why can my wife (scorpio) and I (cancer) have deep

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by seacrab1 on Tuesday, July 28, 2015 and has 38 replies.
meaningful conversations. Its like she is holding something back, and sometimes rather watch a show on tv than talk to me. I know she likes to talk because wants she will talk to me but usually about something that happened at work. I am finw with that but I also want to know what you think about me, what you want, how you are feeling and I don't mean if you're tiered I want to tell me if you're not depressed or something.
I'm Libra, have a Scorpio Moon and many more Scorpio placements. Have dated 2 Cancer guys, I found them to be insensitive and lacking my emotional depth to fully understand me. I always held back from telling them anything private.

How do you express your sensativity and emotional depth to her?
@seacrab1.... "what you want, how are you feeling, tell me you're not depressed." After re-reading this, seems like communication breakdown. Question is, when did this happen and why?
Hi Sophia, I just let it flow I tell what i'm thinking what I am going through personally so she can understand me better. I tell what I like what I don't like. The things i want to do and want to go but its like talking just for the sake of it sometimes because she doesn't say anything. Sometimes I think well maybe she is too busy to talk right now but then she comes home and instead of talking she turns on the tv and forget trying to talk to her while she is watching a show she will just completely ignore you. I heard that scorpio has emotional depth, so does cancer. If you tell something serious I'm not going to laugh or be dismissive and try my best to be supportI've and see how we can handle it best if its something that needs atention.
Posted by Impulsv
Do you even know what topics strike her passion

Probably not because from the beginning there has never been a subjec that she is passionate about. Its like she just goes with whatever happens. If I don't tell or ask het I want to do something then we won't.
Issue 1: expressing yourself means action. Scorpio needs to SEE, feel, touch, experience what you want. This will bring reassurance to her; making her comfortable to speak with you. Simply "telling" her may not work, you have to find a way to show her.
Posted by SophiaEva
@seacrab1.... "what you want, how are you feeling, tell me you're not depressed." After re-reading this, seems like communication breakdown. Question is, when did this happen and why?

I guess it is. Its pretty much been like that since the beginning. I even would try to get her mad sometimes because i felt she just didn't care or didn't want to express any feelings.
Posted by seacrab1
Posted by Impulsv
Do you even know what topics strike her passion

Probably not because from the beginning there has never been a subjec that she is passionate about. Its like she just goes with whatever happens. If I don't tell or ask het I want to do something then we won't.
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Begginning of your marriage?
Posted by FrostAndBite
Have y'all been having marital difficulties for a while? Maybe a long standing issue or two?

The only thing the drives me to zone out and avoid connecting with my partner is when I feel there is an insurmountable issue. Something that we have tried to talk over for a long long time yet reached no resolution or even gained ground. Sometimes you just get tired of trying to address something.

I also have a cancer moon though and a gem Mars, so I'm way chattier than the average scorbeario. A Scorpio with a less chatty chart might find it difficult to connect, say a Virgo moon or Aqua Mars, until they first evaluate everything themselves. A lot of scorps tend to prefer finding resolution in themselves before airing it to others.

I guess but it all stems from the same reasons I am complaining about. I have even told her she is cold blooded and she says she doesn't like it when I say that vut its like there are no feelings there sometimes. The weird thing is that I know she loves me.
It's difficult to know one's passion if/when they kind of mention it in passing, but never really talk about it in depth enough to know that they get excited about/are passionate about those things. For instance, my boyfriend pretty much gets excited about chicken. I mean, that's cool and all, but other than suggesting that we go out to eat at one of his favorite places that serves chicken, what else does one do with that?

I get what the OP is saying, because no Scorp that I've dated expressed passion about certain topics, etc in a way where you just...get it. I mean, they know how to say, "Thank you for your support regarding this that or the other." But they never really TOLD me what fueled them other than spiritual matters...which I discuss quite often. Then there's this thing where they tell you that they like something, you do something about it, but they don't initiate follow through. I've watched the limited excitement my guy showed in regards to certain cars, so I went online and bought us tickets to the car museum last weekend. He hasn't mentioned us going yet. It takes two. I bought comedy tickets and put them in HIS name so that he would know that I'm not trying to control/dominate his time or activities by being the one who purchased...basically shit for us to do.

I love Scorps, but you guys aren't easy to handle or walk side by side with...not at all.
@seacrab1, something happened at the Begginning of your marriage to cause this. Do you know what it is?
Cancerian male = emotionally manipulative.

You telling her she's cold blooded is because you wanted to provoke a reaction from her as its what you thrive on but all it does is make her distance herself away from you even more.

One of your first posts on this thread said you wanted her to talk to you, for her to tell you what she's thinking and feeling and how she feels about you. Something like that anyway.

God, that's so draining. It sounds all about you though. Typical.

That's just my take on it and derived from my experiences with Cancerian males. It might not be right.
Are you one of those talkin' guys who likes to blather on about feelings all day?
Posted by SophiaEva
Posted by seacrab1
Posted by Impulsv
Do you even know what topics strike her passion

Probably not because from the beginning there has never been a subjec that she is passionate about. Its like she just goes with whatever happens. If I don't tell or ask het I want to do something then we won't.

Begginning of your marriage?
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from the beginning of our relationship.
Posted by MsTeeq1974
It's difficult to know one's passion if/when they kind of mention it in passing, but never really talk about it in depth enough to know that they get excited about/are passionate about those things. For instance, my boyfriend pretty much gets excited about chicken. I mean, that's cool and all, but other than suggesting that we go out to eat at one of his favorite places that serves chicken, what else does one do with that?

I get what the OP is saying, because no Scorp that I've dated expressed passion about certain topics, etc in a way where you just...get it. I mean, they know how to say, "Thank you for your support regarding this that or the other." But they never really TOLD me what fueled them other than spiritual matters...which I discuss quite often. Then there's this thing where they tell you that they like something, you do something about it, but they don't initiate follow through. I've watched the limited excitement my guy showed in regards to certain cars, so I went online and bought us tickets to the car museum last weekend. He hasn't mentioned us going yet. It takes two. I bought comedy tickets and put them in HIS name so that he would know that I'm not trying to control/dominate his time or activities by being the one who purchased...basically shit for us to do.

I love Scorps, but you guys aren't easy to handle or walk side by side with...not at all.

yes smile
Posted by Impulsv
Ugh frankly it's not A good sign. Seems she never really connected from the start. Like you said just went through the motions of getting married. How old are you guys

yeah maybe Sad i'm 37 she is 4 years younger.
Posted by SophiaEva
@seacrab1, something happened at the Begginning of your marriage to cause this. Do you know what it is?

not sure I guess I just expect more emotional reactions from her. She does act loving and even smothers me with kisses when she feels like it. I guess what I'm asking from her is a stronger or more passionate opinions on things. Especially things for example I askef a while back I think I want to move to another state what do you think. She told me okay I guess if you want to I guess I wouldn't mind? I send her posts with links of places that would be nice to move too and she doesn't respond. Does she just want me to make all the decisions? Because I can but it wouldn't feel right I want for both to agree so there will be no problem in the future or her saying you wanted to move and blames it all on me if something goes wrong.
Posted by Impulsv
OK if you feel she loves you. She might just be bored with life in general. If it's routine come home watch TV go to sleep wake up go to work.

Ask her what kind of life she envisioned whether thmarried or not? If there was nothing holding her back what is that life like.

ok I will try to ask her that thanks.
Posted by FrostAndBite
Posted by seacrab1
Posted by FrostAndBite
Have y'all been having marital difficulties for a while? Maybe a long standing issue or two?

The only thing the drives me to zone out and avoid connecting with my partner is when I feel there is an insurmountable issue. Something that we have tried to talk over for a long long time yet reached no resolution or even gained ground. Sometimes you just get tired of trying to address something.

I also have a cancer moon though and a gem Mars, so I'm way chattier than the average scorbeario. A Scorpio with a less chatty chart might find it difficult to connect, say a Virgo moon or Aqua Mars, until they first evaluate everything themselves. A lot of scorps tend to prefer finding resolution in themselves before airing it to others.

I guess but it all stems from the same reasons I am complaining about. I have even told her she is cold blooded and she says she doesn't like it when I say that vut its like there are no feelings there sometimes. The weird thing is that I know she loves me.

That's an absolutely terrible thing to tell someone, just so you know.

I mean I understand the compulsion. It's a water sign trait. If you feel like you're getting nothing on the emotional register, you'll take any reaction, even negative one, because you feel like if they're upset at least it means they care. And maybe that's true. But how beneficial is it to verbally or emotionally wound your partner in order to get what you need from them? Continuing down that way is a recipe for letting communication fall into even worse patterns. It's a counterproductive move.

Just because someone can't vocalize their feelings very well or not at all does not mean they aren't there. Obviously you must realize this on some level snce you say you know she loves you.
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yes I know it's not right I might have been immature in my part but did not know any other way to know if she was serious about us. I don't like to be guessing since I don't leave you guessing or hanging well at least i try not to.
Posted by inmercury
Everyone's passionate about something. If it seems to you that there is no subject she's passionate about, it's only because she's hiding it from you. Usually it's because the person doesn't trust you enough to open up about it. Maybe you're being too dominant so she doesn't care to share her true self with you.

maybe
Posted by Infinite8
Posted by seacrab1
meaningful conversations. Its like she is holding something back, and sometimes rather watch a show on tv than talk to me. I know she likes to talk because wants she will talk to me but usually about something that happened at work. I am finw with that but I also want to know what you think about me, what you want, how you are feeling and I don't mean if you're tiered I want to tell me if you're not depressed or something.

Hey Seacrab,

I am a female Scorp married to a male Crab and in a way ha. The opposite problem. What is your and your wife's venus & merc?

I have a libra venus and am very chatty love to talk about everything. But my husband has a venus in cancer so at first he would just listen and agree. He also had a Leo merc so now that he talks he likes to talk about projects, future goals and plans, fun things and get together but has/ HAD a harder time talking about deeper stuff. My merc is in Scorp ... I dig, lol!

Anyway... It took me a few years to get him to open up and it all started with ME opening up first.

Have you tried opening up to your wife first? Give her everything you would actually like to receive from her. Let her see your depth and your capability of handling it.

Sometimes Scorps close up and completely shut the door when they see no hope. Do you think that perhaps she tried in the beginning and something happened for her to guy down? Her behavior sounds like she is depressed and closing the door on YOU.

My husband is not a TV person. It wasn't like that with us. It was just that he didn't KNOW what he was feeling! It was like he had to learn how to recognize negative emotions and learn about where they came from / the root of it all. It was a challenge but nice to finally see it's fruition! Don't give up smile
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Iam not sure about the other planets in her chart, sorry to ignorant about it but I haven't done any research on that. I have told her one a couple of things that I have never told anyone else ever not my sister, mother, father, or best friend nobody. And a very personal that I hope she never tell anyone else so I don't know if that counts. I always try to tell if something is bothering me or if I feel depressed or what
Posted by Infinite8
Posted by seacrab1
Posted by SophiaEva
@seacrab1.... "what you want, how are you feeling, tell me you're not depressed." After re-reading this, seems like communication breakdown. Question is, when did this happen and why?

I guess it is. Its pretty much been like that since the beginning. I even would try to get her mad sometimes because i felt she just didn't care or didn't want to express any feelings.

Oh wow... She has ALWAYS been this way? Maybe she had some trauma of some kind and fears expressing herself. She sounds COMPLETELY disconnected. That is not good for her. She might be depressed. Have you two tried counseling?

It's not normal for a Scorp to be THAT quiet. We LOVE to connect with our loved ones and we have such an intense inner being that we need to verbally and/or physically release DAILY!!! Her not expressing anything - she is numb! Scorps are not numb unless depressed.
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yez I think she is depressed.
Posted by AgentP911
Cancerian male = emotionally manipulative.

You telling her she's cold blooded is because you wanted to provoke a reaction from her as its what you thrive on but all it does is make her distance herself away from you even more.

One of your first posts on this thread said you wanted her to talk to you, for her to tell you what she's thinking and feeling and how she feels about you. Something like that anyway.

God, that's so draining. It sounds all about you though. Typical.

That's just my take on it and derived from my experiences with Cancerian males. It might not be right.

yes I sounds like its just about me and it probably is but I think that if she would express better it would benefit both of us.
Posted by LunarMaiden
Are you one of those talkin' guys who likes to blather on about feelings all day?


hahaha I don't think so u just like to have meaningful conversation. I could be abiut anything i don't care bu I am willing to listen. I guess I have some gemini in me somewhere.
Posted by Impulsv
Seacrab I think u have to spice it up . Not sexually but in life. Take her dancing, take her to an adventure, hike a waterfall.

It doesn't mean she doesn't love u but she seems lost in life. It might feel like " is that all there is. "
She might night know how to take initiative of her own life n is waiting for u to lead.
It should not be ur burden but she hasn't learned that for her self.



ok thank you for the advice I will try that.
In my defense i read somewhere that scorpio women like to have you hanging on a string until you get fed up and are about cut it then they will give you what you want so I might be wrong feeling this way and it also seems like I am not the only one on this forum with a similar problem.
Posted by Impulsv
If ur married thinking ur partner is out to get u
U are part of the problem.
marriage u should know ur team players n if ur partner hurt u
U believe that first intention was not to hurt u purposly . U give them the benefit of the doubt. Because most likely than not we hurt our love one unintentionally because no one is perfect. I'm sure u have hurt her n I'm not sure if her first jump to conclusion is that ur an evil manipulator crab.
Sorry I'm pissed but common sense is drastically failing on people.

Posted by seacrab1
Posted by Impulsv
If ur married thinking ur partner is out to get u
U are part of the problem.
marriage u should know ur team players n if ur partner hurt u
U believe that first intention was not to hurt u purposly . U give them the benefit of the doubt. Because most likely than not we hurt our love one unintentionally because no one is perfect. I'm sure u have hurt her n I'm not sure if her first jump to conclusion is that ur an evil manipulator crab.
Sorry I'm pissed but common sense is drastically failing on people.


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woops double post I know she is not out to get me I have never said that it's just confusing. I know I am not perfect I have many flaws but I try to work on them. I don't want to judge I just want to understand that way I know what I have to do to live in a happy home that is what most crabs want they want a happy home and if someone isn't happy then why not speak up instead of being dismissive?
you need to be more spontaneous. it sound like your married life is routine and very boring. there is nothing to be passionate about so there is nothing

worth talking about. she's not cold blooded. you're just boring. how about going out of the norm and doing something exciting instead of waiting for her to

open up? she's probably being quiet and not telling you how she really feels because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. i would hate to be in a

relationship like that. i would be looking for a divorce soon.
i had a crab friend. keyword had. they say crabs are the home body type. just happy being at home. god, whoever said that was not lying. nearly every

day, they would want me to come over and sit in their home all day with them. they would be upset when i refused. i had to tell that crab - 'no one wants

to sit in the house all way and watch tv. i have my own house to do that in. i can be bored by myself. you never do anything, so im not hanging out with

you anymore.' it took that to get the crab off its ass to finally start getting out and about. crabs mom actually thanked me. 'before you came

around, all crab would do is sit around the house doing nothing.' as a scorpio i like to get out and do different things. my aqua rising likes mental

stimulation. i get fed up easily at routine. what made me end the friendship was i always had to come up with all the ideas and plan what to do and

where to go while crab was just clueless. i shouldn't be the only one showing initiative. conversation was boring, and being the event planner got

boring. i started hanging out with my other friends who were more spontaneous. crab can go bore its own self to death.
Posted by seacrab1
meaningful conversations. Its like she is holding something back, and sometimes rather watch a show on tv than talk to me. I know she likes to talk because wants she will talk to me but usually about something that happened at work. I am finw with that but I also want to know what you think about me, what you want, how you are feeling and I don't mean if you're tiered I want to tell me if you're not depressed or something.

I feel kinda the same with my scorpio boyfriend. I'm an aqua. However, when we are together he is very affectionate and have so many jokes. It's fun...we laugh, play fight and are intimate but we haven't really had a serious conversation in a while..especially about us. I want to feel more of a deep connection like how it used to be. Maybe in his eyes he does feel it and I could be over analysing. The only way I'm gonna find out is if I ask!
Posted by thinktoomuch
How long have you been married for?? What is she like with other people?


When I dated a cancer man (I am a scorpio-sag cusp woman), I didn´t open up as much, because I felt like, he didn´t really want to hear it. Even though he said, that he wanted me to be more open with him and he wanted to get to know me, I felt like, when I said something, he thought it was stupid or didn´t really care.....

Maybe our mindsets were just too far off from each other to feel understanding and care about the same things?!

Ofcours this cancer also just dated me for 9 months and never made us official, so that also made me feel like, he didn´t want an emotional connection and really get to know me...

know her for 7 married for 4. You might be right. Thanks.
Posted by jellybaby
Posted by seacrab1
meaningful conversations. Its like she is holding something back, and sometimes rather watch a show on tv than talk to me. I know she likes to talk because wants she will talk to me but usually about something that happened at work. I am finw with that but I also want to know what you think about me, what you want, how you are feeling and I don't mean if you're tiered I want to tell me if you're not depressed or something.

I feel kinda the same with my scorpio boyfriend. I'm an aqua. However, when we are together he is very affectionate and have so many jokes. It's fun...we laugh, play fight and are intimate but we haven't really had a serious conversation in a while..especially about us. I want to feel more of a deep connection like how it used to be. Maybe in his eyes he does feel it and I could be over analysing. The only way I'm gonna find out is if I ask!
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yes I agree.
Posted by FrostAndBite
Have y'all been having marital difficulties for a while? Maybe a long standing issue or two?

The only thing the drives me to zone out and avoid connecting with my partner is when I feel there is an insurmountable issue. Something that we have tried to talk over for a long long time yet reached no resolution or even gained ground. Sometimes you just get tired of trying to address something.

I also have a cancer moon though and a gem Mars, so I'm way chattier than the average scorbeario. A Scorpio with a less chatty chart might find it difficult to connect, say a Virgo moon or Aqua Mars, until they first evaluate everything themselves. A lot of scorps tend to prefer finding resolution in themselves before airing it to others.

THIS; my Scorpio ex had a Virgo moon and Libra mars. He barely ever wanted to discuss anything with me and hated conflict; I'm a Libra moon so I get the need to keep things on an even, pleasant keel. But fuck, having a Leeb moon rather than a Leeb mars is different, especially with a Gem Mars. They both make me want to communicate how I feel constantly.

And Scorpios do like to figure it out themselves first, considering they're fixed. Adding that Virgo moon with a passive mars, and wow can it be difficult lol but it doesn't mean it's not worth trying. And Cancer moon makes you chatty? Hmm, my Cancer sun, Cancer moon ex was sealed tight lol revealed nothing.
Posted by FrostAndBite
Posted by seacrab1
In my defense i read somewhere that scorpio women like to have you hanging on a string until you get fed up and are about cut it then they will give you what you want so I might be wrong feeling this way and it also seems like I am not the only one on this forum with a similar problem.

I should hope that after knowing her seven years and being married for four you put more stock in hIer than in what you read on the Internet.

Honestly, the way you present it, you marriage sounds mutually disconnected. I'd bet money if she were here she's probably say there is something you don't know how to communicate to her about.

Counseling might be more productive than looking to astrology for theories why she can't meet your needs.
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I don't believe everything i read on the internet but if it makes sense to me then I take as serious. If I didn't then I wouldn't be on here asking for an opinion.
Posted by FrostAndBite
Posted by seacrab1
In my defense i read somewhere that scorpio women like to have you hanging on a string until you get fed up and are about cut it then they will give you what you want so I might be wrong feeling this way and it also seems like I am not the only one on this forum with a similar problem.

I should hope that after knowing her seven years and being married for four you put more stock in her than in what you read on the Internet.

Honestly, the way you present it, you marriage sounds mutually disconnected. I'd bet money if she were here she's probably say there is something you don't know how to communicate to her about.

Counseling might be more productive than looking to astrology for theories why she can't meet your needs.
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I know well enough. I don't know if I offended you but I am here because i actually believe that most astrology gets it right. Why are you here?
Posted by FrostAndBite
Hun I'm not offended. It's not my marriage lol. I'm probably one of the nicer and more sincere Scorpio women on the board when it comes to advice. Take a poll or stay a little while and you'll find that to be fairly true.

I was just pointing out that you are withdrawing as well. It takes two to fall into disarray. Especially with two water sun signs. God forbid either or both of yall also have water moons, y'all might be functioning in a house of mirrors lol. It's so easy for two water signs to disconnect because both parties focus on protecting themselves rather than the bond if there's a whiff of emotional disconnect.

if you say so sweetie.
Posted by thinktoomuch
Posted by seacrab1
Posted by thinktoomuch
How long have you been married for?? What is she like with other people?


When I dated a cancer man (I am a scorpio-sag cusp woman), I didn´t open up as much, because I felt like, he didn´t really want to hear it. Even though he said, that he wanted me to be more open with him and he wanted to get to know me, I felt like, when I said something, he thought it was stupid or didn´t really care.....

Maybe our mindsets were just too far off from each other to feel understanding and care about the same things?!

Ofcours this cancer also just dated me for 9 months and never made us official, so that also made me feel like, he didn´t want an emotional connection and really get to know me...

know her for 7 married for 4. You might be right. Thanks.

But how is she with other people?
Seems like she can´t really be herself around you, if she is very different around you and don´t talk.....

can´t you talk to her about this? In a more non passive-aggressive way than telling her she is coldhearted? That´s kinda like telling someone "you´re angry", even if they are not, they most certainly will be from hearing that statement.
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I told her that to get a reaction, hopefully one where she would question why I would say that but she didn't. I know she is not cold hearted I know she has lots of love for me but sometimes i don't know why is it that I always have to ignite it, I mean I like to think that she has a wild side. its funny sometimes because it seems like she is always ready to start a fight or an argument but that's about the only fire I get from her after I extinguish it.