Why is love so hard? - PART 2

WHY THE FFFFFFFFFF is this thread so long?!!!

Grow a brain & figure out that life is hard! THEN, once you get that, then deal with it & make it the best life you can, or best love, best fuc1

Good point, fellow Taurean. 🙂

Like I mentioned, I love hypocracy.

Oh scream for attention again...yep moving on...

Me too...aren't we just soooo fkn great!...

Dunno whats gotten into me today...feel like skipping..

The hills are alive with the sound of musicccccccccccccccc

NEWSFLASH: Love isn't hard at all.....its just that most people are generally guilty of one or more of the following:

1) Ignoring reality and trying to force relationships that should have never been with people that they are attracted to but not compatible with.

2) Dysfunctional people bringing their frustrating and sabotaging dysfunction adn bad childhood into their relationships

3) Don't really want a relationship (or not ready for it) but refuse to be up front with relationship-oriented people about this because they like the attention.

4) Take who they have for granted feeling that there is something that they are missing when all of the people that they are lusting after and dreaming about are just as fucked up as the person they are already with.

Ta-da!!! The problem isn't love at all....its sick, stupid, and damaged people...

The Cancer Gods have spoken...

cancer you said a mouthful then...i think i am guilty of #3

can anyone say they are guilty of these things? if so...which one

I'm definitley guilty of #1..

"Damn, I have to agree with CancerLa. She just dropped a reality check on everyon."

lol....CancerLA is a "he".

I'm intrigued by this concept...please elaborate on what markers lead you to one conclusion or another based on writing style .

Although it is pretty well known that cancers carry more than our fair share of feminine energy.....despite my being 6'0 195lbs , bald, very muscular, and tendency to come across as physically intimidating lol...

guilty of # 1

thinking of # 2 a lot lately...i used to have impatience for people always blaming their childhood, thinking that was a cowardly way of accepting responsibility for their own actions. but now...wondering if childhood really does have an impact on one's decision making process, leading to action(s) that other people may view as 'dysfunctional'

"In high school, I had a teacher who never allowed us to put our names on the written assignments we handed in. He would then guess the gender of the writer when he handed them back to us after grading them. He was usually 95% on the money. Interesting."

That's because most guys are not as expressive---not to mention the tiny and illegible handwriting....and I"m neither....so he probably would have gotten me wrong as well...at least until he got used to my writing style ...when you know someone and they write well, you can almost hear their voice when you read what they've written

"for real, maybe its the unassuming, non confrontational style you use" -GreatBull

lol...I thought that was just a cancer thing...but maybe that's where the feminine energy comes in.

hmmmm...."unassuming, non confrontational style "....I like the ring of that....never thought about my writing style much one way or another its just how I express. Its the same way that I talk...especially when trying to resolve conflict....unless I'm really pissed or fed up (the long fuse has been warn).....then there's NO QUESTION as to what gender you're dealing with lol....

"wondering if childhood really does have an impact on one's decision making process, leading to action(s) that other people may view as 'dysfunctional'" = scorp5pt0

oh most definitely...the tell tale sign is how people react to things automatically---what's normal to them...MAJOR childhood indicators.......I have personally vowed to avoid dating people from dysfucntional backgrounds for life unless they have had MAJOR personal development work done and i can see a CONSISTENT PATTERN of healthy relationships as a result. Never again will I allow myself to be guinea pig therapy in a relationship for a screwed up individual.

cancerla...you have a sexy description of yourself

"about being expressive, true, i dont see the reason to put a thought in more than two sentences." - Greatbull

yeah I think this is the main thing that tends to make me different.I tend to be very expressive and verbose.....I try to cover all bases from all angles with all considerations.

"cancerla...you have a sexy description of yourself" dward

....yes I"ve been described as that. Don't put much emphasis on that aspect of myself though....just thought of the irony of how my writing came across versus how I look in person. I thought it to be slightly hilarious....

okay what is the one solution to break through all these barriers of finding true love?

lol...now see to mee Greatbull "verbose" sounds intelligent while "chatty" sounds more girly...unless its used to speak of someone in caricature..(oops did I just do it AGAIN——??) lol

one knows the problem...never the solution

you wanna know how to break through it all dward? Well its only fair that I take an expressive, verbose stab at it lol..... Lets see:

1) Ignoring reality and trying to force relationships that should have never been with people that they are attracted to but not compatible with.

I'd say date people for several months before you commit. Spend plenty of time with them and watch how they respond to negative situations. The hardest part is to NOT MAKE ANY EXCUSES for any behavior you see them exhibiting. It is these excuses that delude us into thinking "oh what the hay, this relationship is worth a try"....then 21 months later we are breaking up with them completely EXHAUSTED AND HURT over the same behaviors we made excuses for or ignored in the beginning.


2) Dysfunctional people bringing their frustrating and sabotaging dysfunction adn bad childhood into their relationships

This is the toughest of all. I don't know how to tell dysfunctional people to end their craziness other than to suggest lots of therapy but I DO know how to help everyone else avoid these loons! When I first meet someone i'm really intersted in, I try to get as much information about two KEY areas as possible:

A) Their childhood and relationships with immediate family members
B) Their past relationships

For A)childhood, I look out for things like:

- not feeling loved
- abandonment issues
- a family that argued and fought a lot
- a family that never touched or said "I love you"
- a family that lies to itself about how screwed up they are
- a pattern of broken and estranged relationships
- bad relationships with parents

I have found these to be the biggest indicators of dysfunction. I don't judge the person right away because they may have worked through these things although its NOT LIKELY. I look for signs of these stimuli to show up and manifest.....then I decide whether or not I can deal with these manifestations for life....and I'm realistic with myself about the fact that they m ay NEVER change.

For B)past relationships....no matter what ANY body tells you about their past

3) Don't really want a relationship (or not ready for it) but refuse to be up front with relationship-oriented people about this because they like the attention.


4) Take who they have for granted feeling that there is something that they are missing when all of the people that they are lusting after and dreaming about are just as ed up as the person they are already with.

con'td (ran out of characters......verbose!)

For B)past relationships....no matter what ANY body tells you about their past relationships, which will usually go something like (I'm just a nice person who hates drama and wants to be happy. Everyone I've ever dated was crazy so I dumped them to save myself from their craziness). Of course this is a self-serving lie that we have all told our own versions of.

The good news is that regardless of how they skew things...you can ALWAYS see a pattern that will tell you a LOT about who you are really dealing with. Being an observant and intuitive cancer I tend to be good at this. For instance....if you find that someone has walked out on their past 2 or 3 relationships with people who they were living with....that shows you that this is a person who walks out when they become overwhelmed. Could you live with that— If every person they've dated has cheated on them...hmmm........WHY is that? Maybe the person is frigid. Could you live with that? And so on...the only constant in the equation is the person....so ANY major themes or similaries across multiple relationships will say more about THEM than the other person....not realizing this, most people will gladly babble on and on and tell you EVERYTHING you need to know.....

(con'td pt. 2)

3) Don't really want a relationship (or not ready for it) but refuse to be up front with relationship-oriented people about this because they like the attention.

Once again this is an issue of either self-delusion or flat out dishonesty....can't help any body with this one....also can't help anyone avoid these types. I'd just say don't give your heart too quickly. Take it slow and usually if someone doesn't really want to be around they'll get freaked and run along before you've invested too much.


4) Take who they have for granted feeling that there is something that they are missing when all of the people that they are lusting after and dreaming about are just as screwed up as the person they are already with.

The only way around this is realizing that the above is true. Once you have that, you will be much more willing to work things out and much less likely to jump ship just because you perceive that the grass is greener on the other side. Its usually just greener in certain spots........its also more brown in areas th at you are used to being green with your current person. I'd say to just be aware of what areas are most important to you (MUST HAVEs) and do your best to stick with the person or people who do a great job of delivering on those most important items.

number 3 is definitely me...i think i want a relationship but when the opportunity permits...i run..and fast. No calling..just disappearing. Cant seem to grasp why.

"wow, no need to passively insult me, man.
just trying to help" - GreatBull

oh no man please don't get that impression it wasn't an insult at all...I was just discussing my thoughts on the connotations of those words. If insult was taken I truly apologize!

#1 and #4 - guilty.

"dont ppl choose the same type of ppl with traits that might match another person from their past? if so, then they set themselve up for failure, cuz as i see it, if this person wasnt right, why would another person who seems to act similar to your ex be any different?"

lol...so brilliant yet so simple GreatBull...I wonder why people just don't get it? I know for me when one person doesn't work out I want someone completely different. Although I may still look for the same GOOD qualities of the one that did not work out.

"LA, now you're sounding like your gender."

excellent..I hate misunderstandings! LOL

"yeah but that contradicts, there is no way a person good qualities dont come with a shadow, and that shadow might be the same bad qualities of the one that did not work out."

all good qualities come with shadow yes but not necessarily the same shadow.....take two attractive, intelligent people........but one is loving and old is cold. You didn't work out with the cold one b/c you can't stand that.......now you're happy with the loving now. Now they have shade as well, but they're shade is that they aren't tidy....but what if this isn't a must have? No problem! You pay $ 50 twice per month for a cleaning service and viola.

Everyone has their downsides but for each of us certain downsides are more bearable than others........then some are just down right deal breakers.

i have a friend like that...shes very heavy so she meets a lot of guys online or on the phone...she tells them shes big bone...or she looks like a big bone beyonce'...very misleading.

lol...great question....problem is both are subjective concepts...difficult one!

a lie dont care who tells it...i think a real friend or lover will tell me the truth...no matter how it hurts. I can appreciate them for that.

another thing i noticed is ppl lie about themselves to themselves and others.

I think my drawback is that I'm TOO honest and straightforward. I'm very opinionated outside of DXP as well. If you're going to like me for me, I gotta be me.

hp thats actually a very good quality.....

but you're out when im down and need a friend, fuck you.
if its like that, i'd rather be alone.

I bet every Bull will agree with you on that!

maybe even every Earth sign...nah, just Bulls.

Be a friend when i need you the most

do you guys think the longer you are single...the harder it is to commit?

depends on how jaded you've become.

We work better with prods.

now thats just nasty

i'm hungry now.

What are yall some type of pervertive freaks....why a bloody hand. LOL

its always intersting to watch a meaty discussion go way off topic....enter one liners and absurd pictures