Things end after 7 years...

So I'm just looking for some input, because getting a reality check wuld help at this point.

So this was a long distance thing, in the first 5 years just casually friends, even though it was clear we weren't full on "friends". After those 5 years, decided to give it a chance, the person proposed, and I gave it a yes. We had never met in person, only web cam 2times, and I know what most people are thinking, why would you have faith in a virtual relationship. But we knew common families, and the person wasn't so much a stranger, and later I found out my father knows his family/brother, went to unviersity together. As time went on, from going to phone conversation and then webcam things got better in the sense that there was no turn offs, the person was exactly as I expected and we liked each other more with time.

But as we discussed and decided to "plan" this marriage. Things got real...what he wanted was different than my desires. I wanted to continue with graduate school, med school, and he wanted me to maybe work, but mostly have a family right away. He didn't support the education aspect, and on top of that, wanted me to move to where he was (east), and I live here in the west, and also raised here. We talked about it for about a year and came to the conclusion that it wasn't working. He told me that he might not be single in few months and his family was pushing him for marriage. So I expected that in 5-6 months he would be married off and gone. But NOPE, he still stuck around for another year.

By the time it became officially 2 years that he had been waiting, I decided to pursue it and he proved to me that he wanted me. He ignored his family multiple times in the past with the hopes that I will change my mind and agree to move down there. Still, at the back of my mind, I knew that giving up so much wasn't a good idea, and neither did I picture a fairytale life if I accepted everything and moved there for him (he lives in a big family). I got attached to the situation, and him, deeply, by the end of the 2 years of waiting.

over a month ago, he told me that he will be getting engaged, he was getting sick so his family used this to get him married. We argued, and he asked what should he do, if I'm not ready to say YES (to his conditions)....I still couldn't say yes to moving there and giving up everything. Now, he is engaged. He announced it on fb and I also saw the girl's name etc. I know he moved on. Did he get turned off by me (being undec

During the period where he was telling me he will be getting engaged....I personally felt he was only sharing this so I "go away"...but I'm not sure on it. Only his family knew, and me.

While the process was going on (it was arranged)...his toned changed (evidently)....he was telling me things like he was depressed..his family member was sick..etc etc...I ignored fb and kept away for a few days...when I logged onto my fb few days later to get someone's number...the first thing I see was his name and announcement that x is engaged to y...and after 2 days he seemed to be normal..and not the sad person he was a week ago.

So he was acting sad in front of me while it seems he was normal with everyone else. So I figured he did it to cover his guilt.
I have let it go for the most part because I was better off leaving it, for my own peace of mind, and also knowing he had replaced me, he obviously has made her a priority. Neither can we be friends. But I guess I am just looking to know what has gone through his head. I don't think he was hurt as much as I was, I don't think he knows how much this affected me. he is the one with a partner now, and chatting away with her, so I don't think he cares for me now.

Posted by sdfgwer
Be lucky you got out. My friend recently discovered that the person she is seeing is a womanizer who has STD. She got out asap. Be glad you got out too!

hmm I understand. But I do believe what we had was genuine...and not a case of this guy hiding somethings about himself...although it was virtual..I never caught him being dishonest...even till today..I know he is a good guy...and him covering his guilt for replacing me...shows he isnt a jerk.

It wasn't all that genuine if he didn't fight for you, support your decision to educate yourself, pick up and move to you which would have been the right thing to do.

Arranged marriage, so is it okay to assume he's of Indian descent or of some other nationality other than American? Are you of the same culture as him as well?

Doesn't seem you were willing to give anything up to be with him and vice versa. I don't know what else to say. He's moved on and maybe you should move on too. Delete him from Facebook and ask mutual friends and family not to mention him again for the sake of not losing yourself over this.

Posted by tiki33
It wasn't all that genuine if he didn't fight for you, support your decision to educate yourself, pick up and move to you which would have been the right thing to do.

Arranged marriage, so is it okay to assume he's of Indian descent or of some other nationality other than American? Are you of the same culture as him as well?

Doesn't seem you were willing to give anything up to be with him and vice versa. I don't know what else to say. He's moved on and maybe you should move on too. Delete him from Facebook and ask mutual friends and family not to mention him again for the sake of not losing yourself over this.

No not indian, we're from a small ethnic group, and yes we are the same culture. I've already deleted him off fb, and even blocked him.

Yes you're right, and I guess I had that question for him as well, that when it came to crunch time why didn't you mention us to your family and fight to make it happen. in our last convo his words were 'if u got ready earlier things could have changed'....not the words from someone who really wants to marry u..

"So this was a long distance thing, in the first 5 years just casually friends, even though it was clear we weren't full on "friends". After those 5 years, decided to give it a chance, the person proposed, and I gave it a yes. We had never met in person, only web cam 2times"


I stopped reading right ^^there, thanks for putting that in the begining. Unless you've met someone you are going to get involved with eye to eye and SEE them at least two - three times a month, you have (had) nothing but an online pal.