So how do you know when..?
This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by ScorpAscVirgo on Thursday, April 3, 2008 and has 27 replies.
I've been reading Roxi and TK's threads with interest. I've had some good advice on here about patience, fearlessness, etc... but I am left with this question: Given all that is said about Scorpio 'tests', how do you know when it's REALLY over - when patience is inappropriate because it's not a test, it's simply the end?
The Scorpio I've been seeing has said that he 'would prefer to leave the You and Me, take a step back and see how it goes'. Fine. He has a huge amount of things going on in his life - as do I - and that seems perfectly reasonable. But - see how WHAT goes, exactly? The only step back from seeing each other is to not see each other, right? I have taken this as a break-up (because it's the only way I could see it) but where's he at? (And yes, I'll ask him in person next time we meet, which may not be for a couple of weeks - just interested what people here think).
He said, right after the above, "I don't want you to stop emailing and texting, because I'd miss that. But that's up to you."
That was when I began to wonder if this is in fact some kind of test.
It does smack rather of havin your cake and eating it, or even the dreaded commitment phobia. But I did just wonder - to what lengths can these tests go? I've probably failed it if he's looking for drama and excitement, cos I've assured him that although I'm a little sad right now, I want to remain good friends. Not very exciting, but the best this Virgo can do. I like the guy. He wants to keep in touch and when I said I wanted to take a class he goes to next term, he told me he'd 'love that'.
Have I inadvertently called his bluff? Did he *mean* it was over or really that he just needs space? And WHY? The night before, he was cuddling me, telling me his deep thoughts, etc etc...
To be honest my darned Virgo side has kicked in and I'm more curious than anythin, now. I'm fond of him but obviously one shouldn't dangle on a thread if the thread isn't attached to anything!
Insights, anyone? (And yes, you warned me, and I'm grateful!)
Thanks
SAV x
The Scorpio I've been seeing has said that he 'would prefer to leave the You and Me, take a step back and see how it goes'. Fine. He has a huge amount of things going on in his life - as do I - and that seems perfectly reasonable. But - see how WHAT goes, exactly? The only step back from seeing each other is to not see each other, right? I have taken this as a break-up (because it's the only way I could see it) but where's he at? (And yes, I'll ask him in person next time we meet, which may not be for a couple of weeks - just interested what people here think).
He said, right after the above, "I don't want you to stop emailing and texting, because I'd miss that. But that's up to you."
That was when I began to wonder if this is in fact some kind of test.
It does smack rather of havin your cake and eating it, or even the dreaded commitment phobia. But I did just wonder - to what lengths can these tests go? I've probably failed it if he's looking for drama and excitement, cos I've assured him that although I'm a little sad right now, I want to remain good friends. Not very exciting, but the best this Virgo can do. I like the guy. He wants to keep in touch and when I said I wanted to take a class he goes to next term, he told me he'd 'love that'.
Have I inadvertently called his bluff? Did he *mean* it was over or really that he just needs space? And WHY? The night before, he was cuddling me, telling me his deep thoughts, etc etc...
To be honest my darned Virgo side has kicked in and I'm more curious than anythin, now. I'm fond of him but obviously one shouldn't dangle on a thread if the thread isn't attached to anything!
Insights, anyone? (And yes, you warned me, and I'm grateful!)
Thanks
SAV x
I agree with both of you. I'm not willing to get to the heartsick stage. I'm not willing for him to still get what HE would like whilst not giving me anything I would like.
Hell, I want to be lusted after and cherished!!
Hell, I want to be lusted after and cherished!!
Whoops - er, both of your POSTS! lol
The 'Need my space' is only one notch up from 'It's not you, it's me' IMHO. I just wondered if anyone thought differently?
The 'Need my space' is only one notch up from 'It's not you, it's me' IMHO. I just wondered if anyone thought differently?
ahahhaha choco
you're funny
you're funny
""""it can be very stop, start for a LONG time with a scorpio. swings and roundabouts.""""
Roxi, for this LONG time, how long is it? a Year? 2 years? 10? I wonder this with my scorp, he still gets moody, and sometimes its right out of the blue! and its just like wtf? But Ive learned to deal with it, I understand that he needs time.
Roxi, for this LONG time, how long is it? a Year? 2 years? 10? I wonder this with my scorp, he still gets moody, and sometimes its right out of the blue! and its just like wtf? But Ive learned to deal with it, I understand that he needs time.
she does write well when she wants to- i agree.
*that's what it is like inside a scorpios mind when we feel a strong attraction. our instinctive reaction is to push you away and then go silent. during the silence is when we process our reaction to you not being around and if it is a significant enough reaction to warrant continuing the relationship. it can be very stop, start for a LONG time with a scorpio. swings and roundabouts.*
Thanks Roxi, I suppose that's the answer part of me was expecting from someone, because - I know he cares. I did wonder if he'd just panicked because he cared too much. Not that that's necessarily a good basis for a relationship, of course... I hadn't realised til I came on here that the push-pull is meant to be a Virgoan trait though I certainly recognise it in my own life, looking back. And with Scorpio rising too I can identify with that sudden feeling of going down a mineshaft when you think there might be potential.
That's one reason I have made it clear to him that I need to not be in close contact for a little while (thouh have reassured him I'll be back in touch because I care about him) - because I figured that if he really DOES need to see if he misses me, there's no point being in touch with him so that he doesn't have room to do that. It'd be the emotional equivalent of not needing to buy the cow!
Something inside is telling me this might be the 'swings and roundabouts' y'all go on about. It may not be. Only time will tell on that one, I guess. But it's interesting to see what people think. Thanks.
BTW I've already got a couple of poems out of it myself, so feel free!
SAV x
Thanks Roxi, I suppose that's the answer part of me was expecting from someone, because - I know he cares. I did wonder if he'd just panicked because he cared too much. Not that that's necessarily a good basis for a relationship, of course... I hadn't realised til I came on here that the push-pull is meant to be a Virgoan trait though I certainly recognise it in my own life, looking back. And with Scorpio rising too I can identify with that sudden feeling of going down a mineshaft when you think there might be potential.
That's one reason I have made it clear to him that I need to not be in close contact for a little while (thouh have reassured him I'll be back in touch because I care about him) - because I figured that if he really DOES need to see if he misses me, there's no point being in touch with him so that he doesn't have room to do that. It'd be the emotional equivalent of not needing to buy the cow!
Something inside is telling me this might be the 'swings and roundabouts' y'all go on about. It may not be. Only time will tell on that one, I guess. But it's interesting to see what people think. Thanks.
BTW I've already got a couple of poems out of it myself, so feel free!
SAV x
Yes, thanks - I thought that the minute I read what I'd posted! lol
Ah well - his loss I guess...
Thanks!
Ah well - his loss I guess...
Thanks!
I did, though, make it clear that I know it's over and that it would be Friends from now on.
There ARE some emotionally mature men in their forties somewhere on the planet, right?? lol
There ARE some emotionally mature men in their forties somewhere on the planet, right?? lol
***Roxi, for this LONG time, how long is it? a Year? 2 years? 10? I wonder this with my scorp, he still gets moody, and sometimes its right out of the blue! and its just like wtf? But Ive learned to deal with it, I understand that he needs time.***
Depends on the relationship, bond and connection. In my experience it took a month or so, way before I was there.
***That's one reason I have made it clear to him that I need to not be in close contact for a little while (thouh have reassured him I'll be back in touch because I care about him) - because I figured that if he really DOES need to see if he misses me, there's no point being in touch with him so that he doesn't have room to do that.***
Trust me, once he has had time to process if his decision is that he wants to be with you, he will act on it especially when you don't contact him... They can get really aggressive, panicked and even obssessed. I wonder if scorp men just crave to be desired and when they aren't or think that the object of their affection is losing that for them they lose it?
Depends on the relationship, bond and connection. In my experience it took a month or so, way before I was there.
***That's one reason I have made it clear to him that I need to not be in close contact for a little while (thouh have reassured him I'll be back in touch because I care about him) - because I figured that if he really DOES need to see if he misses me, there's no point being in touch with him so that he doesn't have room to do that.***
Trust me, once he has had time to process if his decision is that he wants to be with you, he will act on it especially when you don't contact him... They can get really aggressive, panicked and even obssessed. I wonder if scorp men just crave to be desired and when they aren't or think that the object of their affection is losing that for them they lose it?
Exactly my point crazychick. My scorp friend has been taking leaps and bounds trying to make sure he is present in my life. Although we agreed to take some time apart before turning this intimate thing into a friendship. It is hard on me because of this and because I care for him so much. However, it can get a little annoying too. They are persistant as hell! Annoying but flattering at the same time. Especially when they are an open book, want you to know everything about everything. Even things you'd rather not know about. LOL!
If a multitude of things were different our involvement would be but it is what it is. I know myself, so I have to look out for me first.
If a multitude of things were different our involvement would be but it is what it is. I know myself, so I have to look out for me first.
*** I know it is impossible to leave when they don't want to let you go isn't it? Well I decided to give him second chance, but time will tell as always.***
OH, IT IS POSSIBLE. Just EXTREMELY CHALLENGING. LOL!!! Just stand your ground this time around and let him chase to prove his seriousness. As a scorp woman, we can be intimate with a person we love even when our emotions are going away. Just because we are horny and familiar with this person and like having sex with them. We would rather sex familiar than several new ones...
However, scorp men surprisingly seem to be the opposite in some cases. I know my scorp friend has told me about a girl or two who he had been casual with who was acting with him the way he is acting with me when he detached. Then when I told him that sounded familiar (he was acting like them with me) his excuse was. That was just sex. I actually am in love with you. A difference. My response: Maybe so, but reality doesn't make this (you and I) a possibility and yes people it goes beyond the fact that he is still legally married to his wife, some personality issues, goals and maybe some selfish issues, on my part come into play for this not to be ideal for a future relationship.
OH, IT IS POSSIBLE. Just EXTREMELY CHALLENGING. LOL!!! Just stand your ground this time around and let him chase to prove his seriousness. As a scorp woman, we can be intimate with a person we love even when our emotions are going away. Just because we are horny and familiar with this person and like having sex with them. We would rather sex familiar than several new ones...
However, scorp men surprisingly seem to be the opposite in some cases. I know my scorp friend has told me about a girl or two who he had been casual with who was acting with him the way he is acting with me when he detached. Then when I told him that sounded familiar (he was acting like them with me) his excuse was. That was just sex. I actually am in love with you. A difference. My response: Maybe so, but reality doesn't make this (you and I) a possibility and yes people it goes beyond the fact that he is still legally married to his wife, some personality issues, goals and maybe some selfish issues, on my part come into play for this not to be ideal for a future relationship.
Yeah, that sounds right... LOL!!! They are this way when they think they are losing control. Honestly women who give them everything they want bore them.
Can't he stay with you? If not there are always nice hotel suites... LOL!
Can't he stay with you? If not there are always nice hotel suites... LOL!
Yes Roxi, I am not a snooper at all. I feel the truth will come out eventually, whatever it is. However scorp men... MAJOR snoopers. Suspicious as hell!
***awwww. the thing is though toro - they can be very hypocritical in this area.***
Very...
Very...
***oh, yes, my scorp guy should know by now. he probably does. he just strings me along because he enjoys my company, i guess. or the sex.****
And he will continue to until you call him on it or make some changes.
And he will continue to until you call him on it or make some changes.
***very true QS! it is partly my fault. one - because i haven't told him to bugger off, i have had enough of the "not knowing" and two - because i haven't talked to him enough about it. i need to drag what he is feeling out of him or i will never know.
next time i see him, i will make sure we have a nice little sit down.***
In my experience when a scorp female confronts a scorp male directly. He looks at it differently than usual as long as you are stern about. Don't get me wrong he will still try and get his way but it is up to you to stick to your guns.
next time i see him, i will make sure we have a nice little sit down.***
In my experience when a scorp female confronts a scorp male directly. He looks at it differently than usual as long as you are stern about. Don't get me wrong he will still try and get his way but it is up to you to stick to your guns.
In my experience, they know pretty soon. If it is mutual then they go with that. Scorp/scorp combo is super intense. When it is bad it is super bad too.
"He said, right after the above, "I don't want you to stop emailing and texting, because I'd miss that. But that's up to you.""
Talk about arrogance. If I were you I wouldn't contact him. Like...EVER !
Give him that break from You and Me...permanently.
Seriously even if he contacts you don't respond...for like a month. No matter how much he begs. Teach him that you will not be treated with disrespect. He wants to take a step back because he's not in it but wants to still keep you dangling in case whatever he's off to pursue doesnt work out.
And should you still want him after you've ignored him and he's sweated, tell him he has to prove himself to you before you can trust him again. (just think of it this way...if the tables were turned a scorp would not take you back without that clause)
Talk about arrogance. If I were you I wouldn't contact him. Like...EVER !
Give him that break from You and Me...permanently.
Seriously even if he contacts you don't respond...for like a month. No matter how much he begs. Teach him that you will not be treated with disrespect. He wants to take a step back because he's not in it but wants to still keep you dangling in case whatever he's off to pursue doesnt work out.
And should you still want him after you've ignored him and he's sweated, tell him he has to prove himself to you before you can trust him again. (just think of it this way...if the tables were turned a scorp would not take you back without that clause)
Newbie, I agree.
Cheers, guys!
So now, could people please describe how it was for them when they had the Push-Pull but stuck with it? Cos I get the impression that a lot of people here have done that (eg "It took a year but I am so glad I stuck with it" type remarks).
Not contacting him, thanks Newbie and QS!
Not contacting him, thanks Newbie and QS!
It lasted about two days when I was involved because ofcourse, me being a scorp called him on it and told him, look I don't have times for these games are we gonna hang out or what??? He got over the sudden shock of the response and stepped up his gemae then when I decided I wanted something serious I had to pull out of the deal. That sounded a little bogas huh? I do care for him dearly and it is fun being involved with him in momentary mode, but no future there so what's the use now that I am trying to lay down my playa card and actually try a relationship. LOL! It is hard, since he more persistant than ever now! But I must be strong!!!
"So now, could people please describe how it was for them when they had the Push-Pull but stuck with it?"
Well...first of all...submissive..big NO NO. Do not follow the cancerian's advise on TK's thread (this is not under any circumstances a shot at TK). Clingy gals suffer most with that phenomenon commonly known as the push-pull.
This is why it is EXTREMELY important to have a life outside your scorp's and to be independent. If you are, you don't notice as much when he's off to sulk - pretty much because he tends to do it less. He's too concerned about figuring out why he cant control you - in which case he's pretty much chasing you most of the time.
Ugh, what do I know? To be honest I dont remember any push-pulls. Maybe they were there, I just didnt notice. All I know is now I only wish there was a push thrown in every once in a while...you know, give a girl some room to breathe.
Well...first of all...submissive..big NO NO. Do not follow the cancerian's advise on TK's thread (this is not under any circumstances a shot at TK). Clingy gals suffer most with that phenomenon commonly known as the push-pull.
This is why it is EXTREMELY important to have a life outside your scorp's and to be independent. If you are, you don't notice as much when he's off to sulk - pretty much because he tends to do it less. He's too concerned about figuring out why he cant control you - in which case he's pretty much chasing you most of the time.
Ugh, what do I know? To be honest I dont remember any push-pulls. Maybe they were there, I just didnt notice. All I know is now I only wish there was a push thrown in every once in a while...you know, give a girl some room to breathe.
***He's too concerned about figuring out why he cant control you - in which case he's pretty much chasing you most of the time.***
This is very true... They are constantly wondering what you have going on, where you are, why? Whose there, why, what event? Why?
This is very true... They are constantly wondering what you have going on, where you are, why? Whose there, why, what event? Why?
What's this, ladies, the Italian thread?! Lol I speak Italian (as a matter of fact, went to a concert yesterday and got chatting to an Italian man - this, in a small town in Middle England!) and my older daughter moved to Rome a week ago! I keep getting texts saying things like, "By the Colisseum!" or, "Looking for the Spansin Steps!" She speaks French and SPanish but always wanted to learn Italian so now she's au-pairing. Dirty nappies (diapers) in Italian at 6.30am - a wonderful incentive to learn the language!!
D'OH! SPANISH steps!!
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