Scorpion Man with Scorpio Woman - Scorp Men & Settling Down

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by natural25 on Wednesday, December 7, 2016 and has 77 replies.
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Hey, hey, hey!

Old head here who hasn't been on here in FOREVER needing a different perspective. I am a Scorpio woman. I have been dating a Scorp man for 1.5 yrs. Things have been going well. In August, I moved to another state which is about 5 hours away from him. Prior to that we used to live 5-10 minutes away from each other and saw each other almost everyday. He is planning to move where I am towards the end of December/beginning of January.

We have been casually talking about marriage and settling down. BUT (there's always a but, lol) he has been going through a few unexpected transitions. He lost his job and has experienced a few financial hardships over the last few months. The new distance between us also added an additional stress to our relationship. We have been getting into more disagreements than we did when we lived closer. None the less, he will be moving here to transfer and finish his graduate work. I know that his financial concerns, and continued disappointment with not getting a job has left him a little depressed and we all know about that Scorp depression. Lol. It aint no joke.

A few nights ago we got into a little spat over NYE. To make a long story bearable, the disagreement made me start to question if he is mentally prepared to get engaged (not right NOW, but..) in the near future... I know he needs to become financially stable, etc. He has several job interviews here coming up that look promising, but I am just concerned that I will look up and years will have passed and we are in the same space.

I am not sure if I should advice him not to move or at the very least tell him we should take a break until he gets things straightened or if I should be patient. Maybe, I need to give him space to get things together...? I cant tell him not to move. After all, he isn't moving in with me - he'll be moving into his own place and I don't own the state. Lol. I am fearful of wasting time.... I am no spring chicken. But I do love the guy and overall I am happy with him... I want him to be happy and I want to support him. I also don't want to lose myself and my needs/desires in the process....

UGHHH!!!!
Posted by Aquemini98
I think that you two should definitely consider taking a break until he gets his shit together (or when you feel that he has). Which he will. I mean, he's a Scorpio after all. If there's one thing that you people are so truly good at in doing, it's bouncing back from some kind, or any kind of an upheaval. In the meantime though, talk it out with him; see where his head is at. Ask him where he sees himself in the next one to two years and then ask him if he sees a sustaining, long-term relationship (possibly, marriage?) in the works between the two of you.
I know that he wants to get married and settle down with me. Or at least he has communicated that to me. It's just a matter of timing...

i thought it was that asshole themagentoreborn resurrecting another post
Posted by Impulsv
How is investing in a relationship wasting time n how is him being down n out make u feel this is how it's going to be. Reality it's a down phase n things will get better when he finds employment.

Shit happens in life n if u can't handle it when things are tough then. Maybe ur not ready n that's ok but him having a bad streak is no reason to dump.

U don't have to marry him now just go with the flow n see what happens
I have no problem with supporting him and being there for him emotionally right now. That's not the issue. I suppose I fear that it will be one of those things where I get to my wits end. Kind of a "shit or get off the pot" type of thing eventually. I suppose there's a fear associated with ensuring that my investment will not result in me being hurt or disappointed in the long run.

Posted by Scrumptious
i thought it was that asshole themagentoreborn resurrecting another post
Huh?
Posted by Aquemini98
Posted by natural25
Posted by Aquemini98
I think that you two should definitely consider taking a break until he gets his shit together (or when you feel that he has). Which he will. I mean, he's a Scorpio after all. If there's one thing that you people are so truly good at in doing, it's bouncing back from some kind, or any kind of an upheaval. In the meantime though, talk it out with him; see where his head is at. Ask him where he sees himself in the next one to two years and then ask him if he sees a sustaining, long-term relationship (possibly, marriage?) in the works between the two of you.
I know that he wants to get married and settle down with me. Or at least he has communicated that to me. It's just a matter of timing...

Who's time are we on here, exactly? His, right? Because...the circumstances are kinda fucked for him at the moment -- or so it sounds like.

click to expand
Yea.... Sad Lord... As of right now it isn't looking so pretty. That said, I know it is temporary, but it is still the current reality.
Hey gurl!!

Good to see you.

Ok let me go read your story...

.
Posted by Aquemini98
Posted by natural25
Posted by Aquemini98
Posted by natural25
Posted by Aquemini98
I think that you two should definitely consider taking a break until he gets his shit together (or when you feel that he has). Which he will. I mean, he's a Scorpio after all. If there's one thing that you people are so truly good at in doing, it's bouncing back from some kind, or any kind of an upheaval. In the meantime though, talk it out with him; see where his head is at. Ask him where he sees himself in the next one to two years and then ask him if he sees a sustaining, long-term relationship (possibly, marriage?) in the works between the two of you.
I know that he wants to get married and settle down with me. Or at least he has communicated that to me. It's just a matter of timing...



Who's time are we on here, exactly? His, right? Because...the circumstances are kinda fucked for him at the moment -- or so it sounds like.

Yea.... Sad Lord... As of right now it isn't looking so pretty. That said, I know it is temporary, but it is still the current reality.
He'll regenerate from this eventually, I'm sure. I know it, in fact. Just outta curiosity...what are his placements in the moon, mars, venus and ascendant? I wanna know just to know.

click to expand
Im terrible. I knew his info months ago and forgot it. Along with his birth time. Don't judge.. I was writing a dissertation at the time. Ha! I just did his birth chart on cafe astrology sans his time of birth. That said:

Moon: Virgo

Mercury: Libra

Venus: Libra

Mars: Aries
Posted by DMV
Hey gurl!!

Good to see you.

Ok let me go read your story...

.


Hey girl heeeeey....
Ok. If "Insecure" has taught us anything is that we need more communication with our partners and less wondering about how they feel about themselves, us, and the relationship.

Id say be supportive. Many times us women want the finished product and men want us to build with them.

Give him some time to get it together. He will love you even more for it.

Wait and see how the things work out with his job. If things aren't going well then its time to have a sit down.

Scorpios love people who have the toughness to see things through.
Posted by DMV
Ok. If "Insecure" has taught us anything is that we need more communication with our partners and less wondering about how they feel about themselves, us, and the relationship.

Id say be supportive. Many times us women want the finished product and men want us to build with them.

Give him some time to get it together. He will love you even more for it.

Wait and see how the things work out with his job. If things aren't going well then its time to have a sit down.

Scorpios love people who have the toughness to see things through.
Chiiile... Insecure is another thread all in of its own. Lol.

Ugh. The thing is... He is showing some selfish traits... Well, more like a bit immature. We got into it over NYE because, he mentioned to me on Saturday that he is be doing something with his fraternity on NYE. Huh??? What are we, 21?? That sounds crazy! We have spent every holiday together, he is about to move here to be with me, and he is talking about spending NYE with his friends??? What man who is "ready" doesn't want to be with his s/o on NYE. He That sounds immature and "not ready". That is the kind of mess that SCARES me!!!

Posted by natural25
Posted by DMV
Ok. If "Insecure" has taught us anything is that we need more communication with our partners and less wondering about how they feel about themselves, us, and the relationship.

Id say be supportive. Many times us women want the finished product and men want us to build with them.

Give him some time to get it together. He will love you even more for it.

Wait and see how the things work out with his job. If things aren't going well then its time to have a sit down.

Scorpios love people who have the toughness to see things through.
Chiiile... Insecure is another thread all in of its own. Lol.

Ugh. The thing is... He is showing some selfish traits... Well, more like a bit immature. We got into it over NYE because, he mentioned to me on Saturday that he is be doing something with his fraternity on NYE. Huh??? What are we, 21?? That sounds crazy! We have spent every holiday together, he is about to move here to be with me, and he is talking about spending NYE with his friends??? What man who is "ready" doesn't want to be with his s/o on NYE. He That sounds immature and "not ready". That is the kind of mess that SCARES me!!!

click to expand
Ok. So you have to know that is his insecurity talking. He probably feels your apprehension with him and the relationship.

His wanting to spend NYE with his boys is him trying to save face from not being able to really have a financially awesome NYE. Being around his boys can give him an ego boost but also open the door up to more insecurities.
As a venus in capricorn, i get why youre feeling this way and your post.
Aquemini98 - Asc: Virgo, Moon: Libra, Venus: Sag, & Mars: Vrigo

DMV - I don't know... But I do know it is hurtful. And I am apprehensive (really) because of THIS kind of crap! Every holiday we have spent together and now your'e talking about NYE with your friends!?! We are supposed to be in a serious committed relationship. I feel like I am 20 years old again. Furthermore, he should be coming to me with plans or expressing a desire to bring in the new year with me. Not the other way around. I really didn't go back and forth much about it, because I did not want to put myself in a position where I am "begging" him to spend NYE with me. That's a little pathetic... Smh. Ugh... Idk.
Hey natural, how are you (I used to be Starlover before i transformed into MyStars)

I don't have any advice for you....but i do understand how you feel about the NYE thing....seems he needs some freedom to be with his friends. Maybe you have an *alternative* celebration....you with your mates and he with his......but i know you would probably hate that....hope you get it sorted

xoxoxo
Posted by natural25


We have been casually talking about marriage and settling down....I know that his financial concerns, and continued disappointment with not getting a job has left him a little depressed...

A few nights ago we got into a little spat over NYE. To make a long story bearable, the disagreement made me start to question if he is mentally prepared to get engaged (not right NOW, but..) in the near future... I know he needs to become financially stable, etc. He has several job interviews here coming up that look promising, but I am just concerned that I will look up and years will have passed and we are in the same space.

I am not sure if I should advice him not to move or at the very least tell him we should take a break until he gets things straightened or if I should be patient. Maybe, I need to give him space to get things together...?



Goodbye Hey stranger. Welcome back (sort of since you dust delete).

As for your question, what has led you to question his ability to commit to you fully through marriage? You need to ask yourself where "I don't think he'll be ready to settle down" is coming from. Prior to losing his job was this even a concern? It doesn't sound like it. While I believe I understand where your fears are coming from you advising him not to come as planned could be read as you giving up on him, which will be another blow. He's probably already very critical of himself (e.g. the depressed state he's in) and he probably wants to know you're in his corner.

Anyway, what did the man say to cause you to doubt him?

Posted by MyStarsShine
Hey natural, how are you (I used to be Starlover before i transformed into MyStars)

I don't have any advice for you....but i do understand how you feel about the NYE thing....seems he needs some freedom to be with his friends. Maybe you have an *alternative* celebration....you with your mates and he with his......but i know you would probably hate that....hope you get it sorted

xoxoxo
Hiiiiii!! How are you??

Yes... It just feels so rejecting. Why wouldn't he want to spend New Years with me?? Not saying that I'm the bomb. Ha! I am saying this because we are in a serious relationship. I feel that these sort of things should come natural. Smh.
Posted by natural25
Posted by MyStarsShine
Hey natural, how are you (I used to be Starlover before i transformed into MyStars)

I don't have any advice for you....but i do understand how you feel about the NYE thing....seems he needs some freedom to be with his friends. Maybe you have an *alternative* celebration....you with your mates and he with his......but i know you would probably hate that....hope you get it sorted

xoxoxo
Hiiiiii!! How are you??

Yes... It just feels so rejecting. Why wouldn't he want to spend New Years with me?? Not saying that I'm the bomb. Ha! I am saying this because we are in a serious relationship. I feel that these sort of things should come natural. Smh.
click to expand
smile I am good thanks love. I would feel totally the same...it is difficult though...it sounds like there is some need to take a little space. The thing is, it makes it worse when you put the pressure on, doesn't it? I know it is hurtful, but maybe you go along with his plan, but tell him you would love to spend the holiday with him but want him to be happy too. Did you ever hear that expression *time reveals a person's heart*?

Stand back if you can and let him work things out and come to you when he is ready

xoxo

Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by natural25


We have been casually talking about marriage and settling down....I know that his financial concerns, and continued disappointment with not getting a job has left him a little depressed...

A few nights ago we got into a little spat over NYE. To make a long story bearable, the disagreement made me start to question if he is mentally prepared to get engaged (not right NOW, but..) in the near future... I know he needs to become financially stable, etc. He has several job interviews here coming up that look promising, but I am just concerned that I will look up and years will have passed and we are in the same space.

I am not sure if I should advice him not to move or at the very least tell him we should take a break until he gets things straightened or if I should be patient. Maybe, I need to give him space to get things together...?



Goodbye Hey stranger. Welcome back (sort of since you dust delete).

As for your question, what has led you to question his ability to commit to you fully through marriage? You need to ask yourself where "I don't think he'll be ready to settle down" is coming from. Prior to losing his job was this even a concern? It doesn't sound like it. While I believe I understand where your fears are coming from you advising him not to come as planned could be read as you giving up on him, which will be another blow. He's probably already very critical of himself (e.g. the depressed state he's in) and he probably wants to know you're in his corner.

Anyway, what did the man say to cause you to doubt him?

click to expand
Hi girly!

If he goes through with this entire "NYE with the boys" night it will cause a HUGE inconvenience for me. I am flying home for the holidays on the 22nd and he is supposed to fly to Cali to meet me on the 26th. Although, I have grown fairly close to his family this will be his first time meeting my family. We are supposed to fly back on a red eye on the night of the 30th and land in Chicago on 12/31 at 5am. His parents and family live in Chicago, but I live 5 hours away. I was thinking I would spend the night then rent a car and drive home either on Jan 1 or 2.

He claims he misunderstood when he gave me his CC info to purchase his ticket for the flight back. He knows doggone well I was clear because I am always clear when it comes to business. Anyways, this along with smaller random things make me fear that there is a certain immaturity and selfishness there. When we talked about all of this why not say, "don't worry about changing flights. It's not that serious. In fact, I want to be with you, Ill work it out." Period. Why put your s/o through all that? As the man, handle it! Whether it be going to your event with your friends for a shorter amount of time, etc. Is it that serious!??

Posted by Seraphlight
If you love him and he loves you and you are kind to each other. Then for me that would be all that mattered.


The love thing can sometimes be a bit dodgy, as people have different perceptions of it, but a big yes to kindness, without that then there aint much of a relationship ... consideration and respect are good too

smile

Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by natural25
Posted by MyStarsShine
Hey natural, how are you (I used to be Starlover before i transformed into MyStars)

I don't have any advice for you....but i do understand how you feel about the NYE thing....seems he needs some freedom to be with his friends. Maybe you have an *alternative* celebration....you with your mates and he with his......but i know you would probably hate that....hope you get it sorted

xoxoxo
Hiiiiii!! How are you??

Yes... It just feels so rejecting. Why wouldn't he want to spend New Years with me?? Not saying that I'm the bomb. Ha! I am saying this because we are in a serious relationship. I feel that these sort of things should come natural. Smh.
smile I am good thanks love. I would feel totally the same...it is difficult though...it sounds like there is some need to take a little space. The thing is, it makes it worse when you put the pressure on, doesn't it? I know it is hurtful, but maybe you go along with his plan, but tell him you would love to spend the holiday with him but want him to be happy too. Did you ever hear that expression *time reveals a person's heart*?

Stand back if you can and let him work things out and come to you when he is ready

xoxo

click to expand
Very true... I fear that then this kind of thing might become a norm. But I always have the ability to walk away if it does...

Posted by Seraphlight
If you love him and he loves you and you are kind to each other. Then for me that would be all that mattered.
I love this! Thank you. The thing is that I honestly do not feel his behavior is being kind to me... With this isolated situation.
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by Seraphlight
If you love him and he loves you and you are kind to each other. Then for me that would be all that mattered.


The love thing can sometimes be a bit dodgy, as people have different perceptions of it, but a big yes to kindness, without that then there aint much of a relationship ... consideration and respect are good too

smile

click to expand
Riiiiight and the consideration part is where I feel I am being neglected.

Posted by natural25
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by Seraphlight
If you love him and he loves you and you are kind to each other. Then for me that would be all that mattered.


The love thing can sometimes be a bit dodgy, as people have different perceptions of it, but a big yes to kindness, without that then there aint much of a relationship ... consideration and respect are good too

smile

Riiiiight and the consideration part is where I feel I am being neglected.

click to expand
Yes i understand that

I guess all you can do for now is explain to him how you feel (even though you did before) and see what happens. There is only a couple of weeks to go until Xmas......maybe in your mind you make plans for yourself in case he decides to carry on with his own plans

It's bloody tough i know love...been there and learned a huge lesson from it, and as you know......all things for a reason...whatever that reason may be

(((hugs)))
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by natural25
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by Seraphlight
If you love him and he loves you and you are kind to each other. Then for me that would be all that mattered.


The love thing can sometimes be a bit dodgy, as people have different perceptions of it, but a big yes to kindness, without that then there aint much of a relationship ... consideration and respect are good too

smile

Riiiiight and the consideration part is where I feel I am being neglected.

Yes i understand that

I guess all you can do for now is explain to him how you feel (even though you did before) and see what happens. There is only a couple of weeks to go until Xmas......maybe in your mind you make plans for yourself in case he decides to carry on with his own plans

It's bloody tough i know love...been there and learned a huge lesson from it, and as you know......all things for a reason...whatever that reason may be

(((hugs)))
click to expand
And yet, I feel like by doing that, I am begging him to be with me... It's insane! He CHASED me!! This is actually the first time he's done something like this. Idk. I am tempted to just make plans of my own and be done with it...
Posted by natural25
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by natural25
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by Seraphlight
If you love him and he loves you and you are kind to each other. Then for me that would be all that mattered.


The love thing can sometimes be a bit dodgy, as people have different perceptions of it, but a big yes to kindness, without that then there aint much of a relationship ... consideration and respect are good too

smile

Riiiiight and the consideration part is where I feel I am being neglected.

Yes i understand that

I guess all you can do for now is explain to him how you feel (even though you did before) and see what happens. There is only a couple of weeks to go until Xmas......maybe in your mind you make plans for yourself in case he decides to carry on with his own plans

It's bloody tough i know love...been there and learned a huge lesson from it, and as you know......all things for a reason...whatever that reason may be

(((hugs)))
And yet, I feel like by doing that, I am begging him to be with me... It's insane! He CHASED me!! This is actually the first time he's done something like this. Idk. I am tempted to just make plans of my own and be done with it...
click to expand
Always, my dear in life ~ ~ have a Plan B Winking

I now never depend on anyone for my happiness....Christ knows i did all of my life, but not now and i feel so much more relaxed
Seraphlight - The issues is not his finances. The issues is: 1) how his finances has impacted HIM being in a funk and not being ready to settle down and 2) making a decision that I feel is inconsiderate and cause me a HUGE inconvenience.

The financial issue I know will work itself out and I am not too worried about it at all. I am concerned that his recent behavior is a sign of a more immature side of him - "I want to do what I want to do in spite of how it impacts you". I am being dramatic because I know he loves me and he HAS been there for me, but he IS showing me another side of himself... And does a man who is ready or semi-ready to settle down (getting engaged/married) with a woman really want to spend NYE away from the woman he wants to settle down with and instead spend it with his friends? It just seems a little immature...
Don't let your expectation or fantasy for the holidays ruin your relationship.

Yes you have alot going on but be flexible with scheduling.
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by natural25
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by natural25
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by Seraphlight
If you love him and he loves you and you are kind to each other. Then for me that would be all that mattered.


The love thing can sometimes be a bit dodgy, as people have different perceptions of it, but a big yes to kindness, without that then there aint much of a relationship ... consideration and respect are good too

smile

Riiiiight and the consideration part is where I feel I am being neglected.

Yes i understand that

I guess all you can do for now is explain to him how you feel (even though you did before) and see what happens. There is only a couple of weeks to go until Xmas......maybe in your mind you make plans for yourself in case he decides to carry on with his own plans

It's bloody tough i know love...been there and learned a huge lesson from it, and as you know......all things for a reason...whatever that reason may be

(((hugs)))
And yet, I feel like by doing that, I am begging him to be with me... It's insane! He CHASED me!! This is actually the first time he's done something like this. Idk. I am tempted to just make plans of my own and be done with it...
Always, my dear in life ~ ~ have a Plan B Winking

I now never depend on anyone for my happiness....Christ knows i did all of my life, but not now and i feel so much more relaxed
click to expand
Amen to this!
Posted by Reincarnation
Posted by natural25
Hey, hey, hey!

Old head here who hasn't been on here in FOREVER needing a different perspective. I am a Scorpio woman. I have been dating a Scorp man for 1.5 yrs. Things have been going well. In August, I moved to another state which is about 5 hours away from him. Prior to that we used to live 5-10 minutes away from each other and saw each other almost everyday. He is planning to move where I am towards the end of December/beginning of January.

We have been casually talking about marriage and settling down. BUT (there's always a but, lol) he has been going through a few unexpected transitions. He lost his job and has experienced a few financial hardships over the last few months. The new distance between us also added an additional stress to our relationship. We have been getting into more disagreements than we did when we lived closer. None the less, he will be moving here to transfer and finish his graduate work. I know that his financial concerns, and continued disappointment with not getting a job has left him a little depressed and we all know about that Scorp depression. Lol. It aint no joke.

A few nights ago we got into a little spat over NYE. To make a long story bearable, the disagreement made me start to question if he is mentally prepared to get engaged (not right NOW, but..) in the near future... I know he needs to become financially stable, etc. He has several job interviews here coming up that look promising, but I am just concerned that I will look up and years will have passed and we are in the same space.

I am not sure if I should advice him not to move or at the very least tell him we should take a break until he gets things straightened or if I should be patient. Maybe, I need to give him space to get things together...? I cant tell him not to move. After all, he isn't moving in with me - he'll be moving into his own place and I don't own the state. Lol. I am fearful of wasting time.... I am no spring chicken. But I do love the guy and overall I am happy with him... I want him to be happy and I want to support him. I also don't want to lose myself and my needs/desires in the process....

UGHHH!!!!


Be selfish with your time if your intuition sees no future with him.

Be aware though that if you take "a break" with Scorp man, there is no going back.
click to expand
I don't think there is no future with him. I think it is possible to have a future being married to him. I am just unsure of the timing.
DMV - But really.... His fraternity brothers???! Really? I understand what you're saying but.. Man! Ugh.
Posted by Seraphlight
You can then spend time with people who truly just make you happy :-)
Seems to be a good idea smile

Posted by Seraphlight
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by Seraphlight
You can then spend time with people who truly just make you happy :-)
Seems to be a good idea smile

It really is. Just pick well. :-)
click to expand
I have and i do....thanks smile

All the people in my life are very precious



Posted by Seraphlight
He is who is and is in the situation he is ...you either accept him and love him or you don't.
This is a great lesson to learn

Scorpios (in general) like to be in control of things and stepping back can be like pulling teeth lol but once you do, life becomes very easy

We have control over no person except ourselves

Seraphlight - With all due respect, my maturity in relationship to getting married is not up for debate nor is the issue. It is easy to say, "he is who is and is in the situation he is ...you either accept him and love him or you don't." That is currently what I am wrestling with, because unfortunately, life is not so black and white. Yes, he is who he is. Right now, he is not ready. He recently made a decision that I do not agree with and I feel was/is inconsiderate which adds to my concern. That said, he has made tons of other thoughtful decisions that have contributed to my happiness. So, currently I am weighing things out, because again, feelings, and relationships are not so cut and dry. Well, not for me at least...

Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by Seraphlight
He is who is and is in the situation he is ...you either accept him and love him or you don't.
This is a great lesson to learn

Scorpios (in general) like to be in control of things and stepping back can be like pulling teeth lol but once you do, life becomes very easy

We have control over no person except ourselves

click to expand
I am not trying to control him. I think there is a difference between trying to control a person and expressing disappointment and hurt. I am actually expressing my feelings here on the board... Venting. Not trying to control him. Just venting and wanted to get alternative perspectives before discussing this with him further later tonight. I guess I got alternative perspectives. Ha!
Have you asked him why he wants to spend NYE with his fraternity brothers? And when they made those plans?

I understand where you are coming from and the answer to those two questions would weigh heavily in my response.
Posted by DMV
Ok. If "Insecure" has taught us anything is that we need more communication with our partners and less wondering about how they feel about themselves, us, and the relationship.

Id say be supportive. Many times us women want the finished product and men want us to build with them.

Give him some time to get it together. He will love you even more for it.

Wait and see how the things work out with his job. If things aren't going well then its time to have a sit down.

Scorpios love people who have the toughness to see things through.


This.

Posted by Loladoll
Have you asked him why he wants to spend NYE with his fraternity brothers? And when they made those plans?

I understand where you are coming from and the answer to those two questions would weigh heavily in my response.
He said that this is a tradition that him and his fraternity brothers have had for years but they have not done it in the last year or so because a few of them moved away. The ones who have moved will be in Chicago to visit for the holidays this year.
Posted by DivaCanLeo
I skimmed through your posts.

1) Can you not still stay at his families in Chicago

2) Are there no others you can hang out with in Chicago for new years eve

3) Can't you hang out with his man and his boys no NYE

4) This all sounds like a hot mess

i wanted to say you're acting very needy ...

but he's being selfish.

i wouldn't trust him


Hmmm.... Well, (lol) I don't think I am acting needy at all. If anything he is the one typically inviting me to stuff, etc. If he would have told me about this prior to me purchasing my plane ticket (etc.), I wouldn't be as upset. But he didn't. So, he's (for now) placed me in a bad position and that is my concern. The lack of consideration and selfishness to the inconvenience this might cause me is what is tripping me up. And I do love holidays! I do. I have to admit that. So, that is another piece of it.

I haven't had a chance to speak with him for an uninterrupted amount of time because I was actually at a conference and just got back today. So, tonight I will see what he says....

Posted by natural25
Posted by DMV
Ok. If "Insecure" has taught us anything is that we need more communication with our partners and less wondering about how they feel about themselves, us, and the relationship.

Id say be supportive. Many times us women want the finished product and men want us to build with them.

Give him some time to get it together. He will love you even more for it.

Wait and see how the things work out with his job. If things aren't going well then its time to have a sit down.

Scorpios love people who have the toughness to see things through.
Chiiile... Insecure is another thread all in of its own. Lol.

Ugh. The thing is... He is showing some selfish traits... Well, more like a bit immature. We got into it over NYE because, he mentioned to me on Saturday that he is be doing something with his fraternity on NYE. Huh??? What are we, 21?? That sounds crazy! We have spent every holiday together, he is about to move here to be with me, and he is talking about spending NYE with his friends??? What man who is "ready" doesn't want to be with his s/o on NYE. He That sounds immature and "not ready". That is the kind of mess that SCARES me!!!

click to expand


Hmmmm *looks away* I guess I'm the only way that see it differently. You wrote it yourself, you spend every holiday together and will spend many more together. He's also moving close to you, one night is not an indication of immaturity---unless I'm missing something hon.

Does he get to see his frat brothers often?
Posted by natural25
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by Seraphlight
He is who is and is in the situation he is ...you either accept him and love him or you don't.
This is a great lesson to learn

Scorpios (in general) like to be in control of things and stepping back can be like pulling teeth lol but once you do, life becomes very easy

We have control over no person except ourselves

I am not trying to control him. I think there is a difference between trying to control a person and expressing disappointment and hurt. I am actually expressing my feelings here on the board... Venting. Not trying to control him. Just venting and wanted to get alternative perspectives before discussing this with him further later tonight. I guess I got alternative perspectives. Ha!
click to expand


I think the control thing was referring to my former self Tongue

Let us know what he says

Good Luck, x

PR - Awww I remember you were always so logical and reasonable... Yes, this is the first holiday we would be spending apart. Smh. Hmmm...

MyStars - LOL. Thank you, sweet pea! This is just nerve racking. You know... I am already kind of dreading the holiday season a bit. It's the anniversary of my parents passing (12/15 and 12/18) and for some reason it's kinda bothering me more this year. Grrrr....
Posted by PhoenixRising
Does he get to see his frat brothers often?
No, he doesn't really. Very rarely. Maybe a few times a year, if that. Well, technically one of his fraternity brothers lives in the same city as he does and they see each other every few weeks but the rest live away.

Posted by natural25
Posted by Loladoll
Have you asked him why he wants to spend NYE with his fraternity brothers? And when they made those plans?

I understand where you are coming from and the answer to those two questions would weigh heavily in my response.
He said that this is a tradition that him and his fraternity brothers have had for years but they have not done it in the last year or so because a few of them moved away. The ones who have moved will be in Chicago to visit for the holidays this year.
click to expand
Gotcha. Sounds last minute for them but something he really wants to do.

I think the stress of other things is making this hold more significance than it warrants.

That's said: Let him know it's not okay to inconvenience you. He needs to let you know ahead of time if he has other plans for holidays that you typically send with you s/o or family so you can make plans accordingly. Also, that you'd like to meet his frat brothers if they are close and/ or do something with him that day.

And if you can afford it, change your flight to something that works better for you so you can have an awesome NYE too.

Posted by natural25
PR - Awww I remember you were always so logical and reasonable... Yes, this is the first holiday we would be spending apart. Smh. Hmmm...

MyStars - LOL. Thank you, sweet pea! This is just nerve racking. You know... I am already kind of dreading the holiday season a bit. It's the anniversary of my parents passing (12/15 and 12/18) and for some reason it's kinda bothering me more this year. Grrrr....


Oh no Sad. That is sad to read....I know how that feels, losing your mum and dad. Try and make sure you have good support around you if possible. Do you have other family and good friends to spend time with?

Maybe plan something nice for yourself too....a treat. I often book a spa day or hotel break or a night out with my mad friends Tongue xx

Loladoll - Yes, I will talk to him... But I **am** leaning towards just making alternate plans, period. I will still share with him how I feel, but proceed with my own plans.

MyStars - Oh, it's OK! It's life. But, thank you!!!! Yes, I do have other family. Thats who he is supposed to be meeting when he comes with me to California. I am actually talking to one of my friends on the phone now making alternate arrangements for NYE or at least attempting to do so.
Posted by tiziani
Damn, things got serious with you natural lol Good luck
Lol. Thanks, but you see this mess I am in now. Ha! I am being dramatic... but still...
Posted by tiziani
OK, I read the thread and I didn't really understand where the "he's not ready for a commitment" part comes from.

If you're afraid you won't like where this is headed or you feel there's a lack of consideration for you in the relationship, it should be ok to just say that to each other. That's probably the simplest measure of committing to one another right here, right now rather than bringing it into the realm of ideas about who's ready and who isn't. That's the best I can say. I think others have more or less said something similar.
Agreed. I definitely plan on sharing my feelings with him. We have not gotten a chance to talk about it in detail because I have been at a conference. I home now and tonight will be the night. Lol.
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