We haven't even kissed...why keep me around?

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by unsure_aries on Saturday, September 19, 2009 and has 46 replies.
So obviously this Scorp wasn't that into me...we hung out 9 times (sometimes with his friends though) and he never even kissed me...really though, why keep me around then?! i understand if we were hooking up and he wanted to "get some" but that wasn't even the case.
doesn't a Scorp/man know by the 3rd or 4th time hanging out if they like a girl or not? why keep asking me to hang out if you're not interested? it just doesn't make sense to me, but i think i'm a bit naive when it comes to the whole dating/playing games thing.
was he THAT insecure that he just needed me around for attention? was i just too nice/naive and he didn't want to be blunt with me? (even though i gave him plenty of chances to be! hah)
any opinions would be very helpful!! smile thank you smile

and if you're so inclined, you can read more about my Scorp at this thread: http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/messages.asp?id=1741905
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p.s. thanks couldbeme!! smile and this guy is turning 30 years old in november...i'm 24 years old.
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He was testing you. He was taking it slow, yet when you didn't respond to him/or didn't respond in a way that he felt comfortable enough to go forward, he would take two steps back, making you feel as if he was playing games. He wasn't. He was only self-preserving. I did read your other post about him, and the questions he was asking you were definitely testing questions, assessing your responses. Sorry, but that's the way Scorps roll.
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Posted by candlz
He was testing you. He was taking it slow, yet when you didn't respond to him/or didn't respond in a way that he felt comfortable enough to go forward, he would take two steps back, making you feel as if he was playing games. He wasn't. He was only self-preserving. I did read your other post about him, and the questions he was asking you were definitely testing questions, assessing your responses. Sorry, but that's the way Scorps roll.



thanks candiz! damn those testing scorps! haha.
yeah, i figured he was testing me...but we've now known each other since MAY...it's now september. i mean, how long does the testing go on for?? i am completely fine with taking things slow...but when i tell him i would love to try dating or whatever and pretty much get no response back from him it just makes me think, what are we doing??
and i guess it just got to the point where i didn't think he was making much of an effort, i.e. he's just not that into you. i was completely honest with him but definitely didn't get much back from him, so it just makes me wonder...
when you read my other thread, do you remember those specific questions he asked me that were "testing" questions?
i appreciate your help, thanks! also, do you think he'll come back around after that last text he sent me?
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In my honest opinion, I would say he gave up. And I'll explain why I am saying that. From reading what you have said, it sounds like when he would 'warm up' to you, you backed off. When he backed off, you warmed up. Like couldbeme said, with a scorp, trust is a big thing. With you running hot and cold, you sent him mixed messages. He backed off. For example, when he asked you if you wanted to catch a movie and you just ignored him, how could he establish trust?? What would of been so wrong with letting him know that you were out of town?
You have to decide whether or not you want a relationship with him. If not, then forget him and move on. If you do, then you can't run hot and cold and expect to establish a loving, trusting relationship with a Scorp. And no I don't think you will hear from him, unless you do the calling. If you decide to do that, no more games.
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He has probably sent mixed messages to you as well. That is the 'one step forward-two steps back' thing about Scorps. It may not be or sound fair, but that's how Scorps roll. It's a self preservation thing. And until Scorps are sure that the object of their affection can be trusted, they can spin indefinitely or until they get tired of spinning!!
I would see if he contacts you in the next few days/week. If not, and you want to post on his FB page, post something light and see how that is taken. If he doesn't respond, then you know. If he does respond, be sincere. If he asks you in the future if you want to meet him or go see a movie(for example)and you can't, let him know. Otherwise, he will think you don't want to be/do things with him(translation...trust).

Good luck in whatever you do....
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Posted by candlz
He has probably sent mixed messages to you as well. That is the 'one step forward-two steps back' thing about Scorps. It may not be or sound fair, but that's how Scorps roll. It's a self preservation thing. And until Scorps are sure that the object of their affection can be trusted, they can spin indefinitely or until they get tired of spinning!!
I would see if he contacts you in the next few days/week. If not, and you want to post on his FB page, post something light and see how that is taken. If he doesn't respond, then you know. If he does respond, be sincere. If he asks you in the future if you want to meet him or go see a movie(for example)and you can't, let him know. Otherwise, he will think you don't want to be/do things with him(translation...trust).

Good luck in whatever you do....



ugggh, this is such a tough situation :-/ i really want to believe he's a good genuine guy, but when i feel like i've put so much out there already, it's difficult :-/ i mean, he's a guy...and we hadn't kissed in the 5 months of knowing each other...which leads me to believe he's probably getting it from somewhere else, right? and i feel like we were always doing things around his schedule (which is pretty open i might add...), which i would be fine with if i didn't think he was just jerking me around.
so, it's been 6 days now since his last text...nearly a week. i would love to message him, but i keep going back and forth about it. if anything lately, i've learned that sometimes i need to just let things be once and a while. i don't want to message him and have him not respond, then i'll look like an idiot and he'll gain back total control. i told him i would love to date him, so i feel like if he's ready to date he knows where to find me? or maybe i'll just message him when i have something to say, like if his buddy who is getting married contacts me about photography, we'll see...oh, and i'm pretty sure he blocked me from seeing his FB wall a couple months ago...because when he first added me, i could write comments if i wanted to and see comments, but as of a few months ago that changed...so that makes trusting him more difficult too...i dunno!
also...i might be moving like 6 hours away in about 6-9 months, so then i think to myself...what's the point? :-/ UGH.
thank you candlz!!
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This is actually really interesting to me becuase I feel like I'm having some of the same confusion only I'm a Scorpio girl with an Aries man. As a Scorpio, I can tell that he definitely really likes you a lot; however, it sounds like you both may be confusing each other. Scorpios prefer that the other person makes the first move and Aries are known to make the first move, but I seem to be having this backward problem wih mine as well where neither one of us is making any real first moves, but we feel a lot more comfortable texting each other about all the things we wanna do. I have a lot of Scorpio guy friends and believe it or not... they're pretty nervous about what to say or do when they like a girl even when they seem so much more sure of themselves. Scorpios and Aries both like independence, but they also love the stability of relationships; therefore, we find ourselves unsure of whether or not we want a serious relationship which can put a strain on what you are trying to achieve with the person you like. Sometimes we want it, sometimes we don't... so both Aries and Scorpios are just putting out very mixed signals.
My advice... do a subtle move... like if you hug him goodbye... give him a little soft kiss on the neck. Something that shows him that you want him without actually having to say it since everyone seems to have such a hard time voicing their feelings nowadays.
Good Luck!
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oops...here is the rest:
but we both like hanging out with one another and that's what makes this situation so tough. i would be fine with being friends with him, but he's so flirty through text message that i'd probably tell him he needs to stop that if we were just going to be friends...
so, i can't do any of these subtle moves you talk about because we aren't really "talking" at the moment and i deleted his number...maybe in a few weeks i should just message him on facebook asking if he wants to go to a hockey game?? as friends?....what do you think?
thanks!
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Check your inbox. I'll write you some more in there in a few minutes.
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Posted by ScorpGirl83
Check your inbox. I'll write you some more in there in a few minutes.


thank you!! you rock!! i'll check back in a bit smile
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Posted by ScorpGirl83
Check your inbox. I'll write you some more in there in a few minutes.


i just read your message....and i'm going to write back right now smile
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ScorpGirl83- you've got mail smile
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When he said...'take care', I sense at that point he felt defeated. He had tried to hook up with you and when you didn't respond, that said to him you just weren't into him. It sounds to me like he has viewed you as someone to hang out with....until recently when something clicked and he decided to take it farther. HOWEVER, for a Scorp, that means slow and steady and the 'one step forward-two steps back' dance begins. Remember Scorps need to trust you and even moreso trust themselves to take another step forward. Scorps have a reputation for being bad boys/girls, but that's a mask only the outside world sees.
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You didn't try to kiss him .... so, he probably thinks you aren't that into him.
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Posted by candlz
When he said...'take care', I sense at that point he felt defeated. He had tried to hook up with you and when you didn't respond, that said to him you just weren't into him. It sounds to me like he has viewed you as someone to hang out with....until recently when something clicked and he decided to take it farther. HOWEVER, for a Scorp, that means slow and steady and the 'one step forward-two steps back' dance begins. Remember Scorps need to trust you and even moreso trust themselves to take another step forward. Scorps have a reputation for being bad boys/girls, but that's a mask only the outside world sees.


thank you again candlz smile
what do you think it was that "clicked" with him and made him want to take things further? because i almost feel like we've regressed! :-/ i feel like things were awesome in the beginning and then just got kind of weird....yet, he still asked me to hang out.
maybe i just need to be even more patient with him? maybe just keep things super light and just think of him as a friend, and then i won't get hurt or disappointed?...just go with the flow and don't read into things too much?! i mean, Scorps are honest people, right? so maybe i need to stop overanalyzing things :-/
dang you Scorps for being so difficult!! :-P
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Posted by P-Angel
You didn't try to kiss him .... so, he probably thinks you aren't that into him.


ugh, really?! i've just never even thought to make the first move :-/ he seems so confident, i don't want to mess things up by trying to kiss him...maybe we both need a little liquid courage before any kissing goes on :-/
...we'll see if i ever even hang out with him again though after all of this!! Sad ugh.
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I won't try to analyze what 'it' is that clicked for him. It could of been anything. If he didn't have any interest in you, he wouldn't of given you the time of day. Scorps don't waste time playing.
Yes I think you need to keep things light, because if you come on strong, he will start to wonder what kind of game you are playing, especially when you ignored him in the past. And that will backfire, big time. Keep things subtle until you sense that he is warming up. But as I said prior, NO GAMES!!!! Make sure you know for certain you want a relationship, because if you play with his emotions again, he WILL be gone and you won't get another chance!!
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Posted by candlz
I won't try to analyze what 'it' is that clicked for him. It could of been anything. If he didn't have any interest in you, he wouldn't of given you the time of day. Scorps don't waste time playing.
Yes I think you need to keep things light, because if you come on strong, he will start to wonder what kind of game you are playing, especially when you ignored him in the past. And that will backfire, big time. Keep things subtle until you sense that he is warming up. But as I said prior, NO GAMES!!!! Make sure you know for certain you want a relationship, because if you play with his emotions again, he WILL be gone and you won't get another chance!!



i know, that's what i'm so confused about! haha. i guess he DID give me the time of day, but it just didn't seem like it was a whole lot :-/ like...could he be doing the same thing to 5 other girls??!
what do you suggest i message to him? ScorpGirl83 talked to her guy Scorp friends and they said that they would want to hear something like "Sorry how things were working out before, but I really miss hanging out with you." ...so maybe something along those lines? or even lighter like "i miss my movie buddy" ---> we both really liked movies...i just don't know! should i tell him i'm done with the game playing or something too?
i think i just really need to concentrate on being good friends with him first and see where that takes us...and just take things as they come and not read too much into everything. i mean, we haven't even kissed...so it's not like i feel that dumb about the whole situation. guess i'll just put myself out there again and see what happens!
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Glad you heard from Scorp, and in such a short amount of time. That tells me he is interested in you.

Commitment? He told you he wants to meet up with you, what more do you want from him at this point? Stop pushing...that will get you nowhere. It seems you both have busy lives, might take a while to pinpoint a day, time, etc. to get together. That isn't him being wishy-washy, but life's ability to get in the way.
By what you have written, per his words, he is questioning your motives, and rightly so. He wants to trust you, but is also cautious because of your past behavior. Be straight up with him, don't just say 'nothing happened', talk to him. Tell him you were unsure of him, you, whatever your reasoning was. And stop thinking he has ulterior motives or that he has 'girls on the side'. As I have said prior, if he wasn't interested in you, you would never have got to the place you are at with him. Scorps don't waste time on those that they have no interest in...not even to play games, unless of course that person has scorned the Scorp.
At this point my advice to you is...
Trust him..
Have Patience..
Be honest with him



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Test, Test, Test...this is what they do. If he likes you, there will be no doubt, but it could take a bit to get there.
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Posted by candlz
Glad you heard from Scorp, and in such a short amount of time. That tells me he is interested in you.
Commitment? He told you he wants to meet up with you, what more do you want from him at this point? Stop pushing...that will get you nowhere. It seems you both have busy lives, might take a while to pinpoint a day, time, etc. to get together. That isn't him being wishy-washy, but life's ability to get in the way.
By what you have written, per his words, he is questioning your motives, and rightly so. He wants to trust you, but is also cautious because of your past behavior. Be straight up with him, don't just say 'nothing happened', talk to him. Tell him you were unsure of him, you, whatever your reasoning was. And stop thinking he has ulterior motives or that he has 'girls on the side'. As I have said prior, if he wasn't interested in you, you would never have got to the place you are at with him. Scorps don't waste time on those that they have no interest in...not even to play games, unless of course that person has scorned the Scorp.
At this point my advice to you is...
Trust him..
Have Patience..
Be honest with him




hi again candlz smile
yeah, i figure this is all moving in the right direction, which is awesome! smile i know, my mom was actually helping me with all of those texts last night, hahah...i wouldn't have been so pushy about meeting up but she just told me to keep asking...i am just going to let it be now though smile we will meet when we have the time....
i think we're honestly both confused by each other at this point...both not trusting one another...next time we talk, i really am going to be straight up with him, tell him why he confuses me and give him a chance to respond...and of course i want to hear his issues with me too. and thank you thank you smile this time i'm around i'm really going to trust him, have patience, and be honest smile at this point...what do i really have to lose? time to just put it all out there!
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Posted by ramfishtwins
Test, Test, Test...this is what they do. If he likes you, there will be no doubt, but it could take a bit to get there.



thanks RFT smile i just have to trust that he does like me because why else would he be wasting his time? ...it could take a while, but yes, i definitely need to be patient! smile
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Posted by Madalena
confused aries, this dude is already suspicious of u...so if u wanna build his trust, a good starting point would be NOT to post everything he says verbatim, ok?
scorps are inquisitive by nature, so if he thinks ur fishy, he's gonna investigate...make sure he doesnt find ur online persona cuz then, hon, u and him would be soooo over.
inquire with tact, and that's all i'm saying



hahah, very true...i just so value your guys' opinions in here! lol...i think i'll go back through and hide some of my posts smile i doubt he would EVER suspect that i would post in here, but just in case!
thanks Madalena smile
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Posted by deemnsout4ever
""I'm 28,my dear,"
aaawwww ur such a baby..."
you're not funny,you know
just delete the thread once you've got what you want out of it,unsure_aries..problem solved ??
"lmao...omg sammy boy...i cant believe uve scrutinized my picture to the tee....yes, i DO have a spot on my cheek in that pic for realz...ur such a scorpio arent ya?"
I didn't scrutinize,it practically jumped off the screen at me smile
Thought you said it wasn't you too ??
haha




good plan smile thanks!!
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Posted by unsure_aries
Posted by ramfishtwins
Test, Test, Test...this is what they do. If he likes you, there will be no doubt, but it could take a bit to get there.



thanks RFT smile i just have to trust that he does like me because why else would he be wasting his time? ...it could take a while, but yes, i definitely need to be patient! smile
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Exactly...he wouldn't be wasting his time. Us Aries gals aren't exactly known for our patience!! But, you are correct, you will need gobs of it with a Scorp. Once he comes around, watch out, it will probably be very intense.
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Posted by ramfishtwins
Exactly...he wouldn't be wasting his time. Us Aries gals aren't exactly known for our patience!! But, you are correct, you will need gobs of it with a Scorp. Once he comes around, watch out, it will probably be very intense.



hahah, and all along i thought i had pretty good patience, lol...leave it to a Scorp to bring out my true colors! smile
....i'm excited about where this could go smile hopefully i didn't scare him off...but it'll all be explained when we meet up smile
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Posted by unsure_aries
Posted by ramfishtwins
Exactly...he wouldn't be wasting his time. Us Aries gals aren't exactly known for our patience!! But, you are correct, you will need gobs of it with a Scorp. Once he comes around, watch out, it will probably be very intense.



hahah, and all along i thought i had pretty good patience, lol...leave it to a Scorp to bring out my true colors! smile
....i'm excited about where this could go smile hopefully i didn't scare him off...but it'll all be explained when we meet up smile


Explained is the key. There's no need to hold anything back. They appreciate honesty and strong women. So, give him the what what and always be yourself.
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@ RFT:
Explained is the key. There's no need to hold anything back. They appreciate honesty and strong women. So, give him the what what and always be yourself.
i think that was my problem...in the beginning i was totally myself, up until a few weeks ago when everyone was telling me to play games with him because that's what he was doing with me. so NO MORE OF THAT! smile i'm really terrible at the game playing too, and i hate doing it...i'd much rather be honest...it's so much easier!! smile haha.
thank you!! Big Grin
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@ deem:
more easier,more fun,more interesting (who's going to 'break' and pounce first smile )
treetrunk those peeps who get all their 'how to keep a man interested....be a twat!!!' knowledge from Cosmopolitan etc...
Even if it all goes tits up,it's better to have gone in with your mindset, rather than someone's who isn't that bothered about the outcome (and let's be honest,that's kinda true for the most part)....
omg, i know...the anticipation of our first kiss is KILLING ME, hahah. i REALLY hope he's an amazing kisser, or i am going to be totally bummed :-/ haha.
exactly, i am much better being myself and if things don't work out because i was being myself, then his loss...but if i start playing games with him and not act like myself and things don't work out, then it's my own fault!
and yeah, i don't really think anyone does care about the outcome...only you guys on dxp!! haha. i think because no one here really "knows" me, i get a real opinion...instead of friends or family that know me and just want the best for me...not that you guys don't want the best for me, but you know what i mean! smile
thanks deem!! smile
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Posted by deemnsout4ever
"omg, i know...the anticipation of our first kiss is KILLING ME, hahah. i REALLY hope he's an amazing kisser, or i am going to be totally bummed :-/ haha."
TongueTongue true, although that's not to say the first one is the great decider (ie: If you're both really drunk,or can't stop smiling,even though they aren't shit,and they don't spoil the moment,usually)


hahah, yesss...very true! i have a feeling he will be a good kisser, but i'll give him some more chances if he's not Winking hehe. can't wait!!! lol.
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Posted by deemnsout4ever
Always happy to help too smile


you rock!! smile
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Posted by deemnsout4ever
pounce on him !!smile


man, i so want to! i actually was day dreaming about that last night...and it was amazing smile lol. but i'm nervous?! Sad
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Posted by deemnsout4ever
pounce on him !!smile


i wholeheartedly endorse this course of action.
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Posted by deemnsout4ever
sorry,tipsysmile


yeah, pretty sure that's what is going to have to happen if he wants me to jump him Big Grin hahah
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Posted by .trifles light as air.
Posted by deemnsout4ever
pounce on him !!smile


i wholeheartedly endorse this course of action.
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hahaha, YES. thank you smile i'll keep everyone posted! might not be for a couple weeks though...we're both going out of town different weeks :-/ boo!
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Posted by deemnsout4ever
*sleepy time....so the above comment holds no weight once this night has passed*


it holds no weight in the first place. i'm much worse than you know.
night night bling. smile
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it wasn't supposed to be scary, per se....
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Posted by unsure_aries
@ RFT:
Explained is the key. There's no need to hold anything back. They appreciate honesty and strong women. So, give him the what what and always be yourself.
i think that was my problem...in the beginning i was totally myself, up until a few weeks ago when everyone was telling me to play games with him because that's what he was doing with me. so NO MORE OF THAT! smile i'm really terrible at the game playing too, and i hate doing it...i'd much rather be honest...it's so much easier!! smile haha.
thank you!! Big Grin


I have found us Aries are not good at the game. We tire of it quickly. Also, playing his game back is not how to properly handle a Scorp and I'm glad you've realized that. We all come to that realization usually later rather than sooner ;P
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We haven't even kissed...why keep me around?


Not sure, but, willing to wager he won't have a desire for you much longer ... Scorpios like people with some backbone.
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Backbone...YES
Overbearing...NO
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@ RFT:
I have found us Aries are not good at the game. We tire of it quickly. Also, playing his game back is not how to properly handle a Scorp and I'm glad you've realized that. We all come to that realization usually later rather than sooner ;P
yes, NOT GOOD AT ALL, hahah...and he could totally tell that i wasn't acting myself. i don't want to be someone i'm not! :-/ yeah, i really don't want to ruin what we could possibly have, so i'm glad i realized it too and stopped listening to what everyone else telling me what to do...i really hope this Scorp doesn't end up hurting/playing me, but i guess that is just a risk i have to take at this point. there must be some reason he's still keeping me around.....i'll keep everyone posted smile
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Posted by P-Angel
We haven't even kissed...why keep me around?


Not sure, but, willing to wager he won't have a desire for you much longer ... Scorpios like people with some backbone.



any suggestions for me, p-angel?! smile thanks!
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Posted by candlz
Backbone...YES
Overbearing...NO


thanks candlz! definitely will NOT be overbearing smile no one wants that
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Posted by candlz
In my honest opinion, I would say he gave up. And I'll explain why I am saying that. From reading what you have said, it sounds like when he would 'warm up' to you, you backed off. When he backed off, you warmed up. Like couldbeme said, with a scorp, trust is a big thing. With you running hot and cold, you sent him mixed messages. He backed off. For example, when he asked you if you wanted to catch a movie and you just ignored him, how could he establish trust?? What would of been so wrong with letting him know that you were out of town?
You have to decide whether or not you want a relationship with him. If not, then forget him and move on. If you do, then you can't run hot and cold and expect to establish a loving, trusting relationship with a Scorp. And no I don't think you will hear from him, unless you do the calling. If you decide to do that, no more games.


This is so fucking hypocritical of Scorpios. They initiate this "pull away" bullshit with others who warm up to them, expect them to come closer even though they keep backing off (in order to prove their feelings to the Scorpios) - YET Scorpios won't accept another person playing these same kind of games with them!? Ummm, sorry, but NO. Fuck that.
BOTTOM LINE: If you want to build a foundation of trust in a relationship, you can't do distrustful things in order to have a person prove that they're trustworthy... Why would I bother proving I'm consistent/trustworthy to a person who isn't extending me the same consideration? That's a double standard. You want consistency? As you sow, so shall you reap.
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Posted by Weird~Fishes
Posted by candlz
In my honest opinion, I would say he gave up. And I'll explain why I am saying that. From reading what you have said, it sounds like when he would 'warm up' to you, you backed off. When he backed off, you warmed up. Like couldbeme said, with a scorp, trust is a big thing. With you running hot and cold, you sent him mixed messages. He backed off. For example, when he asked you if you wanted to catch a movie and you just ignored him, how could he establish trust?? What would of been so wrong with letting him know that you were out of town?
You have to decide whether or not you want a relationship with him. If not, then forget him and move on. If you do, then you can't run hot and cold and expect to establish a loving, trusting relationship with a Scorp. And no I don't think you will hear from him, unless you do the calling. If you decide to do that, no more games.


This is so fucking hypocritical of Scorpios. They initiate this "pull away" bullshit with others who warm up to them, expect them to come closer even though they keep backing off (in order to prove their feelings to the Scorpios) - YET Scorpios won't accept another person playing these same kind of games with them!? Ummm, sorry, but NO. Fuck that.
BOTTOM LINE: If you want to build a foundation of trust in a relationship, you can't do distrustful things in order to have a person prove that they're trustworthy... Why would I bother proving I'm consistent/trustworthy to a person who isn't extending me the same consideration? That's a double standard. You want consistency? As you sow, so shall you reap.
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In all honesty.
While I can understand the idea of observing people to determine trust (like every normal human being). I'd say playing any mindgames is a big turn-off.
MINDGAMES = Manipulative individual.
For that reason, I question this idea that scorpio play games with people by testing them. Yes, the stereotype is that scorpios are manipulative individuals, but screw that description. If that's the case, any scorpio intentionally doing so should not be in a relationship for the reasons you mentioned above.
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