Understanding the scorpio disappearance

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by BigGirlPanties on Thursday, December 1, 2011 and has 41 replies.
I found this old DXP thread on Google from 2006 titled "The famous disappearing act". It gives the most insightful, honest explanation of why scorpio men disappear on women from scorpios themselves, none who appear to still be on DXP, so it's fresh insight. I found it very helpful and wanted to re-post for all the visitors here that are in this hurtful situation. Hopefull it will bring some peace and acceptance.
http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/scorpio/the-famous-scorpio-disappearing-act-559859.asp
Here is the first posting:
i don't know if this is only me or not, but do you other scorps out there have trouble being consistent with people? like calling them or making plans or whatever? everyone always tells me they're afraid to make plans with me because i'm the "mysterious one" who "disappears for a while and then reappears weeks later."
i've always thought this was because on many levels i'm a loner and i know all people have alterior motives, so i tend to be really harsh in judging them.
most of my romantic relationships have fallen apart because i've been accused of being too closed off, manipulative and "intense."
so my question is, do you find yourself astrologically prone to this kind of behavior, or is this more of a "personal experience" kinda thing? thanks!
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I disappear quite often. Socializing wears me out. No misunderstandings, when I party, I have no reservations. When I feel socializing, I will pull everyone into my whirling winds, even the one sitting silently in the corner waiting to be discovered. I will discover them.
I have come to terms with myself though that I do like my lone time. I need to rejuvenate. When I work, I want to be alone. When I focus on one thing (let??s say a project with multiple insights, but it will be that ONE project!). I want to give it my full attention. I don't like doing 5 different things at the same time. Sloppiness is what I resent. It is quality over quantity. The guy who has my attention, gets it all. I may not see him all the time, but it feels as if he has taken over my soul. I will find ways to keep myself and my mind busy with tasks on my list, but he will constantly pop back in. So if someone else comes along to get my attention, I will not be fully there. In the back of my mind I will hope for the moment to retreat again.
This all sounds extreme. My best friends are the ones who have accepted my occasional long silences. They are in my heart and mind, but I cannot be there all the time. I will be there for them when they need me though. One thing I also learned over the years, I can give up on friends/relatives, who are not willing to understand that it is in my nature not to socialize whenever THEY feel like it. I will respond, but will keep it short. I am selective. I have to be selective because I can only focus on one thing. Otherwise, my life would fill with stuff I do for others all the time. Although I have my own set of twigs, I definitely will respect theirs and accept them for who they are.
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From all I have read and experiences personally, scorpio disappears when feeling over whelmed with emotions, responsibility..whatever. What I don't get is why its done with silent indifference. Where is the courtesey to tell the one you love "I need a break, time out. Dont take it personal". Amputation by silence is brutal. And as Ely wrote in another thread, it destroys relationships. One of the last things my ex scorp told me was he tends to "Sting himself" a lot. This must be one such time. Only self stinging does hurt others.
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^^^ Aw, Lady S, how sweet to read about your remorse, it really does give me comfort to know that this is done NOT out of anger or retaliation, which is what it FEELS like. Indifference is really so so hurtful, but since I was married to an alcoholic, I had a shit load of experience with his indifference. It hurt so much, I attend AA meetings to get a better understanding of why they do it. They tell me exactly what you said...its a form of escape, and since alcoholics cant deal with feelings on ANY level, they introvert themselves into their own shell with a bottle. My ex husband once loved me and our son soooooo much, did everything for and with us. Then, he disappeared into his disease and acted as if we never existed. Today, he is sober and has begun to put us as a very high priority. In fact, for the last 10 days, he has let me borrow his car while mine is in the shop and he is driving a piece of shit old car LOL. So, I guess anyone can change and grow into emotional maturity.
Thanks again for being so open!! smile
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I disappear quite often. Socializing wears me out. No misunderstandings, when I party, I have no reservations. When I feel socializing, I will pull everyone into my whirling winds, even the one sitting silently in the corner waiting to be discovered. I will discover them.
i've always thought this was because on many levels i'm a loner and i know all people have alterior motives, so i tend to be really harsh in judging them.
most of my romantic relationships have fallen apart because i've been accused of being too closed off, manipulative and "intense."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
shit this is part of my playbook. Scorp moonSad *shakes fist* Fuck it I'm proud to be this way!!!

At times I'm the life of the scence and I have everyone's attention very social like. Then I'm in a dark coner arms crossed and dead quiet very broody.
I'm in the closed off phase (going on the 2nd mothh) right now, deactivated my fb, don't go to clubs, text or call anyone and don't. Just quiet, stay to myself and workout.
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month* and I used to do this even more when I was younger... like 6 months periods then boom I'm back on the scence, or I pop over a friends house.
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scene* Grrr......
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Posted by BigGirlPanties
From all I have read and experiences personally, scorpio disappears when feeling over whelmed with emotions, responsibility..whatever. What I don't get is why its done with silent indifference. Where is the courtesey to tell the one you love "I need a break, time out. Dont take it personal". Amputation by silence is brutal. And as Ely wrote in another thread, it destroys relationships. One of the last things my ex scorp told me was he tends to "Sting himself" a lot. This must be one such time. Only self stinging does hurt others.



yeah.... I've changed myself and with age at least, I tell the people in my inner circle I'm gone for a bit...eh... 80% of the time. But I still get the same questions and I never tell them anything. It's private and I'm over it for now. I'm getting better as I call my mom like once a month nowsmile progress.......
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most of the time...
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Posted by Lobo
month* and I used to do this even more when I was younger... like 6 months periods then boom I'm back on the scence, or I pop over a friends house.


im 30 and i still do it. i just need time to think bout some things. i screen phone calls, i hide out in my house, if i go out. its alone. i dont wear any makeup, i dont get dressed. i just sit there and wait for an epiphany.
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Posted by Lobo
Posted by BigGirlPanties
From all I have read and experiences personally, scorpio disappears when feeling over whelmed with emotions, responsibility..whatever. What I don't get is why its done with silent indifference. Where is the courtesey to tell the one you love "I need a break, time out. Dont take it personal". Amputation by silence is brutal. And as Ely wrote in another thread, it destroys relationships. One of the last things my ex scorp told me was he tends to "Sting himself" a lot. This must be one such time. Only self stinging does hurt others.



yeah.... I've changed myself and with age at least, I tell the people in my inner circle I'm gone for a bit...eh... 80% of the time. But I still get the same questions and I never tell them anything. It's private and I'm over it for now. I'm getting better as I call my mom like once a month nowsmile progress.......
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no lie, my mom is a pisces. the more i talk to her, the better my decision making process is. my inner circle which really only includes my aries bff is very limited. she still has times when its hard for her to understand my silence. she has a bf now, so thats a win win for me.
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Posted by LadyScorpP
Posted by BigGirlPanties

In regards to anger or retaliation, it really depends on the situation and the Scorpio, for there can be hints of both within the larger mix of emotions which we were feeling at THAT particular time. The thing is, for us we do not think of it as indifference, we actually do not take notice of what we have done to the other person because we are so absorbed/lost/confused in trying to figure out what we feel (not because we can not deal with it, rather, Scorpios like to take emotions head on) because we are feeling TOO much, that we feel we must disconnect in some form (ie. build walls) to cope/deal with it first, before coming back out to share it with others, embrace and envelope in it without reservations. I do not think it is a question of emotional maturity rather, I think it is about introspection, being self-critical and sure of ourselves before we step out. We must be certain of what we do. When we are going through all the above, we sometimes lose sight of the fact that to others, we may seem indifferent because inside we really are not, we really really do car


You ARE right! There is a difference to the scorpio indifference vs the alcoholic indifference. I should have clarified that. I did not mean to infer the scorpio manner of dealing is immature or "wrong" as it relates to a dysfunctional alcoholic.
I am scorp moon and there are times when in a romantic relationship I feel WELL overwhelmed. Totally, like I need to stick my head under a pillow and close off all contact until it processes itself through me. Never lasted more than a few days and didn't affect my relationship badly. In my recent situation, this man just couldnt be consistent in communicating with me and I retorted with a text that confronted it. Not in anger, just frustration. He then went totally underground. Sad I tried reaching out the first 2 weeks, but no more. I can only be kicked in the gut so many times.
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Posted by DMV
Posted by Lobo
Posted by BigGirlPanties
From all I have read and experiences personally, scorpio disappears when feeling over whelmed with emotions, responsibility..whatever. What I don't get is why its done with silent indifference. Where is the courtesey to tell the one you love "I need a break, time out. Dont take it personal". Amputation by silence is brutal. And as Ely wrote in another thread, it destroys relationships. One of the last things my ex scorp told me was he tends to "Sting himself" a lot. This must be one such time. Only self stinging does hurt others.



yeah.... I've changed myself and with age at least, I tell the people in my inner circle I'm gone for a bit...eh... 80% of the time. But I still get the same questions and I never tell them anything. It's private and I'm over it for now. I'm getting better as I call my mom like once a month nowsmile progress.......


no lie, my mom is a pisces. the more i talk to her, the better my decision making process is. my inner circle which really only includes my aries bff is very limited. she still has times when its hard for her to understand my silence. she has a bf now, so thats a win win for me.
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I wonder if sun and moon scorps always have have a small inner circle? I have my best friend virgo bro, a leeb and and annoying little female sister like aries. My virgo and libra friend roll with and get it, or are used to it, but the ram girl takes it to heart and then I feel like shit. My Taurus mother gives me space but not to much until she mothers me into calling god forbid if I don't call for 3 months I must be dead lol.....
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Posted by LadyScorpP
@ BGP
Funny thing is my Scorpio Sun can relate and understand to the person's Scorpio Moon and yet I am still left in confusion. When I thought I was hell in the communications department so is the person, I think our communication is really dysfunctional at times, due to all that Scorpio strength going on between our charts. When I thought I had a bad time going under the pillow, the person (I think) have been swallowed whole by earth itself, disappeared for a good few months, a short reappearance (a single occasion) and off the person goes again. Frustrated? Definitely. Understand the reasons behind it? Yes, in some ways, which makes it even MORE frustrating. Sad


that is exactly how it is with this sun/moon synastry.
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I'm pretty much the same as others here mentioned. I tend to get more like this in the colder months. Lots of times I just need the time alone to decompress and use my me time.
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Posted by LadyScorpP
Posted by DMV
Posted by Lobo
month* and I used to do this even more when I was younger... like 6 months periods then boom I'm back on the scence, or I pop over a friends house.


im 30 and i still do it. i just need time to think bout some things. i screen phone calls, i hide out in my house, if i go out. its alone. i dont wear any makeup, i dont get dressed. i just sit there and wait for an epiphany.


Yes sometimes the epiphany does not come fast enough...
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yup. i can imagine it takes forever for someone whose waiting for us to resurface,
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Posted by BigGirlPanties
From all I have read and experiences personally, scorpio disappears when feeling over whelmed with emotions, responsibility..whatever. What I don't get is why its done with silent indifference. Where is the courtesey to tell the one you love "I need a break, time out. Dont take it personal". Amputation by silence is brutal. And as Ely wrote in another thread, it destroys relationships. One of the last things my ex scorp told me was he tends to "Sting himself" a lot. This must be one such time. Only self stinging does hurt others.


i wish i could give prior notice b4 one of my spells. but no bs, it comes sooooo quick. its not like i plan it. it just happens. and even if i did, they wouldnt get it. they would either try to talk me out of it or haress me. i mean why would i want to talk to the person who i feel some kinda way about. hence the reason for taking some time-out time in the first place.
shit, the real reason im going underground is because the OTHER person has given me reason to pause. so, it really depends on the other person.
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Posted by LadyScorpP
@ BGP
Funny thing is my Scorpio Sun can relate and understand to the person's Scorpio Moon and yet I am still left in confusion. When I thought I was hell in the communications department so is the person, I think our communication is really dysfunctional at times, due to all that Scorpio strength going on between our charts. When I thought I had a bad time going under the pillow, the person (I think) have been swallowed whole by earth itself, disappeared for a good few months, a short reappearance (a single occasion) and off the person goes again. Frustrated? Definitely. Understand the reasons behind it? Yes, in some ways, which makes it even MORE frustrating. Sad


I relate to this. But because I am leo sun, I was able to be more open about feelings and NOT run away afterwards. When things would go well, really well, then Id wanna do a little hiding. Probably cus I didnt believe they'd last. But I never left for long. The dysfunctional communicating comes from scorpio fear of rejection. Prior to this relationship, I would NEVER share my feelings so openly until the MAN express his first. Always. I've never said "I love you" first. This guy though, I was comfortable being openly flirty. In writing I could express deeper feelings. Never said I love you to him, though. Though, he did in an IM, but it seemed to be in a fun, sarcastic manner so I never took it seriously.
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Posted by DMV
Posted by LadyScorpP
Posted by DMV
Posted by Lobo
month* and I used to do this even more when I was younger... like 6 months periods then boom I'm back on the scence, or I pop over a friends house.


im 30 and i still do it. i just need time to think bout some things. i screen phone calls, i hide out in my house, if i go out. its alone. i dont wear any makeup, i dont get dressed. i just sit there and wait for an epiphany.


Yes sometimes the epiphany does not come fast enough...


yup. i can imagine it takes forever for someone whose waiting for us to resurface,
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Ive done this twice so far with the same guy, 2 disappearances a year apart. Im not risking it again. 6 weeks is a long time to be left in silent limbo. As the days go by, I am detaching more and more and the "detox" from him is almost complete. Though I love and miss him, I do not love this silence.
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Posted by DMV
Posted by BigGirlPanties
From all I have read and experiences personally, scorpio disappears when feeling over whelmed with emotions, responsibility..whatever. What I don't get is why its done with silent indifference. Where is the courtesey to tell the one you love "I need a break, time out. Dont take it personal". Amputation by silence is brutal. And as Ely wrote in another thread, it destroys relationships. One of the last things my ex scorp told me was he tends to "Sting himself" a lot. This must be one such time. Only self stinging does hurt others.


i wish i could give prior notice b4 one of my spells. but no bs, it comes sooooo quick. its not like i plan it. it just happens. and even if i did, they wouldnt get it. they would either try to talk me out of it or haress me. i mean why would i want to talk to the person who i feel some kinda way about. hence the reason for taking some time-out time in the first place.
shit, the real reason im going underground is because the OTHER person has given me reason to pause. so, it really depends on the other person.
click to expand


Advance notice would be appreciated smile
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lol, so advanced notice would be something like this:
"yeah i got to ignore you for awhile because i dont like you right now nor do i like the shit that you do. therefore id appreciate it if you left me the hell alone or die (whatevers easier for you) until i have decided, if ever, i want to talk to you again. you selfish fuck. dont call me, dont text me. if u do try to call I will let one of my other ninjas answer the phone while were having sex. deuces."
be careful for what you ask for smile
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Posted by DMV
lol, so advanced notice would be something like this:
"yeah i got to ignore you for awhile because i dont like you right now nor do i like the shit that you do. therefore id appreciate it if you left me the hell alone or die (whatevers easier for you) until i have decided, if ever, i want to talk to you again. you selfish fuck. dont call me, dont text me. if u do try to call I will let one of my other ninjas answer the phone while were having sex. deuces."
be careful for what you ask for smile


No, just asking for common respect and consideration: "I need a time out. To sit in quiet, reflect and process. Please respect my request". Simple....no need to speak with anger, just respect.
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@BGP, what kind of relationship do you have (not want) with this man?
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Posted by pathfinder
@BGP, what kind of relationship do you have (not want) with this man?


At the moment, I have no relationship since he shut down. Prior to that I had ended it for the previous 2 months when I couldnt take the inconsistency. After the 2 months, I contacted him when I was in his area, we met and WHOOSH! the intense whirlwind renewed. A few days later, he "forgot" to call as promised, but left one of his lovely apologies in my vm. Always such lovely, responsible apologies. This time he said he had gotten "caught up in my own shit" and forgot. Woke up at 1am from a dead sleep and REMEMBERED he was supposed to call. At least I know I have the power to invade his dreams Winking
I waited a few days, sent a text voicing my displeasure, and never got a reply.
I couldn't handle the push-pull that went on months before. So when I saw it starting up again with the forgotten call, well....seemed like history was repeating.
I think its time to move on. He is a good guy and I adore him, but I don;t think he's done "re-birthing" himself.
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Offtopic

Your default pic definitely made my day LMAO


@iwin32: hey man thanks. I chuckle each time I read it.
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yep time and space refocuses the mind...
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Posted by BigGirlPanties
From all I have read and experiences personally, scorpio disappears when feeling over whelmed with emotions, responsibility..whatever. What I don't get is why its done with silent indifference. Where is the courtesey to tell the one you love "I need a break, time out. Dont take it personal". Amputation by silence is brutal. And as Ely wrote in another thread, it destroys relationships. One of the last things my ex scorp told me was he tends to "Sting himself" a lot. This must be one such time. Only self stinging does hurt others.


Maybe because they want to hurt the other person. Indifference is the best way to hurt someone because at least when someone hates you you can hate them back. I think the person they're with, when they are overwhelmed, just becomes an annoyance to them, so they "shed them" off of their person and focus on the problems going on in their life.
If they had good coping skills they'd be able to keep the other person in their life and realize that person would support them, but they probably don't want to show they are weak.
Perhaps if they really couldn't live with someone they might make an exception and let them be a support to them.
This is just what I've witnessed
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This is my take, speaking only for romantic relationships and not friendships or family. If they disappear, you've either gotten too close to something they aren't ready for or don't want, or do want but can't have but know it's not for the best, you've pissed them off, or you've put them in a corner and it's better to ignore you than to respond. My take BGP is you've pissed him off, and although he wanted to have you around it may not be as much as you are wanting him around.
The one thing is if you know what was/is going on in his life and where he may have forgotten to call you, and you called him out on it probably pissed him off and you're being iced out for not understanding, and not worth the hassle. I don't mean it 'hassle', but in terms of it's better to just ice you out and put you into a different level of where you're at in his life if he makes a curtain call, then to deal with the added stress of you wanting something he can't or won't give you right now.
The difference is when they go silent or MIA for a few days, etc. vs. weeks, months. If you're in the weeks end, something major is in the works. They don't just disappear from a romantic interest for weeks or months without a very good reason for within themselves. Me being Cancer, when I've done that? Theyve pissed me off and I could care less and they are done, and the same goes with hurting me ..I will ice you out before you can say the word; OR, if someone keeps pushing me that I haven't made up my mind about? I'm heels to ass outta there until I think or feel it's safe to approach them. And if they continue to do the things that made me go MIA the 1st time? I'll again go into ignore, pick and choose if I do respond, or complete MIA...and this goes on until I blow the hell up, or ice them out forever in my mind and then there is NO turning back time or hope for a future. I think you are wise, as much as you do care for him to put him behind you for now. If he shows up again, this has made you stronger and it will either make or break your bank in your mind with him.
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Posted by bluemoon9043834
Quit focusing on him and get back to your life?


I spend a total of about 30 minutes a day reading DXP ie: thinking about scorpio, 8 hours a day working, 1 hour a day working out, about 2 hours goofing off at home, with my son or with friends, so Id say I am "back" to my life. Which, actually, I never left my life.
Assuming I have no life because I come here to process my thoughts about the loss of this relationship is hurtful. Please think about your words before you post them.
Thanks.
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Lady, Alien and Ocean: All nicely said, thanks for sharing. You are all correct, and yes I am moving foward. Just hurts, of course. I've made no attempts at contact for over 3 weeks and don't intend to. Regardless of the reason for disappearing, and yes I did piss him off, I made my amends when I reached out and will leave it at that. Im just starting back into dating, and am putting one foot in front of the other. A day at a time. smile
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Posted by bluemoon9043834
Also, I only typed 10 words... look at them again... (without spinning them into whatever, I guess I have to expound?)
Quit focusing on him and get back to your life?
Now, I am going to be upfront with you. I have seen your advice to other women about Scorpio men questions get real nasty and real moody, which is uncalled for. No matter how much pain you may be feeling inside. You're also obsessed on him.
This guy left... either because he has other things going on in his life and he needed a break from you.
So what do you think would be the healthy thing for you to do? Do you think that if he comes back around and you lash out on him in hurt or are mean to him, that he will stick around? No, he won't. He'll bounce again. So what can you do to change it?



Please copy and paste my *real nasty and real moody" advice. I may be direct but I have never been nasty to anyone here.
But you seem to have a need to be "mean and nasty" to me for some reason. Why do I affect you in such a way? Taking my inventory seems to be fun for you, I guess. I don't know why, I have always appreciated your insightful postings in many threads, especially when you gave me chart readings. Doeds it make you feel good to say hurtful things to me? Ah it's ok, your opinion is yours and it's all good with me. smile
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OOps...forgot this P.S.: Isn't it irresponsible for *you* or anyone to assume you know with 100% certainy why this man, or anyone that people here post about, has disappeared or done whatever hurtful thing they've done WITHOUT knowing him, me, the relationship intimately? Giving an opinion isnt fact, it's merely speculation.
But who knows, maybe you are a psychic and know all? Do you have a 1-800 line by any chance?
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ladies.........
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Posted by bluemoon9043834
@BGP
My good Scorpio male friend, Piroglesic (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))), reminded me of this quote. smile
???If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.??
?? Khalil Gibran



+1 nice one bluemoon.....
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Posted by aliennation
@BigGirlPanties
I'd be depressed too if I had to wear those granny panties in your avatar.
This is more my style ....and I think it's why I'm always so cheerful:

He won't know what he's missing! ;D


Ah hell, you don't like my pink hot pants with the camel toe?
Winking
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The question was about Scorpios.... and experiences. If the only thing people can say is "move on" then don't say anything. We're not looking for "relationship" advice... we just wanna know about why Scorpios do what they do. And when someone is heartbroken... they try to live the best they can...day to day without breaking down. Trying to hold back tears. When people come on here to ask a question... we may not always "understand" ... but they're going through something right now. And I know there's not one person on this thread who's never been heartbroken...and GUESS WHAT?? "Get on with your life" is just not helpful, nor is it compassionate, nor is it THAT easy. Only time heals...and until then... we still have our questions.
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Posted by bella70777
The question was about Scorpios.... and experiences. If the only thing people can say is "move on" then don't say anything. We're not looking for "relationship" advice... we just wanna know about why Scorpios do what they do. And when someone is heartbroken... they try to live the best they can...day to day without breaking down. Trying to hold back tears. When people come on here to ask a question... we may not always "understand" ... but they're going through something right now. And I know there's not one person on this thread who's never been heartbroken...and GUESS WHAT?? "Get on with your life" is just not helpful, nor is it compassionate, nor is it THAT easy. Only time heals...and until then... we still have our questions.



Thank you, Bella, nicely said. I do come here for understanding the why's of what this man's behavior is. Because I have never been in this situation before, as its very unusual and hurtful. I am hoping for people to share their experience, stength and hope if they have been in this boat before.
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I gotchu girl. Winking
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@tauruswithspunk
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Posted by Tauruswithspunk
Posted by Gemitati
@tauruswithspunk
Yes I dug it up and bumped it lol... I'm about to suffer ?
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Just say 'thank you' and I'll love you forever...❤️
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Posted by Tauruswithspunk
Posted by Gemitati
Posted by Tauruswithspunk
Posted by Gemitati
@tauruswithspunk
Yes I dug it up and bumped it lol... I'm about to suffer ?
Just say 'thank you' and I'll love you forever...❤️
No tati you should've stopped me ?? he fucking fucked me like no other and sent me on my way like here top that... I'll be back lol.

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I've only have you 100 messages about it!

Apparently you are..:Taurus or something? ?
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