SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE TO PONDER ON:-)
This topic was created in the Taurus forum by Alana on Friday, September 23, 2005 and has 12 replies.
Eh...as Shaggy says..wasn't me! who wrote the following!!!
Read them and weep:-)!!
Astrological Signs Like You have Never Seen them
1. Taurus (April 21-May 21)
These people are earthy, natural, and have a direct approach
to the opposite sex which can only be called tactless. The
typical Taurus pickup line is "wanna fuck?" The typical Taurus
comeback to that line is "no, thanks, I already have one asshole
in my pants."
But once a Taurus has his mind made up, there's no stopping him.
He'll rent a $ 200-a-night hotel room, and a $ 500-a-night whore,
and pretend he is having fun. At least half of Mastercard's
business is done with Tauruses.
A Taurus doesn't do anything unless there's something to show
for it. Walk into even the most modest Taurus's home, and you'll
see at least a whole wall of trophies. Never mind that they are
for "Most Improved Bowler" or "Third Place, Rhubarb Pies" or
"Fastest Sheep Catcher in Texas." It's the trophy that counts.
Tauruses tend toward all kinds of excesses. Food, booze, sex.
In all cases, the Taurus person will bite off more than he can
chew. Impotence is a regular feature of a Taurus's alleged
love life.
Famous Taurus people include Barbara Streisand, Margot Fonteyn,
Sandra Dee, Ella Fitzgerald, Irving Berlin, Johannes Brahms,
Sigmund Freud, Sandy Dennis.
2. Gemini (May 22-June 21)
Gemini are shizophrenic, unpredictable, incongruous and an
enigma. Though they will usually tell you one thing, and then
go do something absolutely different, they are not being
two-faced. When Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they
know not what they do," he was probably looking at a gaggle
of Gemini.
This means, of course, that most Gemini are gay. Gemini homes
always have closets, but it is often difficult to tell if they
are coming in, or coming out of them. Or both. Two Gemini men
are walking down the street. The foxiest lady on earth walks by,
and one of them sighs. The other turns to him and says "Brucie!
ShAme on you! What was that all about?!!" And Brucie answers,
"Oh, Ferdinand, she was so fabulous! And for the first time in my
life I wished I was a lesbian!"
Gemini also love to "chase someone till they're caught."
Women, especially, love to pricktease, and then when the guy falls
all over them drooling, she'll *forget* she was ever remotely
interested. Bitch.
However, Geminis tend to be very naive and gullible, so they are
easily taken advantage of, especially by children. Most Gemini
parents think that the new kid's fad is to sniff powder sugar.
Geminis' children buy lots of insulin syringes for diabetic aunts,
even when neither of their parents have sisters.
Famous people born under this sign include Marilyn Monroe, Joan
Collins, Bob Hope, Tony Curtis, John Wayne, Pat Boone, Lord Larry
Olivier, Queen Victoria, Brigham Young.
3. Cancer (June 22-July 23)
This sign produces the greatest mothers of all the zodiac.
Cancers live for their homes and families. While the spouse
is in a motel room with the secretary, the Cancer is sitting at
home, telling the kids how wonderful it is that dad stays late
at the office to earn more bread for the family home.
Cancers get married. And fucked. And married. And fucked. And married.
But who's counting?
Cancers are pretty dull lovers. Foreplay to a Cancer man involves
a kiss on the cheek. Ask a Cancer woman what for play is, and she'll
say "something they shout on a golf course before they throw out
the first ball." The phrase "wham, bam, thank you, mam" was invented
to describe a Cancer's honeymoon.
While they are pretty damned dull to others, Cancers have a good
time, because they live in a dream world. Walter
Read them and weep:-)!!
Astrological Signs Like You have Never Seen them
1. Taurus (April 21-May 21)
These people are earthy, natural, and have a direct approach
to the opposite sex which can only be called tactless. The
typical Taurus pickup line is "wanna fuck?" The typical Taurus
comeback to that line is "no, thanks, I already have one asshole
in my pants."
But once a Taurus has his mind made up, there's no stopping him.
He'll rent a $ 200-a-night hotel room, and a $ 500-a-night whore,
and pretend he is having fun. At least half of Mastercard's
business is done with Tauruses.
A Taurus doesn't do anything unless there's something to show
for it. Walk into even the most modest Taurus's home, and you'll
see at least a whole wall of trophies. Never mind that they are
for "Most Improved Bowler" or "Third Place, Rhubarb Pies" or
"Fastest Sheep Catcher in Texas." It's the trophy that counts.
Tauruses tend toward all kinds of excesses. Food, booze, sex.
In all cases, the Taurus person will bite off more than he can
chew. Impotence is a regular feature of a Taurus's alleged
love life.
Famous Taurus people include Barbara Streisand, Margot Fonteyn,
Sandra Dee, Ella Fitzgerald, Irving Berlin, Johannes Brahms,
Sigmund Freud, Sandy Dennis.
2. Gemini (May 22-June 21)
Gemini are shizophrenic, unpredictable, incongruous and an
enigma. Though they will usually tell you one thing, and then
go do something absolutely different, they are not being
two-faced. When Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they
know not what they do," he was probably looking at a gaggle
of Gemini.
This means, of course, that most Gemini are gay. Gemini homes
always have closets, but it is often difficult to tell if they
are coming in, or coming out of them. Or both. Two Gemini men
are walking down the street. The foxiest lady on earth walks by,
and one of them sighs. The other turns to him and says "Brucie!
ShAme on you! What was that all about?!!" And Brucie answers,
"Oh, Ferdinand, she was so fabulous! And for the first time in my
life I wished I was a lesbian!"
Gemini also love to "chase someone till they're caught."
Women, especially, love to pricktease, and then when the guy falls
all over them drooling, she'll *forget* she was ever remotely
interested. Bitch.
However, Geminis tend to be very naive and gullible, so they are
easily taken advantage of, especially by children. Most Gemini
parents think that the new kid's fad is to sniff powder sugar.
Geminis' children buy lots of insulin syringes for diabetic aunts,
even when neither of their parents have sisters.
Famous people born under this sign include Marilyn Monroe, Joan
Collins, Bob Hope, Tony Curtis, John Wayne, Pat Boone, Lord Larry
Olivier, Queen Victoria, Brigham Young.
3. Cancer (June 22-July 23)
This sign produces the greatest mothers of all the zodiac.
Cancers live for their homes and families. While the spouse
is in a motel room with the secretary, the Cancer is sitting at
home, telling the kids how wonderful it is that dad stays late
at the office to earn more bread for the family home.
Cancers get married. And fucked. And married. And fucked. And married.
But who's counting?
Cancers are pretty dull lovers. Foreplay to a Cancer man involves
a kiss on the cheek. Ask a Cancer woman what for play is, and she'll
say "something they shout on a golf course before they throw out
the first ball." The phrase "wham, bam, thank you, mam" was invented
to describe a Cancer's honeymoon.
While they are pretty damned dull to others, Cancers have a good
time, because they live in a dream world. Walter
I love excess! 
Good one, Alana.
Good one, Alana.
Signed Up: Aug 27, 2005
Comments: 0 · Posts: 1343 · Topics: 15
Comments: 0 · Posts: 1343 · Topics: 15
Hahahah
"Most Scorpios are murdered in their beds."
Then we either regenerate back to Life or haunt your ass because we never leave without saying goodbye (with a Luciferian SMILE on our faces)
"Most Scorpios are murdered in their beds."
Then we either regenerate back to Life or haunt your ass because we never leave without saying goodbye (with a Luciferian SMILE on our faces)
" The Aries affair usually gets pretty kinky,"
Maybe that part proves that I am Pisces/Aries cusp?
Maybe that part proves that I am Pisces/Aries cusp?
Made the hell outta my day!
Hey Hey Hey
I resent that! Foreplay is a singing group! EVERYONE knows that!
I resent that! Foreplay is a singing group! EVERYONE knows that!
Yeah, i'm pretty lame in the sack.
Signed Up: Aug 27, 2005
Comments: 0 · Posts: 1343 · Topics: 15
Comments: 0 · Posts: 1343 · Topics: 15
^^ Mr.Crabby hahahaha
Hey cancerlady, that last comment by crabby is what I appreciate about Cancers!
Hey cancerlady, that last comment by crabby is what I appreciate about Cancers!
At least i'm huge, it kinda compensates.
Signed Up: Aug 27, 2005
Comments: 0 · Posts: 1343 · Topics: 15
Comments: 0 · Posts: 1343 · Topics: 15
LOL! More Power 2 U
me and my two friends says "What?"*innocent look*
i resent those comments too!!!!
i am sooo not like the leo she has put in here!!!! that hurts!!! but o well....if you all want to believe that crap then more power to you!!!!!
i am sooo not like the leo she has put in here!!!! that hurts!!! but o well....if you all want to believe that crap then more power to you!!!!!
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