Making a great decision and the aftermath
This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by Queenscorpio on Tuesday, April 15, 2008 and has 29 replies.
Hey guys, having a bad day today. You all know I made the decision to no longer be involved with my scorp friend and at this point being friends isn't a great option either. Since then, he has popped up at my home and other wierd stuff. As sick as this is I know I made the right decision, because a relationship isn't an option with us (never was either of our intentions to begin with) in spite of the closeness and trust that HAD developed during the time we spent together. We got really close. However it is important to cut off all ties for now.
The problem. I HATE losing people who were once close to me. Yes, I am one of those people who keep exes as freinds after it is over if at all possible. I am also a person who can be a genuine friend to an ex and I am to two of them until this day even after the break up. With him, it is different. He, unlike me cannot be JUST friends after the involvement is over, he says he can, but his actions prove otherwise which has bought out a side in him I really dislike, and am now contimplating if we can either be friends down the road.
We shared quite a bit of experiences during the 10 month friendship/involvement. There was a bond that would have been wonderful to cherish. I am feeling wierd about it all, not sad, not depressed, not upset, just wierd.
Sorry needed to vent... Where is a better place for a scorp to vent than the scorp board. Now eat me alive people!!!! LOL!!!
The problem. I HATE losing people who were once close to me. Yes, I am one of those people who keep exes as freinds after it is over if at all possible. I am also a person who can be a genuine friend to an ex and I am to two of them until this day even after the break up. With him, it is different. He, unlike me cannot be JUST friends after the involvement is over, he says he can, but his actions prove otherwise which has bought out a side in him I really dislike, and am now contimplating if we can either be friends down the road.
We shared quite a bit of experiences during the 10 month friendship/involvement. There was a bond that would have been wonderful to cherish. I am feeling wierd about it all, not sad, not depressed, not upset, just wierd.
Sorry needed to vent... Where is a better place for a scorp to vent than the scorp board. Now eat me alive people!!!! LOL!!!
Queen! I'm sorry to hear that you're having a rough day...It will get better. I know it's a clich?, but I truly believe that people come into our lives for a "reason", "season", or "lifetime". You have to think about what he brought into your life, what you've learned from that situation and what you'll do differently the next you emotionally get involved with the next man. 10 months is a long time. Who knows...When the air clears and emotions are back in check you two maybe able to form a friendship. Good Luck girl!
That's okay QS. Vent away. We're used to it by now. 
You know what I think about this friendship thing. Face it as a painful loss (which you are), and don't look back.
You know what I think about this friendship thing. Face it as a painful loss (which you are), and don't look back.
Damn latinainda! What great advice! It even hit home with me...
Yeah me too.. and Im an aries
***That's okay QS. Vent away. We're used to it by now.
You know what I think about this friendship thing. Face it as a painful loss (which you are), and don't look back.***
I know SR, I know... Even a friendship isn't good. I JUST HATE LOSING PEOPLE and it isn't just guys who I have been involved with. I lost a very close g/f over something that happened between us a misunderstanding (however, it was for the best). I still miss her. Remember, I am a scorp and we only let few people close to our hearts and we cherish them. This is what makes it so hard to lose them. I also know myself. After a while I will be like " _ _ _ _" Who? LOL!!! I know. The friendship and bond is always most important in involvements than the physical for me though. Seriously.
You know what I think about this friendship thing. Face it as a painful loss (which you are), and don't look back.***
I know SR, I know... Even a friendship isn't good. I JUST HATE LOSING PEOPLE and it isn't just guys who I have been involved with. I lost a very close g/f over something that happened between us a misunderstanding (however, it was for the best). I still miss her. Remember, I am a scorp and we only let few people close to our hearts and we cherish them. This is what makes it so hard to lose them. I also know myself. After a while I will be like " _ _ _ _" Who? LOL!!! I know. The friendship and bond is always most important in involvements than the physical for me though. Seriously.
***Good relationships don't end...not even with death. But sometimes God and our intuition has a way of telling us that someone is just bad for us. We don't play with fire, it is like a reflex that you don't even need to teach a 3-year-old. Sometimes the negative energy is jsut too much to handle, it's easier to let go.****
This is very true and in this situation couldn't be more true.
PB, thanks girl... Who knows is right but I am leaning more towards Nada!
This is very true and in this situation couldn't be more true.
PB, thanks girl... Who knows is right but I am leaning more towards Nada!
A friendship between two highly-sexed people who've done each other in the past is well...
*** I do believe in one life partner (at least, at a time), but in order to give yourself to that person, you have to purge yourself of everything that came before and chalk it all up to experience, karmic credits, and a solid past. ***
Yeah me too, this is why when I transferred from my casual state (remember I was still married legally and separated too when we met) to wanting something serious, I had to cut my casual ties from him.
Yeah me too, this is why when I transferred from my casual state (remember I was still married legally and separated too when we met) to wanting something serious, I had to cut my casual ties from him.
***A friendship between two highly-sexed people who've done each other in the past is well...***
What? Depending on the situation it could go either way. I have one ex casual partner who is a great friend of mine to this day and trust. Sex was off the charts, however that was all we were to eachother and clearly there was a friendship this is how we are able to remain friends to this day. However, if the other person (scorp guy) can't or isn't ready to separate the two then it will neva work as a friendship. I don't think.
What? Depending on the situation it could go either way. I have one ex casual partner who is a great friend of mine to this day and trust. Sex was off the charts, however that was all we were to eachother and clearly there was a friendship this is how we are able to remain friends to this day. However, if the other person (scorp guy) can't or isn't ready to separate the two then it will neva work as a friendship. I don't think.
Thanks likebrad. That touched me. It is true. This is a support center for good and bad times. Okay. I am just about over the feeling.... See how fickle I am???
maybe that was my dick talking.
S_R down boy!!!
***A person who just shows up where you live isn't friend material. No boundries.. Could make for a very uncomfortable situation if you were entertaining some else in your home.***
Very true and exactly why the friendship option was shut down. No disrespectful friends allowed. Thanks KG.
Very true and exactly why the friendship option was shut down. No disrespectful friends allowed. Thanks KG.
***I don't know if it's a female thing or Scorpio thing, but I really like closure. I really, really need closure. SO I can understand why you don't want to end on such a nasty note with someone you once cared for so deeply.***
Exactly my point... I have to have closure. At the same time I hate ending things sour with anyone. Even if we don't continue to be friends I don't want to run into them and then we are looking crazy at eachother with the scorp on scorp evil stare. I wouold always speak, but don't know what to expect in return. I think it is a good thing to end things peacefully. It sets me at ease and lets me know the other person understands my decision and know that it isn't to be cruel or hurtful.
Exactly my point... I have to have closure. At the same time I hate ending things sour with anyone. Even if we don't continue to be friends I don't want to run into them and then we are looking crazy at eachother with the scorp on scorp evil stare. I wouold always speak, but don't know what to expect in return. I think it is a good thing to end things peacefully. It sets me at ease and lets me know the other person understands my decision and know that it isn't to be cruel or hurtful.
He just sent this email to me:
I just want you to be happy and I would never play with your feelings. Even if it kills me to let you go (and it is). You deserve what you want and to have the best of things, something I am not able to give and don't know if I am even capable of. I understand you more than you think this is why I have stepped back in order to let you go and be truly happy. I apologize for anything I have done to disrespect you. Good luck and stay blessed.
I thanked him for being honest and kind and that I appreciate this deeply.
I just want you to be happy and I would never play with your feelings. Even if it kills me to let you go (and it is). You deserve what you want and to have the best of things, something I am not able to give and don't know if I am even capable of. I understand you more than you think this is why I have stepped back in order to let you go and be truly happy. I apologize for anything I have done to disrespect you. Good luck and stay blessed.
I thanked him for being honest and kind and that I appreciate this deeply.
***you can create your own closure with this man by concentrating on his good parts and feeling true peace and love for him, and hoping for the best for him.***
Exactly. I do, otherwise if I only concentrated on the bad points I would probably hate him. None of us our perfect we all have our shortcomings and it helps to remember that. I don't regret any of my life experiences good or bad there is always something to learn and these experiences have made me the awesome person I am today.
Exactly. I do, otherwise if I only concentrated on the bad points I would probably hate him. None of us our perfect we all have our shortcomings and it helps to remember that. I don't regret any of my life experiences good or bad there is always something to learn and these experiences have made me the awesome person I am today.
***There are men who can be friends with their exes, and men who can't be. I just think it's probably best in this case that you two cut the cord and made it a clean break given everything that you two have been through with each other. I can see why it would be hard in this case for it not to be so simple. Anyways, QS, I admire you for being able to be friends with your exes. I don't think I'd much want to unless it wasn't a bad break-up or anything.***
F'ing A, I agree with you. I don't think we can be friends per se either. Too much stuff. Things went different than expected. However, there is no callus there between us hopefully as I am bound to see him in the neighborhood where my ex and I lived and he still lives, as well as where my daughter goes to school.
As far as the exes, I figure there was something special about them that attracted you in the first place and if there was a genuine caring during, then why not continue if you two are just not compatible romantically? BTW, I haven't remained friends with ALL my exes just a couple and I am pretty cordial now with the ex husband, for goodness sake we have a child together we better learn to be civil because we are bonded by this child to a certain extent.
F'ing A, I agree with you. I don't think we can be friends per se either. Too much stuff. Things went different than expected. However, there is no callus there between us hopefully as I am bound to see him in the neighborhood where my ex and I lived and he still lives, as well as where my daughter goes to school.
As far as the exes, I figure there was something special about them that attracted you in the first place and if there was a genuine caring during, then why not continue if you two are just not compatible romantically? BTW, I haven't remained friends with ALL my exes just a couple and I am pretty cordial now with the ex husband, for goodness sake we have a child together we better learn to be civil because we are bonded by this child to a certain extent.
***So I wrote him the email, just telling him my side and I was genuine. As "weak" as it was, I did it. And I feel glad that I did. I immediately deleted all of his emails, messages, from my buddylists, and I just ended him from my life and albeit he has not responded at all (further proof that he cannot deal with in a mature way) I feel better about it.****
There is nothing weak about this. I have done the same.
There is nothing weak about this. I have done the same.
Trust me F'ingA it is mostly me, and you are right it is all for my daughter as she loves us both so much. She didn't ask that her parents split.. Surprisingly by him being a libra (peace maker), he has given me quite a bit of trouble, but I try to overlook it because I know he didn't want the divorce and chalk it up to hurt. He also is in another relationship so go figure why he cares? I on the other hand am single... I just try to keep open communications, he has deliberately rebelled about certain visitation agreements etc. I just do what I have to do to provide a stable life for my child.
F'ngA I have done that only too many times. I continually tell him it isn't about us. There is no us. It is only about her. Unfortunately in Illinois you can't force a father to have set visitation if you recieve child support however he can go to court and request it. He has visitation but he needs to have more in my opinion. Especially when I go back to school or have to travel for work. Why should I pay a sitter when her dad is in the same city? It is ironic that I would happily assist him with keeping his other daughter whenever their mom decided she wanted to send her over even when it wasn't according to the schedule, becaus I understand the importance of both parents being in a child's life on a consistant basis. But whatever, when I go out of town I will drop her off there or at his moms and let them figure it out. Seriously.
BTW, he tells the judge he doesn't mind keeping her when I travel for work, but he would like to have proof that is what I am traveling for. WTF! I don't care if I was going on holiday to sit under a tree and eat bon bons all day. That is still his child. You are right, he continues to make this about us not her.
BTW, he tells the judge he doesn't mind keeping her when I travel for work, but he would like to have proof that is what I am traveling for. WTF! I don't care if I was going on holiday to sit under a tree and eat bon bons all day. That is still his child. You are right, he continues to make this about us not her.
***To me any man or woman that claims they still have feelings for or loves someone doesn't try to sabotage them or their family or make life more difficult for them, and they put aside their egoes.***
This is true, but to be honest I could care less if he still loves me or not. Clearly his actions are not showing it but who cares! Just do what you should for our child, which means YOURS and mine.
This is true, but to be honest I could care less if he still loves me or not. Clearly his actions are not showing it but who cares! Just do what you should for our child, which means YOURS and mine.
True.
Yeah KennyG I know. I have already warned him about the popping up. It is his choice he will either stand outside and freeze or if it gets ugly I will have to call the athourities, I doubt he will push me to the later. I am a scorp too and he knows when we are serious we mean business.
QS, I'm not for one to give any advice right now, having great difficulty myself trying to forget certain male of your Species..lol
I'm sorry you are going through this and it sucks..
You deserve the best. Be strong and don't look back..
I'm sorry you are going through this and it sucks..
You deserve the best. Be strong and don't look back.."I say we ship all the Scorpio males on a slow boat to China"
lol..yes let's do that and put a few leos on board just to wind them up..
lol..yes let's do that and put a few leos on board just to wind them up..
***QS, be focused, stay young and beautiful and you'll be fine***
Thanks JD, if only I could find an evolved scorpio man like you. There would be fire works everyday...
Thanks JD, if only I could find an evolved scorpio man like you. There would be fire works everyday...
Oh yes Sagittarians, there will definitely be blood...***evil laugh***
***Hmmm, any scorp has fireworks in them, they just need the right combination to ignite them!
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