Scorpio who won't consummate relationship

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by davesbabygirl on Wednesday, July 19, 2006 and has 41 replies.
OK so we all know about the Scorpio reputation for enjoying sex and what it represents to them. If a Scorpio has gone out of his way NOT to have sex with a woman who is meant to be his girlfriend, does this indicate a possible lack of interest? Other key facts to this scenario are:
1. Scorp + girlfriend were last intimate several years before
2. Scorp + girlffriend have not seen each other in about 4 years
3. Scorp + girlfriend are getting reacuainted with a view to marriage...
The male Scorpio in this scenario is also doing a good job of being distant and basically ignoring his girlfriend (who has said he loves and wishes to marry).
What gives????? Observations, advice, thoughts welcome!!!
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rape him..LOL
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this is STILL bothering me...at my wits' end. My moon is in Aries...patience is not my strong point!!!!!
Should I be tougher and just ignore him??
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Juicy* - I would if I thought it would help! Just not my style ...I believe that certain things (in these particular set of circumstances) should be intiated by the guy...
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your right, i was just joking..sorry sweets =/
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why don't you tell him everything straight out...bc you sound like your getting very fusturated..just tell him straight out, whats bothering you
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*DB shakes his head and drinks a beer*
*closes his eyes and counts down from ten*

lmao
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well...JuiCy* and DB, my greatest fear is that he doesn't desire me AT ALL, and the lack of intimacy is a reflection of that. Then it would meant all the promises which were made by my Scorp were not true. I have also felt that he wouldn't say things to me (marriage, settling down, moving etc) unless he meant them. Before I came for my vacation he was practically begging me to come to US. Now I feel (perhaps expectations too high?) that it may have all been a figment of our imagination...was it all a lie??? And if so, why lie for 9 months?
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Scorp has said things which indicate BOTH that there may be a lack of desire BUT also that he wishes to take time, respects me, etc etc. Wants to 'romance me', almost treat me like new girlfriend (even though we have history). I remember a post some months back I think by DB which indicated that a Scorp who is concealing their emotions will tell lies mixed in with truth in the hopes that people/significant others etc are kept off guard...
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i don't know if this is it...but maybe he didn't know how to tell you that bc he knew you would be let down, and he didn't wan't to be known as a failure in your eyes? Does he have alot of stress going on with work or family anything like that?..
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true, true. I have brought this up AND pushed the issue. the latest answer I got was the whole wanting to romance me thing. However, it doesn't ring true for me. then again i have a deeply suspicious mind. this is something he has done before. I moved on and vowed never to go down this road again. if I only had a penny for how many times i raised this hot/cold issue with him BEFORE coming on this trip!!! And he continuously reassured me. Even when I was nasty to him. So yes, I agree I need to know. But I have continously received the same answer. Is it my problem that I don't believe him? It sounds from what you are both saying that the lack of sex/intimacy is not a good sign...
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& if for some reason he deny's you...punch him in the head, both of them, that should tell him something
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well it really isn't a good sign, just for a man in general...but the more important thing right now is WHY he is doing it, the real reason why.
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JuiCy* and DB, thanks so much for your honest opinions and advice...I am going to drive over to his house very shortly for some answers once and for all...this is tearing me up inside and I need to some kind of resolution. Wish me luck. I will let you know how it all goes. I really don't want to lose this relationship, but I need to know if ultimately I am to move on.
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DB, well put. He just called me a minute ago and got very nervous about the tone of my voice...I hate to admit it, but he does seem to respond to emotional games. Where I have indicated to him that I have had enough...it is only then that he starts to change. He once admitted that he would ultimately like me to fall madly in love with him so that once he is sure, then he will give his heart. Also, one last thing: you know the Scorp tendency never to forget anything?? Well, I wonder whether the lack of intimacy has to do with this: the last time we ********!Stars, (11 years ago), I told him the experience was awful for me. He reminded me of that two days ago. So, is it also a case of once bitten twice shy??? Perhaps I have that effect on him...
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heres a little secret...it's very hard while your in the process of it, but believe me you do see changes if he really meant everything....
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GOODLUCK SWEETIE! =D
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DB
Thanks, hun! :-) I'm off to get mine!! Actually, my Cancer rising means I am sometimes far too timid for my own good...will update you tomorrow...
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JuiCy* - thanks so much hunnie!!!!!! I think you are right...changes will come, but only slowly and at his own pace...
~DBG
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=) NO PROBLEM! =D
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dun dun dun db saves the dayyyy dun dun dun
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Have you ever thought of it as a respect thing? Some Scorpio guys I know won't sleep with you before marriage because they respect you so much and want to save that for marriage. I think its rather nice.
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Breakthrough: No 'nasty' yet (LOL)...but my Scorp finally revealed last night the reason for the hot/cold behaviour. Basically he was punishing me for the surprise and the way it went down. He wanted me all to myself and he resented his mother being involved (I am very close to his Mom and she arranged to take him to restaurant). He wanted our reunion to be private. funny thing is, I know my Scorp so well...and there was a part of me that knew he might not appreciate the surprise panning out in the way that it did. He likes to control outcomes. He confirmed that I took that away from him...he wanted to have me to himself etc etc. So basically he has been sulking and trying to punish me. So when I told him last night that this would not work for me, he revealed all. And yes, Miss Morals, it is partly a respect thing for him. And Rockchick, I thought maybe it was what you mentioned in your post (afraid to end things with me etc), but there has been some progress in that area...just not as quickly as I would have liked (it's that Aries moon of mine again).
So...after I left his place last night, he called me and left the sweetest message reaffirming his feelings and wanting to move forward in the relationship etc. He is just a true Scorp. The sex will come. It will more than likely be at a time and place of his choosing. He wants it to mean something and for it to be special. Not just a bandaid to our problems. I have learned a valuable lesson about his motivations/dislikes/need for control. And he has learned that despite my love for him, I have do have limits.
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myself = himself
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He's a good bloke. Hang onto him. Trust me if a scorp doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, they'll tell you. Its for your own good. We would rather be upfront and honest, then to hurt you by stringing you along. Of course you get the bad apples in every sign..but we are honest people with honest feelings.
ROCK ON Davesbabygirls scorpio!..lol..blimey thats a mouthfull..
In my humble opinion (lol) the slower the scorpio is on the uptake, the longer it will last. This red hot fiery passion thing dies after a while and your left with nothing but feelings of emptyness..(is that how you spell it?)
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Miss Morals
Thanks hun!! I think you're right...in the end, I recognise that my Scorp's willingness to wait indicates that he intends our love to last as long as possible. Funny you should mention the honesty thing. That is really important to him. He mentioned that last night.
I figure you are based in England?? So I am I...but I am in US at the moment (as you will have gathered)...
Cheers!
~DBG
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DB
What part of what rockchick said did you agree with??
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Rockchick ~~i know from my experiance id rather put off breaking someones heart just so i didnt have to explain myself, It hurts me to break it off with someone therefor leaving frusrations in my path~~
I don't agree with this approach. I think once its over, its over..and I have no problems telling the person. I would rather let them know, then to string them along hoping they would get the message. The latter is far more painful. I broke up with my Leo boyfriend of 2/3 years because I just didn't love him anymore and thats exactly what I told him. The cold harsh truth. I am sure he hates me for it..but he still phones every now and then so I guess he's ok..
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I'm hopping in a but late here, but this reminds me VERY much of one of my fav movies: Wirey Spindell. The guys about the get married, and him & his fiance have not been intimate in 9 months. She's freaking, and he's reviewing his life, and how he always avoided anything worth keeping for fear of commitment.
I am familiar with this feeling as well, and I think my scorp babe is too. It's a challenge to reverse those thots, get rid of your insecure habits. It's best to think about why you had those feelings, & why you don't have to feel that way anymore. smile
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taurusgoddess, I have to watch that movie!!! That sounds very much like our situation! He has confirmed it is cold feet..., fear it will all go wrong, etc...
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Check it out! It's hard to find but totally worth it. Not sure if the trailer or reviews really do it justice but see what you think!
http://www.videodetective.com/trailer-preview.asp?customerid=97135&publishedid=848793
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We do indeed..I have a scorpio friend who is like you. She thinks I am the mad crazy one..I am quite mellow as it happens. But very blunt. Theres no point faffing around..get to the point..thats me..
She's the old romantic that one..I wouldn't know romance if it hit me in the face!..lol..apart from receiving flowers..If somebody told me to set the table up for a romantic dinner, I would probably freak out..wouldn't know where the hell to begin..I would hire someone to do it for me Winking
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Try it you might be pleasantly surprised Winking
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Update: I broke up with him...couldn't deal with the mixed messages etc. He is right now TERRIFIED of commitment even though it was always his idea that we get married one day and so forth. We have done this start-stop-start thing so many times over the years and my heart can't take it anymore. When we are far apart, he is full of promises and intense feelings. When we are together, he freezes. He actually told my sister last night (they know each other) that even though he is deeply in love with me, he is afraid that marriage will ultimately mean the end of our relationship and he would rather we didn't than hurt each other. As for the no sex thing, he apparently finds me irresistable (?). Graphic (but positive) things were said regarding his attraction to me...so I don't get it. Perhaps I can respect the fact that he will not sleep with me until he is 100% sure. Well, in my view he has had enough time to play the a*s! He is trying to act like some hard core player (because these are the men he hangs out with who cheat on their wives etc). His examples of manhood are poor. The worse part about it is that he is NOT like that. Everytime I have called him in the past, he is on his own. He says he has not had sex in a couple of years. Don't know if this is true, but he used to say how sorry his neighbours felt for him because he is single etc. I think the thing that hurts me the most is that he keeps talking about the so called "other women" out there. Is he trying to test my reaction? I told him to go to them. But all the love in the world I have for him cannot change the situation. He has to change himself. And that hurts the most of all. So I think I have to move on once and for all. If/when he decides to get his act together, I don't know if I will be around or receptive.
However, he has consistently said he would like us to have a child together. I guess he figures that is the only kind of commitment he can handle or the only part of himself he would like to share.
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He seems slightly confused as to what he wants. I would leave him to it..see what he does.
Not to put a downer on the situation but my friend (pisces) was involved with a scorpio for 2 years..they got engaged, chose the wedding outfits..then he suddenly froze..He couldn't hack it. Left her with no explanation whatsoever..to this day she has not found out what it was.
He was the reclusive type..not that outgoing but he was very different with his male friends..I don't think he ever got over his ex..she was a scorpio..lol..
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missmorals, you are right. he is definitely confused. however, in my case, I am the ex that he cannot get over but also cannot seem to move forward with...
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pluto's muse, thanks for that...I don't know his planets too well. I think his Moon is Sagitarius or Scorpio. Also his Venus is in Taurus. Rising sign I'm not sure of. I think he is acting more like a Sag moon person...(needs freedom etc). I am not clear on exactly how a Sag moon alters/affects a strong Sun in Scorp.
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DB
Thanks...
Will be in touch
-Babygirl
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(((Daves))))
It is the curse of the Scorp-Libra attraction.
I am glad you are no longer buying his BS because that is what it is. I can honestly say this as I am in a very similar situation.
Just this week, 7yrscorp told me he wanted to marry me etc. He has been saying he wants me to have his child for years. (which is kind of funny as I am very libra and having a baby does not turn me on in anyway what. so. ever. lol) But I get the feeling that is suppose to be a hook to keep me close.
If he really believed and wanted that, he would have come to see me in the last three years.
He just wants the fantasy. He doesn't want the reality.
And so it is for you. Don't listen to the excuses ... it would be too intense ... I need more time ... I am afraid, etc.
Listen to the fact that he didn't make an effort to see you in 4 yrs. That is the truth. Whether he knows it or not, you must be the touchstone and the keeper of his reality. You know this relationship isn't what he wants because he has shown you. You have to be stronger than him and remind him of the fact so you both can find your own paths.
You can do it honey.
Much love to you!
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thanxs, little sparrow :-)
It is not really what I want to hear, but I know it is the truth...the truth hurts.
lots of love to you too.
ps - I'm like you...the baby talk does NOTHING for me either (lol). He (and perhaps your Scorp) misses the point entirely: I will be with him whether there are children involved or not.
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Mine really misses the point because I am not sure I even like him anymore since I haven't seen him in so long. lol!
You will be fine honey. Let this one go. If he ever becomes a man, you can consider it, till then onward upaward. chin up. tits out. smile

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