The Cancer ex has a new boyfriend

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by MrScorp on Sunday, March 25, 2012 and has 76 replies.
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I don't know if I was dreading this day or not really. Perhaps I was hoping it would be so distant from now that it wouldn't bother me.
Well, there's no getting away from it now!
We split in early January and I was aware that she was having the odd conversation with her new boyfriend i never thought they were getting closer. They used to work together so it wasn't like he was a random guy.
She is a cancer and it seems like she had 'seen the light' with him and literally jumped ship. I think that she had made her bed with this other guy and just had to break it off with me, wait a couple of months so it doesn't look like she was cheating then let it be known. I've read Cancers can do this, she shut down on me for the last couple of months, but I stuck with her!
Yes I found out by visiting her profile on bloody facebook! I hadn't been on it in about 3-4 weeks, so I don't know when she let it be known to the FB world!
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Yeah. I know I am good at this, but there's one massive point I should tell you...
On Thursday I went to the local pub for a quiz/night out and she was there. We didn't talk or anything, only a couple of words here and there, but before I left I noticed she was on her own and knelt down to her level (she was sat) gave her a kiss on the cheek said see you later, then got up said bye to a couple others and left!
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Yep. I suppose I was giving the last goodbye, not that I knew it at the time, It was just instinctual.
I heard that this is nothing serious and they have been out for a drink a couple of times.
My brothers girlfriend is mates with her so my bro told me this. Also she isn't even that keen apparently and misses my 'sensetive' side as he is quite different on this level.
I can't help but feel a little smug! smile
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Thankyou for the kind words! smile Yet again i find myself on this Emotional rollercoaster...still!
I just want to add, that I have changed my hair style and got some new clothes, also I've had a load of compliments from women too!
When my brothers girlfriend spoke to her, she said "He looks good doesn't he" to which she replied with a "yes" also she told her that I had been going out and seeing my old mates again, and my ex then said "if only he could have done this earlier!"
The thing is...I always had it in me, maybe she put my fire out? If you know what I mean? Lost my spark.
I seem to be good at this though, would you say it's 'Scorpio transformation'?
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Posted by ZipZapZoooom
The one i was with? I'd say, he put out my fire..... He's almost recovered his scorpness, while I'm still on the road to recovery. Yea, talkin to new folks with loadsa stories(both true n otherwise) comes easily to u guys. N don't be too smug abt it?


No, i'm not being smug at all it's just an ego boost really. It makes me feel good that she appears to be unsure of this nerw guy already and not in a nasty way, just kind of like i knew i was a good boyfriend.
On that subject though, i can be very confident in the fact that any new guy will have to do very well to surpass me! I was very good to her on the whole.
We both put each other's fire's out in the end. She dragged me down, but she got bored of me in the first place.
It just amazes me that she can jump ship so quickly. I guess Cancer's are 'that needy' that they feel like they have to have someone all the time.
I can be pretty sure that she was communicating with this guy when we were still together, then she was just looking for the right moment to end it with me before confirming that she is with him. I hate her for that.
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Posted by ZipZapZoooom
Posted by MrScorp
Posted by ZipZapZoooom
The one i was with? I'd say, he put out my fire..... He's almost recovered his scorpness, while I'm still on the road to recovery. Yea, talkin to new folks with loadsa stories(both true n otherwise) comes easily to u guys. N don't be too smug abt it?


No, i'm not being smug at all it's just an ego boost really. It makes me feel good that she appears to be unsure of this nerw guy already and not in a nasty way, just kind of like i knew i was a good boyfriend.
On that subject though, i can be very confident in the fact that any new guy will have to do very well to surpass me! I was very good to her on the whole.


And how/why is that?
And what surprises me is, your ego boost didnot come from the fact that u're naturally good at going out and meeting your mates/back in the mingling scene. It came from the fact that, Her life is going crappy. What was that?
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It makes me feel good to know i was a good boyfriend. That's all.
I do also feel good for the fact that i have made contact with my old mates again and i'm enjoying going out and doing what i want to do.
I would'nt say her life is going 'crappy'
I know your obviously loyal to your sign, but try seeing things from my point of view. To be fair, i think i have every reason to feel anger towards her at the moment. This hurts! Betrayal isn't nice. Yes she 'still loves me' and doesnt want to wipe me out of her life completely, but the girl can't have it both ways, i do have some pride, and she can't expect me to be mr happy go lucky and all smiles.
When we initially split, i was fine with the whole "i'm not going to hate you" and we can still be 'cool' but now, after she has so quickly started seeing someone else, this someone who she worked with up until christmas, and the person who she was communicating with which made us late for going out on my birthday, i now think otherwise.
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@ZipZapZoooom - Jumped to conclusions and thought you were a Cancer! Ma bad! smile
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Posted by ellessque
sometimes we can be quite the masochists, huh?
if i were you, i'd defriend her. really. why let that pick at your brain from time to time?
do it quietly and uneventful, nobody will even notice smile


Yeah, i seem to be quite good at negative things, it's good and bad i suppose? Having said that, she did win my heart and for that i don't think i ever want to see her crash and burn. She has hurt me, so yes defriending is the way to go. I know i can never trust her again.
This whole thing is still whirling around in my head, when i get bored it's bad!
Yes quietly and uneventfully is my plan, i don't want any drama.
Posted by ZipZapZoooom
Posted by MrScorp
@ZipZapZoooom - Jumped to conclusions and thought you were a Cancer! Ma bad! smile


Oh thats ok.. was only making sure you didnot build your rest of your life around how she's going down the hole and how you're doing way better. Let her not affect you, I do understand that there have been repercussions and that you dont want to seem mr.Happy-go-lucky, but yea... slow dissociation from her, and doing good all by yourself should help. As long as you dont let negative thoughts and feelings fuel your propelling into the skyline (all scorps go that way anyway, i'd rather prefer 'em going the good way)... yea, it shouldnt be a problem smile
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I'm still finding it tough, but maybe this is the push i need to move on? Having a reason to dislike someone has to be good for moving on, right?
I am a bit concerned about the negativity. Revenge is a key trait, and i know i can get like this, but i actually do think that i can rise above all of that and not waste my time with it. At the end of the day, it will be to do with her, and i'm done with that.
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Posted by IntriguedScorp
Posted by MrScorp
Posted by ellessque

I am a bit concerned about the negativity. Revenge is a key trait, and i know i can get like this, but i actually do think that i can rise above all of that and not waste my time with it. At the end of the day, it will be to do with her, and i'm done with that.


Think of it as a growing opportunity on your way to becoming an eagle. The best revenge is living well. smile


smile Thank you.
My whole life seems like a quest, full of questions and learning about myself each day.
It's a rollercoaster alright! I read a post, i think it was by R1go on here and it was called "Stop the ride, I want to get off!" I can relate to that.
Each day is a new day i guess and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I need positivity right now! smile
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Posted by iwin32
Once you break up with your partner, it is better to cut/stop any kind of communication. All you're doing is hurting yourself by visiting her profile.


Yeah, very true!
It was a momentarily point of weakness on my behalf! I thought i could deal with it, but it did hurt, seeing the relationship status. It kind of took my breath away!
I just need to keep busy! Maybe exercise, play my drums when i can and keep my mind off the subject in general.
What do you think about talking to people/using the site? Helpfull, or going over the same ground? Kind of raking it all up again in a way?
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Guys...I am really struggling with this.
I can't sleep! I feel very anxious and stressed about it all, my appetite has been shot to pieces and my stomach and chest feel very tight.
The sleeping is grinding me down. It takes me hours to get to sleep for only a short period of time!
Is this just part of a breakup? I didn't feel this bad when we split! Now that I know she is with 'him' I am in a bad place.
She got closer to him when we were still together, maybe even at least kissed him too!
I feel betrayed, lost, anxious and used.
It's 5 am here and once again a very bad nights sleep has been had!
Do I cry and try to let it all out?
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I know i am, but this is so hard! I am struggling with it!
Just a huge feeling of betrayal I am dealing with amongst other feelings.
I know all of the phrases and sayings that are used in times like this and I know they are true, but I can't see the wood from the trees just yet.
Being in this position definately screws up logic and rational judgement.
Don't get me wrong, I know it's a terrible idea to contact her, the thought has entered my mind to send a text saying what she's done to me, but what good would that do!
What is anyone supposed to say to that?!
Right now, as far as she knows I am doing just fine!
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Hey! Thanks IntriguedScorp!
That's a pretty accurate analysis, hand on my heart I really didn't do much wrong at all. I know this! Perhaps this is why it's so perplexing?!
Anyway...I thought earlier...she just wants to feel wanted so maybe 'mr new guy' makes her feel this way so she's going with it. Regardless of wether it's right or not! She has been with complete a**hole's because they mad her feel this way.
When she finds a good guy, she gets bored eventually and breaks it off and round and round she goes. She can't settle.
She had problems, problems a lot of guys wouldnt put up with, I did! Maybe this is also why people are in a state of disbelief about her breaking it off.
Just gotta think...it's her loss, I genuinely feel this way sometimes!
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someone needs to let go...
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Yeah, all of the advice has been pretty sound. Thankyou everyone, it does mean a lot.
It's just such a predominant thing in my life right now, that it does take over. I do find myself obsessing over it.
I know all the things I need to do, but I just can't seem to yet! I really hope I can very soon!
Maybe I will just get fed up of feeling this way and just stop, I don't know.
I literally never go on Facebook anymore, but does that put out a message of sadness on my behalf?
All of these stupid websites I've been on, tell you to keep your profile up to date, make posts etc...
I'm just doing what I want and what feels right though.
The fact that she has already moaned to ny brothers girlfriend about the new guy, I can't help but find positive, not because I think I have a chance again (I can't trust her, never again! For the record) but for some reason I can't put my finger on. I did try and explain in an earlier post, but I'm not the best with words!
I must Forget her! I know I have to!
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some women like to be in a cycle of moaning about their man...specially water signs!! i remember when i was very close friends with two other scorps..one of whom died when she was 27....and we spent years having the same conversations involving the same complaints about the same men..but we still stayed with 'em!!!
eww..it was horrible. we were like the three witches at the opening of macbeth.
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i would personally not be able to even see that person's name on facebook, let alone check their profile. it's best of you block her and extend that to real life.
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Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
i would personally not be able to even see that person's name on facebook, let alone check their profile. it's best of you block her and extend that to real life.


Oh R1go I know!...I feel it, what a bitch eh!
But why the hell do I feel like this?! Seriously...I ain't a bad looking lad, I'm 24 and I did very, very little wrong.
Our relationship had run its course, we were good, then things went down hill gradually.
I was willing to talk, she wasn't, I didn't confront the problem and I'm sure your yawning away like a champ now!
She's obviously had an effect on me, maybe cus I fell pretty hard and now I feel like she has betrayed me by going out with someone she works with, obviously an attraction/feeling was made or felt when we were still together!
I didn't even look twice at any other woman when we were together.
Heartbreak?
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yeah, i agree...it's all the analysing of what's happened and what's happening now that's doing you no good. it's nothing to do with the way you look either. this friend of mine says: 'show me a supermodel and i'll show you a guy who's bored with fucking her'. and that works for both genders.
you probably don't think you can bear to let her go but you're actually causing yourself more pain in holding on. not preaching here either, just passing on the benefit of my own mistakes smile
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Posted by scorchedearth
mr scorp, both of you contributed to the break up. the sooner you figure out what you did wrong and how you're going to fix it the sooner you'll be ready and safe to date other people.
obsessing over someone that has moved on just hurts you. it doesn't bother her at all. do you want someone who you're not even with anymore to have that kind of power over you?


I want to get over this as soon as possible!
Yes we did both contribute, we ground each other down towards and at the end.
I actually was ok with it all, until she started seeing this guy.
Surely this is a reason to kick on and think "F**k her" she wasn't for me!
Maybe I still feel loyal? I am obsessing and I feel quite pathetic to be honest, no doubt I'll read this in the future and cringe.
Once again though, I just can't see it yet.
Time will tell perhaps? My insides just feel ripped out at the moment.
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Ok am I the only one that is thinking wow a Scorpio actually missing someone and having real legit feelings? I am not trying to be rude in any type of way but it's so weird to me seeing how a Scorpio actually comes out and talks about it. Maybe there is hope for Scorpio's in my book. Maybe they do have a heart.
But about this topic. I think you are also only hurting yourself. She has moved on. I would let it go and find someone else who will do what she won't.
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Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
yeah, i agree...it's all the analysing of what's happened and what's happening now that's doing you no good. it's nothing to do with the way you look either. this friend of mine says: 'show me a supermodel and i'll show you a guy who's bored with fucking her'. and that works for both genders.
you probably don't think you can bear to let her go but you're actually causing yourself more pain in holding on. not preaching here either, just passing on the benefit of my own mistakes smile


Letting go is something I struggle with!
People like you R1go are what seem to get me though. It's quite strange because of how i feel now, but I must admit, I was bored with fucking her! Despite that, I stayed, I was loyal and I wanted to make everything better. I literally gave myself up for her, forgot all about me and let myself fall.
I analyse, analyse and then analyse some more! I need to know everything it seems even if it hurts like hell to find out!
Like a rollercoaster...Stop the ride I want to get off! I can't!
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@ZipZap. All I want is love, a genuine understanding of each other, respect, honesty and loyalty.
Maybe for me that would make happiness.
No, it's not the fact that she moved on faster than me, more a case of who it was with.
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I think Scorp's are very misunderstood with having feelings.
I am very compassionate, but perhaps it's just people who win our hearts also win our time?
I simply don't bother wasting my time on people who I think aren't worth it. How about putting that to use with one particular person eh?!
Anger is the feeling now and a strong feeling of how dare she! So maybe it will make things easier,
I hope so!
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Posted by Xin
Ok am I the only one that is thinking wow a Scorpio actually missing someone and having real legit feelings? I am not trying to be rude in any type of way but it's so weird to me seeing how a Scorpio actually comes out and talks about it. Maybe there is hope for Scorpio's in my book. Maybe they do have a heart.
But about this topic. I think you are also only hurting yourself. She has moved on. I would let it go and find someone else who will do what she won't.


yeah...i think you are probably in the minority who are suprised about scorps revealing legit feelings...this is the scorp board?
this is the common misconception and it's probably caused cos we have difficulty expressing our feelings to the object of them and so we tend to withdraw and go silent to process which is sometimes not so good if our judgement is a bit askew concerning the situation we're in.
we have very real and intense feelings...we just tend to keep them to ourselves. mainly cos it makes us feel pathetic and weak to be at the mercy of our emotions...loss of control...horrible for scorps.
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What do you guys recommend I do from here?
I need to keep my dignity, so refrain from ringing her and demanding answers (which felt like a good idea earlier!)
I have removed her from my life as best as I can so far, all memory triggers are gone and although she's still a 'friend' on Facebook I have unsubscribed from everything she does and blocked her from seeing me online and popping up in the chat box.
That's all external though. How do I get her out of my mind?!
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"Heartbreak?"
Yes, dear....yes.
It will pass...in time.
(((hugs))
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Posted by Let*It*Be
" You change your routine in life...do something different. Run, walk, workout, buy something for yourself, change your timing of daily habits.


Ok, I'll have to give this a go because this isn't healthy for me.
Do you think I need to forgive? I know she doesn't want to hurt me and this was very difficult to think when I found out, because it seems like she hasn't a care in the world about me, but whatever anyone says, I do know that she wouldn't want to see me hurt.
Perhaps if I forgive her, at the end of the day she was more attracted to someone else and that is normal. Just sucks for me knowing she is with someone else now! Then I might be able to forget, then move on?
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@R1g0rM0rT1s
Thanks for the insight. I guess maybe no one has put it that way. I never understood how someone could be so reclusive yet have such intense feelings. As most of you know I am a Gemini so to me you are interesting specimens which should be studied at all cost! I'm sure he looks at me like I am crazy and vice versa. So different but we seem to get along sometimes when he's not licking his wounds.
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Posted by Let*It*Be
"
Everyone deals with hurt/forgiveness in different ways. I go with the belief that everything happens for a reason, if it's meant to be it will happen. We've all been hurt. I have to process what took place first, if it was not intentional hurt I usually always end up forgiving. I'm friends with my ex's. I have to tell you it's much easier than having the awkwardness running into them somewhere down the road. So it's how much you can put in the past and leave it there. Don't expect it to be soon or rush to be friendly, that never works. Process it and get the monkey off your back first.


This reads to me like some sound advice. Not that any of the previous pieces weren't! I am very gratefull for the responses I have had so far, all are very substantial!
I connect with this perhaps a little more though.
We had some brief communication today, to cut a long story short she is more like 'mates' with the new guy and she has told me that she would actually like to have a chat with me some time soon.
This isn't a 'get back together' thing, it literally means that...just a chat. At the end of the day we both hold each other very dearly and I know I can tell her anything. So I will do that, honesty is the best policy. smile
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Posted by everevolvingepithet
That's great news mrscorp smile


Thanks! smile
I would really appriciate your thoughts on this though...When she text me saying her and the new guy are more like mates and she would want to have a chat with me sometime, the horrible feeling I had been carrying around, just dissapeared instantly! It was actually quite amazing!
I could easily eat again and my anxiety took a running jump.
Why do you think this happened though? It has to be a negative thing in my eyes, am I being posessive? If I can't have her then no one can kind of thing.
Am I just jealous? Or was I just feeling 'dumped' I say that because I went out last night and got a lot of attention and felt very happy about it!
Typical Scorp?
Or immature young man? What does that say for you?
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Posted by MrScorp
Posted by everevolvingepithet
That's great news mrscorp smile


Thanks! smile
I would really appriciate your thoughts on this though...When she text me saying her and the new guy are more like mates and she would want to have a chat with me sometime, the horrible feeling I had been carrying around, just dissapeared instantly! It was actually quite amazing!
I could easily eat again and my anxiety took a running jump.
Why do you think this happened though? It has to be a negative thing in my eyes, am I being posessive? If I can't have her then no one can kind of thing.
Am I just jealous? Or was I just feeling 'dumped' I say that because I went out last night and got a lot of attention and felt very happy about it!
Typical Scorp?
Or immature young man? What does that say for you?
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i think the bad feeling went cos you felt she gave you hope.
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Posted by MrScorp
Posted by everevolvingepithet
That's great news mrscorp smile


Thanks! smile
I would really appriciate your thoughts on this though...When she text me saying her and the new guy are more like mates and she would want to have a chat with me sometime, the horrible feeling I had been carrying around, just dissapeared instantly! It was actually quite amazing!
I could easily eat again and my anxiety took a running jump.
Why do you think this happened though? It has to be a negative thing in my eyes, am I being posessive? If I can't have her then no one can kind of thing.
Am I just jealous? Or was I just feeling 'dumped' I say that because I went out last night and got a lot of attention and felt very happy about it!
Typical Scorp?
Or immature young man? What does that say for you?
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I agree it's hope and it feels good. Go with it and see what happens. No expections as to the outcome. Stay sober and keep emotions in check.
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If it is hope...do you not see that as potentially dangerous for me? Going to hurt like hell again?
What do you make of her seeing this guy too? I put it down to her being quite needy/clingy and she always feels better when she's with someone rather than being single. Also, it's nice to feel wanted.
Yet the negativity is already there, saying he's not like me with sensetivity. I know Cancers usually compare previous boyfriends to current ones so i'm not reading much into that, but it does make me frown if she's just being with him because she doesnt want to be on her own....confusing!
@LunarMaiden - I will just go with it, i'm going to try and see things from as much of a neutral perspective as i can. What ever happens will happen, and like Let*It*Be says...if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
I just don't want her to take advantage if i be totally honest with her. I do know the girl, but i've never seen what she's like post break up! She does hold me dear, so i'm hoping she won't try and make it as advantageous for her!
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Posted by MrScorp
If it is hope...do you not see that as potentially dangerous for me? Going to hurt like hell again?
What do you make of her seeing this guy too? I put it down to her being quite needy/clingy and she always feels better when she's with someone rather than being single. Also, it's nice to feel wanted.
Yet the negativity is already there, saying he's not like me with sensetivity. I know Cancers usually compare previous boyfriends to current ones so i'm not reading much into that, but it does make me frown if she's just being with him because she doesnt want to be on her own....confusing!
@LunarMaiden - I will just go with it, i'm going to try and see things from as much of a neutral perspective as i can. What ever happens will happen, and like Let*It*Be says...if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
I just don't want her to take advantage if i be totally honest with her. I do know the girl, but i've never seen what she's like post break up! She does hold me dear, so i'm hoping she won't try and make it as advantageous for her!


like i said before, you have to deal with the facts as you know them. she says she is mates with this guy but she's still seeing him! the fact you can gleen from that is that whatever she's saying to you, she's saying something totally different to the other guy. however you look at that fact, it's not a way you want to be treated...or anyone wants to be treated. you need to know where you stand if you're sposed to be dating someone and you need to be with someone honest and open for that to happen.
the evidence suggests that it's not the case with this girl. she wants her cake and eat it too. you can choose to slice yourself up and offer yourself to her on a plate but my advice would be to stay away until it's clear, beyond reasonable doubt, what she wants from you but more importantly, what YOU want from HER.
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Hmm. I have a lot of things to consider don't i!
I don't think she knows what she wants! I am just doing nothing in the mean time about us, no communication from my side.
I'll test her if she actually meant what she said about 'having a chat' in my opinion, she is the one who looks like she's left me for someone else so where's the cancerian's big heart here?
I genuinely don't think she left me for him though. Not that i'm saying she's a saint, this guy was probably laying the ground work and waiting for us to split up, she might have told work mates that we weren't going great which caught his attention.
For now...she can get on with it. It's quite a good position for me though too, because i look better than i did when i was with her. I'm doing more things and word gets round fast here!
If she get's in contact, then i'll go with the flow, but at the end of the day the whole thing is a lesson and i'll be wiser for it!
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Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
Posted by MrScorp

like i said before, you have to deal with the facts as you know them. she says she is mates with this guy but she's still seeing him! the fact you can gleen from that is that whatever she's saying to you, she's saying something totally different to the other guy. however you look at that fact, it's not a way you want to be treated...or anyone wants to be treated. you need to know where you stand if you're sposed to be dating someone and you need to be with someone honest and open for that to happen.
the evidence suggests that it's not the case with this girl. she wants her cake and eat it too. you can choose to slice yourself up and offer yourself to her on a plate but my advice would be to stay away until it's clear, beyond reasonable doubt, what she wants from you but more importantly, what YOU want from HER.



Very good point! She could well be telling me there more like mates because she know's she's hurt me.
She isn't good at telling people how it is, yes i am sensetive and hurt easily, but even when we broke up, she wasn't forthcoming at all and never actually managed to say "I dont want to be with you anymore" or "It's over"
Do you think that it is a good idea to do nothing, no contact now?
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Thanks people! The response's are quite flattering, for want of a better word! smile
At the end of the day, i can't wait around for her. I stuck by her when she was bad, now she's had cold feet, she ended it, without us actually talking about the problem!
With regards to contacting the other guy, I think this would be detrimental to the situation and to my pride. I do think he would tell her 100% yes, and i also do think he is a dirty little weasel!
Yes, he has effectively stole my girl and for that i am P***ED about! But if she was that great then she wouldnt've dived in so soon after we split. A bit of respect lacking here i think!
She looks bad here, not me!
This is a test, and i think potentially a resounding one. By me doing nothing, the ball is in her court and i can rely on the fact that i know this guy is up against it by competing with me. Don't take that as a big headed or jealous remark, i just know he is. If their relationship lasts longer than ours then i'll have to admit defeat but for now, we will wait and see.
I do feel negativity towards her. She has hurt me, and once bitten twice shy! The saying goes, but i prefer once burnt, twice as careful!
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Pecheresse - First and foremost...Thanks! smile
When you say to take my sweet time Winking I see this as live for myself, do what i want and to not dwell. Time will tell! (A very underrated saying i think! Easy to say though eh!

A mistake has been made? Possibly from her side, but i'm not perfect! My/our faults could have been too much to bare for her. Maybe they were so she will stick to her decision.
It's just a shame, i always felt that every hurdle we came up against if we talked, was open and honest then we would have jumped it and been better afterwards. People differ though and that's how i see things, she didn't and would rather not talk and sort the issue, but ignore it.
It's in my nature to help ones i care for, so i stuck with it! I'm not a 'cut and run' type of person, which has it's negatives!
Experience is a huge asset in times like these, i just lack it. I am quite mature for my age i think, but real 'life' issues i am lacking. She has more experience at this sort of thing, she's 6 years older than me and had a couple of serious relationships before me.
Where as this is my first serious one.
I don't want to dwell on it at all, but feel like talking about it is good!
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Yes, that's a very positive statement! smile
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MrScorp - any major Scorp placement brings with it unmatched loyalty - and also a lot of turmoil. Very few people value such commitment on an emotional level - most of the time, people analyze, make use of such loyalty, and disappear. She appears to be taking you for granted. As much as you wrestle with the problem, your thoughts won't be objective. It's as if you're caught in a hurricane - the depth of your emotions blow your intellect and all rationality away. Give it time, and let the storm settle. You will realize your worth.
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Posted by trine
MrScorp - any major Scorp placement brings with it unmatched loyalty - and also a lot of turmoil. Very few people value such commitment on an emotional level - most of the time, people analyze, make use of such loyalty, and disappear. She appears to be taking you for granted. As much as you wrestle with the problem, your thoughts won't be objective. It's as if you're caught in a hurricane - the depth of your emotions blow your intellect and all rationality away. Give it time, and let the storm settle. You will realize your worth.


I'm like this 100000% My loyalty is HUGE! This has been made even more apparent by what happened tonight!
I'll fill you all in later and when i've had some sleep but lets just say we had a face to face chat for over 3 hours! Cleared the air and established a few things. smile
It's not a get back together thing, just a friendship realisation i think and a huge clear the air thing.
Let*It*Be - You said about being friends is much easier than having the awkwardness in a previous post and i totally agree.
It's just when she starts seeing someone else that might make it different.
Needless to say really that the new boyfriend really is a douche.
She's not playing two guys off on each other here people, i want to establish that.
Yes i am loyal, but i do know the girl! My head has just been all over the place since we split, but when push comes to shove i know.
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don't become someone she takes all her whines about who she's seeing to? if he's a douche, why's she with him or is that your conclusion from the things she's told you?
it'll be interesting to see what happened. you sound happier at least smile
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Right people, here's what happened!
Basically she asked if i'd mind about something if she came along too (via text) and i eventually (after some thought and consultation) said that i would, so would prefer it if she didnt come, cutting a long story short, she was annoyed that i didnt give her a straight answer, that then p***ed my off so i got in my car and drove to the pub.
We then had an argument about the whole thing to begin with! After that it calmed down and we just had a chat in general.
In a nutshell, she said she is the one with the problem and that i didn't do anything wrong. I was the best boyfriend she ever had and she is hurt that she hurt me. Also she did say how the 'new boyfriend' is just like a mate, and she only changed the fb status because she likes everything to be sorted and organised (i dont get that though) Also yes he is the least romantic person ever and doesn't treat her well at all. I did say he was up against it didn't i! lol Winking
She misses me a lot and my family but this is the very confusing part...Her problem is settling down, the second she feels an inch of boredom or mundane routine she gets frustrated and unhappy. I said to her that i can't be exciting all of the time and to some extent that's life! She is looking for Mr Perfect and knows she wont find it, but can't help how she feels.
She said that she could have spent every minute of every day with me but we were more like mates to some extent.
Also, i did let her pretty much walk all over me, i lost my identity and i think the two go hand in hand.
I am actually good now, maybe this is Scorpio transormation that i have never experienced before? But i have made a few changes to my appearance and i'm doing what i want. She can see this and did comment about it, i just said that my problem is that i am good on my own but i don't want to be, so when i find someone who is actually worth falling for i forget all about me and concentrate on them!
All in all, it was good though, i did feel better about the situation.
What do y'all think?
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Posted by Let*It*Be
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You got a dose of closure..enter more transformation, and move on. She is by no means (according to what you share she is saying) ready for a relationship. Her head is not in a relationship zone, and for some reason (whether she is looking for mr. perfect or not) she freaks when she puts the label "in a relationship" and has to play the part. This has nothing to do with you. I'd leave it right where it's at. She made it clear it's not you. Until she fixes what's confusing her there isn't a damn thing you can do. Find someone who is ready for the relationship you are, it'll save hurt feelings and scratching your head bald.




This is the intention on my behalf! I do plan to leave it right where it's at. She has hurt me here and you all know about Scorpio forgiveness! I just can't trust her again, i felt like i was juggling a lot of things to keep her happy, yes this was my own choice, but i felt the pressure to do so!
She isn't ready for a relationship and i tried to tell her that, but she is very needy and wants a relationship.
I am exactly the same, so i can relate. The feeling of not being able to love and be loved is quite an unbareable one, i just have so much love to give, but it's also my achillies heel!
Hopefully some lessons have been learnt, but i dont know if that is just the way i am or not, so would end up doing the same every time.
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Posted by iwin32
This is what frustrates/irritates me from women, they have everything, but they still want more. Just move on and don't waste your time.


Yup!
Look at what i also found online about her 'birthdate' astrology...
"July 15 natives have a genius for attracting individuals who can teach them the lessons they need to learn. Love and romance has its snares for these folks. They continually find themselves involved with people who aren't right for them, yet once they settle down with that perfect someone, they may feel the first faint stirrings of boredom."
That last sentance is scarily accurate it seems!
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Posted by IntriguedScorp
Getting back together never works out in my experience. Its an exercise in futility...


As nice as it sounds, and as much as i do miss her, i just know that i couldn't.
I wouldn't be able to fully trust her again, when she's moody what's the first thing i will think?
I'd be on edge most of the time.
It's her loss and as much as most people would think i should just forget it and move on, it is difficult. I am a very compassionate person and seeing her hurt does hurt me. Yes it is her fault, but i am very loyal and love her. Not to mention she is H.O.T! Hot! Looks need to take a back seat here though, it's the emotional connection i strive for as well as the looks and i think that may have been damaged beyond return.
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For the record people...she split from the new guy yesterday.
Oddly enough, I only felt sadness.
My loyalty to her is tremendous, I still won't see her upset and stand up for her through anything!
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Posted by Pecheresse
In the vocabulary of narcissist people, ex's, friends, even family members are just there to provide with narcissistic supply. A relationship is made of mirrors and the narcissist partner just mirrors whatever your personality projects, so that you think you met your soulmate. In fact it's all mindfuck. The partner is shallow and empty and devoid of any kind of empathy. When the honey moon phase is gone, they usually show their true colors. It's really harsh because you usually don't recognize them at all. They don't mirror you anymore. They don't care. They have other interests and let the relationship die. Or cheat on the side. Keep you for narcissistic supply. Attention mostly. When you cry, argue, throw tantrum, smile, kiss them, make love to them, all that, is attention. It is draining and it will fuck anyone up in the long run because it is only one sided. If you decide to finally call it quits, the narcissistic partner will hate you when you leave. How dare you abandon them? Narcissistic pain... Their ego is bruised. Deep down they want revenge... and when you're over them, dating someone else and rebuilding yourself, they'll pop a text or email reminding you of all the great stuff you guys shared, and pretending they never got over you in the first place. If you believe them, you're screwed. Back to square one, narcissistic supply you are. And so on and so forth.

http://samvak.tripod.com/
wow thats great and so true!
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aww@ the Cancer. As her opposite I can definitely relate to her feelings. Its good that you have closure now, and although you are probably still a little hurt, I'm confident you will be alright. As you said before, you have a lot of love to give so your only dilemma is finding the right person to give it too. Not saying that's easy, but I'm pretty sure you will have a easier time moving on then she will. Her issue is on a whole different level, and I felt from the beginning that it didn't have much to do with you. I also knew that she would be woman enough to sit and talk since it wasn't intentional to hurt you. That's all anyone can ask for in the end, closure. If I were you, I wouldn't feel sad for her, but I would be a friend cause she will need it. Just make sure to protect yourself and never fall for her again. When she's finally ready, she has to hope that someone will be there, which will be another issue. She's going to regret like h@ll all the good people she let drift away.
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