just about ready to tear my hair out.

alright, so now that i have your attention, please be patient! some of you may remember me from a long ways back...hello! i've missed you all. i always had some amazing conversations with people on DXP and have come here, again, because i'm about ready to crack. let me explain my story: i'll make it super quick.

i was with a gem girl for a little over 2 years. over the past 5 months we've been through a slow, agonizing breakup to the point where she's just now beginning to completely ignore me. she wanted an open relationship (which we tried), and (naturally) i pretty much couldn't deal. she did some things that were really shady and thus, broke my heart - now, over the past few months, i've been trying really, really hard to settle down the maelstorm that are my emotions but it just ain't happening. i find myself writing poems about her, songs about her, introductions to books that never get written. everything reminds me of her, how much i love her etc. we lived together for a year and she was my first real, adult relationship; all the pieces i perform (i'm a performance poet) are about her, and everyone in my audience (i swear to god) is sick of hearing about her. so are my friends! even when i'm wasted tired, exhausted, can't think about eating or sleeping or lifting my pinky toe my dozing thoughts still turn to her. i'm really, truly at my wits ends; i know in my head that this isn't unhealthy, that i need to just "turn off the faucet to my heart" but my heart is like, "nah-ah bitch, i'm gonna rain down on you like niagara on a bad day."

i don't know where to begin. where to end. i've been going in circles like this forever, it seems like; even my cancerian mother refuses to talk with me about it. i even know that the gem girl is (probably) seeing other people. i've been messing around, too, but i can't bring myself to really go for anyone else. i still love her deeply, madly, confusingly.

anyways, i'll stop ranting now. let your wisdom fly! pleasepleaseplease, i need some honest, real advice here. thanks so much!

QUESTION do we have any other bald drama kings The question is about Scrop/wreck not (pe card Bee)he is about to rip his hairs out I wonder all hair or just pubic?

Agreed. And before you put pen to paper, throw on some excellent music. None of that Sad FM horse shit, something GREAT. Immerse yourself in it and let it take you. Focus on something good, let all other thoughts recede.

recede like his hair line?

I'm fairly certain he shaves it off Tate. Can I interest you in an 8 year old Husky? He's driving me mad today.

I usually do, the up side is I can laugh at myself over it. 🙂

LOL That's ba-aa-aa-ad.

I may have to find a way to beam the captian out of here. As foar the sheep they are all being sold off to much bother.
I am on the road a bit and sister and brotherinlaw live in town and say its not worth the money we get out of them so so long leg of lamb. We may even sell the acres we have and the house.If we do I am moving to canterbury. I have a flat there.

Sell off the land and the house? Crap, I need to hit the lottery and SOON.

He would be your forever friend. 🙂 He was bored earlier so it was the whole "Now?...how 'bout now...now?" wanting his walk, he's curled up like a King in the armchair now.

@shaka, i like how you put it - although as some of you pointed out, easier said than done.

@beetle, i know that everything you say is true; thanks for the words.

@cancersun, such the optimist 😉 i appreciate your sunny outlook.


well, i just started a blog where i write poetry, insights, heartbreaks etc. dedicated to those who have lost somebody special. if anyone is interested in the link, i can send it to ya; i figure i'll just write so much that i wear myself down to the point of not wanting to think about it anymore.

🙂 I know. Napping, walks, loving strokes, eating. No worries. Truly smells being a dog...especially after a rain.

Ye know Beetleguese
I am always up for a pint
But shankill RD I don't know is it off the A44 or the A 483 or perhaps the A470 over by Newbridge on wye? I don't want to miss a free pint. Tell you what come to Canterbury for a weekend We can start at Witherspoons pub down by the east gate just get off at the station and walk down St. Dunstons its on the corner across from highstreet. I'LL buy.

Are you kidding me LS? Definitely up for a road trip, I'll toss my dress, corset, 4" heels in a bag, grab my passport and let's roll. 🙂

Posted by venusianbull
Are you kidding me LS? Definitely up for a road trip, I'll toss my dress, corset, 4" heels in a bag, grab my passport and let's roll. 🙂

I'm already packing to join you both! Woohoo!!! We are going to have so much fun ladies! 😉

Ulster I should know I was there for 18 months in the 1980's Royal marines, I am a beagle"s gowl now from there but the Ulster scots dialect is something that stuck with me for quite awhile.

YES! Plane buddies for a 12 hour flight. Whoooohooo!! I'm going to England in the autumn girls, if I can squeeze you into my carry on bag we'll save loads. 😉 LS, StPat and moi. The pub better batten down the hatches. That's a lot of hot hitting the door all at once.

😉

Ay I did my five years and got out went to africa to make my fourtian came back with nothing. then went to the states for university my father lives there or at least he says he might be he is old but was my mothers lover back in the sixtys.so lived around a bit grew up here in LLandrindod wells wales where the farm is. So I split my time between here and Canterbury in Kent. So if my sister wants to sell the farm not much of a farm I will just go along with it and be off.I have a flat on whitstable Rd in Canterbury.Guess I could stay there until I dye or go to the states to live me old man splits his time between St. Louis mo and Naples Fla .

Im off to bed its ten here I have to be in New Bridge by 7 so Im up at 5 tomorrow. A job nothing like a bit o pocket money a couple quid for the weekend.

Posted by venusianbull
YES! Plane buddies for a 12 hour flight. Whoooohooo!! I'm going to England in the autumn girls, if I can squeeze you into my carry on bag we'll save loads. 😉 LS, StPat and moi. The pub better batten down the hatches. That's a lot of hot hitting the door all at once.

Oh yes it will be a whole lot of HOT hitting the door! 😉
I just went to Houston with friends and it was so funny b/c I would notice that we were getting a lot of looks and as I looked at my beautiful friends all around me I was like, "Well of course, all of these gorgeous women all traipsing around together all at once!" The great thing about my friends is that they are beautiful on the inside as well as the outside! Like you ladies here! I have great taste in friends! 😉

I remember you! You were always witty, and your posts would crack me up constantly.


Aw, man. You got it bad, homie. Honestly, sounds like you're doing just what you need to do. Continue to cry it out, write it out, talk it out....whoever doesn't wanna hear it- TOO BAD! Do what is necessary. The process is agonizing and seems long because you're currently IN IT. It shall pass.


Best

Wait...


Do you want her back? Is that it? At the end of the day, you can live without her. You're doing it now. But, if you feel you can't, then go after her. If she's dating other guys though, sounds like she may have moved on.


If you know you're better off going your separate ways, then my previous post applies.

scorpsuperior:

yeah! that's me😉 me and her have talked it out plenty of times. she says that she doesn't know what she wants, and her constantly changing attitude scares her and she doesn't want to get stuck in the relationship that we have. so, yaknow, i have my answer, and i need to give her the space she needs, but it doesn't change the fact that i still love her. she says she stills loves me, too, but can't be with me right now. she says that she's open to the possibility of being with other people, and i've been messing around/kinda dating other people on the side, too. she's still the love of my life, though, and my best friend (vice versa). i still want to be with her, but she wants to explore her other options. i should just let her do that, whilst eventually she'll realize that i am the best thing that ever happened to her...right!?

@beetle,

i know she's been w/ other people. she's pretty honest with me, and we have a pretty unique relationship. however, this has less to do with her seeing other people than with me accepting her need to see other people and "moving on", so to speak. i'm beginning to "date" and mess around, which hasn't really helped much. i have no problem admitting that i still love her. i think that's perfectly natural and healthy. i think each person has their own unique healing process; if that doesn't coincide with some kinda societal/cultural standard of what constitutes a "healthy grieving process" than that's cool (harking back to what scorpsuperior was saying.) i got my own way of doing things, always have. call it neurotic, obsessive, over the top. i like to think it's poetic 😉

i would contest the "hopeless" adjective, and like to volunteer a new word: "persistent." ;

Posted by Stpatrickspisces

Posted by venusianbull
YES! Plane buddies for a 12 hour flight. Whoooohooo!! I'm going to England in the autumn girls, if I can squeeze you into my carry on bag we'll save loads. 😉 LS, StPat and moi. The pub better batten down the hatches. That's a lot of hot hitting the door all at once.

Oh yes it will be a whole lot of HOT hitting the door! 😉
I just went to Houston with friends and it was so funny b/c I would notice that we were getting a lot of looks and as I looked at my beautiful friends all around me I was like, "Well of course, all of these gorgeous women all traipsing around together all at once!" The great thing about my friends is that they are beautiful on the inside as well as the outside! Like you ladies here! I have great taste in friends! 😉

click to expand

Yes you do, and so do I. 😉 Oh it really would be so fun. I'm nervous as a cat in a room full of rockers about the flight.

I think it's wise that you're using this painful energy to create art, Scorpio Wreck. There is no better way to purge something, or someone, from your system. I'm a writer, too, so I can definitely relate.

Just keep scribbling until she disappears. I would also recommend cutting off contact with her. Talking to her is only keeping the wound fresh.

Posted by Shaka_laka_boomboom
Scorpios (and water signs 😛) are so EMO, it makes me wanna puke..no wonder I dont come around on their boards that often. Of course they'll always give you a thousand reasons to call this continuous wallowing in self-pity.."healing themselves by being creative" 😉

Complete and utter rubbish of course.

Yeah Van Gogh, Shakespeare, Beethoven, Picasso - they used their unrequited love to fuel their art. And they're all such rubbish.

We wouldn't expect a Virgo to understand ::pat::pat:: Don't you have a bunch of crap to type into a spreadsheet somewhere? 😛

Oh gods, Shaks. Have you been reading inspirational posters?

"If you love someone set her free. If she comes back to you...blah blah blah and yadda yadda."

He doesn't want to box her, he just wants to be with her. Most normal people want that when they're in love.

Besides, you can't box a Gem.

Posted by Shaka_laka_boomboom

Sea Siren blah blah blah, looks like you have nothing else relevant to say since you now started attacking me personally 😛

You mean, like you did the OP? 😛

You used to love it when I attacked you. :::Sniffles:::

LOL! What did you mean about the ladder in my pants, anyways. Me no get it. 😢

uh-huh...I think it must be some sort of European insult...

Take it from me, Shaka. The only person that can wake up a scorpio is a scorpio. If something isn't generated from their own brain, they don't trust it.

Posted by Shaka_laka_boomboom

I love it how Americans call everything they dont understand "European" 😛

BTW, Im going on holidays for 2 weeks starting monday..To France!!!!!!!!!! yipeee

SEND ME PASTRIES!!!

I can't see any of the vids you've posted sweetie! I'm at work and they're blocked. 😢

Posted by LovelyScorp

Posted by Sea Siren
Take it from me, Shaka. The only person that can wake up a scorpio is a scorpio. If something isn't generated from their own brain, they don't trust it.

🙂

click to expand

😉


Yes, Shaka, we are oppressed! In many ways. You won't get an argument from me on that topic. So, I'm sure you'll change the subject tout de suite! lol

Posted by saywha?

Posted by Sea Siren
Take it from me, Shaka. The only person that can wake up a scorpio is a scorpio. If something isn't generated from their own brain, they don't trust it.

*stunned at the revelation*

*rushes in to second THAT!!✨

click to expand

Indeed, my years of study on the Scorpion in its natural habitat have paid off. The tragedy of this particular trait is that it prevents others from helping you in times of need, leaving you alone with a "me against the world" mentality even if someone is right there willing to face it with you. 😛

In my husband's case, it also prevents him from the joy that would be his if he simply surrendered to my far superior and brilliant ideas. The latest of which is...

Eh nevermind. 🙂

Posted by MorningMist

Remember folks. Corportate America is not a democracy. You don't have an opinion. They also ban youtube. Just like China.

TRUTH!

Posted by saywha?

Posted by Sea Siren

Posted by saywha?

Posted by Sea Siren
Take it from me, Shaka. The only person that can wake up a scorpio is a scorpio. If something isn't generated from their own brain, they don't trust it.

*stunned at the revelation*

*rushes in to second THAT!!✨

Indeed, my years of study on the Scorpion in its natural habitat have paid off. The tragedy of this particular trait is that it prevents others from helping you in times of need, leaving you alone with a "me against the world" mentality even if someone is right there willing to face it with you. 😛

In my husband's case, it also prevents him from the joy that would be his if he simply surrendered to my far superior and brilliant ideas. The latest of which is...

Eh nevermind. 🙂

ROFL!!! you really had me sprawling on the desk trying to cover my guffaw!! LOL
"me against the world"? yep, thats them alright.

Awent they juuss cwute 😛

click to expand

Absolutely! The grooming is quite expensive, though. 🙂

Ah! Check out the Pets area for a clue. 🙂

Morning Mist and Say Wha, do I know you from back in ze day?

J'ai un sentiment de reconnaissance...

AH, mais oui!!!

C'est magnifique! 🙂

I know! If you don't use a language daily you lose it quite quickly. 😢

I thought about getting Rosetta Stone just to use as a refresher sometimes. I studied French for far too long to just let it go. BAH!

Au pays des aveugles les borgnes sont rois
a bien-tut

Are you one-eyed, Tate? lol

Ohhh..thanks! I'll look into the podcasts!

Oriental languages seem tough. Too ambitious for me!

I am king in the land of the blind, and on these boards most are blind. For I am the one eyed man.

a bien-tut

Okay, THAT is amazing! I thought I was going to lose my mind trying to retain the ONE I was learning in the same brain as my first language. lol

Posted by Shaka_laka_boomboom
^LMAO at the scorpio wannabes^

Scorpio risings tendency is to be fucking ugly btw 🙂

Excuuuuuuse me? 😛

Neptune is in my 1st house. Is that what you mean? I don't know really, I would have to call my astrologer. 🙂

Ask your mum, Blingers.

Shaks, my Neptune is not in conjunction with my ascendant. My ascendant trines my sun, though. From what I understand trines aren't that big of a deal?