Maintaining Composure

This topic was created in the Taurus forum by moonstruckirongoddess on Wednesday, May 1, 2013 and has 19 replies.
Greetings everyone,
Longtime lurker, first post. Trying not to be too hard on myself for finally breaking down and seeking feedback! I'm a Cancer female who dated a Taurus male for six years, and as a general rule get on famously with the sign. Which is partly why I haven't been too worried about needing to "figure out" the current fella I've been feeling out until now! I mean, I've had plenty of questions and insecurities along the way, but so far telling myself to chill out and not think about it too much has been effective.
Here's the story...I'll start with summary/background, I can elaborate on points of interest if necessary. Then I'll get to what has me on edge!
We've known each other about 12 years. He wandered into my hometown when we were both teenagers (I was still in high school, he was travelling post-high school) and we became friends. He wandered back out of town two years or so later, right after I graduated and he turned 21. We kept in touch over the years, every now and then one or the other of us would search the other out. He now has two children, and the relationship with their mother is pretty rocky and, honestly, downright tormenting. I got in touch with him again about a year ago, and for the first time since we've known one another we are both single and have been for some time. He has moved back to his hometown, all the way across the country, and has been working on re-building his life post final breakup. I'm still in my hometown, doing the same.
We kept in light contact at first, and at one point he messaged me saying he was thinking of moving up here. I pretty much said, "That would be neat, I'd love to see you. Keep me posted as you figure it out.", as I was going through some pretty rough stuff & I wasn't really in the position to assist with something like that. Not surprisingly, he didn't follow through. By the time I talked to him again a couple months later, he had really gotten stable where he was at. At a mutual friends' encouragement after telling them this story, I contacted him again. Right off the bat in the conversation, he asked me: "So, when are you going to grace me with your presence?". My immediate reaction was, "Well, I have some time off in May!", and the next thing I knew the ticket was booked and we're talking 1-3 hours at a time at least once a week. (to be continued)
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So, here we are, just over 2 weeks out from my trip. We had one of *the strangest* conversations we've had to date. He was a little tipsy after having a bad day at work, and a bit all over the place. I pretty much sat there and listened to him talk. It was very revealing on a wide range of topics, actually...maybe I'll get in to those bits later...
What has me twitchy at the moment is that he assured me that he would be picking me up from the airport. He doesn't have a car of his own at the moment, but has access to a couple. I've been patient, wondering if he really had it dialed in or not. Every conversation he has brought it up, reassuring me that he has it handled. Well, during this conversation he says he's having trouble convincing his friend to loan him the car. He then went on to say "It's not time to panic yet" and then to "promise" he would be there and he would make it happen, via plans B,C & D if necessary. All I managed to say was to remind him he's dealing with a Cancer girl, here...to which he said that he knows and that he knows I'll also have my own plans B & C as well. What I meant is that Cancer girl is finally beginning to worry!
Okay, so there is another thing that's got me a pretty freaked, too...At the end of the conversation, he told me that he had talked to his dad and that his family wants to take him out for his birthday (while I'm there). I just said, "oooookayyyy...?" and he said he would be dragging me with him and that, "they don't know about [me] yet", because it hasn't come up and they "don't ask him about those kinds of things". He then went on to say that the ex, "does know about [me]". Along with some instructions on how to conduct myself in front of his family...
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Important details I skipped:
-Airport is 1 1/2 hours away from his home, I get in at 9pm.
-He's a Taurus/Gem cusp, Leo Moon, Venus in Cancer
-I've got a shit-ton of Virgo and Cancer in my chart, and I analyze like hell and worry constantly. I'm actually very proud of myself for not tipping over prior to this!!!
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Are you going to be staying at his place... (insert question mark here)
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I have a bad feeling...
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Posted by PiscVirgAquaFish
"Here's the story...I'll start with summary/background, I can elaborate on points of interest if necessary."


Holy Hell! You sure this is the summary?




LMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOO....
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Posted by PiscVirgAquaFish
"Here's the story...I'll start with summary/background, I can elaborate on points of interest if necessary."


Holy Hell! You sure this is the summary?




Pfft...yes, I'm afraid that was me summarizing! I will happily admit to struggling with being concise at times!
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I'd make my own arrangements for pick up, and book a hotel room.
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@eris: Yes, he insisted. Bad feeling? Please elaborate.
@pvafish: Both, but not sure which is causing the nerves to strike up. I feel like, even though I am fully capable of figuring out how to get from the airport myself, it's reasonable for me to want him to show the effort and chivalry of coming to get me. Besides, he offered and has been insisting the whole time that he will "make it happen".
As to the parents, I'm not worried about actually meeting them or if I'll have any problems making a good impression. I'm just a bit taken back that it's even on the table since he and I haven't seen each other in 12 years! That and HOW he said it, followed by the telling me his ex knows about me (in the same tone).
I've had many moments of freaking out that I'm embarking on this adventure along the way...the feelings right now are similar and I'm trying to remind myself that it's probably just nerves. I still want to keep my head, though!
Thanks ladies!
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Of course there's more to the story, but I'll have to marinate on what is truly relevant and come up with a list. (Hey, at least I used paragraphs, punctuation and grammar...Confused Though I knew it was still gonna be bad! Thanks for hacking through for me!)
Cab isn't a bad idea. I mostly need to come up with what to say to him so he knows I need a solid plan so I can make a decision.
@VB: Plan B is to rent a car and go do my own damn thing in the area...I do want to give him a chance to live up to his word here, but I still have backup PLANS. Up to and including changing gears completely. If he were a complete stranger it would be much different. I would by no means be planning to stay with him.
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I agree he could at least meet you at the airport. I mean if I put in the effort to fly out and see a guy, and he didn't at least meet me at the airport, my vagina would go *clink clink* and lock shut. That would pretty much kill the weekend Tongue. Plus, it shows laziness on his part if he just doesn't make an effort to at least show up to ride back with me to his place.


^^^This^^^
He sounded pretty edgy about the parents, but it wasn't a list. Just a warning that they are super conservative, to which I responded that he had nothing to worry about...I can hang. He just reinforced it by saying not to order any alcoholic beverages unless I see him order one first. ::shrug:: Fair enough, he hasn't been around me in the company of people I feel I should respectfully censor myself around. I am a lady after all, which I think is all he's asking me to be.
As far as him telling the ex first, I'm not surprised because they talk a lot due to having children together. I'm still a little wide-eyed over it, but that's because I don't know WHAT/WHY it is that either her or his parents NEED to "know about" me at this point. He stuck that in there after saying he needed to go to bed, and this was an "oh by the way, before I forget", hit and run style .
I'm really bad at asking questions. I've really reigned in the analytical insanity on this one, though. I totally torched the last relationship that had real potential with it, so I'm being extra aware of the tendency this time.
Yes, Plan A/LDR needs to be addressed but I feel like it won't be until we see each other and spend some time together. We have to decide if we even really like each other more than friends first!
Also, I knew you were joking and I was trying to joke back smile
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Posted by moonstruckirongoddess


-He's a Taurus/Gem cusp, Leo Moon, Venus in Cancer


Taurus with a Venus in Cancer.....
Sounds like the best of both worlds.....smile
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NM as more information came bad feeling could have been pertaining to something else... I can`t elaborate anyway... Just got a bad vibe as I was reading it. Maybe it was gas... who knows.
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Posted by TaurusBull1977
Posted by moonstruckirongoddess


-He's a Taurus/Gem cusp, Leo Moon, Venus in Cancer


Taurus with a Venus in Cancer.....
Sounds like the best of both worlds.....smile

click to expand


Yeah, I'm extremely stoked on this! Big Grin
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Posted by Eris
NM as more information came bad feeling could have been pertaining to something else... I can`t elaborate anyway... Just got a bad vibe as I was reading it. Maybe it was gas... who knows.


I totally understand. Thanks for following up!!!
Truth be told, I feel a hell of a lot better myself. I talked to a friend and realized I'm basically trying to sabotage myself/the situation. He (the friend) said he thinks I'm more afraid he WON'T disappoint me and that I'm looking for reasons/excuses to back out myself. With a little self-reflection I have to admit this is more than a little true. Like I said, the feeling in my gut is the same as when I went to book the ticket... straight-up fear.
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smile
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Posted by Eris
NM as more information came bad feeling could have been pertaining to something else... I can`t elaborate anyway... Just got a bad vibe as I was reading it. Maybe it was gas... who knows.


I'd trust that water sign intuition. They tend to be right when it comes to those unspoken feelings. Call it spiritual discernment maybe?
--heather
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Posted by unbulleaveable
Posted by Eris
NM as more information came bad feeling could have been pertaining to something else... I can`t elaborate anyway... Just got a bad vibe as I was reading it. Maybe it was gas... who knows.


I'd trust that water sign intuition. They tend to be right when it comes to those unspoken feelings. Call it spiritual discernment maybe?
--heather
click to expand


(Not sure if you're referring to me or Eris here, but at any rate...)
I went through a period of extreme disconnect with my watery intuitions, actually. One of the most beautiful things about my communication with this guy is that I feel no need whatsoever to filter or take pause of any kind in my responses with him. He says something/asks a question, and my response is nearly always 100% automatic and I say the precise thing that runs through my head the first time without feeling the need to check it. Likewise, I think of something, and I say it without any hesitation whatsoever. I haven't had that in a long while.
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Posted by moonstruckirongoddess

(Not sure if you're referring to me or Eris here, but at any rate...)
I went through a period of extreme disconnect with my watery intuitions, actually. One of the most beautiful things about my communication with this guy is that I feel no need whatsoever to filter or take pause of any kind in my responses with him. He says something/asks a question, and my response is nearly always 100% automatic and I say the precise thing that runs through my head the first time without feeling the need to check it. Likewise, I think of something, and I say it without any hesitation whatsoever. I haven't had that in a long while.




Sorry moonstruckirongoddess I was referring to the funny feeling from Eris.
How long have you been having this change in your communication?
Id think your Cancer + Virgo would give you a nice ability to use your heart and head together to express yourself.
--heather
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