Posted by Aquemini98I know that he wants to get married and settle down with me. Or at least he has communicated that to me. It's just a matter of timing...
I think that you two should definitely consider taking a break until he gets his shit together (or when you feel that he has). Which he will. I mean, he's a Scorpio after all. If there's one thing that you people are so truly good at in doing, it's bouncing back from some kind, or any kind of an upheaval. In the meantime though, talk it out with him; see where his head is at. Ask him where he sees himself in the next one to two years and then ask him if he sees a sustaining, long-term relationship (possibly, marriage?) in the works between the two of you.
Posted by ImpulsvI have no problem with supporting him and being there for him emotionally right now. That's not the issue. I suppose I fear that it will be one of those things where I get to my wits end. Kind of a "shit or get off the pot" type of thing eventually. I suppose there's a fear associated with ensuring that my investment will not result in me being hurt or disappointed in the long run.
How is investing in a relationship wasting time n how is him being down n out make u feel this is how it's going to be. Reality it's a down phase n things will get better when he finds employment.
Shit happens in life n if u can't handle it when things are tough then. Maybe ur not ready n that's ok but him having a bad streak is no reason to dump.
U don't have to marry him now just go with the flow n see what happens
Posted by ScrumptiousHuh?
i thought it was that asshole themagentoreborn resurrecting another post
Posted by Aquemini98Yea.... Lord... As of right now it isn't looking so pretty. That said, I know it is temporary, but it is still the current reality.Posted by natural25Who's time are we on here, exactly? His, right? Because...the circumstances are kinda fucked for him at the moment -- or so it sounds like.Posted by Aquemini98I know that he wants to get married and settle down with me. Or at least he has communicated that to me. It's just a matter of timing...
I think that you two should definitely consider taking a break until he gets his shit together (or when you feel that he has). Which he will. I mean, he's a Scorpio after all. If there's one thing that you people are so truly good at in doing, it's bouncing back from some kind, or any kind of an upheaval. In the meantime though, talk it out with him; see where his head is at. Ask him where he sees himself in the next one to two years and then ask him if he sees a sustaining, long-term relationship (possibly, marriage?) in the works between the two of you.click to expand
Posted by Aquemini98Im terrible. I knew his info months ago and forgot it. Along with his birth time. Don't judge.. I was writing a dissertation at the time. Ha! I just did his birth chart on cafe astrology sans his time of birth. That said:Posted by natural25He'll regenerate from this eventually, I'm sure. I know it, in fact. Just outta curiosity...what are his placements in the moon, mars, venus and ascendant? I wanna know just to know.Posted by Aquemini98Yea.... Lord... As of right now it isn't looking so pretty. That said, I know it is temporary, but it is still the current reality.Posted by natural25Posted by Aquemini98I know that he wants to get married and settle down with me. Or at least he has communicated that to me. It's just a matter of timing...
I think that you two should definitely consider taking a break until he gets his shit together (or when you feel that he has). Which he will. I mean, he's a Scorpio after all. If there's one thing that you people are so truly good at in doing, it's bouncing back from some kind, or any kind of an upheaval. In the meantime though, talk it out with him; see where his head is at. Ask him where he sees himself in the next one to two years and then ask him if he sees a sustaining, long-term relationship (possibly, marriage?) in the works between the two of you.
Who's time are we on here, exactly? His, right? Because...the circumstances are kinda fucked for him at the moment -- or so it sounds like.click to expand
Posted by DMV
Hey gurl!!
Good to see you.
Ok let me go read your story...
.
Posted by DMVChiiile... Insecure is another thread all in of its own. Lol.
Ok. If "Insecure" has taught us anything is that we need more communication with our partners and less wondering about how they feel about themselves, us, and the relationship.
Id say be supportive. Many times us women want the finished product and men want us to build with them.
Give him some time to get it together. He will love you even more for it.
Wait and see how the things work out with his job. If things aren't going well then its time to have a sit down.
Scorpios love people who have the toughness to see things through.
Posted by natural25Ok. So you have to know that is his insecurity talking. He probably feels your apprehension with him and the relationship.Posted by DMVChiiile... Insecure is another thread all in of its own. Lol.
Ok. If "Insecure" has taught us anything is that we need more communication with our partners and less wondering about how they feel about themselves, us, and the relationship.
Id say be supportive. Many times us women want the finished product and men want us to build with them.
Give him some time to get it together. He will love you even more for it.
Wait and see how the things work out with his job. If things aren't going well then its time to have a sit down.
Scorpios love people who have the toughness to see things through.
Ugh. The thing is... He is showing some selfish traits... Well, more like a bit immature. We got into it over NYE because, he mentioned to me on Saturday that he is be doing something with his fraternity on NYE. Huh??? What are we, 21?? That sounds crazy! We have spent every holiday together, he is about to move here to be with me, and he is talking about spending NYE with his friends??? What man who is "ready" doesn't want to be with his s/o on NYE. He That sounds immature and "not ready". That is the kind of mess that SCARES me!!!click to expand
Posted by natural25
We have been casually talking about marriage and settling down....I know that his financial concerns, and continued disappointment with not getting a job has left him a little depressed...
A few nights ago we got into a little spat over NYE. To make a long story bearable, the disagreement made me start to question if he is mentally prepared to get engaged (not right NOW, but..) in the near future... I know he needs to become financially stable, etc. He has several job interviews here coming up that look promising, but I am just concerned that I will look up and years will have passed and we are in the same space.
I am not sure if I should advice him not to move or at the very least tell him we should take a break until he gets things straightened or if I should be patient. Maybe, I need to give him space to get things together...?
Posted by MyStarsShineHiiiiii!! How are you??
Hey natural, how are you (I used to be Starlover before i transformed into MyStars)
I don't have any advice for you....but i do understand how you feel about the NYE thing....seems he needs some freedom to be with his friends. Maybe you have an *alternative* celebration....you with your mates and he with his......but i know you would probably hate that....hope you get it sorted
xoxoxo
Posted by natural25I am good thanks love. I would feel totally the same...it is difficult though...it sounds like there is some need to take a little space. The thing is, it makes it worse when you put the pressure on, doesn't it? I know it is hurtful, but maybe you go along with his plan, but tell him you would love to spend the holiday with him but want him to be happy too. Did you ever hear that expression *time reveals a person's heart*?Posted by MyStarsShineHiiiiii!! How are you??
Hey natural, how are you (I used to be Starlover before i transformed into MyStars)
I don't have any advice for you....but i do understand how you feel about the NYE thing....seems he needs some freedom to be with his friends. Maybe you have an *alternative* celebration....you with your mates and he with his......but i know you would probably hate that....hope you get it sorted
xoxoxo
Yes... It just feels so rejecting. Why wouldn't he want to spend New Years with me?? Not saying that I'm the bomb. Ha! I am saying this because we are in a serious relationship. I feel that these sort of things should come natural. Smh.click to expand
Posted by PhoenixRisingHi girly!Posted by natural25
We have been casually talking about marriage and settling down....I know that his financial concerns, and continued disappointment with not getting a job has left him a little depressed...
A few nights ago we got into a little spat over NYE. To make a long story bearable, the disagreement made me start to question if he is mentally prepared to get engaged (not right NOW, but..) in the near future... I know he needs to become financially stable, etc. He has several job interviews here coming up that look promising, but I am just concerned that I will look up and years will have passed and we are in the same space.
I am not sure if I should advice him not to move or at the very least tell him we should take a break until he gets things straightened or if I should be patient. Maybe, I need to give him space to get things together...?
Hey stranger. Welcome back (sort of since you dust delete).
As for your question, what has led you to question his ability to commit to you fully through marriage? You need to ask yourself where "I don't think he'll be ready to settle down" is coming from. Prior to losing his job was this even a concern? It doesn't sound like it. While I believe I understand where your fears are coming from you advising him not to come as planned could be read as you giving up on him, which will be another blow. He's probably already very critical of himself (e.g. the depressed state he's in) and he probably wants to know you're in his corner.
Anyway, what did the man say to cause you to doubt him?click to expand
Posted by Seraphlight
If you love him and he loves you and you are kind to each other. Then for me that would be all that mattered.
Posted by MyStarsShineVery true... I fear that then this kind of thing might become a norm. But I always have the ability to walk away if it does...Posted by natural25I am good thanks love. I would feel totally the same...it is difficult though...it sounds like there is some need to take a little space. The thing is, it makes it worse when you put the pressure on, doesn't it? I know it is hurtful, but maybe you go along with his plan, but tell him you would love to spend the holiday with him but want him to be happy too. Did you ever hear that expression *time reveals a person's heart*?Posted by MyStarsShineHiiiiii!! How are you??
Hey natural, how are you (I used to be Starlover before i transformed into MyStars)
I don't have any advice for you....but i do understand how you feel about the NYE thing....seems he needs some freedom to be with his friends. Maybe you have an *alternative* celebration....you with your mates and he with his......but i know you would probably hate that....hope you get it sorted
xoxoxo
Yes... It just feels so rejecting. Why wouldn't he want to spend New Years with me?? Not saying that I'm the bomb. Ha! I am saying this because we are in a serious relationship. I feel that these sort of things should come natural. Smh.
Stand back if you can and let him work things out and come to you when he is ready
xoxoclick to expand
Posted by SeraphlightI love this! Thank you. The thing is that I honestly do not feel his behavior is being kind to me... With this isolated situation.
If you love him and he loves you and you are kind to each other. Then for me that would be all that mattered.
Posted by MyStarsShineRiiiiight and the consideration part is where I feel I am being neglected.Posted by Seraphlight
If you love him and he loves you and you are kind to each other. Then for me that would be all that mattered.
The love thing can sometimes be a bit dodgy, as people have different perceptions of it, but a big yes to kindness, without that then there aint much of a relationship ... consideration and respect are good too
click to expand
Posted by natural25Yes i understand thatPosted by MyStarsShineRiiiiight and the consideration part is where I feel I am being neglected.Posted by Seraphlight
If you love him and he loves you and you are kind to each other. Then for me that would be all that mattered.
The love thing can sometimes be a bit dodgy, as people have different perceptions of it, but a big yes to kindness, without that then there aint much of a relationship ... consideration and respect are good too
click to expand
Posted by MyStarsShineAnd yet, I feel like by doing that, I am begging him to be with me... It's insane! He CHASED me!! This is actually the first time he's done something like this. Idk. I am tempted to just make plans of my own and be done with it...Posted by natural25Yes i understand thatPosted by MyStarsShineRiiiiight and the consideration part is where I feel I am being neglected.Posted by Seraphlight
If you love him and he loves you and you are kind to each other. Then for me that would be all that mattered.
The love thing can sometimes be a bit dodgy, as people have different perceptions of it, but a big yes to kindness, without that then there aint much of a relationship ... consideration and respect are good too
I guess all you can do for now is explain to him how you feel (even though you did before) and see what happens. There is only a couple of weeks to go until Xmas......maybe in your mind you make plans for yourself in case he decides to carry on with his own plans
It's bloody tough i know love...been there and learned a huge lesson from it, and as you know......all things for a reason...whatever that reason may be
(((hugs)))click to expand
Posted by natural25Always, my dear in life ~ ~ have a Plan BPosted by MyStarsShineAnd yet, I feel like by doing that, I am begging him to be with me... It's insane! He CHASED me!! This is actually the first time he's done something like this. Idk. I am tempted to just make plans of my own and be done with it...Posted by natural25Yes i understand thatPosted by MyStarsShineRiiiiight and the consideration part is where I feel I am being neglected.Posted by Seraphlight
If you love him and he loves you and you are kind to each other. Then for me that would be all that mattered.
The love thing can sometimes be a bit dodgy, as people have different perceptions of it, but a big yes to kindness, without that then there aint much of a relationship ... consideration and respect are good too
I guess all you can do for now is explain to him how you feel (even though you did before) and see what happens. There is only a couple of weeks to go until Xmas......maybe in your mind you make plans for yourself in case he decides to carry on with his own plans
It's bloody tough i know love...been there and learned a huge lesson from it, and as you know......all things for a reason...whatever that reason may be
(((hugs)))click to expand
Posted by MyStarsShineAmen to this!Posted by natural25Always, my dear in life ~ ~ have a Plan BPosted by MyStarsShineAnd yet, I feel like by doing that, I am begging him to be with me... It's insane! He CHASED me!! This is actually the first time he's done something like this. Idk. I am tempted to just make plans of my own and be done with it...Posted by natural25Yes i understand thatPosted by MyStarsShineRiiiiight and the consideration part is where I feel I am being neglected.Posted by Seraphlight
If you love him and he loves you and you are kind to each other. Then for me that would be all that mattered.
The love thing can sometimes be a bit dodgy, as people have different perceptions of it, but a big yes to kindness, without that then there aint much of a relationship ... consideration and respect are good too
I guess all you can do for now is explain to him how you feel (even though you did before) and see what happens. There is only a couple of weeks to go until Xmas......maybe in your mind you make plans for yourself in case he decides to carry on with his own plans
It's bloody tough i know love...been there and learned a huge lesson from it, and as you know......all things for a reason...whatever that reason may be
(((hugs)))
I now never depend on anyone for my happiness....Christ knows i did all of my life, but not now and i feel so much more relaxedclick to expand
Posted by ReincarnationI don't think there is no future with him. I think it is possible to have a future being married to him. I am just unsure of the timing.Posted by natural25
Hey, hey, hey!
Old head here who hasn't been on here in FOREVER needing a different perspective. I am a Scorpio woman. I have been dating a Scorp man for 1.5 yrs. Things have been going well. In August, I moved to another state which is about 5 hours away from him. Prior to that we used to live 5-10 minutes away from each other and saw each other almost everyday. He is planning to move where I am towards the end of December/beginning of January.
We have been casually talking about marriage and settling down. BUT (there's always a but, lol) he has been going through a few unexpected transitions. He lost his job and has experienced a few financial hardships over the last few months. The new distance between us also added an additional stress to our relationship. We have been getting into more disagreements than we did when we lived closer. None the less, he will be moving here to transfer and finish his graduate work. I know that his financial concerns, and continued disappointment with not getting a job has left him a little depressed and we all know about that Scorp depression. Lol. It aint no joke.
A few nights ago we got into a little spat over NYE. To make a long story bearable, the disagreement made me start to question if he is mentally prepared to get engaged (not right NOW, but..) in the near future... I know he needs to become financially stable, etc. He has several job interviews here coming up that look promising, but I am just concerned that I will look up and years will have passed and we are in the same space.
I am not sure if I should advice him not to move or at the very least tell him we should take a break until he gets things straightened or if I should be patient. Maybe, I need to give him space to get things together...? I cant tell him not to move. After all, he isn't moving in with me - he'll be moving into his own place and I don't own the state. Lol. I am fearful of wasting time.... I am no spring chicken. But I do love the guy and overall I am happy with him... I want him to be happy and I want to support him. I also don't want to lose myself and my needs/desires in the process....
UGHHH!!!!
Be selfish with your time if your intuition sees no future with him.
Be aware though that if you take "a break" with Scorp man, there is no going back.click to expand
Posted by SeraphlightSeems to be a good idea
You can then spend time with people who truly just make you happy :-)
Posted by SeraphlightI have and i do....thanksPosted by MyStarsShineIt really is. Just pick well. :-)Posted by SeraphlightSeems to be a good idea
You can then spend time with people who truly just make you happy :-)click to expand
Posted by SeraphlightThis is a great lesson to learn
He is who is and is in the situation he is ...you either accept him and love him or you don't.
Posted by MyStarsShineI am not trying to control him. I think there is a difference between trying to control a person and expressing disappointment and hurt. I am actually expressing my feelings here on the board... Venting. Not trying to control him. Just venting and wanted to get alternative perspectives before discussing this with him further later tonight. I guess I got alternative perspectives. Ha!Posted by SeraphlightThis is a great lesson to learn
He is who is and is in the situation he is ...you either accept him and love him or you don't.
Scorpios (in general) like to be in control of things and stepping back can be like pulling teeth lol but once you do, life becomes very easy
We have control over no person except ourselvesclick to expand
Posted by DMV
Ok. If "Insecure" has taught us anything is that we need more communication with our partners and less wondering about how they feel about themselves, us, and the relationship.
Id say be supportive. Many times us women want the finished product and men want us to build with them.
Give him some time to get it together. He will love you even more for it.
Wait and see how the things work out with his job. If things aren't going well then its time to have a sit down.
Scorpios love people who have the toughness to see things through.
Posted by LoladollHe said that this is a tradition that him and his fraternity brothers have had for years but they have not done it in the last year or so because a few of them moved away. The ones who have moved will be in Chicago to visit for the holidays this year.
Have you asked him why he wants to spend NYE with his fraternity brothers? And when they made those plans?
I understand where you are coming from and the answer to those two questions would weigh heavily in my response.
Posted by DivaCanLeo
I skimmed through your posts.
1) Can you not still stay at his families in Chicago
2) Are there no others you can hang out with in Chicago for new years eve
3) Can't you hang out with his man and his boys no NYE
4) This all sounds like a hot mess
i wanted to say you're acting very needy ...
but he's being selfish.
i wouldn't trust him
Posted by natural25Posted by DMVChiiile... Insecure is another thread all in of its own. Lol.
Ok. If "Insecure" has taught us anything is that we need more communication with our partners and less wondering about how they feel about themselves, us, and the relationship.
Id say be supportive. Many times us women want the finished product and men want us to build with them.
Give him some time to get it together. He will love you even more for it.
Wait and see how the things work out with his job. If things aren't going well then its time to have a sit down.
Scorpios love people who have the toughness to see things through.
Ugh. The thing is... He is showing some selfish traits... Well, more like a bit immature. We got into it over NYE because, he mentioned to me on Saturday that he is be doing something with his fraternity on NYE. Huh??? What are we, 21?? That sounds crazy! We have spent every holiday together, he is about to move here to be with me, and he is talking about spending NYE with his friends??? What man who is "ready" doesn't want to be with his s/o on NYE. He That sounds immature and "not ready". That is the kind of mess that SCARES me!!!click to expand
Posted by natural25Posted by MyStarsShineI am not trying to control him. I think there is a difference between trying to control a person and expressing disappointment and hurt. I am actually expressing my feelings here on the board... Venting. Not trying to control him. Just venting and wanted to get alternative perspectives before discussing this with him further later tonight. I guess I got alternative perspectives. Ha!Posted by SeraphlightThis is a great lesson to learn
He is who is and is in the situation he is ...you either accept him and love him or you don't.
Scorpios (in general) like to be in control of things and stepping back can be like pulling teeth lol but once you do, life becomes very easy
We have control over no person except ourselvesclick to expand
Posted by PhoenixRisingNo, he doesn't really. Very rarely. Maybe a few times a year, if that. Well, technically one of his fraternity brothers lives in the same city as he does and they see each other every few weeks but the rest live away.
Does he get to see his frat brothers often?
Posted by natural25Gotcha. Sounds last minute for them but something he really wants to do.Posted by LoladollHe said that this is a tradition that him and his fraternity brothers have had for years but they have not done it in the last year or so because a few of them moved away. The ones who have moved will be in Chicago to visit for the holidays this year.
Have you asked him why he wants to spend NYE with his fraternity brothers? And when they made those plans?
I understand where you are coming from and the answer to those two questions would weigh heavily in my response.click to expand
Posted by natural25
PR - Awww I remember you were always so logical and reasonable... Yes, this is the first holiday we would be spending apart. Smh. Hmmm...
MyStars - LOL. Thank you, sweet pea! This is just nerve racking. You know... I am already kind of dreading the holiday season a bit. It's the anniversary of my parents passing (12/15 and 12/18) and for some reason it's kinda bothering me more this year. Grrrr....
Posted by tizianiLol. Thanks, but you see this mess I am in now. Ha! I am being dramatic... but still...
Damn, things got serious with you natural lol Good luck
Posted by tizianiAgreed. I definitely plan on sharing my feelings with him. We have not gotten a chance to talk about it in detail because I have been at a conference. I home now and tonight will be the night. Lol.
OK, I read the thread and I didn't really understand where the "he's not ready for a commitment" part comes from.
If you're afraid you won't like where this is headed or you feel there's a lack of consideration for you in the relationship, it should be ok to just say that to each other. That's probably the simplest measure of committing to one another right here, right now rather than bringing it into the realm of ideas about who's ready and who isn't. That's the best I can say. I think others have more or less said something similar.