Need Advice? Standing Your Ground With Scorpio Man
This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by Libra_Baby on Tuesday, April 30, 2019 and has 15 replies.
My Scorpio husband of 4+ years…
We both put part of our salaries in a joint account for paying house loan, saving purposes etc. This joint account is the “only” savings account I have. He earns much more than I do.
Few months back he got a new job with much higher pay, which was great – but he chose to lie to me about his salary. I found out and confronted him, we argued, and I told him I was upset. He said he doesn’t like sharing his salary even though I share mine. I was upset, I became fine in a few days and the discussion just ended.
Then he opened a bank account and was trying to hide it from me – I found out, but this time confronted him very calmly and just said at least let me know you are saving some extra money in another account too. He said he made this account for whenever we plan a child and didn’t want this money to be touched. The discussion ended calmly.
Recently I said to my husband that out of what I put in our joint account, I will put some percentage% of that in the other (hidden) account, so we save more, but he refused and said no I don’t want to add you on that account and I want to keep it separate. When I asked why? He just said I don’t trust you coz you spend a lot, when I asked where do I spend? He didn’t really have a good answer. We argued. Next day I calmly told him that what you are doing is called “Financial Infidelity” and I suggest we either go to a counselor or I put all my salary savings in a fixed deposit in both of our names, he was upset and said you can put it in the deposit, its ok I will manage the house loan expenses etc. Since then we are only talking to each other to the point and are obviously upset. But I am standing my ground because I feel there was a pattern of him lying and hiding stuff, which is not acceptable to me. I don’t doubt him that he is using the money elsewhere, he is just secretive, controlling…and calculative I think, maybe he feels hes earning more, so he can save more besides our joint account, which is ok, but why lie and hide?) .
Otherwise, we have a happy marriage and he fulfills all my wishes, but as I mentioned above, he likes controlling and is secretive by nature (typical scorpio!)
Thoughts? Feedback would be highly appreciated! (I am a Libran)
We both put part of our salaries in a joint account for paying house loan, saving purposes etc. This joint account is the “only” savings account I have. He earns much more than I do.
Few months back he got a new job with much higher pay, which was great – but he chose to lie to me about his salary. I found out and confronted him, we argued, and I told him I was upset. He said he doesn’t like sharing his salary even though I share mine. I was upset, I became fine in a few days and the discussion just ended.
Then he opened a bank account and was trying to hide it from me – I found out, but this time confronted him very calmly and just said at least let me know you are saving some extra money in another account too. He said he made this account for whenever we plan a child and didn’t want this money to be touched. The discussion ended calmly.
Recently I said to my husband that out of what I put in our joint account, I will put some percentage% of that in the other (hidden) account, so we save more, but he refused and said no I don’t want to add you on that account and I want to keep it separate. When I asked why? He just said I don’t trust you coz you spend a lot, when I asked where do I spend? He didn’t really have a good answer. We argued. Next day I calmly told him that what you are doing is called “Financial Infidelity” and I suggest we either go to a counselor or I put all my salary savings in a fixed deposit in both of our names, he was upset and said you can put it in the deposit, its ok I will manage the house loan expenses etc. Since then we are only talking to each other to the point and are obviously upset. But I am standing my ground because I feel there was a pattern of him lying and hiding stuff, which is not acceptable to me. I don’t doubt him that he is using the money elsewhere, he is just secretive, controlling…and calculative I think, maybe he feels hes earning more, so he can save more besides our joint account, which is ok, but why lie and hide?) .
Otherwise, we have a happy marriage and he fulfills all my wishes, but as I mentioned above, he likes controlling and is secretive by nature (typical scorpio!)
Thoughts? Feedback would be highly appreciated! (I am a Libran)
ummmm That's a hard one... money is a sensitive issue. Should he have hidden and lied about things? No absolutely not. But if you have a spending issue and he's trying to save for your future then that's not wrong, that's proactive and he cares.
Maybe step back and try and find out why he'd want to hide these things in the first place... if you're bad an finances it's time to check stock on yourself to not just his issues.
Maybe step back and try and find out why he'd want to hide these things in the first place... if you're bad an finances it's time to check stock on yourself to not just his issues.
Something about Scorpios and stability. Something must have spooked him to start saving for rainy days. Maybe it was your actions, hard to truly see ourselves and how others perceive us. Or maybe something else triggered this in him. I would ask if something happened at work. Something is urging him to prepare and it can't hurt to have that money tucked away
Thank you everyone for your responses. I am ok with the money not being touched, but when I am saying I will put some of my salary too in that account, so we save more, why is he refusing?
What you should do is open up your own separate savings account and start putting your extra cash in there. That will burn his britches good. They don't mind having secrets from you but it's another story when you keep secrets from them.
Yes, I can open a separate savings, but we are in a marriage and just doing things separately won't sustain long-term. For now I am thinking I will do as he agreed to, which is open a fixed deposit and put my savings in these and put nothing in our joint account. I am just trying to stand my ground here because I feel it was wrong for him to lie first and then hide.
I'm a Taurus and that shit would not fly with me. No secrets and hiding things and then give me the blow off when I want to discuss. That does not lend itself well to my feeling secure in a relationship. We both need to know exactly what is going on in order to help maintain and uphold it all. He may have good intentions but he's going about it in a very insecure way. Are you an overspender ? is that true do you think ? If you had access to that account to put additional funds into, then you'd have access to that account and that is what he doesn't want for some reason. Is he afraid it might get spent if you have access? SO, there would be an account that only has his name on it and if something happened to him where would that leave you? None of this matters to me but the fact first and foremost that he kept it a secret and tried to hide it. That smells. I suggest therapy if he can not communicate to you what his true intentions are.
Posted by Phantom_Limbosorry you had to go through that and sorry he got sick and had to rely on you which of course you pulled through - that sucks and people need counseling when it comes to this area sometimes - because that is what a marriage is - learning to work with another personPosted by Libra_BabyWe struggled with whose stuff belonged to whom for a long time. Separate accounts, etc., etc. He made more money than I did, so of course he didn't want to share 50/50. The thing is, we worked the same amount of hours, did the same amount of chores at home, but had to live different life style s because I was paid less, and I could never catch him. He got to make all the decisions about major purchases, because it was _his_ money. It wasn't until he got sick, and I had to carry him for a few years that I was able to make him see how unfair it had been. We share everything now, and we haven't fought about money in years.
Yes, I can open a separate savings, but we are in a marriage and just doing things separately won't sustain long-term. For now I am thinking I will do as he agreed to, which is open a fixed deposit and put my savings in these and put nothing in our joint account. I am just trying to stand my ground here because I feel it was wrong for him to lie first and then hide.click to expand
Thanks for the responses.
@tctaap: Agree with you a 100% " a marriage is - learning to work with another person"
@Phantom_Limbo: Sorry you went through that and I am glad you both worked it out. Yes, I too think it is unfair that he has more control just because he earns more. As you said, at the end of the day we both work equally hard and put in the same amount of hours.
For now we are only talking to each other when needed, which is weird because we live under one roof. I am trying to stand my ground with him, as I know Scorpio's can be very stubborn, so its best not be a pushover. Hopefully we can sort this out soon because I miss him!
@tctaap: Agree with you a 100% " a marriage is - learning to work with another person"
@Phantom_Limbo: Sorry you went through that and I am glad you both worked it out. Yes, I too think it is unfair that he has more control just because he earns more. As you said, at the end of the day we both work equally hard and put in the same amount of hours.
For now we are only talking to each other when needed, which is weird because we live under one roof. I am trying to stand my ground with him, as I know Scorpio's can be very stubborn, so its best not be a pushover. Hopefully we can sort this out soon because I miss him!
has he been open to marriage or financial counseling ? yeah, they are stubborn to the point of needing smacked upside the head sometimes - I can't deal - and they say Taurus is stubborn - HUMFPH !
I don’t like this.
You both should keep your money separate. Savings account should be based on a percentage of your income. Let’s say 25% ...
So if you take home 4K per month you’d contribute 1k to joint savings. He makes let’s say 6k he puts in 1.5k each month.
Then have a separate account for living expenses like bills, car insurance, rent etc where you both contribute equally.
Someone hiding money from their spouse would make me think they are cheating and need to keep the paper trail separate. Or they are thinking of making an exit from the relationship and getting their ducks in a row. Red flags 😬😬
You both should keep your money separate. Savings account should be based on a percentage of your income. Let’s say 25% ...
So if you take home 4K per month you’d contribute 1k to joint savings. He makes let’s say 6k he puts in 1.5k each month.
Then have a separate account for living expenses like bills, car insurance, rent etc where you both contribute equally.
Someone hiding money from their spouse would make me think they are cheating and need to keep the paper trail separate. Or they are thinking of making an exit from the relationship and getting their ducks in a row. Red flags 😬😬
@tctaap: No he is not open to that because he feels its not such a big issue to begin with because otherwise we have a happy marriage. But I firmly believe that he lied and hid all this because somewhere he knew he was being selfish and unfair. He just has an ego and cannot accept it.
@Phantom_Limbo: I completely understand and I am feeling the same way...I feel I have become resentful. I felt like I was being honest and he broke my trust for no reason. And no I am not a spendthrift. Never do i spend from our joint account. That's why i feel every time I catch him, he just comes up with an excuse like "i don't like sharing my salary info", "Saving for when we have a child", "you spend a lot" and hence this time I am being firm with him and not trying to makeup (like always)
@Phantom_Limbo: I completely understand and I am feeling the same way...I feel I have become resentful. I felt like I was being honest and he broke my trust for no reason. And no I am not a spendthrift. Never do i spend from our joint account. That's why i feel every time I catch him, he just comes up with an excuse like "i don't like sharing my salary info", "Saving for when we have a child", "you spend a lot" and hence this time I am being firm with him and not trying to makeup (like always)
@tctaap: No he is not open to that because he feels its not such a big issue to begin with because otherwise we have a happy marriage. But I firmly believe that he lied and hid all this because somewhere he knew he was being selfish and unfair. He just has an ego and cannot accept it.
@Phantom_Limbo: I completely understand and I am feeling the same way...I feel I have become resentful. I felt like I was being honest and he broke my trust for no reason. And no I am not a spendthrift. Never do i spend from our joint account. That's why i feel every time I catch him, he just comes up with an excuse like "i don't like sharing my salary info", "Saving for when we have a child", "you spend a lot" and hence this time I am being firm with him and not trying to makeup (like always)
@Phantom_Limbo: I completely understand and I am feeling the same way...I feel I have become resentful. I felt like I was being honest and he broke my trust for no reason. And no I am not a spendthrift. Never do i spend from our joint account. That's why i feel every time I catch him, he just comes up with an excuse like "i don't like sharing my salary info", "Saving for when we have a child", "you spend a lot" and hence this time I am being firm with him and not trying to makeup (like always)
Keep money separate always whoever you're with (advice from my wise Cappy mother)
He sounds as sneaky as hell
He sounds as sneaky as hell
He said he doesn’t like sharing his salary even though I share mine.
Such a horrible Scorpio double standard....
He can't have the best of both worlds tell him ..... he is a married man...
Such a horrible Scorpio double standard....
He can't have the best of both worlds tell him ..... he is a married man...
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