Scorps, manipulaton and break-ups

I want a second opinion so here is the question:

Why when a woman breaks it off with a Scorp male because of his behavior (not giving enough attention, not treating her like number one, having another woman on the side, ect. ect. ect.) why would he point out all her flaws, tell her everything he did not like about her, tell her he was glad it was finally over and twist it as though it was he dumping her? Furthermore why would he still continue to perform his duties even though he does not need to-- as she can find another?

Even further still play little games as though he was still interested?

what's the deal?

thank you all for any insight to help my Cancer mind 🙂

Oh, and even go above and beyond what he needs to do at work for her-- and when he gets all obnoxious with her and she calls him out on it he gets all soft and sweet—

help please—

-lol- grrrrrreat. This guy is a Scorp sun & moon. I'm a Cancer sun Pisces moon. LOTS of water.

What happened with your evil guy?

Posted by Hypnotic—
he noticed you're starting to recover..
it goes against his agenda..
to make people as miserable as he is..

he's still interested.. in torturing you..

he will treat you like shit when you're available..
becomes suave when you're creating that distance.. smiles often, showers you with attention..
he'll do or say things.. you wished he had done/said before..

*evil laugh*
he's suave, not nice..

Bingo...Great insight/advice Hypnotic...especially the he's still interested in torturing you part.

Posted by scorpio_chic
girl he was just fucking evil. LOL we are still cool now, FROM A DISTANCE. I'm the type once you've snaked me once, I'll forgive but I keep you at a distance. This happened like 3 years ago, maybe a little longer. He did all the same things you said, turned really mean on me, tried insulting me and I gave it right back to him and we just stopped talking, cold turkey. I cut him off. He emailed me on myspace like 6 months later and apologized and said it had to do with him seeing his parents fight and his mom being mistreated.. he said that I was a good woman and he just didn't know how to treat women and said he wanted to apologize face to face. I went over there and we talked on his balcony, I accepted the apology and had my opportunity to say what I had to say, since I was not able to before. His words said one thing but I never really got the vibe that he had changed at all, so I never gave him another chance again after that. He'd invite me to parties that he threw at his loft or he'd invite me over to just chill but I never went. I always had a reason. We've kept in touch via text & internet like fb and myspace but nothing more than that. He moved to Texas a few months ago and just a few nights ago he told me that he thinks about me often... this is 3 years later mind you. LOL but he is one of those guys with a lot of money and a lot of women.. he is not changing anytime soon and any sort of feelings I once had for him are looooong gone.

LOL@fucking evil...Now SC if you could just teach all these other women to stop over analyzing evil and stop playing with fire and go the other way with no hesitation or thoughts about trying to make it work like you did DXP would be a big ol' happy virtual internet space d:

Posted by scorpio_chic

Posted by tiki33


LOL@fucking evil...Now SC if you could just teach all these other women to stop over analyzing evil and stop playing with fire and go the other way with no hesitation or thoughts about trying to make it work like you did DXP would be a big ol' happy virtual internet space d:

LOL yeah I just learned to listen to my own body/intuition and pay attention to how I feel when I am with a man. Even after the 'apology', I did not feel like he had changed at all, I still didn't feel at ease with him and felt like he would turn on me again like he did before. There are men that make you feel good when you are with them, comfortable.. and then there are men that make you feel like a deer caught in headlights. It's amazing how God blessed us with these senses, we just need to learn to pay attention.

click to expand

I wonder what your process was to trust yourself like that, many women don't trust there feelings and opt to trust the man over her own feelings, you accepted his apology but you didn't allow yourself to forget your feelings...brilliant

Posted by scorpio_chic
Well I've always had trouble trusting men to begin with. LOL And I wouldn't even say he had my trust the first time, because he snaked me early in the relationship he tried to cut me down with words once he THOUGHT that he had me where he wanted me. Everything I had told him about me, my feelings and everything else was used against me. Trusting him a second time around was not even an option.

As far as trusting my 'intuition', it HAS sometimes been a problem for me in other situations though.. situations less obvious. Because I have deep rooted insecurity that has nothing to do with a man and everything to do with me, and so I have let my insecurity sabotage my relationships in the past, assuming it was 'intuition'. Those are sometimes really hard to tell apart, because I feel them both very deeply.

But the situation with this guy made it very obvious.. his actions said it all.

for a woman with insecurities you handled that brilliantly, You seem to really have a good grasp of knowing yourself which is very important when a woman is around a toxic man because damn those type of men can really be manipulative and control the environment. Hey your half way there if you know you have these insecurities, keep working at training your emotions and they won't interfere so much in your one on one relationships but your close whether you know it or not to conquering and managing your fears.

Awww thanks guys. The brain tells me he's toxic and playing games. The heart tells me that he's doing it because he misses me and finally figured out I'm what he wants and is testing the water to see if I still feel the same.

I have moved on on the outside. I've been going on dates, out with friends, all the normal things a gal should be doing. (inside, my heart still thinks of him).

I just don't want to f-it all up if my hearts right BUT I also dont want to f-me all up if my brain is right.

UGH! Help? a drop more? please?

Posted by scorpio_chic
The toxic men have never been a problem with me, they make the "breaking free" process even easier! LOL I love it when it's easy, when the man is clearly no good for me. The stickiest situations that I find myself as an adult have been the good guy/bad timing situations, which are always more tough because the guys are not as easy to cancel out. They have little issues that match mine like commitment phobia, insecurity... THOSE are the men that are hardest for me to deal with because I simply don't know how. They're not bad men, so you can't do them like you do the rest.. but they're not necessarily good for you at the time either. So it's been tricky for me... but it is all a learning process. This site (including you) has helped me tremendously deal with my own issues and also taught me how to deal with men who have these issues. (my cap)

A great book that helped me get over some issues such as yours is He's Scared She's Scared it covers both issues about commitment phobic men and the women that are attracted to them, I love this book because it not only talk about men and women that actively run out of relationships due to commitment issues but they talk about the men and women that are attracted to these kind of men and they dedicate chapters how to break free from the toxic patterns that we create with men that are emotionally unavailable.

Book written by Steven Carter, Julia Sokol and you can even check out the reviews, yes I have read the book so I don't have a problem recommending it and if you want to read the reviews http://www.amazon.com/Hes-Scared-Shes-Understanding-Relationships/dp/0440506255

Also this isn't a gender bias book, this covers men and women that are commitment phobes and the men and women that fall in love with them and how...

Posted by miss_knight
I want a second opinion so here is the question:

Why when a woman breaks it off with a Scorp male because of his behavior (not giving enough attention, not treating her like number one, having another woman on the side, ect. ect. ect.) why would he point out all her flaws, tell her everything he did not like about her, tell her he was glad it was finally over and twist it as though it was he dumping her? Furthermore why would he still continue to perform his duties even though he does not need to-- as she can find another?

Even further still play little games as though he was still interested?

what's the deal?

The deal is he's not interested, least not enough to treat you right (if it's you were talking about). He's emotionally immature and he's hoping you are too, he's hoping your desperate enough to stick around to take his crumbs so he can string you along so he can have his cake and eat it too, he has no real interest in developing a real emotional bond/connection with you but if your available to be his stand by, his back up, his fall back girl he will gladly stick around if you let him.

oh an update, we have emailed each other about work back and forth. I tried to be social in an email but then he tried to turn it into a sextmail so I cut it off.

I sent him a work related only email. He responded about work and then added he was moving out "soon". I responded that I really didnt know what to say and I hope he's not too sad and I went through it myself yada, yada, yada and that he is a very lucky guy and I'm sure he will be just fine.

He responded with a HUGE jump in costs to me (sting!). I responded back with a simple "thanks I'll try to do it without you" where he re-emailed me that it was impossible to do without his help. I waited and finally I did agree that he was right (because he was grrrr) and asked him 1. for a payment plan and 2. to send me emails with less indifference in them because it hurts my feelings and I dont like that.

He then responded within 5 minutes that the payment plan was fine and his email was VERY nice. He's not been mean since.

The other day he emailed me about work. I responded with 4 questions about work. He responded back by answering only 1 of the four. I never responded back to the one.

I dont know what to do--- because I dont know his motives and I am scared he may hurt me again.

i'm looking for the book on amazon -lol-

Well this book will be perfect for you SC, it's not so much as the issue with commitmentphobia but all the behaviors men and women use to keep a certain distance within the relationship, how some men/women find real available loving partners but push them away due to there own commitment fears after all the pain of loving an unavailable partner they still would much prefer that over an available lover, many women realized that they HIDE behind fucked up men that have huge problems in life to passively avoid her own fears and issues, although they were the passive partner in the relationship hid behind unavailable men because they too were commitment phobic but women tend to hide it, they cry victim, they use the active avoiders issues as the reason why she can't have real love in her life but really it's becauase she's scared, I think you may be able to get a lot of this book SC if you decide to read it, maybe even begin to to deal with man your with now with less emotional conflict.

Posted by miss_knight
oh an update, we have emailed each other about work back and forth. I tried to be social in an email but then he tried to turn it into a sextmail so I cut it off.

I sent him a work related only email. He responded about work and then added he was moving out "soon". I responded that I really didnt know what to say and I hope he's not too sad and I went through it myself yada, yada, yada and that he is a very lucky guy and I'm sure he will be just fine.

He responded with a HUGE jump in costs to me (sting!). I responded back with a simple "thanks I'll try to do it without you" where he re-emailed me that it was impossible to do without his help. I waited and finally I did agree that he was right (because he was grrrr) and asked him 1. for a payment plan and 2. to send me emails with less indifference in them because it hurts my feelings and I dont like that.

He then responded within 5 minutes that the payment plan was fine and his email was VERY nice. He's not been mean since.

The other day he emailed me about work. I responded with 4 questions about work. He responded back by answering only 1 of the four. I never responded back to the one.

I dont know what to do--- because I dont know his motives and I am scared he may hurt me again.

You know what to do but you don't want to do it, you want him to care about you and to love you and he doesn't show it so you get frustrated. Pay a mover if you have to move, don't get caught up with this money issue with him, if you have to pay extra to hire a mover than DO IT, he's already hurting you by not caring about you the way you need and want him too. He wants you to be his sex buddy on the side if you can't be that then get out of his life because truthfully he doesn't care least not in the way that would make you feel secure. Why torture yourself like this??

"Show him indifference and see how he loves that."

Funny you said that. That's what I've been trying to do. Like when he said he was moving soon--- I was like oh, you'll be fine. and when he gave me the high price I didnt ask him to lower it, just to break it up in payments, and with the sexmail, nothing-- shut him down.

I have to schedule a meeting toward the end of February and he'll be there. I have been saying I want to look good-- better than good--- HOT and give him no play, no time, no nothing.

I think in my heart of hearts the feeling has been, is, and always will be---- If they love you and want you NOTHING will stand in their way. If I'm what he wants I think he will now have to convince me that I want him.

Then, MAYBE, I'll not be so worried about getting hurt by him.

-lol- awww thank you tiki33 -lol- No not help moving. He's a key player in a project I've started to raise money for my son. He has Autisim and the schools where I live are over 100K a year. Thats how I met the Scorp. I got stuck and he helped me and has been for a while now.

He is usally 10x the cost but for me it's always been lower, MUCH lower. -lol- well until he told me he was moving and I was like "good luck with that" and he raised his price. it was higher than normal but not nearly what he'd charge somebody else.

I meant I was trying to figure out if his feelings were real or just for sex. Exactly tiki33. If I give in to sex then he will only want sex. I dont want that. I want a fun boyfriend type of guy.

The type of guy that when you open the mail and get a party invitation--- you know who to ask. The type of guy who takes you to the movies and to dinner. The type of guy that will understand I DO NOT want to EVER get married again, and that will understand the issues with my children and that I cant have men meeting them and confusing them.

I dont want a husband and my kids do not need a dad-- they have one. I have a house, a job, a car I dont need a sugar daddy, I just need somebody I can BE with and have fun with and talk to.

-lol- I'm rambling -lol-

oh, moving out on his own away from her. sorry I left that part out.

Posted by miss_knight
-lol- awww thank you tiki33 -lol- No not help moving. He's a key player in a project I've started to raise money for my son. He has Autisim and the schools where I live are over 100K a year. Thats how I met the Scorp. I got stuck and he helped me and has been for a while now.

He is usally 10x the cost but for me it's always been lower, MUCH lower. -lol- well until he told me he was moving and I was like "good luck with that" and he raised his price. it was higher than normal but not nearly what he'd charge somebody else.

Okay I see, lawrd my blood pressure almost went up LOL

Good luck on raising money for you son, damn that school is expensive, good gracious.

sorry. No we dont work together I have a profession, we were working on the project together.

They have been living together for over 15 years.

I dont know if he moved yet or not. I never explored it further.

Posted by miss_knight
I meant I was trying to figure out if his feelings were real or just for sex. Exactly tiki33. If I give in to sex then he will only want sex. I dont want that. I want a fun boyfriend type of guy.

The type of guy that when you open the mail and get a party invitation--- you know who to ask. The type of guy who takes you to the movies and to dinner. The type of guy that will understand I DO NOT want to EVER get married again, and that will understand the issues with my children and that I cant have men meeting them and confusing them.

I dont want a husband and my kids do not need a dad-- they have one. I have a house, a job, a car I dont need a sugar daddy, I just need somebody I can BE with and have fun with and talk to.

-lol- I'm rambling -lol-

But it seems he doesn't want to be all those things for you. Can you handle that? That's the reality of your situation, he wants sex you want good boyfriend stuff from him, I don't see how you can find that with this kind of man no matter how deep your attraction runs for you with this guy if it's not mutual then you really don't have anything with him.

Well, that's why I'm confused. --lol-- when we broke up I told him what i was looking for and I MADE IT VERY CLEAR. That's why I'm confused with all the games. The "i'm moving out" thing. The nice-ness. He knows what I want, how do I know if it's sex or boyfriend?

When he started the sexmail I stoped it at the gate. When he left the door open to call or see him I didn't jump, crawl, walk nothing. No response from me and he's still trying.

Could he be trying? In a good way that is.

"If he was ready, he would just come straight out and tell you, straight up. Scorpios are the most straight-forward and blunt people you know when we're being honest. If he is still hard to understand, it's because he is being vague, and he is playing games."

Thank you Scorpchic THAT was a clear cut answer. I needed that. Sometimes I get all foggy in the feelings department. I guess he would be honest.

He's being vague, inconsistant, testing the water. Not ready to jump. I think he'll let me know when he is.

In the meantime--- It will back to dating I suppose. I must say though I am getting better at it -lol- and flirting -lol- I am actually feeling quite girly lately these past months.

Always a silver lining I think.

Thank you Scorpchic. I think your right. I feel better. Not better like happy -lol-, better like I have more of a handle on the situation.

I think when he sees me next month then I'll be able to tell. Or not. Who knows.

For now, I'll still stay calm, cool and collected. -lol- well, I pretend to him anyway.

"But that's the thing that I CAN tell you for sure about scorpios... we are known for being extreme. Extremely in or extremely out.. if we're anywhere in between, we're not really there. If that makes any sense at all... anything we have a passion for, we have a passion for wholeheartedly."

I believe that. When we were first together it was just like that. It felt like I was the air he needed to breath.

So when I'm air again------ then I'll know I'm good! -lol-

One last question---

Is it a good sign that he's at least acting semi interested? If he was 100% "off" I would hear nothing right? Could this be a start?

Or no, is this just normal Scorp behavior?

Thank you Scorpchic. I appreicate your input and stories. A BIG help.


Take back the situation. Yes, your right. I'm off to a good start I think.

Night all.

He lost control...plain and simple. Once that happens, they resort to tearing you a part anyway they know will get to you. It's their own "revenge" tactic. Make her feel like she's worthless, get the upper hand, and maybe she will see the error of her ways and she will become MINE again.
It's all a part of their games. Do not play it. Walk away and don't look back or you are libel to be sucked right back in.

Posted by miss_knight
-lol- awww thank you tiki33 -lol- No not help moving. He's a key player in a project I've started to raise money for my son. He has Autisim and the schools where I live are over 100K a year. Thats how I met the Scorp. I got stuck and he helped me and has been for a while now.

He is usally 10x the cost but for me it's always been lower, MUCH lower. -lol- well until he told me he was moving and I was like "good luck with that" and he raised his price. it was higher than normal but not nearly what he'd charge somebody else.

I work with kids on the spectrum so I can only imagine what you are going through trying to find a suitable place to help your child. Good luck sweety...hang in there.

You shouldn't be thinking twice about a man that would hurt you like that. Try your best to move on and take of you and your amazing son.

Awww ramfishtwins- I give you credit. I love my son to death but there is NO way I could care for more than one like him. There are some days I have to take a Mommy Break and hide in my room for a "time-out". He's high functioning and still he can be a handful BUT every now and then-- more often than not lately (thank God) out of the clear blue sky he will walk up to me and touch my cheek or my arm, smile and say "I love you mommy" and then I get my second wind. It's like an instant refresh button that only he can press. It reminds me that the "real him" is hiding inside-- and is having trouble getting out.

Strange.

As for your post "He lost control...plain and simple. Once that happens, they resort to tearing you a part anyway they know will get to you. It's their own "revenge" tactic. Make her feel like she's worthless, get the upper hand, and maybe she will see the error of her ways and she will become MINE again."

Which part were you refering to? I hate to say it but I kinda liked the idea that he was sitting on the fence. -lol- I'm not condoning his behavior of being with the two of us, but I understand that by me walking away it left him in his own bed (excuse the pun!). I dont like what he did, but I have waited to "dump" somebody--- until I had my gameplan set. Wrong I know, and I was young at the time. I guess I was hoping he was doing the same with me.

Now that i'm gone-- I kinda hoped he was missing me. They say "you dont know what you've got till it's gone" and "absence makes the heart grow fonder"

I guess I was just hoping he was thinking just that. Wishful thinking-- you think? -lol-

Posted by miss_knight
Awww ramfishtwins- I give you credit. I love my son to death but there is NO way I could care for more than one like him. There are some days I have to take a Mommy Break and hide in my room for a "time-out". He's high functioning and still he can be a handful BUT every now and then-- more often than not lately (thank God) out of the clear blue sky he will walk up to me and touch my cheek or my arm, smile and say "I love you mommy" and then I get my second wind. It's like an instant refresh button that only he can press. It reminds me that the "real him" is hiding inside-- and is having trouble getting out.

Strange.

As for your post "He lost control...plain and simple. Once that happens, they resort to tearing you a part anyway they know will get to you. It's their own "revenge" tactic. Make her feel like she's worthless, get the upper hand, and maybe she will see the error of her ways and she will become MINE again."

Which part were you refering to? I hate to say it but I kinda liked the idea that he was sitting on the fence. -lol- I'm not condoning his behavior of being with the two of us, but I understand that by me walking away it left him in his own bed (excuse the pun!). I dont like what he did, but I have waited to "dump" somebody--- until I had my gameplan set. Wrong I know, and I was young at the time. I guess I was hoping he was doing the same with me.

Now that i'm gone-- I kinda hoped he was missing me. They say "you dont know what you've got till it's gone" and "absence makes the heart grow fonder"

I guess I was just hoping he was thinking just that. Wishful thinking-- you think? -lol-

It's the "I love you mommy" moments that keeps us teachers, therapists, and people like myself coming back every day. These children are amazing and when they "get it" and the light bulb goes off, all is well in the world. I see almost 98% or so all high functioning. I cannot imagine working with the lower kids, now those people are saints!

I was refering to the part when you said he was really mean to you, not the part of him on the fence. And yes, it is wishful thinking, but we've all been there, trust me! We all hope (well most!) that he's still thinking of us and will one say see the error of his ways. Anything is possible! But, I wonder how bad you should want to be with a man that would be mean to you, manipulated you, and try to co

Posted by Hypnotic—
nothing like a scorpio that lost control..
that shit is priceless..

aww man I wouldn't wish that on the worse Scorpio.

Posted by scorpio_chic
Well I've always had trouble trusting men to begin with. LOL And I wouldn't even say he had my trust the first time, because he snaked me early in the relationship he tried to cut me down with words once he THOUGHT that he had me where he wanted me. Everything I had told him about me, my feelings and everything else was used against me. Trusting him a second time around was not even an option.

As far as trusting my 'intuition', it HAS sometimes been a problem for me in other situations though.. situations less obvious. Because I have deep rooted insecurity that has nothing to do with a man and everything to do with me, and so I have let my insecurity sabotage my relationships in the past, assuming it was 'intuition'. Those are sometimes really hard to tell apart, because I feel them both very deeply.

But the situation with this guy made it very obvious.. his actions said it all.

I understand EXACTLY what you are saying.

i'm in the same situation now with a scorpio and since the beginning i decided to put myself first because it was something i sensed in him, as though he wasn't being real/sincere. i'm very careful with my heart to begin with and he right now thinks he has me where he wants me and as soon as i let him think he does, i pull a different card out. He thinks i'm mean, no.. i stand up for myself. People think i'm stupid but i follow my heart, my intuition, my gut and he did the whole "bullying" thing and even so far as putting his hands on me because "i supposedly rejected him on having kids because i didn't stay the night" in which i told him if he did it again i'd cut his dick off. I think what brought this part of myself out was growing up in an sexual, emotional and physical abusing childhood. i don't trust people.. period and i have a fantastic eye for a fake person from a mile away. At first he was all sweet and even down right cuddly and one night it was just something i felt and i freaked the hell out and demanded my friend take me home. Now he's just become downright too controlling and likes to blame me for what he does. i do admit i wasn't perfect, i've said a lot of things i shouldn't of said but he played one too many games and i'm a naturally possessive and jealous person myself. how can you call somebody your girlfriend yet always be up on other women and then he wondered why i never had sex with him nor showed him

showed him my actual warmth and why i ALWAYS fought with him. um, gee... i wonder.

scorpio men have a deep rooted insecurity.
they have to be surrounded by female groupies who slober all over them or by "lowly" men to make them feel manly.

their also known to torture a girl cruelly before "grabbing her by the hair and dragging him into his room of doom".
in which mine did that but i got back at him in the same night. funny story actually. i don't back down from him at all.

He decided to get me to his house in my red and black lingerie where his ex girlfriend and my supposed best friend were hiding.. they think i'm stupid, i knew something was going to happen. i just felt it. so we're making out and he says he has to go to the bathroom and then i hear the giggle so i put pants and a shirt on over my lingerie and on my way out the bedroom what do i do? i grab his cellphone. i let them laugh cause its like "haha yeah its funny but do YOU guys realize how well i know him?" so i tell him to follow me and he said "why would i do that" and i said "well, if you want your cellphone back you'd follow me." he has one of those g1 phones and so him and his groupies follow me out to the car in which i'm threatening to smash his phone unless he sends his groupies away and their both talking shit, he's trying to reach for his phone and i'm thinking it hilarious the whole time.. i finally gave him his phone and then told his girls "see ya later fatasses" just because c'mon now, they had to do that with him? nice. i hurt his pride, he's still trying to control me and be with me.