so a funny thing happened over the past weeks
This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by scorpio_wreck on Sunday, March 23, 2008 and has 31 replies.
after the gem said she just wanted to be friends we started hangin' out a lot more and now we see each other pretty much daily, we hold hands and do cute shit like that. we both got tested together and are std negative (woohoo) and are gonna get down like country rabbits once i kick this cold. things seem to be going really good...she picked up a huge stuffed koala bear for me when i picked her up from work today, she knows how much i love koalas.
but then jealousy strikes mr. scorpio pants here. not only does ms. gem get hit on ALL THE TIME when scorp and gem are together (which scorp really tries to manage) but scorp sometimes feels gem facilitates being hit on by just lapping it up and not putting her foot down, which kinda hurts scorps feelings when they are together. both scorp and gem are still technically 'friends' but do all the physical things that friends obviously don't do, and even FWB (as far as i know) don't cuddle or hold hands and shit. SO
none of this would be a problem if, four hours ago, gem did not depart on a road trip an hour up the coast for the weekend with some guy scorp doesn't know but gem insists is a friend, which isn't comforting since scorp knows how this gem treats her friends.
scorp is getting possessive but is afraid to say anything to gem for fear of driving her wild, freedom loving self away from his tight, passionate grasp. scorp knows he must patiently lie in wait for the gem to decide what she wants to do with him, and while scorp is quite patient he does not want to leave the relationship up to a fickle gem. on the other hand, scorp does not feel entirely right dating around with other girls because he feels him and the gem are progressing at some rate, and would hate to develop simultaneous relationships and have the break apart from other girls because of one gem's indecisiveness.
scorp has a feeling he is thinking about this too much, but is in a bitter jealous tantrum at the moment thinking about what gem and random mystery guy are up to. it's his birthday and they're supposedly from the same home town and so she was really excited to see him, but she didn't introduce him to scorp or anything, which strikes scorp as odd.
any ideas good dxp folk?
but then jealousy strikes mr. scorpio pants here. not only does ms. gem get hit on ALL THE TIME when scorp and gem are together (which scorp really tries to manage) but scorp sometimes feels gem facilitates being hit on by just lapping it up and not putting her foot down, which kinda hurts scorps feelings when they are together. both scorp and gem are still technically 'friends' but do all the physical things that friends obviously don't do, and even FWB (as far as i know) don't cuddle or hold hands and shit. SO
none of this would be a problem if, four hours ago, gem did not depart on a road trip an hour up the coast for the weekend with some guy scorp doesn't know but gem insists is a friend, which isn't comforting since scorp knows how this gem treats her friends.
scorp is getting possessive but is afraid to say anything to gem for fear of driving her wild, freedom loving self away from his tight, passionate grasp. scorp knows he must patiently lie in wait for the gem to decide what she wants to do with him, and while scorp is quite patient he does not want to leave the relationship up to a fickle gem. on the other hand, scorp does not feel entirely right dating around with other girls because he feels him and the gem are progressing at some rate, and would hate to develop simultaneous relationships and have the break apart from other girls because of one gem's indecisiveness.
scorp has a feeling he is thinking about this too much, but is in a bitter jealous tantrum at the moment thinking about what gem and random mystery guy are up to. it's his birthday and they're supposedly from the same home town and so she was really excited to see him, but she didn't introduce him to scorp or anything, which strikes scorp as odd.
any ideas good dxp folk?
Ooh, that sounds painful for you... Did you get tested together as friends just going along together, or was it with each other in mind? Does she envisage a FWB thing setting up or has she talked about more?(Yes, I agree, the cuddles would go against that idea).
Well so far you're doing great - keep that Scorp jealousy to yourself for now, I'd say. If she is trying to get a reaction from you then IMHO it's a game you shouldn't enter into cos she'll keep doing it.
If you are friends, you have no say here. It is odd she didn't introduce you but then maybe she is into games and wants to push you into moving things along. Or maybe she is just innocently going away with someone she's known for years. Or yes, maybe there's more there (if she gets STI tests with friends other than you, which you don't yet know).
A; you can do right now is wait. And then when she gets back, you need to talk. Rehears it all so that you can eradicate as many jealous-sounding sentences as possible. Practise how you will tell her you would have appreciated an introduction without it sounding too heavy. And think hard about which reactions you will and won't accept. You really like her, which is great. So now you need to find out how likely this behaviour is to recur, whether she is prepared to reassure you about it, and if so, can you cope?
I'd find what you have described quite hard to cope with, so it's not just your Scorp jealousy here. I think it's the old 'We need to communicate' thing.
There is no point tormenting yourself whilst she's away. Just get ready to talk openly when she gets back. I think she may be playing a game to see if you will open up verbally about how you feel, but if so - think hard if that's the kind of games you want to set up for the future.
Good luck, keep us posted.
SAV x
Well so far you're doing great - keep that Scorp jealousy to yourself for now, I'd say. If she is trying to get a reaction from you then IMHO it's a game you shouldn't enter into cos she'll keep doing it.
If you are friends, you have no say here. It is odd she didn't introduce you but then maybe she is into games and wants to push you into moving things along. Or maybe she is just innocently going away with someone she's known for years. Or yes, maybe there's more there (if she gets STI tests with friends other than you, which you don't yet know).
A; you can do right now is wait. And then when she gets back, you need to talk. Rehears it all so that you can eradicate as many jealous-sounding sentences as possible. Practise how you will tell her you would have appreciated an introduction without it sounding too heavy. And think hard about which reactions you will and won't accept. You really like her, which is great. So now you need to find out how likely this behaviour is to recur, whether she is prepared to reassure you about it, and if so, can you cope?
I'd find what you have described quite hard to cope with, so it's not just your Scorp jealousy here. I think it's the old 'We need to communicate' thing.
There is no point tormenting yourself whilst she's away. Just get ready to talk openly when she gets back. I think she may be playing a game to see if you will open up verbally about how you feel, but if so - think hard if that's the kind of games you want to set up for the future.
Good luck, keep us posted.
SAV x
Oh, and the flirting - you have no say in this whilst you're 'friends' but if you become more deeply committed and it continues (ie she knows it bothers you but does it anyway) I'd say it might be a red flag.
fuckina, i would agree with you if not for the fact that when i'm driving she has a tendency to move her fingers through my hair affectionately, hold my hand or just put her arm around me. and, by that same token, i normally will do the same without any protest from her. so you can understand the mixed communication - if we were just fucking then i'd have no problem frolicking off with other women (i was doing it before this point, now i've kinda tapered off with the other girls and started to focus more on her.) i understand i'm not her man but for 3 days straight just week she crashed at my pad and we fooled around every single night and spent the whole day together, on top of her inviting me over to her new place and cooking dinner for me two nights in a row (and then afterwards driving to watch the waves at the ocean). so i mean unless we're like uber friends or something then i see very little platonic resonance in ANYTHING that's going on, and yet we're still "friends." i just don't want to continue on like this and have to wait on this chick for nothing when i can just as easily return to the normal dating world again.
"You're still an FWB!! You don't seem to understand that there are a lot of people out there that like having a FWB relationship with someone without any strings attached because it allows for them to behave more romantically or affectionate towards them because they AREN'T committed to you. They feel much freer to be around you because they aren't held down by a relationship and a commitment."
well, if that's really the case then what's the point of just being FWB and expressing affection when that affection could be being shown to five other people? that's a bunch of hippie bullshit.
"You answered your own question right there!! STOP hanging on and don't wait for this chick or some other girl!! You're messing with your own emotions...she's already told you how she feels and what she wants. There's nothing more to it, and you need to stop deluding yourself and making it into something more.
And furthermore, even if she is playing with your emotions, WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU WANT A GIRL WHO DID THAT TO YOU OR ANOTHER MAN??"
meh, i think i'll just do the FWB thing with her on a physical level and continue dating around...i really should have no cause to feel bad about it if gem's the one who's hesitant about commitment. she already knows how i feel.
ugh. beautiful women are such a death trap.
well, if that's really the case then what's the point of just being FWB and expressing affection when that affection could be being shown to five other people? that's a bunch of hippie bullshit.
"You answered your own question right there!! STOP hanging on and don't wait for this chick or some other girl!! You're messing with your own emotions...she's already told you how she feels and what she wants. There's nothing more to it, and you need to stop deluding yourself and making it into something more.
And furthermore, even if she is playing with your emotions, WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU WANT A GIRL WHO DID THAT TO YOU OR ANOTHER MAN??"
meh, i think i'll just do the FWB thing with her on a physical level and continue dating around...i really should have no cause to feel bad about it if gem's the one who's hesitant about commitment. she already knows how i feel.
ugh. beautiful women are such a death trap.
thanks for the advice fuckinA, most of the board has lost patience with me and my antics but i appreciate all the help i can get...
"meh, i think i'll just do the FWB thing with her on a physical level and continue dating around..."
Somehow I sense you wont be able to do that. You sound like you already have deep feelings for her.
As for her behaviour, it sounds like she's very young and because you agreed to be friends with her, she doesnt know how her behaviour with you is affecting you. I bet, you (being a scorp) are not revealing your true nature to her the way you're revealing it here.
She probably senses your intense nature and because she craves freedom she opted for the friends thing. She may be scared. Actually, she reminds me of myself when I was younger. I have a freedom loving moon sign and for some reason I kept attracting intense scorp guys.
It freaked me out and I dilly dallied around these types. Granted I ended up with one, but I somehow get where she's at.
Somehow I sense you wont be able to do that. You sound like you already have deep feelings for her.
As for her behaviour, it sounds like she's very young and because you agreed to be friends with her, she doesnt know how her behaviour with you is affecting you. I bet, you (being a scorp) are not revealing your true nature to her the way you're revealing it here.
She probably senses your intense nature and because she craves freedom she opted for the friends thing. She may be scared. Actually, she reminds me of myself when I was younger. I have a freedom loving moon sign and for some reason I kept attracting intense scorp guys.
It freaked me out and I dilly dallied around these types. Granted I ended up with one, but I somehow get where she's at.
newbie, i don't have deep feelings for her...and it won't be difficult maintaining something purely physical. i just have to revert back to caveman scorp mode which is completely unfulfilling for me on any deep level, but it gets me off. and i don't want her to just be some girl that gets me off but if she wants it to be that way then what the hell am i supposed to do about it?
"scorp is getting possessive but is afraid to say anything to gem for fear of driving her wild, freedom loving self away from his tight, passionate grasp."
And therein lies the problem. She can't read your mind. As far as she's aware, you and her are just friends. So unless you actually TELL her how things are becoming for you, do you really think it's fair for you to suddenly start using her?
I know from experience and from numerous friends telling me the same, scorps are not the most vocal men on the block. We can't figure out what's going on in your heads and she's probably too young to know that with scorps, actions speak louder than words.God knows how I struggled to understand mine before I finally saw the light.
I suggest you get vocal.
And therein lies the problem. She can't read your mind. As far as she's aware, you and her are just friends. So unless you actually TELL her how things are becoming for you, do you really think it's fair for you to suddenly start using her?
I know from experience and from numerous friends telling me the same, scorps are not the most vocal men on the block. We can't figure out what's going on in your heads and she's probably too young to know that with scorps, actions speak louder than words.God knows how I struggled to understand mine before I finally saw the light.
I suggest you get vocal.
"Anytime people on this board start a topic about someone, it's very much because they have feelings for the person."
Which hurts and then when they don't hear what they want to hear it swiftly moves into denial.
Which hurts and then when they don't hear what they want to hear it swiftly moves into denial.
"She knows exactly what she's doing..."
Shush. Of course she does...LOL.
But then again, her running off for the weekend may not entirely be her fault. Maybe she told SW and he threw her a sarcastic remark. Who knows? There's always two sides to a story and because I've been around scorp men for too long, I dont entirely side with them when something like this happens.
They use biting sarcasm when they're trying to hide their true emotions. It can hurt and piss you off to the point of detachment.
Shush. Of course she does...LOL.
But then again, her running off for the weekend may not entirely be her fault. Maybe she told SW and he threw her a sarcastic remark. Who knows? There's always two sides to a story and because I've been around scorp men for too long, I dont entirely side with them when something like this happens.
They use biting sarcasm when they're trying to hide their true emotions. It can hurt and piss you off to the point of detachment.
Totally agree with treetrunkinA here I'm afraid, it's all gonna end in tears..
You got yourself a problem under this kind of circumstance I would not keep quiet I would not care for this your mistake is that you have not expressed yourself to her. good luck have a good time.
"lol He doesn't have to express himself. She knows."
Hmmm...I think she may have an idea but I'm not so sure she knows how deeply it's affecting him. When it comes to one on one communication these guys hide it pretty damn well. They can easily make you think they dont give a damn. They're not called master manipulators for nothing.
Hmmm...I think she may have an idea but I'm not so sure she knows how deeply it's affecting him. When it comes to one on one communication these guys hide it pretty damn well. They can easily make you think they dont give a damn. They're not called master manipulators for nothing.
no broken heart here! ms pisces, you're right about the first time being h0t...but you all seem to be forgetting that while i am a sensitive sally, i can just as easily drop the heart on my sleeve and become a slimy steven, or a stone-like stan!
newbie, NOT EVEN! when she told me she was going off for the weekend i said, "that'll be fun!" LOL. i've been really good at controlling the jealousy.
but it's all moot now. i've given up hope. i hope you're all happy, having shattered my dreams.
newbie, NOT EVEN! when she told me she was going off for the weekend i said, "that'll be fun!" LOL. i've been really good at controlling the jealousy.
but it's all moot now. i've given up hope. i hope you're all happy, having shattered my dreams.
"i said, "that'll be fun!" LOL."
LOL...my scorp says that to me too. When I hear that, my antenna springs up. But like your Gem, I still go out.
LOL...my scorp says that to me too. When I hear that, my antenna springs up. But like your Gem, I still go out.
"i hope you're all happy, having shattered my dreams."
Oh, quit with the theatrics. Just tell the girl how you feel or if you really have given up (yeah right) then walk away.
Oh, quit with the theatrics. Just tell the girl how you feel or if you really have given up (yeah right) then walk away.
scorpio_wreck,
You're a Man, not a chameleon! Gemini Woman will toy with you, and you'll never understand her mind, and therefore you will never possess her the way you need to...
Let her go. And, with good riddance! You two were on opposite planes of existence, and it would never have worked out no matter what. That's the truth. And you know it.
oh great man - all you're gonna get with attitude of yourz is just evasive girls.
You will never stop a Gem from flirting, sorry to say. All the ones I know are very outgoing. It's part of their nature.
Ms Pisces, are relationships a test of who can outmatch the other in epic game-playing? because if gem is playing games with me then i can play, too.
when she gets back i know she's going to call me and ask if i'm better yet (with my cold, she really wants this scorp's nuts...)
i can either play HER game (ask about the guy, vocalize my concerns about the exclusivity of our relations.) OR
i can make my own, give her the best sex of her life and ignore her for a few days, maybe a week. say that i'm busy doing this and that, etc etc. pretend to want to see her but have something always come up at the last minute.
i don't know. a part of me reeeeeally wants to turn the tables and see what happens.
when she gets back i know she's going to call me and ask if i'm better yet (with my cold, she really wants this scorp's nuts...)
i can either play HER game (ask about the guy, vocalize my concerns about the exclusivity of our relations.) OR
i can make my own, give her the best sex of her life and ignore her for a few days, maybe a week. say that i'm busy doing this and that, etc etc. pretend to want to see her but have something always come up at the last minute.
i don't know. a part of me reeeeeally wants to turn the tables and see what happens.
"because if gem is playing games with me then i can play, too."
Dude, you're gonna lose the game!!
Nobody plays as well or as often as a GEM.
You're serious about the rules, and she's not gonna read the handbook.
Accept it, or lose your mind...
"because if gem is playing games with me then i can play, too."
What kind of a relationship is that? It gets real old...real fast and is a waste of energy.
What kind of a relationship is that? It gets real old...real fast and is a waste of energy.
Listen SW we are all speculating here. We dont know this girl. She may not be playing any games whatsoever. The point here is that you like her very much. She's beautiful. So what? You cant change that. You need to learn to trust her - that is, if you want an adult relationship and not a childish fling.
You also need to learn to communicate.
You can play all the games in the world with her but what will that get you in the end? Nothing. Be true to yourself and to her and just get it all out in the open. It may be the best thing that ever happened to you - in that, she might tell you she's starting to feel the same. Or she might say differently, either way, you'd have done the mature thing.
You also need to learn to communicate.
You can play all the games in the world with her but what will that get you in the end? Nothing. Be true to yourself and to her and just get it all out in the open. It may be the best thing that ever happened to you - in that, she might tell you she's starting to feel the same. Or she might say differently, either way, you'd have done the mature thing.
Sea Siren: "What kind of a relationship is that?"
It's not one. I agree with you.
well, thanks for putting things into perspective for me everyone. ms pisces, i really don't like games, i just want to believe that the relationship i have with gem is not just one giant game...guess i've just been deluding myself. and i know i have been. i can't say why i continued to believe it, but i know it's not healthy...oh well. i saw all the signs like i normally do, and yet i always end up with the same kinds of girls. it's like i can pick them out from a mile away - out of a whole room full of girls, i'll pick up the three most evasive ones.
ugh and i know i'm way better than this, but i'll be attempting to be more aware of these things in the future.
ugh and i know i'm way better than this, but i'll be attempting to be more aware of these things in the future.
newbie, fuck if i know anything about anything. i'm going to go for a walk! my head hurts.
"out of a whole room full of girls, i'll pick up the three most evasive ones."
LOL...most scorps do. It's in your nature. You like the challenge. I personally think with your gem rising, a gem would be pretty good for you.
LOL...most scorps do. It's in your nature. You like the challenge. I personally think with your gem rising, a gem would be pretty good for you.
Well when I used to go for/attract evasive types, it was (I think) because of my own commitment issues. I believe this is very often the case.
And of course, SW, if by any chance you had an absent parent or someone in your life when you were young who treated you inconsistently, you may have set a pattern for interpreting hot/cold behaviours as love.
OR... you may just get horny when you're around game players!
Seems to me the biggest issue here is - why does this bother you? If I didnt know better I'd say there's a part of you ready to grow up and stop the games and get some nice, sexy lady to commit to a relationship. Not a game.
If not, enjoy Gem Girl and don't worry us with the details. But if you think you're actually beginning to tire of the evasive ones, give it some thought. In answer to your question above, games and relationship don't really go together for most of us. Not good relationships, at least.
And of course, SW, if by any chance you had an absent parent or someone in your life when you were young who treated you inconsistently, you may have set a pattern for interpreting hot/cold behaviours as love.
OR... you may just get horny when you're around game players!
Seems to me the biggest issue here is - why does this bother you? If I didnt know better I'd say there's a part of you ready to grow up and stop the games and get some nice, sexy lady to commit to a relationship. Not a game.
If not, enjoy Gem Girl and don't worry us with the details. But if you think you're actually beginning to tire of the evasive ones, give it some thought. In answer to your question above, games and relationship don't really go together for most of us. Not good relationships, at least.
lol I like how you wrote your blog scorpio_wreck. Interesting way to write
Man up and take the pain
swallow your jealousy - its not poison
swallow your jealousy - its not poison
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