needsmorecoffee
@needsmorecoffee
12 Years
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Scorpio girl unexplicable cold breakup from libra
I had deleted her from my contacts that evening. But after 3 days I contacted her back at the phone. From then on it was like talking to a ghost. I tried to re-estabilish a comfortable communication in the next week, ignoring what was happened. But this turned out so difficult since she became cold as ice. I did not want to hammer her with phone calls or sms so I tried to be a bit low profile and contact her only once in 2-3 days with simple messages, but either there was no answer or a cold answer.
I did sent her a meaningful gift (related to something she had told me long time before) and a letter (that didn't sound desperate but more like cheeringful and sweet). She thanked me for that, she told me to feel guilty and happy at the same time. She told me once more I'm the best man she ever met, that I'm uncomparable to her previous (and only) boyfriend who cheated and dumped her, and that she's proud of me, that she is so scared to lose me but she found differences between us, and she does not love me, would like to be just friends and thinks she will not change her mind.
She does not have another. She does not seem concerned about the long distance. I really not understand why she does not give to our relationship another chance and what mostly scares me is her being so cold and determined at it. We never had a single argument before on anything.
We do not see each other on a skype video since one month. Phone calls she answers but they go pretty much like this: one day I wanted to tell her to meet up, so I called her but she was busy at work; she told me to call her back in the evening but I found her asleep. Another day she did respond to that with an astonishing "You just been here, why you want to come again? And I can't take days off". Since then I stopped contacting her.
She contacted me again couple of days ago... But just to ask me about something I had lost while I was there which she could not find. I told her that was not important. I answered not politely and had to cut it short because I was at work. After few days I thanked her for that. And that was it. I tried to ask why she wanted to look for it? But she did not answer me on that question.
I don't know what to do. She seems so resolute in destroying what looked like a sweet and promising relationship. There are no words I can put together her to express how much she was into me just before. And there are no words to describe how much she is acting different now. To the p
I did sent her a meaningful gift (related to something she had told me long time before) and a letter (that didn't sound desperate but more like cheeringful and sweet). She thanked me for that, she told me to feel guilty and happy at the same time. She told me once more I'm the best man she ever met, that I'm uncomparable to her previous (and only) boyfriend who cheated and dumped her, and that she's proud of me, that she is so scared to lose me but she found differences between us, and she does not love me, would like to be just friends and thinks she will not change her mind.
She does not have another. She does not seem concerned about the long distance. I really not understand why she does not give to our relationship another chance and what mostly scares me is her being so cold and determined at it. We never had a single argument before on anything.
We do not see each other on a skype video since one month. Phone calls she answers but they go pretty much like this: one day I wanted to tell her to meet up, so I called her but she was busy at work; she told me to call her back in the evening but I found her asleep. Another day she did respond to that with an astonishing "You just been here, why you want to come again? And I can't take days off". Since then I stopped contacting her.
She contacted me again couple of days ago... But just to ask me about something I had lost while I was there which she could not find. I told her that was not important. I answered not politely and had to cut it short because I was at work. After few days I thanked her for that. And that was it. I tried to ask why she wanted to look for it? But she did not answer me on that question.
I don't know what to do. She seems so resolute in destroying what looked like a sweet and promising relationship. There are no words I can put together her to express how much she was into me just before. And there are no words to describe how much she is acting different now. To the p
To the point that I don't know how to handle it.
I'm libra and I like to talk over things, I want so much to meet her and spend some time in a quiet place, but she seems not responding to that. She did not respond to my love letter with an email or something, she is not communicating to me what she has inside and to me this is just a big puzzle. I'm not forcing her, I'm not contacting her anymore, unless she takes the initiative like the other day.
In these cases, they say it's best to go non communication? or should I chase her confess her my truly love? I'm afraid she would just run more away from me. I'm not a desperate, but I wish to have her back so much and give it another chance, maybe all her decisions are based on her own thinking and misunderstandings or other problems? I was in love with her and I would have done efforts to make this work despite the distance. I would have found solutions to practical problems.
Just flying there without asking is a bit of a problem. She has a very erratic working schedule and the risk I go there and she's away from home (she goes out of town often) for a few days is very high. I also need to cope with my work so I can't take many days off.
The very fact I'm writing this on a forum for my first time in life maybe gives you a measure on how much I'm lost. I rather not ask common friends, I don't want to mess things up further.
Another option is just to accept this madness and forget her. I can't be friends though. Even if I move on and find someone else, this would look forever like a burnt or ripped page of an important chapter in my book of life. Even if my feelings for her will vanish some day, I could not think of how she decided to end it.
Do you have any advices for me? I thank you all.
I'm libra and I like to talk over things, I want so much to meet her and spend some time in a quiet place, but she seems not responding to that. She did not respond to my love letter with an email or something, she is not communicating to me what she has inside and to me this is just a big puzzle. I'm not forcing her, I'm not contacting her anymore, unless she takes the initiative like the other day.
In these cases, they say it's best to go non communication? or should I chase her confess her my truly love? I'm afraid she would just run more away from me. I'm not a desperate, but I wish to have her back so much and give it another chance, maybe all her decisions are based on her own thinking and misunderstandings or other problems? I was in love with her and I would have done efforts to make this work despite the distance. I would have found solutions to practical problems.
Just flying there without asking is a bit of a problem. She has a very erratic working schedule and the risk I go there and she's away from home (she goes out of town often) for a few days is very high. I also need to cope with my work so I can't take many days off.
The very fact I'm writing this on a forum for my first time in life maybe gives you a measure on how much I'm lost. I rather not ask common friends, I don't want to mess things up further.
Another option is just to accept this madness and forget her. I can't be friends though. Even if I move on and find someone else, this would look forever like a burnt or ripped page of an important chapter in my book of life. Even if my feelings for her will vanish some day, I could not think of how she decided to end it.
Do you have any advices for me? I thank you all.
Sounds like she's freezing you out. You need to ignore her. Date some girls from your country so you lose the "lovesick puppy dog vibe" contrary to popular belief girls are not attracted to this.
If she calls or tries to contact you, tell her you can't talk now because you have a date with a "smoke show." Scorpios are jealous so this might reactivate her attraction that your mooning probably killed off.
I've heard it said that you shouldn't date a woman over 35 miles away unless you want grief. If you find a local cutie and quit thinking about her all the time she'll probably want you back.
If she calls or tries to contact you, tell her you can't talk now because you have a date with a "smoke show." Scorpios are jealous so this might reactivate her attraction that your mooning probably killed off.
I've heard it said that you shouldn't date a woman over 35 miles away unless you want grief. If you find a local cutie and quit thinking about her all the time she'll probably want you back.
Thanks. I'm of that opinion too. Since last monday I'm not actively looking for her except for that phone call of her - I was impolite, that's why I felt writing her thanks after a couple of days. I want to detach, but it's not my nature to be a jerk, even if someone acted like a jerk to me, I do it for the sake of what was between us before.
My mind is cool. My heart still thinks of her and I can't help it. I rarely feel like this.
I feel that even if I do what the "guidebook" says... go out, keep active, keep busy, date other girls, do not communicate, I do it because I have hope that she will want to meet me again.
About the long distance, from my side is not something unbearable. My job would allow me to relocate at some point if I really want or need. I like travel and do travel often, I moved countries more than once, to me it's neither an obstacle or a problem, but a rather pleasant and exciting challenge.
My mind is cool. My heart still thinks of her and I can't help it. I rarely feel like this.
I feel that even if I do what the "guidebook" says... go out, keep active, keep busy, date other girls, do not communicate, I do it because I have hope that she will want to meet me again.
About the long distance, from my side is not something unbearable. My job would allow me to relocate at some point if I really want or need. I like travel and do travel often, I moved countries more than once, to me it's neither an obstacle or a problem, but a rather pleasant and exciting challenge.
Posted by SagMagick
Sounds like she's freezing you out. You need to ignore her. Date some girls from your country so you lose the "lovesick puppy dog vibe" contrary to popular belief girls are not attracted to this.
If she calls or tries to contact you, tell her you can't talk now because you have a date with a "smoke show." Scorpios are jealous so this might reactivate her attraction that your mooning probably killed off.
I've heard it said that you shouldn't date a woman over 35 miles away unless you want grief. If you find a local cutie and quit thinking about her all the time she'll probably want you back.
Same goes for dating men long distance, especially. Men are more visual and need to 'see' you more often.
To the op I find it quite puzzling as well as to why she would disappear. The only things I can think of is that she realized something when you last went to visit her and it made her realize you are not a good fit and she was not 'woman' enough to tell you upfront. She also has mars in libra (changes her mind about her feelings) and Venus in sag and may like her space. Mars in Scorp can be a little much for someone like that sometimes.
therefore I agree with sagmagik about just stopping the contact with her. You want to talk it out and get some answers but it has obviously been a failure. Save your dignity and move on. If she is still interested and you are dating someone else, she will be back.
Thank you both.
Yes I think she had found something, but instead of talking it about with me she talked it with herself. It's sad to see someone go because of a possible misunderstanding. If it were me I'd have tons of "what if" flying in my mind (which I do).
@aNEWday... suppose she contacts me back in these days or later - should I be just as cold to her? ignore her completely even though she initiates a contact?
If she's the secretive type or "not woman enough" as you say, how can I tell if she is sending me signals? maybe she won't be "woman enough" to admit the mistake and wanting to meet up. She never dumped anyone before and maybe she doesn't know how to handle it as well. It sounds like a catch22 situation.
Yes I think she had found something, but instead of talking it about with me she talked it with herself. It's sad to see someone go because of a possible misunderstanding. If it were me I'd have tons of "what if" flying in my mind (which I do).
@aNEWday... suppose she contacts me back in these days or later - should I be just as cold to her? ignore her completely even though she initiates a contact?
If she's the secretive type or "not woman enough" as you say, how can I tell if she is sending me signals? maybe she won't be "woman enough" to admit the mistake and wanting to meet up. She never dumped anyone before and maybe she doesn't know how to handle it as well. It sounds like a catch22 situation.
I do believe we have a strong magnetic attraction when we are close. She told me during our breakup "I'm afraid to see you again and fell in love again". Which made no sense to me at all. That's why I looked for meeting up, but she denied me that. What if she's too proud or too coward to tell me "I want to see you"?
Right now you are giving her the upper hand in the relationship. Scorpio women like powerful men who are a challenge. If she initiates contact wait a few days to get back to her and then say something like "Oh I was traveling and having an amazing time sorry I couldn't get back to you sooner." You are not being a jerk but not her "chew toy" either.
Post a few pics on Facebook of you and a mystery hot girl. Then after you've got her totally wanted you again fly to her city and casually text her that you are at "past romantic spot of yours" and you want to see her one more time. Then make out with her and try to be smooth and not morph back into a puppy dog again.
Post a few pics on Facebook of you and a mystery hot girl. Then after you've got her totally wanted you again fly to her city and casually text her that you are at "past romantic spot of yours" and you want to see her one more time. Then make out with her and try to be smooth and not morph back into a puppy dog again.
Maybe thats your answer, that she does 'want to see you again', just let her know when this is available and go talk to her if you can that would be a start and Take it from there if you would like.
@soultalk... I really thought about it and I don't think I have done anything bad to her. I even asked, but she said no.
@SagMagick my only guess is that she found me to bee too soft or not assertive? At the beginning I was not as much into this relationship as she was into me. You could say "smooth" to quote your word. Since she showered me with so much love and appreciation for several months, I became more soft with her. Perhaps last time we met the roles were changed and she did really not to hear something like "I love you".
@mfwb55 yes unfortunately it's not the same city... when we broke up, the next week I thought of taking a flight straight away. For me to go to her country it takes 3-4 days to process a visa. And I'm not sure when to find her as I mentioned, she has an erratic schedule. If I'm going to visit her, we must agree on it first, if I make it casually as @SagMagick says there's a high risk of wasting time and further disappointment.
@SagMagick my only guess is that she found me to bee too soft or not assertive? At the beginning I was not as much into this relationship as she was into me. You could say "smooth" to quote your word. Since she showered me with so much love and appreciation for several months, I became more soft with her. Perhaps last time we met the roles were changed and she did really not to hear something like "I love you".
@mfwb55 yes unfortunately it's not the same city... when we broke up, the next week I thought of taking a flight straight away. For me to go to her country it takes 3-4 days to process a visa. And I'm not sure when to find her as I mentioned, she has an erratic schedule. If I'm going to visit her, we must agree on it first, if I make it casually as @SagMagick says there's a high risk of wasting time and further disappointment.
@soultalk I don't think she has another right now. That's one of the few things I'm mostly sure of. And from what I know of her, I don't think she will jump immediately or casually in a relationship right after me. Worst case is that maybe someone, friend or someone close to her once, contributed to change her feelings towards me. But that's just hypothesis.
@Impulsv what are you suggesting to bring it up sorry?
I agree with you playing those "games" isn't my sport, honestly. If I happen to be with a hot chick and a picture of me slips on FB, it just happens and I might hit "allow on timeline" button, but I'm not the person that goes into such plots. I'm a bit reserved type and I don't show off much, especially on FB. I didn't even change my relationship status nort tell many people about her - she, instead, told about me to A LOT of people.
About long distance. I can't publish too many details here, but let's just say I did things like relocating in 3 countries in 2 different continents before; I'm also a serious traveller and I do things like covering large distances (1000km and up) entirely by land during my trips. I work with computers and travel. I'm kickstarting a new business of mine in the country I'm living in now and I can't just leave due to business commitments. Later on I might. I like her country too very much, so it's not forcing myself.
I agree with you playing those "games" isn't my sport, honestly. If I happen to be with a hot chick and a picture of me slips on FB, it just happens and I might hit "allow on timeline" button, but I'm not the person that goes into such plots. I'm a bit reserved type and I don't show off much, especially on FB. I didn't even change my relationship status nort tell many people about her - she, instead, told about me to A LOT of people.
About long distance. I can't publish too many details here, but let's just say I did things like relocating in 3 countries in 2 different continents before; I'm also a serious traveller and I do things like covering large distances (1000km and up) entirely by land during my trips. I work with computers and travel. I'm kickstarting a new business of mine in the country I'm living in now and I can't just leave due to business commitments. Later on I might. I like her country too very much, so it's not forcing myself.
I asked, it's not that the issue (and even without asking I could have been sure of it).
Before leaving to the airport I was telling her that somewhere next year early summer I would have tried to stay in her city for at least one month. And we could have still seen each other every 2 months before that.
It could be the opposite, maybe she doesn't want to feel caged in a relationship at early age (24), she did not have many relationships before, she might be scared of a serious one.
Since she has not enough strength to face me or dump me in person, she could not be mature enough to tell me other things. At breakup I told her "if you say I'm so good to you and don't wish to lose me, why are you making such effort to make it happen". She said "I'm not good enough for you, I'm selfish". It's the type of stupid things to say that end up with the "let's be friends" idiocy and that drive me mad and that's when I started to be angry.
I'd exclude a lover... She was literally too much into me before. You know, when you have someone so full of emotion and attention, every single day - to the point of being overwhelming. Someone that shouts to the world that has a boyfriend... And those two weeks spent recently close together I did not notice anything strange. And the passion, the love, the kisses, were there, there was not coldness at all.
Before leaving to the airport I was telling her that somewhere next year early summer I would have tried to stay in her city for at least one month. And we could have still seen each other every 2 months before that.
It could be the opposite, maybe she doesn't want to feel caged in a relationship at early age (24), she did not have many relationships before, she might be scared of a serious one.
Since she has not enough strength to face me or dump me in person, she could not be mature enough to tell me other things. At breakup I told her "if you say I'm so good to you and don't wish to lose me, why are you making such effort to make it happen". She said "I'm not good enough for you, I'm selfish". It's the type of stupid things to say that end up with the "let's be friends" idiocy and that drive me mad and that's when I started to be angry.
I'd exclude a lover... She was literally too much into me before. You know, when you have someone so full of emotion and attention, every single day - to the point of being overwhelming. Someone that shouts to the world that has a boyfriend... And those two weeks spent recently close together I did not notice anything strange. And the passion, the love, the kisses, were there, there was not coldness at all.
Well since this is a bit about astrology too, I wonder what do you make of this:
I house virgo:
sun in scorpio
mercury in libra
mars in libra
II house scorpio:
Pluto in scorpio
III house sagittarius:
Venus in sagittarius
IV house sagittarius:
neptune, uranus and saturn in capricorn
V house capricorn
VI house acquarius
VII house pisces
VIII house taurus
IX house gemini
X house gemini
jupiter in cancer
XI house cancer
moon in leo
XII house leo
I house virgo:
sun in scorpio
mercury in libra
mars in libra
II house scorpio:
Pluto in scorpio
III house sagittarius:
Venus in sagittarius
IV house sagittarius:
neptune, uranus and saturn in capricorn
V house capricorn
VI house acquarius
VII house pisces
VIII house taurus
IX house gemini
X house gemini
jupiter in cancer
XI house cancer
moon in leo
XII house leo
I am actually not a player, but some call me a ladies man (What's the difference? A players exes hate his guts and see him as phony while a ladies' man's exes are dying to have him back). Don't think of it as a game, think of it as a dance, women love to dance right?
You have two choices, it's simple. Woo her back or move the fuck on.
If a girl is into you distance is not an issue. I did a year of long distance with a total knockout and she was faithful and in love the whole time (my best friend was studying overseas as well).
Any woman can be seduced or won back (reseduced) if you create enough intrigue and attraction. In fact if she was already in love with you it's easier because you just have to reignite those feelings.
My take is that you lowered her interest level and stopped being exciting and a mystery (Achilles heel of Scorpio women). This is doubly important in long distance relationships. Have a good cry, feel sorry for yourself and mope around for a whole day and then put on your man pants and decide if you want to move on or win her back.
It won't be easy but it's doable. You have to change your habits. When she was all gooey and in love you let your guard down and stopped being interesting to her. It's cat-string theory. You have to keep them titallated the whole time, even after you marry them. It never ends.
You have two choices, it's simple. Woo her back or move the fuck on.
If a girl is into you distance is not an issue. I did a year of long distance with a total knockout and she was faithful and in love the whole time (my best friend was studying overseas as well).
Any woman can be seduced or won back (reseduced) if you create enough intrigue and attraction. In fact if she was already in love with you it's easier because you just have to reignite those feelings.
My take is that you lowered her interest level and stopped being exciting and a mystery (Achilles heel of Scorpio women). This is doubly important in long distance relationships. Have a good cry, feel sorry for yourself and mope around for a whole day and then put on your man pants and decide if you want to move on or win her back.
It won't be easy but it's doable. You have to change your habits. When she was all gooey and in love you let your guard down and stopped being interesting to her. It's cat-string theory. You have to keep them titallated the whole time, even after you marry them. It never ends.
From our synastry we have
moon conj venus
moon square mars
moon square uranus
sun conj mercury
mercury sextile neptune
mercury conj pluto
venus conj neptune
mars sextile venus
mars sextile nepetune
mars conj pluto
jupiter conj moon
jupiter square sun
saturn opposition moon
saturn square sun
saturn square venus
uranus square sun
uranus sextile mercury
uranus square saturn
neptune opposition moon
neptune square sun
neptune square venus
pluto trigon moon
pluto conj mars
pluto conj uranus
chiron conj moon
chiron trigon mars
chiron trigon uranus
chiron square pluto
chiron sextile chiron
ascendant conj with
sun, jupiter, saturn
moon conj venus
moon square mars
moon square uranus
sun conj mercury
mercury sextile neptune
mercury conj pluto
venus conj neptune
mars sextile venus
mars sextile nepetune
mars conj pluto
jupiter conj moon
jupiter square sun
saturn opposition moon
saturn square sun
saturn square venus
uranus square sun
uranus sextile mercury
uranus square saturn
neptune opposition moon
neptune square sun
neptune square venus
pluto trigon moon
pluto conj mars
pluto conj uranus
chiron conj moon
chiron trigon mars
chiron trigon uranus
chiron square pluto
chiron sextile chiron
ascendant conj with
sun, jupiter, saturn
@SagMagick I'd like to win her back. And I wouldn't say this for any girl I had (incidentally, I'm the dumper usually - otherwise it's mutual). Or at least, meet her and possibly make out. I'm not going to do insane things especially after this incident, such as relocating without being very sure of each other, even if she gets back to me. But I'm willing to forgive her if she really misses me and wants to give another chance to discover more of ourselves. At the same time it's not that I'm going to wait for her while she makes up her mind.
I'd think she's a typical scorpio in regards of mystery and intrigue. The fact I was far away, to begin with. She used to like picture of me where I look mysterious.
I'm not sure how how to "reseduce" her as you say with the distance factor and with the "no contact" behaviour I've assumed. The first time we met it begun as a friendly conversation about our daily lives, and then you know, questions or topics you make to get to know a person better. At some point we found each other being sweet, romantic and even kinky. Any of these can't be restored now.
Apart from "facebook play" or subtle messages if she contacts me attempting to make her jealous or raising some mystery, there's not really much I can do in the next several weeks.
I'm not sure how how to "reseduce" her as you say with the distance factor and with the "no contact" behaviour I've assumed. The first time we met it begun as a friendly conversation about our daily lives, and then you know, questions or topics you make to get to know a person better. At some point we found each other being sweet, romantic and even kinky. Any of these can't be restored now.
Apart from "facebook play" or subtle messages if she contacts me attempting to make her jealous or raising some mystery, there's not really much I can do in the next several weeks.
@needsmorecoffe...In one year and two months you only saw each other three times. In order for a long distance relationship to work you need to see each other at a minimum of 2-3 times a month for it to work.
DISCLAIMER: If you have built a life with someone, married them (ie Military peeps), this will work.
You met online, chatted and then met only three times in a year. This was bound to happen.
DISCLAIMER: If you have built a life with someone, married them (ie Military peeps), this will work.
You met online, chatted and then met only three times in a year. This was bound to happen.
I agree with LetItB, but only partially. I don't think there's a strict rule. You'd be surprised I had other friends with crazy long distance relationships (LDR), much crazier than mine.
In my case you could feel the transport and intensity that we really wanted to get closer. I know her since 14 months but we developed a romantic relationship in the last 7 months. We spent overall 30 days together close. Close as in live together, eat together, travel together, sleep together (and yeah have 5-6 times sex a day while at it). It may not seem much but the effort taken in between those steps was noticeable. There were work related issues on why we could not have seen each other more often, otherwise we would had without hesitation. Ironically, because we were far apart, probably we were spending more time together every day than a normal couple. I've been in relationship with people in the same neighbourhood and just exchanging a message every day or two sometimes less. But with her, we felt compelled to communicate much more, have frequent skype calls, and so on. It can add excitement too - and perhaps expectations which if are not met yes it may lead to a breakup. But in our case everything was perfect and happy. If something wrong, why not talking it over before pulling the trigger?
The whole point of a LDR is to gradually increase the frequency of meeting up. Which is what I wanted to do from now onwards if she didn't break up with me.
In my case you could feel the transport and intensity that we really wanted to get closer. I know her since 14 months but we developed a romantic relationship in the last 7 months. We spent overall 30 days together close. Close as in live together, eat together, travel together, sleep together (and yeah have 5-6 times sex a day while at it). It may not seem much but the effort taken in between those steps was noticeable. There were work related issues on why we could not have seen each other more often, otherwise we would had without hesitation. Ironically, because we were far apart, probably we were spending more time together every day than a normal couple. I've been in relationship with people in the same neighbourhood and just exchanging a message every day or two sometimes less. But with her, we felt compelled to communicate much more, have frequent skype calls, and so on. It can add excitement too - and perhaps expectations which if are not met yes it may lead to a breakup. But in our case everything was perfect and happy. If something wrong, why not talking it over before pulling the trigger?
The whole point of a LDR is to gradually increase the frequency of meeting up. Which is what I wanted to do from now onwards if she didn't break up with me.
ps and no we did not met online, we met while I was traveling in her city, we spent two days there together as "friends". I think she liked me on sight though.
I think it's just an excuse, 99% of the times they are excuses.
What she said is "You're too good for me". I read that as "You're a very good person, but not good enough for me / not for me". The same goes with "I'd like we could be just friends". It's bullshit that girls say to comfort themselves in not losing a person. In fact she also added "I'm so scared to lose you". It's just the opposite of what they say. They only need validation of what they're doing to comfort their conscience.
She also told me "I don't love you" and "I lost the feeling".
She does not really initiate communication anymore. The only episode was this thing with the item I forgot there and she made quite some effort to find it. She called me at the phone, then later I thanked her on chat. I added something nice to it, not that personal, but there was no response on that.
I fear that acting as a friend would just validate her idea of a friend or a weak partner without dignity nor challenge.
So what do you suggest exactly in this scenario and what has to do with taurus? (yeah sex was great and it's not the number that matters, it was just great and special in many ways)
What she said is "You're too good for me". I read that as "You're a very good person, but not good enough for me / not for me". The same goes with "I'd like we could be just friends". It's bullshit that girls say to comfort themselves in not losing a person. In fact she also added "I'm so scared to lose you". It's just the opposite of what they say. They only need validation of what they're doing to comfort their conscience.
She also told me "I don't love you" and "I lost the feeling".
She does not really initiate communication anymore. The only episode was this thing with the item I forgot there and she made quite some effort to find it. She called me at the phone, then later I thanked her on chat. I added something nice to it, not that personal, but there was no response on that.
I fear that acting as a friend would just validate her idea of a friend or a weak partner without dignity nor challenge.
So what do you suggest exactly in this scenario and what has to do with taurus? (yeah sex was great and it's not the number that matters, it was just great and special in many ways)
Posted by needsmorecoffee
I agree with LetItB, but only partially. I don't think there's a strict rule. You'd be surprised I had other friends with crazy long distance relationships (LDR), much crazier than mine.
In my case you could feel the transport and intensity that we really wanted to get closer. I know her since 14 months but we developed a romantic relationship in the last 7 months. We spent overall 30 days together close. Close as in live together, eat together, travel together, sleep together (and yeah have 5-6 times sex a day while at it).
OK..so in those three visits you spent a total of 30 days in 7 months. Doesn't matter if you are not visiting each other 2-3 times a month. Doesn't matter what you do in the time you are together it's the consistency and amount of time you visit each other.
Posted by needsmorecoffee They only need validation of what they're doing to comfort their conscience.
That validation is consistency and stability none of which you can give her due to your work, travel and distance from her. Move on find someone close to where you land the majority of time. (home)
Either that or make her country your new home.
It definitely was not just a sex story. And she knew I could relocate or I was willing to at some point or see each other more often from this month onwards - whatever I promised her so far, it always happened. She never brought up these two issues. Besides, she's the one who chased me originally. So she knew I was far.
Anyway, yeah, perhaps all the answers are in that "I've lost the feeling". When I told her last time "I love you", she said she wanted to tell me back but couldn't. She mentioned that she needs to be crazy about someone to feel love. She could be immature due to her age and not many relationships and unable to handle the stage after the "falling in love". It could be an head case and as someone pointed out to me, and I should just move on.
What does still make me think of her is what she was and what we were until one month ago. How we met and what we started together, it was not a casual relationship. As I had told her, we still have plenty to discover of each other and any differences could be sorted out. We really didn't have a single issue or disagreement in all these months about anything. To the point I often wondered how come everything was so perfect. Perhaps she kept hidden to me all things negative instead of talking over.
I wanted to meet her to clarify many of these things but I seem unable to. Communication has been crap since she decided to leave me. What I would like most is to meet up, see how we feel, and perhaps talk, even if nothing changes afterwards.
Anyway, yeah, perhaps all the answers are in that "I've lost the feeling". When I told her last time "I love you", she said she wanted to tell me back but couldn't. She mentioned that she needs to be crazy about someone to feel love. She could be immature due to her age and not many relationships and unable to handle the stage after the "falling in love". It could be an head case and as someone pointed out to me, and I should just move on.
What does still make me think of her is what she was and what we were until one month ago. How we met and what we started together, it was not a casual relationship. As I had told her, we still have plenty to discover of each other and any differences could be sorted out. We really didn't have a single issue or disagreement in all these months about anything. To the point I often wondered how come everything was so perfect. Perhaps she kept hidden to me all things negative instead of talking over.
I wanted to meet her to clarify many of these things but I seem unable to. Communication has been crap since she decided to leave me. What I would like most is to meet up, see how we feel, and perhaps talk, even if nothing changes afterwards.
ps I think the trigger were not the words at airport "don't be sad I'll see you soon" etc. Now that I think back again, she might have had some thinking going on during our last two weeks together. Like once told me "you're so good to me, but I'm selfish, I won't be any good to you". Or when I told her the morning before leaving about me relocating for one month somewhere next year to experience the same city together and perhaps live together in a serviced apartment or something: she did not look to me with enthusiasm. What I was trying to tell her, hey I want to get closer and closer to you. But she looked already to have doubts.
Impulsiv, could it be the very opposite, that maybe she does not wish commitment at this age of her and she was not sure already of me so she did not want me to do such radical changes in my life for her?
I posted her chart data earlier, does any of you make something out of it?
Impulsiv, could it be the very opposite, that maybe she does not wish commitment at this age of her and she was not sure already of me so she did not want me to do such radical changes in my life for her?
I posted her chart data earlier, does any of you make something out of it?
@needsmorecoffee,
I drink a lot of coffee. lol.
Just give her time. Scorpio don't like to be push. wait. wait. wait. till she can recover her feelings.
who knows if you add a little bit Mystery to your personality she come crawling.
In dealing a Scorpio woman always understand that this creature are not easy to get. She don't play
hard to get either. It's just it takes time to connect to our emotions.
Posted by IrresistableScorp
Darling, if she said she lost feelings for you then I would believe it and move on. Unless she is extremely immature and a head case--in which case why would you want her anyway?--she is telling you in black and white the deal.
Personally, if I had feelings for someone I would never, ever tell them I don't especially within the confines of an ongoing situation. For me, the words "I don't have feelings for you" precedes leaving you forever. One thing Scorpio will not do is play with their own feelings and we hate it when someone does that to us. We are very straightforward and honest that way when it comes to expressing how we feel. I think you should chalk it up to experience and move on-- hate to say. Sorry.
Someone here pointed out that mars in libra could denote change of feelings.
What she lost is probably the "falling in love" feeling. I think she was unable to cope with what to do next. She only wanted the "crazy for someone" (her words) stage without really trying to go further (and maybe go "crazy together"). I knew I was dealing with someone not too mature in relationships. I could tell she's a bit immature - just I won't write here why I think so.
Years ago I had a similar case (with Pisces... another secretive and difficult sign to me), although under completely different circumstances and history. The person still writes me back after 7-8 years telling how sad she is for what she done to me and that she misses me, while going through letters and memories. But I don't want to have another case like that... It's just too sad when you regret after years and I might have changed or no longer available or distant.
Anyway, to me anyone that goes from love, intensity, passion, caring and dedication to one person to freezing someone out without anything dramatically serious really happened, right after haven seen the person, amputating a relationship and being freezing cold without an explanation or wanting to meet up makes me think of someone immature, confused or god knows what...
yeah I asked myself why I'd want to be with this person. I don't know. Maybe it's my need for answers. Maybe because of that mars in scorpio of mine, or I still have curiosity to discover more of her. Maybe it's because of what there was before, that I was truly happy with her, she made me happy and loved, and I liked everything of her. Or the fact I'd like to know why she was not happy with me to the point of leaving me. If all relationships teach us something, I can't learn the lesson here. It's like failing an exam without being told you why it failed. It feels weird right?
yeah I asked myself why I'd want to be with this person. I don't know. Maybe it's my need for answers. Maybe because of that mars in scorpio of mine, or I still have curiosity to discover more of her. Maybe it's because of what there was before, that I was truly happy with her, she made me happy and loved, and I liked everything of her. Or the fact I'd like to know why she was not happy with me to the point of leaving me. If all relationships teach us something, I can't learn the lesson here. It's like failing an exam without being told you why it failed. It feels weird right?
She called me back today evening. This was the first normal conversation we had in over one month.
She told me how she was doing, and asked me how I was doing. She wanted to tell me about my idea to meet up. She explained that now she can't take leaves now. She told me that maybe somewhere in feb-mar it'd be possible and she would prefer that. She thinks she might travel to my country around. I asked her how about going somewhere different, a third country nearby, a "neutral zone", mentioning something we had during our last trip that maybe didn't turn as we wanted. She said "ok, we'll see".
The overall conversation was "friendly" and the mood "happy". Too friendly really, she no longer called me honey, her feeling to me was just cheerful, too friendly, giving clearly the impression that she was not going after or going to call me again anytime soon again.
Much likely she friendzoned me, even though this idea of the trip together I don't fully get. I don't think she was saying that casually, she also wants to return to me something I accidentally left at her place - if only for that she could send me in a box.
Nevertheless, I'm quite sure she won't go back now.
I guess it's a bit of her scorpio behaviour to be in control. Now she's just "ordering" friendship, but I don't want that from her and I was so much in this relationship that I don't think I want to see her otherwise, now or in future.
@SagMagik, what's your take? I could ignore her and while moving on with my things, wait for feb-mar and see what happens.
She told me how she was doing, and asked me how I was doing. She wanted to tell me about my idea to meet up. She explained that now she can't take leaves now. She told me that maybe somewhere in feb-mar it'd be possible and she would prefer that. She thinks she might travel to my country around. I asked her how about going somewhere different, a third country nearby, a "neutral zone", mentioning something we had during our last trip that maybe didn't turn as we wanted. She said "ok, we'll see".
The overall conversation was "friendly" and the mood "happy". Too friendly really, she no longer called me honey, her feeling to me was just cheerful, too friendly, giving clearly the impression that she was not going after or going to call me again anytime soon again.
Much likely she friendzoned me, even though this idea of the trip together I don't fully get. I don't think she was saying that casually, she also wants to return to me something I accidentally left at her place - if only for that she could send me in a box.
Nevertheless, I'm quite sure she won't go back now.
I guess it's a bit of her scorpio behaviour to be in control. Now she's just "ordering" friendship, but I don't want that from her and I was so much in this relationship that I don't think I want to see her otherwise, now or in future.
@SagMagik, what's your take? I could ignore her and while moving on with my things, wait for feb-mar and see what happens.
Uh...I can give you an answer, but I guess the thread is kind of old and the OP is gone.
It could be one of two things.
The first case being that the infatuation wore off and now she's running away. This is something that I admit I also used to be guilty of when I was younger. Since you say that she started things off really fast, infatuation is a very likely case here. When you're infatuated with someone, everything is magical but when it wears off, the realities start to set in that you're maybe not that into a person as you thought you were. Then suddenly all the sweet things they do for you come off as really pushy and sometimes downright creepy because you don't feel the same way anymore. And she's probably thinking she just wants you to back off but of course that doesn't really make any sense. So here you are doing even more things (writing her letters, sending her gifts) in an effort to try to get closer to her, but the more you do that, the more creeped out she gets as you're showing her how much power she has over you (and in this case that's not a good thing). Scorpios who do not know how to handle this in a mature way tend to just freeze the other person out and run.
The second case could be that she's feeling really insecure about the relationship. It's long distance so that could certainly be a reason for her insecurities. If she's scared that she's going to get hurt, that might lead to her trying to distance herself from you and cut off all emotional attachment in that selfish self-preserving way that we Scorpios do lol.
The first case being that the infatuation wore off and now she's running away. This is something that I admit I also used to be guilty of when I was younger. Since you say that she started things off really fast, infatuation is a very likely case here. When you're infatuated with someone, everything is magical but when it wears off, the realities start to set in that you're maybe not that into a person as you thought you were. Then suddenly all the sweet things they do for you come off as really pushy and sometimes downright creepy because you don't feel the same way anymore. And she's probably thinking she just wants you to back off but of course that doesn't really make any sense. So here you are doing even more things (writing her letters, sending her gifts) in an effort to try to get closer to her, but the more you do that, the more creeped out she gets as you're showing her how much power she has over you (and in this case that's not a good thing). Scorpios who do not know how to handle this in a mature way tend to just freeze the other person out and run.
The second case could be that she's feeling really insecure about the relationship. It's long distance so that could certainly be a reason for her insecurities. If she's scared that she's going to get hurt, that might lead to her trying to distance herself from you and cut off all emotional attachment in that selfish self-preserving way that we Scorpios do lol.
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She's 10 years younger, Libra-Scorpio Cusp, Asc Virgo, Mars in Libra, Venus in Sagittarius, Moon in Leo.
We had a long distance relationship (1000km) between two countries. We bumped in each other casually 14 months ago while I was visiting her country. We kept in touch, but after several weeks we found each other exchanging messages daily and some romance started after few months. I had to be very far away for a few months, so we could only met after 8 months. Once I was back, she really wanted to meet me and took a plane to visit me as soon she could. We kissed at the airport on sight and from then on it was a dream. We spent some beautiful days together. We met once again in another occasion soon thereafter.
I liked her, but at first I was a bit afraid that she was running too fast. I was also a bit concerned about long distance. Yet, she soon started introducing me to her friends, some relatives, even to strangers she would announce she had this wonderful boyfriend and she was so in love with him. Sex was just great and endless, but so were the romantic moments spent together or with friends, she was so sweet to me as no girl had ever been before.
Recently I've finally made it to visit her again in her country. These days were a bit more busy with her and she had to deal with a few engagements or work related issues. Neverthelesss, we managed to spend a beautiful time together once again, full of passion, romance, travel. At the aiport I told her "I love you, don't be sad we'll manage to see each other soon again, I promise". She kissed me intensely and I left.
After few days I was back, she started being cold with me. I originally thought of work related issues so I left her alone. But then she disappeared for 10 days of no communication. At that point I called her to ask what was wrong and she said that something was wrong between us and she wanted to stop. I asked why?? and she replied to me she had "lost the feeling", she could not reply to me "I love you" anymore. But to me that made no sense, she made a lot more to tell me that in many several ways (and she did say that to me verbally in the previous months, just not recently). We had an argument at the phone and later on chat. I insisted we should have met, but from then on she turned so inexplicably cold and difficult to talk about anything, she just doesn't walk to talk about us. I had deleted her fro