Scorpio returning... maybe
This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by RomanticGhostLoaf on Thursday, October 29, 2020 and has 11 replies.
About ten years ago, in my late 20s, I briefly dated an older Scorpio man (gemini moon, cap venus) who I was very into. I was a bit immature, he wasn't as keen and our connection fizzled. We've had sporadic contact over the years but only met up once, about two years ago, for a coffee. He had a girlfriend and they got a 4-year old son.
However, he's now re-entered my life, having split with his gf a year ago. We went on a long date 2,5 weeks ago which was really good, he talked about his life being problematic but that he likes me and that's why he got in touch. We kissed but nothing more.
Since then he's been a bit distant. He called a few days after our date and we had a nice chat, then I called about a week later but it's now been over a week with no contact at all. Last I spoke to him he said that his ex is now threatening to go to court over custody and he's very anxious about it, apologised about it being 'not fun' for me and how he wished things were simpler. We live about an hour apart and there's been no talk of meeting up again (not that that's easy during this pandemic, he's also high risk. Both of us were shielding prior to meeting up)
My question is how to navigate this, and best support him (if that's what he wants). I'm assuming he's just quiet because of the situation with his ex - which would be totally understandable - I keep reading that Scorpios tend to withdraw and need a lot of alone time at the best of times. However, I have been ghosted many times and so am a bit paranoid. Of course I could just ask him what the deal is, but I worry that he'll then decide to call it quits as it's easier. Shall I just leave it be for a bit and give him space to figure things out..? Or maybe it's better to call him & reiterate that I'm here if he needs me? It's not as if we're knee deep into a relationship so I don't want to be overly familiar & pushy either. Help?
However, he's now re-entered my life, having split with his gf a year ago. We went on a long date 2,5 weeks ago which was really good, he talked about his life being problematic but that he likes me and that's why he got in touch. We kissed but nothing more.
Since then he's been a bit distant. He called a few days after our date and we had a nice chat, then I called about a week later but it's now been over a week with no contact at all. Last I spoke to him he said that his ex is now threatening to go to court over custody and he's very anxious about it, apologised about it being 'not fun' for me and how he wished things were simpler. We live about an hour apart and there's been no talk of meeting up again (not that that's easy during this pandemic, he's also high risk. Both of us were shielding prior to meeting up)
My question is how to navigate this, and best support him (if that's what he wants). I'm assuming he's just quiet because of the situation with his ex - which would be totally understandable - I keep reading that Scorpios tend to withdraw and need a lot of alone time at the best of times. However, I have been ghosted many times and so am a bit paranoid. Of course I could just ask him what the deal is, but I worry that he'll then decide to call it quits as it's easier. Shall I just leave it be for a bit and give him space to figure things out..? Or maybe it's better to call him & reiterate that I'm here if he needs me? It's not as if we're knee deep into a relationship so I don't want to be overly familiar & pushy either. Help?
Posted by Arinoaqua
I find the best way to encourage a new relationship when one person is going through something difficult is to be the person that gets their mind off of it. Be the port in the storm so to speak. If you want to reach out then reach out...with a funny story or a song or whatever. Something low pressure. Don’t come at them with heavy talk and questions of what are we and where is this going. Eventually they will seek you out more and more.
Thank you - this resonates with me and intuitively is what I'd like to do, I've just been overthinking it as I don't want to be yet another thing on the stress pile. But will reach out and keep it light. xx
omg i love your username
anyway, i wouldn't trust a scorpio sun/gemini moon is all i'm saying
anyway, i wouldn't trust a scorpio sun/gemini moon is all i'm saying
Posted by LuxePurrThank you, I agree and I would quite like to - but I'm living with an 82-year old lady so have to be very careful about meeting people. The Scorpio feels safe because he is also shielding so minimum risk. But yes, I am still on the apps and am talking to other people. I guess everything is quite slow at the moment... xx
Just let him come to you.
In the meantime, don't put all your eggs in one basket. Date other people, him being distant won't matter to you when you do that unless you guys already agreed to be exclusive.
Posted by dillweedwhen i thought about ever breaking up with the capricorn,Posted by virgoOPPP
omg i love your username
anyway, i wouldn't trust a scorpio sun/gemini moon is all i'm saying
meh i was with a scorp gem mooner for 5.5 years & had no probs
OP just needs to not get her hopes up. dating is rotten for the self esteem.
keep options open but it sounds like this scorp has a lot on his plate.click to expand
i suddenly remembered the horror of dating
but i just can't imagine dating anyone else now
romantic ghost loaf vibes
Posted by RomanticGhostLoaf
However, he's now re-entered my life, having split with his gf a year ago. We went on a long date 2,5 weeks ago which was really good, he talked about his life being problematic but that he likes me and that's why he got in touch. We kissed but nothing more.
Since then he's been a bit distant. He called a few days after our date and we had a nice chat, then I called about a week later but it's now been over a week with no contact at all. Last I spoke to him he said that his ex is now threatening to go to court over custody and he's very anxious about it, apologised about it being 'not fun' for me and how he wished things were simpler. We live about an hour apart and there's been no talk of meeting up again (not that that's easy during this pandemic, he's also high risk. Both of us were shielding prior to meeting up)
My question is how to navigate this, and best support him (if that's what he wants).
I don't think he expects or you owe any support to him. You can if you want to but if you do that to push things forward it may backfire. Also, I think he should put in more effort, he mentioned he liked you and then backed away. His situation with his ex does not seem like he must not be aware of when he met you for the date. I would think best is to let him come back, you can check-in if you feel like but in a detached way that he does not feel you are more interested in him than he is in you. It's really your call. I think he is at fault here for leading you on and then giving relationship issues as an excuse. Maybe it is not an excuse but then he can still reach out as it is not a new situation for him. Or maybe he really needs space to focus on his issues? I know it is hard when a guy shows interest and then makes you think about him more, but the power of how you react is in your own hands.
Posted by LuxePurr
Just let him come to you.
^^ this. I have really started believing, if a guy wants you he will find a way. Guys do not keep ego about going after who they want, nor do they expect a girl to pursue contrary to what we think I guess. That is why we see guys going after girls who make them chase, not saying a girl should make a guy chase, but just her attitude of not being emotionally dependent on him or sitting by waiting for him can make him pursue I think.
I will never understand why people have children with their gfs/bfs if down the line this almost always ends up happening and just complicating life in the future in general. If anything it should be a red flag that they desire unnecessary drama in their lives.
Posted by PhoenixStorm
I have a male Scorpio friend with similar placements, except he has libra moon and cap venus. He gets like this where he withdraws and goes quiet when he’s stressed out and overwhelmed. I would not take it personally. I agree with others to offer to be there for him without being pushy. At the same time, don’t hold your breath or put your life on hold for him.
Thank you - I do get the sense he's completely overwhelmed, and I think he's slow at the best of times anyway. I'm going to get in touch in a bit and see how he's doing. I wish the world didn't feel quite so bleak at the moment, it's making me a bit more invested in this than I'd like at this stage. xx
Posted by colorsPosted by RomanticGhostLoaf
However, he's now re-entered my life, having split with his gf a year ago. We went on a long date 2,5 weeks ago which was really good, he talked about his life being problematic but that he likes me and that's why he got in touch. We kissed but nothing more.
Since then he's been a bit distant. He called a few days after our date and we had a nice chat, then I called about a week later but it's now been over a week with no contact at all. Last I spoke to him he said that his ex is now threatening to go to court over custody and he's very anxious about it, apologised about it being 'not fun' for me and how he wished things were simpler. We live about an hour apart and there's been no talk of meeting up again (not that that's easy during this pandemic, he's also high risk. Both of us were shielding prior to meeting up)
My question is how to navigate this, and best support him (if that's what he wants).
I don't think he expects or you owe any support to him. You can if you want to but if you do that to push things forward it may backfire. Also, I think he should put in more effort, he mentioned he liked you and then backed away. His situation with his ex does not seem like he must not be aware of when he met you for the date. I would think best is to let him come back, you can check-in if you feel like but in a detached way that he does not feel you are more interested in him than he is in you. It's really your call. I think he is at fault here for leading you on and then giving relationship issues as an excuse. Maybe it is not an excuse but then he can still reach out as it is not a new situation for him. Or maybe he really needs space to focus on his issues? I know it is hard when a guy shows interest and then makes you think about him more, but the power of how you react is in your own hands.click to expand
I know what you're saying, and on the whole I agree. I kind of wish he hadn't started this because honestly the world feels so bleak right now and I really liked having a bit of romance on the horizon. And what's the point of saying you like someone and then disappearing, regardless of reason? I mean I've had it happen before so I should be used to it but it just sucks every time. I wouldn't do it to anyone. He might not want to upset me but not having any communication is worse, I'd much rather know where we stand even if it's not the answer I want.
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