Hi Taurus, I am a Scorpio trying to figure out....

This topic was created in the Taurus forum by priorities on Tuesday, June 11, 2013 and has 3 replies.
my Taurus mother. I've noticed what all Taurus have in common, their obvious stubbornness. My question revolves specifically around sadly my biggest and only enemy, my mom who is a Taurus.
When I was a child she was unreasonably aggressive with me and very verbally abusive. I suffered deep depression and a lot of pent up anger.
'Til this day she won't acknowledge it. I'm crazy. I'm the liar. Last thing I read from her was her telling me to fuck off and asking me how many abortions I've had, slut? (I've never even been pregnant, btw). She calls me a slut because when I was in my early twenties I kept a diary of the men I was casually seeing. I had a problem with intimacy. I've been in a relationship for over three years now. But when I turned 21, I did date guys that were around my age and it wasn't too deep, it was more of fwb's because I didn't want to take it to the next level with the guy, because of intimacy issues. So I blasted her back telling her she would only know anything about my life because she read my diary. Secondly, what about her? Growing up from the time I was very lil til my early twenties she would have sex with her lovers and I can hear them!
I do not get the woman.
What I really want to know is is she that oblivious and dense? Or does she somewhere get that she's wrong?
Totally makes sense... I thought that too, that this is not so much astrology. whenever i think of her or i am asked in therapy where my sadness/ depression lies it stays with the trauma of being manhandled as a child. I can't look at it any other way. It sticks with me. It's so irrational. I want to let it go, but I feel like her punching bag.
I should probably look for a blog about this. Ive been wanting to find someone sort of support. It's not that I want to heal my relationship with my mom, at all. I want to heal my relationship with myself. That's what this is all about.
Thanks Guys
I get that... I did that for a while. Not talking to her and everything was and is well in my life. One day I decided to reach out to her, as I have a brother way younger than i that i miss. When I opened up my feelings to her. Boy did she hate that. I told her about my depression that I went through internally.
I love that when it comes to feelings Taurus shut down and say deal with it! Grow up! (not you specifically), but awfully familiar sounding, never-the-less. My view is "Look when I was a child you traumatized me. Why?". But no everything turns into a fight and total defense. Everything but her.
I am fine and I take care of myself in this aspect by attending therapy. My initial thought was why did she do this? who else knows but her? so i ask. I couldnt keep my cool anymore when she started saying (asking) crazy things that made no sense. Or when she spewed about how i only filled her in about my life to make her jealous. And how she lied to me because she didnt want me to know anything about her life but the truth is she is engaged to an attorney, they go on trips, she drives a luxury vehicle. I find it odd because, I was not trying anything with her. I told her the struggles I went through too at times. Which she took as ammunition to try to use as my insecurities.
It just was so long, that these e-mail's arose all these flashbacks of what it was like to be in her presence. I had not been around that sort of person since her. And it frustrated me. I can not have an honest conversation with her with out her being paranoid. It's so frustrating that I feel like banging my head against that wall and I end up "firing" back at her with the actual truth and correcting her about her paranoia.
I like to have conversations with people. And if I say that you hurt me, that's that. I am not looking for her left foot. Just I am sorry for punching you in the nose and bloodying it when you were a kid could make me feel better.
That's what I was hoping for. But I didnt get it, so at least I tried and now I know that I wont know why. And I will figure out another way.
I equate it to staying in an abusive man/wife relationship. Then years after the divorce the victim coming back to the abuser and saying "hey why did you do that? it would really help me to heal to understand". It's nuts!