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Jun 05, 2017Comments: 9 · Posts: 455 · Topics: 38
I ambushed my boyfriend with my feeling as Applebee's yesterday during happy hour.
I know, I know, I appear to always have the worst timing, but I suppose liquid courage was involved because you Taurus/Taurus Signs are so intimidating and hard to talk to with the stone face, and never reassuring us.
i basically ask him "What next in our relationship"
i told him that i question if he wasn't more with me a lot.... not always, because sometimes i feel like he shows his his love for me, but then other times i question his actions... and the fact there is no words provided for any of it, i get all confused and insure and then i burst on him because if he isn't going to talk then i am. YOU ARE SO CONFUSING
i have a child and i want to one day be a family, maybe another kid, i am 32 so yaknow..... and right now my Taurus comes over and then goes and isolated himself in my room while my son is over her wanting to spend time with me, causing me to feel torn between spending time with my son and spending time with him while he is over at my place when in fact i don't understand why we cant all spend time together. also his lease is up and my lease will be up soon and no talks about moving in together him have been discussed...... correction i ask one time "hey babe, do you see yourself more in my life and his replay was so casual "yeah, but i don't know when though" and he moseys outta the room.
yeah..... MOSSY.
conversation is short(as i can get)
ME: i feel like you don't like Ethan, your tough on him like he's a bad kid (when he is a great kid, just still a sometimes rude, none listening, talk back kind of kid, at times) HIM: no i love ethan, i just think you make too many excuses for him
ME: then why do you come over during the week (when i have my son) and then go an isolate yourself in my room, HIM: because im tired
ME: then why come over when you know this is my time with him HIM: i wanna be with you.
ME: well i love being with you too but why don't you even try to engage with us. why do i have to feel so split into two? like its you or its him. HIM: because im tired.
ME: ok well what do you see, what do you want to happen next for us? HIM: i don't know, im just letting things happen
ME: well i want things. i want to build a life HIM: i thought we were.
ME: not for me, im having to cut my self in half for you all the time between you or ethan and i just really wanna be able to so you and him and i engage together more. as of a couple minutes ago i questioned if you even liked him so there is obvious a lot of feeling im having as to why this is taking so long for you. HIM: well what do you want.
ME: I want to build a life, i want to have a family, i want to be in this with a partner, i don't want keep doing this all by myself, its hard and its lonely and as much as its not your responsibility its what i am looking for and i question if we want the same things.
- he then got really angry, and used his stern voice HIM: im done, that was really rude.
ME: im sorry, im not trying to be rude and im trying to pick my words because i don't want to argue with you but i want you to know how i feel because im unhappy in a away and i don't want to feel this way, im sick of waiting without knowing. we have made no plans, haven't talked about anything we want for our future together, you never talk to me and you always expect me to know what im looking at when i don't know what im looking at.
-i think calmed down , this was not an angry yelling match this was calm and i think respectable because we were in public.
HE: i don't expect you to know what to say right now, im telling you this so you know this is how i feel, this is what i want and i need you to paint me a picture so i know what to expect at some point. because right now i feel like i don't know if i will ever have what i want and i don't want to find that out too late in my life.
we ended it at that.
we left Applebee's separately because i had to go home and be a mom. he texted me good night, he texted me good morning this morning and we have communicated about none related things like a camping trip, and his work... normal.
So i assume that he is ok with the things i expressed to him, i assume he is still in love and i assume him knowing the place that im at and the things that i want aren't that scary for him like i feared. although i know that he is about to sign his renewal lease for another year, so moving in together will have to be revisited another year which is fine because im really curious what happens next with him an my son and me in the middle. im worried that he is going to come over less if at all now, keeping things essentially the way they are. but id love to see the effort, i don't know what i expect but id just know id love to see the effort. also i wonder if he is going to address any of the things i told him, will he paint me a picture or am i just going to be right back in this situation in 6 month when things don't feel anymore progressed.
granted ive had minimal relationships. but the ones that i have in this life time progressed very quickly. i moved in with my sons dad after 3 months and we were together for 8 years. relationships after that we although short 3-6 months, but they guys we so interested that i was in HIS position. and now that im wanting him forever and not really getting the feeling its possible kinda bums me out. i don't want to force it but at the same time i want to force it.
anyways, i just wanted to vent it. re read it a million times.....i would love your feedback. or related stories and experiences.
sorry for the mistypes and spelling errors, im dyslexic
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Feb 07, 2018Comments: 2429 · Posts: 2637 · Topics: 65
I'm realizing from my own experience and from this board that "patience is a virtue" with Taurus men..
Its odd that as a Taurus woman, I like to jump right into relationships and i'm much more assuring and expressive in my feelings
you have been with this guy 2 years now? you seem to communicate well (even if the timing is off), he seem to give you honest direct answers...they are just super and excruciatingly slow moving, sometimes they need poking and prodding (not too much).
I think now that you got that out in the open, he will be more responsive and start slowly painting you that picture...you just can't expect it over night.
HE could have easily just said he doesn't see a future and ended it, but he didn't, hes still in contact he seems to want to be a part of your life..he said "I want to see you" gotta take his word for it.
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Jun 21, 2016Comments: 130 · Posts: 1963 · Topics: 39
Sounds like he's still figuring it out on his end, but still wants to be with you. You need to have a plan in hand, you need to see what point B is from point A, whereas he just wants to be without any plan involved... he just wants to be in the present.
You both have very different outlooks, and I see both perspectives here. Timing is everything though, and you both are in completely different places and are moving in different paces.
However, his actions are what matter. He hasn't left yet, it doesn't seem like any of the things you said scared him off or worried him. It just seems like he was oblivious to your feelings, and it's good that you bought it out in the open. See how he asked you to help paint him the picture? He's pretty much saying, "ok take the lead on this, and I'll follow."
You know your leases are coming up, ask him about the prospect of living together. This will be very telling on where he stands with you and just how much he wants to be with you. Start looking at apartments for all 3 of you, and show him the listings that you see. Start implying that you want to live together with him and see how he reacts. That's how you'll know how in it he really is. Though at the same time, be alert of your feelings, and don't impulsively get your hopes up while you do this. Expect the worse to keep yourself safe in case there is potential disappointment...
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Sep 17, 2014Comments: 22 · Posts: 8048 · Topics: 36
i think you need to push him for the answer you want.
he might not like it since he does have a petulant teenager attitude about him at times but i've found that sometimes i've had to force the issue. you can wait and wait and wait...and wait...but after some time a kind shove is needed and appreciated. they can get stuck in a rut too and need a hand to keep moving even if it is slower than most.
and when i mean push, have clear intentions about what you want. eg want to move in together? give him a date that you would like to see this happen. you need to be specific. don't leave it as a general hypothetical. it will only be kicked into the long grass. determine a reasonable bull like time frame. describe what you picture and what you would like to see happen.
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Jan 27, 2012Comments: 4343 · Posts: 13269 · Topics: 69
What do you bring to the table? Is what you need to think about.
Don't get caught up in the "single (desperate) mom" thinking... "I'm lonely..." "my child needs a father..." "I, I, I, me, me, me..."
Some single mothers give up dating until their children are adults. Some single moms won't ever let a man move in until their children move out. Some single mom's never let a man see their children unless there's a proposal. Some single mom's are lonely but, that's just the way it is. Some people... single, married, dating are lonely.
Don't make your problems his... because you don't share a life. It's your life with or without him. Be strong on your own. Be an asset. Think about what YOU have to offer him.
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Oct 21, 2015Comments: 11066 · Posts: 36034 · Topics: 110
I don’t know about your relationship. But I can tell you that you deserve better than Applebee’s!!
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Jun 05, 2017Comments: 9 · Posts: 455 · Topics: 38
So i asked him a couple days after our talk
he said that he is hear for me, and that i am his life.
but no direction as to what he wants for him self and for me.
do i have to do everything for him? because im not interested in make choice for someone else.
i just want to make choices together or for myself.
as wonderful as it feels to have someone tell me that he is here for me and that im his life.
i just don't feel like its convincing statement. but i suppose with most taurus/Taurus signs, you take what you get and you believe it until provided otherwise
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Nov 10, 2010Comments: 285 · Posts: 30788 · Topics: 649
Think of all you could accomplish if you dropped that weight and actually put your effort into other things.
Jupiter is about to be in sag. Why waste any lead time worrying about a man who cant even carry a conversation.
Gurl. You cant get back the time you've wasted.
You're going to spend another 8 weeks worrying about this man.
You know what I did in 8 weeks???
A standup show and an improv show, while still kicking ass at my full time job.
Set some goals for yourself and watch the men flock to you.
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Aug 16, 2011Comments: 3 · Posts: 7849 · Topics: 52
I think you wasted enough time and this guy isn’t the one. It doesn’t take two yeArs to know and in this case he still doesn’t know. And him being standoffish with your son is a deal breaker.