brilliantgem
@brilliantgem
15 YearsGemini
Comments: 0 · Posts: 43 · Topics: 2
Scoripios, please help heal my heart break
The mother/family is basically jumping on his fears of being disowned, and not being able to be by his father's death bed and attend his funeral is the primary fear (he has a cousin that went through a similar ostracizement and didn't attend father's funeral or ever got back in 'good graces' of family). So after all the back and forth battles, his father finally made this request of him last night... to just accept the forced arrangement marriage (to someone he doesn't like much less love... but if she's rejected, will cause reprecussions in her own family, ie. unable to marry off younger sisters b/c "somethings wrong" with that family if the first one's rejected at this point... not to mention, Scorpio did already try talking the potential father in law out of the arrangement, but both times, p-FIL "suffered heart attacks" and went into hospital, all blame placed on Scorp.) Scorpio is basically surrendering now, b/c he's so fearful of not being able to 'see his father off' with last funeral rights, etc., in the future... and being caste out of his family.
I've been very supportive, compassionate, understanding throughout all of these years of drama, pain and ignorance. But right now, I am completely devastated.
Family pressures/cultural BS aside, I'm trying to make sense of this right now (to regain my sanity, heal a little) from primarily an astrological standpoint. I know how deeply he loves me, but how could love not give him the strength he needs to overcome his fears? How could pure, powerful love, not overcome the fears?
My world is devastated not only from feeling the loss of him, but also from crushing my world view. My core belief is such that love is the most powerful force in the universe... so how could fears (not even pains based in reality yet) be destroying it?
How could I have won his heart forever, but yet end up losing him?
Scorpios, please give me your feedback on this. I don't believe anything magically happens, and believe in hard work, but at the end of the day, I can't accept that love doesn't "conquer all" (with enough patience, persistence, effort, clear intentions, commitment, mutual understanding, compassion, etc etc). Please help me make some sense of this so I can regain some sanity... if nothing else, perhaps this would save someone else from heartbreak, even when they give their all to a Scorp. and captured their hearts, it can still go down in flames... uuuggggghhhhhhhh
I've been very supportive, compassionate, understanding throughout all of these years of drama, pain and ignorance. But right now, I am completely devastated.
Family pressures/cultural BS aside, I'm trying to make sense of this right now (to regain my sanity, heal a little) from primarily an astrological standpoint. I know how deeply he loves me, but how could love not give him the strength he needs to overcome his fears? How could pure, powerful love, not overcome the fears?
My world is devastated not only from feeling the loss of him, but also from crushing my world view. My core belief is such that love is the most powerful force in the universe... so how could fears (not even pains based in reality yet) be destroying it?
How could I have won his heart forever, but yet end up losing him?
Scorpios, please give me your feedback on this. I don't believe anything magically happens, and believe in hard work, but at the end of the day, I can't accept that love doesn't "conquer all" (with enough patience, persistence, effort, clear intentions, commitment, mutual understanding, compassion, etc etc). Please help me make some sense of this so I can regain some sanity... if nothing else, perhaps this would save someone else from heartbreak, even when they give their all to a Scorp. and captured their hearts, it can still go down in flames... uuuggggghhhhhhhh
Any feedback, suggestions, commments, advice from you Scorps would be much appreciated. My thoughts and emotions are intensely all over the place right now, and I just couldn't refrain from txting him a tirade of verbal diahrea... sorry couldt help myself from unleashing the pent up energy behind this devastating disappointment...
Thanks guys and yes his family dynamics super sucks
I know what you mean about "unavoidable", but thing is, wouldn't love give (esp. a Scorpio) enough courage to overcome fears? Wouldn't faith in the bond override those fears, to believe that it can win back family after a period of time? Esp. for a Scorp., wouldn't he fight for love even if the whole world is against it? How could a person, esp. a man, live with themselves if they had to sacrifice their integrity for what they know is fear and ignorance?
I know what you mean about "unavoidable", but thing is, wouldn't love give (esp. a Scorpio) enough courage to overcome fears? Wouldn't faith in the bond override those fears, to believe that it can win back family after a period of time? Esp. for a Scorp., wouldn't he fight for love even if the whole world is against it? How could a person, esp. a man, live with themselves if they had to sacrifice their integrity for what they know is fear and ignorance?
Hi gem, sorry for what Is going on with you. You are a strong person for enduring what you have.
I am very familiar with arranged marriages, as I am married in this tradition. Although girls sometimes find themselves in this situation, our men have this happen often when they come to a more westernized country. I have brothers, cousins and acquaintances too who met girls who they clicked with... Like you and your scorp.
But, and I hate telling you this because I believe your scorp may be of the same mindset... I know that these guys KNOW that what you are temporary, and in the back of their minds they have succumbed to the fact that they will eventually marry in their tradition.
He may love you, and Scorpios do love deeply, but he wont 'fight' something that deep down he already knows wasnt his is reality. He'll cherish what you two had, of course. But he won't choose tradition and family over love. Arranged culture believes love comes after marriage. His family would be completely humiliated by their son if he chose you. And he wouldn't be able to live with that.
I am very familiar with arranged marriages, as I am married in this tradition. Although girls sometimes find themselves in this situation, our men have this happen often when they come to a more westernized country. I have brothers, cousins and acquaintances too who met girls who they clicked with... Like you and your scorp.
But, and I hate telling you this because I believe your scorp may be of the same mindset... I know that these guys KNOW that what you are temporary, and in the back of their minds they have succumbed to the fact that they will eventually marry in their tradition.
He may love you, and Scorpios do love deeply, but he wont 'fight' something that deep down he already knows wasnt his is reality. He'll cherish what you two had, of course. But he won't choose tradition and family over love. Arranged culture believes love comes after marriage. His family would be completely humiliated by their son if he chose you. And he wouldn't be able to live with that.
""""""""but how could love not give him the strength he needs to overcome his fears? How could pure, powerful love, not overcome the fears? """"""""""
^^^This is your codependence speaking^^^
Life is not a movie where love conquers all. You are romanticizing a very serious and long ingrained problem that you cannot fathom because you did not grow up in his family/culture. His family is eveything to him or at least he thinks it must be. So he meets you, and falls in love and you think it will be EASY for him to just "forget" the generations of belief that he was raised with? Be logical if you can, and set your emotions aside and look at the problem from HIS perspective and not yours. Im not saying I agree with his familys ridiculously outdated belief system, Im asking you to have understanding for WHY it's hard for him. Astrology wont fix this the way you wish, he has to do so critical soul searching, and though you are very special to him, so his his family.
Let go of your expectation and pray for his ease and peace and the outcome will be what it is supposed to be. I am sorry for you, I know its painful. I hope it works out for the best.
^^^This is your codependence speaking^^^
Life is not a movie where love conquers all. You are romanticizing a very serious and long ingrained problem that you cannot fathom because you did not grow up in his family/culture. His family is eveything to him or at least he thinks it must be. So he meets you, and falls in love and you think it will be EASY for him to just "forget" the generations of belief that he was raised with? Be logical if you can, and set your emotions aside and look at the problem from HIS perspective and not yours. Im not saying I agree with his familys ridiculously outdated belief system, Im asking you to have understanding for WHY it's hard for him. Astrology wont fix this the way you wish, he has to do so critical soul searching, and though you are very special to him, so his his family.
Let go of your expectation and pray for his ease and peace and the outcome will be what it is supposed to be. I am sorry for you, I know its painful. I hope it works out for the best.
Thanks for the feedback. We both knew getting his family dynamics to change would be the biggest hurdle.. I already appreciate that he's told them about me and tried to convince them in whatever ways he's capable of.. but, it's true, in the end, results speak louder than words..
@iheart, I understand where you're coming from, and know you're giving me insight into what you may think I didn't consider (getting duped as temporary vs. 'forever'). This isn't the case... he did make a choice before where his family allowed, but it didn't work out, so his mom forced him to take her best friend's daughter, b/c he's already a divorcee that embarrassed the family... the challenges were laid up clearly open and upfront from the very beginning (and I had my own litmus tests to caution against being "just a temp. fling" for a Muslim before their arranged marriage)...
We've done a lot of self awareness work/human potential/philosophy courses together, he's made great strides in evaluating self sabatoging or imposed conditioned beliefs... that at least he had the courage to question status quo, make great efforts, find and speak his truth, his voice... I know he loves me and wants to be with me, or else he wouldn't have had the balls to even tell his family about me and argue with them... unfortunately, it's got silenced when push coming to shove, faced with the fears of his family's conditional love, and the risk of losing his dad and family...
@BGP, I know it sounds quite naive, the notion of "love conquers all"... but in my heart, I believe unconditional love is the most powerful force in the universe -- synonomous with God. This is devastating my world view -- if "my God" (unconditional love, truth, oneness) is powerless in face of ego, fear... I don't know what to think or feel then... it's just unacceptable to my core beliefs. I do know, if it's meant to be, it'll be, and if it's not, there's nothing I'd be able to do in either case... At this point, I'm trying to figure out what my spiritual lesson in all this is right now...
@iheart, I understand where you're coming from, and know you're giving me insight into what you may think I didn't consider (getting duped as temporary vs. 'forever'). This isn't the case... he did make a choice before where his family allowed, but it didn't work out, so his mom forced him to take her best friend's daughter, b/c he's already a divorcee that embarrassed the family... the challenges were laid up clearly open and upfront from the very beginning (and I had my own litmus tests to caution against being "just a temp. fling" for a Muslim before their arranged marriage)...
We've done a lot of self awareness work/human potential/philosophy courses together, he's made great strides in evaluating self sabatoging or imposed conditioned beliefs... that at least he had the courage to question status quo, make great efforts, find and speak his truth, his voice... I know he loves me and wants to be with me, or else he wouldn't have had the balls to even tell his family about me and argue with them... unfortunately, it's got silenced when push coming to shove, faced with the fears of his family's conditional love, and the risk of losing his dad and family...
@BGP, I know it sounds quite naive, the notion of "love conquers all"... but in my heart, I believe unconditional love is the most powerful force in the universe -- synonomous with God. This is devastating my world view -- if "my God" (unconditional love, truth, oneness) is powerless in face of ego, fear... I don't know what to think or feel then... it's just unacceptable to my core beliefs. I do know, if it's meant to be, it'll be, and if it's not, there's nothing I'd be able to do in either case... At this point, I'm trying to figure out what my spiritual lesson in all this is right now...
Brilliantgem i admit love give courage and every thing,but what we feel for our parents and family is also called love.try to see it from his perspective, Pakistani men have this strange sense of obligation towards their parents. they consider everything they achieve in life is because of the love, effort and prayers their parents have put into their entities. for them offending their parent is like invoking wrath of God.i know it is hard to digest but this is the way most Pakistani/afghans men are hard-wired.parents,sisters,brothers,extended family,friends and then the woman in their life,be it a love match or a forced one.they are programmed to set aside everything for their parent, at least most of them.this is the way they are.
let him go,let your heart be free of the rage which is mounting within.
let him go,let your heart be free of the rage which is mounting within.
i was cast out of my family when i married a christian. consequently, my parents do not know my children. who lost? not me 🙂
personally, i would choose love over family every single time.
although to be fair, i kinda did it to spite them and didn't have the love relationship you describe.
trouble is, your family are there til the end of your life, guaranteed. you have to know exactly what you're doing before jeopardising your future with your family...you only get one after all and it's hard knowing that no matter how crap your life gets, they will NEVER be there for you. it hurts me still even though i chose to do what i did.
i can understand both sides of this problem but unfortunately, i can't provide any solution. whatever route is taken is going to cause pain. i'm sorry 😢
personally, i would choose love over family every single time.
although to be fair, i kinda did it to spite them and didn't have the love relationship you describe.
trouble is, your family are there til the end of your life, guaranteed. you have to know exactly what you're doing before jeopardising your future with your family...you only get one after all and it's hard knowing that no matter how crap your life gets, they will NEVER be there for you. it hurts me still even though i chose to do what i did.
i can understand both sides of this problem but unfortunately, i can't provide any solution. whatever route is taken is going to cause pain. i'm sorry 😢
shit. that sounded really pessimistic. remember that out of pain, greay joy comes....that ok?
If you love him, really, truly love him ... then you wouldn't allow him to be in a situation where he has to choose between you and his mother.
If you love him, really, truly love him ..... you'd gracefully bow out, and hope he finds some happiness in his future without you.
If you love him, really, truly love him ..... you'd gracefully bow out, and hope he finds some happiness in his future without you.
Posted by iheartnerdyboyz
Hi gem, sorry for what Is going on with you. You are a strong person for enduring what you have.
I am very familiar with arranged marriages, as I am married in this tradition. Although girls sometimes find themselves in this situation, our men have this happen often when they come to a more westernized country. I have brothers, cousins and acquaintances too who met girls who they clicked with... Like you and your scorp.
But, and I hate telling you this because I believe your scorp may be of the same mindset... I know that these guys KNOW that what you are temporary, and in the back of their minds they have succumbed to the fact that they will eventually marry in their tradition.
He may love you, and Scorpios do love deeply, but he wont 'fight' something that deep down he already knows wasnt his is reality. He'll cherish what you two had, of course. But he won't choose tradition and family over love. Arranged culture believes love comes after marriage. His family would be completely humiliated by their son if he chose you. And he wouldn't be able to live with that.
That.
Really.
Sux.
Thank you guys so much for the comments.
I am stepping away, bowing out gracefully, and letting him go with love. I never intended for him to feel more pain from esp. from our relationship, that's been the opposite of my intentions. I know it's his battles to fight with his family, and I'm not one advocate breaking up families... and it pains me to see that b/c of us, it's causing him more pain b/c of these battles. The difference is, I have faith in our love, that it'll turn them around in time... but his faith is in how cruel they'll remain. Why did I want him to stand up for us in first plave? Ultimately, not only for my own happiness, but for his and his family's too. We're both in our 30's.. they have worked him like a field ox for decades, literally killing himself to feed egotistical / materialistic demands, appreciating nothing, while demanding more and more and more. He sleeps for 45 mins, wakes for 20, sleeps for another 40 mins, repeat.. for less than 3 hours a night in that pattern. In bouts of sleep, every other week has nightmares of vicious dogs attacking him ripping him apart and eating him alive in the yard while his family is unaware / doesn't care in the house -- doesn't respond to his cries of pain. (you sensible folk could already imagine what this means.) He has debilitating migraines on avg. 3 times a week and vomits from the pain. He works so hard he collapses in front of the computer every other night... so he can send money home and make his family "look good" (bigger house, bigger cars, land that's just sitting there, fancier clothes, unnecessary appliances, etc, so they could show off to neighbors / relatives / friends). When we first met, he was already contemplating suicide and visualizing it. On top of this, now with this forced arranged marriage, they're going to force him to be a dog, choosing who he is 'allowed' to sleep with and make babies with. The fact that he doesn't find her attractive, has no chemistry with her, has no desires to be with her and shivers with disgust even looking at her... doesn't come into his mom's / family's consideration. What matters to them is she is obedient and from the same caste. IMO, they are emotional vampires sucking the very life out of him through fear, obligation, guilt, shaming, and I would wish he would be that strong and make a stand to be the difference, to change the social quo and paradigm of misery. He is the strongest and most schooled one of his immediate family. If not hi
I am stepping away, bowing out gracefully, and letting him go with love. I never intended for him to feel more pain from esp. from our relationship, that's been the opposite of my intentions. I know it's his battles to fight with his family, and I'm not one advocate breaking up families... and it pains me to see that b/c of us, it's causing him more pain b/c of these battles. The difference is, I have faith in our love, that it'll turn them around in time... but his faith is in how cruel they'll remain. Why did I want him to stand up for us in first plave? Ultimately, not only for my own happiness, but for his and his family's too. We're both in our 30's.. they have worked him like a field ox for decades, literally killing himself to feed egotistical / materialistic demands, appreciating nothing, while demanding more and more and more. He sleeps for 45 mins, wakes for 20, sleeps for another 40 mins, repeat.. for less than 3 hours a night in that pattern. In bouts of sleep, every other week has nightmares of vicious dogs attacking him ripping him apart and eating him alive in the yard while his family is unaware / doesn't care in the house -- doesn't respond to his cries of pain. (you sensible folk could already imagine what this means.) He has debilitating migraines on avg. 3 times a week and vomits from the pain. He works so hard he collapses in front of the computer every other night... so he can send money home and make his family "look good" (bigger house, bigger cars, land that's just sitting there, fancier clothes, unnecessary appliances, etc, so they could show off to neighbors / relatives / friends). When we first met, he was already contemplating suicide and visualizing it. On top of this, now with this forced arranged marriage, they're going to force him to be a dog, choosing who he is 'allowed' to sleep with and make babies with. The fact that he doesn't find her attractive, has no chemistry with her, has no desires to be with her and shivers with disgust even looking at her... doesn't come into his mom's / family's consideration. What matters to them is she is obedient and from the same caste. IMO, they are emotional vampires sucking the very life out of him through fear, obligation, guilt, shaming, and I would wish he would be that strong and make a stand to be the difference, to change the social quo and paradigm of misery. He is the strongest and most schooled one of his immediate family. If not hi
then who? He already doesn't agree with things like how his 5 year old nephew and 4 yr old niece (whom in terms of blood relations are closer than 1st cousins) are betrothed/engaged to one another already. Not only b/c of scientific / abnormal future gene pool reasons/genetic disorders, but b/c they are only kids and should have a voice in their own future. He has an authentic inner voice within, but it's getting stifled by fears of disownment. To me, it's like his family's being like Hitler; their version of unity is "you're either with us in the 3rd Reich... or you're gonna be thrown in the gas ovens". And I'm being like the US; 'nah this ain't right, let's get in there and stop this BS... and eventually make some super progressive technology that'll benefit the world'. So it's not all about me being selfish wanting to secure my love bond with him... it's also beyond that, for him, his family, community, world at large... at heart I'm also a progressive/agent of change...
Thank you guys for sharing your stories and listening to mine, this is very soothing and supportive of healing, if nothing else, to be able to vent and commiserate/contemplate.
Although I did give myself the luxury of lashing out at him yesterday (usuallyy I try not to judge, criticize, blame, or attack... but boy did that feel good yesterday! 😛)... I will try to let him go with peace and love. "Try" b/c it's nuts right now... he wants me to understand how difficult it is for him right now and how much pain he's in to be given these ultimatums... and wants me to be supportive of him through this time... but how the hell can I be supportive and loving and be there for you dude while you're breaking up with me— This is crazy making thank goodness there is this forum...
Thank you guys for sharing your stories and listening to mine, this is very soothing and supportive of healing, if nothing else, to be able to vent and commiserate/contemplate.
Although I did give myself the luxury of lashing out at him yesterday (usuallyy I try not to judge, criticize, blame, or attack... but boy did that feel good yesterday! 😛)... I will try to let him go with peace and love. "Try" b/c it's nuts right now... he wants me to understand how difficult it is for him right now and how much pain he's in to be given these ultimatums... and wants me to be supportive of him through this time... but how the hell can I be supportive and loving and be there for you dude while you're breaking up with me— This is crazy making thank goodness there is this forum...
@Shah, just b/c that's "the way things are" doesn't mean it's right. Especially if it means misery for the human condition.
Stinger, LIB, that is what I believe too about love. Stinger, you are a courageous, powerful and loving man.
Stinger, LIB, that is what I believe too about love. Stinger, you are a courageous, powerful and loving man.
Ever, I say it's extreme ignorance, ego, fear, and scarcity..
sorry for the short posts, gotta get to work...
sorry for the short posts, gotta get to work...
Rigor, P-Angel, everyone... I truly thank you all for taking the time to read my story, sharing your own stories and providing different perspectives and supportive feedback.
It's also comforting to know there are people who stand for their own beliefs, including love, regardless of how much hardship and challenges faced. That's true authenticity and integrity to me; being true to oneself... instead of squashing the inner voice, and subcumbing / conforming to fears...
As much pain and disappointment as I feel at the moment, I hope to continue conversations on this forum... to give me strength to regain sanity, heal, resist from responding to his attempts for communication. This is so difficult... I don't want to be unloving towards him just b/c things didn't go as I wanted for us (that, would be conditional love/give to get)... I know he is in deep pain too... but I need to stick my finger in my bleeding heart to stop the hemoraging instead of reaching out to cradle his... I'm naturally an optimist and idealist... but this lose/lose situation is f**king painful and depressing...
It's also comforting to know there are people who stand for their own beliefs, including love, regardless of how much hardship and challenges faced. That's true authenticity and integrity to me; being true to oneself... instead of squashing the inner voice, and subcumbing / conforming to fears...
As much pain and disappointment as I feel at the moment, I hope to continue conversations on this forum... to give me strength to regain sanity, heal, resist from responding to his attempts for communication. This is so difficult... I don't want to be unloving towards him just b/c things didn't go as I wanted for us (that, would be conditional love/give to get)... I know he is in deep pain too... but I need to stick my finger in my bleeding heart to stop the hemoraging instead of reaching out to cradle his... I'm naturally an optimist and idealist... but this lose/lose situation is f**king painful and depressing...
If you let go, you might have a chance. If you insist on hanging on this notion of love stubbornly then you will have nothing. Isn't this a good opportunity to see if he is truly the one for you as well? Forget all that romantic notions and concepts, life is harsh but true and beautiful in its own way and if you do believe in God like you claim, let him guide you and show you how things really are.
One more thing, Scorpio's spirit of sacrifice will only 'activate' to the maximum when there is a worthy cause. Are you a worthy cause or a resistance just like his family? Two pulling opposite forces don't exactly make him feel that motivated.
One more thing, Scorpio's spirit of sacrifice will only 'activate' to the maximum when there is a worthy cause. Are you a worthy cause or a resistance just like his family? Two pulling opposite forces don't exactly make him feel that motivated.
Thank you guys.
Stinger-- SORRY! I ain't so brilliant w/a bleedin' heart 😛
Exam-- you're absolutely correct, and there's a saying in Chinese translated as "Forcing leads to No Happiness". I also understand that the best decisions come from a place of centeredness, with an ability to say yes OR no, that gives dignity to having an actual choice.
I have let him go, b/c I don't want to treat him the same way as how his family treats him (pressuring, demanding, guilt-tripping, shaming etc.)... I told him, 'do right by your family, please don't contact me... even wounds need time to scab over, scar before it heals... maybe in time we'll be able to meet as friends again, but I can't be in contact with him now in order to heal and move on' (and support him through his breaking up with me WTF)... unfortunately, he's been texting me non-stop, and as difficult as it is for me to ignore, I am doing just that, to ultimately make it easier for both of us (and respect his decision as well as keep my dignity intact). Although, he's being passive-aggressive right now trying to elicit a response/sympathy, by saying "oh you're just like them, you turn your back on me once I don't do what you want"... "you're just going to cut me off b/c I don't meet you conditions"... "love never dies, I will always love you till I die, even if we can't be lovers and life partners, you are still my best friend, my only real friend that I've ever truly had, the best person I've ever met, but now you're being like everyone else always leaving me"... OMG can a Scorpio help me out here??
Stinger-- SORRY! I ain't so brilliant w/a bleedin' heart 😛
Exam-- you're absolutely correct, and there's a saying in Chinese translated as "Forcing leads to No Happiness". I also understand that the best decisions come from a place of centeredness, with an ability to say yes OR no, that gives dignity to having an actual choice.
I have let him go, b/c I don't want to treat him the same way as how his family treats him (pressuring, demanding, guilt-tripping, shaming etc.)... I told him, 'do right by your family, please don't contact me... even wounds need time to scab over, scar before it heals... maybe in time we'll be able to meet as friends again, but I can't be in contact with him now in order to heal and move on' (and support him through his breaking up with me WTF)... unfortunately, he's been texting me non-stop, and as difficult as it is for me to ignore, I am doing just that, to ultimately make it easier for both of us (and respect his decision as well as keep my dignity intact). Although, he's being passive-aggressive right now trying to elicit a response/sympathy, by saying "oh you're just like them, you turn your back on me once I don't do what you want"... "you're just going to cut me off b/c I don't meet you conditions"... "love never dies, I will always love you till I die, even if we can't be lovers and life partners, you are still my best friend, my only real friend that I've ever truly had, the best person I've ever met, but now you're being like everyone else always leaving me"... OMG can a Scorpio help me out here??
Thank you guys.
Stinger-- SORRY! I ain't so brilliant w/a bleedin' heart 😛
Exam-- you're absolutely correct, and there's a saying in Chinese translated as "Forcing leads to No Happiness". I also understand that the best decisions come from a place of centeredness, with an ability to say yes OR no, that gives dignity to having an actual choice.
I have let him go, b/c I don't want to treat him the same way as how his family treats him (pressuring, demanding, guilt-tripping, shaming etc.)... I told him, 'do right by your family, please don't contact me... even wounds need time to scab over, scar before it heals... maybe in time we'll be able to meet as friends again, but I can't be in contact with him now in order to heal and move on' (and support him through his breaking up with me WTF)... unfortunately, he's been texting me non-stop, and as difficult as it is for me to ignore, I am doing just that, to ultimately make it easier for both of us (and respect his decision as well as keep my dignity intact). Although, he's being passive-aggressive right now trying to elicit a response/sympathy, by saying "oh you're just like them, you turn your back on me once I don't do what you want"... "you're just going to cut me off b/c I don't meet you conditions"... "love never dies, I will always love you till I die, even if we can't be lovers and life partners, you are still my best friend, my only real friend that I've ever truly had, the best person I've ever met, but now you're being like everyone else always leaving me"... OMG can a Scorpio help me out here??
Stinger-- SORRY! I ain't so brilliant w/a bleedin' heart 😛
Exam-- you're absolutely correct, and there's a saying in Chinese translated as "Forcing leads to No Happiness". I also understand that the best decisions come from a place of centeredness, with an ability to say yes OR no, that gives dignity to having an actual choice.
I have let him go, b/c I don't want to treat him the same way as how his family treats him (pressuring, demanding, guilt-tripping, shaming etc.)... I told him, 'do right by your family, please don't contact me... even wounds need time to scab over, scar before it heals... maybe in time we'll be able to meet as friends again, but I can't be in contact with him now in order to heal and move on' (and support him through his breaking up with me WTF)... unfortunately, he's been texting me non-stop, and as difficult as it is for me to ignore, I am doing just that, to ultimately make it easier for both of us (and respect his decision as well as keep my dignity intact). Although, he's being passive-aggressive right now trying to elicit a response/sympathy, by saying "oh you're just like them, you turn your back on me once I don't do what you want"... "you're just going to cut me off b/c I don't meet you conditions"... "love never dies, I will always love you till I die, even if we can't be lovers and life partners, you are still my best friend, my only real friend that I've ever truly had, the best person I've ever met, but now you're being like everyone else always leaving me"... OMG can a Scorpio help me out here??
I feel like these of his reactions speak more from him being a Scorpio than from cultural influence. These twisting half-ass backward ways drives me crazy (sorry no offense Scorps... the Scorpio twisted logic exasperates me though I find it fascinating and endearing in a OMG WTF GAAAHHHH "am I the one f**king crazy?!?!" way...)
Stinger, Rising, thank you for being so compassionate, sympathetic, supportive, understanding and loving -- receiving your energies and kind words of encouragement and advice feels really healing for me.
@Stinger-- it's difficult for me to 'not be there' for him... my cancer moon loves to nurture, and I've been there for him all this time, being all in, supportive in any way that's wanted and needed (from practical-- dragging his kicking and screaming ass to the doctor's, helping to strategize business plans, establishing exercise and recreational routines, defining and practicing what healthy boundaries mean(!!!)-- to theological/existential -- emphasising the importance of what's priceless -- health/wellbeing, energy, time, peace of mind... and everything in between, and the lists go on and on... all in efforts to support removing the sources of unreasonable stresses, pain, and suffering in his life (over work, poor nutrition / diet/exercise/life style ). During my txt tirade, I did express everything in my heart, being very clear what my thoughts and feelings are, and where I stand. He knows how much I love him, how deep it hurts to lose him, our connection, and while I love him and want him to be happy, I'm so disappointed and angry (that he's losing faith, giving up finding a win-win possibility, throwing US away so quickly) and will respect his decision (to surrender); perhaps we'll meet again as friends some day, but I am in too much pain to be there for him now while my heart's bleeding out like this, and will need time to heal and move on. All his replies were to the effect of feeling defeated, how hard he's been trying to fight for us, but he's so scared to lose his dad / never see him again now, and ended with "I am sorry (name)". Then, 12 or so hours later, he's txting me to request going to lunch together. My Scorpio female friend, privy to even more details of this sorid story, told me to ignore him, b/c he's being inconsiderate of my needs (to heal) right now, and being selfish to still want my shoulder to cry on after he just stabbed me in the heart. So I ignored him... but he knows where I stand. I'm also sick too, coughing, sneezing, stuffy nose... so I'm in absolutely no frame of mind to "be there/anywhere" except nurturing myself back (emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually) at this moment.
@Rising... tears come out from reading your message. I so believe the 'what you resist, persists' concept. You're right, being contr
@Stinger-- it's difficult for me to 'not be there' for him... my cancer moon loves to nurture, and I've been there for him all this time, being all in, supportive in any way that's wanted and needed (from practical-- dragging his kicking and screaming ass to the doctor's, helping to strategize business plans, establishing exercise and recreational routines, defining and practicing what healthy boundaries mean(!!!)-- to theological/existential -- emphasising the importance of what's priceless -- health/wellbeing, energy, time, peace of mind... and everything in between, and the lists go on and on... all in efforts to support removing the sources of unreasonable stresses, pain, and suffering in his life (over work, poor nutrition / diet/exercise/life style ). During my txt tirade, I did express everything in my heart, being very clear what my thoughts and feelings are, and where I stand. He knows how much I love him, how deep it hurts to lose him, our connection, and while I love him and want him to be happy, I'm so disappointed and angry (that he's losing faith, giving up finding a win-win possibility, throwing US away so quickly) and will respect his decision (to surrender); perhaps we'll meet again as friends some day, but I am in too much pain to be there for him now while my heart's bleeding out like this, and will need time to heal and move on. All his replies were to the effect of feeling defeated, how hard he's been trying to fight for us, but he's so scared to lose his dad / never see him again now, and ended with "I am sorry (name)". Then, 12 or so hours later, he's txting me to request going to lunch together. My Scorpio female friend, privy to even more details of this sorid story, told me to ignore him, b/c he's being inconsiderate of my needs (to heal) right now, and being selfish to still want my shoulder to cry on after he just stabbed me in the heart. So I ignored him... but he knows where I stand. I'm also sick too, coughing, sneezing, stuffy nose... so I'm in absolutely no frame of mind to "be there/anywhere" except nurturing myself back (emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually) at this moment.
@Rising... tears come out from reading your message. I so believe the 'what you resist, persists' concept. You're right, being contr
manipulated by parents, a mommy / daddy's boy, would not make a supportive husband. I know it's a huge shift that'd be required in family dynamics if I were to be able to coexist harmoniously (what Shah points out -the wife being the dead last place in order of social hierachy/considerations in that arranged set up- would not sit with me. I may be nurturing, respectful of elders, but I desire a real partnership side by side, not servitude, behind with mouth and mind shut...). All these sentiments of mine, he knows (and one of his favorite pasttimes is discussing and dissecting human behavior and psychology with me... along with religion... b/c he's discouraged to even bring up theological discussions with family b/c they automatically say IT'S BLASPHEMY! We really understand our true sentiments in this regard, in terms of what we believe, how to kids should be raised, what's wrong with people, society, which politician should be shot first etc 😛). I feel, the crux of the issue, his issue, is that his "core conversation" with himself, is that he doesn't deserve, he's not worthy, he's not enough... that he doesn't matter. To me, this is THE underlying core problem, to why his life is so painful, why he's unwell. Not feeling worthy, not believing that he matters = working harder to have more, to show that you're more, you're "something"... b/c without the Things, the belief / feeling becomes "I'm nothing". Thus, working without lunch, working without sleep, working until migraines forces him to stop... working working working... for things. For reasons that are highly unreasonable, for a cost too great to self (and I do constantly nag about). The guilt trip that he owes his parents (but c'mon, even he knows that even God doesn't demand or force anyone to do anything or make us obligated... we are even given free will to choose whether or not to have faith... but I digress), the constant message deeply ingrained by family that he is not enough, he is never good enough (and I thought Chinese parents were harsh)... The "I don't matter" belief ingrained in him, I feel, is why our relationship's even challenged by these fear-based ridiculous circumstances.
It's so helpful to hear your takes on the matter, and receive such encouragement too. This is so helpful to helping me cope through these challenging and painful feelings and thoughts I'm experiencing.
He's texting me now again, 'you are not gonna even reply?' 'please reply' 'please'.. :confused:
It's so helpful to hear your takes on the matter, and receive such encouragement too. This is so helpful to helping me cope through these challenging and painful feelings and thoughts I'm experiencing.
He's texting me now again, 'you are not gonna even reply?' 'please reply' 'please'.. :confused:
If you love him, really, truly love him ..... you'd gracefully bow out, and hope he finds some happiness in his future without you.
I must agree with P-angel
I must agree with P-angel
I have let him go, b/c I don't want to treat him the same way as how his family treats him (pressuring, demanding, guilt-tripping, shaming etc.)
I did not realise this was going on with you, I am sooo sorry this is happening and really want you to know that I will be there for you no matter what decision you decide. I have been through the family disowning me and its a hard thing to go thru and I cant imagine how hard it would be for you to be on the receiving end of this especially having a person from a cultural background of this tradition, its not easy at all and I hope you have the strength to do whats right for yourself and the families involved.
I wanted you to know that.
I did not realise this was going on with you, I am sooo sorry this is happening and really want you to know that I will be there for you no matter what decision you decide. I have been through the family disowning me and its a hard thing to go thru and I cant imagine how hard it would be for you to be on the receiving end of this especially having a person from a cultural background of this tradition, its not easy at all and I hope you have the strength to do whats right for yourself and the families involved.
I wanted you to know that.
Thank you all for your feedback and support.
I'm staying strong and not responding to any of his attempts to contact me... even though it's taking quite a lot of deep breathing, grounding myself, and discipline to do so. (His txts range from pleading, to passive-aggressive, to despair, to anger, to silence... silence... silence... then cycle repeats)
Ever, it may appear that way, but I truly feel and believe (at the risk of sounding like a foolish weak and pathetic bleeding heart trying to defend a douchebag in distress), his pains in life (not only from this dilemma w/family and dissolution of relationship) are far, far beyond comparison to the stresses in mine. I expressed earlier before why I believe it's so, what I feel are root causes, reasons, effects, etc. but I won't repeat again and bore y'all. But in regards to this "one-on-one" comparison between him and I in this relationship (w/o taking family pressures, other influences... just straight up what we both contributed to relationship)... definitely I do feel like the one who's been most supportive of him, more there, if you will... maybe it's a bit of arrogant to say, but I felt like I was/am in a stronger/healthier place compared to him, life circumstances and all... so I felt I had 'more to give' and be supportive, understanding, compassionate, etc., and be there by his side, side by side, to effect great conscious improvements to his life... when we first started, he was in a "what will be the easiest way to kill myself without traumatizing my nephews" state and I was in a "what a beautiful sun shiny day! life is wonderful!" always smiling state... it was my perma-grin that caught his attention in the first place to then become a secret admirer for 2 years before he even finally actively sought a real connection with me...
Outside of feeling this current pain of loss/disappointment/heartbreak, not talking about ego bruised/feeling shafted or whatnot... it's difficult for me to resolve the confusion within me, b/c there are so many things illogical to me on different levels therefore making it hard to accept...
1) How does good not triumph over evil?
2) How does truth not win out over ignorance?
3) How does love fail in face of fears?
4) How the hell did I become his greatest love but then be stung to death?
Hope I'm not sounding arrogant and turning people off, I'm only expressing whatever unadulterated thoughts and feelings I'm experiencing at the moment while processing o
I'm staying strong and not responding to any of his attempts to contact me... even though it's taking quite a lot of deep breathing, grounding myself, and discipline to do so. (His txts range from pleading, to passive-aggressive, to despair, to anger, to silence... silence... silence... then cycle repeats)
Ever, it may appear that way, but I truly feel and believe (at the risk of sounding like a foolish weak and pathetic bleeding heart trying to defend a douchebag in distress), his pains in life (not only from this dilemma w/family and dissolution of relationship) are far, far beyond comparison to the stresses in mine. I expressed earlier before why I believe it's so, what I feel are root causes, reasons, effects, etc. but I won't repeat again and bore y'all. But in regards to this "one-on-one" comparison between him and I in this relationship (w/o taking family pressures, other influences... just straight up what we both contributed to relationship)... definitely I do feel like the one who's been most supportive of him, more there, if you will... maybe it's a bit of arrogant to say, but I felt like I was/am in a stronger/healthier place compared to him, life circumstances and all... so I felt I had 'more to give' and be supportive, understanding, compassionate, etc., and be there by his side, side by side, to effect great conscious improvements to his life... when we first started, he was in a "what will be the easiest way to kill myself without traumatizing my nephews" state and I was in a "what a beautiful sun shiny day! life is wonderful!" always smiling state... it was my perma-grin that caught his attention in the first place to then become a secret admirer for 2 years before he even finally actively sought a real connection with me...
Outside of feeling this current pain of loss/disappointment/heartbreak, not talking about ego bruised/feeling shafted or whatnot... it's difficult for me to resolve the confusion within me, b/c there are so many things illogical to me on different levels therefore making it hard to accept...
1) How does good not triumph over evil?
2) How does truth not win out over ignorance?
3) How does love fail in face of fears?
4) How the hell did I become his greatest love but then be stung to death?
Hope I'm not sounding arrogant and turning people off, I'm only expressing whatever unadulterated thoughts and feelings I'm experiencing at the moment while processing o
processing out whatever's being processed out...
were it a mature 'i love who i wish' type of man, then you wouldnt have to ask that question. but since you had a man that could not stand on his own affirmations, there's your reason why. he is wishy washy. and i think all he wants is someone to hold his hand and sympathize. he's a grown damn man that needs to grow the hell up. my parents know around the age of 5 that they couldnt just tell me what to do. at least not without good reason. so i'll be damned if im gonna be told who to spend my life with.
nothing is wrong with you nor what you stated about good trumping evil. good will trump it when you find that good man that knows what he wants. im sorry you got stuck with a weaker version of our male sign. we have our good and bad. next time, be aware that all that drama is nothing but baggage that will be carried over to you if you choose to accept that person into your life. that guy was all red flags. why the hell would you pursue a girl anyway if you KNEW your parents were going to arrange a marriage for you. i feel he unecessarily dragged you into the bllsht. leave this jerk alone and rid yourself of the emotional debris he brought into your life. you need another 'life is beautiful!' type of person.
nothing is wrong with you nor what you stated about good trumping evil. good will trump it when you find that good man that knows what he wants. im sorry you got stuck with a weaker version of our male sign. we have our good and bad. next time, be aware that all that drama is nothing but baggage that will be carried over to you if you choose to accept that person into your life. that guy was all red flags. why the hell would you pursue a girl anyway if you KNEW your parents were going to arrange a marriage for you. i feel he unecessarily dragged you into the bllsht. leave this jerk alone and rid yourself of the emotional debris he brought into your life. you need another 'life is beautiful!' type of person.
Thank you ScorpHubby. I love experiencing truth and reason.
You're on point about ultimately the reason is him not being able to stand on his own affirmations. I had hoped that with his experiencing himself as a worthy human being (not b/c what mommy and daddy and religion says, but based on the sole fact of having dignity as a human being with worth, with a fully integrated authentic core truth and conviction in self... sorry for the mouthful, but there are experiential workshops that elicits "getting" this experience), he'd "grow up" to that level of maturity. He was open and willing, and did "grow" a lot in these years -- though I saw the red flags of external circumstances, it's not so much I ignored them, but seeing that the internals... he was putting great effort to growing and changing for his own betterment and for our future (ie. efforts to "bypass/shift/change" family expectations and considerations for me/us).. I thought it'd help him to stand on his own two feet, regardless of how nasty the shit hits the fan when his family throws it up in chunks. (sorry for the graphics!!!)
Definitely life is too short and beautiful to waste time on unnecessary BS and being misery. But the thing is, if a person is worthy of my undivided love/affection/commitment/energies.. or a cause, for that matter.. I would not mind the emotional baggage, so long as I could help wash it, clean it, neaten it up, pack it away together and make it into useful resources. If I'm able to effect positive change, that eventually results in progress for the greater good, hardships/difficulties/challenges wouldn't deter me from lifting and sorting that drama and baggage. For what it's worth, though through my story he's presented more or less of a "sorry bastid"... there are a lot of qualities, character traits, strengths about him that I admire the sh*t out of, out of anyone I've ever known.
We were scheduled to take a philosophy class today (course on Happiness)... long story short, I cut out so I didn't need to see him, he txt and call bombed me and finally triggered me to respond (by saying something like "you're being so immature" 😛), and I just gave him a spewing hefty piece of my mind. Basically letting him know how disappointed and disgusted I am at what's being passed as "truth"... and letting him know if he doesn't understand the fundamental belief of self worth / dignity = honoring God's priceless gifts... then continue doing what he's doing and continue gettin
You're on point about ultimately the reason is him not being able to stand on his own affirmations. I had hoped that with his experiencing himself as a worthy human being (not b/c what mommy and daddy and religion says, but based on the sole fact of having dignity as a human being with worth, with a fully integrated authentic core truth and conviction in self... sorry for the mouthful, but there are experiential workshops that elicits "getting" this experience), he'd "grow up" to that level of maturity. He was open and willing, and did "grow" a lot in these years -- though I saw the red flags of external circumstances, it's not so much I ignored them, but seeing that the internals... he was putting great effort to growing and changing for his own betterment and for our future (ie. efforts to "bypass/shift/change" family expectations and considerations for me/us).. I thought it'd help him to stand on his own two feet, regardless of how nasty the shit hits the fan when his family throws it up in chunks. (sorry for the graphics!!!)
Definitely life is too short and beautiful to waste time on unnecessary BS and being misery. But the thing is, if a person is worthy of my undivided love/affection/commitment/energies.. or a cause, for that matter.. I would not mind the emotional baggage, so long as I could help wash it, clean it, neaten it up, pack it away together and make it into useful resources. If I'm able to effect positive change, that eventually results in progress for the greater good, hardships/difficulties/challenges wouldn't deter me from lifting and sorting that drama and baggage. For what it's worth, though through my story he's presented more or less of a "sorry bastid"... there are a lot of qualities, character traits, strengths about him that I admire the sh*t out of, out of anyone I've ever known.
We were scheduled to take a philosophy class today (course on Happiness)... long story short, I cut out so I didn't need to see him, he txt and call bombed me and finally triggered me to respond (by saying something like "you're being so immature" 😛), and I just gave him a spewing hefty piece of my mind. Basically letting him know how disappointed and disgusted I am at what's being passed as "truth"... and letting him know if he doesn't understand the fundamental belief of self worth / dignity = honoring God's priceless gifts... then continue doing what he's doing and continue gettin
what he's been getting... but don't expect to attain happiness. It's not God's fault, nor fate's fault, if you choose to believe in your own worthlessness and live from that context.
Thanks Sunrays, and everyone else, for being open, loving and authentic, and allowing me to use this forum as a sounding board. It is truly helping me clarify a lot of the confusing and painful shit inside. Even getting to the point of formulating those questions, it sorts out a lot of the complex thoughts and emotions, and let's me at least know what it is I'm having difficulty making sense of. Even if I don't know the answers, I can at least now accept that those are the questions I'm having difficulty resolving... and accept that I don't understand the answers for.
For the record, he was a divorcee already when we first met. His family wanted him to get remarried asap, but he didn't think they'd be focusing back on him yet, b/c he thought they'd be too busy focusing on his 2 younger brothers first(which thye were). But instead, we started dating... and I believe his older brother figured out he's too happy "something must be wrong" (ie. he's "off the right track now fooling around with a doozy!" and they (the "decision makers in that extended family system; eldest brother and mother) went behind his back and secured a proposal on his behalf, suddenly presenting it to him "without a choice". (scenario being mother with history of heart attacks, presenting this "arrangement" with her best friend's daughter... in face of a "no" response,getting slapped, then clutching her heart crying and breathing in convulsions on the floor with extended family members giving evil eyes). After that episode, getting away from the scene (out of the country, away from parents home, remaining in US), and it's been an uphill battle since, resisting, not returning back to visit, while pleading, cajoling every person one-on-one (including the to-be-wife who's like I don't have a choice either, and potential FIL, who both conversations to dissolve arrangement led to hospital visits with his own heart attacks... with potential bro-in-law actually txting a photo of him in ICU to shame him)... until this latest episode where I started my post with.
It's fucking crazy. Like, the entire shit is so fucking wrong, I can't believe how horribly twisted and brutally shameful it is for an entire culture to turn it around and say this is what God wants... like, really?!?!?!?! God doesn't want parents to give a rat's ass about their kids' happiness? Wants to kill their hearts and souls and just make money? Don't want people to value themselves and have dignity and self respect? WTF!!
For the record, he was a divorcee already when we first met. His family wanted him to get remarried asap, but he didn't think they'd be focusing back on him yet, b/c he thought they'd be too busy focusing on his 2 younger brothers first(which thye were). But instead, we started dating... and I believe his older brother figured out he's too happy "something must be wrong" (ie. he's "off the right track now fooling around with a doozy!" and they (the "decision makers in that extended family system; eldest brother and mother) went behind his back and secured a proposal on his behalf, suddenly presenting it to him "without a choice". (scenario being mother with history of heart attacks, presenting this "arrangement" with her best friend's daughter... in face of a "no" response,getting slapped, then clutching her heart crying and breathing in convulsions on the floor with extended family members giving evil eyes). After that episode, getting away from the scene (out of the country, away from parents home, remaining in US), and it's been an uphill battle since, resisting, not returning back to visit, while pleading, cajoling every person one-on-one (including the to-be-wife who's like I don't have a choice either, and potential FIL, who both conversations to dissolve arrangement led to hospital visits with his own heart attacks... with potential bro-in-law actually txting a photo of him in ICU to shame him)... until this latest episode where I started my post with.
It's fucking crazy. Like, the entire shit is so fucking wrong, I can't believe how horribly twisted and brutally shameful it is for an entire culture to turn it around and say this is what God wants... like, really?!?!?!?! God doesn't want parents to give a rat's ass about their kids' happiness? Wants to kill their hearts and souls and just make money? Don't want people to value themselves and have dignity and self respect? WTF!!
Posted by P-Angel
If you love him, really, truly love him ... then you wouldn't allow him to be in a situation where he has to choose between you and his mother.
If you love him, really, truly love him ..... you'd gracefully bow out, and hope he finds some happiness in his future without you.
Don't listen to this angry old lady
because she obviously lives alone.
I think what you should do is:
Become a porn star - and start by sending me nude photos of yourself.
( Oh, come on - that's funny )
But seriously - you marry A FAMILY, not a person.
Do you want these dimwits managing your child's life?
Dropping in to check up on how you are not doing things right?
If you can handle that, then ...
Does he risk loosing inheritance due this?
If not ...
You have him ask his family:
"Does this arranged woman come with land, chattels or cash?
Because that's what arranged marriages were meant for.
If not...then my mother and father knowingly trade my happiness for nothing
and don't deserve me at their deathbed, nor tending sickbed for months before
and they should consider their choice carefully."
He may see the logic in addressing them with that statement.
Of course, if he can't or won't do that
he may not have the balls to be worth your time anyway.
Become a porn star - and start by sending me nude photos of yourself.
( Oh, come on - that's funny )
But seriously - you marry A FAMILY, not a person.
Do you want these dimwits managing your child's life?
Dropping in to check up on how you are not doing things right?
If you can handle that, then ...
Does he risk loosing inheritance due this?
If not ...
You have him ask his family:
"Does this arranged woman come with land, chattels or cash?
Because that's what arranged marriages were meant for.
If not...then my mother and father knowingly trade my happiness for nothing
and don't deserve me at their deathbed, nor tending sickbed for months before
and they should consider their choice carefully."
He may see the logic in addressing them with that statement.
Of course, if he can't or won't do that
he may not have the balls to be worth your time anyway.
And besides - he already showed you he can't be married.
At least not in an arranged marriage.
Hmmm .... send him this text:
"Ok - you marry a rich girl, in 6 months you divorce and get half
and we live happily ever after. Deal? "
At least not in an arranged marriage.
Hmmm .... send him this text:
"Ok - you marry a rich girl, in 6 months you divorce and get half
and we live happily ever after. Deal? "
yeah, this guy isn't the innocent victim in all of this. in fact its HIM that's got himself into this situation and nothing to do with bg, imo.
my brother (who is obviously jewish like me) was dating a hindu girl from pakistan for a few years in secret. her family found out and waged a stupid war on my bro...pouring battery acid on his car...slashing his tyres, that kinda thing. her mother died which was a terrible blow to the family and her father was grief stricken and so my bro's girl became like her mother's 'replacement' in her father's eyes. it seemed like her relationship with my brother was doomed.
but they were in love. like deeply so. they tried to separate so that she could be a comfort to her father but they couldn't do it. her father then tried to get her married off with an arrangement....but then he found HE couldn't do it. culture aside, he loved his daughter enough to see that she was torn apart being separated from my brother.
they are now married with a beautiful daughter. they had a massive traditional hindu wedding in london which was attended by all her family in pakistan and a bunch of jews, lol it was an awesome experience made more so by the fact that their love survived unimaginable obstacles.
so. what i'm saying is that if he loves you, there is no dilemna. people hide behind culture cos of the stigma attached to stepping outside of it. they don't realise that sometimes it can be like an emotional prison sentence and they have to escape for their own sakes.
this should be more about his family's love for HIM rather than his love for you.
ps...i fucking HATE using capitals cos it looks like one of those sales letters you see on the internet which goes on FOREVER and is heavily capitalised and usually results in the 'opportunity' of paying a fortune for a series of e-books. there is no e-book folks. rest easy.
my brother (who is obviously jewish like me) was dating a hindu girl from pakistan for a few years in secret. her family found out and waged a stupid war on my bro...pouring battery acid on his car...slashing his tyres, that kinda thing. her mother died which was a terrible blow to the family and her father was grief stricken and so my bro's girl became like her mother's 'replacement' in her father's eyes. it seemed like her relationship with my brother was doomed.
but they were in love. like deeply so. they tried to separate so that she could be a comfort to her father but they couldn't do it. her father then tried to get her married off with an arrangement....but then he found HE couldn't do it. culture aside, he loved his daughter enough to see that she was torn apart being separated from my brother.
they are now married with a beautiful daughter. they had a massive traditional hindu wedding in london which was attended by all her family in pakistan and a bunch of jews, lol it was an awesome experience made more so by the fact that their love survived unimaginable obstacles.
so. what i'm saying is that if he loves you, there is no dilemna. people hide behind culture cos of the stigma attached to stepping outside of it. they don't realise that sometimes it can be like an emotional prison sentence and they have to escape for their own sakes.
this should be more about his family's love for HIM rather than his love for you.
ps...i fucking HATE using capitals cos it looks like one of those sales letters you see on the internet which goes on FOREVER and is heavily capitalised and usually results in the 'opportunity' of paying a fortune for a series of e-books. there is no e-book folks. rest easy.
Posted by scorpiopics
And besides - he already showed you he can't be married.
At least not in an arranged marriage.
Hmmm .... send him this text:
"Ok - you marry a rich girl, in 6 months you divorce and get half
and we live happily ever after. Deal? "
LOL!! i'm liking that text idea 🙂
Posted by SuperiorMars
you shouldhave gotten with a strong aries man. we know what we want and we dont let anyone get in our way. scorpio is weak period. aries is better.
when you say strong, you mean neanderthal of course, aries being the cavemen of the zodiac. yeah, you know what you want but by and large you have no clue WHY the fuck you want it. it's like gimme, gimme with you guys.
when you say weak, you mean sensitive. another problem with aries is that they are too strong/neanderthal to allow themselves to be sensitive. being sensitive means not only that you take things personally some times but that you also have a degree of compassion for others and that's where aries has the problem because their thinking doesn't extend beyond themselves.
touch?
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i posted this before but no-one viewed it :( if you've ever felt bad about texting someone a coupla times after a fight
in the whole world... and as long as he lives... I'd want to play my song 'the trouble with love it...' as clarkson
Other Scorps must feel this...surely? Before my last relationship started i was longing for love so much. It's all i wa
it seems you can't deny your feelings forever and at some stage, all the forcing to the back of the mind of things you c
my friend forced me to join one...or rather coerced me into it. he told me to look for a widower. interrupted love. he s
Ever feel like your completely out if control if your nit controlling a situation? Sometimes its my way or the hwy & I o
i know he's an asshole of the highest order. i didn't even find him that attractive at first. the sex wasn't all that.
i work with this gorgeous scorpio man. he is serious when it comes to work, but when he comes around me he lightens up a
After my breakup with my Cancer girl, I have been doing a lot of thinking and realised that when i 'Love' it's 100%, it'
Hello all! I've never been to the stinger den or whatever phrase you use... I have been on dxp for a while now and th
WHY ARE YOU JEALOUS? I love you. WHAT THE BUTTER. I have a lot of work to do. I'm really busy. BUT YOU ARE JEALOUS F
I was just curious to see if anyone has the problem detaching from relationships,from romantic to friendship.It seems li
curse or gift? it's either cold or hot... black or white... serious or shit.. yeah go on. post whatever
What do guys think of this combination? I love my libra man, he is sweet, loving, charming and all. We have been togethe
Quite a long post but it's vital to have a full understanding of a situation, to make sure that opinions I'll come acros
I'm incredibly gifted with the field of the mind. I do however tend to think myself out of existence and the flowers don
Who is God? And Jesus? to a Scorpio. My heart did not take to the exclusion of people and Obama hate, that resonates wit
do you ever feel like this? like you can't be bothered to participate in life? not in the suicidal sense but don't you
Hello all! I'm new to the boards and after reading through many of the previous posts I thought I would share/ask a bit
we were laying in bed naked, holding each other, kissing each other and he said he was sorry. sorry for everything. i ex
I'm a Gemini sun/Cancer moon/Cancer venus in a relationship with a Scorpio sun/Leo moon/Virgo venus for about 3 intense years now. The connection and love between us is so powerful, passionate, and pure... We've come a long way, with clear intentions to forge a life time parternship out of our bond. But it seems cultural pressures will be causing a downfall for cementing a life long commitment to each other. We're both Asian (me, American born Chinese), him (Pakistani naturalized citizen), and have created a new world for togother, bridging any differences and adopting the best of our backgrounds. I hope I'm expressing the depth of this love we have for each other clearly. While it's not perfect, it feels we're body/mind/heart/soul mates.
For those who aren't aware of South Asian (Indian/Pakistan/Bangledesh) culture, family ties run deep -- to a point of excruciating, toxic codependency. I don't want to write a whole story and make it tedious for readers, but in a nutshell, the crux of the problem is, his mother has chosen a "suitable" (obedient) wife for him, in the old school type of relationship & cultural context, forced arranged marriage (those who are interested can link to www.pakmarriages.com for reference). He's been resisting the extreme pressures of emotional blackmail from family in accepting this arrangement for 2 years or so now... I could go into long story of all the battles and f**king crazy ridiculous ignorant nonsense that's occcurred (huge affronts to my American sensibilities, and to straight up logic) but I don't want to incense or bore anyone. The matter is this: the battles becoming quite heated,he's told them about me (being non South Asian and his intentions for our relationship).. and his family gave him an ultimatum: Either accept everything with mother / family's choice of arranged wife... or do as he pleases, marry me, but leave the family (and they are so cruel, to say he will be as good as dead to them, won't be welcomed to father's deathbed/funeral or anyones homes in future).
He is very loyal to his father, and his father made this request of him to stop fighting for love and just accept the marital arrang