SugarandSpunk
@SugarandSpunk
8 Years500+ Posts
Comments: 115 · Posts: 788 · Topics: 14
Allowing our Taurus walls to fall down
Posted by SugarandSpunkFor me, it's all of the above that you listed.
Hello fellow Taurus people,
When you're getting to know a guy/girl in the dating world, what does it take for your "walls" to come down faster and allow them in?
Is it the amount of trust that you value the most?
How you feel about the person?
What they have to offer that intrigues you?
The connection/spark/chemistry?
Etc.
For me, I think it's more about the trust and connection. Connection in the sense of how much he makes me laugh, or smile and how it makes me feel. When I'm single( like I am now), I come off as cold and often cringe when a guy hits me up often. If I start to notice myself smiling more often here & there when he texts me good morning, or talk on the phone for hours,etc then I know I'm starting to trust/allow him in and the "wall" slowly starts to go down.
Posted by SugarandSpunkSame here. ?
Hello fellow Taurus people,
When you're getting to know a guy/girl in the dating world, what does it take for your "walls" to come down faster and allow them in?
Is it the amount of trust that you value the most?
How you feel about the person?
What they have to offer that intrigues you?
The connection/spark/chemistry?
Etc.
For me, I think it's more about the trust and connection. Connection in the sense of how much he makes me laugh, or smile and how it makes me feel. When I'm single( like I am now), I come off as cold and often cringe when a guy hits me up often. If I start to notice myself smiling more often here & there when he texts me good morning, or talk on the phone for hours,etc then I know I'm starting to trust/allow him in and the "wall" slowly starts to go down.
Posted by SugarandSpunkIt also takes a palpable connection/chemistry for me to even engage someone. I have to begin to feel that they are genuine and sincere, that his/her interest isn't shallow.
Hello fellow Taurus people,
When you're getting to know a guy/girl in the dating world, what does it take for your "walls" to come down faster and allow them in?
Is it the amount of trust that you value the most?
How you feel about the person?
What they have to offer that intrigues you?
The connection/spark/chemistry?
Etc.
For me, I think it's more about the trust and connection. Connection in the sense of how much he makes me laugh, or smile and how it makes me feel. When I'm single( like I am now), I come off as cold and often cringe when a guy hits me up often. If I start to notice myself smiling more often here & there when he texts me good morning, or talk on the phone for hours,etc then I know I'm starting to trust/allow him in and the "wall" slowly starts to go down.
Lol@ us all agreeing with the original post. It's true tho. That connection/spark/energy is the catalyst.
Thanks for this. Interesting to know how you guys think about this.
Posted by NevermoreLife experiences have taught me to keep my walls up very high. I'm a friendly person in general, but to for me to get super comfortable with someone(a guy) can take either a day or weeks/months, depending on how they make me feel and how attracted I am to them (physically and emotionally). For me it's the personality the matters the most. He has to have an amazing sense of humor and not be super sensitive because I am a very sarcastic person. Back then it used to be so easy to allow people in, but back then it was so much easier for me to fall for traps or be taken for granted.Posted by SugarandSpunkYup this. 🙂 It's getting awkward real fast when a guy is hitting me up. And mainly that trust though.
Hello fellow Taurus people,
When you're getting to know a guy/girl in the dating world, what does it take for your "walls" to come down faster and allow them in?
Is it the amount of trust that you value the most?
How you feel about the person?
What they have to offer that intrigues you?
The connection/spark/chemistry?
Etc.
For me, I think it's more about the trust and connection. Connection in the sense of how much he makes me laugh, or smile and how it makes me feel. When I'm single( like I am now), I come off as cold and often cringe when a guy hits me up often. If I start to notice myself smiling more often here & there when he texts me good morning, or talk on the phone for hours,etc then I know I'm starting to trust/allow him in and the "wall" slowly starts to go down.
Those wall falling down will take a while. while like for the longest time.
click to expand
Posted by jeaneNo problem. I was hesitant to post it since no one was posting anything and was worried that maybe it was too deep/personal, but I knew that eventually someone would reply lol
Thanks for this. Interesting to know how you guys think about this.
Posted by SugarandSpunkPosted by jeaneNo problem. I was hesitant to post it since no one was posting anything and was worried that maybe it was too deep/personal, but I knew that eventually someone would reply lol
Thanks for this. Interesting to know how you guys think about this.click to expand
For myself, it's helpful to get a greater understanding of my own bull. I think as partners we (OK, me) don't grasp the full extent of their feelings and perspective. This gives me an extra little insider info.
Posted by SugarandSpunkconsistency
Hello fellow Taurus people,
When you're getting to know a guy/girl in the dating world, what does it take for your "walls" to come down faster and allow them in?
Is it the amount of trust that you value the most?
How you feel about the person?
What they have to offer that intrigues you?
The connection/spark/chemistry?
Etc.
For me, I think it's more about the trust and connection. Connection in the sense of how much he makes me laugh, or smile and how it makes me feel. When I'm single( like I am now), I come off as cold and often cringe when a guy hits me up often. If I start to notice myself smiling more often here & there when he texts me good morning, or talk on the phone for hours,etc then I know I'm starting to trust/allow him in and the "wall" slowly starts to go down.
What is Trust?
Trust is both and emotional and logical act. Emotionally, it is where you expose your vulnerabilities to people, but believing they will not take advantage of your openness. Logically, it is where you have assessed the probabilities of gain and loss, calculating expected utility based on hard performance data, and concluded that the person in question will behave in a predictable manner. In practice, trust is a bit of both. I trust you because I have experienced your trustworthiness and because I have faith in human nature.
We feel trust. Emotions associated with trust include companionship, friendship, love, agreement, relaxation, comfort.
There are a number of different ways we can define trust. Here are the dimensions of trust and consequent definitions.
Predictability
It is a normal part of the human condition to be constantly forecasting ahead. We build internal models of the world based both on our experiences and what others tell us, and then use these to guess what will happen next. This allows us to spot and prepare for threats and also make plans to achieve our longer-term goals.
The greatest unpredictability is at 50% ; a reliable enemy can be preferable to an unpredictable friend, as at least we know where we are with them.
Definition 1: Trust means being able to predict what other people will do and what situations will occur. If we can surround ourselves with people we trust, then we can create a safe present and an even better future.
Value exchange
Most of what we do with other people is based around exchange, which is the basis for all businesses as well as simple relationships. At its simplest, it is exchange of goods. I will swap you two sheep for one cow. It is easy to calculate the value in such material bargaining. Things get more complex when less tangible forces come into play. A parent exchanges attention for love. A company exchanges not only pay but good working conditions for the intellectual and manual efforts of its workforce.
Value exchange works because we each value things differently. If I have a whole flock of sheep but no milk, then I can do business with a person who has a herd of cows but no clothes. This principle of reciprocity is what binds societies together.
Trust in value exchange occurs when we do not know fully whether what we are receiving is what we expect. When we buy a car, don’t want to be sold a ringer which the seller knows is faulty. When I get advice in business, I want it to be based on facts, not wild opinions.
Definition 2: Trust means making an exchange with someone when you do not have full knowledge about them, their intent and the things they are offering to you.
Delayed reciprocity
Exchange is not just about an immediate swapping of cows and sheep or hugs and kisses. What makes companies and societies really work is that something is given now, but the return is paid back some time in the future. The advantage of this is that we can create a more flexible environment, where you can get what you need when you need it, rather than having to save up for it.
Trust now becomes particularly important, because otherwise we are giving something for nothing. The delay we have placed in the reciprocal arrangement adds a high level of uncertainty which we need to mitigate through trust.
What is often called the ‘golden rule’ is a simple formula for creating trust. ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’ It sets up the dynamic for my giving you something now with the hope of getting back some unspecified thing in the indeterminate future.
Definition 3: Trust means giving something now with an expectation that it will be repaid, possibly in some unspecified way at some unspecified time in the future.
Exposed vulnerabilities
When we trust other people, we may not only be giving them something in hope of getting something else back in the future, we may also be exposing ourselves in a way that they can take advantage of our vulnerabilities. If I buy a car from you and I do not know a good price, you can lie to me so you get a better bargain. If I tell you in confidence about the problems I am having with work, you could use this to further your own career at my expense.
Although the threat of retribution or projected feelings of guilt can counteract your temptation to abuse my exposed vulnerabilities, if you succumb I still get hurt and may still end up with the shorter stick. For our transaction to complete successfully, I must be able to trust that such agonies will not come to pass.
Definition 4: Trust means enabling other people to take advantage of your vulnerabilities—but expecting that they will not do this.
If I put my heart in your hands, I need to know that you will not crush it. That would make me very sad and mad.
Trust is both and emotional and logical act. Emotionally, it is where you expose your vulnerabilities to people, but believing they will not take advantage of your openness. Logically, it is where you have assessed the probabilities of gain and loss, calculating expected utility based on hard performance data, and concluded that the person in question will behave in a predictable manner. In practice, trust is a bit of both. I trust you because I have experienced your trustworthiness and because I have faith in human nature.
We feel trust. Emotions associated with trust include companionship, friendship, love, agreement, relaxation, comfort.
There are a number of different ways we can define trust. Here are the dimensions of trust and consequent definitions.
Predictability
It is a normal part of the human condition to be constantly forecasting ahead. We build internal models of the world based both on our experiences and what others tell us, and then use these to guess what will happen next. This allows us to spot and prepare for threats and also make plans to achieve our longer-term goals.
The greatest unpredictability is at 50% ; a reliable enemy can be preferable to an unpredictable friend, as at least we know where we are with them.
Definition 1: Trust means being able to predict what other people will do and what situations will occur. If we can surround ourselves with people we trust, then we can create a safe present and an even better future.
Value exchange
Most of what we do with other people is based around exchange, which is the basis for all businesses as well as simple relationships. At its simplest, it is exchange of goods. I will swap you two sheep for one cow. It is easy to calculate the value in such material bargaining. Things get more complex when less tangible forces come into play. A parent exchanges attention for love. A company exchanges not only pay but good working conditions for the intellectual and manual efforts of its workforce.
Value exchange works because we each value things differently. If I have a whole flock of sheep but no milk, then I can do business with a person who has a herd of cows but no clothes. This principle of reciprocity is what binds societies together.
Trust in value exchange occurs when we do not know fully whether what we are receiving is what we expect. When we buy a car, don’t want to be sold a ringer which the seller knows is faulty. When I get advice in business, I want it to be based on facts, not wild opinions.
Definition 2: Trust means making an exchange with someone when you do not have full knowledge about them, their intent and the things they are offering to you.
Delayed reciprocity
Exchange is not just about an immediate swapping of cows and sheep or hugs and kisses. What makes companies and societies really work is that something is given now, but the return is paid back some time in the future. The advantage of this is that we can create a more flexible environment, where you can get what you need when you need it, rather than having to save up for it.
Trust now becomes particularly important, because otherwise we are giving something for nothing. The delay we have placed in the reciprocal arrangement adds a high level of uncertainty which we need to mitigate through trust.
What is often called the ‘golden rule’ is a simple formula for creating trust. ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’ It sets up the dynamic for my giving you something now with the hope of getting back some unspecified thing in the indeterminate future.
Definition 3: Trust means giving something now with an expectation that it will be repaid, possibly in some unspecified way at some unspecified time in the future.
Exposed vulnerabilities
When we trust other people, we may not only be giving them something in hope of getting something else back in the future, we may also be exposing ourselves in a way that they can take advantage of our vulnerabilities. If I buy a car from you and I do not know a good price, you can lie to me so you get a better bargain. If I tell you in confidence about the problems I am having with work, you could use this to further your own career at my expense.
Although the threat of retribution or projected feelings of guilt can counteract your temptation to abuse my exposed vulnerabilities, if you succumb I still get hurt and may still end up with the shorter stick. For our transaction to complete successfully, I must be able to trust that such agonies will not come to pass.
Definition 4: Trust means enabling other people to take advantage of your vulnerabilities—but expecting that they will not do this.
If I put my heart in your hands, I need to know that you will not crush it. That would make me very sad and mad.
This '' trust, '' means that you can not say '' truths '' to them, even if it is told directly to them, without gossip. They understand it as '' betrayal ''.
Posted by SugarandSpunk
Hello fellow Taurus people,
When you're getting to know a guy/girl in the dating world, what does it take for your "walls" to come down faster and allow them in?
Is it the amount of trust that you value the most?
How you feel about the person?
What they have to offer that intrigues you?
The connection/spark/chemistry?
Etc.
For me, I think it's more about the trust and connection. Connection in the sense of how much he makes me laugh, or smile and how it makes me feel. When I'm single( like I am now), I come off as cold and often cringe when a guy hits me up often. If I start to notice myself smiling more often here & there when he texts me good morning, or talk on the phone for hours,etc then I know I'm starting to trust/allow him in and the "wall" slowly starts to go down.
I have to be able to trust!!! If they start pouring that life out to me I feel like I've gained their trust so I'll give you some of my story. I have to be able to have awesome conversations with them as well. Trust is what does it for me!!! It opens a whole world of loyalty and building for me.
Posted by littlebubblewhat do you mean ?
This '' trust, '' means that you can not say '' truths '' to them, even if it is told directly to them, without gossip. They understand it as '' betrayal ''.
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When you're getting to know a guy/girl in the dating world, what does it take for your "walls" to come down faster and allow them in?
Is it the amount of trust that you value the most?
How you feel about the person?
What they have to offer that intrigues you?
The connection/spark/chemistry?
Etc.
For me, I think it's more about the trust and connection. Connection in the sense of how much he makes me laugh, or smile and how it makes me feel. When I'm single( like I am now), I come off as cold and often cringe when a guy hits me up often. If I start to notice myself smiling more often here & there when he texts me good morning, or talk on the phone for hours,etc then I know I'm starting to trust/allow him in and the "wall" slowly starts to go down.