Love, alcohol, and online dating
This topic was created in the Taurus forum by Capriunicorn on Wednesday, October 7, 2015 and has 6 replies.
My question has a long back story (here's the abridged version lol):
I met my Taurus friend 8 years ago; we bonded immediately and dated casually, but he had a drinking problem. He randomly called me “his girl†but I chalked it up to drunken flirtation. He had legal issues and I had personal issues so I fell back, thinking it was for the best. Months later I ended up with someone else, and we eventually lost contact.
2 years later he found me online—he had just been released from jail due to the legal issues and wanted to see me, even though I was still with someone (which was a volatile relationship--we broke up 2 months later for the good of mankind). We hung out a few times and he admitted that it hurt him when I left because he had feelings for me. He could see us being together if there was still a chance and wanted to tell me before it was too late. I told him I wanted to see where things could go between us but I needed to get my life in order first. Long story short, he was supportive during the entire breakup but then everything went COMPLETELY to hell.
He became distant--he was drinking again, and it was worse this time. When I asked about his feelings he shut down—I distinctly remember him saying, “you were perfect until you disappeared†and leaving it at that. We attempted to hang out but it always went awry and after one really bad incident I told him we didn’t need to be friends.
3 years later in 2014 he found me online—AGAIN. We both apologized, he came around and we talked. We have even more in common, and not only is he on the right track, but he’s completely sober. We were platonic for a few months until he made a move on me and ALL of my feelings for him resurfaced. To be honest, I panicked--I didn't expect it, I didn't want to ruin the friendship again, and I didn't know how to tell him how I felt, so I gradually distanced myself again.
It's been about a year, and last month I joined a dating website and saw that he's on there with intent of looking for a relationship. And he has viewed my profile so he knows I'm there looking for the same. I have wrestled with talking to him about it because I figure if he wanted something with me, he would have said so by now.
So my question is: given our history, would it be wise to lay all my cards on the table and ask if he would like to try again? Or should I just be thankful for a stable friendship and accept it as is?
I met my Taurus friend 8 years ago; we bonded immediately and dated casually, but he had a drinking problem. He randomly called me “his girl†but I chalked it up to drunken flirtation. He had legal issues and I had personal issues so I fell back, thinking it was for the best. Months later I ended up with someone else, and we eventually lost contact.
2 years later he found me online—he had just been released from jail due to the legal issues and wanted to see me, even though I was still with someone (which was a volatile relationship--we broke up 2 months later for the good of mankind). We hung out a few times and he admitted that it hurt him when I left because he had feelings for me. He could see us being together if there was still a chance and wanted to tell me before it was too late. I told him I wanted to see where things could go between us but I needed to get my life in order first. Long story short, he was supportive during the entire breakup but then everything went COMPLETELY to hell.
He became distant--he was drinking again, and it was worse this time. When I asked about his feelings he shut down—I distinctly remember him saying, “you were perfect until you disappeared†and leaving it at that. We attempted to hang out but it always went awry and after one really bad incident I told him we didn’t need to be friends.
3 years later in 2014 he found me online—AGAIN. We both apologized, he came around and we talked. We have even more in common, and not only is he on the right track, but he’s completely sober. We were platonic for a few months until he made a move on me and ALL of my feelings for him resurfaced. To be honest, I panicked--I didn't expect it, I didn't want to ruin the friendship again, and I didn't know how to tell him how I felt, so I gradually distanced myself again.
It's been about a year, and last month I joined a dating website and saw that he's on there with intent of looking for a relationship. And he has viewed my profile so he knows I'm there looking for the same. I have wrestled with talking to him about it because I figure if he wanted something with me, he would have said so by now.
So my question is: given our history, would it be wise to lay all my cards on the table and ask if he would like to try again? Or should I just be thankful for a stable friendship and accept it as is?
If you have similar issues...sure. You know...birds of a feather. If not, then no. It sounds like he has a behavioral pattern that would suck a co-dependent woman dry. Just reading your post, I would never depend on a man like him. Sounds like he has a hard time managing himself, let alone a relationship. He lacks self discipline so a woman will always have to clean him up and clean up his messes.
If you want to be that woman and you know that you can deal with that long term...go for it.
If you want to be that woman and you know that you can deal with that long term...go for it.
"So my question is: given our history, would it be wise to lay all my cards on the table and ask if he would like to try again? Or should I just be thankful for a stable friendship and accept it as is?"
WHY should you do either?
You have instinctively avoided this man for eight years--
your survival imo depends on it, and your better
judgement agrees, wholeheartedly.
WHY should you do either?
You have instinctively avoided this man for eight years--
your survival imo depends on it, and your better
judgement agrees, wholeheartedly.
Yeah, what those guys said ^^^
Signed Up: Oct 29, 2014
Comments: 1 · Posts: 16583 · Topics: 222
Comments: 1 · Posts: 16583 · Topics: 222
Alcohol and online dating don't mix. Not even for love at first sight on this site or another online dating site. ..don't lay on the table with this guy. Time to move on far from that shit.. why put up with stress, can always find someone who is on your level. Whatever level you need to be at now in your life..don't rush...
How long has he been sober?
Whatever you decide to do, dont rush at all.
Whatever you decide to do, dont rush at all.
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