Why is this scorpio so afraid of love?
This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by Iridessaries on Tuesday, January 10, 2017 and has 83 replies.
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I met my scorpio bf over a year ago, we had this AMAZING connection, like twin flames. He told me about his insecurities and how people had severly hurt him in the past, that It's hard for him to trust anyone. Knowing this up front and because I myself only get involved with someone for the long haul and bc I really felt he was the one, I would sure make him feel secure.
I would always tell him where I was, what I was doing etc... He had access to my fb and Phone whenever he had questions, I had nothing to hide. Everyday I told and showed him I love him. We spent most of our days and nights together. But the minute I was on my own he would question things. Not only question, he was convinced of his own mind and wouldn't waver. Followed by disappearing for one or 2 days, only to come back apologizing. I would tell he can't treat people like that, that I understood his fears but reassured him I was devoted to him and that I wouldn't lie or hurt him. And I never did, I didnt even tell a white lie bc I knew how important honesty was to him.
As time went by he became more and more paranoid. He ignored me for 2 days bc I went to the store while he thought I was home. I went to the store...smdh. that's just one exempel, I could give 50. No matter his insecurities I never changed and kept doing what I do. Telling him I loved him, being there and supporting him in what he did, hobbies. I spent every free moment I had with him and his kids. But the questionning remained. The ignoring and disappearing acts went from one day up to a week. As an Aries I would panic the first day, but after that first day I'd just leave him be. He knew How I felt but always said I was the love of his life and that he wouldn't leave me ever.
Although we talked about his fears and falsely accusing, he said he believed me and trusted me, but I feel like he never really did. I do believe he wanted to, but he was always looking for that sign that said: you'll hurt me too. Exhausting to say the least. But I really love him to the core so I never gave up and kept showing him he was everything to me.
A month ago we were having a fun day, just the two of us, dancing and drinking at his house. I received a message from a Friend asking me if I still went on my daily nature walks and if he could come with sometime. Before answering I told my bf I got this message and boom, he freaked out. We were drunk yes but nothing mean was said. I tried talking, he wanted to be alone. Which would have been fine, but I was drunk and couldnt just leave and drive home. So I just stayed quiet on the couch playing with his dog and trying not to trigger him more.
He would be calm and then again said I needed to leave. I told him I would but I couldnt for now. He got mad and said he'd call the police if I didnt leave that seconde... wtf! So yeah, this Aries didnt take that threat lightly. I didnt throw a tantrum, just got my stuff and called a taxi. It cost me 80 $ to get home too.
Two days later he texted me to come over and talk. Every single thing he ever questionned came back and he still believed them to be true, I had no idea!! Then he said I always started drama and that he needed time. The Aries in me wanted to object but it would have backfired, so once again I told him I loved him and that I wasnt who he made me in his head.
We spoke on the phone almost daily and were supposed to meet this Sunday. On Friday we had a talk, a nice talk too, at one point I did mention that when he ignored me I asked myself who or what I was to him. He hung up and didnt show up Sunday. Just a text saying he wouldn't come and then he blocked me.
I lost my cool for 4 minutes I must admit. I left a voicemail saying he was a coward. That must of hurt, but c'mon.
So now, I'm just wondering where to go from here. Our connection is still so strong, I feel his presence almost throughout the entire say. He never shy'd away his love for me, but he kept pushing and pulling now blaming me for starting drama. Honest, I never did. IF I had something on my mind I would bring it up carefully, but it was maybe 4 times in a year. I just don't understand what is happening. How much more can you do for a scorpio before they believe you love them?
Confused and hurt
I would always tell him where I was, what I was doing etc... He had access to my fb and Phone whenever he had questions, I had nothing to hide. Everyday I told and showed him I love him. We spent most of our days and nights together. But the minute I was on my own he would question things. Not only question, he was convinced of his own mind and wouldn't waver. Followed by disappearing for one or 2 days, only to come back apologizing. I would tell he can't treat people like that, that I understood his fears but reassured him I was devoted to him and that I wouldn't lie or hurt him. And I never did, I didnt even tell a white lie bc I knew how important honesty was to him.
As time went by he became more and more paranoid. He ignored me for 2 days bc I went to the store while he thought I was home. I went to the store...smdh. that's just one exempel, I could give 50. No matter his insecurities I never changed and kept doing what I do. Telling him I loved him, being there and supporting him in what he did, hobbies. I spent every free moment I had with him and his kids. But the questionning remained. The ignoring and disappearing acts went from one day up to a week. As an Aries I would panic the first day, but after that first day I'd just leave him be. He knew How I felt but always said I was the love of his life and that he wouldn't leave me ever.
Although we talked about his fears and falsely accusing, he said he believed me and trusted me, but I feel like he never really did. I do believe he wanted to, but he was always looking for that sign that said: you'll hurt me too. Exhausting to say the least. But I really love him to the core so I never gave up and kept showing him he was everything to me.
A month ago we were having a fun day, just the two of us, dancing and drinking at his house. I received a message from a Friend asking me if I still went on my daily nature walks and if he could come with sometime. Before answering I told my bf I got this message and boom, he freaked out. We were drunk yes but nothing mean was said. I tried talking, he wanted to be alone. Which would have been fine, but I was drunk and couldnt just leave and drive home. So I just stayed quiet on the couch playing with his dog and trying not to trigger him more.
He would be calm and then again said I needed to leave. I told him I would but I couldnt for now. He got mad and said he'd call the police if I didnt leave that seconde... wtf! So yeah, this Aries didnt take that threat lightly. I didnt throw a tantrum, just got my stuff and called a taxi. It cost me 80 $ to get home too.
Two days later he texted me to come over and talk. Every single thing he ever questionned came back and he still believed them to be true, I had no idea!! Then he said I always started drama and that he needed time. The Aries in me wanted to object but it would have backfired, so once again I told him I loved him and that I wasnt who he made me in his head.
We spoke on the phone almost daily and were supposed to meet this Sunday. On Friday we had a talk, a nice talk too, at one point I did mention that when he ignored me I asked myself who or what I was to him. He hung up and didnt show up Sunday. Just a text saying he wouldn't come and then he blocked me.
I lost my cool for 4 minutes I must admit. I left a voicemail saying he was a coward. That must of hurt, but c'mon.
So now, I'm just wondering where to go from here. Our connection is still so strong, I feel his presence almost throughout the entire say. He never shy'd away his love for me, but he kept pushing and pulling now blaming me for starting drama. Honest, I never did. IF I had something on my mind I would bring it up carefully, but it was maybe 4 times in a year. I just don't understand what is happening. How much more can you do for a scorpio before they believe you love them?
Confused and hurt
Hmm .. just leave them ? Why should you bother convincing someone you love them . You love them , if they accept and believe it fine . If they don't , just let it go . I still believe that if you are "supposed" to be with someone you should constantly chased after them or convince them .
I mean your "scorpio" seems to be on his period or something to act up like this . Just stop talking to him for a while ..
I know it's easier said than done , but I believe that if you are really done with these actions you should tell him and just go . Life's short keep going
I mean your "scorpio" seems to be on his period or something to act up like this . Just stop talking to him for a while ..
I know it's easier said than done , but I believe that if you are really done with these actions you should tell him and just go . Life's short keep going
Who wouldnt be afraid of love....Who in their right mind would want to be dependent on another human being? If I fall in love it'll be by mistake lol Oh, sorry OP, I dont have an answer for you
He sounds exhausting. Why do you love him again? Like what are his good traits, what's he bringing to the table...?
Well, he chose love before but he got burned real bad. So I get it. But I am not these people. I have done everything a persoon van do. Oh just hurts me for him.
He can be happy if he wants to, he just can't see it. That hurts him, but it hurts me as well. I feel like my words and actions mean nothing to him, as if they don't register
He can be happy if he wants to, he just can't see it. That hurts him, but it hurts me as well. I feel like my words and actions mean nothing to him, as if they don't register
Your censoring your words and reactions around him, walking on eggshells. If you can't speak your mind then how can he claim to love you. He doesn't even know you...
I sort of understand his jealousy and fear. It can be hard to trust someone especially after you've been hurt. Ive been there before and the only way I got better was being single for years and working on myself.
From your standpoint, you sound like a mother taking care of a child. You're overly cautious and always putting his needs above yours. Eventually you will turn bitter and begin to hate him.
From your standpoint, you sound like a mother taking care of a child. You're overly cautious and always putting his needs above yours. Eventually you will turn bitter and begin to hate him.
Posted by LadyNeptuneI love him doe his soul for starters. But also bc he pushes me to limits in a good way. I do stuff I was always afraid of doing. He makes me feel safe. And bc with him I have a feeling of what love really should feel like
He sounds exhausting. Why do you love him again? Like what are his good traits, what's he bringing to the table...?
Posted by LadyNeptuneI think this hits home really close as I had that same thought a week ago. I got a chance to know him, but not the other way around.
Your censoring your words and reactions around him, walking on eggshells. If you can't speak your mind then how can he claim to love you. He doesn't even know you...
Posted by PootyButtPosted by 13thIt's interesting that you associate love with dependency. Do you mean that you become dependent on that person as in they can leave and break your heart?
Who wouldnt be afraid of love....Who in their right mind would want to be dependent on another human being? If I fall in love it'll be by mistake lol Oh, sorry OP, I dont have an answer for youclick to expand
Yes.
Posted by AliensusedourbogrollWhy would you ask that? ?
Has he hit you yet? Or been physically intimidating?
He can be moody when things don't go as planned yes. But don't we all?
PootyButt whats your placements (sun-asc-moon)?..You part of the fraternity or youre just visiting? Just curious
Posted by AliensusedourbogrollThis could be true. I know he could panic if we were to leave 5 minutes later then planned. One time his gps lost signal and he became a bit moody bc he wasnt sure he was driving right, even after his best Friend assured him we werr. His silence in the car spoke volumes.
He's not afraid of love. He's afraid of not being in control.
My motto in life: "Never punish the ones that come after, for the one that came before."
Posted by PootyButtNot really, for me.Posted by nikkistarIt's a great motto. Easier said than done.
My motto in life: "Never punish the ones that come after, for the one that came before."click to expand
Sitting there thinking this person is going to do what this other person does is asinine to me. People are individuals that all react differently, it's as simple as that to me.
Posted by nikkistarInstead of staying silent or fueling his behavior by constantly reasuring him each time he got insecure, the op should have reminded him firmly that...Posted by PootyButtNot really, for me.Posted by nikkistarIt's a great motto. Easier said than done.
My motto in life: "Never punish the ones that come after, for the one that came before."
Sitting there thinking this person is going to do what this other person does is asinine to me. People are individuals that all react differently, it's as simple as that to me.click to expand
a) she is not the people who have hurt him in the past,
b) it's not fair for her to be punished for past hurts of his, and
c) pointed out that she has been trustworthy thus far.
Instead she reaffirmed his bad behavior and paranoia by choosing to not address it. At this point why would he magically change?
Posted by AliensusedourbogrollThis.
He's not afraid of love. He's afraid of not being in control.
Just this.
So manipulative.
Also smdh
Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by nikkistarInstead of staying silent or fueling his behavior by constantly reasuring him each time he got insecure, the op should have reminded him firmly that...Posted by PootyButtNot really, for me.Posted by nikkistarIt's a great motto. Easier said than done.
My motto in life: "Never punish the ones that come after, for the one that came before."
Sitting there thinking this person is going to do what this other person does is asinine to me. People are individuals that all react differently, it's as simple as that to me.
a) she is not the people who have hurt him in the past,
b) it's not fair for her to be punished for past hurts of his, and
c) pointed out that she has been trustworthy thus far.
Instead she reaffirmed his bad behavior and paranoia by choosing to not address it. At this point why would he magically change?click to expand
Actually I did a,b and c all the time. All the time!!!
Posted by LadyNeptuneFor one, that is the OP's mistake for perpetuating the issue.
Instead of staying silent or fueling his behavior by constantly reasuring him each time he got insecure, the op should have reminded him firmly that...
a) she is not the people who have hurt him in the past,
b) it's not fair for her to be punished for past hurts of his, and
c) pointed out that she has been trustworthy thus far.
Instead she reaffirmed his bad behavior and paranoia by choosing to not address it. At this point why would he magically change?
The second mistake is the her boyfriend being a royal bitch, and assuming she is going to do the crap his ex did.
So each were too passive.
Posted by PootyButtTrust me, it's not that great to be rationale sometimes. It would be simpler for me to be able to empathize more from an emotional stand point, but logic overrules all most of the time for me. I have been called "cold" far too many times cause of it, and relationships have not worked out for me cause they believe I don't care enough. It's a definitely a double edged sword.
Well, yeah, but one does also learn from experience, and we're not always rational about love. I'm jealous that you can be so rational.
I did tell him all these things. More then once too!!! I told him in all sorts of manners, causale, frustrated, crying, mad,... I did adress all these things.
Posted by IridessariesEveryone's been hurt before. To be betrayed and betray is human. He's letting these negative experiences be his crutch, and you allowed it by playing into that behavior.
He told me about his insecurities and how people had severly hurt him in the past, that It's hard for him to trust anyone.
Within the first few months of dating my Gem asked me "What happens if you meet someone that you have a better connection with than me?". I knew he had been burned in relationships in the past, as have I.
I told him that there is no guarantee I wouldn't meet someone tomorrow. However I respect him and myself enough to break things off before jumping into something new. He doesn't need to worry about that kind of deception from me.
Each time he showed his insecurity was a chance for you to change a negative reaction into something positive. He was looking for reinforcement. You gave him passivity instead.
Posted by IridessariesThen at a certain point you need to value yourself enough to walk away and give him the space to realize his insecurity is fucking things up so he can start valuing you.Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by nikkistarInstead of staying silent or fueling his behavior by constantly reasuring him each time he got insecure, the op should have reminded him firmly that...Posted by PootyButtNot really, for me.Posted by nikkistarIt's a great motto. Easier said than done.
My motto in life: "Never punish the ones that come after, for the one that came before."
Sitting there thinking this person is going to do what this other person does is asinine to me. People are individuals that all react differently, it's as simple as that to me.
a) she is not the people who have hurt him in the past,
b) it's not fair for her to be punished for past hurts of his, and
c) pointed out that she has been trustworthy thus far.
Instead she reaffirmed his bad behavior and paranoia by choosing to not address it. At this point why would he magically change?
Actually I did a,b and c all the time. All the time!!!click to expand
Posted by nikkistarYeah it gives me doormat vibes.Posted by LadyNeptuneFor one, that is the OP's mistake for perpetuating the issue.
Instead of staying silent or fueling his behavior by constantly reasuring him each time he got insecure, the op should have reminded him firmly that...
a) she is not the people who have hurt him in the past,
b) it's not fair for her to be punished for past hurts of his, and
c) pointed out that she has been trustworthy thus far.
Instead she reaffirmed his bad behavior and paranoia by choosing to not address it. At this point why would he magically change?
The second mistake is the her boyfriend being a royal bitch, and assuming she is going to do the crap his ex did.
So each were too passive.click to expand
You can't save someone who doesn't want to be save. Your just now two people drowning instead of one.
Love, most definitely, does not concur all.
I find that most people have this unrealistic expectation when it comes to love. And that relationships should have bouts of "passion" and what books and movies tell you what love is. Because of these expectations, people come on this board and start these types of threads were they call the other individual the "one" or talk about some profoundly deep connection with the other person. But in the next breath start talking about the issues at hand. If the connection was so profound and great as stated, then these issues would have been addressed in an adult manner and rectified accordingly.
But since it hadn't been, a thread was created asking people what you can do. And the answer to that is, nothing. That person will feel the way they feel and react the way they react because they want to. You can try and explain to them, and it is really up to them to internalize that information and react accordingly, or not. If that person is unwilling to change his/her behavior, then you take the relationship as a lesson learned and add to the list of things you require in a partner.
I find that most people have this unrealistic expectation when it comes to love. And that relationships should have bouts of "passion" and what books and movies tell you what love is. Because of these expectations, people come on this board and start these types of threads were they call the other individual the "one" or talk about some profoundly deep connection with the other person. But in the next breath start talking about the issues at hand. If the connection was so profound and great as stated, then these issues would have been addressed in an adult manner and rectified accordingly.
But since it hadn't been, a thread was created asking people what you can do. And the answer to that is, nothing. That person will feel the way they feel and react the way they react because they want to. You can try and explain to them, and it is really up to them to internalize that information and react accordingly, or not. If that person is unwilling to change his/her behavior, then you take the relationship as a lesson learned and add to the list of things you require in a partner.
I love humility. Too bad there are so many lacking from it.
Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by IridessariesThen at a certain point you need to value yourself enough to walk away and give him the space to realize his insecurity is fucking things up so he can start valuing you.Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by nikkistarInstead of staying silent or fueling his behavior by constantly reasuring him each time he got insecure, the op should have reminded him firmly that...Posted by PootyButtNot really, for me.Posted by nikkistarIt's a great motto. Easier said than done.
My motto in life: "Never punish the ones that come after, for the one that came before."
Sitting there thinking this person is going to do what this other person does is asinine to me. People are individuals that all react differently, it's as simple as that to me.
a) she is not the people who have hurt him in the past,
b) it's not fair for her to be punished for past hurts of his, and
c) pointed out that she has been trustworthy thus far.
Instead she reaffirmed his bad behavior and paranoia by choosing to not address it. At this point why would he magically change?
Actually I did a,b and c all the time. All the time!!!click to expand
I guess you're right on that. He asked me many times to not give up on him. I never did and stayed. I promised him to not give up, so I stayed patient. That prob was a mistake. Bc now he left and I will never know if me leaving would've helpt. There's no saying he will back either.
Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by IridessariesHow should I have done this? This is a sincere question. I told him and showed him daily. Not just words, also actions. The wrong actions? I work from home as a writer, so I was either there or he was here. I never hid anything from him. He could come over at all hours...
He told me about his insecurities and how people had severly hurt him in the past, that It's hard for him to trust anyone.
Each time he showed his insecurity was a chance for you to change a negative reaction into something positive. He was looking for reinforcement. You gave him passivity instead.
I did my own thing as well, so he could see I'd always come back. He was just so scared I'd meet someone else.
click to expand
Posted by IridessariesAs long as you learn from this it isn't a waste of time. In the future you will see men who act this way as major red flags. You will demand more for yourself in your future relationships.Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by IridessariesThen at a certain point you need to value yourself enough to walk away and give him the space to realize his insecurity is fucking things up so he can start valuing you.Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by nikkistarInstead of staying silent or fueling his behavior by constantly reasuring him each time he got insecure, the op should have reminded him firmly that...Posted by PootyButtNot really, for me.Posted by nikkistarIt's a great motto. Easier said than done.
My motto in life: "Never punish the ones that come after, for the one that came before."
Sitting there thinking this person is going to do what this other person does is asinine to me. People are individuals that all react differently, it's as simple as that to me.
a) she is not the people who have hurt him in the past,
b) it's not fair for her to be punished for past hurts of his, and
c) pointed out that she has been trustworthy thus far.
Instead she reaffirmed his bad behavior and paranoia by choosing to not address it. At this point why would he magically change?
Actually I did a,b and c all the time. All the time!!!
I guess you're right on that. He asked me many times to not give up on him. I never did and stayed. I promised him to not give up, so I stayed patient. That prob was a mistake. Bc now he left and I will never know if me leaving would've helpt. There's no saying he will back either.click to expand
In my experience men who were always questioning my whereabouts, not trusting me despite my actions always being loyal, were actually hiding or cheating on me themselves. They put the spot light on me so that I was too busy defending my actions and whereabouts to questions theirs. Not saying that he was cheating on you/hiding something...but it's a possibility.
Posted by IridessariesOP, please don't take offense to how I am writing this to you.
How should I have done this? This is a sincere question. I told him and showed him daily. Not just words, also actions. The wrong actions? I work from home as a writer, so I was either there or he was here. I never hid anything from him. He could come over at all hours...
I did my own thing as well, so he could see I'd always come back. He was just so scared I'd meet someone else.
But just by the context of how you write and communicate, you come off as a passive person. That's not a bad thing at all. However, you may have verbalized all of these things, but you told him in a passive connotation and probably with minimal force behind the words. You probably did so in a manner to soothe him, while reassuring him of whom you are.
That's what I see you doing with your Scorpio. I don't see you going full blow rage-fest for his illogical paranoia when it comes to you.
Posted by nikkistarNot offended ?Posted by IridessariesOP, please don't take offense to how I am writing this to you.
How should I have done this? This is a sincere question. I told him and showed him daily. Not just words, also actions. The wrong actions? I work from home as a writer, so I was either there or he was here. I never hid anything from him. He could come over at all hours...
I did my own thing as well, so he could see I'd always come back. He was just so scared I'd meet someone else.
But just by the context of how you write and communicate, you come off as a passive person. That's not a bad thing at all. However, you may have verbalized all of these things, but you told him in a passive connotation and probably with minimal force behind the words. You probably did so in a manner to soothe him, while reassuring him of whom you are.
That's what I see you doing with your Scorpio. I don't see you going full blow rage-fest for his illogical paranoia when it comes to you.click to expand
There were few times time I went into an Aries fit, true. But when I did, I DID ?
He was just always about not wanting drama, so I controlled my emotions in front of him. If I was home, I'd go full Aries but he never heard it bc I would just vent to a friend or thin air.
The few times time I went into an Aries fit he'd disappear or he'd apologize for acting stupid.
Posted by IridessariesYea, I think you having to censor yourself in front of him is a form of passivity.Posted by nikkistarNot offended ?Posted by IridessariesOP, please don't take offense to how I am writing this to you.
How should I have done this? This is a sincere question. I told him and showed him daily. Not just words, also actions. The wrong actions? I work from home as a writer, so I was either there or he was here. I never hid anything from him. He could come over at all hours...
I did my own thing as well, so he could see I'd always come back. He was just so scared I'd meet someone else.
But just by the context of how you write and communicate, you come off as a passive person. That's not a bad thing at all. However, you may have verbalized all of these things, but you told him in a passive connotation and probably with minimal force behind the words. You probably did so in a manner to soothe him, while reassuring him of whom you are.
That's what I see you doing with your Scorpio. I don't see you going full blow rage-fest for his illogical paranoia when it comes to you.
There were few times time I went into an Aries fit, true. But when I did, I DID ?
He was just always about not wanting drama, so I controlled my emotions in front of him. If I was home, I'd go full Aries but he never heard it bc I would just vent to a friend or thin air.
The few times time I went into an Aries fit he'd disappear or he'd apologize for acting stupid.click to expand
You should be allowed to be whom you are, and not have to hide those parts of you.
Not to the OP: On a completely different tangent, I guess my hint was taken since the horrendous comment was hidden. To go on a verbal tirade condemning a woman about looks and appearance (calling someone fat, grey-haired, and old is juvenile behavior), who's only error is to have the "audacity" to be in a relationship with a man they are currently lusting after, is grotesque and speaks volumes of your actual nature. And you wonder why he chose someone who "looks like that" over you. That answer is self explanatory with your abhorrent behavior.
Posted by nikkistarPosted by IridessariesYea, I think you having to censor yourself in front of him is a form of passivity.Posted by nikkistarNot offended ?Posted by IridessariesOP, please don't take offense to how I am writing this to you.
How should I have done this? This is a sincere question. I told him and showed him daily. Not just words, also actions. The wrong actions? I work from home as a writer, so I was either there or he was here. I never hid anything from him. He could come over at all hours...
I did my own thing as well, so he could see I'd always come back. He was just so scared I'd meet someone else.
But just by the context of how you write and communicate, you come off as a passive person. That's not a bad thing at all. However, you may have verbalized all of these things, but you told him in a passive connotation and probably with minimal force behind the words. You probably did so in a manner to soothe him, while reassuring him of whom you are.
That's what I see you doing with your Scorpio. I don't see you going full blow rage-fest for his illogical paranoia when it comes to you.
There were few times time I went into an Aries fit, true. But when I did, I DID ?
He was just always about not wanting drama, so I controlled my emotions in front of him. If I was home, I'd go full Aries but he never heard it bc I would just vent to a friend or thin air.
The few times time I went into an Aries fit he'd disappear or he'd apologize for acting stupid.
You should be allowed to be whom you are, and not have to hide those parts of you.
Not to the OP: On a completely different tangent, I guess my hint was taken since the horrendous comment was hidden. To go on a verbal tirade condemning a woman about looks and appearance (calling someone fat, grey-haired, and old is juvenile behavior), who's only error is to have the "audacity" to be in a relationship with a man they are currently lusting after, is grotesque and speaks volumes of your actual nature. And you wonder why he chose someone who "looks like that" over you. That answer is self explanatory with your abhorrent behavior.click to expand
I was myself and I wasn' t. I really enjoyed every little thing I did for him, I would have done this for the rest of my days. So that part was me. But yeah, keeping feelings in so he wouldn't be upset was not always me. I wanted to explode so many times. But I know from in my past, I could/would hurt someone when I did. So I've worked on that the last couple of years. I vented in other ways. Writing, music,... just everything to be the bigger person. Sometimes it still gets the best of me. When I'm really upset or hurt.
Yesterday e.g. I was very emotional and before I knew it, I texted my scorpios friend in despair stating everything I've done for him and it still wasn' t good enough. Been regretting it ever since ?
Posted by IridessariesTo me, I think people need to accept the other individual for who they are, flaws and all. Perfection doesn't exist. You are entitled to make occasional mistakes. It's okay to be upset, and to vent accordingly. It's not only an astrological trait, because I suffer from bottling up emotions and then exploding at times.
I was myself and I wasn' t. I really enjoyed every little thing I did for him, I would have done this for the rest of my days. So that part was me. But yeah, keeping feelings in so he wouldn't be upset was not always me. I wanted to explode so many times. But I know from in my past, I could/would hurt someone when I did. So I've worked on that the last couple of years. I vented in other ways. Writing, music,... just everything to be the bigger person. Sometimes it still gets the best of me. When I'm really upset or hurt.
Yesterday e.g. I was very emotional and before I knew it, I texted my scorpios friend in despair stating everything I've done for him and it still wasn' t good enough. Been regretting it ever since ?
He sounds very controlling & u sound like u can't be your true self.. There's no trust .. No relationship .. I'm sorry
Posted by blackphaseHe can't trust anyone he says, only his diving buddies. And that's just under water. Once they're on solid ground again, the trust goes out the door.
Wow.. this is how shitty I look from the other side
Although, you are very open and reassuring it seems. If I had someone like you, it would probably put all my paranoid thoughts to rest. He seems to have some very big issues with trust and insecurity, I can relate. It generally only intensifies and gets to the stage his is at when we are with someone whom we do not trust.. But you don't seem like you gave him any reason to not trust you. From what you have described, I'm like, where is my male version of that? Lol.. So I am not sure why he is testing you this hard and can't seem to accept your honesty
But his insecurities and mistrust were bad. Not just to me, to everyone. I took pics of him and others one day they went diving. Later that night one of the guys texted me to forward the pics to him, my bf was sitting next to me. I just said his buddy texted me, he took out his Ipad and messaged his buddy/collegue/boss really. The anger that he received verbally wasnt that bad but I didnt understand why he was so mad. It was a normaal question. Didnt see him for 2 days after that. He then explained he didnt want his collegue talking about he texting me at work. I know scorps can be jealous, controlling and possessive sometimes. But this gave that a New meaning.
He knows I love him, he just can't believe it I think. I really think he wants to but he just can't.
He knows he has issues and was willing to see someone. But the next day we got into a fight, don't even remember why. But never went back to the subject. That's on me though. I should have brought it up again. But after that fight, it seemed like he saw the light finally and we had 4 months of no questionning. In october everything started again. But different. He questionned less, but when he did he would disappear for a week instead of 1 or 2 days.
He also had a thing in the end where he would just imagine things to the story. I told you we were having some drinks at his house the last time. 2 days later he claimed I got him drunk on purpose... ? so strange. I just looked at him in disbelief.
He also had a thing in the end where he would just imagine things to the story. I told you we were having some drinks at his house the last time. 2 days later he claimed I got him drunk on purpose... ? so strange. I just looked at him in disbelief.
Posted by LadyNeptuneTo be honest, He was at one point very secretive of his phone. But I asked him about it and then he immediatly showed me everything (no time for deleting). He wasnt hiding girls or anything, just porn ? He thought I'd be upset cause his exes all were. I wasnt ? but other then that he was private yes, but not extreme. Going through his phone would be a No ofcourse. But he always said if I had questions he'd always show me. I asked him just that one time.Posted by IridessariesAs long as you learn from this it isn't a waste of time. In the future you will see men who act this way as major red flags. You will demand more for yourself in your future relationships.Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by IridessariesThen at a certain point you need to value yourself enough to walk away and give him the space to realize his insecurity is fucking things up so he can start valuing you.Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by nikkistarInstead of staying silent or fueling his behavior by constantly reasuring him each time he got insecure, the op should have reminded him firmly that...Posted by PootyButtNot really, for me.Posted by nikkistarIt's a great motto. Easier said than done.
My motto in life: "Never punish the ones that come after, for the one that came before."
Sitting there thinking this person is going to do what this other person does is asinine to me. People are individuals that all react differently, it's as simple as that to me.
a) she is not the people who have hurt him in the past,
b) it's not fair for her to be punished for past hurts of his, and
c) pointed out that she has been trustworthy thus far.
Instead she reaffirmed his bad behavior and paranoia by choosing to not address it. At this point why would he magically change?
Actually I did a,b and c all the time. All the time!!!
I guess you're right on that. He asked me many times to not give up on him. I never did and stayed. I promised him to not give up, so I stayed patient. That prob was a mistake. Bc now he left and I will never know if me leaving would've helpt. There's no saying he will back either.
In my experience men who were always questioning my whereabouts, not trusting me despite my actions always being loyal, were actually hiding or cheating on me themselves. They put the spot light on me so that I was too busy defending my actions and whereabouts to questions theirs. Not saying that he was cheating on you/hiding something...but it's a possibility.click to expand
hes fucked up girl grab your things and go, I assure you he will never ever change he will be panaroid to the last day of his life so why on earth would you waste more time and feelings than you already did with someone that does not TRUST you?
Posted by scorpYoBecause he trusts me with everything else. His kids, staying in house when he's at work, his debetcard,... There are only questions when I'm not with him.
hes fucked up girl grab your things and go, I assure you he will never ever change he will be panaroid to the last day of his life so why on earth would you waste more time and feelings than you already did with someone that does not TRUST you?
Posted by ReincarnationMoon AriesPosted by Iridessaries
Confused and hurt
What's your Moon and Venus placement?click to expand
Venus Gemini
ASC Cancer
This scorpio guy i know was intrigued by me but the aqua in me was too cautious and i never could trust him. He started conversations and would frequently ask about my life and my past bluntly and he a was total stranger. He started telling personal stuff from his life and even discussed his past relationship. He told me he cared for me and was very protective of me. But I was very skeptical and by the third day he said he loves me but i did not say it back. Being an aqua i got paranoid and backed out saying it was a huge mistake. He was very hurt and stayed distant and stopped talking to me and ignored my presence I put in efforts to clarify and he was okay again after a few days. But i always looked at the bigger picture whereas he was focused on us which led him to think i did not care.
Then he got cold quick. Later i tried to sort things out and he said he won't be able to continue and but he wanted me to give him commitment that I will be there for him when he needed. I agreed. Later after a few weeks he subtly says he has to go abroad and doesn't want to keep me waiting for such a long time. I agreed to that too.
Then over text he told me he doesn't wanna meet because he doesn't like the way i stick. (which ironic seeing it was happening because of him) I felt direspected and stoppes talking to him. He tried to get my attention by doing petty things but i did not give in so he slowly blocked me on social media one at a time as if he was waiting for a response. Still he remained connected at one messaging app.
I texted him almost 2 weeks later that i was finding it hard to come to terms of him leaving. He responds I was never his girlfriend. And i said it was about you leaving and nothing else.
He goes on and says no he'll make me a friend and that he loves my texts.
Wtf is this? Is he trying to string me along?
Then he got cold quick. Later i tried to sort things out and he said he won't be able to continue and but he wanted me to give him commitment that I will be there for him when he needed. I agreed. Later after a few weeks he subtly says he has to go abroad and doesn't want to keep me waiting for such a long time. I agreed to that too.
Then over text he told me he doesn't wanna meet because he doesn't like the way i stick. (which ironic seeing it was happening because of him) I felt direspected and stoppes talking to him. He tried to get my attention by doing petty things but i did not give in so he slowly blocked me on social media one at a time as if he was waiting for a response. Still he remained connected at one messaging app.
I texted him almost 2 weeks later that i was finding it hard to come to terms of him leaving. He responds I was never his girlfriend. And i said it was about you leaving and nothing else.
He goes on and says no he'll make me a friend and that he loves my texts.
Wtf is this? Is he trying to string me along?
Posted by EvoxxxscorpioI understand why you would think that. But actually he is very thoughtful and puts in as much an effort as I do. He comes whenever he can, spoils me, frees his time,...
He's gonna make you do a lot of work 70/30 like I said on the other post.
I have zero complaints there. Besides his insecurities and trust issues he's everything I ever wanted.
Not asking advice, just need to vent bc I'm on a rollercoaster right now.
And I know I shouldn't, I did everything I could. But at THIS moment I feel guilty. I defended myself when he falsely accused, I didn't leave immediatly bc I couldnt,... And now he says I always start drama and that he needs time to think.
Is defending yourself considered drama for a scorpio? I didn't act up or anything, I just defended myself. I was never nasty or mean, I was mostly hurt and confused. But drama? ?
Sorry. Just all over the place now. I know it' s not me, but NOW I just wished I left his house and wandered the streets, or that I just let him think his thoughts without defending myself.
It will be over tomorrow. But now, these questions are clouding my head.
And I know I shouldn't, I did everything I could. But at THIS moment I feel guilty. I defended myself when he falsely accused, I didn't leave immediatly bc I couldnt,... And now he says I always start drama and that he needs time to think.
Is defending yourself considered drama for a scorpio? I didn't act up or anything, I just defended myself. I was never nasty or mean, I was mostly hurt and confused. But drama? ?
Sorry. Just all over the place now. I know it' s not me, but NOW I just wished I left his house and wandered the streets, or that I just let him think his thoughts without defending myself.
It will be over tomorrow. But now, these questions are clouding my head.
Posted by ImpulsvI know what gas lighting is. But that's done malignant and by not so Nice people.
It's called gas lighting
He wasnt like that. His parents noticed a change in him the last years, just as his friends. He's an open, considerate, sensitive person. Always puts others first.
You don't just wake up one day and become a narcississt. Labels for people are granted so freely. Sigh
I was just confused an hour ago. Not once before did I blame myself nor did he. Just now he said this, never before. He would beat himself up for weeks for acting stupid. He fought it on lots of occassions as well. Narcississts wouldn't do that...ever. I have worked with malignant narcississts and studied them. I would know
in time he will trust you and you can listen to whoever you want but they still can't tell
you how to live because after all it's your life Aries. good luck your going to need it.
you how to live because after all it's your life Aries. good luck your going to need it.
Why are you so accomodating to someone who could leave you for days on in and not give you one reason as to why he left? He is not short on love he is controlling.
Posted by PootyButtI know ? today is better as I said it would be. Was just upset last night, and then I get a bit defensive. It's the Aries way ?Posted by IridessariesAlways take the advice here with a grain of salt. You just happened to post about Scorpios around the same time as several other people, and I think you got a reactionary response at least partly because of that.Posted by ImpulsvI know what gas lighting is. But that's done malignant and by not so Nice people.
It's called gas lighting
He wasnt like that. His parents noticed a change in him the last years, just as his friends. He's an open, considerate, sensitive person. Always puts others first.
You don't just wake up one day and become a narcississt. Labels for people are granted so freely. Sigh
I was just confused an hour ago. Not once before did I blame myself nor did he. Just now he said this, never before. He would beat himself up for weeks for acting stupid. He fought it on lots of occassions as well. Narcississts wouldn't do that...ever. I have worked with malignant narcississts and studied them. I would knowclick to expand
Not sad or confused this morning, just mad. But keeping it in so I don't do anything stupid. Know yourself ?
Posted by EveryOunceI feel if I answer this I come across as making excuses for him. Which is not the intent, I know what he is doing now is unfair. But here we go anyway.
Why are you so accomodating to someone who could leave you for days on in and not give you one reason as to why he left? He is not short on love he is controlling.
Yes, he would disappear in the past for 1 or 2 days, but I always knew why though. It didnt make sense but he always said what was in his mind.
I do agree he was/is controlling. He explained this to me once too. I don't think it s malignant controlling, it s part of his being. We had talks about him being controlling, jealous, possessive. Real talks. He feels bad and tries to fight it. When he fights it and overcomes it, it s like a light goes on in him and he realizes what he's done and has been doing before. When it has become "truth" in his head, it never leaves though.
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