Making a relationship w/ Scorpio man work

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by aerys on Saturday, July 11, 2015 and has 27 replies.
I'm an Aries girl in a serious relationship with my Scorpio boyfriend for over 3 1/2 years. We're committed to making it work and planning to move in together in a few months but it's so frustrating being together--we're so different. Although I love his quietness and inner strength, his genuine and sincere kindness to others and how hardworking he is--he's also very difficult to be with and he thinks the same about me no doubt. Just wondering if you guys could give me some tips on how we could work better together.

The biggest things that annoy him about me: (1) I can be careless and unaware of my surroundings. For example, he gets really annoyed if I don't watch where I'm going. He always opens the car door for me and once, I accidentally closed the door too fast and hit him--that really annoyed him. And it hurt me when he brought it up like half an hour later. I felt clumsy and I was upset that it bothered him. I guess I can be too sensitive when people tell me I did something wrong. (2) When I'm too demanding about sex or physical affection. He told me that he likes it to be more subtle--but I'll argue that that's just who I am. I'm forceful and forward, typical dominant Aries. He said he does like it when I am affectionate with him because it makes him feel wanted but he believes I can get too much for him sometimes. It gets even worse when he's stressed out.

So he's mostly turned off by my careless and inconsideration when it comes to demanding sex and affection. He wants me to be more emotionally invested in the relationship, that he wants more than just my presence. I don't really know what that means. One of my languages of love is that I'll give gifts to those I love. I'll buy him a lot of things randomly. He says that doesn't show him I love him. His said his way of showing love is doing things for me, like opening doors or carrying my purse, making me breakfast.

I feel stifled and sad sometimes when we're together. Like I can't be myself around him and I'm afraid he won't be able to accept me for who I am and just be annoyed with me most of the time. I wonder if there are other guys who wouldn't mind how I am and actually love those things about me--who would want to watch out for me without lamenting about it because I'm careless. I do love and care about him. However, I've toned myself down quite a bit and I've been pretty unhappy thinking about how life would be like together in the long run. Fire and water just won't work?
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Posted by busyeyes88
Blimey!! 3.5 years and you are still at the beginning stages. Don't move in. It will kill your relationship faster than the Titanic!! You sincerely need to work on your different energies first. I have mercury in Aries and it's pretty forceful, dominant and aggressive. Scorpio is a water sign and they intuitively feel things and express themselves without words. What are your charts like?


I entered our birth stats into a chart generator and I got:

Rising sign: Sagittarius
Moon: Libra
Sun: Aries
Mercury: Pisces
Venus: Taurus
Mars: Capricorn
Jupiter: Taurus
Saturn: Capricorn
Uranus: Capricorn
Neptune: Capricorn
Pluto: Scorpio
N. Node: Pisces

His are:
Rising: Cancer
Sun: Scorpio
Moon: Cancer
Mercury: Libra
Venus: Libra
Mars: Pisces
Jupiter: Gemini
Saturn: Sagittarius
Neptune: Capricorn
Pluto: Scorpio
N. Node: Pisces
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Ohhhhhh, that's just not good! You barely have water and he barely has earth. I was married to a Taurus with zero water, and I'm a Cancer with zero earth in my chart. We really weren't compatible, and he turned out to be abusive. Not sure if that's because he was unhappy and frustrated, or simply because he's a complete asshole, but the end result was divorce.
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He also doesn't have much fire. And you don't have much air.
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Oooops! I entered in the wrong birth year for him. His are actually:

Rising sign: Cancer
Sun: Scorpio
Moon: Gemini
Mercury: Scorpio
Venus: Libra
Mars: Libra
Jupiter: Aquarius
Saturn: Scorpio
Uranus: Sagittarius
Neptune: Capricorn
Pluto: Scorpio
N. Node: Taurus
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Why do you try so hard?
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Posted by Rabbit
Posted by LunarMaiden
Why do you try so hard?


This.

Romantic relationships are supposed to enhance your existing happiness, not cause grief and force you to change who you are.
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Exactly; it sounds like you bend over backwards to try and change who you are while he barely moves an inch. I'm sorry this is such a difficult situation for you and I'm sure you love him. But this isn't real, honest love. He won't bend for you and he makes you feel badly about yourself. You deserve a relationship where you can be yourself.
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Ask yourself and him do you still want to be in the relationship and that's it. If so, there should be no hesitation. If there's hesitation, I wouldn't invest anymore time into the relationship and forcing things isn't healthy.
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Sit down and tell him what you just posted. Try to understand one another and learn how to compromise. You're forceful(bossy) and he's controlling. This is why you two clash. You don't understand one another. You're more into the physical and he's emotional. If you work at it, you could balance each other out. Relationships are about working together. It's been 3.5 years and things still haven't changed?! If it hasn't by now, then you should let it go. I'm speaking from experience. I'm Scorpio and I dated an Aries. We read each other well, but our problem was that we both wanted to wear the pants. He wanted me to do this and I would rebel because it went against what I believed in or who is was. Scorpio and Aries can work out. It depends on how bad you want it to work. They're a lot of Scorpio and Aries married couples who've been together for more than 10 years. You just don't go by the sun sign. You look at the whole chart. Sit down and talk to him and tell him how you feel. Tell him what you to told us.
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I'm a Cancer man there is no way in h*ll would I want to be in a relationship with an Aries woman, as friends its okay as anything else than that forget it, not compatible at all.
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Posted by aerys
...He said he does like it when I am affectionate with him because it makes him feel wanted but he believes I can get too much for him sometimes. It gets even worse when he's stressed out.

So he's mostly turned off by my careless and inconsideration when it comes to demanding sex and affection. He wants me to be more emotionally invested in the relationship, that he wants more than just my presence. I don't really know what that means. One of my languages of love is that I'll give gifts to those I love. I'll buy him a lot of things randomly. He says that doesn't show him I love him. His said his way of showing love is doing things for me, like opening doors or carrying my purse, making me breakfast.

Well he's just explained what it means. Gifts and other material things really don't communicate "love" to some Scorps. It's an emotionally driven sign. Awareness, responding to one's need and demonstrating it through action tends to tell them more. The problem however is he does not seem to be appreciating or willing to fully accept how you communicate affection. He also seems to be having difficulty accepting you for who you are.

Some Scorps simply do not respond well to too much Ram energy, especially if they are more reserved. Water and fire in itself isn't the issue. It's how the two express themselves that can be challenging. Stress and the desire to just chill out to recharge only heightens the differences between the two approaches. I really don't think living together will improve that.
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Posted by aerys
... I feel stifled and sad sometimes when we're together. Like I can't be myself around him and I'm afraid he won't be able to accept me for who I am and just be annoyed with me most of the time. I wonder if there are other guys who wouldn't mind how I am and actually love those things about me--who would want to watch out for me without lamenting about it because I'm careless. I do love and care about him. However, I've toned myself down quite a bit and I've been pretty unhappy thinking about how life would be like together in the long run.

Well if this is how you feel it may not get any better unless you get some support outside of the relationship (e.g. counselling ----not advice from relatives or friends) to help you both learn how to accept and appreciate the differences in each other. If the two are willing (fire and water) they could actually learn from each other.

No one should feel like they can't be themselves. Sure all relationships are about some degree of compromise to make the relationship flow smoothly, but it can not be about completely changing who you are. Especially if theses are the things you like about yourself.

At some point you may come to the conclusion that you can love someone and that doesn't mean you should be in a relationship with them.

Good luck.
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I totally understand when he says you need to have more presence emotionally. Totally get that
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Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by aerys
... I feel stifled and sad sometimes when we're together. Like I can't be myself around him and I'm afraid he won't be able to accept me for who I am and just be annoyed with me most of the time. I wonder if there are other guys who wouldn't mind how I am and actually love those things about me--who would want to watch out for me without lamenting about it because I'm careless. I do love and care about him. However, I've toned myself down quite a bit and I've been pretty unhappy thinking about how life would be like together in the long run.

Well if this is how you feel it may not get any better unless you get some support outside of the relationship (e.g. counselling ----not advice from relatives or friends) to help you both learn how to accept and appreciate the differences in each other. If the two are willing (fire and water) they could actually learn from each other.

No one should feel like they can't be themselves. Sure all relationships are about some degree of compromise to make the relationship flow smoothly, but it can not be about completely changing who you are. Especially if theses are the things you like about yourself.

At some point you may come to the conclusion that you can love someone and that doesn't mean you should be in a relationship with them.

Good luck.

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^^^This +1!
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Posted by busyeyes88
Posted by faceroll
i didn't see busyeyes had responded until i posted. doni't really need a bunch of taureans telling an aries how to love a scorpio. *taurus out*


Are you scorpio? You don't control the threads. I do have water in my chart and the intuitive feeling is similar. Not that I have to explain myself to you!

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I thought she was Taurean like you? Previous username was ScorchedEarth, as in earth and fire I assume, rightly or wrongly, I dunno!


I thought she was making light fun of the fact that two Taurean's were on the Scorp board telling an Aries how to love a Scorp... Bit of irony there or just an odd situation when you take it at face value.

I didn't read any meanness or bossiness there.

I mean, I am apparently the Queen of Cunts lately so it's ironic I feel propelled to step in between two lovely Taurus ladies... Flattery will get me everywhere says Busy with the Leo Moon... Winking
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Posted by busyeyes88
Posted by faceroll
i didn't see busyeyes had responded until i posted. doni't really need a bunch of taureans telling an aries how to love a scorpio. *taurus out*


Are you scorpio? You don't control the threads. I do have water in my chart and the intuitive feeling is similar. Not that I have to explain myself to you!

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damn fire moon and mercury. I believe that was a joke.
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Posted by Reincarnation
You would be much happier with a Leo or a Sagittarius.

If you want to make it work, try to act more like a Pisces or a Cancer.


Yes she would do way better with a fire sign. NO she should NOT act like a Cancer or Pisces!! She will only be more and more miserable having to pretend she's someone she isn't. She needs someone who appreciates her personality as she is, not someone who doesn't understand her (and he doesn't need someone who doesn't understand him).
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Posted by Reincarnation
You would be much happier with a Leo or a Sagittarius.

If you want to make it work, try to act more like a Pisces or a Cancer.



The pull toward friction and sexual tension is just too great to settle for a more compatible partner.
What is this a square relationship?
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Posted by 88akka
OP,

I am a Pisces with Scorpio moon.
I dated an Aries and it was hell for me. Then I was with a Leo w/aqua moon and i felt the same way you feel with the Scorpio. I could never find the balance love and affection I was looking for, and sex with him just felt like sex, never love making and it would be frustrating for me. I walked away, and I wished I had the chance to come here during those years, I would have had more knowledge of a water and fire sign match.

The Leo was a sweet as he can be and he also felt like he never did enough to keep me happy, and I felt the same way back. now that I know more, I look back and I think a Libra, Saggittarius, or Gemini girl was more for him. I never was. The love was there but the connection and comfort never was. I hope he found a Fire or Air girl and is happy.



You are such a sweet person. Just a fyi
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Posted by MoonArtist
Posted by Reincarnation
You would be much happier with a Leo or a Sagittarius.

If you want to make it work, try to act more like a Pisces or a Cancer.


Yes she would do way better with a fire sign. NO she should NOT act like a Cancer or Pisces!! She will only be more and more miserable having to pretend she's someone she isn't. She needs someone who appreciates her personality as she is, not someone who doesn't understand her (and he doesn't need someone who doesn't understand him).
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I can drive my aries female friend nuts she is totally opposite of me she can't understand why I do things the way I do and I can't understand why she does things the way she does, the worst thing she does things without really thinking them out fully.
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Thank you normallynow, phoenixrising, and 88akka, you were the most helpful and kind.

I've tried talking to him about it before, how different we are, but he would always laugh and be loving with me so then the subject would be dropped. He would never take me seriously. When life gets stressful, we don't know how to work with each other. We've broken up several times before when things got too hard and we would agree it was for the best. I would always hope he would stay away, but he always comes back and I never have the heart to say no. I know he is weak and he admitted it too. I heard Scorpios will stay in an unhappy relationship longer than most other signs. And he told me that I am the first girl he has ever been in love with and felt those crazy new love feelings for. So I can see why it would be hard for him to let me go. When things are good, they're amazing. We get along so well and the intimacy is the best.

But when life gets rough, I think that's when we're both feeling the most unfulfilled. And he's been pretty stressed out lately, so it affects me quite a bit. Sometimes I think if you really love someone, you will stick it out and support them. I know he would do the same for me, I guess. But then I think about the lack of affection and sex because he's either too tired or too stressed, which makes me feel unwanted and unloved, and I wonder if that's normal. If I'm compromising/settling because right now, it's hard to think about the good when there are more days where I'm wondering if he still loves me and feels the same. Then my jealousies come up and I get resentful for example when he can watch porn but doesn't have it in him to have sex with me. I need lots of sex and affection and I feel guilty/gross for wanting it so much.
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Posted by Stihl46
Posted by MoonArtist
Posted by Reincarnation
You would be much happier with a Leo or a Sagittarius.

If you want to make it work, try to act more like a Pisces or a Cancer.


Yes she would do way better with a fire sign. NO she should NOT act like a Cancer or Pisces!! She will only be more and more miserable having to pretend she's someone she isn't. She needs someone who appreciates her personality as she is, not someone who doesn't understand her (and he doesn't need someone who doesn't understand him).


I can drive my aries female friend nuts she is totally opposite of me she can't understand why I do things the way I do and I can't understand why she does things the way she does, the worst thing she does things without really thinking them out fully.
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My childhood crush is Aries, and he still has a thing for me. We actually get along great, but it wouldn't work so well with the emotions, as he's more physical without the emotional. I have an Aries friend who I just adore: she's fearless, vivacious, thoughtful. Her and I would make great roomies. I do like the mature Aries people. They're so much fun!
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Posted by 88akka
Posted by MoonArtist
Posted by Reincarnation
You would be much happier with a Leo or a Sagittarius.

If you want to make it work, try to act more like a Pisces or a Cancer.


Yes she would do way better with a fire sign. NO she should NOT act like a Cancer or Pisces!! She will only be more and more miserable having to pretend she's someone she isn't. She needs someone who appreciates her personality as she is, not someone who doesn't understand her (and he doesn't need someone who doesn't understand him).



lol, I think he is joking on that response for her to act like a pisces or cancer. I saw his reponse as telling her that where she stands right now, it will be difficult to be herself and has to act like someone compatible to him and it does not look any good.


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He might be joking but she might not know that. She's an Aries, and his humor is pretty dry and stone faced. ~makes impromptu crosseyed dork face at Rein~
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Ditto to everything that was said. I know that you don't want to hear it, but if you choose to continue with the relationship, you're going to sacrifice constantly. Maybe you're ok with that. If you are, then just pace yourself and know that the future will be partnership at a great cost. For some people the partnership means more than their personal happiness. Maybe this is how you see things or feel.

But if at the end of the day, your personal happiness means anything to you, eventually, you guys are going to split up. I have to say, sorry, but I can see what everyone else does...you guys don't really/truly click.
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Posted by aerys
Thank you normallynow, phoenixrising, and 88akka, you were the most helpful and kind.

I've tried talking to him about it before, how different we are, but he would always laugh and be loving with me so then the subject would be dropped. He would never take me seriously. When life gets stressful, we don't know how to work with each other. We've broken up several times before when things got too hard and we would agree it was for the best. I would always hope he would stay away, but he always comes back and I never have the heart to say no. I know he is weak and he admitted it too. I heard Scorpios will stay in an unhappy relationship longer than most other signs. And he told me that I am the first girl he has ever been in love with and felt those crazy new love feelings for. So I can see why it would be hard for him to let me go. When things are good, they're amazing. We get along so well and the intimacy is the best.

But when life gets rough, I think that's when we're both feeling the most unfulfilled. And he's been pretty stressed out lately, so it affects me quite a bit. Sometimes I think if you really love someone, you will stick it out and support them. I know he would do the same for me, I guess. But then I think about the lack of affection and sex because he's either too tired or too stressed, which makes me feel unwanted and unloved, and I wonder if that's normal. If I'm compromising/settling because right now, it's hard to think about the good when there are more days where I'm wondering if he still loves me and feels the same. Then my jealousies come up and I get resentful for example when he can watch porn but doesn't have it in him to have sex with me. I need lots of sex and affection and I feel guilty/gross for wanting it so much.


He would always come back.... Hmmm..... It can be toxic, but addictive.... I love Aries personality. I love Aries hates negativity. The Scorpio guy won't leave you alone because he's in love with you. You have to tell him that it won't work out. Bring out the Aries in you and be blunt. He'll get it. The Aries and our relationship ended horribly. It was sort of over a misunderstanding that could've been avoided. Basically, he wanted to do what he wanted to, regardless of what I told him or how I felt. He felt like I was trying to control him, but I never told him what he could or cou
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Could not do. I told him what I expected from him in the beginning. He heard me, but didn't follow up. He did try to cover it up and keep me out of harms way and I appreciate that. I asked him if he understood the things that I told him. He said he understood almost everything, I just didn't understand him. Which wasn't true. I understood everything. I wanted to control my life, he wanted to control me. I walked around like a doll sometimes. He would speak for me. If someone said something to me he would stand right there and reply. He would comment on what I eat. Choose my hair style. If I accidentally get something one clothes he would wipe it off and kind of pat me on the bottom and tell me to stop getting things on me. It was like... I didn't have to do anything. All I had to do was just be. Now, being a Scorpio, I admired him talking charge but I wasn't going to give him complete control. That's what he wanted. We had fun, he was affectionate and showed his emotions from time to time. Especially if he was hurt or mad. I don't know why people say that Aries don't have emotions, because they do. It's not constant and smothering but when it's given, it's the best. He was one the best men that I've ever dated. Fun, caring, and sweet. All it takes is compromise ask him what it would take to make the relationship work and you tell him what you need to make it work. Tell him you're serious and it's not a joke and you will leave him if he does not listen to you. If it doesn't work... Walk away.
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On my clothes*
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