What's with this contradiction?

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by heliumfiasco on Friday, June 7, 2013 and has 23 replies.
So, I'm confused and maybe you folks can help my Air/Earth self to better understand.
I sense a lot of contradicting statements about Scorpio behavior. In the same thread you will see Scorpios saying "If a Scorpio, wants you. There will be no confusion on that. They will stalk you down." Then a little bit later in the thread you will see Scorpios, confirming and everyone talking about how "It takes forever to get them settled, disappearing acts, having to "feel them out, tests that last forever, etc"..... So what is it exactly??? In it to win it, or observing for years? What am I missing here?
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We are walking, talking, breathing contradictions.
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So is it safe to say that if a Scorpio is still hanging around they are interested? As they don't seem like the people to "play" or is that inaccurate too? I'm lost.
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Very interesting. So I guess this would make it very hard to know if a Scorpio actually had interest in you or was just hanging around.... What a confusing situation. I see a lot of my Scorpio friends kind of behaving just as you described. Great description, btw.
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Where did it go?! I wanted to show my friend. Sad
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Posted by cheekyfaerie
It's been my experience that if they like you, they pursue you. That's after they've made up their mind though. That could take 5mins or 5mths.
I equate the disappearing acts with not that into you or their intentions being on the shady side. There's a difference between a complete vanishing act and a mental time out where contact is still maintained, however.


^ +1
This right here. It took me five minutes to decide that I wanted him and 3 months of "stalking" to get him. My stubbornness persisted through clingy exes, some painful conversations, and him telling me that he just felt platonically for me (hah! Just last night he told me that he was quite smitten).
So yes, outside of strictly a friendship situation, if a Scorpio is still hanging around then they are most likely interested. At least in my opinion.
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Posted by seraph
Posted by TheLadyScorpio
We are walking, talking, breathing contradictions.


and then . . .
Posted by TheLadyScorpio
The user who posted this message has hidden it.


Posted by TheLadyScorpio
The user who posted this message has hidden it.


Posted by TheLadyScorpio
The user who posted this message has hidden it.




Priceless. Winking
click to expand


There are some things money can't buy, for everything else, there's MasterCard Winking
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Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Posted by seraph
Posted by TheLadyScorpio
We are walking, talking, breathing contradictions.


and then . . .
Posted by TheLadyScorpio
The user who posted this message has hidden it.


Posted by TheLadyScorpio
The user who posted this message has hidden it.


Posted by TheLadyScorpio
The user who posted this message has hidden it.




Priceless. Winking


There are some things money can't buy, for everything else, there's MasterCard Winking
click to expand



I do love Scorpios!
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So, what i'm sensing is everyone dating Scorpios is shit out of luck if they want any answers. I've heard if you question it... it'll be set back even further? So I guess just kick back???
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Posted by seraph
Posted by heliumfiasco
So, what i'm sensing is everyone dating Scorpios is shit out of luck if they want any answers. I've heard if you question it... it'll be set back even further? So I guess just kick back???


If you want answers, give them space. Once you've asked or you've made your position known, don't prod any further. Don't do anything. They'll come around. It's all whirling and twirling inside their heads, getting processed and considered. Stuff like that takes time.
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Great advice. I did this before with a stellium Scorpio guy. I said straight out in a text after several months of flirting "So are we going to date or what?"... He replied "Ugh, shouldn't we speak about this face to face" he said he had "never considered it"
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Posted by seraph
Quoting is a bit off, so, helium,
It's just about giving the other person space. In fact, you'll find that when you're dealing with circumstances in which one party might need it, you'll find that *both* do.



I don't want space..haha I want to be consumed!!!!
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Posted by seraph
Posted by heliumfiasco
So, what i'm sensing is everyone dating Scorpios is shit out of luck if they want any answers. I've heard if you question it... it'll be set back even further? So I guess just kick back???


If you want answers, give them space. Once you've asked or you've made your position known, don't prod any further. Don't do anything. They'll come around. It's all whirling and twirling inside their heads, getting processed and considered. Stuff like that takes time.
click to expand


So then why everyone says that they know what they want and they are smart? WTF do they need so much time?
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Posted by heliumfiasco
So, I'm confused and maybe you folks can help my Air/Earth self to better understand.
I sense a lot of contradicting statements about Scorpio behavior. In the same thread you will see Scorpios saying "If a Scorpio, wants you. There will be no confusion on that. They will stalk you down." Then a little bit later in the thread you will see Scorpios, confirming and everyone talking about how "It takes forever to get them settled, disappearing acts, having to "feel them out, tests that last forever, etc"..... So what is it exactly??? In it to win it, or observing for years? What am I missing here?


^^^This isn't about contradictions, as it is about a sequence of events that occur within a Scorpio. For many *raise hand*, the way we come to the conclusion that you are a keeper and worth the effort will be to put you through "tests", which isn??t always a conscious effort. The tests are not always a series of activities that you ???do??, but simply things we notice as we get to know you. I am a person that likes to listen and watch how people flex. I watch absolutely everything you say and do, always making a mental note. How do you talk about your ex? Are you the type of person that discloses personal information that others have shared with you just because you??re pissed off? Are you judgemental? Open to other people??s POV? How are you with females when I am with you, etc.
Every Scorp has their own sets of ???tests?? that they use to determine if you can be trusted and welcomed into their private world. As you pass these ???test??, we become more attached because just possibly, you could be the one. As you share our world and we share yours and begin to ponder the possibility that you could be the one, we take time to reflect (aka pull away)*, make sense of our feelings about what this could mean to be with another person.
So, as stated before, when we are interested (after we have made up our mind and after some time has passed) you will know because the Scorp will be on your a** wanting to learn more about you, continuing to test to see how you fair and hoping to make you the one.
*disclaimer: sometimes we pull away because we just need alone time to recharge or got sh*t to do.Tongue
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Posted by heliumfiasco
So, what i'm sensing is everyone dating Scorpios is shit out of luck if they want any answers. I've heard if you question it... it'll be set back even further? So I guess just kick back???


This is hard to answer. What are you asking exactly? Out with it lover of Scorpios!
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@phoenixrising
Straight-up. I've been dating a heavy scorpio man for about a year.(so has my best friend, a different one of course) He has told me he loved me, he'd lay in traffic for me etc. Buys me gifts everytime he is out of town, etc.
Every time he says he doesn't want this, is after I get so frustrated I start asking him "WTH is going on???" He will usually come back with "I can't do this right now. Why don't you go find someone who will treat you how you want to be treated." Then two days later he acts like nothing happened.
I thought I needed to prove I wanted just him. Our entire circle of friends is mostly men. Truth be told, they all hit on me. One even asking his permission to date me if we weren't going to be exclusive. I figured this was a test for me to prove I only wanted him. he expressed great concern about that.I KNOW he pushed me away and was waiting to see if I would slip. I have basically stopped talking to all of our friends to avoid suspicion. He has a way of subtly getting me to do these things, without saying a word.
He's told me that I need to be taken down a few notches. That people don't say "no" to me enough. I need to act like more of a "lady". He's said that "i'm out of his league and for me to move on", many times. Then in another conversation tells me i'm trustworthy, loyal and that he thinks the world of me.
He has never disappeared on me. Although I have on him for 6 weeks. One of his friends told me he was talking to someone else. I sent him a message that said "You are not who I thought. Leave me alone." He asked me to explain, I never did. I immediately detached, COMPLETELY (so hard to do). He finally told me that he deeply missed me and wanted to see me. I met him face-to-face he denied it profusely and the cycle started over. (still not sure I believe him but whatever, we weren't exclusive) I told him i'd put up with his shit but not lies.
I'm worried I'm wasting my time. I don't mind waiting if the pay off is him. But if this is a game. I need to go. I'm exhausted. I'm contemplating moving to TX from Mass, in part because I WILL continue this.
I've posted about it extensively on Moon board and don't want to shove it down peoples throat. However, a friend of mine has started having similar issues. So, now it's more a strong curiosity about this sign in general, more than just personal. I love Scorpio placements, all of them.
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Posted by heliumfiasco

Every time he says he doesn't want this, is after I get so frustrated I start asking him "WTH is going on???" He will usually come back with "I can't do this right now. Why don't you go find someone who will treat you how you want to be treated." Then two days later he acts like nothing happened.


Okay, well it sounds to me like your Scorp doesn't want to be forced to make a decision about the two of you just yet, which is why you get this type of response. I have been known to just say "screw you and this situation" when a person has tried to force an answer out of me before I had the time to really think about it and make up my mind. We tend to move at our own pace when it comes to letting people in, which is not fair to the other person, but it is what it is. However, a year seems like a long time. I think something else is going on here...I think its in something you wrote below:
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Posted by heliumfiasco

He has never disappeared on me. Although I have on him for 6 weeks. One of his friends told me he was talking to someone else. I sent him a message that said "You are not who I thought. Leave me alone." He asked me to explain, I never did. I immediately detached, COMPLETELY (so hard to do). He finally told me that he deeply missed me and wanted to see me. I met him face-to-face he denied it profusely and the cycle started over. (still not sure I believe him but whatever, we weren't exclusive) I told him i'd put up with his shit but not lies.


I am not saying this is your only issue, but ^^^^this scream "problem" to me. First off, you running off without as much as a discussion or asking him if he was in fact cheating on you is not cool. I am not suggesting that you should stay with someone if you feel unsure about their faithfulness, but you didn't even take the time to talk to him about it. It shows a lack of respect. We want to know you're gonna work through sh*t with us, not just bail when you "hear" something. Wouldn't you want the same courtesy? You've already mentioned that his friends "all hit on you", so do you not think it's possible that his friend had an ulterior motive? It could have been true, but you didn't stick around to even find out and when he tried to explore it with you, your response is "leave me alone"? Not to mention that you even acknowledge that you were not exclusive. So what exactly are you pissing on about? It comes off as confusing and would lead me to question a few things about you.
It sounds to me like you had and still have expectations of this relationship, and he's not even apart of this "relationship" that your created. Meaning, you're not on the same page. You (based on what you have written) are trying to force him into submission AND THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN WITH A SCORPIO. He may accommodate some of your request, giving you the impression that these tactics are working, but this will only go so far.
Also, as a side note, the fact that your Scorp remains friends with people that are blatantly disrespecting him by hitting on you says a lot about him and/or how he feels about the relationship.
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One last thing:
Posted by heliumfiasco

I thought I needed to prove I wanted just him. Our entire circle of friends is mostly men. Truth be told, they all hit on me. One even asking his permission to date me if we weren't going to be exclusive. I figured this was a test for me to prove I only wanted him. he expressed great concern about that.I KNOW he pushed me away and was waiting to see if I would slip. I have basically stopped talking to all of our friends to avoid suspicion. He has a way of subtly getting me to do these things, without saying a word.
He's told me that I need to be taken down a few notches. That people don't say "no" to me enough. I need to act like more of a "lady".


This is a problem for me for a few reasons. First off, don't let anyone dictate to you who you can and cannot talk to. This will only set the stage for other areas in your life that he will feel he has the right to control. I think you can be assertive and firmly state that you are not interested in these other men without turning into a mute. There is absolutely nothing wrong with socializing with other men as long as they are not being disrespectful to you or disrespecting your relationship.
Second, your actions seem way too extreme, which (and this will sound weird) would make me uneasy. I will explain. Do you think it is realistic to go silent every time a man that is attracted to you tries to engage you just to prove your loyalty to a man? No, it isn't. So that says to me you are doing this more to prove something to him and not because you truly feel committed to him. I personally would feel much more comfortable with a man if he could firmly say, "I am not interested, I am with her" and if necessary, puts a woman in her place if she crosses the line vs just going silent. He should also be able to socialize freely without issue because everyone will know he is taken and I am confident in his ability to make it known. Silence says nothing other than I have a tight leash on this man--no thanks.
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con't
I shouldn't have to be around to make sure he will be faithful. Your statement: "He has a way of subtly getting me to do these things, without saying a word." just confirms what I am saying. You didn't know you should shut these men down, he "got you to do it". Deep down, we don't want partners like that. I know I'm not interested in a man like that.
As for the last part of the quoted section, be mindful of the things he says. I wouldn't take comments like that lightly.
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Posted by MellyMel909
@ Phoenix: I like the way you phrase things. I love the Scorpios here, but you are one o' me favs smile



Thank you! I enjoy reading your posts as well .
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You are on fire Pheonix, well done yet again fellow Stinger smile
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Very good advice, Some of it hard to hear but such is life. I do want to clarify two things though. I was never mad as though he was cheating on me, as it wasn't that sort of thing. I was mad that he was supposedly lying to me about this. I had asked him several times to let me know if he started dating other people and vice-versa. I would have been hurt obviously but not mad. I just felt deceived. There were some other things that lead up to the not speaking as well, for sake of sparing you a years worth of BS I kept it short smile However, that was the catastrophic point. I do 100% agree that I should have spoke to him. I'm very aware of that flaw. Truth be told, it wasn't the only time I vanished on him, just the longest. Always when I felt hurt and frustrated. Still not okay.
For the friend thing. I think I was a little dramatic in my OP. For the last year I maintained relationships with all our friends, even knowing how he felt. Still making it very obvious I wasn't interested. Some of them I was hanging out with too much and I knew had the tables been reversed I wouldn't have been happy. He never straight out said "don't do that" but seemed very uncomfortable and probing about the situation. I decided to really turn down my hangout time etc. I don't not speak to them entirely but I haven't hung out in months. It was a drastic change none the less....and I summed it up to them drinking too much and that is also part of the reason but to ease him as well.
I think the very sad truth of the matter is, you're right. I have possibly put him in a relationship in my mind. I guess him hanging out every week and saying sweet things is not him wanting to date me. I feel kind of shamed. I don't know. I've really lost my cool over this situation. I've always been in control of my feelings and really the men I date. I really wanted this and I think I kind of smothered and killed it with insecurity. I just don't understand why he'd drive an hour once or twice a week to see me and say things as though he has feelings for me, then also say cold things. I need to realize that's just how it goes sometimes.
From here, I guess I just back off and give as much space as possible. I know that he'll come around wondering where I am and trying to see me. I just don't know if I can do this anymore. He knows this and it's kind of a slap in the face. I feel exhausted, embarrassed and sad. We were going to hangout this week but maybe I should just say "I need some space".
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Did you ever have a honest and direct conversation about what you are doing and what you both want? I find too many time people start "hanging out" and lines get blurred without stopping to actually discuss where they are going and/or what they want to happen. They just assume, "we he/she seems attracted to me, we spend a lot of time together, we must be in a relationship". You can take space if you need it, but this is no different from what you did the other times before. You felt frustrated, sad, etc and ran off. I can't speak for him, but I know that is a person I would always hold at arms length. If that is what you're going to do every time you don't like what he's doing you'll never get anywhere with him and you might as well just leave him alone.
I think you may make more progress if you talk to him before you make the final decision. Let him know honestly what it is you want this to be, allow him to share what he wants as well and be willing to accept whatever he says. If it isn't what you hope, then by all means "take space", but at least he will know and understand why.
Good luck!
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