The Scorpio b*stard
This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by Prodigal.Student on Wednesday, August 9, 2006 and has 62 replies.
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Hey!! don't give me any credit for this. I got this from another website!! Anyways I found this really funny, and this is not meant to be taken seriously. Its very tounge-in-cheek. Hope you all enjoy reading this!!
THE SCORPIO B*STARD
All those dark, brooding, monosyllabic types, who fill the pages of cheap romantic novels with their strong jaws and piercing eyes, are Scorpios. You know the story: boy meets girl. Boy tortures girl because of a series of very silly misunderstandings and because he enjoys it. Girl becomes a psychological wreck. Boy sweeps girt into his arms and mumbles something about undying love. (He has to sweep her into his arms because by this stage the poor woman has completely fallen apart.). This is where the book ends. There is a very good reason for this. Mills & Boon know what is to come is far too awful to be published. Yet, this paperback ideal of love still manages to override the common sense of most women. We find the strong, silent, manipulative type irresistible. And we sit prettily on our hope chests with our long auburn curls in charming disarray, waiting breathlessly with much fluttering of eyelashes for Scorpio to stride into our lives. (NB: Romantic heroes never walk, they always stride ? manfully and purposefully. Its dreadfully tiring for them, and its one of the reasons why they are so moody and irritable.) And once a Scorpio b*stard arrives? Well, there?s nothing like a spot of good-old-fashioned-bodice-ripping to get things started. Just swoon gracefully into his arms and let him have his wicked way with you. Then have your head examined.
The strong, silent type is what you should look for when purchasing white goods. Whilst these are desirable attributes in a washing machine, you won?t enjoy them in Scorpio. He is strong. Much stronger than you. Which means when there?s a fight, you?ll lose. And he is silent. Which means communication within the relationship is going to be a little one-sided. Holding back information is actually one of his favourite pastimes. Mostly because it upsets you. Well, what did you expect? Anyone described as ?dark? and ?brooding? is not going to be a naturally open, caring, sharing person. And Scorpio has a dark side that makes Darth Vader look like Mr. Whippy. As for brooding ability, he leaves Heathcliffe out on the moors: he?ll hold a grudge against you until the day you die. And your death will only appease him a little. However, you?ll never even know he has a grudge against
THE SCORPIO B*STARD
All those dark, brooding, monosyllabic types, who fill the pages of cheap romantic novels with their strong jaws and piercing eyes, are Scorpios. You know the story: boy meets girl. Boy tortures girl because of a series of very silly misunderstandings and because he enjoys it. Girl becomes a psychological wreck. Boy sweeps girt into his arms and mumbles something about undying love. (He has to sweep her into his arms because by this stage the poor woman has completely fallen apart.). This is where the book ends. There is a very good reason for this. Mills & Boon know what is to come is far too awful to be published. Yet, this paperback ideal of love still manages to override the common sense of most women. We find the strong, silent, manipulative type irresistible. And we sit prettily on our hope chests with our long auburn curls in charming disarray, waiting breathlessly with much fluttering of eyelashes for Scorpio to stride into our lives. (NB: Romantic heroes never walk, they always stride ? manfully and purposefully. Its dreadfully tiring for them, and its one of the reasons why they are so moody and irritable.) And once a Scorpio b*stard arrives? Well, there?s nothing like a spot of good-old-fashioned-bodice-ripping to get things started. Just swoon gracefully into his arms and let him have his wicked way with you. Then have your head examined.
The strong, silent type is what you should look for when purchasing white goods. Whilst these are desirable attributes in a washing machine, you won?t enjoy them in Scorpio. He is strong. Much stronger than you. Which means when there?s a fight, you?ll lose. And he is silent. Which means communication within the relationship is going to be a little one-sided. Holding back information is actually one of his favourite pastimes. Mostly because it upsets you. Well, what did you expect? Anyone described as ?dark? and ?brooding? is not going to be a naturally open, caring, sharing person. And Scorpio has a dark side that makes Darth Vader look like Mr. Whippy. As for brooding ability, he leaves Heathcliffe out on the moors: he?ll hold a grudge against you until the day you die. And your death will only appease him a little. However, you?ll never even know he has a grudge against
you. A Scorpio b*stard won?t confront you openly. That would be too much like fair play. He?s more likely to watch and wait ? decades if necessary ? for the chance to launch an attack when you?re not paying attention. And when it finally hits, it?ll make a stealth bomber look weak and clumsy.
Unfortunately, because of the amount of literature (if books featuring Fabio on the cover, count as literature) you?ve absorbed, you?ll class all his behavior as normal. You?ll revel in all the angst. Being miserable all the time must mean it?s true love. This is all so romantic. You?ll even be flattered by his possessiveness (despite the fact that you?re not allowed to go anywhere of see anyone). It means he can?t bear to be without you. Of course, he can?t bear to be with you either ? not when there are still so many things wrong with you.
He?ll manipulate you until you become exactly what he wants you to be. Then he?ll lose respect for you, as you?re so easily manipulated. Then he?ll start looking around for someone else to manipulate. This is when you start looking around too. For reputable psychiatric help. Because, in the midst of torturing you, Scorpio will suddenly turn into a model of gentleness and consideration. He?ll even be kind to animals (standard behavior for all romantic hero types ? designed to suck you into believing they have a soft, sensitive side). Don?t be fooled. Its just part if the callous game he?s playing with your mental and emotional health. His objective is to annihilate you. But if he can make you believe he is capable of such an act, it makes it all so much more fun when he actually does destroy you.
And destroy you he will. This is what Scorpio does best. And besides, its how he likes to spend his spare time. Once you are a broken mess on the floor he?ll pick you up and glue the pieces, so you are whole once more, and he can start all over again. He takes his hobby very seriously. It brings him hours of enjoyment and allows him to explore his destructive talents. And you?ll get something out of it too. A hobby of your own: a lifelong obsession with him. Which allows you to spend your spare time in expensive 12-step programs undergoing extensive counseling. Check into group therapy when you find yourself getting upset just because he is sleeping with other women. It?s really none of your business. You are only his girlfriend / wife / mother of his children. And anyway, you?ll meet his mistress soon enough when she joins the group a
Unfortunately, because of the amount of literature (if books featuring Fabio on the cover, count as literature) you?ve absorbed, you?ll class all his behavior as normal. You?ll revel in all the angst. Being miserable all the time must mean it?s true love. This is all so romantic. You?ll even be flattered by his possessiveness (despite the fact that you?re not allowed to go anywhere of see anyone). It means he can?t bear to be without you. Of course, he can?t bear to be with you either ? not when there are still so many things wrong with you.
He?ll manipulate you until you become exactly what he wants you to be. Then he?ll lose respect for you, as you?re so easily manipulated. Then he?ll start looking around for someone else to manipulate. This is when you start looking around too. For reputable psychiatric help. Because, in the midst of torturing you, Scorpio will suddenly turn into a model of gentleness and consideration. He?ll even be kind to animals (standard behavior for all romantic hero types ? designed to suck you into believing they have a soft, sensitive side). Don?t be fooled. Its just part if the callous game he?s playing with your mental and emotional health. His objective is to annihilate you. But if he can make you believe he is capable of such an act, it makes it all so much more fun when he actually does destroy you.
And destroy you he will. This is what Scorpio does best. And besides, its how he likes to spend his spare time. Once you are a broken mess on the floor he?ll pick you up and glue the pieces, so you are whole once more, and he can start all over again. He takes his hobby very seriously. It brings him hours of enjoyment and allows him to explore his destructive talents. And you?ll get something out of it too. A hobby of your own: a lifelong obsession with him. Which allows you to spend your spare time in expensive 12-step programs undergoing extensive counseling. Check into group therapy when you find yourself getting upset just because he is sleeping with other women. It?s really none of your business. You are only his girlfriend / wife / mother of his children. And anyway, you?ll meet his mistress soon enough when she joins the group a
after she discovers he is doing the same thing to her. Then you can console each other about your mutual stupidity. You?ll both be introduced to a nationwide Unhealthily Obsessed Co-dependant Support Network for Women who have dated Scorpio. It comes with a 24-hour hotline, which you?ll put to very good use. (This is a free-of-charge service, one of many sponsored by the Aspiring Romantic Novelists Association who use it for research purposes.)
The reason Scorpio inspires such obsessive behavior is because he is so obsessive himself ? about sex. He thinks about it twice as much as other men, which basically means it?s on his mind all the time. Which makes him the blueprint for the complete and utter b*stard. Which in turn, makes women think he?s sexy. Which therefore means he really can?t help but catch one or two of the airborne little-black-dress-clad oestrogen packages continually heading his way. (Warning: Don?t be tempted to have an affair yourself to get back at your
Scorpio b*stard. Right now, you?re in no emotional state to witness a jealous streak the size of the San Andreas Fault. This is probably unnecessary advice, as you won?t have time between those ever-increasing therapy sessions and that compulsive shopping habit you recently developed. And, lets face it, the nervous twitch and chronic alcoholism aren?t exactly going to be attracting men in droves.)
If it helps your sanity, blame the other poor, obsessed women. Or their therapists. Or the government. Or, better yet, blame yourself. No one forced you to read all those ridiculous love stories. You wanted a club-wielding, hair-dragging, heroic b*stard. You?ve got him. Now you have to live with him. So, just throw yourself into his arms or under the next passing truck. Either way, the ending will be the same.
The reason Scorpio inspires such obsessive behavior is because he is so obsessive himself ? about sex. He thinks about it twice as much as other men, which basically means it?s on his mind all the time. Which makes him the blueprint for the complete and utter b*stard. Which in turn, makes women think he?s sexy. Which therefore means he really can?t help but catch one or two of the airborne little-black-dress-clad oestrogen packages continually heading his way. (Warning: Don?t be tempted to have an affair yourself to get back at your
Scorpio b*stard. Right now, you?re in no emotional state to witness a jealous streak the size of the San Andreas Fault. This is probably unnecessary advice, as you won?t have time between those ever-increasing therapy sessions and that compulsive shopping habit you recently developed. And, lets face it, the nervous twitch and chronic alcoholism aren?t exactly going to be attracting men in droves.)
If it helps your sanity, blame the other poor, obsessed women. Or their therapists. Or the government. Or, better yet, blame yourself. No one forced you to read all those ridiculous love stories. You wanted a club-wielding, hair-dragging, heroic b*stard. You?ve got him. Now you have to live with him. So, just throw yourself into his arms or under the next passing truck. Either way, the ending will be the same.
HOW TO SPOT ONE
When a Scorpio b*stard looks at you, you will feel a strong urge to shed your underwear. He will have this baffling effect upon you, even if you?re in a very public place and you find him most unattractive.
WHERE TO FIND ONE
Follow the trail of emotional wrecks to his door. Or, better still, let him find you. Because then, at least, you won?t be the one who started the relationship which ruined your life.
HOW TO INTRIGUE ONE
Be sunny and happy and full of life. He won?t be able to resist the challenge of luring you into the pits of hell. Once there, just be whatever he wants you to be. Holding onto your personality will only cause you a lot of unnecessary pain.
THE FIRST DATE
Scorpio will charm you into submission. Or else he?ll worm his way into your life and affections without you noticing ? like cancer or some other terminal disease. And after just one date, he?ll know everything there is to know about you, and you?ll know absolutely nothing about him. This sets the tone for the entire relationship.
WHEN TO DO THE DEED
Because Scorpio has so many hidden agendas, you?ll never be able to pick the right time. So go to bed when he wants to, generally just after you?ve been introduced. (Tip: When you do it, make like a porn star, but somehow give the impression you?ve never done it before.)
WHEN TO POP THE QUESTION
When you feel the inclination to do this, have yourself committed.
IF HE DROPS YOU
Trying to exact revenge will only serve to amuse Scorpio, as your attempts will seem so amateur. Besides, he?ll be flattered he still has total control over your emotions and your life. On the other hand, running after him, doing your best impersonation of a doormat will only invite him to clean his boots on you. Don?t waste your energy. You?ll need it over the next few years, just to get through therapy.
IF YOU DROP HIM
He?ll get over it. If, however, he thinks you?ve slighted him, its best to watch out for yourself and take extra precautions for the next ten or 20 years ? at least.
When a Scorpio b*stard looks at you, you will feel a strong urge to shed your underwear. He will have this baffling effect upon you, even if you?re in a very public place and you find him most unattractive.
WHERE TO FIND ONE
Follow the trail of emotional wrecks to his door. Or, better still, let him find you. Because then, at least, you won?t be the one who started the relationship which ruined your life.
HOW TO INTRIGUE ONE
Be sunny and happy and full of life. He won?t be able to resist the challenge of luring you into the pits of hell. Once there, just be whatever he wants you to be. Holding onto your personality will only cause you a lot of unnecessary pain.
THE FIRST DATE
Scorpio will charm you into submission. Or else he?ll worm his way into your life and affections without you noticing ? like cancer or some other terminal disease. And after just one date, he?ll know everything there is to know about you, and you?ll know absolutely nothing about him. This sets the tone for the entire relationship.
WHEN TO DO THE DEED
Because Scorpio has so many hidden agendas, you?ll never be able to pick the right time. So go to bed when he wants to, generally just after you?ve been introduced. (Tip: When you do it, make like a porn star, but somehow give the impression you?ve never done it before.)
WHEN TO POP THE QUESTION
When you feel the inclination to do this, have yourself committed.
IF HE DROPS YOU
Trying to exact revenge will only serve to amuse Scorpio, as your attempts will seem so amateur. Besides, he?ll be flattered he still has total control over your emotions and your life. On the other hand, running after him, doing your best impersonation of a doormat will only invite him to clean his boots on you. Don?t waste your energy. You?ll need it over the next few years, just to get through therapy.
IF YOU DROP HIM
He?ll get over it. If, however, he thinks you?ve slighted him, its best to watch out for yourself and take extra precautions for the next ten or 20 years ? at least.
lmao... haha i've escapedddddddddd na na na na lol
3 times...damn i'm good.
LOL...oh dear..
LOL! OMG!!!! Very, Very Funny! Good for you!
LOL @ DB
Hate to say it but alot of that sounds true.... lol
Whats happening with your scorp guy Juicy?
Nothing, i left him a while ago ..with out looking back. His loss.
Changed the number and everything. No time for boys just men.
Lol..oooh get you!
LOL @ JD
and after...check yourself into the looney bin. Unless your a strong lady, which then you will be able to walk away even if vodka seems to be your bestfriend for a bit. =D
OMG, Prodigal.Student, that is such a funny write up. I am soooooooooooooooooooo scared now!!!! lol
Or is that funny?
Or is that funny?
don't lie, that turned you on!! lol
see...hehehe
hay pluto darling!
whats going on?
i'm sure he is...don't you worry! LOL
prob doing naughty things thinking about you, right now... =D
Hey Juicy, ain't that a tease !
you haven't seen anything yet.
She lays on the floor as "Jackdoniel" surive to the next day !!!
LMAO..oh boy
you haven't seen anything yet.
She lays on the floor as "Jackdoniel" surive to the next day !!!
LMAO..oh boy
he he...
now im getting naughty thinking about him
hehehehe
now im getting naughty thinking about him
hehehehe
no sex yet*
Goodgirl.... you see what happened to the girl i posted on the other page don't you? lol
Goodgirl.... you see what happened to the girl i posted on the other page don't you? lol
Slow is a good thing to. It ends up working out better most of the time Goodluck and be yourself! =)
Goodluck and be yourself! =)anytime!
if i wasn't reeling over the demise of my relationship with my Scorp, I would be laughing so hard at this post. But I can't really, as it is a little too close to the truth. I have experienced first hand the Scorpio compulsion to tear down that which they (once?) held dear, only to (perhaps?) build it up again. And the worst part about it is that all I did was love him. Ah well.
the sweetest revenege darling...is to move on and smile as THEY crumble after
again not all of them go to that extreme, and can handle themselves better if more mature i believe...Yet you have your good one's and bad one's of every sign. So maybe you'll run into a nice sweet scorpio who actually can handle the love of someone with out going into hiding =)
My ex bf before this one ..who happened to be a scorp... knew had to handle himself alot better then this one. So it all depends.
Haha oh yes, yes there is ... hi sagg!
how*
I know that wasn't meant for me, now was it dear sag?
Because it looked as if you were speaking to me bc no one else is here... silly goose, that would be why =)
crazy is cool, i know your all over the place lol
daaaaaaamn. That is SPOT ON! And hilarious. 
i think i'm gonna flee from my man..its definetely better dating so far..scared to live withhim, we could destroy eachother
wow my scorp guy had the same qualities in the beginning.. but either they have waned a bit and he's less controlling..or i'm under his sexy spell
or i'm under his sexy spell
goodbye dear leorising...we'll miss you......Lol jp!
goodbye dear leorising...we'll miss you......Lol jp!
oh juicy i LOVE HIM SOOO MUCH *tears*
jack your 21 questions are pretty cute
MEN ARE MOTHER ______'S..YEAH I SAID IT! ... so do you want to leave him leorising 
not for a million
still teary
still teary
wait i'm confused ..sorry for the slowness tonight!
oh leoscorpio rising..a dur
we talk about "tuna" its an inside joke for forever
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