Abnormal & dangerous (cancer M taurus F)

This topic was created in the Taurus forum by truecancer on Wednesday, March 6, 2013 and has 32 replies.
This is wrong on so many levels however, it happened. Last year I picked up a seasonal job to help pay for my daughters Christmas. I'm a single, sole custody father btw. I met this woman whom I work with who was showing an interest but was married. Because of that I left it at a friendly level. Something happened and she lost her composure at work and confided in me. Her husband had been having affairs the entire time (12 years). She caught him the first time, while she was pregnant 3 months into the marriage. Caught him again a few years back and the night prior didn't com.e home until the morning only to make threats of leaving. She said even though he repulsed her financial situation has made her stuck.I let my guard down because I could relate so well to her situation. I too had been betrayed by my ex.
After that day we started opening up more to each other and feelings were becoming intense. She would stare at me never breaking contact to the point she would be bumping into things. Eventually we went out for drinks and just enjoyed each others company and exchanged numbers. I normally tell people how I feel so easily however somthing about her made me feel compelled to. I opened my heart to her told her I was falling for her way to fast. The feeling was mutual.
Weeks go by and we flirt but do nothing nor should we have. She tells me that her grandmother for Christmas bought her family a trip. I was also going on vacation but, it happened to be the day she was returng. Needless to say we were both upset from the idea. I asked her to make some time for us so we can figure out this mess we created even though neither of asked for this to happen it just did. She kept avoiding the idea. Well that's when I gave her my snapping claw. I told her that she upset me, that I was done with it and was going to find someone to talk to. Unfortunately I was also drunk at the time I texted her that.
We both went our trips and didn't contact one another for the 2 weeks. I came back went out bought some good stationary and poured my heart to her and how sorry I was. I walked into work gave it to her, said I was sorry and left. We talked later on and she felt as if she couldn't trust who I was. Our conversations outside of work were breif if nonexistent. But at work was as if nothing never happened. She still does her gaze at. She never wears makeup, perfume, or does her hair unless I'm there or so was told.
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Last 2 weeks she s ignored any contact outside of work. But acts as if nothing jas changed still at work.Last weekend I asked her if she was annoyed or hated me an her reply was not by anymeans. Last night this other woman whom we work with stated she was texting me to help her with helping her get something done and my Taurus flipped on her in jealously.
I don't want to go to the next level yet. Not Like this anyhow. It has to be the right conditions. What I do want is our bond in friendship back and if any of you Taurus females could she'd some light as to her behaivor would help. This hot and cold has me completely confused. She is so insecure about herself I know. I don't want to be like every other guy including her father who she doesn't talk to and walk away. I care too much unfortunately.
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TrueCancer-
This is common with Bulls and Crabs.
Indirect communication.
Crabs move sideways or retrieve to their shell once they feel rejected, threatened, or slighted.
And Bulls do not communicate at all if there is confusion, hot and cold behavior, lies, or any inconsistency.
My guess? (if she's a True Taurus)
Confusion: Being married, and developing lukewarm feelings for a co-worker. Her home life may seriously be jeopardized.
Hot and Cold Behavior/Inconsistency: Initially you appeared as the warm, comforting soul she was able to confide in, someone she felt safe with, now she sees you as someone who is cold, vengeful, and possibly someone she can no longer trust.
My advice....
The two of you need some time apart. Things tend to steam up pretty quickly with Crabs and Bulls, don't they Tongue....But anyways, she needs to figure out how she's going to proceed with her marriage, is she going to stay in it, or get out of it. She will need some time away from you to do so. If you continue to play the role of 'confidante', she may continue to string you along.
Be sure to tell her this. Don't just leave her wondering why you have retrieved to your shell.
As for the jealous outburst....Not surprising, we're jealous by nature.
At the current time, she may see you as her property.
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Ya I do make her feel good about herself. Even now I still compliment her and she lights up like Kid on Christmas morning when I do. Unfortunately she told me last week that she doesn't believe what I say because she doesn't see it when she looks in the mirror and no one else ever says nice things about her.
I know I have got to stop being her crutch. But I'd feel so much guilt to walk away. Every man in her life including her father have let her down. I don't want to be like them.
She stated in the past that she wants to leave but doesn't know how to. I don't want her to leave her husband for me but rather for herself. Granted I would love to be in the picture afterwards but I feel and always felt she needed to get out for her sake.
As for the other woman. What started out as her needing help outside of work to her flirting and me setting boundrays immediately. Told her my heart is not available and neither am I outside of friendship. Which she understood and respects. But since my Taurus lost her cool she put 2 and 2 together and knows who made me unavailable.
This is going to be hard.
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Thank you ladies for your nonjudgemental insight. I just need to figure a way to back away but in a way that she knows that its because I care rather than not. I will be there when the time comes if it comes. Right now I don't want to be with just anyone anyways so I guess I have time to give. Outside of work I will stop all communication and at work well I will be friendly of course its not like I'm mad with her. But I don't know what information I should disclose to her now. If she knows I'd want t that could be taken different ways.
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Posted by truecancer
But I don't know what information I should disclose to her now.


Tell her the truth. Tell her how you feel about her. But be sure to inform her the two of you will need some time apart to make sense of what the both of you are feeling. She's married, and you will respect her marriage.
This will allow her some time to think without feeling pressured that she has to meet some deadline or ultimatum for being with you.
Bulls hate sudden changes...we only embrace gradual changes.
The interruption of everything including our home life will require some careful consideration.
But due to the fact that she's married to a cheating SOB, has her "I'm fed up" horns up... this Bull may consider processing those divorce papers quickly.
Good Luck!
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Posted by TaureanAries
Oh and the snapping claw? I had a Cancer man do that to me and all it did was drive me away further.



" " " Same Here " "
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Well the jealously in her charged at me last night. She looked upset as I was leaving to come home. So I texted her how beautiful she was and then she said I must of sent that to the wrong person. I mean really I haven't even so much as to give any other woman a compliment. She was upset because I said I had plans last night. Which I did with my daughter to veg out and watch movies. After I tried explaining the I hit the wall.
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The wall meaning she's ignoring me now
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I explained things to her the best I could. I pointed out to her that if me talking to someone is going to make her lose it like she did then she better stop trying to hide behind a glass wall. Because I knownow how much she cares. Sad it had to be found out like this but at least it is good to know. She's being social again. Well as best as she is normally. She's way to shy but I like it.
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Well she started up doing her ignoring thing again out of the blue for the last few days. I tried asking her to explain to me what was going on with no help. She tried to start the night off at work last night as if everything was normal however, I'm hurt and while I was polite, I was distant and couldn't even glance at her. I got home sent her one last text stating that I need an explaination. While I care for her more than anything, that this isn't fair to me and until she has enough respect to do so, I will be not be contacting her anymore. This just hurts to much.
I don't know if I came off harsh but I guess time will tell.
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A typical behavior for taurus woman when she is sad or angry at smth. When she cools off she will stop the ignoring and probably explain you everything. Please don't get hurt
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She had no reason to be mad. She did this before I put my foot down. She's scared. So am I. It's almost ad if she won't talk to me because of the h but won't tell me to leave because she isn't ready to lose me. Well the cake eating needs to end
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It hurts so much shanti. In 34 years I have never had feelings this strong for someone. I really do love her with all my soul.
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This past week has been bad for me. She still hasn't even tried to explain anything. She has been acting very distant but so have I. We are at least polite to each other. Since we work together, I decided to put in my 2 weeks notice tonight. I need to get her off my mind and.being there isn't helping.


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Well last Sunday was the last day there for me. I asked her to say goodbye. She said couldn't because it hurt to much. She never gave an explaination for anything. I feel as if she left this a mess and unfinished.I have to move on even though I don't want to
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@TrueCancer....
I posted this is another Taurus/Cancer thread....
I hope this will give you greater insight on how to proceed with this Bull.
Posted by TaurusBull1977
Cancers and Tauruses can make a good match,
But it depends on the Bull and Crab pairing (the emotionally maturity level of these two signs).
Remember, they're two different people.
This is where most problems lie with Bulls and Crabs.
Bulls want to be pursued (a slow gradual courtship), but at times we rarely verbalize this.
Crabs want to feel loved and secured, but they want YOU to be the one to confirm this.
Seems like both parties want to be pursued, but both parties are too stubborn enough to admit this.



You can either pursue and fight for her....
Or hide in your shell....And leave a two weeks notice at your place of employment.
She's a 'fixed' sign. She will not budge.
Choice is yours.
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She put in her resignation 2 days after I did. She's leaving too.she actually made her last day the same as mine was suppose to be. But I told her I wouldn't be able to come in Saturday due to her leaving a few hours before I could and would be a wreck so staying there after would be bad. I asked if she would spend a few minutes to say goodbye and she said it hurts to much to say goodbye.
I don't want to say goodbye and I told her this. I told her I would always be there for her and do care the world for her. There is nothing left I can do at this point. She has to choose to talk. I won't contact her again. The ball is in her court. She she's in the wrong for leaving this unfinished mess the way it is and appears to of have left it open.
I'll reach out in a month on her birthday and see from there.
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TrueCancer...
When your concerns are approached....is it presented in a passive aggressive way....
Or in a more assertive way.
For a Taurus....
This makes a HUGE difference!
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From what I've read about your interpersonal relationship with your Bull....
She has fallen hard for you...FAST....
Is she confused?
No.
We're quite certain people, we simply trust our instincts.....
However, she may have some doubts about you....

Posted by TaurusBull1977

Hot and Cold Behavior/Inconsistency: Initially you appeared as the warm, comforting soul she was able to confide in, someone she felt safe with, now she sees you as someone who is cold, vengeful, and possibly someone she can no longer trust.


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I approach her with softness
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Posted by truecancer
I approach her with softness


assertive [????s????t??v]
adj
1. confident and direct in claiming one's rights or putting forward one's views
2. given to making assertions or bold demands; dogmatic or aggressive
assertively adv
assertiveness n
Source: Webster's online dictionary
This has to be accomplished through a certain level of consistency.
I think your tactic (although very admirable) is not consistent, and may be a bit more passive aggressive.
I can't speak for all Taureans...
But the consistent and assertive patterns of the other individual has always caused my stubborn @ss to move....
To SAY something...or DO something! smile
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...as for her marriage....
It's pretty much over.
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I have to give her time. When I approach her I try to be as direct and calm.as possible.
I truly believe in my heart she is in love with me. And wants to do so many things to me with me extra. But can't something in my heart she left it open as for not telling me good or bad is she wants to see if she can get out first. We were talking breifly about her new job and she states it pays more and will help her get more financially stable. She said time will tell were she's at. But I think she was hinting at us. I asked her if she loved me and she just me a stare with a slight shy smile but said nothing.

This woman has touched my heart in a way I never imagined possible. I really wish I never met her. At least then I wouldnt know she existed . I can't persue her until she is out her "situation " she won't refer to it as anything else. There is nothing I can do except see how she is every now and then. She isn't responding to the texts I sent her a few days a go I'm leaving it.
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Posted by truecancer

I truly believe in my heart she is in love with me.


TrueCancer---
If you believe this....
Why are you having doubts?
Do you fear that she may choose the 'stability' of remaining with her husband versus pursuing a future with you?
I don't think she's indecisive at all. Just pondering...and planning.
For Bulls, any sudden changes equates to the interruption of everything.
Everything has to be planned, mapped out, methodical...all the "I's" have to be dotted and the "T's" have to be crossed.
Cancers move on an emotional plane.
Tauruses operate on a logical plane.
This is VERY important to remember.
Once she's able to do this....
I'm confident that she will pursue a relationship with you.
Don't 'write' her off just yet. smile
Show her that consistency!
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I have doubts because she won't say it. I see how she feels but never hear it and now seeing it is gone. She doesn't speak to me now. Funny thing about her marriage. I said to her last week. She needs yo accept that its over. And prepare for it. To much damage has been done. Not on my part although I didn't help. But in general. As she said only time will tell.
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Posted by truecancer
I have doubts because she won't say it. I see how she feels but never hear it and now seeing it is gone.


She's an earth sign remember.
We don't verbalize it....we show it.
I'm sure you're fully aware of this.
You feel it.
Posted by truecancer
She doesn't speak to me now. Funny thing about her marriage. I said to her last week. She needs yo accept that its over. And prepare for it. To much damage has been done. Not on my part although I didn't help. But in general. As she said only time will tell.
click to expand


She already knows this.
I'm sure she's no longer in love with him either. That love went out the window a long time ago. Trust me.
But again, she's an earth sign..a 'fixed' one too.
This simply means she will 'stubbornly' try to prevent the 'interruption of everything' from taking place too soon.
Especially the domestic life (marriage, career home and possibly children) it took years for her to build.
She will need time to think.
To plan.
To re-prioritize everything.
To figure out how she will incorporate you in all of this.
The keyword to dealing with a Bull is "Patience' and 'Consistency.'
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We're not impulsive.
We rarely take risks.
This includes our emotions.

Everything we DO is methodical.

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So what do I do then. If I don't give up what's the next step
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Posted by truecancer
So what do I do then. If I don't give up what's the next step


This...
Posted by TaurusBull1977

....But the consistent and assertive patterns of the other individual has always caused my stubborn @ss to move....
To SAY something...or DO something! smile


This is the only way this relationship can blossom....
Assertiveness and Consistency
Pay attention to the words that are bolded.
Posted by TaurusBull1977
Cancers and Tauruses can make a good match,
But it depends on the Bull and Crab pairing (the emotionally maturity level of these two signs).
Remember, they're two different people.
This is where most problems lie with Bulls and Crabs.
Bulls want to be pursued (a slow gradual courtship), but at times we rarely verbalize this.
Crabs want to feel loved and secured, but they want YOU to be the one to confirm this.
Seems like both parties want to be pursued, but both parties are too stubborn enough to admit this.

click to expand


This is the only way to get your affirmation....
And to simply speed up the process.
She's a Bull (as for giving you any other advice), this may take awhile.
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I don't want to appear biased...
I know Cancers will go into their shell at the slightest bit of rejection or non-reciprocation....especially from a non-verbal Taurus who hasn't opened up to you about her feelings.
This can be very challenging.
The only thing that you can do is trust in your instincts (how she feels about you).
Have faith...
And simply proceed from there....
This post was quoted from a Cancer in another Taurus/Cancer thread.
Posted by LunarMaiden

When my Crab nephew went off to college I was not surprised that he received a lot of attention.
And guess who he ended up with, the aggressive girl who pursued HIM.
However, he crushed on the aloof girls who didn't pursue him.


Believe it or not, this is also true for some Bulls.
We secretly 'crush' on men who we want to be pursued by...
But often settle for the ones who pursue us aggressively.
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Well I'm not giving up but am going to disappear for a bit to give her sometime without me in the picture. If she doesn't want to talk then she doesn't want to talk.
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