Possesiveness and Jealousy
This topic was created in the Taurus forum by bittertaurus on Thursday, September 7, 2006 and has 9 replies.
jealousy is a curse to me. i coulden't get anymore taurus, i have a taurus sun, moon and mercury but my rising is a libra. I get jealous only in relationships. i don't get materialistic jealousy, i wish i did only get that because the emotional jealousy is the real killer.
Possessiveness is fine, it shows how much we care and love our partner and friends.
Possessiveness is fine, it shows how much we care and love our partner and friends.
Taurusgirlwithcap
U guessed it right. The possesiveness and jealousy issues are really creating havoc in my life. The cap guy and I were involved for quite some time and now for the past many months we have been giving each other the silent treatment. Well I dont like this silent treatment business since I love talking to the cap and I hav been in a lot of agony just sitting quietly, seething in silence. We stoped talking after this girl who is his good friend, told me that she is crazy about him. I had to let him go after that.
Now,The thing is he knows I am very jealous when he pays xtra attention to other women. And ever since I have been silent he has made me go mad by talking to our mutual friends about the new girl in his life who is supposedly the most amazing thing. I mean I dont get it as to why he would try this shiet when he knows that the jealousy and possesiveness can drive me crazy. So I am venting. I know he is not into the girl cause I know he is very lonely and sad. I dont know how to tell the cap guy to stop what he is doing cause he just keeps running away and makes me feel as if he is unaware of what he is doing.
Capital, capvirgo or any taurus ppl can u give me some of ur perspective on this cap guy's behaviour. How do I remedy the situation?
U guessed it right. The possesiveness and jealousy issues are really creating havoc in my life. The cap guy and I were involved for quite some time and now for the past many months we have been giving each other the silent treatment. Well I dont like this silent treatment business since I love talking to the cap and I hav been in a lot of agony just sitting quietly, seething in silence. We stoped talking after this girl who is his good friend, told me that she is crazy about him. I had to let him go after that.
Now,The thing is he knows I am very jealous when he pays xtra attention to other women. And ever since I have been silent he has made me go mad by talking to our mutual friends about the new girl in his life who is supposedly the most amazing thing. I mean I dont get it as to why he would try this shiet when he knows that the jealousy and possesiveness can drive me crazy. So I am venting. I know he is not into the girl cause I know he is very lonely and sad. I dont know how to tell the cap guy to stop what he is doing cause he just keeps running away and makes me feel as if he is unaware of what he is doing.
Capital, capvirgo or any taurus ppl can u give me some of ur perspective on this cap guy's behaviour. How do I remedy the situation?
I feel your pain bittertaurus - and I assure you that this Cap probably has no infactuations with these other women - though I have to say that it may be the jealousy and insecurity that may be driving him to be this way - he probably admires your independence and other natural down to earth qualities you obviously possess - but at the same time - the insecurity may be the very be the very thing that is driving him away - (I know personally that's one thing that I personally frown upon - though I'll try to work things out with that person otherwise regardless as I'm pretty good at noticing instability in a relationship - but some things are just impossible to resolve) he may be trying to seek advice from other women on how to deal with the situation in your relationship - I'm sure he does care about you dearly but some Caps can find it hard for even themselves to resolve relationship probs (I know I find it hard to maintain even one relationship - esp. one w/ an insecure person as a significant other - no offense but jealousy is an insecurity though I'm sure yknow that of course) But if I were him - but if it's one thing that most any Cap wants in a relationship - it's trust (which may be the reason why he's sad cause he probably does love you but he may feel that his own natural need for independence is being constricting in a way as well - I know I could only take my taurus ex smothering me for so long before I needed a break - (just using that situation purely as an example though) cause from what I've noticed in most Caps that I know (including myself) is that they all crave distance - I love independence - I would love to be in a relationship where I could just do what I gotta do and not have some pointless argument with a significant other about something or another with them thinking I'm gonna like sell my body on the corner or something I dunno - (I've heard some crazy things in the past) while I'm just going to the bank or the store or something - a little confidence and lightening up can go a long way - I hope things do patch up w/ you and your significant other though - I know a little realization and advice can go a long way - I think this is also sort of a reason why Caps sometimes choose to be alone - is because they seem like a hard personality to deal with - we're stubborn, independent, self-sufficient, somewhat isolated, anti-social, I think he may be frustrated and confused on what to do and needs feedback on this situation. Best of luck!
I have one thing to say. Jealousy is NOT something to play with. Making people jealous on purpose is such a stupid thing to do... people don't realize how dangerous that is! Especially for us Taurus, if you're dating a bull take my advice and don't mess around with that... we turn obsessive and sick in the head. Don't blame us when you're six feet under, atleast we'll leave jolly in the mental institution muah ha hahaha
oooops me so krazy... *live
What brought this to mind is that my friends ex is so krazy with jealousy that he killed her dogs, slashed her tires, took her licese plates, almost shot her new bf, broke in her house, tried blowing up her sisters car etc. etc. They were together nine years, and he's a leo... but I did warn her about showing up with a new man so soon after making him leave the house. In a way, I know he's psycho but I understand him. He even implied that he's been cool with her because he hasn't killed her... and I'm going to dare and add "yet" Maybe I'd feel the same way in his shoes.
What brought this to mind is that my friends ex is so krazy with jealousy that he killed her dogs, slashed her tires, took her licese plates, almost shot her new bf, broke in her house, tried blowing up her sisters car etc. etc. They were together nine years, and he's a leo... but I did warn her about showing up with a new man so soon after making him leave the house. In a way, I know he's psycho but I understand him. He even implied that he's been cool with her because he hasn't killed her... and I'm going to dare and add "yet" Maybe I'd feel the same way in his shoes.
Speaking for myself, I had to learn to trust. It took a long time. Finally, and gradually, I started changing my attitude to, if I lose this person to another person, I will live. If I torture myself with obsessive thoughts of deception, then I am removing the joy from the relationship. It's a learned behavior, the new attitude; and it wasn't easy to force myself. But I saw how it destroyed the most important relationship I ever knew (and it took a long time to see) before I realized what happened. Then I just made myself vulnerable. It's scary.
There's this brick wall that goes up and you cannot see around it, over it or under it and you are blinded by your suspicians. It's not pretty. Your man is guilty the moment you have one circumstantial piece of evidence (in your mind, that is). Soon, he may be guilty for real, because you become some kind of animal and he's gone.
One must say to themselves, either it was meant to be or not. If it wasn't, then you are better off out of it. You may cry. (You won't die.) Your pride may be hurt (that's a big one for us Taureans, huh?) But we will live and we will love again. If you are as fortunate/blessed as I have been (so far), the long and winding road will lead you back together in time. (That's not always the way it goes, though.)
Another contributing factor to jealousy/possessiveness, is a forerunning issue of control. We have lots of reasons why we want to control. It's probably a key mode of self-preservation most of all. Can anyone contribute more to this? I'm trying not to control, and luckily my man won't let me this time...ummmmm...he's giving me loving and gentle guidance, as though he remembers before how it was and he is onto me, it and we're trying something else, and he's the one who is going to lead the way. Scary again.
There's this brick wall that goes up and you cannot see around it, over it or under it and you are blinded by your suspicians. It's not pretty. Your man is guilty the moment you have one circumstantial piece of evidence (in your mind, that is). Soon, he may be guilty for real, because you become some kind of animal and he's gone.
One must say to themselves, either it was meant to be or not. If it wasn't, then you are better off out of it. You may cry. (You won't die.) Your pride may be hurt (that's a big one for us Taureans, huh?) But we will live and we will love again. If you are as fortunate/blessed as I have been (so far), the long and winding road will lead you back together in time. (That's not always the way it goes, though.)
Another contributing factor to jealousy/possessiveness, is a forerunning issue of control. We have lots of reasons why we want to control. It's probably a key mode of self-preservation most of all. Can anyone contribute more to this? I'm trying not to control, and luckily my man won't let me this time...ummmmm...he's giving me loving and gentle guidance, as though he remembers before how it was and he is onto me, it and we're trying something else, and he's the one who is going to lead the way. Scary again.
When I first start seeing someone I'm not jealous or even think about them cheating or anything. But as soon as I've made an emotional investment in them, I start to panic or something and all these random, stupid thoughts start entering my head, like them running off with the next attractive girl they see! Really stupid, but it happens every time!! Need to focus my mind on something else next time I think. But it's definitely a Taurus trait and hard to paper over. And it's immensely unattrative, especially when you remember all the stupid things you say to someone *cringe*!!!!!
*cringe*
EXACTLY... that explains so much
It takes a while to get to that point where we don't feel insecure anymore,,,, you know,,,, from a year and on lol I used to be so paranoid with my crabby and oh......my......freak the things I said and did... over something I formulated in my head! And the worst part is that I was SOOOOOOO wrong, have you ever stalked someone who was exactly where they said they were? And were home at the exact time they said they were? And who didn't understand WHAT conversation of a guy and girl was in your voicemail? And when you made the biggest deal in the world about it, they came home only to tell you to calm down and LISTEN to it AGAIN.... Not EVEN close to what he sounds like and not to mention it was a very boring converstation! *sigh* And I will reserve the worst of the worst to myself... *cringe*
That's how I learn to trust people...
lol Freak help me lol I don't do it anymore though as long as I don't detect an ouce of fishiness and my questions are answered with complete and utter honesty! I don't care where he goes as long as he tells me... strip club... I don't care... a party with lots of hot girls... I don't care... if you TELL me like it is... there's no reason for me to feel insecure.
I know he wants ME but sugar-coating something for the purpose of not making me jealous has the exact opposite effect! I think he finally caught onto that plus provides me the info I sooooo crave *drools* Just answer my simple, casual questions... it will keep me from going on a psycho rampage
I don't even trip if he flirts and dances with other girls (I assume he does like any other normal person)... as long as they don't stay in touch afterwards... atleast not go out, we all need our flirts on the side
After being together for so long you get a feel for their routine, where they go, what their friends do, who calls them etc. etc. so as long as you don't detect any weird behavior our alarms won't go off and if they do you can just ask them... it goes through the liar detector in our brain and that's that. So yeah, were pretty laid back after a while.
My worst fault, yesssss. Take it or leave it, can't change it. We just need the right partner to understand us and keep us feeling secure. It's not enough to overshadow the rest of our wonderful bull qualities
EXACTLY... that explains so much
It takes a while to get to that point where we don't feel insecure anymore,,,, you know,,,, from a year and on lol I used to be so paranoid with my crabby and oh......my......freak the things I said and did... over something I formulated in my head! And the worst part is that I was SOOOOOOO wrong, have you ever stalked someone who was exactly where they said they were? And were home at the exact time they said they were? And who didn't understand WHAT conversation of a guy and girl was in your voicemail? And when you made the biggest deal in the world about it, they came home only to tell you to calm down and LISTEN to it AGAIN.... Not EVEN close to what he sounds like and not to mention it was a very boring converstation! *sigh* And I will reserve the worst of the worst to myself... *cringe*That's how I learn to trust people...
lol Freak help me lol I don't do it anymore though as long as I don't detect an ouce of fishiness and my questions are answered with complete and utter honesty! I don't care where he goes as long as he tells me... strip club... I don't care... a party with lots of hot girls... I don't care... if you TELL me like it is... there's no reason for me to feel insecure. I know he wants ME but sugar-coating something for the purpose of not making me jealous has the exact opposite effect! I think he finally caught onto that plus provides me the info I sooooo crave *drools* Just answer my simple, casual questions... it will keep me from going on a psycho rampage
I don't even trip if he flirts and dances with other girls (I assume he does like any other normal person)... as long as they don't stay in touch afterwards... atleast not go out, we all need our flirts on the side After being together for so long you get a feel for their routine, where they go, what their friends do, who calls them etc. etc. so as long as you don't detect any weird behavior our alarms won't go off and if they do you can just ask them... it goes through the liar detector in our brain and that's that. So yeah, were pretty laid back after a while.
My worst fault, yesssss. Take it or leave it, can't change it. We just need the right partner to understand us and keep us feeling secure. It's not enough to overshadow the rest of our wonderful bull qualities
I figured out that the reason why I was so possessive with my crabby in the beginning was because he didn't like me having to know what he was up to. He said he didn't like that, he wasn't a baby and didn't have to respond to anyone.
Ofcourse I'm not trying to be your mother! But I refuse to sit at home and not know what my luver is doing... that's just insane to me. I call and "Whaaa? you're at the casino with your friends?" How about a heads up? Do whatever BUT let me know, how simple. I say that because we spent enough time together so that wasn't an issue at all. The only problem was that he'd get mad if I got mad and questioned him and the more possessive and jealous it made me. What a cycle.
But I'm not about to force myself on anybody, if my luver frowns when I grip then I'm simply going to let go... for good. Doesn't get any more simpler than that. It's all about compromise and keeping the bull feeling secure and happy, if you can do that you'll wonder what happened to the bulls possessive and jealous traits... they won't surface (atleast not without reason, we'll still beat up the chic that checks you out at the bar lol)
Ofcourse I'm not trying to be your mother! But I refuse to sit at home and not know what my luver is doing... that's just insane to me. I call and "Whaaa? you're at the casino with your friends?" How about a heads up? Do whatever BUT let me know, how simple. I say that because we spent enough time together so that wasn't an issue at all. The only problem was that he'd get mad if I got mad and questioned him and the more possessive and jealous it made me. What a cycle.
But I'm not about to force myself on anybody, if my luver frowns when I grip then I'm simply going to let go... for good. Doesn't get any more simpler than that. It's all about compromise and keeping the bull feeling secure and happy, if you can do that you'll wonder what happened to the bulls possessive and jealous traits... they won't surface (atleast not without reason, we'll still beat up the chic that checks you out at the bar lol)
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