Selfish Tendencies
This topic was created in the Most Selfish Zodiac forum by BaBy-GrL414 on Monday, November 2, 2009 and has 18 replies.
I have a question from you Bulls out there...
What I'm noticing about the BUll that i have lived with for the past year and a half is, he isn't too possessive of me (little bit, definitely manageable), but... everything else.. forget about it!
This isn't on a grand scale, more of an irritant.
See, i can't cook anything, buy anything with out him throwing a complete FIT if i decided to give some to anyone else. Here's an example. I made these incredibly good german chocolate sandwich cookies.. what i didn't realize was that because i told him i'm going to bake him some cookies; that meant no one else can have them! This is with EVERYTHING that is ours/his. He said, if they weren't just me, then tell me your baking cookies; not MY cookies. UGH!
One more example!
My cousin came over for a dinner last weekend. She has 2 kids that drive us crazy, yes it's hard to invite her when she brings her spoiled kids, this i understand. Anyway, i asked him to move our Wii to the spare bedroom so we can keep them occupied and out of the adults way. He threw started to pout. HE shouldnt' have to do that to keep her kids busy.. BLAH BLAH BLAH. It's like, umm this will make it easier, so why not? The kids have one so they know how to take care of it. FOr him, it was the principal of it all.
So my quetion is: Is this a common theme with Bulls?
My only problem with it is, i'm the opposite. I have no problem sharing and LOVE playing "Hostest With The Mostest", and he cramps my style .
I dont' think it sselfishness, he is just very protective of our things.
Disclaimer: this isn't a fighting match issue, i'm just curious if other Bulls are like that with their things. And how do i appeal to his not so selfish side in a way that i can get him to relax these tendencies??
What I'm noticing about the BUll that i have lived with for the past year and a half is, he isn't too possessive of me (little bit, definitely manageable), but... everything else.. forget about it!
This isn't on a grand scale, more of an irritant.
See, i can't cook anything, buy anything with out him throwing a complete FIT if i decided to give some to anyone else. Here's an example. I made these incredibly good german chocolate sandwich cookies.. what i didn't realize was that because i told him i'm going to bake him some cookies; that meant no one else can have them! This is with EVERYTHING that is ours/his. He said, if they weren't just me, then tell me your baking cookies; not MY cookies. UGH!
One more example!
My cousin came over for a dinner last weekend. She has 2 kids that drive us crazy, yes it's hard to invite her when she brings her spoiled kids, this i understand. Anyway, i asked him to move our Wii to the spare bedroom so we can keep them occupied and out of the adults way. He threw started to pout. HE shouldnt' have to do that to keep her kids busy.. BLAH BLAH BLAH. It's like, umm this will make it easier, so why not? The kids have one so they know how to take care of it. FOr him, it was the principal of it all.
So my quetion is: Is this a common theme with Bulls?
My only problem with it is, i'm the opposite. I have no problem sharing and LOVE playing "Hostest With The Mostest", and he cramps my style .
I dont' think it sselfishness, he is just very protective of our things.
Disclaimer: this isn't a fighting match issue, i'm just curious if other Bulls are like that with their things. And how do i appeal to his not so selfish side in a way that i can get him to relax these tendencies??
Ok, I don't know if it's selfish so much as we do want what is ours to be ours, and we are pretty generous (well, the Taurus folks I've known). Example (I think I posted somewhere else before) - one of my cousins (the Libra, I seem to talk about her a lot, lol) - In highschool, I would be going to get some fries, and I'd say, "Hey, do you want me to get you something, as I'm going to get some fries on my way to your house?" Her, "Naw, I don't want anything." Me, "Are you sure, because I'll buy them, no problem." Her, "Nope, I'm all good. I'll just eat something here." Me, "Ok." I get there, what do you think happens???? She says, "Ummm, those smell so good, give me some of your fries!" Then, of course we would get into a big fight. This is the person, by the way, who stabbed me with a fork because she said I could have a piece of cake, but later changed her mind, because she wanted it!
In respect to the kids, I can see both sides - you are saying this will give them something to do to stay out of your hair, he's thinking that's their parents responsibility to make sure that the kids are entertained. I'm not saying that he's right and you're wrong or vice versa, but I think it has to do w/upbringing, because when I was a kid, we were taught that kids were to be seen and not heard. Our culture has moved brisquely past this concept, so I think that some have a hard time accepting that a lot of people really don't have any control over their kids and it does make it harder on everyone else, because they have to cater to someone elses kids, when they really shouldn't have to. I have a friend whose son is outta' control. She knows now that if we do something together, it's adults only or I won't be there. I'm not rude about it, but she knows her sone is outta' control and respects that I really don't want to deal w/a screaming and running around 12 year old at home, in a restaurant or in a store. It's embarrasing, and since he's not my child, I have no say in his discipline so I chose to stay away. Since you and your boyfriend live together, he can't go away. I mean, i guess he could, but that wouldn't be fair to him; nor would it be fair to you if he said the kids can't come over.
Long and short - he may be selfish, but I think that moreso, he maybe feels he has no control, which is pissing him off. But, I could be wrong.
In respect to the kids, I can see both sides - you are saying this will give them something to do to stay out of your hair, he's thinking that's their parents responsibility to make sure that the kids are entertained. I'm not saying that he's right and you're wrong or vice versa, but I think it has to do w/upbringing, because when I was a kid, we were taught that kids were to be seen and not heard. Our culture has moved brisquely past this concept, so I think that some have a hard time accepting that a lot of people really don't have any control over their kids and it does make it harder on everyone else, because they have to cater to someone elses kids, when they really shouldn't have to. I have a friend whose son is outta' control. She knows now that if we do something together, it's adults only or I won't be there. I'm not rude about it, but she knows her sone is outta' control and respects that I really don't want to deal w/a screaming and running around 12 year old at home, in a restaurant or in a store. It's embarrasing, and since he's not my child, I have no say in his discipline so I chose to stay away. Since you and your boyfriend live together, he can't go away. I mean, i guess he could, but that wouldn't be fair to him; nor would it be fair to you if he said the kids can't come over.
Long and short - he may be selfish, but I think that moreso, he maybe feels he has no control, which is pissing him off. But, I could be wrong.
I hear you and i agree whole hearted with, actually all that you have said. I think i'm failing at expressing what i mean exactly. Selfish might have been an harsh word to use in hind sight.
About the Wii, LMAO it is "His" i gave it to him for Christmas last year. And it's not about the whole raising family thing cuz we both were raised pretty much out of the same book (except my momma taught me to share!! haha). Trust... you're right.. it was about power and control, he didn't want the kids to use it because it was his. Hell, he won't share his PS3 either as a matter of fact. I mean, he won't even take turns with someone, which i understand cuz i hate giving up the controllers too lol but he will let you use a game.
No this is different, i don't know how to explain it. See, if you needed 20 bucks. If he knows you're good for it (key word "good") he will give you his last dollar - if all his needs are met (which is the smart thing to do). He is generous at his own accord.
You know what??? It might be just with what he knows someone really wants. And he's got it.. so beg if you want it. a light just flashed before my eyes as i'm typing this. He loves LOVES for you to beg for something he has. I know he likes this and i do it alot cuz i know he LOVES it.
i wonder if its something similar to that. He has one up, so how bad do you want what he's got? Hell i dunno. Trying to make sense out of it cuz i'm so different.
About the Wii, LMAO it is "His" i gave it to him for Christmas last year. And it's not about the whole raising family thing cuz we both were raised pretty much out of the same book (except my momma taught me to share!! haha). Trust... you're right.. it was about power and control, he didn't want the kids to use it because it was his. Hell, he won't share his PS3 either as a matter of fact. I mean, he won't even take turns with someone, which i understand cuz i hate giving up the controllers too lol but he will let you use a game.
No this is different, i don't know how to explain it. See, if you needed 20 bucks. If he knows you're good for it (key word "good") he will give you his last dollar - if all his needs are met (which is the smart thing to do). He is generous at his own accord.
You know what??? It might be just with what he knows someone really wants. And he's got it.. so beg if you want it. a light just flashed before my eyes as i'm typing this. He loves LOVES for you to beg for something he has. I know he likes this and i do it alot cuz i know he LOVES it.
i wonder if its something similar to that. He has one up, so how bad do you want what he's got? Hell i dunno. Trying to make sense out of it cuz i'm so different.
^^ haha, that's funny. my taurus guy loves it when i beg him for sex. it's a turn on for him. anything else he could care less.
anyway, i think this could be a taurus thing. the ones i know are like that... with the exception of the one i'm dating. the one i'm dating will share just about anything and everything. they're not as bad as the one ur describing though. hell, they'd be all for sharing the wii if it kept the kids under control and happy.
USC... the thing that disturbs me about ur story is the part about the involvement with the kids. not that it's ur fault but i HATE this ideology that the parents alone raise children. they don't have that saying "it takes a village to raise a child" for nothing. i see all sides, i really do. childless ppl did not bring kids into the world and they feel they shouldn't have to take any responsibility for them. parents should take most of this responsibility. however, that's not real life. parents now-a-days piss me off when it comes to their children and others disciplining them. i'm a mother myself and i encourage responsible adults to reasonably discipline my son if necessary. i want my son to know that his bad behaviors and disrespect towards others will not be tolerated. if i take my son into someone's home and he, for example, starts throwing things, the home owner has every right to put their foot down. i've had to do it with other ppl's kids too. sometimes it's more effective because they know what they can get away with when it's their own parents. i know most of the time when i was little and got caught doing bad things from adults it would scare the shit outta me when they'd confront me.
anyway, i think this could be a taurus thing. the ones i know are like that... with the exception of the one i'm dating. the one i'm dating will share just about anything and everything. they're not as bad as the one ur describing though. hell, they'd be all for sharing the wii if it kept the kids under control and happy.
USC... the thing that disturbs me about ur story is the part about the involvement with the kids. not that it's ur fault but i HATE this ideology that the parents alone raise children. they don't have that saying "it takes a village to raise a child" for nothing. i see all sides, i really do. childless ppl did not bring kids into the world and they feel they shouldn't have to take any responsibility for them. parents should take most of this responsibility. however, that's not real life. parents now-a-days piss me off when it comes to their children and others disciplining them. i'm a mother myself and i encourage responsible adults to reasonably discipline my son if necessary. i want my son to know that his bad behaviors and disrespect towards others will not be tolerated. if i take my son into someone's home and he, for example, starts throwing things, the home owner has every right to put their foot down. i've had to do it with other ppl's kids too. sometimes it's more effective because they know what they can get away with when it's their own parents. i know most of the time when i was little and got caught doing bad things from adults it would scare the shit outta me when they'd confront me.
Posted by ninjamu
^^ haha, that's funny. my taurus guy loves it when i beg him for sex. it's a turn on for him. anything else he could care less.
anyway, i think this could be a taurus thing. the ones i know are like that... with the exception of the one i'm dating. the one i'm dating will share just about anything and everything. they're not as bad as the one ur describing though. hell, they'd be all for sharing the wii if it kept the kids under control and happy.
USC... the thing that disturbs me about ur story is the part about the involvement with the kids. not that it's ur fault but i HATE this ideology that the parents alone raise children. they don't have that saying "it takes a village to raise a child" for nothing. i see all sides, i really do. childless ppl did not bring kids into the world and they feel they shouldn't have to take any responsibility for them. parents should take most of this responsibility. however, that's not real life. parents now-a-days piss me off when it comes to their children and others disciplining them. i'm a mother myself and i encourage responsible adults to reasonably discipline my son if necessary. i want my son to know that his bad behaviors and disrespect towards others will not be tolerated. if i take my son into someone's home and he, for example, starts throwing things, the home owner has every right to put their foot down. i've had to do it with other ppl's kids too. sometimes it's more effective because they know what they can get away with when it's their own parents. i know most of the time when i was little and got caught doing bad things from adults it would scare the shit outta me when they'd confront me.
Ninjamu, I was raised that way and trust in the fact that if I did something wrong at my grandma's house - she busted my a $ $ ; an aunty who might happen by would bust my a $ $ and THEN my mom/dad would bust my a $ $ later. In MY world, everybody was responsible for disciplining the kids, and there was no saying anything (as a kid) about it, it was, what it was. HOWEVER, in todays society, it is completely different - right, wrong or indifferent. People are not allowed to raise their children the way they may see fit, as they may go to jail or have their kids taken from them if some well intentioned neighbor/school teacher, etc, feels that the way they are bringing their kids up is wrong. Anyway, I have God-Children,
**got cut off**
I have God-Children, family members and other friends w/kids and there is no problem w/me disciplining their kids at all - they would be mad if an adult didn't. My family doesn't play when it comes to kids. One of my cousins has 7 kids, and while they are kids and they do kid things - she does NOT play, and those kids are well-behaved. The story I told about this particular friend is that she does NOT want to hear anything bad about her son, nor does she want to do anything about his behavior because she makes excuse, after excuse about this behavior. None of our friends like to be around him, and the few who are (because they have children his age) HAVE talked to her on MULTIPLE occassions and have offered numerous amounts of advice, and to her credit, she has started taking him to a child psychologist, so it may help him one day. Anyway, I don't think that it's fair for people to have to put up with a lot of stuff from children who do not behave, because the parents don't or chose not to do anything about it. In this day and age, you say something to somebody's child, and your a $ $ may end up in jail. I was at a store one day and this little boy around 6-7 was running around the store - totally trashing stuff and breaking the delicate candles, etc. The store lady was probably 70 years old and she said in a not so nice voice that it was very nice of him to destroy stuff in the lovely store; especially since he probably had no intentions/ $ $ to pay for it and that he should STOP breaking things. To which the little boy called her an "old b@tch" and basically told her to mind her own business and continued to terriorize the story and everyone in it. By the way, the mother stood less than 5 ft from her son and this lady during the exchange and said nothing to her son or the woman. The poor clerk in the store was just trying to hurry up and ring the person up so they would get out. After the lady left with her son, the whole store was shocked and amazed that the woman allowed her son to call this elderly lady a b@tch as well as break everything in the store. They asked the store clerk why they didn't do anything, and they said that the woman had been in there before and that the son had broken stuff, and the mother said they shouldn't have things on the floor or so easily accessible as anybody could brush by them and break them. They threatened to call the police, but apparently they didn't follow through with that.
I have God-Children, family members and other friends w/kids and there is no problem w/me disciplining their kids at all - they would be mad if an adult didn't. My family doesn't play when it comes to kids. One of my cousins has 7 kids, and while they are kids and they do kid things - she does NOT play, and those kids are well-behaved. The story I told about this particular friend is that she does NOT want to hear anything bad about her son, nor does she want to do anything about his behavior because she makes excuse, after excuse about this behavior. None of our friends like to be around him, and the few who are (because they have children his age) HAVE talked to her on MULTIPLE occassions and have offered numerous amounts of advice, and to her credit, she has started taking him to a child psychologist, so it may help him one day. Anyway, I don't think that it's fair for people to have to put up with a lot of stuff from children who do not behave, because the parents don't or chose not to do anything about it. In this day and age, you say something to somebody's child, and your a $ $ may end up in jail. I was at a store one day and this little boy around 6-7 was running around the store - totally trashing stuff and breaking the delicate candles, etc. The store lady was probably 70 years old and she said in a not so nice voice that it was very nice of him to destroy stuff in the lovely store; especially since he probably had no intentions/ $ $ to pay for it and that he should STOP breaking things. To which the little boy called her an "old b@tch" and basically told her to mind her own business and continued to terriorize the story and everyone in it. By the way, the mother stood less than 5 ft from her son and this lady during the exchange and said nothing to her son or the woman. The poor clerk in the store was just trying to hurry up and ring the person up so they would get out. After the lady left with her son, the whole store was shocked and amazed that the woman allowed her son to call this elderly lady a b@tch as well as break everything in the store. They asked the store clerk why they didn't do anything, and they said that the woman had been in there before and that the son had broken stuff, and the mother said they shouldn't have things on the floor or so easily accessible as anybody could brush by them and break them. They threatened to call the police, but apparently they didn't follow through with that.
*smh* Damn shame.
I'm a bull and this made me...
LMAO because I get bothered (maybe jealous) if you give someone else something
I ~thought~ was only for me... wth I thought I was special!
AND MAKING ME SHARE *MY* PRESENTS.. no way! I definitely do not like ppl
being generous with MY stuff.
I can't completely explain this behavior but I wouldn't call it selfishness. It's more
like possessive. It's almost a little kid mine-mine-mine type of attitude lol
I know that I am definitely not selfish.. because I'm that person who always
offers to pick up the tab. I always order for two or more and will grab you
something when I see you need it. I never just think of myself unless I'm alone and
the bull men I know are the same way.
Protective, yes, but I think you are somehow exacerbating this tendency in the
bull because you aren't helping him protect his fort.. you're just offering it away!
You may even be causing him some anxiety.. so find some middle ground.
For example, instead of asking him to move the wii. HIS wii, excuse me. You
could consult with him.. "Hey, do you think it would be a good idea to let
the kids play the wii to keep them out of our hair?" An approach like this
will definitely ease him up and have *him* more willing to share
There's my two cents worth of insight.
LMAO because I get bothered (maybe jealous) if you give someone else something
I ~thought~ was only for me... wth I thought I was special!
AND MAKING ME SHARE *MY* PRESENTS.. no way! I definitely do not like ppl
being generous with MY stuff.
I can't completely explain this behavior but I wouldn't call it selfishness. It's more
like possessive. It's almost a little kid mine-mine-mine type of attitude lol
I know that I am definitely not selfish.. because I'm that person who always
offers to pick up the tab. I always order for two or more and will grab you
something when I see you need it. I never just think of myself unless I'm alone and
the bull men I know are the same way.
Protective, yes, but I think you are somehow exacerbating this tendency in the
bull because you aren't helping him protect his fort.. you're just offering it away!
You may even be causing him some anxiety.. so find some middle ground.
For example, instead of asking him to move the wii. HIS wii, excuse me. You
could consult with him.. "Hey, do you think it would be a good idea to let
the kids play the wii to keep them out of our hair?" An approach like this
will definitely ease him up and have *him* more willing to share
There's my two cents worth of insight.
Aww you made him cookies 
Raining Peanuts you're funny! I swear he wrote that and not you! That is how he acts. And no i don't have a "problem" with it, i just need himm to bend a lil more for me LMAO
"For example, instead of asking him to move the wii. HIS wii, excuse me. You
could consult with him.. "Hey, do you think it would be a good idea to let
the kids play the wii to keep them out of our hair?" An approach like this
will definitely ease him up and have *him* more willing to share"
I have learned on most fronts how to appeal to his "generous" nature like you suggested. And, yes it has worked like a charm for most things. I going to try a couple different strategies per your suggestion. I really appreciate what you have said cuz it's not just a HIM thing, i beleive you you were describing this is really how he thinks and feels and i can't fault him for that at all.
I just got to figure out how to still be hostest with the mostest where he doesn't feel like i'm giving away the house and the farm.
"For example, instead of asking him to move the wii. HIS wii, excuse me. You
could consult with him.. "Hey, do you think it would be a good idea to let
the kids play the wii to keep them out of our hair?" An approach like this
will definitely ease him up and have *him* more willing to share"
I have learned on most fronts how to appeal to his "generous" nature like you suggested. And, yes it has worked like a charm for most things. I going to try a couple different strategies per your suggestion. I really appreciate what you have said cuz it's not just a HIM thing, i beleive you you were describing this is really how he thinks and feels and i can't fault him for that at all.
I just got to figure out how to still be hostest with the mostest where he doesn't feel like i'm giving away the house and the farm.
enfant... i cook/bake my ass off for him. I love to cook.. he loves to eat.. Works out beautifully. 
Especially when i show chocolate... he does all kindsa tricks LMAO
Especially when i show chocolate... he does all kindsa tricks LMAOHappy to hear you can understand your partners bullish mentality.
You implement those strategies.. it can't be too hard, especially if you're baking
him cookies and bringing chocolate into the mix! yummm he won't even know what
hit him!
You implement those strategies.. it can't be too hard, especially if you're baking
him cookies and bringing chocolate into the mix! yummm he won't even know what
hit him!
Posted by BaBy-GrL414
Especially when i show chocolate... he does all kindsa tricks LMAO
Hahahaha..
Oh I bet
My bull is one of the more selfish people I know and it becomes a big issue in our house.
Regarding the sweets thing, I think that's because a lot of bulls have a huge sweet tooth, mine does. He just wants them all to himself, so I see that as pretty normal and harmless. Things like him being late to everything and in his own little world all the time make him selfish to me as well.
My bull sister is pretty damn selfish too. What's hers is hers and that's it.
It helps when I point out his selfishness to him. Once he hears it outloud, that seems to help.
Regarding the sweets thing, I think that's because a lot of bulls have a huge sweet tooth, mine does. He just wants them all to himself, so I see that as pretty normal and harmless. Things like him being late to everything and in his own little world all the time make him selfish to me as well.
My bull sister is pretty damn selfish too. What's hers is hers and that's it.
It helps when I point out his selfishness to him. Once he hears it outloud, that seems to help.
Posted by BellaBulleautiful
I'm never late for anything.that's not true,I'm RARELY late for anything.
I think being a mother,I gave up having anything of my own to be selfish over many years ago..... heck they have their own bathroom upstairs,and they STILL come down and use mine!
Word! I am RARELY late; I can NOT stand being late. Period. My mom (Gemini) is ALWAYS late, my dad (Aries/Taurus Cusp) doesn't like to be late, but doesn't like to be excessively early either - right on time.
As for selfishness, people can call it what they want, but I do a lot for my friends and family members, but there are just some things I want to myself; especially if I've OFFERED to get you your OWN!
@ Bella - that's cute that they still use your bathroom
I can't stand sharing bathrooms w/anybody! When I was engaged and we lived together, he used the guest bathroom and I used our bedroom bathroom. I just find men (in general) to not be as clean and tidy as I would like, and he wasn't a slob or anything, I just don't like it. I loved when I went out on my own from my parents house and finally had my own bathroom not shared by ANYBODY! Yeah!^^^Your mom raised a good egg
they are very generous with food, like my aunt and some friends
^^ I definately don't like sharing what's been given to me . Just for me.. I would not share my wii with kids either .. If they brake the wii... N you buy me a new one.. It's just not the same!!!! Something about owning that particular thing is important to me.. My ex used to buy me a new hair straightener after I lost mine... I made him return it as it was not mine ! Not the one I lost..!!! He did not get that either ..:p we r strange like that .. The more I love that particular item.. The less I would be willing to share .. Make sense? :p ... I get uncomfortable being force to share what belongs to ME !... And only ME ! selfish.. Probably.. But I am generous with things that r not mine.. E.g. Grabbing the bills.. Etc..
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