Not feeling it or part of the plan??

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by Sagittariuslove on Sunday, March 1, 2015 and has 30 replies.
Hello, I have been lurking this forum for A while And decided to join. I definitely would like some feedback on this Scorpio guy and what is/was/ or will be our situation. We met online after he messaged me and had a good conversation. Later on that same day we met up at his place and watched a movie while we talked. After our first meeting he said he enjoyed himself and liked my chill demeanor. The next few days consisted of text back and forth and again meeting up two more times which went well like the first. Then there was a period for about a week when he went out of town for about a week and he told me he missed me. Now at first he called me affection names such as babe etc. And just seemed to be very talkative via text. However at his place he wasn't too talkative but was very touchy. Like just touching my back. laying near me etc. when he came back we were supposed to hang that day but he ended up saying he had sosomething else to do which kinda bummed me so I was a little upset. He called me however but it was very kind of weird and I felt I had to force conversation and ended up saying I was upset and would call back. He sent a text about a half hour later saying he wished we saw each other and that he is not really a phone person. About a week later we saw each other again and finally had sex. Then throughout the next week we made plans and I ended up having to miss out on and unfortunately I wasn't able to text him until two days later letting him know what happened and why I couldn't make it. He didn't seem upset however from that point on things have been different. I no longer got many good morning text. I do not get responses to calling him things such as baby, or flirting yet will get responses to non flirty text. after noticing this I asked to go on A date and we did and seemed to have fun. I mean he put his hand on mine and we laughed a lot. After our date more texting but not as much as usual. Then a month goes by and I ask to see him again and go to his place. We end up falling asleep together but it wasn't what I expected. I mean I went there with intentions of talking not just watching a movie a d literally falling asleep. So after this I thought maybe things wouldnt go anywhere and did not text him for about a week and a half. Well after about two weeks I get a hi text. This sparks conversation but nothing more. This starts a pattern where we don't text or talk for about a mo
You moved too quickly on to the sex. Yes, he wanted it, yes you wanted it.
After he has what he wants, he may realize that you might be this way with a lot of others you have dated, especially since you have met online. Whether they know it or not, they need to be able to observe you for a lot longer, in public from afar and choose you without you realizing it, and then once they choose you to pursue, you still have to let them get to know you without getting naked, because sex to them is souls merging, not mutual masturbation.
Also, try to get his birth chart. His sun sign is only the tip of the iceberg. Moon signs are really important with compatibility.
Good luck getting his exact time of birth and city without looking a bit weird, though.
Thanks for your analysis. I agree it may be weird to ask that..especially since I dont text him first as this point. Honestly the whole thing is just so confusing...I thought gens won in the confusing department but nope both signs are crazy to try and figure out lol.
Posted by Sagittariuslove
...Then throughout the next week we made plans and I ended up having to miss out on and unfortunately I wasn't able to text him until two days later letting him know what happened and why I couldn't make it. He didn't seem upset however from that point on things have been different. I no longer got many good morning text.


What was the excuse you gave for missing the plans that you made throughout the week?
Posted by Sagittariuslove
... after noticing this I asked to go on A date and we did and seemed to have fun. I mean he put his hand on mine and we laughed a lot. After our date more texting but not as much as usual. Then a month goes by and I ask to see him again and go to his place. We end up falling asleep together but it wasn't what I expected....I went there with intentions of talking not just watching a movie a d literally falling asleep. So after this I thought maybe things wouldnt go anywhere and did not text him for about a week and a half. Well after about two weeks I get a hi text. This sparks conversation but nothing more.
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So you sense something was off, but rather than address it directly you simply tried to proceed as usual. When that didn't work, rather than have a conversation to perhap fix the issue you simply stopped talking to him for a week and you're now wondering what the situation is between the two of you?
A whole lot of nothing.
You say you went there with the intention of talking, so why didn't you talk? Was there something that prevented you from telling him to pause the movie and speak your peace? Two passive players won't get very far. You messed up by not attending whatever plans you had and not having the courtesy to cancel beforehand. Just because he didn't blow up didn't mean he wasn't upset (aka dissapointed), but I'm still waiting to hear what excuse you gave him.
Hi Phoenixrising. Thanks for your feedback.I wanted to have a conversation yes but he doesn't seem to be into talking to me about feelings. Whenever I ask him things I don't get to talk much about feelings. I'm not sure if this is common with all Scorpio but for example asking what he wants to do he will say you tell Me. If I ask him to tell me about himself he will say hmm you a d that question lol. It's like I feel like he talks to me about things when he wants so I try not to force the talking between us. As for what happened. I was really bummed because I had gotten into a car accident. I also would not say I have been passive. in fact I feel like I have put myself out there more than I ever have and as a sag I'm usually not afraid to do so but with hI'm I feel I have done it soo much that I feel like I am coMing off desperate. After all I admittd my feelings first, I asked for our first date, I was always the one usually calling him my baby, mine and etc. I sent the gift on v Day... Etc. So I appreciate your outside eye and opinion but I do Not think I have shown passive at all. In fact I have been aggressive and slowly loosing that aaggression because of lack of confirmation of return interest. At this point I still have feelings but I can't keep fighting for something that I'm not sure even wants me to fight for it.
Hi Tiziani. Trust me I would love to do more than text but he's not a phone person and I'm not going to continue to ask to see him. I feel like he wants me to continue to ask to see him but I did twice and did not get a no...but...also did not get a yes. This is not a game. The more I post about this the clearer it becomes that whIle I do care about him. I need Someone more direct.
I guess you do not have a daily interaction with him, such as working, etc.. Scorps like to observe their potential significant other from afar, to observe how that person acts in different situations/scenarios, who you socialize with, etc.. That way, a Scorp can determine if he/she can trust you. I personally think he wants to open up but it has to be more face to face. I agree with others about how fast the relationship moved--and that it needs to be moved from a texting relationship to face to face. I believe some Scorps have trouble talking about surface stuff, they are more intense and want to provide you the in-depth details. By seeing you in person, he can access and/or sense whether the timing/ambience are okay enough to be more open and DEEP. And that you are receptive to him sharing something deep and personal stuff about himself to you, and that you will not be scared off by such intensity.
On the bright side, he is in communication with you. If you do not interest a Scorp, you would have been pretty much forgotten. Perpetual radio silence. Scorpios pretty much do not like to waste time, will not socialize if it isn't necessary. You are definitely in a strong position if he shares something about his childhood, how he was raised, etc.. If he trusts you, he will be very open.
Also, I do not know too many Scorps who are chatty. If you force a conversation out of them, they can become very annoyed. And will shut down further.
Hi straightforwardScorpio. So at this point I should continue to text him and ask to see him in person then? Bbecause I had pretty much stopped doing both so now here and there I get a text from him but not many. I just want confirmation I'm not making a fool of myself by continuing to try and talk to him/ get to know him if that's not what he wants so that's why I fell back and as of now there isn't too much activity between us because I can tell he also does not want to continually text/call me I guess could be for the same reason..Even Though I've been pretty clear about how I feel
Communication is key to starting a relationship. You have to know what you want and demand what you want. I say I'm not a phone person to people who only can do small talk and not have stimulating deep conversations with. You can't keep assuming how he feels and what he thinks you have to TALK to him and ask him. We don't like forceful conversations because we have to open up on our time but if he is giving you mix signals then you have to ask him what does he really think about you. Your not a mind reader and he isn't either.
I agree with ^. Need to talk. Scorps will purposely wait on you to initiate the RIGHT kind of conversation just to see if it's as important to you as it is to them. He could also be not interested. Only one way to find out
Thank you both. I will tell him how I feel. And also ask how he feels as well. Its interesting because I actually spoke to him today and jokingly flirted. He positively responded but I still did not ask how he feels nor did he directly say he is interested in taking things further. I guess in the near future. I will have to have that conversation and it will tell the future for us.
Posted by Sagittariuslove
Hi Phoenixrising. Thanks for your feedback.I wanted to have a conversation yes but he doesn't seem to be into talking to me about feelings. Whenever I ask him things I don't get to talk much about feelings. I'm not sure if this is common with all Scorpio but for example asking what he wants to do he will say you tell Me. If I ask him to tell me about himself he will say hmm you a d that question lol. It's like I feel like he talks to me about things when he wants so I try not to force the talking between us....


That's all well and good, but that doesn't negate from (or even address) what I wrote. So if I understand all of what you wrote, you noticed there was an issue because you couldn't follow through with plans you made and you didn't plan to address that at all. "Talking" to you means you had hoped he would look past his feeling about the failed plans you had (since that was what you were sensing) and open up about what he was feeling to reassure you all was still good given the lack of "good morning" text. When that didn't happen you stopped talking to him for a week and a half and now you're wondering if he's playing games? Is that correct? My comment about being passive still stands. You both have an issue with the other and rather than address it directly are doing whatever the hell you've just described. That is what my comment was addressing. Whether it works out with this guy or not, those are things you may want to work on.
The bigger issue imo is the fact that you were in a car accident and his response was to act like a dissapointed child? That is, if his lack of interest was in response to the missed plans. If that is correct, I think you already know how you should do.
Posted by Sagittariuslove
as for what happened. I was really bummed because I had gotten into a car accident.


I may be pushing this a little, but when did you get into the accident? Was it the day of or prior to? I guess I'm stuck on "I was bummed out" by the accident vs I was "hurt" in an accident. I am wondering what you told him exactly.
Posted by Sagittariuslove
...I feel like I have put myself out there more than I ever have and as a sag I'm usually not afraid to do so but with hI'm I feel I have done it soo much that I feel like I am coMing off desperate. After all I admittd my feelings first, I asked for our first date, I was always the one usually calling him my baby, mine and etc. I sent the gift on v Day... Etc. So I appreciate your outside eye and opinion but I do ...In fact I have been aggressive and slowly loosing that aaggression because of lack of confirmation of return interest. At this point I still have feelings but I can't keep fighting for something that I'm not sure even wants me to fight for it.
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Well I'm not one for following "rules on dating" so who said what first and who ask who out first is all irrelevant to me tbh. However, if you feel you're doing too much then you are. I find the issue that most of the people that post here have is they don't listen to their own voice enough. So if I or a group of Scorps told you to hang in there and continue to push and put yourself out there with this guy even if it were at the detriment of your self esteem would you? That's basically what you're describing. Listen to what you're feeling. Pay attention to what is happening. You gave this guy a Vday gift after weeks (or was it months) of no contact and he say "gee thanks". You don't think that was too much given the circumstances and what he's been giving in return? To be clear I'm not talking about a tit for tat. Giving a gift does not require a gift imo. I mean how has he made you feel up to that point and what was the state of your "thing" that made you feel a gift would be warranted? If nothing, yeah you're doing too much.
Also, being assertive ("aggression" isn't necessary or suggested) isn't just about putting yourself out there, showering gifts on someone and using a lot of empty words (e.g. calling him baby, "mine" etc).
^^^
I mean why would one say this especially when you don't even know how he feels? Being assertive is about letting someone know what it is you want based on what you know you deserve. If you feel you've been doing too much and want to know where you stand, say so. Have an actual converstaion about that. Otherwise you're just wasting your time and hoping he'll come around.
Did somebody ask for your chart information here? and his?
Do you have a few Earth or Water signs? Does he have a few Air or Fire signs?
If you are too much of a Sag (like me), he cannot feel/reciprocate your love until you are caged. It can take years btw.
So you need some cage-willing placements in your chart. Cancer, Pisces, Virgo, Capricorn, Libra etc. Or maybe a good house overlapping (what is this?).
I wrote some more earlier on, but reading all posts here, I had to hide it, though I'd prefer to delete it. I think if you are continuously texting/calling, it's a very good idea to stop. Plenty of Scorps do not like it when people pursue them by continuously texting and/or calling, as though to force a response. Scorps often react to perceived pushiness (example: more than two attempts at contact) by shutting down, can become a lot more resistant.
Right now I recommend putting this relationship on ice. Do you think you can emotionally put this relationship on ice, simply move on with life goals to pursue? Scorps do this all the time. That is why they have the nerve to come back, asking if you still have feelings for them. lol
I am betting he will contact you. Just be patience, don't be impulsive.
PhoenixRising we were supposed to hang on Friday and the accident happened on Thursday. I think when I explained and said sorry for not making it I just said something like someone hit my car. It was a rough weekend and also I had a huge fight with my friend. It was true but maybe I could have been more detailed in delivering that I'm not sure. I didn't wanna talk about it so didn't really feel the need to explain further. Nor Did he ask more about it he just said ok or cool If I remember correctly. And thanks for breaking down what u were saying about passive. I guess I was looking at things as I don't want to bring up every single thing I felt in regards to the way he communicates because I felt that would push him away more. But you're right if I felt that way maybe I should have addressed it right then and there. Even though I think I would have been direct but who knows how that conversation would have went then. I mean it was still fresh after we didn't hang out due to me being unable to make it etc. So all I can do is move forward with every intention of talking about what I feel.
As far as listening to advice. It comes down to if I feel it is not getting anywhere I am walking away. I do in a sense feel that way but everytime I'm about to there is the slightest reassurance that it's not done yet Hence why I haven't chucked the dueces just yet.so from all the great advice you I have given I think that I will 1.) Have a conversation asking what are his exact feelings. About this relationship. Where does he see it going and does he want it to go there? 2.) No matter what his response is I will share how I feel.3.) Depending on that conversation I will wish him the best. Or show him the best. But you're right. No more doing these things if they make me feel like I'm doing more than I should and feeling unsure if I'm not actually getting clarity or asking for clarity because otherwise I'll be posting another thread in 3 more months again seeing as this cycle would continue. The one thing I can say is I have that Sag nature at its best. If I look past you I'm walking away full force. No looking back.
Dwellingonmove hi, Sorry about the grammar guys doing this on my phone and it's not fun. I do have a bit of earth in my chart. I have moon In Taurus and cap is quite common too if I remember. Not sure about his chart.
StraightforwardScorpio thanks for your advice as well. I am going to have the conversation first asking what is the deal and laying everything out on the table before I put it on ice. Becaue I feel this post had made it clear that if I dont do that this cycle Will continue the way it had been. Because like you said I have no doubts he will contact me again if I pull away. He has done that more than 3 times and that's why we still have contact. I thin. Like Phoenix said the problem is that even though he contacts me back nothing ever gets talked about. Me being a sag I'm kinda used to the drop in and out of people's life thing so maybe I accepted him just coming back and not really addressing how I feel because was simply happy to hear from him again. But I don't want that in a relationship. So I contacted him yesterday we had a good small little Convo. I will wait a few days and then ask to talk and after that. Will either be done or his friend or with him. One of the three. either way I'll be good because I want the best for both of us. Thanks to all you guys for the cool and real responses.
look man, this is what they do. Im a sag girl whose been tryin to rid herself of a scorpio for months. Ive cursed him out, ive threatened him, etc. he's borderline delusional. fuck all that talking. it wont do you any good, imo. He's going to keep doing what comes naturally to him. he really doesnt get that the sight of him makes me want to throw up.
He will show up to places he hasnt even been invited to because he finds out from a 3rd source that i will be there. its fucking annoying. He will yell my name across the repeatedly. I just ignore him. it looks crazy as hell to everyone in the room. but im sick of him trying to spark up a some superficial (gemini moon) conversation with me knowing that i dont want nor need him in my life. Im super good.
I swear, you tell them to fuck off and somehow that equates to interest.
sorry to highjack your thread, but ive just been there done that. Really think about if this dude is even worth a conversation.
months, years, ive been trying to get rid of him. theres no need to acknowledge me if you see me. trust, i will be A O K.
DMV that's some crazy stuff.. I definitely am not trying to get involved in anything remotely near that. Good luck with finally shaking him.
Sagitauruslove, hopefully when you have that talk with him, it will be at a place that is quiet with NO or limited number of people around (examples: in a parked car on a quiet street, an unpopular caf?, a park bench). And I wouldn't recommend having the talk at his or your place because you two would be too distracted, end up getting physical. And the talk wouldn't happen.
BTW, wondering, do you act too casual with him? A little too laid-back? He could be mirroring you.

Posted by DwellingOnMove
Posted by Sagittariuslove
Dwellingonmove hi, Sorry about the grammar guys doing this on my phone and it's not fun. I do have a bit of earth in my chart. I have moon In Taurus and cap is quite common too if I remember. Not sure about his chart.

what does it mean, "Cap is quite common"? Do you mean Cap in Pluto, Neptune, Uranus? Generational? Not sure if it is helpful enough.
Taurus is good. But also a competition for Sc. Yet another reason for power struggles.
I leave this thread with my last notes:
1. Young generation say themselves, "so tired of flirting-heavily texting-meeting/sex-falling down cycle".
2. if a relationship needs to be analysed on the net, it has already failed.
3. Sag and Scorp = Lion and Cage. It does not work in 90% of the time.
4. This is just a lesson for you to see how you can be victim of your "passion for being challenged".
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#2. Dxp where relationships come to die.

StraightforwardScorpio I mean I do have a very laid back attitude in general but no with him I have been able to still act very interested and communicative about what I want. And while the talk happenening at A private place would probably benefit. I'm kinda at the point where it is what it is. I mean the fact that I am even attempting to talk to him about this still should be enough. I have a feeling it will just be for closure. So hey it may even take place via phone at this point. Especially with eveyones advice to move on. The way I worded that may seem as iM not making a true effort but I'm Looking at it like this: the guy knows I care. It's not like he is totally unaware or I've never told him I liked him or was into him etc. He already knows that and has heard that and has yet to say how he feels towards me expect that he likes me too because I'm different. And I had to ask him to hear that. It wasn't a natural expression to hearing how I felt. so I feel no need to make this a special meeting to find out if he wants a next level relationship. It's a simple are u reciprocating or not.
I met my scorpio online too and he never wanted to spend time together...he was fine with long distance relationship and me being a Virgo no damn way! Lol I gotta see you to connect with you! Yeah trust your inner gut and instincts I have never been wrong when I had that feeling about something being off or wrong too.
Hey virgo1971 thanks for the advice
Posted by Sagittariuslove

StraightforwardScorpio I mean I do have a very laid back attitude in general but no with him I have been able to still act very interested and communicative about what I want. And while the talk happenening at A private place would probably benefit. I'm kinda at the point where it is what it is. I mean the fact that I am even attempting to talk to him about this still should be enough. I have a feeling it will just be for closure. So hey it may even take place via phone at this point. Especially with eveyones advice to move on. The way I worded that may seem as iM not making a true effort but I'm Looking at it like this: the guy knows I care. It's not like he is totally unaware or I've never told him I liked him or was into him etc. He already knows that and has heard that and has yet to say how he feels towards me expect that he likes me too because I'm different. And I had to ask him to hear that. It wasn't a natural expression to hearing how I felt. so I feel no need to make this a special meeting to find out if he wants a next level relationship. It's a simple are u reciprocating or not.


Okay, Sagistauruslove, I do agree that if you have to chase, pin a guy down, then you might as well move on.
Obviously he is throwing trinkets at you, just enough to keep you emotionally attached, interested, whatever.
What do you hope to gain from having this talk, meeting with him in person or by phone? If you doing it to gain closure for yourself, it may not be such a great idea. Plan may go awry, for example, he may confess his great love for you, then you accept, then before you know it, he is doing the same thing--which drove you to this board in the first place.
If he is acting the way how you described it, I don't think he is going to entirely let you go. He is going revolve door in and out of your life. He will probably tell you things, exhibit emotions that will make it harder for you to put your foot down with him.
So again, why are you hoping to have this talk? If you want him as your boyfriend, better tell him what you want. If he agrees, then he better show it through actions. A Scorp can do this by acting very territorial, possessive--always helicoptering nearby. You will know that you belong to a Scorp, lol.
If you feel abandoned, he's not around to claim you, dump him. Move on. Have no contact with him.

Well a asked what the deal is. And I got my answer. So he moved further from his place he was at and he is leaving the state entirely soon. He said that he thinks I'm great but is not sure that we would be able to spend the time together I am looking for in a relationship. He said he would be happy to continue to go on dates for now but it just ended up being one of those conversations where even though I'm glad he told me the truth we both know we Wont see much of each other now. I'm glad I know why there was never a Action to make things official on his end now. But it sucks to know that if he was staying things may be different and theres a chance we could have happened. Then on the other hand I guess I need something fresh and new after all those old emotions. Thanks to everyone for their help and advice. Not sure if I would try with a Scorpio again. Nothing personal or anything but the Two signs are already too much in their own right Lol.