Hey everyone I'm starting to really worry about my girlfriend (who is a Scorpio). It's fairly obvious that she's depressed over something (or many things) and I would just like some advice on how to help her, if I can. Also I'd love it if some of you could give your opinion on whether or not I might have something to do with it.
Just to give a quick backstory we started dating about 7 months ago (Living together for about 5 months, and been friends for almost 2 years). Before we started dating I was in another relationship that was kind of ending and she was putting a lot of effort into "winning me over". She was also in a relationship at the time but she had wanted out for months at that point. We did eventually both become single and started dating each other. Everything was great for the first 6 or so months (and still, for the most part, is) but she's changed a lot in the last month or so.
At this point I feel I should mention that I'm fully aware of the whole "Honeymoon" period in a relationship and know that no one is ever exactly the same after that period ends and two people get comfortable with each other but this seems different. In a lot of ways she's a totally different person. some of the things I've noticed lately:
-She's very easily agitated, to the point of snapping at me for little things
-She's sad or "down" a lot of the time. I've noticed that when she's around other people she can be happy. Laughing, smiling, ect. But when it's just me and her she's mostly just "down".
-It doesn't seem like shes sleeping well.
-The affection level has gone way down. I brought this up to her and she has, however, done really well trying to bring it back up. It feels forced sometimes but that might just be me over analyzing things, not sure.
She does have some pretty big things going on in her life right now (about to graduate her Masters program, major car problems, ect.) so I would totally understand her feeling stressed or overwhelmed. I just want to make sure I'm not the cause of it (or adding to it).
Also if it helps she's made it seem like she's never had a good relationship before. She's told me that before me she's never really been with anyone "compatible" with her. I'm not sure exactly how many guys she's dated but she's told me they've pretty much all cheated on her (she wasn't sure about the one before me but it doesn't seem like he did).
I tried to bring all this up to her last night and she just kept apologizing.I told her it wasn't something she needed to apologize for but that I was just worried about her. Whenever I tried to get her to talk about what it was that was bothering her and if it was me that was causing her to feel this way she just said she didn't want to talk about it and hugged/cuddled up to me on our couch.
She also sent me a text yesterday during the day saying that she knows she's been acting strange lately and that it isn't fair to me, she'd try to cheer up and that she Loves me. On our way home (we work together) she was down and not saying much and was pretty much like that until I brought up the fact that I'm worried about her (after we got home). After that her mood improved a little.
I know this probably isn't a lot to go on but if anyone could let me know if they think I might have something to do with this that would be really appreciated. She won't talk to me about it so I'm pretty much just left to wonder if it's me thats causing her to be so down/irritable all the time. I do Love her and want to help her through this if I can.
If anyone needs more info I'd be happy to answer any questions
Thanks again
Hey thanks for the replies. As far as I know she's never gone to therapy. I will be more than willing to be there for her if she's dealing with some kind of clinical depression. I just want to make sure I'm not contributing to it.
I'd suggest therapy to her too, also maybe u can help her with her car?
Hey thanks for the replies. She actually did just get a new car. It's just the money situation with the car that I could see stressing her out. She actually came home earlier and apologized for not talking about it yesterday and said that there are going to be good days and bad days. She said she's not sure why she gets this way but says that she's always "looking for something" which is why she is always doing these little crafts that she does. I'm not sure exactly what she meant by that but I really didn't want to push the issue.
I can definitely relate to this. I have clinical depression and every relationship that I have been in always ends up with my depression catching up to me. Some guys can handle it and other can't. What happens usually is that I am unbelievably happy for the first several months, but eventually that high of falling in love turns into fear. Depression cripples you to the point where you just feel completely helpless. I know for me in the past, I always felt that love could be the ultimate cure for my depression. Yet sadly it never has.
Your girlfriend may seem distant and as if she's pushing you away, but honestly she needs you now more than ever. She might be afraid that you'll leave her because of this and she might expect you to. You just need to show her that you care as much as you possibly can. In my personal opinion, that's the best thing you can possibly do. And try to support her no matter what. I would definitely agree that she should try seeing a counselor or a psychiatrist. I know a lot of people are against anti-depressants, but they honestly have saved my life. I hope that things will get better for her and for you both as a couple as well. If you truly love her, no challenge will be too great for you to get through.