feeling helpless with a Taurus man

This topic was created in the Taurus forum by rubystar on Wednesday, November 19, 2014 and has 27 replies.
Hi there,
not sure anymore what to do about this Taurus man, feeling helpless ...
we have been together for 2.5 yrs... had some fights etc.. however 2.5 months ago I broke up with him because I just couldn't get anywhere with him during a fight and he didn't stop until exploded and told him we are over.
after that we didn't speak for 7 weeks... I called him cause his dad is sick and he went off at me because i wasn't calling bout us.
anyway we started to talk since then and we kind of said we want to work it out but... he hasn't been acting like he wants to work it out. All he keeps saying that he wants time and space because he is hurt and he is not gonna give me an answer weather we are on or off... he says he doesn't want to hurt me or himself. we speak everyday but its just small talk , i feel so unloved and as if he is slipping away and I feel so insecure about our relationship.
I keep wanting him to let meke now so i know where we stand yet he just keeps getting frustriated with me and not wanting to decide anything yet.
I offered to come to his place and make him food because he has been working hard this week... and he said no because he is too busy... even though he spend most of the time on the phone with me.
when I say I am over this waiting around and i don't want to know he jumps and starts telling me to stop being angry and just keep calm and go slow.
I feeling like i am being played,, I feel insecure I know that.. I don't know what to do,,, if I just let him be we will drift apart... and if I keep at him I am pushing him away.
He just doenst make any effort what so ever. and I find myself like I am chasing him or something.
that's how he is making me feel...I don't know anymore what I need to do .
I know I should get myself together because I feel pathetic.
I know you going to say I broke up with him and hurt him but there was a reason... and now he even said he wants to work at it but he is not showing that.

so I am going crazy..
sorry if I am ranting but I hope I could gt some advice from you, i need to do something bout htis , its killing me.


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Maybe you're looking for him to prove that he wants to work on things too soon. As all of know, Taurus men move at their own pace. You can't force him. I know it's hard but since he did say that he wanted to work on it, why not just give him that time and space to mull things over. After all that you have explained, it's not like you're going to pick up where you left off. Just my two cents.
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Posted by rubystar
I broke up with him,
I just couldn't get anywhere with him
I called him
i feel so unloved
I keep wanting him to let meke now so
i know where we stand
I say I am over this waiting around and i don't want to know
I feeling like i am being played,,
I feel insecure I know that..
I don't know what to do,,, if
I just let him be we will drift apart... and if
I keep at him I am pushing him away.
I find myself like I am chasing him or something.
I don't know anymore what I need to do .
I know I should get myself together because I feel pathetic.
I know you going to say
I broke up



You do know there are two of you in this relationship right?
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Posted by Nala13
Posted by rubystar
I broke up with him,
I just couldn't get anywhere with him
I called him
i feel so unloved
I keep wanting him to let meke now so
i know where we stand
I say I am over this waiting around and i don't want to know
I feeling like i am being played,,
I feel insecure I know that..
I don't know what to do,,, if
I just let him be we will drift apart... and if
I keep at him I am pushing him away.
I find myself like I am chasing him or something.
I don't know anymore what I need to do .
I know I should get myself together because I feel pathetic.
I know you going to say
I broke up



You do know there are two of you in this relationship right?
click to expand


+1
@OP: him moving at his own pace and not compromising is the reason why you broke up with him in the first place. That was unlikely to change in 7 weeks. Taurus is a fixed sign and that aspect in him may change, but very little. It's all about trust with them, but even with that, they will still insist on moving at their pace. So, you either find someone who is more in line with how you see things or you for go your needs and wait to see if he comes around.
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thank you all for your advice, I feel each one of you is on the point....
its true I broke up and what do I want now, him to be all into me... I understand how that comes across, however I am really not expecting that, all I want is to have a mature conversation... I feel that every conversation I have with him hits a brick wall... he becomes a smart ass and quite attacking .. always mentioning how i broke up and took 7 weeks etc....he is constantly going back to negative and not thinking frwd... he seems to be stuck with hating me and reseneting me.
bu t i have to say .. he has stuffed up a lot during relationship.... just little bits and pieces... saying he will do something then not do it... silly things but important when it comes to commitment of the relationship... hence why we fought... he thinks I am not understanding and I blow up ...
I know I cant expect things right away... and I am not but if he is going to say to me.. yes he wants to work it out then act like it, dont just say it so I am around calling him and boosting his ego whilst he takes a piss out of me and keeps taking it out on me..... that's how i feel.
I can say the same thing... I resent things he done.. but I am choosing not if we said we will work it out... yet he still finds it ok to do it to me... even if I say anything he will always say.. oh no thats not as and as braking up.. and everything I do is worse than what he does...
so its just frustriating to be understanding when he is not doing the same...
I keep saying pointing a finger is not going to help and blaming wont do much but he just doesnt seem to get it.
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So you want to stick with someone who belittles you, is unreliable, doesn't know his own mind and is someone you resent?
Yeah. He sounds like a keeper.
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I unerstand Hotbeefy,
thank you for your input.
I think I might just need to let him be, have his time and see what happens.
I think it takes 2 in a relationship and I feel sad that it is what it is but if he needs his time to think then I need to give him that.
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I think I have completely lost him now.... I pressured him ,, Igot angry that he doenst know what he wants right now.. I wanted an answer from him.. yes or no.. becasue i couldnt take the pain not knowing weher we stand.. he wanted to be left alone and with time to progress into better relationship... not like it has been... i pushed and now.. he wont answer my call or reply to my texts... he told me he wants to beleft alone and that I have done the same thing as before and thats why he didnt open his heart, he wanted to see if I will do the same shit and I did.. so now he is not even bothering...
I am heart broken,, I cant belive its done.. I have lost him for good
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Then it was not meant to be.
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Posted by jeane
So you want to stick with someone who belittles you, is unreliable, doesn't know his own mind and is someone you resent?
Yeah. He sounds like a keeper.

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Posted by rubystar
I think I have completely lost him now.... I pressured him ,, Igot angry that he doenst know what he wants right now.. I wanted an answer from him.. yes or no.. becasue i couldnt take the pain not knowing weher we stand.. he wanted to be left alone and with time to progress into better relationship... not like it has been... i pushed and now.. he wont answer my call or reply to my texts... he told me he wants to beleft alone and that I have done the same thing as before and thats why he didnt open his heart, he wanted to see if I will do the same shit and I did.. so now he is not even bothering...
I am heart broken,, I cant belive its done.. I have lost him for good

he belittled the shit out of...who cares if he comes back he's verbally abusive
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He has no balls...
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hello again...
I know you mean he is not being nice.. but I have to admit I havent been either,, I broke up with him everytime we coudln't communicate ... we were both at fault.. I know that is true.
we spoke today and ... he has been saying all along he needs time to think because I hurt him when I broke up with him and blocked him out for 7 weeks. He is saying.. how can I just come back and expect it to all be back to normal when i didnt want to even know not so long ago.. he is saying I didnt care how he felt for those weeks and he gave me time... so why I cant do the same for him now...
he said .. he def needs time to think.. he doenst want to go back to same old arguing etc... he hasn't seen anything diferent so far from me because I kept getting annoyed the way it is now... and he thinks that i need to see how he felt during the 7 weeks when i didnt care how he felt.
he said he loves me and he just needs time...
he said he wants to miss me... he wants to see effort on my part etc.
but i dont know how to do that i feel if I go to him and try he doesnt show anything he is just watching what i do how i behave etc.. it makes me feel insecure. and i f i leave him alone he thinks I dont care.
when i said to him well then does this mean we are moving on he told me no.. he gets cranky if i mention moving on...I feel like he doesnt want me to move on but when i keep saying it he then gets angry and tells me well move on then... he said he is not gong to do anything or put effort in because he wants to see if I will change my ways and be more understanding.
he also said... he just needs to be sure if we get back together its not the same where i break up when we argue etc. he said he doesnt want people laughing at us. he loves me but he cant be going trough that again. he said he is torn and hurt. he tells me he loves me and that he is not saying he is moving on he just needs to think and doesnt want tot alk bout it anymore, yet he tells me he is going out.
i just feel insecure and that he is slippin away and him going out might just make him forget bout me.
I dont know how to go about it anymore.. if i let him be he will think i am careless if i keep at it he gets frustriated, he doesnt want to talk bout it anymore or me pushing him.
i know i have done that and i hate that i have because i feel so insecure now. I dont know what to do.
I sent him a msg saying.. that i understand he needs time and its only fair as he gave me the t
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Why don't you do what he says and give him the time etc he is asking for. Then, see what happens after this.
If you give him that then he can't keep using it. He will eventually come to some kind of decision.
Meanwhile, it will be hard for you but a few weeks of space for both of you might do you good.
I remember I needed space from my bf years ago. He lived in another country and I'd just returned from seeing him for two weeks over xmas. Things had got quite intense and we had had arguments etc. I asked him to give me some space which for me meant thinking time. Thinking time for me to think about him and us but also other things too. I wanted to have space to see how I felt about him. Maybe a few weeks of non contact so out of sight out of mind but not out of heart.
He wouldn't give it to me. The constant 'chasing' and phone calls and texts were pushing me away. I couldn't have my thinking time. He kept asking if I'd had enough time yet after a day etc. Thankfully he was in another country without a UK visa so he couldn't get on a plane and harass me!
At that time I'd done a lot to arrange a visitors visa for the UK so he could visit me instead of me going to him all the time. I saw this as a natural progression to any possible future relationship but he just didn't get it.
In the end I withdrew the visa application and cut him off as I saw that we wouldn't have a future due to his behaviour.
To this day I still get the odd message on facebook from someone he's asked to contact me. I block them all, I block everything I can as I used to still get the odd call from him every few months or so and all this was six years ago!!
Had he backed off when I asked then I may have felt differently after a few weeks. Maybe I wouldn't have. Who knows?
My point to you is give him what he wants or needs and then you know you have done what you can within this relationship. He may snap back to you in a few weeks or he may walk away but you cannot control what happens.
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yes.. I understand @agent, you are right and normally dont have a problem with that... we have been talking for a month now since I came back for him... I get fristriated because... I feel he is giving me mixed msgs... at 1 stage.. he was wanting to work it out, then wanted space then I got crappy and reacted and he withdraw again... then today he is saying he loves me... but wants time... then he tells me off fir breaking up with him and so i need to get it. then he tells me maybe he is not the right man fir me and he is not sure if we can wirk out... he diesnt like the sound of me accepting it all and going on frwd w my life... I tried to telk him nicely .. he jumped and got defensive saying so wat are you saying: you are moving on.. and I was like dont do that... I am going by what I see from you. when i said to him ... i dont know if this can be fixed.. he said.. anything can be fixed... if I could forgive cheating ( not me his ex did that) then you dont know me well. ... then i felt even more confused because i never done anything like that . so i just feel all these mixed msgs from him... I dont know wat I am meant to do.
Then he saz.... I want to miss you ... and i felt a knife trough my heart. It just feels like he is wanting an easy way out. when I asked him.. its ok I understand this is how it is but why cant you just say it.. we should move on : he said... how can i say that. who can say that... to hurt someone... he keeps saying .. it should be obvious...so I am like wtf... then when I accept it he gets crappy and tells me he shouldnt have called me back. .. and wen i said to him.. you allready told me you dont miss me you are going out etc... to me that is like movin on.. he didnt like it and got angry etc.. we ended the ph call and then he called me back after 5 mins to say sorry he got heated and he diesnt want to be kije that. He asked if I was upset and.. told me I should tell him if I am. he was sweet then and said: you can tell me anything.
but I dont know I must be going crazy but so much mixed signals.. dont know if he is just being nice to let me off easy or truly loves me but needs this time. but then i think wouldnt he be worried to loose me too? or he is just a player. or he wants me to put effort and do things now to show him . I told him no matter wat i do now you dont belive me how can I do anything .. thats when I said dont know if this can be fixed... and he responded w if course anything can be fixed, wen I want someth
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... cont...
when i want something I will go and get it.
then he tells i was a hood gf and he never said I was bad but its the fighting its real bad . how i might have lower tolerance than him and he needs to know for sure if I will get angry like that etc.. it feeks patrinizing hin telling me i am a goid person etc its like he doesnt want to hurt me ir something. Its just messing w my head.
he tells ne he is not doing anything to me, and he is not asking anything of me.. he just needs to think... wen i say wat am i to do wait.. he tells me he is not asking me to do that so wen i say ok then should move on he gets angry... i dont get it. its just too hard and i dint know if I am stupid and he is playing me or true. he has kept telling me that he needs to think and I havnt allowed it... he had returned/answered every call of mine... nit so much msgs he saz he is over them.. cuz i texted him lots. he did at one stage during this time text me have a nice day etc but that was more hurting.. its felt out of obligation or something because the vibe was just dead... i cant explain its prob me he was prob trying . he even said to me i know wat you want now nit it cant happen he needs to think.
so how do I know if he is sincere or just playing .. lettin me off ezy and movin on really...
do taurus still spend their energy talking bout it do they say they love you if they dint mean it?
do they feel its over but love you but know its actually no fix anymire even tho they wish dfrntly? so they drift away slowly...
any tauruses that felt such way or can shed some light?
I dont want to move on if there is a chance... because I have to make that decision to move on and then I stick w it that is why I am still trying to see from him first.once I decide that I am gone and right now I feel I dont know wat i should do.. show him .. please him or let hom be... is he saying the truth? dont know.. havnt seen hom fir 2 weeks now.. just talking on the ph.. i feel we will drift apart the way its going. 7 weeks no contact... 5 weeks back in contact.. seen him 2x in 5 weeks but we talk all the time.. mostly bout this and we argue when it gets frustriating so yea.
i hate it Sad
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now I am i secure bout the relationship.. I feel I failed at it.. at being a good partner to him... it hurt me wen he was mean and mot caring but i guess I did hurt him too so cant expect him to be nice bout it.
i now feel quite insecure never was ... in the relationship... it was wen we argued he wasnt nicest so slowly things he would say hurt and I resented him but I know I shouldnt have had an issue w certain things they werent important . I now realize wat I had and took it gor granted.. he woke up in thise 7 weeks of break yp and realised it wasnt right how i was w him at times. so it is my fault but its both of us... he did admit that too that we are both at fault but ... the way we deal w it is not good so thats the only problem. We wanted a future and i had a time on it he didnt like that and kept promising but i kept wanting to know time and so it was frustriaying and exploded. and now its nothing haha...
as for his chart ... I dont really know much bout that... I am a capricorn he is a taurus.
and your right... I must sound selfish fir being so pushy.. he said that too.
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I'd agree with HB about possible water dominant chart. He sounds like my Cancerian ex (first bf) who would pick a fight just so we would make up as it made him feel secure! It was a total mind fuck until about a year in I figured out what he was doing. He got the boot a few months later as it just wasn't worth the constant agro! I was 17/18 he was 20/21. Very young.
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I don't see you're being overly selfish. You're going to identify more with your own point of view anyway.
When I read all the posts I just think wtf is that all about?? It just seems like a lot of hard work between the two of you. I don't mean it's not worth it but it's just a bit of a mess and not clear. It doesn't need to be that complicated.
I recently dealt with a Taurus and in many ways I felt he was shirking responsibility and blaming me for many things which I don't think was entirely fair. I travelled from the UK to the USA to see him (had met before) and I thought all was well. Nothing serious or heavy but just spend time having a laugh and getting to know each other etc. He didn't bother fetching me from airport as he said he would, didn't make effort to see me the next day and then fucked off to LA for the weekend. When I threw my toys out my pram he used that against me to say I was being mean to him. WTF?? After a second time I threw my toys out he for good reason he said he suffered depression and anxiety and it makes him less social and used that to bail himself out. Suddenly I had to be the understanding one of all his woes! I could have been calmer and threw less toys out but really? I'd travelled all that way, 11 hours on a plane and 5000 miles, and he was making it out to be my fault as I wasn't understanding his shit! Who's right and who's wrong?
My point is it might not be your fault and the issue might be with him. Perhaps I see things black and white but I'm too old for other peoples' bullshit.
What do you want and what do you want to do?
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my one would assume things and that fires me up... then I woukd question it and he would fight me... he is not gonna give up in a fight... he never really had a problem w me or complained bout anything I did... but if I brought up anything or felt something he was like wasnt right etc he would fight me pretty good.
tiday he even said... i am not gonna just say nothing wen you fight I will fight you. So I feel he is getting stronger during this and i am getting weaker.. all these things he has been saying recently is making me doubt mysekf etc...
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@agent
i know exactly wat you mean... and Even though I feel i didnt treat him well.. he put more effort in this rekationship wen it cones to seeing me driving to me all the time.. taking me out etc he really did... but I akways felt.. if he is so into me then how come we dont move frwd its been 2 yrs ir 1 yr at the time.. so i didnt place as much efort.. but that was wring because its 2 people... both need to feel loved. so yra now he feels how he was always chasing me and wont do anything niw.
if i can wish right now...
I wish for us to get back together but only if we both want it with knowing that it will take effort in both parts, and then I would show him how i feel bout him and wat he means.
but he said to me he wont out any effirt now and he wants to see from me first he wants to belive that it wint be like b4, but i am like how will i prove that. dont you have to be back working it out fir that to eventuate.
so I am unsure of wat to do...
talking bout it now helps me realise and think things trough.. I am feeling it out... just feel sonething bout it is not right... he is either just being cooky and playing a little cause he can because if how i was or he is real and really hurt ... and really is naking up his mind now which scares me.
so no idea wat I will do ... at this stage havent figured it out yet.
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I know what you mean about wanting a mature conversation! I could barely have five minutes of decent conversation before the Taurus blew up at nothing over nothing. The most defensive person I've ever encountered. Such a shame. I felt so frustrated as I'd not been in a situation quite like that. Sure, I've banged my head against brick walls numerous times but this was totally different. I just kept thinking 'why can't you be normal?? Why can't we just get along like two mid 30's people? I've come all this way and you're just being a fucking idiot!'
I think if you're not feeling too good right now about it all then just step back for breathing space. As HB said, sort yourself out and think about it. He's not going anywhere and if he jumps in with someone else then you have your answer.
In retrospect, I can look back and see things differently now I'm not in the USA in that situation. However, I conclude the same that if this dude was genuinely bothered and interested then he'd have acted that way. Long way to go to find out his words didn't match his actions but at least I had the balls whereas he'd still be sitting on his arse doing nothing!!
Take that time out. Do yourself a favour. Let your feelings relax. It must be stressful for you and he's not giving you any answer (either cos he doesn't know himself or on purpose to string you along) so take yourself out of the situation. If he wants you then he has your number.
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He told me just to listen to him and everything will be ok- meaning to let him be to think etc
I called him today and he told me he was working doing some copywright etc.. when I spoke to him during the day he was ok.... speaking normal and clear.
then i called him at bout 9 at night... just casual...he didnt answer, he called me 20 mins later... sounding drunk/typsy.. I asked him.. what he is up to? he seems to get funny when I ask him that.. he is like why? I am like just asking.. so he saz.. I am with a male.. so I say whats this male name... he tells me his name is michael... and I say.. ok.. cool... so you still working .. but you sound typsy and he tells me so what I can do what i want etc.. I am having couple of drinks.. I ask him .. how will you get home you cant drive..he saz.. i dont know prob taxi.. so I am like ok.. cool... he was very annoyed.. yet he calls me back I just dont get him... he makes me feel like why I am I asking him these questions gets annoyed etc... gets defensive when i ask what he is doing etc...
I didnt ask him if it was a male or female... why is he sooo trying to prove, it makes me think even more? i never said anything for him to have to say it like that.
i feel so shit... i am getting over it.. I dont know am i acting selfish.. is he like this cause I am calling him.. does he just want to go crazy and act single or what?
something to me doesnt add up, how can he be so careless now,if he is over it then just say it to me.. i will accept it.
i asked him.. how can you concentrate when you drunk or typsy working etc... and he just comes back with saying.. I can do what i want etc.. he got rude and I told him why he is being rude, i said nothing bad to him.. I came home and I am crying .. cause i cant take this.
i cant shake it off, i cant let it be and leave him alone , i want to, i hate myself the way I am ... like i am chasing him even tho he treats me like this... but i know I treat him bad, but what i dont get ... why does he say it will all be ok... and doesnt want me to move on but then trets me like this when i speak to him?
when he came after me before I didnt treat him like this.. I never was rude to him for no reason, its like he hates me.

oh god please give me strenght.
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I thought you were going to leave him alone yet you called him twice in one day?
What for?
Ignore him. Leave him alone. It's what he wants.
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Posted by Hotbeefy
Straight Face ...

You are weakened because you need attention, but he gives you rudeness for not leaving him alone instead.


This.
It's really difficult when you received the *leave me alone* from a man.
either the woman will chase or she will take it seriously to leave the guy alone.
The funny thing is that the more he resist her , the more she insist.
To sum up - She damage the chances of getting her man back.



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rubystar,
You will be fine soon. I have a friend who's marriage just ended. She kept chasing her husband and fighting
the marriage thing to be reconciled... Her husband throwing her all those heart breaking insults.
Do I want my friend to be with that husband? No. Sometimes, the only thing that has left you when life goes
wrong is to embrace the reality. Face it with courage. Bounce harder and respect the man's decision.
You can cry out loud. make it louder until you feel pity for yourself. you are not just a woman-you are a woman.
Just walk away and Don't say Good bye.
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hehe.. I just came back to write this... I dont know what happened to me when I woke up today...
but I felt sick in the stomach... knowing that his responses were insulting and I think I finally realized, wtf am i doing.... the only reason I broke up with him previously was because of his ways.. not that I think that was ok, because there is 2 people in relationship and you cant just break up because you have a fight, but I have to say... he didnt fight fair... and had no filter,
i think with time it hurt me and i started losing my self esteem and because he chased me always afterwards I forgave him.. but this morning... after the last night conversation and after having a good cry for why I even let all this happen... etc etc... and why I just couldn't handle it properly I started asking question,, what do i want, and how do i feel about spending the rest of my life with this man,, how would that be and once upon a time I saw that as a blissful picture, now I i dont know... I am not thinking about it no more..
he called me today and started going off at me because I sent him texts, but then I realised, when he chased me he used to call me like 50x and I never treated him like this... he used to text me a lot, but suddenly he acts like he is some king and talked down to me and I just woke up today, and I didnt even want to answer him, and when I did.. i told him to just leave it now... i really didnt even feel like I wanted to talk to him anymore or anything... I just wanted to be left alone ... he of course accused me of playing with him and playing games, and i dont care what he saz now.
and I havn't even thought of contacting him today after that.. I feel numb now. I dont even know why I chased him.. I dont even know how I feel about him now.
I just know i didnt even want to know anymore.
and speaking of the devil, he just called me and keeps going... and I dont want to know.. he doesnt like it when i do the same to him, which i just did.. so anyway.
he just calls to get a raise out of me to say why i sent all these msgs just to keep at it etc etc.
I feel watever now... i would normally be angry or take things to heart what he would say.. but just then,, I was not interested ... not gonna get anxiety over this anymore like I am lost and dont know what I am doing. felt like an idiot.
thanks to all of you and your honest advice, it mad eme think and felt i could talk it out here, and get some real feedback so I am greatful for that a
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