Scorpio, Fidelity, And Letting Go

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by MrFirebird on Thursday, July 10, 2014 and has 54 replies.
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How long should a Scorpio carry the torch?
I had a Scorpio friend (born the same day and year as I - now deceased), who was betrayed by his girlfriend.
He shut that business down, right now and walked away. He died about 6 years later.
Funny thing is, a friend introduced her to me, like a game of hot potato, I introduced her to an old HS classmate
of mine, then, when she thought he was a dork, I introduced her to my Scorp friend. They hit it off pretty good
but then one night, I caught her sittin' on the "dork"'s lap in the bar. Right away, I drove to his place and informed my Scorp friend of the mischief. They Scorp and HS classmate were mutual friends. - well, after the breakup, the HS classmate and this girl got pregnant and married.
I was the dork's best man. I got plastered on the reception booze, BEFORE the wedding started. I don't remember a thing after that. (that was in the late '90s) My Scorp friend died in '04. (a few months later, another Elderly friend blew his brains out. I gave him the gun to do it. tried to stop him. - anyway he was evicted from his own home by his son who was a US Marshall - that's why he did himself in.)
Anyway... How long would you hold on to an old flame? What do you think is reasonable? That is for the Scorpio?




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I am not the right person to answer this - 10 years down the line I still can't let go of someone who I know is wrong for me. Sad
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Posted by BlankPage
I am not the right person to answer this - 10 years down the line I still can't let go of someone who I know is wrong for me. Sad



I've read your story, I'm sorry that you have found yourself in the fix you are now in.
But the guilt you feel should prompt you to understand where you are now and where you must be.
You are married with a child. You KNOW you have done wrong. I don't need to jump your case about that.
You must think about your child first. Then your husband, finally yourself. Look at the situation strategically.
What will happen to your child (I assume your child is still young and dependent upon you) should all this
infidelity blow up in your face. A broken home, surely a lot of tears are going to fall. IF your child is still young,they are not going to understand and the trauma can be devastating for them. - THIS IS the very reason, you don't fool around on your husband (or wife, if man) - The children need you most. - Let that sink in. Seek counseling with a minister or psychologist, even marriage/family counseling.
You don't want to live the way I have had to live and my x has had to live. Whatever suffering you are experiencing
now, will only be 10,000,000 times worse. - Remember the sayin: You never know what you had, until you lost it.
Go on home and forget that Scorpio. - There is no positive future with him.
You really DO need to let him go and tell him to let YOU go. And love your husband and child with all your heart
and protect them, because they are being threatened. It's no different than if someone threatened to kill them.
Surely, you wouldn't let that happen? Would you?
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That's a somewhat twisted story now isn't it....
For me, the absolute easiest way for me to cut ties cleanly is if they nicely cross my Mamma Line. Instantly over.
Otherwise it depends on the connection.
What I have found is that I have experiences more than one or two breakups and I have to say that in general it does get easier with practice. In General....
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Posted by BlankPage
I am not the right person to answer this - 10 years down the line I still can't let go of someone who I know is wrong for me. Sad



Sometimes it's the idea of something that we cling to. You have a romanticized perception of how things will be with the Scorpio, but that is rarely if ever the way reality plays out.
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Posted by FixedWater
That's a somewhat twisted story now isn't it....
For me, the absolute easiest way for me to cut ties cleanly is if they nicely cross my Mamma Line. Instantly over.
Otherwise it depends on the connection.
What I have found is that I have experiences more than one or two breakups and I have to say that in general it does get easier with practice. In General....



There's a reason for that though.... with each break-up the next ones to come along are of lesser and lesser value.
That is, less meaningful - Something in that person dies with the relationship. That's why it gets easier and easier.
The heart gets harder and harder.
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Posted by FixedWater
Posted by BlankPage
I am not the right person to answer this - 10 years down the line I still can't let go of someone who I know is wrong for me. Sad



Sometimes it's the idea of something that we cling to. You have a romanticized perception of how things will be with the Scorpio, but that is rarely if ever the way reality plays out.
click to expand


+1
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The secret life of the broken home are found in the little things.
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Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by FixedWater
That's a somewhat twisted story now isn't it....
For me, the absolute easiest way for me to cut ties cleanly is if they nicely cross my Mamma Line. Instantly over.
Otherwise it depends on the connection.
What I have found is that I have experiences more than one or two breakups and I have to say that in general it does get easier with practice. In General....



There's a reason for that though.... with each break-up the next ones to come along are of lesser and lesser value.
That is, less meaningful - Something in that person dies with the relationship. That's why it gets easier and easier.
The heart gets harder and harder.

click to expand


Pfffft.....I have been dreaming of this for years. Could it finally be true? I did go into bitch-mode today but I could only make it last a few hours and it cannot sustain itself when tested. I did smile back at the guy that smiled at me... Big Grin
No Mr.F, it is about knowing what to expect and the ability to offset the stages as you go through them. No different than childbirth actually. It is still painful but the second time is almost always easier than the first.
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Posted by FixedWater
Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by FixedWater
That's a somewhat twisted story now isn't it....
For me, the absolute easiest way for me to cut ties cleanly is if they nicely cross my Mamma Line. Instantly over.
Otherwise it depends on the connection.
What I have found is that I have experiences more than one or two breakups and I have to say that in general it does get easier with practice. In General....



There's a reason for that though.... with each break-up the next ones to come along are of lesser and lesser value.
That is, less meaningful - Something in that person dies with the relationship. That's why it gets easier and easier.
The heart gets harder and harder.



Pfffft.....I have been dreaming of this for years. Could it finally be true? I did go into bitch-mode today but I could only make it last a few hours and it cannot sustain itself when tested. I did smile back at the guy that smiled at me... Big Grin
No Mr.F, it is about knowing what to expect and the ability to offset the stages as you go through them. No different than childbirth actually. It is still painful but the second time is almost always easier than the first.
click to expand


Everyone is different fixed. I am just describing it as I can as I see it, from my perspective.
It's a subconscious tweak. It took me many, many years to come to that realization.
The break-ups get easier and easier because the heart had grown harder and harder.
The heavier the hammer, the easier to drive the nail.
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Oh I see, my apologies then. I thought you were referring to my heart. I wish it would get harder.
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Posted by FixedWater
Oh I see, my apologies then. I thought you were referring to my heart. I wish it would get harder.


Listen..
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Ahhhh... I love that song and he's such a cute cowboy.
How about "colder weather" ?
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Posted by FixedWater
Ahhhh... I love that song and he's such a cute cowboy.
How about "colder weather" ?


.... "and he such cute cowboy"....LOL good grief....
wait a minute!!! where's your venus and moon??? o-O

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Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by FixedWater
Ahhhh... I love that song and he's such a cute cowboy.
How about "colder weather" ?


.... "and he such cute cowboy"....LOL good grief....
wait a minute!!! where's your venus and moon??? o-O


click to expand


Oh Geesh... here we go again ...................... waiting ..........................
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Posted by FixedWater
Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by FixedWater
Ahhhh... I love that song and he's such a cute cowboy.
How about "colder weather" ?


.... "and he such cute cowboy"....LOL good grief....
wait a minute!!! where's your venus and moon??? o-O




Oh Geesh... here we go again ...................... waiting ..........................
click to expand


Ahhhhh..... HAH!!! that's what the problem is....
Your Venus is in the Library and your Moon is on the Can.
I don't know what to say about that...
Winking
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I guess it depends on the circumstances of a breakup. I tend to be pretty brutal and ruthless when I decide it's done, but it's usually done because things got really bad. Once it's done for me, there is no pining for that person too much. I usually do my mourning before I actually finish and end it. I'm not a scorpio, though.
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Posted by exoskeleton
i get over peeps rather quickly.
once closure is given and it's all resolved, i keep it moving. lesson learned. experience gained.


Closure is huge, though.
What if you don't get it?
Can you still move on?



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Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by FixedWater
Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by FixedWater
Ahhhh... I love that song and he's such a cute cowboy.
How about "colder weather" ?


.... "and he such cute cowboy"....LOL good grief....
wait a minute!!! where's your venus and moon??? o-O




Oh Geesh... here we go again ...................... waiting ..........................


Ahhhhh..... HAH!!! that's what the problem is....
Your Venus is in the Library and your Moon is on the Can.
I don't know what to say about that...
Winking
click to expand


Mr.F, do I understand you correctly that what you are suggesting is that my Venus is boring and my Moon is shit?
.... and you have nothing to say about it? nothing... not even a toss it into the solar system? You know I don't do well with no answers.
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... and according to my grammar I haven't been spending all that much time in the library. Lol
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Posted by FixedWater
Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by FixedWater
Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by FixedWater
Ahhhh... I love that song and he's such a cute cowboy.
How about "colder weather" ?


.... "and he such cute cowboy"....LOL good grief....
wait a minute!!! where's your venus and moon??? o-O




Oh Geesh... here we go again ...................... waiting ..........................


Ahhhhh..... HAH!!! that's what the problem is....
Your Venus is in the Library and your Moon is on the Can.
I don't know what to say about that...
Winking


Mr.F, do I understand you correctly that what you are suggesting is that my Venus is boring and my Moon is shit?
.... and you have nothing to say about it? nothing... not even a toss it into the solar system? You know I don't do well with no answers.
click to expand


Oops, I meant "I"n the can, not on the can. - typo, my bad, so sad.
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^^^ sorry to leave ya hangin' - just toss the solar system. Just.... throw it away.
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~~ Heavy Sigh ~~
What shall I be if I toss it?
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Posted by FixedWater
~~ Heavy Sigh ~~
What shall I be if I toss it?


Tossed Salad with Celestial Seasoning?
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Posted by FixedWater
~~ Heavy Sigh ~~
What shall I be if I toss it?


Anything you want to be? lol
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Tossed Salad with Celestial Seasoning? So I will have a brief life then get chopped into a bazillion little pieces and doused with heavenly bits right before I get eaten? Seems a little unfair Imo.
I am not impressed with your cause and answers Mr.F ... Straight Face
(hehe)
Moon, what would I love to be instead of me? A fly on the wall somewhere not very far away... but that's just today's wish.

Star, I don't think I have to come back, maybe I will become a 'Star' instead ? smile Lol
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Posted by FixedWater
Tossed Salad with Celestial Seasoning? So I will have a brief life then get chopped into a bazillion little pieces and doused with heavenly bits right before I get eaten? Seems a little unfair Imo.
I am not impressed with your cause and answers Mr.F ... Straight Face
(hehe)
Moon, what would I love to be instead of me? A fly on the wall somewhere not very far away... but that's just today's wish.

Star, I don't think I have to come back, maybe I will become a 'Star' instead ? smile Lol



I wouldn't be impressed with my answers either.
I'm kinda detached, today.
Sad
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Posted by FixedWater
Tossed Salad with Celestial Seasoning? So I will have a brief life then get chopped into a bazillion little pieces and doused with heavenly bits right before I get eaten? Seems a little unfair Imo.
I am not impressed with your cause and answers Mr.F ... Straight Face
(hehe)
Moon, what would I love to be instead of me? A fly on the wall somewhere not very far away... but that's just today's wish.

Star, I don't think I have to come back, maybe I will become a 'Star' instead ? smile Lol


An orgasm in the cosmos, the bright flash of light at the start of a new life, the explosion of a star's death, the heart of a volcano, the seedling as it sprouts from the ground, a cat sunning itself?
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I was just wondering how long should a Scorpio carry the torch?
What is reasonable?
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Posted by MrFirebird
I was just wondering how long should a Scorpio carry the torch?
What is reasonable?



Grieving is a process that is so much different for each and every one.
Sometimes a person grieves for so long that it becomes comfortable and safe.
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Posted by MrFirebird
I was just wondering how long should a Scorpio carry the torch?
What is reasonable?



What is reasonable? Long enough to go through the mourning process without turning it into a life style . Once it's a life style you've started to jack up your future and your potential happiness. Then the question is: is it done because martyrdom is enjoyable or somehow valued, or is it done because one doesn't believe they deserve happiness?
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On the subject of feeling one doesn't deserve happiness, this is something I've seen quite a few scorpios do. It's like you all (generalizing) take a combination of your life mistakes and your inner darkness, and if some childhood trauma taught you to not value yourself or knocked your self esteem then it all brews into this misguided view of "not being good enough" for happiness, or a jaded view that happiness will be taken away as soon as you find it.
It sort of breaks my heart when I see people doing this to themselves. I can see the inner good, the potential, the best parts of people, even when I see and understand the inner bad, the dark side. Those that choose to let the bad side be more of their character than the good side end up being the assholes in life, and it's hard for them to see past their selfish ideals. For those that try their hardest to rise above that dark side, but still don't think they deserve, have no idea how very special they are (I know, time to emotionally squirm a bit. "don't call me special!"). If you believe that life is sacred, that there's a spark of the divine in all life, then it's easy to conclude that makes a person special, and that happiness is deserved and should be enjoyed, but it's a paradox to think life is sacred and then reject that your own self isn't worthy. You ARE worthy, and more so if you've struggled to push past the bad and to do right, struggled to sacrifice for others. THAT is what makes a person special, that coupled with that inner spark of the divine, the potential and then uniqueness.
Don't shit on that, because it's disrespectful to life.
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Posted by FixedWater
Posted by MrFirebird
I was just wondering how long should a Scorpio carry the torch?
What is reasonable?



Grieving is a process that is so much different for each and every one.
Sometimes a person grieves for so long that it becomes comfortable and safe.
click to expand


I don't know about comfortable and safe.
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Posted by starlover
I think a year is a good turning point for me....i begin to really let go then...never forget, but just let go and from then it is easier
You hold on for much longer do you not Mr Fire?

Sad


23.5 years and counting.

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Firebird, that's a bit long, don't you think? Why hold onto it that long?
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Posted by MoonArtist
On the subject of feeling one doesn't deserve happiness, this is something I've seen quite a few scorpios do. It's like you all (generalizing) take a combination of your life mistakes and your inner darkness, and if some childhood trauma taught you to not value yourself or knocked your self esteem then it all brews into this misguided view of "not being good enough" for happiness, or a jaded view that happiness will be taken away as soon as you find it.
It sort of breaks my heart when I see people doing this to themselves. I can see the inner good, the potential, the best parts of people, even when I see and understand the inner bad, the dark side. Those that choose to let the bad side be more of their character than the good side end up being the assholes in life, and it's hard for them to see past their selfish ideals. For those that try their hardest to rise above that dark side, but still don't think they deserve, have no idea how very special they are (I know, time to emotionally squirm a bit. "don't call me special!"). If you believe that life is sacred, that there's a spark of the divine in all life, then it's easy to conclude that makes a person special, and that happiness is deserved and should be enjoyed, but it's a paradox to think life is sacred and then reject that your own self isn't worthy. You ARE worthy, and more so if you've struggled to push past the bad and to do right, struggled to sacrifice for others. THAT is what makes a person special, that coupled with that inner spark of the divine, the potential and then uniqueness.
Don't shit on that, because it's disrespectful to life.


I'm NOT worthy. - that's the fact I've had to face from the day I was born.
Life path 9, eh..

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Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by MoonArtist
On the subject of feeling one doesn't deserve happiness, this is something I've seen quite a few scorpios do. It's like you all (generalizing) take a combination of your life mistakes and your inner darkness, and if some childhood trauma taught you to not value yourself or knocked your self esteem then it all brews into this misguided view of "not being good enough" for happiness, or a jaded view that happiness will be taken away as soon as you find it.
It sort of breaks my heart when I see people doing this to themselves. I can see the inner good, the potential, the best parts of people, even when I see and understand the inner bad, the dark side. Those that choose to let the bad side be more of their character than the good side end up being the assholes in life, and it's hard for them to see past their selfish ideals. For those that try their hardest to rise above that dark side, but still don't think they deserve, have no idea how very special they are (I know, time to emotionally squirm a bit. "don't call me special!"). If you believe that life is sacred, that there's a spark of the divine in all life, then it's easy to conclude that makes a person special, and that happiness is deserved and should be enjoyed, but it's a paradox to think life is sacred and then reject that your own self isn't worthy. You ARE worthy, and more so if you've struggled to push past the bad and to do right, struggled to sacrifice for others. THAT is what makes a person special, that coupled with that inner spark of the divine, the potential and then uniqueness.
Don't shit on that, because it's disrespectful to life.


I'm NOT worthy. - that's the fact I've had to face from the day I was born.
Life path 9, eh..


click to expand


That isn't a FACT....that is a misconstrued opinion and view. The FACT is that you ARE worthy. Circumstances in life and at birth don't dictate if you're worthy....they are merely circumstances.
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Moon, I'm afraid that you don't understand.
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Firebird, I do, more than you realize.
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Mr.F, we aren't privy to the details that make you consider yourself worthless. A Man's way of adding all the pieces together is different from a Woman's. I won't pretend to understand what it is that haunts you so much.
Holding onto it is what this is about and I think we all agree that you have almost served a half a life's sentence. To move on from this requires that you face it. It will bring about feelings of vulnerability that you have yet to experience because you have not moved on.
What you are mostly talking about, if I were to venture a guess, is forgiveness. I would imagine you have gone through all the details over and over. I would imagine after such a long time that there are no real "feelings" left to grieve.
Maybe the only thing left to do is to forgive yourself.
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Posted by FixedWater
Mr.F, we aren't privy to the details that make you consider yourself worthless. A Man's way of adding all the pieces together is different from a Woman's. I won't pretend to understand what it is that haunts you so much.
Holding onto it is what this is about and I think we all agree that you have almost served a half a life's sentence. To move on from this requires that you face it. It will bring about feelings of vulnerability that you have yet to experience because you have not moved on.
What you are mostly talking about, if I were to venture a guess, is forgiveness. I would imagine you have gone through all the details over and over. I would imagine after such a long time that there are no real "feelings" left to grieve.
Maybe the only thing left to do is to forgive yourself.



Moon, Mixed,
It's a LOT more than what you presuming. Those things, I understand.
There's just.... a lot more than meets the eye.

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this is the most uplifting thin I've heard in a long time
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Posted by Mermaid315
I don't really know any of you personally. May I ask a question on here?


You may.
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Posted by MrFirebird
How long should a Scorpio carry the torch?



Not until the fire burns the wood and reaches their hands and their sanity. Before that would be a good moment to drop it.
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Posted by Damnata
Posted by MrFirebird
How long should a Scorpio carry the torch?



Not until the fire burns the wood and reaches their hands and their sanity. Before that would be a good moment to drop it.
click to expand


Very good Damnata, very good.
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Then there is just one thing left. Choose it. Big Grin
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Posted by Mermaid315

Question:
When a relationship goes wrong, Does it have a greater impact on Men's identity and self-worth?



Depends on the man.
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Posted by Mermaid315
Thank you Mr.Firebird.


Pardon me, but what did I say???
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Posted by Mermaid315
Posted by MoonArtist
On the subject of feeling one doesn't deserve happiness, this is something I've seen quite a few scorpios do. It's like you all (generalizing) take a combination of your life mistakes and your inner darkness, and if some childhood trauma taught you to not value yourself or knocked your self esteem then it all brews into this misguided view of "not being good enough" for happiness, or a jaded view that happiness will be taken away as soon as you find it.
It sort of breaks my heart when I see people doing this to themselves. I can see the inner good, the potential, the best parts of people, even when I see and understand the inner bad, the dark side. Those that choose to let the bad side be more of their character than the good side end up being the assholes in life, and it's hard for them to see past their selfish ideals. For those that try their hardest to rise above that dark side, but still don't think they deserve, have no idea how very special they are (I know, time to emotionally squirm a bit. "don't call me special!"). If you believe that life is sacred, that there's a spark of the divine in all life, then it's easy to conclude that makes a person special, and that happiness is deserved and should be enjoyed, but it's a paradox to think life is sacred and then reject that your own self isn't worthy. You ARE worthy, and more so if you've struggled to push past the bad and to do right, struggled to sacrifice for others. THAT is what makes a person special, that coupled with that inner spark of the divine, the potential and then uniqueness.




This is beautifully said.

click to expand


Thank you. It's not as eloquent as I had hoped....this Cap full moon is making me very business like. lol
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