Anyone else notice that friendship is harder because others are fearful of you?

This topic was created in the Spirituality forum by HateMeNowIloveit on Wednesday, February 12, 2025 and has 36 replies.
Through out the years I have been doing alot of work on myself. Trauma detoxing, rebuilding myself, who I am. (Was homeless with my son and got diagnosed bpd and cptsd) its not easy.

But I have found what works for me. Ive been putting myself out there, and I do realize that I can push people away due to fear of rejection but as I take notes on WHY I am pushing others away, I have narrowed it down to them being toxic. I try to always ask myself why I am doing what I am doing but what happens is I run into people who have little to no accountability. I never confront people and make them feel cornered but I will mention, like "hey thats not okay, is everything alright?"

Even with my mention, they out themselves by verbally abusing me or admitting to abusing others. I love to believe there is goodness in the world but I keep running into rotten apples that dont know they are rotten.

I used to help people out of themselves but I feel now as I am 35 that it is best that I work on myself and focus and healing myself not others.

People seem to believe there is judgement in acknowledging our flaws/traumas etc but to me it is a pure and intelligent thing to do. When I mess up I hold myself accountable. It humbles me.

Can anyone else relate?

Its been this way most my life.

Im no where near perfect.
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I'm sorry you went through all that sht with your family, life is really cruel to people with good intentions and the good interests of other people sometimes.. it just don't make any sense sometimes.


I went through a lot of personal issues and traumas too and some I'm still dealing with


"I used to help people out of themselves but I feel now as I am 35 that it is best that I work on myself and focus and healing myself not others."


I have come to the same understanding here.

I have also come to understand that being "selfish" is a good thing and not a negative thing , it's being responsible for our own path..

We have to stop being emotional dog support / people pleasers and be more conscious and responsible for ourselves

Personal development / mental help / self help is the key to success in my opinion, hope this helps
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Posted by Moon4
I'm sorry you went through all that sht with your family, life is really cruel to people with good intentions and the good interests of other people sometimes.. it just don't make any sense sometimes.

I went through a lot of personal issues and traumas too and some I'm still dealing with

"I used to help people out of themselves but I feel now as I am 35 that it is best that I work on myself and focus and healing myself not others."

I have come to the same understanding here.
I have also come to understand that being "selfish" is a good thing and not a negative thing , it's being responsible for our own path..
We have to stop being emotional dog support / people pleasers and be more conscious and responsible for ourselves
Personal development / mental help / self help is the key to success in my opinion, hope this helps
Ironically I've been called Selfish by narcissist and I believe that is a Telltale sign that I am not serving up to them the way they want. I know this sounds really messed up or twisted backwards but I can always tell that I'm doing good when others tell me I'm doing bad
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People just can't handle others telling them about their flaws that's why I stop. They get mad thinking it's all your fault but can't see the fault/s in them and it's not just people in real life but people on this site too sadly can't see their own flaws and not aware of them. People just can't handle knowledge and wisdoms and that's what I deliver. I'm not one to say what people want to hear to get on their good graces. No no it just don't work like that with me. People expect me to be the listener but others don't want that, they don't want to listen to nobody and for that reason I just can't with people. I been came to this conclusion long ago so you know I'm as old as dirt. Been around the block tons of times in my life and done seen and experience them all.
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Posted by Jumpin_Jupiter
People just can't handle others telling them about their flaws that's why I stop. They get mad thinking it's all your fault but can't see the fault/s in them and it's not just people in real life but people on this site too sadly can't see their own flaws and not aware of them. People just can't handle knowledge and wisdoms and that's what I deliver. I'm not one to say what people want to hear to get on their good graces. No no it just don't work like that with me. People expect me to be the listener but others don't want that, they don't want to listen to nobody and for that reason I just can't with people. I been came to this conclusion long ago so you know I'm as old as dirt. Been around the block tons of times in my life and done seen and experience them all.
Its like I wrote this comment.
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If you think of yourself as a source of energy, you're like a magnet—you attract and repel different energies.

Sometimes, we find ourselves surrounded by people who engage in negative behaviors. It can feel frustrating, but I see it as part of the challenge. When you truly overcome those situations and learn those lessons, you stop being drawn to that energy and naturally repel it.

The world we live in doesn’t exactly encourage personal growth or self-awareness. In fact, you could argue that our culture thrives on keeping people in lower states of consciousness—because it makes it easier to extract their value. The more you grow, the more selective your energy becomes, and the fewer people you naturally attract.

Growth is a lonely journey. What we need to evolve—and when we need it—is deeply personal. No one else can walk that path for us. The people we encounter along the way—friends, lovers, mentors, even adversaries—are part of the ecosystem of our experience. They serve as companions, teachers, lessons, warnings, inspirations, and consequences.

But I don’t think we’re meant to be overly dependent on our relationships with others. Maybe it’s just my Gemini moon speaking, but at the end of the day, we’re here alone. Our mission, our growth, our path—it’s ours alone.

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What do you expect from these friendships?

Do you want to talk to them or text them daily or meet and do some activities on the weekend?

Do they not want to listen to you when you talk about your problems or do you listen to their problems? Do they not want to meet as often as you would like?

Or would you rather have more positive friends who you go to yoga classes and movies with?

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Is there really a loneliness epidemic?

I can’t tell I’m an only child and introverted

I’m inclined to believe extroverts if they say it’s a real thing
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Posted by Polyannanana
What do you expect from these friendships?
Do you want to talk to them or text them daily or meet and do some activities on the weekend?
Do they not want to listen to you when you talk about your problems or do you listen to their problems? Do they not want to meet as often as you would like? < style ="border:0px;width:384px;height:390px;" width="384" height="390" frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" ="https://googleads.g.doubleclick.net/pagead/ads?client=ca-pub-2479323055890269&output=html&h=320&adk=2106254625&adf=2861402714&pi=t.aa~a.150042527~i.6~rp.1&w=384&abgtt=9&lmt=1739388106&num_ads=1&rafmt=1&armr=3&sem=mc&pwprc=1466752668&ad_type=text_image&format=384x320&url=https% 3A www.dxpnet.com opinion spirituality anyone-else-notice-that-friendship-is-harder-because-others-are-fearful-of-you--15953248 &fwr=1&pra=3&rh=297&rw=356&rpe=1&resp_fmts=3&sfro=1&wgl=1&fa=27&uach=WyJBbmRyb2lkIiwiMTQuMC4wIiwiIiwiU00tQTE1NlUiLCIxMzMuMC42OTQzLjQ5IixudWxsLDEsbnVsbCwiIixbWyJOb3QoQTpCcmFuZCIsIjk5LjAuMC4wIl0sWyJHb29nbGUgQ2hyb21lIiwiMTMzLjAuNjk0My40OSJdLFsiQ2hyb21pdW0iLCIxMzMuMC42OTQzLjQ5Il1dLDBd&dt=1739388103414&bpp=4&bdt=3631&idt=4&shv=r20250210&mjsv=m202502060101&ptt=9&saldr=aa&abxe=1&cookie=ID% 3D45f29cc95d7c25c5% 3AT% 3D1724485123% 3ART% 3D1739388091% 3AS% 3DALNI_MYFXIARDd2eIkroLCPm5UCDYhGoZQ&eo_id_str=ID% 3D4b16571b5b8be230% 3AT% 3D1724485123% 3ART% 3D1739388091% 3AS% 3DAA-AfjbRP9POcpuIqPQnJGMe4zhA&prev_fmts=0x0% 2C384x320% 2C384x60% 2C384x320% 2C384x320&nras=6&correlator=5812078343590&frm=20&pv=1&u_tz=-480&u_his=31&u_h=832&u_w=384&u_ah=832&u_aw=384&u_cd=24&u_sd=2.813&dmc=4&adx=0&ady=7637&biw=384&bih=700&scr_x=0&scr_y=2346&eid=31090148% 2C31090265% 2C31090267% 2C31090303% 2C95352068% 2C95347432% 2C95348348% 2C95350015&oid=2&psts=AOrYGslbIm7srr_ZRQOqsalogIkKzu0qBX6imPBGj36IHitZW9AaRuVFM5fUU7SowaYJ-WpzXBV3yd2D1mN3jrXnEE2nGDUbnKEmkK8hTGTN-MiRR_SZDw% 2CAOrYGslSNzo0Ed4jMH9nGfXf5yTkdepjHA4H2qCXEzo9w7FblfiwCFMTYYegmhfmHKx2P7hYuLmKFgP-8iyi1ywNsFABCT4% 2CAOrYGskm_9Ef0RPGiapmYP0aKb9F1lhbjrybnJZt1T7qD12Ekp3ClmjEQQBQFZQ8L_8oyLpq46ZCCBCoLyZ0RVaWYxRgaSQ% 2CAOrYGsmfPx5JbycO7hYhFz9Tv0EHY1-mygoMg6PIqyK4eO59QzrOFYGb1rW9CIyFPdAwhY9Wd6uPh8Q7LdiAO3pmIagngeY&pvsid=3613677006953309&tmod=604113908&uas=0&nvt=1&ref=https% 3A www.dxpnet.com notifications &fc=384&brdim=0% 2C0% 2C0% 2C0% 2C384% 2C0% 2C384% 2C756% 2C384% 2C756&vis=1&rsz=% 7C% 7Cs% 7C&abl=NS&fu=128&bc=31&bz=1&td=1&tdf=2&psd=W251bGwsbnVsbCxudWxsLDNd&nt=1&ifi=6&uci=a!6&btvi=5&fsb=1&dtd=2967" title="Advertisement">
Or would you rather have more positive friends who you go to yoga classes and movies with?

Lol this felt like a friendship application when I read it lol
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Posted by WoolyLabia
Is there really a loneliness epidemic?
I can’t tell I’m an only child and introverted
I’m inclined to believe extroverts if they say it’s a real thing
I dont know whats going on with the world. Im talking about myself and seeing if others relate.

Im just the observer
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I've been thinking about this the past couple of weeks (or months? if I'm honest). And this is just my opinion but I feel like most people in their 30s crave friendship more than they used to.

But idk maybe because right after my own marriage, everyone's so busy with their own thing and their own families.

I've noticed this because the woman that do my nails from this spa place and my neighbor who has this fabric business seems like they wanna make friends with me but I'm like content with my Aquarius friends (but they're also busy and married) and I'm kinda scared to commit to new friendships that I might not be able to maintain.

But omg I secretly want more friends if only I wasn't awkward and a Virgo. Like I wrote this one story on some site and somebody commented that they wish I don't abandon it and it scared me off like omg I felt pressured to continue it because I have a fan/follower so I deleted my account. Imagine we could have been friends if only I wasn't whatever this is.

Then I feel like everytime I reach out to somebody I always feel like I'm bothering them or wasting their time which is weird coz those are the usual feelings I've had when I was just starting to date. Like that's what trying to have friends feel like now- dating minus the romantic aspect but with all the anxiety I've associated with it in the past.

But then I got this project where I met this one lady who liked telling me about her life because I listened so attentively and she'd always seek me out until suddenly she got transferred. Then I realized I really should have more friends.

Anyway, I'm gonna try to go get me more friends once I immerse myself on a new project. But alas, it might be weeks before that. I don't know how my husband can take just chatting with distant friends over tech when I actually wanna hang out in person. I have to make myself more forward and shameless. I used to not want to be around physically lol this might be some cosmic retribution.
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Oh and as for them being fearful? I don't think so but more than one person from what I've heard of rumors thought I was standoffish. Apparently, if not that it's distant or cold. I suppose I never make things easy 🥶🥶

I like to think I'm attentive but respectful but irl I hear about my iciness so often that there must be some truth to it.

For some reason, only Aquas don't seem to think this way about me. Pisceans too oddly and I married a triple Pisces.

Come think of it, when we were first acquainted he said I seemed cold which made me wonder why he even pursued me lol but he realized I'm just shy and awkward.
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what i’ve found is that, calling people out on their questionable behaviors can be downright draining and oftentimes it’s just not worth it. especially if the person is incapable of self-reflection of any sort since accountability is the result of self-reflection.

the thing is, accountability is scary for so many people. they think if they engage in self-reflection and find out some unpleasant things about themselves, they will be denying their entire identity (who they were) up to this point and their entire history up to this point.

people don’t wanna feel like their whole life was a mistake. so they avoid self-reflection altogether. they wanna keep believing they were in the right, that their entire life wasn’t a series of mistakes.

of course no one’s life is entirely a series of mistakes (mistakes can be wonderful learning experiences) but these people just don’t wanna open that Pandora’s box to begin with. it’s more comfortable to keep it closed.

so it’s not that they are fearful of you, but more so fearful of what they may find out about themselves.

i’m far from perfect myself but life circumstances have made me engage in a lot of self-reflection (not turning away from unpleasant parts of myself, seeing what i can improve etc) and i try to live my life as honorably as i can after all those experiences. there’s already enough pain in the world. i don’t wanna add to it by being a selfish prick.
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i’ve called people out on their questionable behaviors and been yelled at, been accused of being “cold and unfeeling” while simply presenting facts, been blocked and then unblocked (lmao), all kinds of crazy stuff etc

i once called out a dude for cheating on my friend repeatedly (a girl) and was told by the dude to mind my own business even though his girl was so depressed that she jumped from the 4th floor of her apartment building. she survived (just ended up with a few broken bones) but i was supposed to just “mind my own business”.

i dragged his ass to the hospital where she was and made him apologize to her. did he change after that? nope. these types of people (narcissists) don’t change.

i was once blocked and then unblocked (lmao) after telling someone to stop expecting people to be a mind reader and start communicating properly 😅 this person had a habit of being passive aggressive (always sending me passive aggressive texts trying to get me to read between lines) and i didn’t think it was in his best interest to keep living like that so i told him to be an adult and just say what he needed to say.

what i’m trying to say is, you can’t change people. unless THEY miraculously have a groundbreaking epiphany at some point in their lives or something and THEY decide they wanna change. if whatever they’re currently doing right now is more comfortable for them, they won’t change no matter what anyone says.

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Posted by serenidad
i’ve called people out on their questionable behaviors and been yelled at, been accused of being “cold and unfeeling” while simply presenting facts, been blocked and then unblocked (lmao), all kinds of crazy stuff etc
i once called out a dude for cheating on my friend repeatedly (a girl) and was told by the dude to mind my own business even though his girl was so depressed that she jumped from the 4th floor of her apartment building. she survived (just ended up with a few broken bones) but i was supposed to just “mind my own business”.
i dragged his ass to the hospital where she was and made him apologize to her. did he change after that? nope. these types of people (narcissists) don’t change.
i was once blocked and then unblocked (lmao) after telling someone to stop expecting people to be a mind reader and start communicating properly 😅 this person had a habit of being passive aggressive (always sending me passive aggressive texts trying to get me to read between lines) and i didn’t think it was in his best interest to keep living like that so i told him to be an adult and just say what he needed to say.
what i’m trying to say is, you can’t change people. unless THEY miraculously have a groundbreaking epiphany at some point in their lives or something and THEY decide they wanna change. if whatever they’re currently doing right now is more comfortable for them, they won’t change no matter what anyone says.

Good on you for doing that. They never change.

I dont make room for anyone now days. I thinknI give em three week grace periods and then im done. People usually have atleast one red flag by then. Im bored of humans if im honest.
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Posted by serenidad
what i’ve found is that, calling people out on their questionable behaviors can be downright draining and oftentimes it’s just not worth it. especially if the person is incapable of self-reflection of any sort since accountability is the result of self-reflection.
the thing is, accountability is scary for so many people. they think if they engage in self-reflection and find out some unpleasant things about themselves, they will be denying their entire identity (who they were) up to this point and their entire history up to this point.
people don’t wanna feel like their whole life was a mistake. so they avoid self-reflection altogether. they wanna keep believing they were in the right, that their entire life wasn’t a series of mistakes.
of course no one’s life is entirely a series of mistakes (mistakes can be wonderful learning experiences) but these people just don’t wanna open that Pandora’s box to begin with. it’s more comfortable to keep it closed.
so it’s not that they are fearful of you, but more so fearful of what they may find out about themselves.
i’m far from perfect myself but life circumstances have made me engage in a lot of self-reflection (not turning away from unpleasant parts of myself, seeing what i can improve etc) and i try to live my life as honorably as i can after all those experiences. there’s already enough pain in the world. i don’t wanna add to it by being a selfish prick.
Its pretty uncomfortable getting into that part of yourself but you also gotta remember you were a child once, come at yourself with compassion. I dont think people know how to do that because they treat themselves how others have treated them.
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Posted by serenidad
what i’ve found is that, calling people out on their questionable behaviors can be downright draining and oftentimes it’s just not worth it. especially if the person is incapable of self-reflection of any sort since accountability is the result of self-reflection.
the thing is, accountability is scary for so many people. they think if they engage in self-reflection and find out some unpleasant things about themselves, they will be denying their entire identity (who they were) up to this point and their entire history up to this point.
people don’t wanna feel like their whole life was a mistake. so they avoid self-reflection altogether. they wanna keep believing they were in the right, that their entire life wasn’t a series of mistakes.
of course no one’s life is entirely a series of mistakes (mistakes can be wonderful learning experiences) but these people just don’t wanna open that Pandora’s box to begin with. it’s more comfortable to keep it closed.
so it’s not that they are fearful of you, but more so fearful of what they may find out about themselves.
i’m far from perfect myself but life circumstances have made me engage in a lot of self-reflection (not turning away from unpleasant parts of myself, seeing what i can improve etc) and i try to live my life as honorably as i can after all those experiences. there’s already enough pain in the world. i don’t wanna add to it by being a selfish prick.
Its pretty uncomfortable getting into that part of yourself but you also gotta remember you were a child once, come at yourself with compassion. I dont think people know how to do that because they treat themselves how others have treated them.
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Posted by serenidad
what i’ve found is that, calling people out on their questionable behaviors can be downright draining and oftentimes it’s just not worth it. especially if the person is incapable of self-reflection of any sort since accountability is the result of self-reflection.
the thing is, accountability is scary for so many people. they think if they engage in self-reflection and find out some unpleasant things about themselves, they will be denying their entire identity (who they were) up to this point and their entire history up to this point.
people don’t wanna feel like their whole life was a mistake. so they avoid self-reflection altogether. they wanna keep believing they were in the right, that their entire life wasn’t a series of mistakes.
of course no one’s life is entirely a series of mistakes (mistakes can be wonderful learning experiences) but these people just don’t wanna open that Pandora’s box to begin with. it’s more comfortable to keep it closed.
so it’s not that they are fearful of you, but more so fearful of what they may find out about themselves.
i’m far from perfect myself but life circumstances have made me engage in a lot of self-reflection (not turning away from unpleasant parts of myself, seeing what i can improve etc) and i try to live my life as honorably as i can after all those experiences. there’s already enough pain in the world. i don’t wanna add to it by being a selfish prick.
Its pretty uncomfortable getting into that part of yourself but you also gotta remember you were a child once, come at yourself with compassion. I dont think people know how to do that because they treat themselves how others have treated them.
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Posted by neve
Praying for you and your dear son ❤️‍🩹💗

Honestly i've been through a lot of similar situations, i just can't make myself asking for such help that i really needed from friends and family...
Not because i have high ego or something like that...i just understand how money can ruin relationships and i've seen it happened before.
Then there is the martyrdom aspect of being 12th houser and a Pisces moon, i feel i should be the one who helping my friends and family, not the othet way around.

Im 12th house sun and moon (pisces moon)

Im done helping others. I hope you reach that point too. There is no point in it
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Posted by neve
Praying for you and your dear son ❤️‍🩹💗

Honestly i've been through a lot of similar situations, i just can't make myself asking for such help that i really needed from friends and family...
Not because i have high ego or something like that...i just understand how money can ruin relationships and i've seen it happened before.
Then there is the martyrdom aspect of being 12th houser and a Pisces moon, i feel i should be the one who helping my friends and family, not the othet way around.

Im 12th house sun and moon (pisces moon)

Im done helping others. I hope you reach that point too. There is no point in it
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Posted by virgoOPPP
Oh and as for them being fearful? I don't think so but more than one person from what I've heard of rumors thought I was standoffish. Apparently, if not that it's distant or cold. I suppose I never make things easy 🥶🥶
I like to think I'm attentive but respectful but irl I hear about my iciness so often that there must be some truth to it.
For some reason, only Aquas don't seem to think this way about me. Pisceans too oddly and I married a triple Pisces.
Come think of it, when we were first acquainted he said I seemed cold which made me wonder why he even pursued me lol but he realized I'm just shy and awkward.
Did you edit your comment? Lol swore it said something else when I read it hours upon hours ago...
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Posted by virgoOPPP
I've been thinking about this the past couple of weeks (or months? if I'm honest). And this is just my opinion but I feel like most people in their 30s crave friendship more than they used to.
But idk maybe because right after my own marriage, everyone's so busy with their own thing and their own families.
I've noticed this because the woman that do my nails from this spa place and my neighbor who has this fabric business seems like they wanna make friends with me but I'm like content with my Aquarius friends (but they're also busy and married) and I'm kinda scared to commit to new friendships that I might not be able to maintain.
But omg I secretly want more friends if only I wasn't awkward and a Virgo. Like I wrote this one story on some site and somebody commented that they wish I don't abandon it and it scared me off like omg I felt pressured to continue it because I have a fan/follower so I deleted my account. Imagine we could have been friends if only I wasn't whatever this is.
Then I feel like everytime I reach out to somebody I always feel like I'm bothering them or wasting their time which is weird coz those are the usual feelings I've had when I was just starting to date. Like that's what trying to have friends feel like now- dating minus the romantic aspect but with all the anxiety I've associated with it in the past.
But then I got this project where I met this one lady who liked telling me about her life because I listened so attentively and she'd always seek me out until suddenly she got transferred. Then I realized I really should have more friends.
Anyway, I'm gonna try to go get me more friends once I immerse myself on a new project. But alas, it might be weeks before that. I don't know how my husband can take just chatting with distant friends over tech when I actually wanna hang out in person. I have to make myself more forward and shameless. I used to not want to be around physically lol this might be some cosmic retribution.
Lol this must be the one I saw lol sorry its my bed time. Do you have a pisces venus?
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I don't complain about humans being human
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For me I expect people to be fucked up and untrustworthy. I'm still kind and polite to people, but deep down I'm not doing that because I actually care about people. I do it because I want them to put down their guard and show the deeper side of their intentions. The hidden part of them that proves me right. If they somehow prove me wrong however, I feel like I can trust them, and view them as an important asset to keep around and even protect. Good people should be cherished and protected at all costs. Fucked up people can stay exactly where I expected them to stay. Not in my life whatsoever.
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I can relate. I’m starting that journey right now myself. God gave you what you needed in order to bless you. Not for you to give it away to bless others. Have to keep reminding myself of that.
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Posted by HateMeNowIloveit
Posted by serenidad
i’ve called people out on their questionable behaviors and been yelled at, been accused of being “cold and unfeeling” while simply presenting facts, been blocked and then unblocked (lmao), all kinds of crazy stuff etc
i once called out a dude for cheating on my friend repeatedly (a girl) and was told by the dude to mind my own business even though his girl was so depressed that she jumped from the 4th floor of her apartment building. she survived (just ended up with a few broken bones) but i was supposed to just “mind my own business”.
i dragged his ass to the hospital where she was and made him apologize to her. did he change after that? nope. these types of people (narcissists) don’t change.
i was once blocked and then unblocked (lmao) after telling someone to stop expecting people to be a mind reader and start communicating properly 😅 this person had a habit of being passive aggressive (always sending me passive aggressive texts trying to get me to read between lines) and i didn’t think it was in his best interest to keep living like that so i told him to be an adult and just say what he needed to say.
what i’m trying to say is, you can’t change people. unless THEY miraculously have a groundbreaking epiphany at some point in their lives or something and THEY decide they wanna change. if whatever they’re currently doing right now is more comfortable for them, they won’t change no matter what anyone says.


Good on you for doing that. They never change.
I dont make room for anyone now days. I thinknI give em three week grace periods and then im done. People usually have atleast one red flag by then. Im bored of humans if im honest.
click to expand
yeah if you’re someone who is “putting in the work” to heal yourself (which you seem to be from what you’re saying), it’s natural for you to feel frustrated with people who simply won’t “put in the work” to heal or improve themselves as humans. your souls are not on the same path so it’s normal to start drifting apart.

the thing is though, i don’t think every single soul/person is here on earth to grow or evolve. i feel like certain people are just here to show us how *not* to be or here just to live their life however they wish to and they’re just like “screw everyone else. it’s all about me” :/ i mean, i’m sure you’ve met people like that.

some people just don’t have any interest in maturing, just like some people aren’t interested in baseball and whatnot. like maturing is not something they find “fun” or “exciting”. you know what i mean?

and as much as that sucks for the world, that’s also their free will. just like we have our free will.

you may feel pretty jaded right now but i’m sure your enthusiasm for humans will return once you start running into better quality people lol just don’t close off your heart yet. 🙂
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Posted by Advente
Posted by serenidad
i’ve called people out on their questionable behaviors and been yelled at, been accused of being “cold and unfeeling” while simply presenting facts, been blocked and then unblocked (lmao), all kinds of crazy stuff etc
i once called out a dude for cheating on my friend repeatedly (a girl) and was told by the dude to mind my own business even though his girl was so depressed that she jumped from the 4th floor of her apartment building. she survived (just ended up with a few broken bones) but i was supposed to just “mind my own business”.
i dragged his ass to the hospital where she was and made him apologize to her. did he change after that? nope. these types of people (narcissists) don’t change.
i was once blocked and then unblocked (lmao) after telling someone to stop expecting people to be a mind reader and start communicating properly 😅 this person had a habit of being passive aggressive (always sending me passive aggressive texts trying to get me to read between lines) and i didn’t think it was in his best interest to keep living like that so i told him to be an adult and just say what he needed to say.
what i’m trying to say is, you can’t change people. unless THEY miraculously have a groundbreaking epiphany at some point in their lives or something and THEY decide they wanna change. if whatever they’re currently doing right now is more comfortable for them, they won’t change no matter what anyone says.


She is responsible for valuing mutuality and self respect. Why desire to be with the guy who wants to cheat? There are more constructive manners which everyone involved can conduct themselves.
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oh absolutely. 💯 she also played a role in that entire mess and she understands that. i asked her after the incident, “so what do you think you can do in the future to make sure this sorta tragedy doesn’t happen to you ever again?” and she fully understood that she was at fault for enabling him for so long because she had very low self esteem and just wanted to be loved by someone.

it’s good that she didn’t end her life over some dude who would’ve replaced her the next day. 🤷‍♂️

when she jumped, she fortunately landed on a flower bed and a passerby found her within an hour or so and called the ambulance. i only found out after the hospital called my phone. she gave the hospital my number cuz i guess it was easier for her to call a friend instead of her own parents at the time (her parents never really cared much about her. they just saw her as a cash cow.)

she’s doing a lot better nowadays. not as unstable as before.
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You can easily tell who the fucked up souls in this thread and who aren't.

I hope you all find your peace sooner rather than later. 🙏🏼❤️
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no one ever thinks they're the problem... just look at the people in this thread 'relating' LOL, does this seem accurate.
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Posted by serenidad
Posted by HateMeNowIloveit
Posted by serenidad
i’ve called people out on their questionable behaviors and been yelled at, been accused of being “cold and unfeeling” while simply presenting facts, been blocked and then unblocked (lmao), all kinds of crazy stuff etc
i once called out a dude for cheating on my friend repeatedly (a girl) and was told by the dude to mind my own business even though his girl was so depressed that she jumped from the 4th floor of her apartment building. she survived (just ended up with a few broken bones) but i was supposed to just “mind my own business”.
i dragged his ass to the hospital where she was and made him apologize to her. did he change after that? nope. these types of people (narcissists) don’t change.
i was once blocked and then unblocked (lmao) after telling someone to stop expecting people to be a mind reader and start communicating properly 😅 this person had a habit of being passive aggressive (always sending me passive aggressive texts trying to get me to read between lines) and i didn’t think it was in his best interest to keep living like that so i told him to be an adult and just say what he needed to say.
what i’m trying to say is, you can’t change people. unless THEY miraculously have a groundbreaking epiphany at some point in their lives or something and THEY decide they wanna change. if whatever they’re currently doing right now is more comfortable for them, they won’t change no matter what anyone says.


Good on you for doing that. They never change.
I dont make room for anyone now days. I thinknI give em three week grace periods and then im done. People usually have atleast one red flag by then. Im bored of humans if im honest.
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yeah if you’re someone who is “putting in the work” to heal yourself (which you seem to be from what you’re saying), it’s natural for you to feel frustrated with people who simply won’t “put in the work” to heal or improve themselves as humans. your souls are not on the same path so it’s normal to start drifting apart.
the thing is though, i don’t think every single soul/person is here on earth to grow or evolve. i feel like certain people are just here to show us how *not* to be or here just to live their life however they wish to and they’re just like “screw everyone else. it’s all about me” :/ i mean, i’m sure you’ve met people like that.
some people just don’t have any interest in maturing, just like some people aren’t interested in baseball and whatnot. like maturing is not something they find “fun” or “exciting”. you know what i mean?
and as much as that sucks for the world, that’s also their free will. just like we have our free will.
you may feel pretty jaded right now but i’m sure your enthusiasm for humans will return once you start running into better quality people lol just don’t close off your heart yet. 🙂
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Lol I think your right. I'm actually just going to put my enthusiasm on pause because I kind of put myself out there a couple weeks ago I met a really awesome girl and she seemed to really sweet but she kept bringing up the fact that she wanted to have a threesome with me with her husband. I'm not sure if she didn't hear me a hundredth time telling her that I'm not into that. But she kept going so I let her go. I'm just being enthusiastic about my own life and my son. I'm right where I'm supposed to be
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Posted by HateMeNowIloveit
Posted by serenidad
Posted by HateMeNowIloveit
Posted by serenidad
i’ve called people out on their questionable behaviors and been yelled at, been accused of being “cold and unfeeling” while simply presenting facts, been blocked and then unblocked (lmao), all kinds of crazy stuff etc
i once called out a dude for cheating on my friend repeatedly (a girl) and was told by the dude to mind my own business even though his girl was so depressed that she jumped from the 4th floor of her apartment building. she survived (just ended up with a few broken bones) but i was supposed to just “mind my own business”.
i dragged his ass to the hospital where she was and made him apologize to her. did he change after that? nope. these types of people (narcissists) don’t change.
i was once blocked and then unblocked (lmao) after telling someone to stop expecting people to be a mind reader and start communicating properly 😅 this person had a habit of being passive aggressive (always sending me passive aggressive texts trying to get me to read between lines) and i didn’t think it was in his best interest to keep living like that so i told him to be an adult and just say what he needed to say.
what i’m trying to say is, you can’t change people. unless THEY miraculously have a groundbreaking epiphany at some point in their lives or something and THEY decide they wanna change. if whatever they’re currently doing right now is more comfortable for them, they won’t change no matter what anyone says.


Good on you for doing that. They never change.
I dont make room for anyone now days. I thinknI give em three week grace periods and then im done. People usually have atleast one red flag by then. Im bored of humans if im honest.
click to expand


yeah if you’re someone who is “putting in the work” to heal yourself (which you seem to be from what you’re saying), it’s natural for you to feel frustrated with people who simply won’t “put in the work” to heal or improve themselves as humans. your souls are not on the same path so it’s normal to start drifting apart.
the thing is though, i don’t think every single soul/person is here on earth to grow or evolve. i feel like certain people are just here to show us how *not* to be or here just to live their life however they wish to and they’re just like “screw everyone else. it’s all about me” :/ i mean, i’m sure you’ve met people like that.
some people just don’t have any interest in maturing, just like some people aren’t interested in baseball and whatnot. like maturing is not something they find “fun” or “exciting”. you know what i mean?
and as much as that sucks for the world, that’s also their free will. just like we have our free will.
you may feel pretty jaded right now but i’m sure your enthusiasm for humans will return once you start running into better quality people lol just don’t close off your heart yet. 🙂
click to expand

Lol I think your right. I'm actually just going to put my enthusiasm on pause because I kind of put myself out there a couple weeks ago I met a really awesome girl and she seemed to really sweet but she kept bringing up the fact that she wanted to have a threesome with me with her husband. I'm not sure if she didn't hear me a hundredth time telling her that I'm not into that. But she kept going so I let her go. I'm just being enthusiastic about my own life and my son. I'm right where I'm supposed to be
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lol yeah people will really try your patience like that 😅 but for now just focus on yourself and whoever else currently in your life that’s important to you (your son, your family etc) and i guarantee you, your soul tribe (the right people) will find you when you’re being your authentic self. you won’t have to sacrifice your whole identity and sanity to feel loved or appreciated. they’ll pour into you as much as you’re pouring into them or at the very least their presence in your life won’t be leaving you completely empty and simply tired. also don’t let anyone shame you for having morals. they’ll surely try it 😅
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Posted by Advente
Posted by serenidad
Posted by Advente
Posted by serenidad
i’ve called people out on their questionable behaviors and been yelled at, been accused of being “cold and unfeeling” while simply presenting facts, been blocked and then unblocked (lmao), all kinds of crazy stuff etc
i once called out a dude for cheating on my friend repeatedly (a girl) and was told by the dude to mind my own business even though his girl was so depressed that she jumped from the 4th floor of her apartment building. she survived (just ended up with a few broken bones) but i was supposed to just “mind my own business”.
i dragged his ass to the hospital where she was and made him apologize to her. did he change after that? nope. these types of people (narcissists) don’t change.
i was once blocked and then unblocked (lmao) after telling someone to stop expecting people to be a mind reader and start communicating properly 😅 this person had a habit of being passive aggressive (always sending me passive aggressive texts trying to get me to read between lines) and i didn’t think it was in his best interest to keep living like that so i told him to be an adult and just say what he needed to say.
what i’m trying to say is, you can’t change people. unless THEY miraculously have a groundbreaking epiphany at some point in their lives or something and THEY decide they wanna change. if whatever they’re currently doing right now is more comfortable for them, they won’t change no matter what anyone says.


She is responsible for valuing mutuality and self respect. Why desire to be with the guy who wants to cheat? There are more constructive manners which everyone involved can conduct themselves.
click to expand


oh absolutely. 💯 she also played a role in that entire mess and she understands that. i asked her after the incident, “so what do you think you can do in the future to make sure this sorta tragedy doesn’t happen to you ever again?” and she fully understood that she was at fault for enabling him for so long because she had very low self esteem and just wanted to be loved by someone.
it’s good that she didn’t end her life over some dude who would’ve replaced her the next day. 🤷‍♂️
when she jumped, she fortunately landed on a flower bed and a passerby found her within an hour or so and called the ambulance. i only found out after the hospital called my phone. she gave the hospital my number cuz i guess it was easier for her to call a friend instead of her own parents at the time (her parents never really cared much about her. they just saw her as a cash cow.)
she’s doing a lot better nowadays. not as unstable as before.
click to expand

"I need you to love me" is giving her personal responsibility to someone else. It's good to learn people are mirrors, showing us what we need to do when we call it them. Even then notably he is not absolved. Godspeed.
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i agree with you. she hasn’t yet reached that point of being fully content with herself and having rock solid self esteem/self-love. i don’t think most of us have reached that point though since self-love is not exactly a linear process but i think that’s pretty normal.

but we have discussed the importance of never putting one’s life or one’s fate in another person’s hands and the dangers of merging your self-worth and identity with someone else (like, giving up your whole identity to fit someone else’s mold?) i dunno but she said it was hard for her to separate herself from other people because she always relied on validation from parents, friends, boyfriends, people outside of herself etc
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Posted by serenidad
what i’ve found is that, calling people out on their questionable behaviors can be downright draining and oftentimes it’s just not worth it. especially if the person is incapable of self-reflection of any sort since accountability is the result of self-reflection.
the thing is, accountability is scary for so many people. they think if they engage in self-reflection and find out some unpleasant things about themselves, they will be denying their entire identity (who they were) up to this point and their entire history up to this point.
people don’t wanna feel like their whole life was a mistake. so they avoid self-reflection altogether. they wanna keep believing they were in the right, that their entire life wasn’t a series of mistakes.
of course no one’s life is entirely a series of mistakes (mistakes can be wonderful learning experiences) but these people just don’t wanna open that Pandora’s box to begin with. it’s more comfortable to keep it closed.
so it’s not that they are fearful of you, but more so fearful of what they may find out about themselves.
i’m far from perfect myself but life circumstances have made me engage in a lot of self-reflection (not turning away from unpleasant parts of myself, seeing what i can improve etc) and i try to live my life as honorably as i can after all those experiences. there’s already enough pain in the world. i don’t wanna add to it by being a selfish prick.


This right here feels like a curse then gift.

When you got that feeling and want to dig. Im learning ways to say it differently so it's not so painful to speak about those things that are hurting people. Process thier trsuma so they can be free of it.

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Posted by Lostthoughts
Posted by serenidad
what i’ve found is that, calling people out on their questionable behaviors can be downright draining and oftentimes it’s just not worth it. especially if the person is incapable of self-reflection of any sort since accountability is the result of self-reflection.
the thing is, accountability is scary for so many people. they think if they engage in self-reflection and find out some unpleasant things about themselves, they will be denying their entire identity (who they were) up to this point and their entire history up to this point.
people don’t wanna feel like their whole life was a mistake. so they avoid self-reflection altogether. they wanna keep believing they were in the right, that their entire life wasn’t a series of mistakes.
of course no one’s life is entirely a series of mistakes (mistakes can be wonderful learning experiences) but these people just don’t wanna open that Pandora’s box to begin with. it’s more comfortable to keep it closed.
so it’s not that they are fearful of you, but more so fearful of what they may find out about themselves.
i’m far from perfect myself but life circumstances have made me engage in a lot of self-reflection (not turning away from unpleasant parts of myself, seeing what i can improve etc) and i try to live my life as honorably as i can after all those experiences. there’s already enough pain in the world. i don’t wanna add to it by being a selfish prick.



This right here feels like a curse then gift.
When you got that feeling and want to dig. Im learning ways to say it differently so it's not so painful to speak about those things that are hurting people. Process thier trsuma so they can be free of it.

click to expand
the act of self-reflecting is not a gift nor a curse.

to say that it is a gift is to imply that it requires some sorta special skill to engage in it.

it doesn’t require any special, complicated skill. anyone can put their pride and fears aside momentarily and do it. it’s solely up to the individual if they wanna do it or not. even criminals on death row can do it if they really wanted to.

what i’m saying is, if people are jumping off buildings as a result of your selfish actions (like in my friend’s story above), maybe it wouldn’t hurt to engage in a little self-reflection. like, it wouldn’t kill you to pause and be like “damn, maybe i could’ve done a few things differently.”

yeah, she’s the one who jumped but did he have zero involvement in it? no.

and as far as “trauma” goes, most of us have them. having trauma isn’t exactly uncommon.

my strict dad raised me on corporal punishment and i had to deal with an unstable, hysterical mother who was an off-and-on alcoholic growing up. when i meet someone with trauma, i’m just like “damn, welcome to the club 😂”. it’s not something i make a huge fuss about cuz we all went through shit one form or another.

trauma just isn’t a good enough excuse to stay in low vibrational energies and wreak havoc on others with your selfish actions. i’m nice to people who are willing to work through their traumas but not to those who use it as a never-ending excuse for their poor behavior. absolutely not.
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