The New Routine... Sucks!

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by DyarStra?e on Thursday, February 14, 2008 and has 35 replies.

My Current Rant - I miss the Good Old Days; and, my Scorp makes me feel useless...
OLD ROUTINE: We got up together, had lunch at work together, took a walk together as soon as we got home from work, made dinner together, ate romantic dinners together, cuddled and watched TV together, soaked in the tub together, and, well, you know...
NEW ROUTINE: I get up by myself. I shave & shower by myself. I kiss ScorpWife in bed before I head to work. Talk to ScorpWife on the phone for a few minutes around lunch time. Come home to a clean, neat house; clean, happy Scorp Twins; elaborate (or, at least well-prepared) dinner well under way. Visit with ScorpWife and Twins, and hear about all the stuff they do for Mom but not for Dad. Play with Twins while ScorpWife sets the table. Dinner with ScorpWife and Twins -- with lots of interruptions while they do baby stuff. Try to watch TV with ScorpWife and Twins, which in reality is just watching them suckle and snuggle until we all get drowsy. Help ScorpWife tuck in Twins. Putz around on the computer, in the garage, or with the dog while ScorpWife gets her bath. Finally! Get to snuggle with ScorpWife, and, well, you know...
Yes, I fully realize I'm a cad, a whiner, and a big-time baby. But there you have it. Virgo honesty, that is...
But my Scorp has changed, too. She's now ScorpMom -- that fully competent household goddess who can do more in 10 minutes than I can do in 50. She expects compliance with her edicts, and will tolerate no nonsense from her recalcitrant husband -- especially any inference on his part that The Twins may have "666" somewhere on their scalps...
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Hey...this is life as a parent. Things change..life changes...and it will only continue for the next 17.5 years!! You better resign yourself to this or you're gonna get left in the dust!!!
Let's see..you got to get ready for teething, potty training, walking, first day of school, driving, proms, graduations, oh my...enjoy all these changes you are about to embark on!!!And the thing is, DYAR...when you look back on it, those times will come and go by so fast.....the joys of being a parent!!! Enjoy it now...because in reality, although you see babies now, it's almost like you blink, and they are gone.
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Your wife, has established a place of dominance , a temple. Fallow the rules and you will live happy-ily ever after. Missing the good old day? That never gets old, you will always wish for the old times, you will miss the twins once they are out of the house to. At least this is my perspective. When your old, in and unable to move, speak or listen and strapped down to a crummy bed, then you truly will miss the old days....For now accept the present, don't day dream to much in old days, or you might be left with no future.
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When they start talking back and disrespecting and questioning your motives, then you know its time to kick them out Big Grin
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Isnt watching a woman's maternal instincts develop out of seemingly nowhere truely a sight to behold?
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''and, my Scorp makes me feel useless...''
You cant blame other people. No one else but YOU is responsible for YOUR Happiness.
No one can make you feel 'useless' without your consent. It is YOU feeling like this. Get a grip and take some responsibility over your emotions.
You're a wimp.
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fumingli_scorp: "too much of the good old days would have become boring on the too long run, Dyar."
True. But no worries - my Scorp doesn't let anything get too boring!
"Usually new mothers don't feel very sexy. But you, my dear, can bring it out in her."
Uh, trust me, the passionate intensity is actually higher now than before The Twins came along -- the time we have alone is much more limited, and therefore much more precious...
Roxi: "how can having kids not change you? surely you are old enough to be able to deal with that."
I'm a middle-aged Virg. We don't like change, but we can roll with it. We're also gonna gripe about it while we're doing it. It's part of our charm...
[::smiles sweetly::]
Roxanne - that ain't foolin' nobody!
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Scorpion sting: "You're a wimp."
Is that your best shot?! Sh1t! My sweet little old Granny could do better than that!!
"No one can make you feel 'useless' without your consent."
Forget logic - that doesn't even make common sense. If you love a person, that person will affect you, and a spouse has a lot of influence on how you feel...
I take it you're not married? And, 26? By 26, I'd been married to a feisty Libra Woman for several years, and we stayed married for over 20 years. I think my understanding of husband-wife relations is somewhat more mature than yours...
I suspect that if a woman posted: "My boyfriend makes me feel ugly." You'd have no problem with her assigning the blame for her feelings to him.
BTW: Are you still chasing after that Cancer Guy who lives with his girlfriend?? I'm sure HE could "make you feel" all kinds of things if he dumped her for you.
Since you obviously missed it, my point was that my Scorp has everything under control at home. Virgos are great at keeping things running smoothly, and now there's no need for me to do that - I've become a 5th Wheel on the home front. It's not a problem, it's just a change. (And if the rest of you losers can come on DXP and whine about sh1t, so can I.)
But thanks for your input. It was a slow Friday at work, and you gave me something to write about...
... and, your youthful impulsive certainty supports my belief that I would never have dated my Scorp in her 20's. She had to grow up, and I had to loosen up. Thanks!!
HUGS & KISSES
~DyarStra?e
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Virgo as whiner? Really? Ho hum.
Rox, what is up with the new Lois Lane look? Tongue
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""Rox, what is up with the new Lois Lane look?""

what's up with your usual fatass look? stfu. rox is stylin'.
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Dy

You're jealous of the newborns. It's normal. At least you can admit it.
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SS: "You're jealous of the newborns. It's normal. At least you can admit it."
Excellent summation, and right on target -- My Scorp asked me just that yesterday.
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Dyastrabe granted that you have twins and all I just wanted to say that you should be thrilled to death to have a partner in crime in all of this. I never get a break. Ever. Never. Ever. Unless I can cough up the money to afford a sitter to get out for awhile. I do have friends that I have known forever that help me with my baby but I can tell you my sense of freedom was cut short the day my son came. He is the best thing that ever happened to me. But yes my life has done a true 180. I did have a partner to share my son with but he died. There are no guarantees in life. We never know what tommorow brings. Be glad that you have a wife that keeps your house and kiddos on track, cleaned and fed. Some mothers suffer post partum depression. Some women die during childbirth and leave the fathers a single parent. It could be much worse. Go kiss your wife.
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^^Beautifully said.
Sorry for your loss marchgirl.

Dy: I hope you use DXP to voice your nitpicking as opposed to saving it all for your wife. I can tell by some of the comments she's made(that you've posted) that your kinda aggravating/annoying her (especially about the baby boy). Im not saying you shouldn't voice your concerns, b/c we all know communication is key. Just stop whining.
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marchgirl80 and Dy, here is a local tearjerker story that puts it all into focus. Sry if it brings bad memories march:
Woman Dies Shortly After Giving Birth
Created: 2/8/2008 8:44:59 PM
Dave Ripson and his fiancee Patty had everything going for them. Both of them were in the prime of their lives, madly in love and looking forward to starting a family together. But Patty had her tubes tied after having a child 14 years ago. They decided to have the procedure to reverse it, but two pregnancies resulted in two miscarriages. Dave says
"It took another 4-5 months, we got pregnant again, all was going great really."
Finally, a viable pregnancy. Patty was going to have a daughter. "As time went on, she had ultrasound pictures after picture, handing them out to everyone, she was very excited," said her future mother in-law Rhonda. Then what should have been the best day of Dave's life, in half an hour, turned into the worst day of his life.
That day was a few days after Christmas. Patty was four days overdue so doctors decided to induce labor. That's when patty began complaining of unbearable pain. Rhonda described this way. "Some excrutiating pain started very soon the baby's heart rate started to drop some, doctors became a little concerned." Doctors ordered an immediate c-section.
A half hour later, nurses came out of the operating room with this beautiful, healthy bundle of joy. "They told us the baby was born at 2:09 weighing eight pounds and twelve ounces, mom and baby doing fine, thirty minutes later calling code blue. Everybody running from everywhere, running in that direction to the operating room. I knew it, I knew right then their was a problem. It was the best day for thirty minutes, the joy was something I will never forget, then it went to about the worst day."
Dave's instinct was right, there was a problem. Patty suffered a rare amniotic fluid embolism which leaked into her blood stream, causing an allergic reaction, eventually leading to a heart attack. She never regained consiousness, never got to see her little girl named Rebecca.
Six weeks later, Dave finds himself living once again at home with Mom and Dad, both who changed their schedules to help him raise Rebecca while he works full-time. Patty's spirit is never far away. "I ask Patty for help all the time. I feel her around me, please make sure I'm doing what you want me to do."
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That reminds me of the movie jersey girl with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. The point is none of us could fathom what tommorow brings. Be grateful of what you have today.
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Woman do tend to shift their priorities slightly after having kids, but she will remember every little thing you do for her and how supportive you are. Enjoy the moment.
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scorpion_rising: "Virgo as whiner? Really? Ho hum."
He's a smart-ass, but he's right. Nobody whines with as much precision or consistency as a Virgo!
MG80: "Be grateful of what you have today."
Y'all, I am grateful. I have a lot to be grateful for. I realize it.
Lady_M: "Dy: I hope you use DXP to voice your nitpicking as opposed to saving it all for your wife."
I vent here more than anywhere else. DXP is a great place for it.
"Just stop whining."
Nope, not gonna happen. Virgos are always gonna point out the stuff they don't like, don't agree with, can't make sense of, etc. We can manage it, but we can't stop it -- our heads would explode!
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EG: "Dyar - try not to think of yourself OUTSIDE of what Deb has with the twins."
I know - it's gone from the Two Of Us to the Four Of Us - and I accept it. And I know that as The Twins get older, there'll be a bigger (more obvious!) role for Dad. It's the Virgo Curse: We just wanna help; and, idle hands drive us nutz.
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Dyar - just grow a back bone will you. Quit wallowing in self-pity. It is a very unattractive trait in a male.
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Scorpion sting,
If I operated at your level, I'd say, "Grow up, will you?? Otherwise, you're gonna be 46 and still single."
My mature Scorpio Wife loves me for who I am -- whiny sh1t & all that. You should take lessons from her, if you won't listen to me...
EG: Thank you for sharing about your Virgo Dad. I hate that you lost him at such a young age. My VirDad is still hanging in there at going on 84 years. He's always been the Rock Of Gibraltar for us -- stable, reliable, and a Gate Keeper between our little household pond and the wide ocean of the world...
(THAT'S the way I want my children to remember me, too!)
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To Dyar (sorry guys couldn't read all your other comments - no time)
(((Hugs))) We scorps always get mostly involved with our children when we become mothers. You (our husband) used to be our center of attention, then... As protective and loving mothers we are when the babies come, they become the center. We still love you, but our maternal instincts guides us mostly to our offspring. Hmmm. I remember my Libra hubby feeling exactly this way after our daughter was born. My first and only baby... Don't forget you are still our man... give us time to balance, we get obssessed with our little ones sometimes.
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Dyar - Your excuses about your current situation are appalling. Gosh youre 46 years old - did you learn nothing in life about your inner self?
Youre the one that needs to grow up. I dont know why your wife puts up with you. I sure wouldnt. Shes an idiot.
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"Obsessed with our little ones" ..yea slightly! My little man is almost eleven months old. He has had his newborn photos done, three month old pic, Halloween, seven month old pic, Christmas photo, Valentine Day photos, Presidents day photos, and I've already scheduled his Easter photos in advance. I think Target is getting annoyed by seeing my face all the time!
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Dyar is selfish. All he is thinking is about HIMSELF.
Why dont you pay attention to your newborns (like any caring father would) and stop the self pity?

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Okay guys get off of his case. Unless you have been married to a man and had his babies, and they react this way, you might not quite understand. However, everyone is different. He probably should just join in more instead of feeling left out. But geeez it is hard for men (who are much like children in some ways) to go from getting all the attention to less of it from their object of affection.
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Scorpion sting: "I dont know why your wife puts up with you. I sure wouldnt. Shes an idiot."
You're from India, aren't you?? Are you going to be a proper wife to your husband and perform sati when he dies?? Or, are you going to be a-sati - an unrespectful wife??
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1. What is Sati?
Hindu custom in India in which the widow was burnt to death on her husband's pyre. Can be a voluntary choice or forced upon a woman by her in-laws.
2. What are some reasons for Sati?
A widow's status was looked upon as an unwanted burden that prevented her from participating in the household work. Her touch, her voice, her very appearance was considered unholy, impure and something that was to be shunned and abhorred. A woman was considered pure if she committed Sati.
3. Sati in Modern Times
In general, before this custom was outlawed in 1829, there were a few hundred officially recorded incidences each year. The efforts of Raja Rammohan Roy and other Hindu reformers greatly impacted the movement to outlaw this practice. Even after the custom was outlawed, this custom did not vanish completely. It took few decades before this custom almost vanished. In 1987 an eighteen years old widow, Roop Kanwar, committed Sati in a village of Rajasthan. The 'Sati' version is that Roop told her father-in-law she wanted to commit Sati. Roop was forced to commit Sati. The case went to court, but no one was charged with her murder. Even in the year 2000, you hear about Sati occurring in rural villages.
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American men don't expect their wives to burn themselves to death to show their worth. If that's not enough "backbone" for you, don't look for a husband in the USA...
Debra got next to no help from her first husband with their two boys, and she's used to taking care of business on her own. (Scorpion sting would've loved The Weasel - a REAL MAN who couldn't be faithful to one woman. Guess what SS? He's still unmarried! I could fix y'all up!) Not bragging on myself, but it would be far easier -- and more masculine -- to let her do everything, and not give a flying frick...
But, I'm not Homer Simpson, or Peter Griffin, or any of the other fictional stereotypical married men on TV. I'm special. But y'all already knew that...
Queenscorpio: "But geeez it is hard for men (who are much like children in some ways) to go from getting all the attention to less of it from their object of affection."
The voice of experience!
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AGAIN...
This is not a please give me some sympathy thread. This is an I wanna p1ss & moan thread. Venting, pure & simple.
Six months from now, I'll be going on & on about all the fun sh1t we're doing with the babies. It's just tough at the moment. A rough patch in the asphalt.
Hell, it's already gotten better. They interact with me differently than their mother, and that's the way it should be.
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Dyar, I think you and your wife should chose one night a week to have a date. Just the two of you? Any relatives or good nanny services around? This is one thing that was helpful during my marriage. We made "us" time atleast once a week, usually Sat nights. Our parents would keep our daughter or we would pay a friend etc.
It can work wonders!!!
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QS,
My Mother-In-Law babysat for us FRI night, and we got to have a real date -- gonna try to do that at least 2-3 times a month. Yeah, it was wonderful! And during the week, Debra makes an effort to give me some My Time when The Twins are asleep; and, on the weekends, or any other time I'm at home, I give her some Her Time to do things she can't do with The Twins in tow.
We've got at least a half dozen ladies who will babysit for us. The hard part was getting New Mom to let someone else take care of them for her. The older they get, the easier that will get -- plus, this ain't her first brood.
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***We've got at least a half dozen ladies who will babysit for us. The hard part was getting New Mom to let someone else take care of them for her****
LOL!!! Yeah, I am the same way. smile
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One Last Rant (in this thread, anyway!): I'm the middle child - two brothers, two sisters.
My Sisters ALWAYS take Debra's side in any situation - even when she's clearly in the wrong. Their rationale: She went through pregnancy & labor for your sorry ass, and gave you two beautiful children, so what the hell are you complaining about??
My Brothers are a bit more reasonable. But, they seem to have the idea that I drugged Debra, or bopped her on the head, and that one day she's gonna wake up, and realize that she married a Nerd. So, if she acts erratic, it's probably because I tricked her.
But, at least they're more sympathetic...
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"sooo -- your family loves you!"
Oh yeah! You betcha! My siblings are always at my back -- with pitchforks!
"Your love story is intruiging."
And even stranger, because it's true! She's the best thing that's ever happened to me. And I say that even after she's offered to get out a big block of cheddar cheese to go with all my whine...
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whine??
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I just thought it would change the way the conversationwas going....
and it was very interesting so i decided to keep it focus...lol
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YES...plz
Bombay Sapphire and extra dry vermouth...ohhh...and 3 olives...thx
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