*UPDATE* Scorpio Man - Dessert or Disaster

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by novscorp23 on Friday, January 8, 2016 and has 33 replies.
I made a post on here a few weeks ago about this Scorpio man I'm dating. I'm a Scorpio woman. We are so in tune with each other. We can sense each other's emotions before even saying anything. He is very passionate. The sex is amazing. And so far he's been everything I want in a man. Only thing is we're having constant power struggles. I try to let go of my need to control but it's HARD. If I tell him how I feel about him he says I'm moving way too fast. But last night he told me that he loves me and he feels himself falling IN LOVE with me. The thing is.... We've only known each other for 7 weeks. I have never moved this quickly in a relationship. We haven't made it official. We're just dating and TRYING to take our time but the more we try and slow things down, the faster things progress. I feel like I am falling for him too. I get butterflies every time I see him. I'm a sketch artist and he brags to his family about my art. We haven't met each other's family or friends but I have met his kids (he hasn't met mine). I'm skeptical because things are moving so fast but I do think I'm falling in love with him. I did read that Scorpio- Scorpio situationships move very quickly. I'm scared. Whenever I try to withdraw he's right there... Idk what I'm doing or why we both feel the need to fall in love so fast.
I'm not sure about the planets but his birthday is November 15 1986.
Posted by novscorp23
I'm not sure about the planets but his birthday is November 15 1986.

go here; cafeastrology.com

or astro.com

or astrotheme.com

or google astrology charts

because we dont know where/what country he's born in or time.

He has venus in scorpio and so do i. I just looked on there lol
That's the thing. We are both doing this hot and cold thing. We go in for it and then we both withdraw. Then we come back and act like it never happened. We both always talk about the reservations we have and why we need to slow things down. I think that's the logical part of this. Our minds are telling us one thing but the heart is telling another.
Posted by Infinite8
Posted by novscorp23
He has venus in scorpio and so do i. I just looked on there lol

Both of you having Venus in Scorpio only indicates that you both express love in the same manner and will immediately have the same intense expectations of the other. All or nothing right away.
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That makes complete sense. We both expressed that with us it's all or nothing. But we also both said that we don't want to put our eggs in one basket to avoid getting hurt.
Posted by Vixen2
Posted by Infinite8
Posted by Vixen2
Posted by novscorp23
He has venus in scorpio and so do i. I just looked on there lol

you both do?

Oh snap...

I think he is most likely being real....

Not that having another Venus indicates the love is fake... Just different.

I have Venus in Libra and if I were to go that fast... I would definitely feel the need to retreat. I don't trust when it's that fast and I need to make sense out of it.

I only say that because my Scorp had scorp in venus and he knew he loved me by week 3...and had no qualms of telling me so and everyday after that. He did not falter.

It was quite overwhelming but a huge gift as well.
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I could say that its overwhelming but it's really not. I guess because essentially he's like the male version of me so we both give exactly what we receive. Most of the time we have the same thoughts, same feelings... I have been waiting for him to say he loves me for some time... Because I knew how I felt but I'm still afraid of the pace we're moving at. I had a feeling he felt strongly about me. He tells me everyday that he cares about me. It feels weird when I don't talk to him. I do know that at first I was more open with him. But once he came to my house and I cooked for him he became a different person and he's been an open book ever since.
Posted by Infinite8
Posted by novscorp23
Posted by Infinite8
Posted by novscorp23
He has venus in scorpio and so do i. I just looked on there lol

Both of you having Venus in Scorpio only indicates that you both express love in the same manner and will immediately have the same intense expectations of the other. All or nothing right away.


That makes complete sense. We both expressed that with us it's all or nothing. But we also both said that we don't want to put our eggs in one basket to avoid getting hurt.

From what I have read from others that have the Venus in Scorpio, it seems that because you give your all so quickly and intensely, you tend to scare a lot of potential partners off and therefore become a bit more untrusting of future partners and almost creating an expectation that No one else can equate the intensity you give out. When in reality, it might all just be due to timing. Some people need more time than others.

^^^ that is just an observation, feel free to correct me if I am wrong.

So, if you BOTH have this Venus - feel safe that he WILL give his all and just accept it and also feel safe that you CAN give your all and he will love it and feel like he finally found someone who can express love the same as he.

But... If you feel some type of hesitation because you do not feel safe (Scorps are notorious for not trusting when things are just too good). Then just COMMUNICATE with him.

The danger with both of you reading each other so well, being the same sun sign and Venus - you will get lazy on verbalizing your needs and THAT can be a culprit to a downfall. So, be aware of fully expressing what you feel as soon as you feel it's an issue. Be aware that he won't ALWAY read your mind. That way, there is no chance for misinterpretation. Scorps always interpret negative first - so, stay away from that. Appease his worries by just letting him know what you feel.

If you need to go slower - do so and let him know you need that. just don't retreat.
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You are DEAD on. You hit the nail on the head.
My boyfriend is a Scorp Sun and Venus, he knew in the first month that he loved me and tells me and shows me on a daily basis. I understand that there might be fear there for you, if you've been hurt in the past but maybe that is sabotaging something that could be a good thing. Maybe you need to just tell him how you feel and have a conversation about where you both see the relationship going. I understand wanting to take things slow and getting to know someone to make sure there is a real connection and that it is the real thing, I'm a Taurus we are the Queens and Kings of slow! lol I don't know, I'm just giving you the advise that my Scorp and I did. We talked about how we felt about each other and we both knew that we had been through stuff in the past but said that we wanted to be open to what we had together and both decided to put down our fears and trust each other. I think if you talk to him about everything and keep open honest communication you with both be able to work right through this.
Posted by novscorp23
He has venus in scorpio and so do i. I just looked on there lol

he also has taurus moon and aquarius mars.

those squares may mean something.

venus square mars.

moon square mars. venus square mars.
Posted by sugerbear
My boyfriend is a Scorp Sun and Venus, he knew in the first month that he loved me and tells me and shows me on a daily basis. I understand that there might be fear there for you, if you've been hurt in the past but maybe that is sabotaging something that could be a good thing. Maybe you need to just tell him how you feel and have a conversation about where you both see the relationship going. I understand wanting to take things slow and getting to know someone to make sure there is a real connection and that it is the real thing, I'm a Taurus we are the Queens and Kings of slow! lol I don't know, I'm just giving you the advise that my Scorp and I did. We talked about how we felt about each other and we both knew that we had been through stuff in the past but said that we wanted to be open to what we had together and both decided to put down our fears and trust each other. I think if you talk to him about everything and keep open honest communication you with both be able to work right through this.



I'm curious to know... How long was it before you made things official with him?
We first started talking on 10/20/14 (I consider this our anniversary because we both knew that night that we were going to be together) or first official date was 10/25 (we both knew that night that we only wanted to see each other and no one else) and he asked me to be his girlfriend, after his work xmas party, Dec. 5th. To me it seem that you guys are on track.

Now the thing is that I let him do the leading but I was always honest on how I felt about him and let him know both by telling him and backing it up with my actions. One of the things I have noticed with him, from the beginning, is that when I am vulnerable and open with my communication it brings his walls down and then he is the same in return. That is why I say just communicate your feelings to him and tell him and show him you care.

The other things is that I don't usually move that fast and it was scary for me at first but yet it always felt right so I had to give myself permission to not let my junk from past relationships put fear in me to do something dumb and sabotage something that could be a very very good thing. And in all honesty it was hard at first but because I was allowing myself to be vulnerable he always made it easy and I realized I didn't need to be scared. I can't say that it will turn out the same for you but don't you at least want to try then wonder what would have been?

Posted by sugerbear
We first started talking on 10/20/14 (I consider this our anniversary because we both knew that night that we were going to be together) or first official date was 10/25 (we both knew that night that we only wanted to see each other and no one else) and he asked me to be his girlfriend, after his work xmas party, Dec. 5th. To me it seem that you guys are on track.

Now the thing is that I let him do the leading but I was always honest on how I felt about him and let him know both by telling him and backing it up with my actions. One of the things I have noticed with him, from the beginning, is that when I am vulnerable and open with my communication it brings his walls down and then he is the same in return. That is why I say just communicate your feelings to him and tell him and show him you care.

The other things is that I don't usually move that fast and it was scary for me at first but yet it always felt right so I had to give myself permission to not let my junk from past relationships put fear in me to do something dumb and sabotage something that could be a very very good thing. And in all honesty it was hard at first but because I was allowing myself to be vulnerable he always made it easy and I realized I didn't need to be scared. I can't say that it will turn out the same for you but don't you at least want to try then wonder what would have been?



We met 11/22. Dated for the first time 11/28. We spent the night together 12/22 and then again on 1/3. And he told me he loved me last night. We haven't seen each other that often either. Maybe once a week? I feel like if we saw each other more often things would probably move faster lol.
Yeah they would! My and my guy saw each other 2x a week in the being, usually Wed and a weekend day and then after about a 2 months it was Wed and together for the whole weekend (we lived about 45 min apart). Now we live together, we both talked about it and I said that I thought we should date for a yr before moving in, we moved in together this last Sept so it was a little sooner but the perfect place fell into our laps and we couldn't let it pass.

I think if he is matching you then you need to put your fears aside.
Posted by sugerbear
Yeah they would! My and my guy saw each other 2x a week in the being, usually Wed and a weekend day and then after about a 2 months it was Wed and together for the whole weekend (we lived about 45 min apart). Now we live together, we both talked about it and I said that I thought we should date for a yr before moving in, we moved in together this last Sept so it was a little sooner but the perfect place fell into our laps and we couldn't let it pass.

I think if he is matching you then you need to put your fears aside.

Lol we live 30-40 minutes apart... That's crazy. Yes I need to put my fears aside and dive in.
I am a Scorpio as well and the girl that i've been getting to know the last 2 years is a Scorpio. We are 2 days apart. The 12th and she is the 14th. Her dads birthday is the 14th and their anniversary is the 12th. Very interesting. We've been friends for almost 2 years. She's opened up and then got cold on me. Mostly after she opens up. She is more protective, guarded and i'm more open and expressive. It's a rollercoaster ride for us just getting over the hump. I get the drunk phone calls, then she blames it on the alcohol. We talk for hours at a time..Then she'll go a few days in between calling. I understand your situation completely. She is more on the negative side of things since she had a failed engagement a few years back. All I can say is express yourself and hang on because it will probably be a long ride.. That's all I do.. Make sure she knows how I feel and be patient. Good luck !!
elp he finally did something to piss me off. He told me he wanted to invite me to his church but if I go I can't mention that I know him because his ex wife's whole family goes there. I'm not going there if I have to act like I don't know him.

On top of that he finally admitted he's talking to other girls. I don't understand why he told me he was falling in love with me then... I've been crying all morning.
Hi @novscorp23

I can't give you the answers but maybe a bit of solidarity.

I am a Scorp woman, Pisces Moon, Scorpio Venus and I am dating a Scorp man, Cappy moon, Scorpio Venus and I can first of all empathise with the intensity. It is just off the chart chemistry and it does move very quickly, I think we both felt little in love very quickly - maybe two dates, but like you we were friends first also so it had been building a while.

I have never been with such a complex and confusing person. Its been quite stressful. We have broken up once for two months because it was that bad. He was intense and then pulling away and constantly with the ego battles.

I can't say I have resolved it. He STILL is very hard work at times - totally moody, totally pulls away after an amazing date for goes quiet a few days, totally testing me all the time but I can tell you that if you want to do it - you just have to do it.

Drop your own ego
Drop your own testing
Drop getting upset over his hot and cold games

Just let him know you like him and want him, be yourself, get on with your own life and this is the big one - DON'T TAKE ANY OF HIS SHIT.

Seriously the last one is important.

With this guy now he knows y limits and boundaries and he knows he he crosses them I am out the door, but at the same time he knows I care about him and want him bad. It's a very hard balancing act.

To be honest, the relationships is like fire and ice. Fireworks. Crazy intense, incredible sense, off the charts connection- but what it isn't is safe or easy. Maybe that comes later, but initially you are two Scorpions dancing around each other.

Part of all of my problems come from the fact that he is a Scorp with Scorp venus (so alllll the passion and brooding sexy) and he has that Cappy moon which makes him reserved and slow to act at the same time. The other part of my problem is that he is kind of immature, and acts in ways to sabotage himself.

I used to get all upset and cry.

Now I call him on his bull shit.

And he respects me for it.

It's a wild ride...my best advice to you is to get your own self esteem in check and be really strong. You need to be loving, but also really strong.

Posted by TerScor67
I am a Scorpio as well and the girl that i've been getting to know the last 2 years is a Scorpio. We are 2 days apart. The 12th and she is the 14th. Her dads birthday is the 14th and their anniversary is the 12th. Very interesting. We've been friends for almost 2 years. She's opened up and then got cold on me. Mostly after she opens up. She is more protective, guarded and i'm more open and expressive. It's a rollercoaster ride for us just getting over the hump. I get the drunk phone calls, then she blames it on the alcohol. We talk for hours at a time..Then she'll go a few days in between calling. I understand your situation completely. She is more on the negative side of things since she had a failed engagement a few years back. All I can say is express yourself and hang on because it will probably be a long ride.. That's all I do.. Make sure she knows how I feel and be patient. Good luck !!

Can i just say I 100% agree with this experience.

With my Scorp...we get SOOOO close one day and then he pulls away. Always right after we got super close. I am a Scorpio too and DON'T do this, but like your GF my guy also has a failed engagement behind him and a very negative view of life and love. Scorpio's I reckon can get so hung up on past hurt that they are so terrified of going back there. I am working through this slowly, but it has required a lot of patience from me and it will definitely be a long ride. One that might come to nothing but you have to decide if that person is special enough to be worth it.
Well early this morning we had a talk over text messages. He has a small business and I've been supportive of his dreams helping him out and all that stuff. It sucks. I feel like i gave him all of me. He has not responded to my texts. I have been crying so much. I don't know what to do. I've tried so hard. I'm a wreck right now. I thought i found everything i desired in a man in him. I guess not.
Posted by AlaniaB
Posted by TerScor67
I am a Scorpio as well and the girl that i've been getting to know the last 2 years is a Scorpio. We are 2 days apart. The 12th and she is the 14th. Her dads birthday is the 14th and their anniversary is the 12th. Very interesting. We've been friends for almost 2 years. She's opened up and then got cold on me. Mostly after she opens up. She is more protective, guarded and i'm more open and expressive. It's a rollercoaster ride for us just getting over the hump. I get the drunk phone calls, then she blames it on the alcohol. We talk for hours at a time..Then she'll go a few days in between calling. I understand your situation completely. She is more on the negative side of things since she had a failed engagement a few years back. All I can say is express yourself and hang on because it will probably be a long ride.. That's all I do.. Make sure she knows how I feel and be patient. Good luck !!

Can i just say I 100% agree with this experience.

With my Scorp...we get SOOOO close one day and then he pulls away. Always right after we got super close. I am a Scorpio too and DON'T do this, but like your GF my guy also has a failed engagement behind him and a very negative view of life and love. Scorpio's I reckon can get so hung up on past hurt that they are so terrified of going back there. I am working through this slowly, but it has required a lot of patience from me and it will definitely be a long ride. One that might come to nothing but you have to decide if that person is special enough to be worth it.
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This girl has been there for me through a one year relationship I was in ( I am single now) and during that time I was in a relationship we had gotten close. Nothing happened during this time but I knew we had crossed emotional boundaries. It's tough to know what to do when they get cold on you. I'm so used to talking to her daily that when a few days go by I get very impatient and worried. I'm not sure if just laying low and giving her space is what I should do or reassure her my feelings now that I am single. She does know what my feelings are but her trust issues are through the roof right now. Once I got the drunken phone call with the sexual and emotional conversation that it entailed I realized that she is into me, but she blames it on the alcohol.. I don't fall for that excuse-EVER! We've talked since then, but she has become more guarded with me since she revealed her secrets on that phone call. I can't stand the HOT/COLD parts as I am up front with my feelings, but maybe if I tone it down and suffer in silence it will make her miss me a little more? We haven't time together since I was in a relationship but maybe now things will be different.
@novscorp23
About him texting other girls. Seriously...in the new stages of a relationship I don't think that means much yet. Especially with Scorps. We attract people like crazy and to be honest if we want someone we just go for it. Seeing as he told you, he is either testing you / pushing you away or genuinely wants to drive you away. Only one way to find out is to ask him directly what his motivation is for telling you.

@TerScor67
I agree with @Infinite8 that you have to tell her you have feelings for her if you haven't yet. As a Scorpio woman I personally need a person to express this, and that sort of devotion and caring is very attractive to me. More than that - human to human - sometimes you have to take a risk and put it out there
Posted by Infinite8
@TerScor67 : Have you told her clearly that you broke up with your girlfriend BECAUSE you chose to be with Scorp? have you communicated to your Scorp how much she means to you?

She does know about my recent breakup. I told her that my feelings have always been with her but she is so protective and guarded right now. Her ex fiance from a few years ago is also professing his love for her, but she wants nothing to do with him and doesn't respond to his texts. So that doesn't help the situation. She's been scatterbrained and overwhelmed with other things going on in her life. She lives in a small town and deals with small town drama. Not sure what else I can do right now. Words are only words when you can act on them and until we can get some one on one time then i'll have to be patient. This "cold" spell sucks right now. One week ago she was the most sexual, open girl to me. Now closed up like a clam.. How do they turn their feelings off so quickly???
One thing on these lines with the Scorpio guy I am dating @TerScor67 is the obvious distance he creates after dates. He does it after every single date, without fail.

On our first date, we had an amazing time and I was so happy and the next day he was absolutely cold and distant. I genuinely thought I was dumped and he hated the date from the way he acted. He suprised me a couple of weeks ago by saying that was the best date of his life, and one of the happiest days of his life. So strange he acted the opposite!!!!

Nowadays, we are 4 months into seeing each other but have split up for two months in between due to this problem. And our biggest problem is that he goes cold and distant after every date.

I am not talking about a small change. I am talking about night and day.

For example we had a date on Friday night. Before Friday night for the whole week he was calling eveyr night to say goodnight, wanted to know everything I was doing, texted me for probably 300 messages a day, like even at work, so intimate and cute and talking about how he'd never wanted any girl more than me. I felt wonderful and he even left work early to make our ate start one hour early bcause he said he couldn't catch his breath from wanting to see me.

Then right after this amazing date, and wonderful night he is like a different person. Hardly any messages, no calls, not reading the message I sent him for 3 hours (he usually reads and replies in 5 seconds), business like conversations with no romance and no "I miss you" and nothing. Nothing at all to indicate any positive feeling towards me

So you know - dealing with that is HARD.

But then I know within 3 - 4 days he goes back to normal like nothing happenned and he is all crazy hot for me again.

I don't like the behavior, but it is a pattern, and one I am learning to live with and not take personally. I would love to know from other Scorpios what this behavior is all about. It is getting slowly better - but it feels to me like he needs to get away from me for a few days after every time we meet!!!
Posted by AlaniaB
@novscorp23
About him texting other girls. Seriously...in the new stages of a relationship I don't think that means much yet. Especially with Scorps. We attract people like crazy and to be honest if we want someone we just go for it. Seeing as he told you, he is either testing you / pushing you away or genuinely wants to drive you away. Only one way to find out is to ask him directly what his motivation is for telling you.

@TerScor67
I agree with @Infinite8 that you have to tell her you have feelings for her if you haven't yet. As a Scorpio woman I personally need a person to express this, and that sort of devotion and caring is very attractive to me. More than that - human to human - sometimes you have to take a risk and put it out there

@AlaniaB... I did tell her I loved her.. It was tough for me since I felt I was pushed into telling her so soon, but I needed her to know. I have no problems being open and honest with her, but she is very protecting and guarded. She seems to be living in her past relationship failures. The good thing is that when we are having these intense conversations and misunderstandings she always seems to come back. I feel like I can't keep saying my feelings over and over. I am trying to keep it light and easy as things are much better. Repeating my feelings just gets annoying after awhile and she likes me much better when I make her laugh which is a quality she loves about me..



I think if you have told her once that is enough. I am sorry to suggest this, but if she knows you love her and she is not with you, it might be an idea to pull away and let her miss you a little!
Posted by Infinite8
Posted by AlaniaB
I think if you have told her once that is enough. I am sorry to suggest this, but if she knows you love her and she is not with you, it might be an idea to pull away and let her miss you a little!

Yep. You need to pull away. She probably feels overwhelmed by the energy and it's not allowing her to miss you. Scorps like to long for the other party. It brings us closer to how we really feel and makes us want to act on it.

This way YOU will also get a feel for where she really stands.
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I agree with that 100% .

Us Scorpio woman can be a bit strange about this, because honestly....male friends or aquantances are often declaring love for us. It's something we bring out in men, like an inftuation. Not only do I not trust it, but I can actuallly be kind of insulted by it. I know that sounds harsh but it just feels not real. For me to really know what I feel for someone, like @Infinite8 says I definitely need to experience longing for them. And it can shake me out of my apathy to realise what I want.
You ladies make great sense. She never used to be this complicated until she came out of her shell and opened up. Went right back in it. She's spontaneous so I can never know when my next message or phone call will come smile
So scorpio man texted me. Just to tell me that he didn't speak to his ex wife while he was at church. I asked him why he felt the need to tell me and he didn'trespond. I told him how i felt and he didn't respond. I'm balling in tears.
Posted by AlaniaB
One thing on these lines with the Scorpio guy I am dating @TerScor67 is the obvious distance he creates after dates. He does it after every single date, without fail.

On our first date, we had an amazing time and I was so happy and the next day he was absolutely cold and distant. I genuinely thought I was dumped and he hated the date from the way he acted. He suprised me a couple of weeks ago by saying that was the best date of his life, and one of the happiest days of his life. So strange he acted the opposite!!!!

Nowadays, we are 4 months into seeing each other but have split up for two months in between due to this problem. And our biggest problem is that he goes cold and distant after every date.

I am not talking about a small change. I am talking about night and day.

For example we had a date on Friday night. Before Friday night for the whole week he was calling eveyr night to say goodnight, wanted to know everything I was doing, texted me for probably 300 messages a day, like even at work, so intimate and cute and talking about how he'd never wanted any girl more than me. I felt wonderful and he even left work early to make our ate start one hour early bcause he said he couldn't catch his breath from wanting to see me.

Then right after this amazing date, and wonderful night he is like a different person. Hardly any messages, no calls, not reading the message I sent him for 3 hours (he usually reads and replies in 5 seconds), business like conversations with no romance and no "I miss you" and nothing. Nothing at all to indicate any positive feeling towards me

So you know - dealing with that is HARD.

But then I know within 3 - 4 days he goes back to normal like nothing happenned and he is all crazy hot for me again.

I don't like the behavior, but it is a pattern, and one I am learning to live with and not take personally. I would love to know from other Scorpios what this behavior is all about. It is getting slowly better - but it feels to me like he needs to get away from me for a few days after every time we meet!!!

We have similar situations for sure. I wish I had the answers as to why they need space after HOT spell. My guess is that they are both scared to let someone close for fear of being hurt. She was hurt from her engagement a couple of years ago and the fact that he is currently saying the "I love you" and trying to get her back (which she will never do) doesn't help me since i've opened up to her telling her that I love her. Really takes the meaning away since she told me about his recent actions. The fact that she stood with me during my relationship meant a lot to me. We actually got closer which made things more intense. Now that i'm single I don't expect things to change overnight so i'm just tryin
My message was cut off for some reason. All I can say is be patient with your situation. One thing I know about her is that we do have a great bond. I don't know why she gets cold and goes 3 or 4 days in between calls then we'll talk for 5 hrs. She knows I love her. Hopefully in time she can trust and have faith in that so we can move forward. For 2 people born 2 days apart under the Scorpio sign we are so opposite. I'm so open when I need to be and she is so guarded (especially after she does open up). She opened up a lot during the drunk phone call so now i'm getting the cold spell.. It sucks, but if I care about her then I have to be patient.
@Sugarbear- Howdy neighbor, and I say that because I live 15 minutes away from Corona. Lol. So just saying hi, hello..

@infinite8- Man I have VIT and what you were saying up there holds truth about how intense and strong I can be, I usually just go for it being quite open and expressive. Only to take alot of steps back after the adrenaline rush.. and I get to finally see the red flags if there are some. Because I can be so cloudy and then so detach because I am open more than others especially my emotions, that I feel I do scare em.

@OP-Just go for it, ask questions, and see why there's so much attraction right away. Because it's all euphoria in the beginning. It's only like when certain things aren't matching up to you, you start thinking why am I feeling like there's something wrong. That is just a red flag about that whole church thing. Now you've communicated how you felt and he shut down. I get that too. I don't like liars or secrets especially if it's important for a long term relationship. And everyone should just be able to share anything with that person. And you didn't get that. If you're friends.
How long does the silent treatment last?