Self Pity Thread!!!!!

Wow. Things must've gotten REALLY heated and stuff. It's been scritched the fuck out!

When it all comes down to it, it was just a bunch of soft people thinking other people were TOO hard and a bunch of hard people thinking others were TOO soft (I fall into this category).

Personally, my heart will bleed no doubt about it, but within reason.

You know:

you can listen to a suicidal person wallow, but if after you've provided a listening ear you leave 'em to their devices in a room full of pointy objects, rope and pills?

You're kinda useless.

You have to do more than just LISTEN.

I'll tell you one thing, though, us hardies and you softies share one thing in common when it comes to suicidal types:

we leave 'em in their holes.

If you really care about them? Drag 'em along with you when you leave that depressive place.

They can't see what joys life has to offer from their beds, now, can they?

Hehe, no actually things started to get a little heated, but then cooled down (the last I saw). I think Scorpio_chic removed the thread because there was too much personal information in there regarding her friend.

Tough love. Final answer.

Posted by LovelyScorp
@&2gedanow

I really enjoyed your POV on that topic. I didn't post much but kept coming back to see your insight.

I never looked at it in that light. You've opened up a whole knew way of thinking for me. Most people who are approached by someone in that situation offer a listening ear but really don't know how to help much further than that.

You've definately given an option.

I think you are right, pull them right along with you, keep them distracted and keep them focused on other things. I've had my own bouts of depression in the past (what scorpio hasn't?...lol)....and you are right, if someone would of grabbed me by the hand and pulled me along I wouldn't of had time to even think about curling up in a ball and feeling sorry for myself.

...and those that do the patronizing act of just listening (no fault of their own) are scrutinized by us because we know that the words really don't mean anything without action.

Thanks, Lovely.

I'm not gonna kid myself here: it's because it was my brother who I love that was feeling suicidal that I favour a more forceful line of action.

The truth is while most people may offer a listening ear, whether they fall into the "I'm listening but not REALLY listening" or the "I'm listening and nodding" or the "Stop complaining and get off your arse!" camps ALL parties get drained from being around people who are depressed or suicidal.

We aren't wrong. We're just human.

All I'm saying is if you REALLY want to help you have to be an EQUAL.

You can't be a therapist or a concerned friend, that is you being apart from the person.

You have to be a MIRROR. A mirror THEY will mirror.

If the depressive or suicidal person's tone is worried, panicky or what have you, YOU have to adopt a casual tone in reply.

Their fears ARE real, to them, but human beings copy one another; if they see you casually putting yourself in THEIR shoes and casually talking about what YOU would do if you were in such a scenario and making cynical jokes about it and brushing off the worst fears -- being BRAVE basically, a subconscious downplaying will begin to happen.

It'll take a while, but it'll happen.

It's like being in bed with your so or daughter who is afraid of monsters under her bed. They see you making loud scary noises at the monsters going "Raargh! Go away you six eyed freak!" and stuff, they'

continued..

they'll laugh. And when you turn off the light and leave the room they'll remember that when they feel scared.

And it'll give them courage.

Posted by scorpio_chic

Posted by Shadows
Hehe, no actually things started to get a little heated, but then cooled down (the last I saw). I think Scorpio_chic removed the thread because there was too much personal information in there regarding her friend.

click to expand

Ah.