Give My All

This topic was created in the Taurus forum by caligula on Sunday, November 7, 2010 and has 31 replies.
I think one of the reasons why I loathe relationships is that there invariably comes a point where I feel as if I'm putting out more than I'm getting in return. Sometimes it's due to a lack of effort on my SO's part, sometimes it's PMS and at other times, I'm just tired, frustrated or I need a good lay Tongue But no matter what the cause, I occasionally find myself feeling tapped out, unsupported and alone.
The easiest thing would be to lean on others but I suppose as a Taurus, it's much more difficult to tap into the other side of Venus and embody the "pairing" aspects of Libra. Where I should reach out and tell those I care that I am disappointed or need more support, I dig in deep and push forward...alone. As much as I hate to admit it, "alone" is what I do well.
I think what frustrates me most is that from my perspective, the people I care about never have to wonder if I'm in their corner and yet, the sentiment is unrequited. I make room for them in my temple. I create a place for them within me that is decorated with all the finest things, the plushest pillows, warmest fabrics and stocked plenty with the most delectable goodies. I give out what I desire in return and I hope that I leave them with the notion that they are always welcome to share my world.
For the most part, I'm usually content but there are those times when I'm all alone in my beautiful, lush garden or lazing about in my temple where I become saddened by how quiet things are. Where is the laughter, the joy, the attention?
I dunno if I'm just spoiled or resentful? When I put someone first in my life, I take their role seriously. I elevated them for a reason...and not because I'm lesser. And yet, I always feel short changed.
Taurus...the sign of "next." I give my all to another...until I have nothing left to give.
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Posted by caligula

I think what frustrates me most is that from my perspective, the people I care about never have to wonder if I'm in their corner and yet, the sentiment is unrequited. I make room for them in my temple. I create a place for them within me that is decorated with all the finest things, the plushest pillows, warmest fabrics and stocked plenty with the most delectable goodies. I give out what I desire in return and I hope that I leave them with the notion that they are always welcome to share my world.



Ditto everything you said, but especially the above!
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Posted by caligula
As much as I hate to admit it, "alone" is what I do well.



Oh, and this is me to a 't.' But, for the larger part, I don't hate admitting it. It "is what it is."
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i think i'm just being dramatic but I do hate this feeling. the only words i have to describe it are "tapped out." i feel like i'm building a house by myself and every now and again someone stops in and tells me i'm doing a good job but the east wing could've been a little larger.
*grunts*
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hey USC smile
yeah, i know it sucks and it doesn't. i mean, how can i loathe something that i enjoy? sometimes i don't want to be bothered and i like having the option of not being bothered.
at times like these though i do feel like something is lacking. like i'm an empty vessel that needs to be filled up and i guess it's just one of those rare moments when i want everything but "alone." i think i just need some temporary reinforcement and after i've received it, i can go back to being "alone" just fine.
i feel afflicted. i don't have normal chick feelings. DAMN THAT VENUS IN ARIES!
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Hey you! I've been wondering where the hell you've been, but then I thought, hmmm, maybe she's taking a break, I get that! LOL.
Yeah, my Venus is in Aries too, so I get everything you are saying. Very infrequently do I feel that I'm "missing" something. I'm usually really good at being alone. I did like your analogy of building a house and people sporadically dropping through giving a critique, but not doing a damn thing! The thing is, I don't want, nor expect any help, but I feel what you're saying cause it's like, damn mf'er, can't you see I'm working my a $ $ off here, and all you are is dropping through to offer...nothing! I think it's a blessing and a curse being a strong individual. If you are a drama queen/king who is constantly being a martyr, or having personal crises, after personal crises, then it seems that person has a constant barrage of people supporting them, etc, but at the end of the day - I'm just NOT that person. I definitely don't want some pity from people.
I'm rambling now...anywhoo, I completely understand!
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*as a side note, the Packers are beating the ish outta' the Cowboys! *
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Posted by USCTaurusGal
Posted by caligula

I think what frustrates me most is that from my perspective, the people I care about never have to wonder if I'm in their corner and yet, the sentiment is unrequited. I make room for them in my temple. I create a place for them within me that is decorated with all the finest things, the plushest pillows, warmest fabrics and stocked plenty with the most delectable goodies. I give out what I desire in return and I hope that I leave them with the notion that they are always welcome to share my world.



Ditto everything you said, but especially the above!
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I agree. I'm starting to accept that perhaps this whole relationship thing isn't for me. That being that woman on top but alone is a far more feasible future for me. The utter loneliness of that is somewhat comforting. However, I feel like that would be my way of taking the easy path.
I do what I say I would do for people. I give, all I can give asking for nothing in return but hoping that they would reciprocate the sentiment. I tend to promise only what I can deliver, and actually deliver more than I can promise.
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"I tend to promise only what I can deliver, and actually deliver more than I can promise."
Sweetheart, that IS the Taurus way...well, for most of us! We hold ourselves to very high standards and are more critical of ourselves then our worse critics. If being alone means not settling, and living a fulfilling life devoid of a bunch of bulls# $ t, problems and strife - I'll gladly take that any day of the week over a bunch of constant bickering, empty promises, lies, deceit and a bunch of over things that I'm forced to hear about on a day-to-day basis from a lot of my girlfriends. I say, thanks but no thanks - I don't have the patience, time, inclination nor desire to be embroiled in a bunch of crap. Life is too short, and I want to enjoy it as much as I can, without someone sucking the life out of me (either intentionally or unintentionally).
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that should have read, "bunch of OTHER things"
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Yes, there are definitely times where one is the giver but it should rectify itself within a reasonable time. Or maybe the other person thinks they are giving in a way that doesn't reconcile with your definition of giving. If you're feeling 'tapped out', then sit out by all means. Or communicate your needs to your partner (HOLY SHIITE! Commmuni---wha?) There are two kinds of people in this world, givers & takers and the givers have the task of kicking a takers ass once in a while.
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"However, I feel like that would be my way of taking the easy path."
@seeingred -- exactly! solo is what comes naturally to me and i recall reading somewhere that the challenge for taureans is to learn how to relinquish this notion of solitude, capability and learn to depend on another. i think that's why when you look at compatibility tables, taurus only pairs with two other signs well when most others pair with at least 3 or more.
astro-wise, we get on best with virgo and cappies because they're supposedly as capable as we believe ourselves to be. we're simple in that regard. shit needs to be done? git 'er dun! a fellow earth sign can respect this mindset and we respect them in turn.
the funny thing is that as much as taurus is resolute in many areas, it's in the realm of partnership where we are weak. we know how to do all the logistics but the pairing part is innately libra. the NEEDING a man sentiment is a challenge for some of us.
my point is, earlier today i was in an, "i dont want to be bothered" mode. it's not that he did anything wrong but as USC said...

"I don't have the patience, time, inclination nor desire to be embroiled in a bunch of crap. Life is too short, and I want to enjoy it as much as I can, without someone sucking the life out of me (either intentionally or unintentionally)."

^YES! i think this is also why taurus is perceived as boring/peaceful. i dont mind a little drama but tbh, i want a life of ease and simplicity. drama at home, work or play...too much of it and i become a bitch! i resent having to put up with shit and people i can't control BUT whose actions have an impact on me.
if i'm having a great day and i can't get away from your bitching and moaning ass, then who's zoomin who? and we're supposed to be the controlling mofos? wth! this is why i withdraw. to get away from mofos that i can't have put down.

and i didn't watch any games today Sad i know...BLASPHEMY!
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Posted by caligula
this is why i withdraw. to get away from mofos that i can't have put down.


Ain't THAT the damn truth!! HA!
Posted by caligula

and i didn't watch any games today Sad i know...BLASPHEMY!
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WHAT THE HELL!! Sad
Naw, I understand...most people (especially women) are not as obsessed as I am. But, I have to curtail my viewing too; especially if I start getting too angry or upset at some of the playing (Safety not tackling; crappy throws leading to interceptions, just overall poor performances).
I don't mind a tiny bit of drama either, but GOODNESS! And that's surprising coming from a person who gets bored easily. I think that's why a lot of people "do" drama. They get bored, and just start making ish up to fill the time. I say, go exercise; bake a cake; go on a trip; feed the poor - ANYTHING but drama!
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i was working today and didnt have the tv on. i did watch the walking dead though. WOO!
in retrospect, i should've caught a game. a little yelling at the screen would've made me feel better.
as far as drama, i only like the drama i create. if i'm at the heart of it then aphrodite is happy. if someone else is getting venus all worked up, then i'm about ready to smite someone's ass. i had an issue recently where i almost totally told someone to go fuck themselves and then i remembered...waaaaaaaaaaait, waaaaaaaaaait, you can actually get fired from this one. HA!
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@ Mistery--- The thing is, I do communicate. I'm very good at it lol actually pretty blunt yet gentle at the same time. I know how my voice can sound abrasive sometimes when I'm trying to be stern. After communicating this x-need of mine; things go well for a few days/weeks/months. Then it's back to normal. I sit there and think hmmm maybe, it would seem too controlling if I tell the person "you're getting complacent again." So, I let slide and be patient. The thing that irks me about communication and compromise is that some people just don't know how to be CONSISTENT with their end of the deal.
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cont.
Only when I've been spent too much do I close off so I can deal with their complacency again when I return. How long this lasts? I don't know I suppose it depends on how MUCH they've TAKEN. This off-time is my time to regenerate what's been taken and when this happens no one can reach me (the boring Taurus). This is why I keep people at a distance. Friendship doesn't come easy with me. My overall generosity is genuine with people who I don't consider close to me, but that generosity is just the tip of the ice-berg. Imagine the lengths I would go for people in the inner circle? Well I can. And it's abundant. I know it sounds like BS but I "spoil" my close friends and romantic partners more than I really should. And when I do, it's genuine, deliberate, and *I* actually like doing it.
sigh~ maybe I'm just too nice.
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Posted by SeeingRed
@ Mistery--- The thing is, I do communicate. I'm very good at it lol actually pretty blunt yet gentle at the same time. I know how my voice can sound abrasive sometimes when I'm trying to be stern. After communicating this x-need of mine; things go well for a few days/weeks/months. Then it's back to normal. I sit there and think hmmm maybe, it would seem too controlling if I tell the person "you're getting complacent again." So, I let slide and be patient. The thing that irks me about communication and compromise is that some people just don't know how to be CONSISTENT with their end of the deal.




i HATE repeating myself. it's one of my pet peeves. where i am generally soft spoken, when i decide to speak up on a matter, no one should be left with any confusion. i overstate my case because i want to insure that it doesn't happen again and you're right, for a while...all gravy, but then the old habits set in and that's when i'm in wtf!
i'm not trying to be someone's mother. i feel like i'm telling a teenager to clean his room if it's something i've previously discussed. if it bothered me 2 months ago, it damn sure is going to bother me today so wtf are you doing it? and you know, that's probably when the, "better of doing it my damn self" or "better off alone" mentality kicks in. i ain't asking for or begging for shit at that point. i'll do it my damn self.
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This is very interesting, as my girl is a Taurus, and I am the one who feels like I'm trying extremely hard for appreciation and such.
I'm never that caring or giving to people in general because I feel I will never get the appreciation I deserve. I've cooked for my Taurus and bought her wonderful gifts and the reward never seems like enough.
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I am so much better on paper too. This is spot on.

"Writing is like a Kodak moment, it captures that precise emotion, feeling, and euphoric state that your significant other has put you in. I am an extremely shy person. Verbalizing can NEVER quite capture how I feel about the person at that time. My shyness kicks in, my brain turns into mush, and then I lose my train of thoughts.
When I am unable to verbalize how I feel about this person, the only thing I can do is stare at him lovingly ( from a distance...sometimes when he's not looking) watching his movements, his smile, and being self assured that he's MY MAN. Damn how lucky am I?"
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I am the same way. I can definitely communicate much better to someone I am really in to on paper than I can verbally. If I am not really knee deep in love, then I can communicate like a pro. If I fall in love it's like I'm a 16 year old trying understand why the captain of the football likes lil' ole' me. I wouldn't say I am shy per se, but I can really have my shy moments when I am in love; which hasn't happened too often!
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Sorry, I'm typing on my BlackBerry, so I apologize for the missed words too! Good grief!
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That's because your with a useless and pathetic fish. You need a nice pro-active aries man that will treat you nice and buy you flowers.
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Posted by AA
That's because your with a useless and pathetic fish. You need a nice pro-active aries man that will treat you nice and buy you flowers.


get a job!
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Posted by KittyKnitter
terse replies to my questions, misdirections and " if you don't like it, that's tough" kind of attitude




yeah...pretty much



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Posted by caligula
Posted by KittyKnitter
terse replies to my questions, misdirections and " if you don't like it, that's tough" kind of attitude




yeah...pretty much




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This attitude usually happens when my patience has been tested enough that I no longer can handle the persons BS.
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i just posted this in the astrology forum but it pertains to this thread in a lot of ways. some of you have venus in aries and if by chance you also have libra in your chart, check this out...
Aries/Libra axis
Planetary rulers: Mars and Venus
Natural houses: 1st/7th
The Aries/Libra axis concerns the struggle to find the balance between autonomy and compromise, self-assertion and cooperation, respect for the self and respect for the other. Naturally associated with the 1st/7th houses, this is a cardinal, fire-air axis ruled by Mars and Venus, mythic lovers and antagonists in equal measure. It describes the inherent tension that exists in all relationships: the struggle to find a balance between personal freedom and autonomy on the one hand, and the support, approval and appreciation we all need from others on the other hand.
The question is, how can we be independent and focused on the achievement of our own goals, and at the same time find completion and fulfilment in our relationships? Like all apparent contradictions, this conflict can be so uncomfortable that we usually identify with one side or with the other. If this axis becomes particularly polarised, the split-off side can become so powerful that it can start to dominate our lives. For example, if we choose total independence and autonomy, we can end up feeling lonely and isolated, having nobody special in our lives to fight or strive for, and nobody with whom to share our triumphs and disappointments. Ultimately, there is no inherent meaning in being strong and independent and focused in isolation. It is much easier to gain a sense of personal fulfilment and achievement if we are fighting for a principle, such as justice, or on behalf of another person.
On the other end of the spectrum, if we choose to live solely for and through our relationships, we can end up feeling angry and resentful that we have sacrificed our self-development and independence. Say, for example, we are identified with the civilised, cultured Libran end of this axis, with its strong sense of fairness, its love of peace and harmony, and its diplomatic talents. Then, no doubt, we will constantly find ourselves surrounded by extremely selfish people who show no consideration for others. This could well make us extremely angry, and anger, of course, belongs to Aries, not to Libra.
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So we end up acting out the negative aspects of the other side of the spectrum?
Exactly. And of course, neither extreme works at the end of the day. Both sides need each other, so ideally we will find some kind of relationship between them. For example, we know that heroes in mythology are always dependent on the help of others.
Theseus could never have killed the Minotaur in the Labyrinth without the help of Ariadne and her golden thread. Jason could never have stolen the Golden Fleece without Medea's magic, and Perseus could never have rescued Andromeda without the sword and mirrored shield given to him by Athena. It is therefore the support of our partners which not only enables us to achieve our goals, but also gives our achievements real meaning, because they can be shared.
source: http://www.astro.com/mtp/mtpt42_e.htm
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ok, if i look at that chart and the aries-libra oppositions, that's my relationships in a nutshell...
ARIES-LIbRA
The Axis of Relationship
Aries-------------------------------Libra
Self--------------------------------not-self
Me----------------------------------you
Autonomy----------------------------compromise
Self-assertion----------------------cooperation
Desire------------------------------acceptance
Personal goal-----------------------context

with my aqua ex, i was aries. he was air and detached. i felt the ability in and with him to be an individual and follow my own drummer. the problem with this is that i was being myself so much that i forgot to compromise every now and again. i figured, he loves me so why should i change? i thought/felt that me was enough and that he was good enough but my inability to compromise, cooperate and accept a myriad of things ruined the relationship. but i did figure it out and it is through a combination of aries and libra that has resulted in our being friends to this day.
with my leo ex, i was libra. he was fire, he was a lion and he was first. i learned quickly that the lion has to lay with the lamb or risk being eaten so i overcompensated for the lessons i learned with the aqua. i put leo first. i compromised on everything, i sought every means to cooperate, i accepted his bullshit and tried to put everything in context...his context.
so i lost myself. i forgot who i was, what i desired and what my personal goals were. the strong voice i had with my aqua was replaced by meek, peace and an imbalanced "balance." it wasn't until it was over that i began to realize what and who i'd become. with a lion, i couldn't possibly be selfish because he had that covered.
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i learned a lot about myself in both relationships...am i aries or am i libra? what is the balance and by seeking a balance between the two, does that not favor libra? given that i have 3 aries placements and one libra, maybe i should favor libra a little bit?
the point is, i struggle with Catfish. with him, i am both and it gets rather confusing at times. this post was more about libra being angry and as the above passage states, "anger" isn't libra. does this mean i'm angry for not being myself? for not putting myself first more?
could this quite possibly mean that when i feel inner turmoil with regard to my relationship, the answer isn't so much getting him to compromise or him to leave me the fuck alone but rather to recognize that i'm the one who's imbalanced?
with the aqua, i focused so much on me that i forgot about "him/us." i had the chance to bring us closer and without even thinking, i pushed us further apart.
with the leo, i focused so much on him that i forgot about "me." i had the chance to bring us closer by being what attracted him to me in the first place...ME, and instead of focusing on self, i became consumed with him...which pushed us further apart.
i think i'm going to try a different tactic from now on. when i feel myself being resentful or angry, instead of blaming or faulting him, i will gift myself some autonomy. and conversely, when i feel myself being all about myself, when i'm enjoying my autonomy, i think that's a time when i need to check myself and see if Catfish is right there with me.
my point is, if Misery is the main character, then i need to recognize that i'm the King (pun intended).
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^sorry, this THREAD was more about...
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Posted by cutiebullie
i think i'm going to try a different tactic from now on. when i feel myself being resentful or angry, instead of blaming or faulting him, i will gift myself some autonomy. and conversely, when i feel myself being all about myself, when i'm enjoying my autonomy, i think that's a time when i need to check myself and see if Catfish is right there with me.
- you go girl. make it happen. if you want something to work/happen to you, you gotta do something that you've never done. smile



exactly.
i feel like i'm acting out the real life version of the scene where the grinch's heart grows...the jim carrey version (LOVE that movie).
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