Mental Asylum of Utter Madness- 24/7 Stinger Home!

Let lose, be yourself, vent it all out if you must. Fellow Stingers and Scorpion Dominants, this is your place to go cra...

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by TheLadyScorpio on Monday, April 29, 2013 and has 3877 replies.
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Posted by Ellygant
That movie reminded me how much I love audibly cursing people in a dramatic fashion too. Like yesterday when I got awful tips from a demanding, rude and needy table. One woman at the table stopped me to chastise me for two minutes in the lunch rush for putting a straw down, saying each straw wrapper is responsible for killing 3 seagulls.


Elly: (to Taurus Coworker) Fecking bishes. Left 5 on 70. And 3 on 60.

Taurus: Crazy seagull table? Rude.

Elly: I knew I should have gone over there, and just maniacally ripped open like twenty straws right in her face.

Taurus: *laughs* Yeah and make seagull noises while you do it.

Elly: May her car gets three flat tires on the way home. And the tire place is out of stock of the cheap ones so she has to buy the expensive kind. And the tow truck takes three hours to arrive and it totally inconviences her day.

Taurus: *laughs again*

Elly: I'm serious. I will it into the world. And I hope she gets hit by a box of straws somehow in the process.

Taurus: *laughs again* your revenge fantasies are so colorful and specific

Elly: There's a reason the universe never gives me real superpowers.


Lol. Especially at "and make seagull noises while you do it". Does the Bull have Gem bits?


I don't know, I've never had a good imagination for revenge. I go into "I want to tear you apart" mode and need tons of space to calm down. However I've alway look forward to that moment when the person falls apart. I want to be front and centre so they are fully aware I know about their downfall. I wouldn't laugh, or say anything smug, but I want them to know I know they got f*cked royalty by the universe.

If this doesn't work out, I'm done. I can't keep getting my heart broken.
Posted by Ellygant
I always wanted to go to a professional soccer game but my ex Scorp didn't have much interest in soccer. Well our city got a new stadium and a professional team and I thought that would motivate him a bit, so a few years ago before we actually got the team I suggested we go. Still never peaked his interest.


So today I bought tickets to the teams opening game myself! I don't have anyone to go with, the game isn't until the end of July. And I very well may not find anyone to go with cause I don't have too many sports loving friends currently. But I'm super excited I'm accomplishing a small dream of mine, to get back into a sport I loved in my youth and seeing my hometown team play their first opening game in my city's brand new stadium. smile
My friend and her husband got season tickets!!
Goodness. Its been a while stingers smile

Got a bit of back reading I see.


What is the bunny and Ands calling themselves these days...?
Posted by LilliLou
Goodness. Its been a while stingers smile

Got a bit of back reading I see.


What is the bunny calling himself these days...?


White Chocolate flavoured Harebally DonScorpio.

Posted by Ellygant
Posted by Andalusia
My little Scorpio nephew has to have "minimally invasive spring cranioplasty" surgery next month Crying
How is the babe?
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He's good! It went really well. He had his post OP last week and the doctor said he doesn't have to come until may. Should hopefully be having the spring removed in July or August.
Posted by GetMisted
Posted by LilliLou
Goodness. Its been a while stingers smile

Got a bit of back reading I see.


What is the bunny and Ands calling themselves these days...?
Omg ??????
click to expand
Hello GetMisted! How are things in Alabama?? Big Grin


Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by LilliLou
Goodness. Its been a while stingers smile

Got a bit of back reading I see.


What is the bunny calling himself these days...?


White Chocolate flavoured Harebally DonScorpio.

click to expand
whaaaaaaa...? outrageous Confused
Posted by Fox
Posted by LilliLou
Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by LilliLou
Goodness. Its been a while stingers smile

Got a bit of back reading I see.


What is the bunny calling himself these days...?


White Chocolate flavoured Harebally DonScorpio.

whaaaaaaa...? outrageous Confused
WHAAA


i thought about you briefly on the bus today. That's so weird. Confused
click to expand
Its like you summoned me little foxy one Big Grin


Posted by Andalusia
Posted by Ellygant
Posted by Andalusia
My little Scorpio nephew has to have "minimally invasive spring cranioplasty" surgery next month Crying
How is the babe?


Good to hear ?


He's good! It went really well. He had his post OP last week and the doctor said he doesn't have to come until may. Should hopefully be having the spring removed in July or August.
click to expand
Posted by -elle-
I have a new software support person....his name is Fabio...



User Submitted Image


Posted by Ellygant
One day I will figure my Gemini Mars out and sort it's weird bits out from my cancer-y and scorp-y weird bits.


But I'm blowing real hot and cold these days real quick. So much so I don't even understand it. Confused Straight Face


I am too and I'm not sure what's going on. I am easily irritated, bored (more so than usual), impatient and a touch more sarcastic lol. Gotta keep the sarcasm alive.


I think the Scorp bits acts as a filter because if I let my moon loose...well you see the way that Gemitati interacts on the boards.


#CuriousMindMode (and I'm waiting for a meeting to start)


I'm hoping to better understand something Elle wrote. I've been trying to see where I can read this stuff to better understand it, but I can't.


Ones astrological house. So if I understand this correctly, the sign (and ruling planet) that your house falls in influences how you approach a particular aspect of your life. So for example, I have Gem in my 5th house. There is a mercurial influence on how I express and pursue things within this house, the area of creativity, romance, dating, pleasure, children.


However, my Gem Moon falls in the 4th house. So what the hell does that mean? I know my moon is very distinct from some of the Gem Moons---especially the ones I read about. That's probably the reason I don't feel the description I see reflect me very well. The best one I've read was "personality is expressive, artistic, intellectual but may even be schizophrenic" lol. Maybe I'm bias. No one wants to read they may be psychotic.


Anyway, a few of the traits, yes but not enough to say yeah, that's me. What should I be reading?


Posted by Ellygant
Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by Ellygant
One day I will figure my Gemini Mars out and sort it's weird bits out from my cancer-y and scorp-y weird bits.


But I'm blowing real hot and cold these days real quick. So much so I don't even understand it. Confused Straight Face


I am too and I'm not sure what's going on. I am easily irritated, bored (more so than usual), impatient and a touch more sarcastic lol. Gotta keep the sarcasm alive.


I think the Scorp bits acts as a filter because if I let my moon loose...well you see the way that Gemitati interacts on the boards.




Totally had a Gemini Mars rant moment(s) (let's be honest it's never just one).

click to expand


I like to think of it as one long rant with breaks in between. Gives others the time to catch up with what you're saying/thinking.

Posted by Ellygant
Posted by PhoenixRising
#CuriousMindMode (and I'm waiting for a meeting to start)


I'm hoping to better understand something Elle wrote. I've been trying to see where I can read this stuff to better understand it, but I can't.


Ones astrological house. So if I understand this correctly, the sign (and ruling planet) that your house falls in influences how you approach a particular aspect of your life. So for example, I have Gem in my 5th house. There is a mercurial influence on how I express and pursue things within this house, the area of creativity, romance, dating, pleasure, children.


However, my Gem Moon falls in the 4th house. So what the hell does that mean? I know my moon is very distinct from some of the Gem Moons---especially the ones I read about. That's probably the reason I don't feel the description I see reflect me very well. The best one I've read was "personality is expressive, artistic, intellectual but may even be schizophrenic" lol. Maybe I'm bias. No one wants to read they may be psychotic.


Anyway, a few of the traits, yes but not enough to say yeah, that's me. What should I be reading?


Combine bits of Gemini moon readings with with 4th house moon readings. Reading about the 4th house in general would probably help too


For me on a planet I actually go aspects - house placement - sign placement. I find aspects color anplanets expression much more than just its sign.


I wish I had more to share on 4th house, but it's empty in my chart and I don't know too many folks with placements there so I've never researched it before. 4th is correlated to cancer though, so having your Moon there makes it an 'accidental dignitary' because the house colors your moon in a more cancerian way.
click to expand


Thank you smile

Posted by Ellygant
Tall, Dark and Cancer is just as much of a romantic sap at heart as I am, just as I suspected from night one when he wrapped his arms tightly around me and whispered into my ear asking what I wanted things to be.


It only took another three months before he'd admit it again, with a few self defensive measures, one really manipulative statement attempt on his part and a one month break. Also after voluminous amounts of alcohol on his part last night.


But the flip side of drunken vulnerability is, while I believe it to be true, it's useless if his sober actions still don't match. And I'm hyper terrified of putting myself in a position to fall for another man that keeps love to himself until it's too late like what happened with the Scorp and I. And yeah he's not the Scorp and I'm not who I was with the Scorp. But I feel like I'd be a fool to not heed messages earlier now that I purposefully ignored with the Scorp.


But damn if it doesn't make it hard because when we are together, it feels like a fire in my soul, like every part of me is energized but at peace still and things just fit.


At the same time I just finally have become happy alone. I feel content not depending on anyone. I'm terrified to risk that and fuck all my shit up again since I finally am on track after such a long time. We're comfortably at a place where I can give in ways that are easy for me but not the ones that are difficult. I dote on him and spoil him and shower him in affection without having to open myself up too much or be actually responsible.


Is this venus Retro? Gosh. The flip flop is real. I'm not even gonna complain or fight it. Just take it all in and let it fall where it may.
The downside of dating sensitive guys :/
Posted by Ellygant
You don't have to answer, but do you find you're early childhood left a large impression on how you interact and perceive others?



Yeah. I'd say my experiences and observations during childhood has definitely shaped how I interpret behaviour, interact with others and respond to people. It's like my blueprint.


As an adult I am more aware and can reflect on my choices, but my immediate response always seems to be influenced by that blueprint. To push past it requires a conscious effort and it's rarely in the moment. More after the fact.
Feeling moody and grouchy...*press "ignore world" button*
Posted by VivaciousScorpio
Posted by LilliLou
Goodness. Its been a while stingers smile

Got a bit of back reading I see.


What is the bunny and Ands calling themselves these days...?
She lives!
click to expand
Hey VS! What's happening? I'm slack. It's a colonial thing...


Posted by VivaciousScorpio
Posted by LilliLou
Posted by VivaciousScorpio
Posted by LilliLou
Goodness. Its been a while stingers smile

Got a bit of back reading I see.


What is the bunny and Ands calling themselves these days...?
She lives!
Hey VS! What's happening? I'm slack. It's a colonial thing...


It's a ScorpSag thing ?
click to expand
Scorpittariususses unite! ???

Posted by Ellygant
I got the job. smile


User Submitted Image

Posted by exo



finally!


Hmph. *intrigued*


Ever feel everyone and everything is trying to get you?

That shvt is crazy, I'm tellin' ya.


For I can be a loon.

I twist and bend my frame of mind just because.


For this creature to end up still breathing,

Is somewhat peculiar.


In this rotten world.

In this rotten world.


People try to see the light.

I tend to embrace myself in darkness.

Don't you dare telling me I know not the light.

For I can have clearer vision of what light is.


And you'd say, leave her be.

And they do. Eventually.

Coz I'm tellin' you.

It's never been easy to get a handle of me.

And you may be overcompensating shvt.

Overanalyzing shvt.

And what for if not to a complete nill.


I'd say, embracing what she says, that change is perpetual.

And you better start believing it.

Before you hit rock bottom.


Tell you what, drink it down.

For I have taken the pill already.

You,

Have no choice but to drink it down.


Wait.

Again, I forgot.


I am my own worst enemy.

Gotta remember that.


Again.

Again.


And again.
Posted by Ellygant
Things I've learned about the moon signs this week:


Air moons... they're very preemptive about managing emotions....

User Submitted Image


*assess situation, mood, personality...proceed accordingly*
OMG, right now....

User Submitted Image
Posted by Ellygant
Posted by PhoenixRising
OMG, right now....

User Submitted Image
Me. All yesterday.


There was an Elly shaped indent in my bed.
click to expand


User Submitted Image


only because it's you.


Posted by Ellygant
Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by Ellygant
Things I've learned about the moon signs this week:


Air moons... they're very preemptive about managing emotions....

User Submitted Image
Yeah yeah. Tongue


The Gemini moon bff trying to explain handling me


"Yep, sometimes I think 'I gotta be preemptive and nip that shit before she spirals' then I turn around and see I've only made it worse and think 'oh damn she's spinning faster. I seem to have accelerated it.'"


Laughing
click to expand


LOL. Reminds me of this time when I was with someone (a stranger) and I could see she was upset. So I sat in silence with her and when I saw a single tear I thought *door number one, offer a tissue*....*door number two, sit closer to offer reassurance and offer a tissue*...*heart tugs a little. Okay, door number two*


Response: Collapse on my shoulder bawling, runny nose all over me...

Me: *Abort! Abort!, Dammit too late, she's holding too tight...Next time, just kick over the box of tissue*


Posted by -elle-
Okay, I always make fun of people who talk about the "Scorpio Stare"....being a scorp rising and a scorp....I just find it ridiculous....until today.


That shit is real, yo. Tongue


So, my cap boss was promoted about a month ago. He has been assigned to give me a new boss. The first one was selected for him....he didn't like him, so he was like...nope. I've been waiting in limbo.


He handpicked someone for me and I met him this morning.


We talked for about an hour and half to get to know each other. His fricken eye contact made me uncomfortable as all hell....but it appeared mine did to him as well. We kept locking eyes as we talked...being professional, but there were moments where both of us had to just look away. There wasn't anything sexual about this it was just hella weird.


Towards the end, he asked about hobbies....I told him that I was going to ask him a strange questions but I should get it out of the way before the cap boss asked if I 'read his palm'....I told him I was an astrologer and I would like to inquire his sign.


"Scorpio"


"I KNEW it."


"Why?"


"I dunno, just did." LOL


I loved my Scorp Supervisor. Very observant, decisive, direct, innovative, committed and protective of her staff.


Everyone else since she left...

User Submitted Image


Posted by Ellygant
...Everyone I've dated since the Scorp, even the person I fell for after him, I never wanted to be with those people for who they were, just for how they made me feel or what they could offer. And honestly they all lived in the ex's shadow...


Hmph. *reflects*.


I can relate to this.

Posted by Ellygant
Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by Ellygant
...Everyone I've dated since the Scorp, even the person I fell for after him, I never wanted to be with those people for who they were, just for how they made me feel or what they could offer. And honestly they all lived in the ex's shadow...


Hmph. *reflects*.


I can relate to this.

I personally didn't even realize it till I met this crab.


At the time I thought I genuinely liked those people. But as soon as they did something I didn't like, I lost all interest completely. Just went on to the next one. I've also acquired a habit of having a few suitors on call always throughout dating. I could end things with someone one morning and be out on a date with someone else that night.


TDC was different. I'm not really sure why. But first time he did something I didn't like my first thought wasn't 'fine. boy bye' it was 'What's going on in his mind that made him do that?'


Hadn't thought that about someone since I met my ex. It'd been years since I felt that feeling but it almost felt like it brought back flashbacks, in an emotional sense. Totally weird. I didn't want to cut and run and go find a more beneficial (ego stroking) arrangement.


It was super bizarre realizing that if I became exclusive with the crab, I would never consider giving that up to reconnect with the Scorp. Still feels weird to say.


Dunno if you relate to any of those parts lol.
click to expand


How shall I put this? Yes, but in different ways. I knew I didn't like the men I was dating. Not in a real way. They were pretty to look at and stimulating enough. A distraction. So, as soon as they did something I didn't like, I was "meh, time to move on". I didn't stop to question why, or want to discuss any problems that might come up for us.


My issue, it was far too soon for me to date after my ex. I knew this somewhere, but I had difficulty sitting with the emotions he left behind. I had (and still have in some respects) some growing to do in that area. I had school, but school only occupied 70% of my life. My thoughts can get out of hand even with very little time on my hands lol. I wanted very few gaps of time to be able to sit and rest, and inevitably think about our time together. Not even a sliver of time. Emotionally avoidant to the 10th power.


But you know how it goes. It ain't Scorp, if it ain't extreme.

Posted by Ellygant
Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by Ellygant
Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by Ellygant
...Everyone I've dated since the Scorp, even the person I fell for after him, I never wanted to be with those people for who they were, just for how they made me feel or what they could offer. And honestly they all lived in the ex's shadow...


Hmph. *reflects*.


I can relate to this.

I personally didn't even realize it till I met this crab.


At the time I thought I genuinely liked those people. But as soon as they did something I didn't like, I lost all interest completely. Just went on to the next one. I've also acquired a habit of having a few suitors on call always throughout dating. I could end things with someone one morning and be out on a date with someone else that night.


TDC was different. I'm not really sure why. But first time he did something I didn't like my first thought wasn't 'fine. boy bye' it was 'What's going on in his mind that made him do that?'


Hadn't thought that about someone since I met my ex. It'd been years since I felt that feeling but it almost felt like it brought back flashbacks, in an emotional sense. Totally weird. I didn't want to cut and run and go find a more beneficial (ego stroking) arrangement.


It was super bizarre realizing that if I became exclusive with the crab, I would never consider giving that up to reconnect with the Scorp. Still feels weird to say.


Dunno if you relate to any of those parts lol.


How shall I put this? Yes, but in different ways. I knew I didn't like the men I was dating. Not in a real way. They were pretty to look at and stimulating enough. A distraction. So, as soon as they did something I didn't like, I was "meh, time to move on". I didn't stop to question why, or want to discuss any problems that might come up for us.


My issue, it was far too soon for me to date after my ex. I knew this somewhere, but I had difficulty sitting with the emotions he left behind. I had (and still have in some respects) some growing to do in that area. I had school, but school only occupied 70% of my life. My thoughts can get out of hand even with very little time on my hands lol. I wanted very few gaps of time to be able to sit and rest, and inevitably think about our time together. Not even a sliver of time. Emotionally avoidant to the 10th power.


But you know how it goes. It ain't Scorp, if it ain't extreme.


If that ain't the truth lol.


I hit the dating scene real hard too for the same reasons. Gem mars can always find something somewhat interesting about anyone, for a short time.


Timing interests me in that regard. I actually tried to make some moves on TDC twice, two years ago when the Scorp and I broke up the first time for a few months. I was totally rebound focused though, and looking back am glad now it didn't pan out back then. My brain was still on Scorp, obviously since the Scorp and I made a go at it for another 8/9 months.


Going back over my dating history, you can see a clear pattern in the people I chose to focus on and how much I did or didn't work through with my ex. Now I really believe we attract people based on the energies we are working through.
click to expand


I can see that.

Current mood:


User Submitted Image
Substitute "summer" for "spring break". But yeah. That's pretty much how I look and feel right now.
Posted by Ellygant
Had a table last night. Teenage boy with his parents, between 14-17. Hard to tell these days for me lol. When ordering his side salad I list the options and he asks which one I like best. I tell him, he asks why, after me reply and he says 'Well then of course I want what you want.' With a small grin.


Lmao


The child has smoother moves than about 90% of the grown men I've dated over the last year. Right in front of his parents (who stifled their chuckles moderately). #nofucksgivenLaughing


Lol! Playa playa.



Oh for fuck sake! Why do I always manage to get myself fucking hurt. After my abusive ex husband I told myself not to let anyone in again. But being a sucker for punishment that I am and just wanting to love greatly and be loved the same in return I let a Taurus in.... And my heart is again in the process of being smashed to bits because I fell hard and fast again ?


What was that song I heard the other night:


men are all assholes and life's a bad joke, she laughed and started to cry.....


Yep welcome to my life!
Mah BFF is getting married.


Trying not to cry.
Posted by Ellygant
Posted by Andalusia
Mah BFF is getting married.


Trying not to cry.
Good cry?


Bad cry?


Both?
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GOOD cry smile
Recently, I had met up with a fellow Stinger friend whom I had know for over a decade now.


We come and go out of each other's lives, but somehow we are still very aware of one another.


We had the most spectacular of conversations, it almost never ended, as we kept prolonging it. The honesty, the same sense of humour, the bluntness of it all, the loyalty, and the trust, is incomparable. It was a conversation in which I have not had, with anyone in a very long while. Also, we are not afraid to say things as it is, that lack of fear or filters, though volatile at times, but if constructive, is a rather refreshing and rewarding experience.


He had shared information from the deepest part of him, and shared pains / successes along with that as well. I am so very thankful for having wonderful people like him, enter into myself, and give me joy. Hopefully, in turn, I am as good a friend to him as, he has been, to me.


The connection between two Stingers who trusts one another, and understand / comprehend the personality or quirks. There is nothing quite like it.


May this beautiful, deep, emotional, and sensitive friendship last for many more years to come.


@Ellygant


Your most recent profile picture, had left me speechless.


You look stunning, Elly and what a great angle that was.
Posted by Ellygant
Posted by TheLadyScorpio
@Ellygant


Your most recent profile picture, had left me speechless.


You look stunning, Elly and what a great angle that was.
☺️?????


Hug


Thank you!! Was hesitant to show off so much leg but I'm becoming more comfortable in my body here lately.


Gotta show off, blaming my one little Leo (Jupiter) placement. Big GrinLaughing
click to expand


That's you Elly?


#GirlCrushSolidified


Posted by Ellygant
Warning: Cancer Moon Emo Fest Ahead


Tonight after my last day at my old job I'm sitting in my room thinking of everything that's happened the last year.


Maybe it's venus Retrograde, maybe it's just me being my very regular relationship focused self, but the people I've loved and lost and people I never loved but have been enthralled with are on my mind. Just the more select and pivotal ones. When I think of these people I can almost fall back into the moment's memory.


The way the sheets smelled at the house I shared wth my ex Scorp. A mixture of his scent, my candles and that strange smell you can never place but just seems to fit a building. The way his eyes would be lit in a bluish glow sitting at his computer when I'd come home from work. How I could sometimes sneak up on him and watch his expression go from blank, to surprised to happy and laughing in just a few seconds. Our nights cuddled together with our dog on the couch. Laughing at cartoons and fart noises, yet he'd obsess over my coaster usage. The way I could still see the outline of his body even in the darkness of our room late at night, and I'd like to listen to his soft snores on the rare occasion he fell asleep first. I can't believe it's been well over a year now since I last laid next to him. Seems weird when I think that at one time I thought I'd always lay next to him.


The smell of parliaments and the dusty old couch at the house of the Scorpio Sun/Taurus moon I fell hard for too soon after the Scorp. How he'd numb himself with anything he could to sleep, trying to forget how much he hates himself. The way the faint, old night lights would cast a dingy glow as he whimpered and twitched in his sleep every night from nightmares.


The way park lights in their fake orange saturated the hair of the Cancer Sun/Cancer moon I rebounded with after things with the Taurus moon reached their end. How I remember knowing in that moment he was not for me, because all I could see was the light, not a single emotion towards him.


The green leaves that reflected old fluorescent bulbs on the face of the Leo Sun/Taurus moon o dated after him. His eyes had a deadness to him at the time that bothered me since I couldn't place it. I'd find it might later he was a heavy coke addict. But in that moment I found him unsettling.


The Virgo baby who stood me up a few months later, I recall our one nice night. He drove 40 minutes to come to my house and apologize. He sat at the edge of my driveway having such amazing conversation for hours, under a near full moon. I'd laugh uncontrollably when he freaked as a bat flew over head and we sat cross legged playing slap hands so I could distract him from his fear of bats.


The Cancer girl I dated cautiously for months, and how we spent nights walking around town with whiskey shots poured in our Starbucks and I'd tease her about her timidity and try to coax her out of her shell. How when she laid next to me, the candles in my room seem to perfectly illuminate the softness of her soul.


The Libra Sun and Moon I was totally enamoured with for months. How the purple string lights in my room were her sole focus because she was too nervous to look me in the eye. and despite ruthless psychological observance being my go to, all I wanted, all I did was hold and comfort her that one night, on her birthday, listening to her talk.


The second Scorpio/Taurus, who I flirted with often but only started dating in December. How his fear of yet craving for intimacy felt even stronger than my own. The way the sharp southern twang would roll off his tongue when he'd look at me and that cold crisp feeling of his loft. How he'd become very shy and bashful when I'd become bossy. The way he looked at me, a way I can't quite pin down now even, but with curious brown eyes and an expression that always left me perplexed.


TDC. The memory of me being sandwiched between him and a pool table when he surprised me by going in to make a move the day after Christmas, how his forwardness contradicted years of shyness. The warmth, strength yet odd trembling of when he held onto me that night and I just couldn't read him like I do most others. The way light poured over him in the morning and made his skin look golden even under a cloudy sky and I remember thinking he was the most beautiful sight my still broken heart had seen in quite some time. How aware I was when I saw him that my heart was still broken when I denied that fact all year. The fact he pretended to be asleep until I woke up, for almost an hour, and me wondering why. The countless looks that would follow in the coming months, a bulk of which he would never explain, just stare at me bewidlered, maybe curious? It's hard to tell. How I stayed next to him when he drank too much and when I'd leave he'd mutter apologies, then be surprised when I returned with water and a cold rag. How when I went to refill the water he simply would say 'Don't go. Please.' With such softness I'd slink back to his side.


My heart isn't broken anymore. I know that to be certain. It does still ache from time to time. Some more than others. It longs for a romantic adventure, some bit of peace and a story to write. People don't tend to understand why I hold onto memories so vividly, why I like to relive them. But it's for moments like this. Nights like tonight when I feel terribly alone, as if the things I desire most will never come or people didn't turn out to be what I perceived or imposed upon them. The memories of those moments, they keep me company. Because although they were fleeting moments, they were sincere. They were real. I got to see and care for people for who they were. See so many types of beauty, wonderment and amazing stories all exemplified in the individuals. How I shared a tiny piece of insight and genuineness even if it was temporary. These things, might not mean much to these people or anyone else, but they're full of life to me. And that soothes a lonely aching heart.
I love you.
I think someone hacked into my WiFi.


I sure hope they like Peaches, cause that's what they're getting.


And they better have their dick in the air


Posted by Ellygant
Posted by Andalusia
Posted by Ellygant
Warning: Cancer Moon Emo Fest Ahead


Tonight after my last day at my old job I'm sitting in my room thinking of everything that's happened the last year.


Maybe it's venus Retrograde, maybe it's just me being my very regular relationship focused self, but the people I've loved and lost and people I never loved but have been enthralled with are on my mind. Just the more select and pivotal ones. When I think of these people I can almost fall back into the moment's memory.


The way the sheets smelled at the house I shared wth my ex Scorp. A mixture of his scent, my candles and that strange smell you can never place but just seems to fit a building. The way his eyes would be lit in a bluish glow sitting at his computer when I'd come home from work. How I could sometimes sneak up on him and watch his expression go from blank, to surprised to happy and laughing in just a few seconds. Our nights cuddled together with our dog on the couch. Laughing at cartoons and fart noises, yet he'd obsess over my coaster usage. The way I could still see the outline of his body even in the darkness of our room late at night, and I'd like to listen to his soft snores on the rare occasion he fell asleep first. I can't believe it's been well over a year now since I last laid next to him. Seems weird when I think that at one time I thought I'd always lay next to him.


The smell of parliaments and the dusty old couch at the house of the Scorpio Sun/Taurus moon I fell hard for too soon after the Scorp. How he'd numb himself with anything he could to sleep, trying to forget how much he hates himself. The way the faint, old night lights would cast a dingy glow as he whimpered and twitched in his sleep every night from nightmares.


The way park lights in their fake orange saturated the hair of the Cancer Sun/Cancer moon I rebounded with after things with the Taurus moon reached their end. How I remember knowing in that moment he was not for me, because all I could see was the light, not a single emotion towards him.


The green leaves that reflected old fluorescent bulbs on the face of the Leo Sun/Taurus moon o dated after him. His eyes had a deadness to him at the time that bothered me since I couldn't place it. I'd find it might later he was a heavy coke addict. But in that moment I found him unsettling.


The Virgo baby who stood me up a few months later, I recall our one nice night. He drove 40 minutes to come to my house and apologize. He sat at the edge of my driveway having such amazing conversation for hours, under a near full moon. I'd laugh uncontrollably when he freaked as a bat flew over head and we sat cross legged playing slap hands so I could distract him from his fear of bats.


The Cancer girl I dated cautiously for months, and how we spent nights walking around town with whiskey shots poured in our Starbucks and I'd tease her about her timidity and try to coax her out of her shell. How when she laid next to me, the candles in my room seem to perfectly illuminate the softness of her soul.


The Libra Sun and Moon I was totally enamoured with for months. How the purple string lights in my room were her sole focus because she was too nervous to look me in the eye. and despite ruthless psychological observance being my go to, all I wanted, all I did was hold and comfort her that one night, on her birthday, listening to her talk.


The second Scorpio/Taurus, who I flirted with often but only started dating in December. How his fear of yet craving for intimacy felt even stronger than my own. The way the sharp southern twang would roll off his tongue when he'd look at me and that cold crisp feeling of his loft. How he'd become very shy and bashful when I'd become bossy. The way he looked at me, a way I can't quite pin down now even, but with curious brown eyes and an expression that always left me perplexed.


TDC. The memory of me being sandwiched between him and a pool table when he surprised me by going in to make a move the day after Christmas, how his forwardness contradicted years of shyness. The warmth, strength yet odd trembling of when he held onto me that night and I just couldn't read him like I do most others. The way light poured over him in the morning and made his skin look golden even under a cloudy sky and I remember thinking he was the most beautiful sight my still broken heart had seen in quite some time. How aware I was when I saw him that my heart was still broken when I denied that fact all year. The fact he pretended to be asleep until I woke up, for almost an hour, and me wondering why. The countless looks that would follow in the coming months, a bulk of which he would never explain, just stare at me bewidlered, maybe curious? It's hard to tell. How I stayed next to him when he drank too much and when I'd leave he'd mutter apologies, then be surprised when I returned with water and a cold rag. How when I went to refill the water he simply would say 'Don't go. Please.' With such softness I'd slink back to his side.


My heart isn't broken anymore. I know that to be certain. It does still ache from time to time. Some more than others. It longs for a romantic adventure, some bit of peace and a story to write. People don't tend to understand why I hold onto memories so vividly, why I like to relive them. But it's for moments like this. Nights like tonight when I feel terribly alone, as if the things I desire most will never come or people didn't turn out to be what I perceived or imposed upon them. The memories of those moments, they keep me company. Because although they were fleeting moments, they were sincere. They were real. I got to see and care for people for who they were. See so many types of beauty, wonderment and amazing stories all exemplified in the individuals. How I shared a tiny piece of insight and genuineness even if it was temporary. These things, might not mean much to these people or anyone else, but they're full of life to me. And that soothes a lonely aching heart.
I love you.
Hug


(Cancer Sailor Moon ftw. She always saved the day despite her emotional rages lol)
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You are able to articulate your cancer-sailor-moon in such beautiful profound ways. Your descriptions somehow wrap all 5 of my senses in a weird Internet swaddling cloth of description and comfort.


Idk how you manage it. Mine always shits the bed and dies somewhere between my thoughts and my voice box.
Also, I might want to hit my ex Scorp up for sexual healing.


But that's probably a bad call..
Posted by Ellygant
I'm sitting here watching a thunderstorm over the water. Lightning strikes snap and connect the sky horizon to the ocean water. Each spark flashes white brightly.



Great image Big Grin.


Posted by Ellygant
Ok so I have thought this for the last year now, and it's killing me. I won't make a thread because people might just take it as me throwing shade when I'm legit confused over it, no malice.


But why on earth do so many people block people they are dating or casually fucking over the SMALLEST shit?! It genuinely confuses me!


I thought that blocking features were only for psychos that don't stop calling and bill collectors. Why bother blocking someone just because you broke up or had a disagreement? If you want to ignore them, just ignore them.


It's seems like they are trying to hurt the person? If anything, I'd think that stone cold reading and ignoring messages would be more painful than a block. Plus if you block someone, very often there's no way for them to know they've been blocked, just make an educated guess.


But I see it in thread after thread after thread and hear friends talking about it occasionally. I just don't get it. Confused people are weird man.


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Big Grin, Seriously though blocking because you had an argument or want to "punish" someone is very grade school and I think it's very immature. It the modern day version of:

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That moment you read a few intriguing lines in the thread headline, click it and see a "War and Peace" length OP...

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Posted by Ellygant
Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by Ellygant
Ok so I have thought this for the last year now, and it's killing me. I won't make a thread because people might just take it as me throwing shade when I'm legit confused over it, no malice.


But why on earth do so many people block people they are dating or casually fucking over the SMALLEST shit?! It genuinely confuses me!


I thought that blocking features were only for psychos that don't stop calling and bill collectors. Why bother blocking someone just because you broke up or had a disagreement? If you want to ignore them, just ignore them.


It's seems like they are trying to hurt the person? If anything, I'd think that stone cold reading and ignoring messages would be more painful than a block. Plus if you block someone, very often there's no way for them to know they've been blocked, just make an educated guess.


But I see it in thread after thread after thread and hear friends talking about it occasionally. I just don't get it. Confused people are weird man.


User Submitted Image


Laughing


Are you saying it's the power trip of button pressing a human being away? Tongue


I always did like pressing the big red off button on my parents PC while they were working when I was a wee little kid. Straight Face Thankfully tech companies got smart to shit stirring kindergarteners everywhere and made the buttons the same color as the pc. Big Grin
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Best guess? Ego, power, and hurt feelings.


If you block them, you can pretend that they're still trying to contact you and you aren't responding. It's a weird psychological game ppl play with themselves in order to think they have the "upper hand" and stave off the feeling of rejection.


Plus it leaves the door open. In their mind at least.. "oh, the only reason we're not talking is because I blocked him/her. I'll unblock him/her when I'm ready to pick this up exactly where it left off, without having done any introspection or growth whatsoever. AKA once my hurt feelz become sad feelz."
Posted by Ellygant
.

Venus retro is almost over though. So yay.


+1



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