Sag guy/my ego
This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by kafka on Saturday, April 14, 2007 and has 10 replies.
I'm a Scorp girl.
I got asked out by a Sag guy a month and a half ago...He wasnt my type, I'd just gotten out of something (ie. I was bitter) and wasn't even looking. And I said yes to giving my phone #, just cuz I could use the attention. Then he called, asked me out, all that stuff.
He's actually 6 yrs younger than me, also a reason why I didnt take him seriously. But then he surprised me with his maturity overall...I actually forgot the age difference. I started liking him, and our first kiss was amazing. He said he felt tingly inside and that he hadn't before.
Then after showering me with attention and acting like he's totally into me over the phone too, he had a talk with me saying "I actually don't want a relationship right now. My life is busy as it is. I want you to date others, and be able to pick up every now and then when I want to too"...I had first said I want us to be exclusive, even if it's casual. Then it made sense: if you're exclusive, no matter how casual, its a relationship--which we both don't want. So I accepted his terms. He also admitted that he acted more lovey-dovey than he was actually feeling. I didn't force him to. Why did he do that?
But how crazy is this? I feel like my ego's injured or something. Here's where I am:
1-I really appreciate his honesty and won't use that against him, because he's been so honest from day 1. It's refreshing.
2-I don't understand how he can be attracted to me and want to have sex with others, even though I'm ok with being casual. (Ok, ok...scorps can never be casual. Maybe he's doing me a favour) How can one be like that?
3-I want to have control!!!!!!! Yes I admit, I want to have control...and because we see each other once a week or so, if I have time, I don't say no. But then its all on his terms, which makes me insecure. I want to feel like he doesn't take me for granted!
4-Last of all, when we ARE together, we have a really great time, and sex is like 15-20% of it. He's taught me a great deal about "live and let live", freedom, giving someone space etc...But my ego's here, I want him to be crazy about me. Why does it feel like he's less into me because he doesn't want exclusivity?
Why is it? Do you guys get how I feel? Has anyone felt this way...happy and free, yet insecure (or something)? How can one share physical stuff, and appear not to care?
PS: I don't want a relationship either...but his attitude is a bit too relaxed for me. How can someone be like that?
I got asked out by a Sag guy a month and a half ago...He wasnt my type, I'd just gotten out of something (ie. I was bitter) and wasn't even looking. And I said yes to giving my phone #, just cuz I could use the attention. Then he called, asked me out, all that stuff.
He's actually 6 yrs younger than me, also a reason why I didnt take him seriously. But then he surprised me with his maturity overall...I actually forgot the age difference. I started liking him, and our first kiss was amazing. He said he felt tingly inside and that he hadn't before.
Then after showering me with attention and acting like he's totally into me over the phone too, he had a talk with me saying "I actually don't want a relationship right now. My life is busy as it is. I want you to date others, and be able to pick up every now and then when I want to too"...I had first said I want us to be exclusive, even if it's casual. Then it made sense: if you're exclusive, no matter how casual, its a relationship--which we both don't want. So I accepted his terms. He also admitted that he acted more lovey-dovey than he was actually feeling. I didn't force him to. Why did he do that?
But how crazy is this? I feel like my ego's injured or something. Here's where I am:
1-I really appreciate his honesty and won't use that against him, because he's been so honest from day 1. It's refreshing.
2-I don't understand how he can be attracted to me and want to have sex with others, even though I'm ok with being casual. (Ok, ok...scorps can never be casual. Maybe he's doing me a favour) How can one be like that?
3-I want to have control!!!!!!! Yes I admit, I want to have control...and because we see each other once a week or so, if I have time, I don't say no. But then its all on his terms, which makes me insecure. I want to feel like he doesn't take me for granted!
4-Last of all, when we ARE together, we have a really great time, and sex is like 15-20% of it. He's taught me a great deal about "live and let live", freedom, giving someone space etc...But my ego's here, I want him to be crazy about me. Why does it feel like he's less into me because he doesn't want exclusivity?
Why is it? Do you guys get how I feel? Has anyone felt this way...happy and free, yet insecure (or something)? How can one share physical stuff, and appear not to care?
PS: I don't want a relationship either...but his attitude is a bit too relaxed for me. How can someone be like that?
PPS: the sex is ok, but not mindblowing yet. I thought he'd be more of an animal in bed. He's very vanilla. Is he emasculated by my intense Scorpio sexuality? Anyone been in such a situation?
I'm a Scorp/Sag cusp and will tell you what I think and feel. I understand that you want to be in control and what you mean by that. However, Sag man has taken that from you. You first said that you wanted to be exclusive and then you said you didn't. How I interpret this, is that you really do want to be exclusive and it hurt your ego that he doesn't want the same.
It sounds to me like he wants you to be there for him when he wants you there. Until then, you are to go on with your life. Is that what you want from this relationship?
It sounds to me like he wants you to be there for him when he wants you there. Until then, you are to go on with your life. Is that what you want from this relationship?
I said I wanted to be exclusive because it felt like the thing one "should say". You know what I mean? But then when he wanted free relationship, I said "you know what, I'll try it...and I'll let you know if I don't like it".
But you raised a good point. Maybe I feel powerless because I wanted exclusivity first. He asked me that before he told me what he wanted. So then I felt cheated or something.
As for your question: I'm ok with being casual. But I guess I want to feel like he can't take me for granted. It shouldn't be so easy, like a phone call away and whenever he wants. It was supposed to empower me and make me feel good, because I can date other guys too...but lately I feel more and more vulnerable.
I want something light, to have sex, enjoy him, not get attached, and also be the cool one
But you raised a good point. Maybe I feel powerless because I wanted exclusivity first. He asked me that before he told me what he wanted. So then I felt cheated or something.
As for your question: I'm ok with being casual. But I guess I want to feel like he can't take me for granted. It shouldn't be so easy, like a phone call away and whenever he wants. It was supposed to empower me and make me feel good, because I can date other guys too...but lately I feel more and more vulnerable.
I want something light, to have sex, enjoy him, not get attached, and also be the cool one
and yes, it hurt after he being the one pursuing me, asking me out...and all that stuff. Even the way he was on the phone...when I didnt call him, saying stuff like "I would have loved to have heard from you". what the hell? It's my pride too.
But as a Scorpio, you do have very deep feelings. Very possessive feelings...NO? And the fact that he didn't want to be 'exclusive' leaves you on a roller coaster of sorts. I can't help but feel for you, yet I think the best thing you can do and I doubt you want to hear this is to look elsewhere for an 'exclusive'. Someone who does want to be with you. I know this is easier said than done once the heart is involved, but your Sag seems to 'want to be able to have his cake and eat it too'.
You deserve someone who loves you for who you are not for who they want you to be.
You deserve someone who loves you for who you are not for who they want you to be.
Candlz,
I am in no illusion here: I know he is not the person to go to for a relationship. For the exclusivity thing.
I am in a phase where I dont want something serious, actually. So maybe this is perfect. If we were casual but exclusive, I'd have expectations. This way, its so honest and clear. No BS here.
As you said the hard part is to manage my complex emotions, which run deep. I felt rejected, even though I shouldn't. I should go date multiple people, but I don't really want to. Not that I want to date him either.
I know I dont make any sense! I guess its a protest against my sign. Why do we have to feel things so deeply? FCKU! Why do Sags and others get to be cool and we have to feel deep? What I wouldnt give to be so logical and detached.
I am in no illusion here: I know he is not the person to go to for a relationship. For the exclusivity thing.
I am in a phase where I dont want something serious, actually. So maybe this is perfect. If we were casual but exclusive, I'd have expectations. This way, its so honest and clear. No BS here.
As you said the hard part is to manage my complex emotions, which run deep. I felt rejected, even though I shouldn't. I should go date multiple people, but I don't really want to. Not that I want to date him either.
I know I dont make any sense! I guess its a protest against my sign. Why do we have to feel things so deeply? FCKU! Why do Sags and others get to be cool and we have to feel deep? What I wouldnt give to be so logical and detached.
I am not trying to offend you but you need to ask yourself what it is you really want, not what he is trying to force you to accept. If you want to feel like you have control of the situation, have you ever tried setting up the dates, times, etc. etc. and is he OK with it??? If not, try it. It might be a way of testing the boundaries of this relationship and help to empower you and it may answer the questions you have been asking.
But I do know how deep the feelings go and I for one think it would be very hard to keep them under control...especially if I slept with someone.
But I do know how deep the feelings go and I for one think it would be very hard to keep them under control...especially if I slept with someone.
My Venus is in Scorp as my sun is...unfortunately!
I'm not offended...(believe me I was offended on the Sag board...they were pretty harsh there) at all actually.
I do feel like I need to do something to gain some kind of control/self-respect. Either plan the activities, say when it'll happen...stuff like that. I don't believe in manipulation in bed...thats where we should all feel free. Good idea though. I need to somehow test the boundaries.
Thanks for understanding and being helpful
Yes sleeping with someone always makes things a bit complicated.
I feel like sex is somewhere where the gender inequality comes out. If that makes sense. It's never as easy for women, even if we'd like it to be. All women who act like they can have casual sex...some apparently are ok with it. And some rare men also are more emotional. In general though, it seems like women get attached easier, they have more at stake. What do you and others think of that? As a broader topic, moving away from me.
I'm not offended...(believe me I was offended on the Sag board...they were pretty harsh there) at all actually.
I do feel like I need to do something to gain some kind of control/self-respect. Either plan the activities, say when it'll happen...stuff like that. I don't believe in manipulation in bed...thats where we should all feel free. Good idea though. I need to somehow test the boundaries.
Thanks for understanding and being helpful
Yes sleeping with someone always makes things a bit complicated. I feel like sex is somewhere where the gender inequality comes out. If that makes sense. It's never as easy for women, even if we'd like it to be. All women who act like they can have casual sex...some apparently are ok with it. And some rare men also are more emotional. In general though, it seems like women get attached easier, they have more at stake. What do you and others think of that? As a broader topic, moving away from me.
I totally agree that women do get attached easier. I think they feel if they take it to that level, they are 'into' the guy...and some guys can be attached as well. Casually both can do it for the physicality of it, but I honestly believe guys more than gals.
I maybe weird, but I couldn't do it. I know that if I went that far, I would have to care about the guy and if he didn't feel the same, I would be crushed. So it's self preservation in a sense.
I maybe weird, but I couldn't do it. I know that if I went that far, I would have to care about the guy and if he didn't feel the same, I would be crushed. So it's self preservation in a sense.
Related Topics
I'm a Scorp girl. I got asked out by a Sag guy a month and a half ago...He wasnt my type, I'd just gotten out of some
@kafka
Joined: Mar 24, 2005 · Topics: 13 · Posts: 390
Now a question for the taurus women,now i was with a taurus lady she's 18 and i'm 28 . Now she was putting me throught
@BlackKnoxx
Joined: Apr 13, 2007 · Topics: 19 · Posts: 297
Personally, I am talking about a Cancer male, but maybe some Cancer woman can answer this to. Why whenever U meet a Canc
@krobe03
Joined: Mar 11, 2007 · Topics: 6 · Posts: 2077
A white haired man walked into a jeweler's shop late one Friday, with a beautiful young lady on his side. I'm lookin
@Gaurav_Aries
Joined: Oct 23, 2006 · Topics: 146 · Posts: 6167
MissMorals ...Will U be accessing DXP from Boston ?
@Gaurav_Aries
Joined: Oct 23, 2006 · Topics: 146 · Posts: 6167
Sometimes i see signs and things happen they make me think are they trying to tell me something? its just little thi
@fishworry
Joined: Oct 28, 2006 · Topics: 38 · Posts: 149
Hey Ya'll, You know, just when I think I'm making progress in saving my money, I just end up being right where
@Dreamy-Eyez
Joined: Jul 11, 2005 · Topics: 67 · Posts: 460
Find your perfect work at home job. Get your free work at home job finder today. visit http://www.typeinternationa
@sinjan
Joined: Oct 14, 2006 · Topics: 1 · Posts: 1
This is a question for the cancer men. Has there ever been a woman that you totally connected with and knew she was the
@kateinkansascity
Joined: Mar 27, 2006 · Topics: 26 · Posts: 211
im a cancer female dating a pisces male .. How do you get a pisces out of their bad moods? Im normally more moody but in
@acp8705
Joined: May 05, 2006 · Topics: 23 · Posts: 77