Stuff.

How Many Members of Your Sign
Does It Take to Change a Lightbulb?

ARIES: Just one. Wanna make something of it?

TAURUS: Well, I prefer natural light if at all possible. Are you absolutely positive that lightbulb is burned out? I hate to throw it away if it still might be useful.

GEMINI: Probably one is best, because if there are more than one, they'll get so wrapped up in talking to each other that they'll forget all about the lightbulb.

CANCER: Only one, but three therapists will be needed to help with the grieving process. OR: Only one, as long as his mommy holds his hand.

LEO: Leos do not change their own lightbulbs. They find someone else to do it for them.

VIRGO: 1.11111119873, give or take .00000000000013% .

LIBRA: Well, I could do it, unless of course you'd prefer to do it, but you look sort of busy right now. What do you want to do?

SCORPIO: One, from across the room, if they've learned their teleporting lessons well enough.
OR, thanks to one of our website visitors: None, because Scorpios aren't afraid of the dark.

SAGITTARIUS: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got the rest of our lives ahead of us and you're worrying about a stupid light bulb?

CAPRICORN: I don't have time for these foolish jokes.

AQUARIUS: Well, you see, energy is really matter and matter is really energy and light is a form of energy but the light bulb is matter, and--

PISCES: What light bulb?


After Sex Comments by Sun Sign:

Aries: "Okay, let's do it again!"

Taurus: "I'm hungry--pass the pizza."

Gemini: "Have you seen the remote?"

Cancer: "When are we getting married?"

Leo: "Wasn't I fantastic?"

Virgo: "I need to wash the sheets."

Libra: "I liked it if you liked it."

Scorpio: "Perhaps I should untie you."

Sagittarius: "Don't call me--I'll call you."

Capricorn: "Do you have a business card?"

Aquarius: "Now let's try it with our clothes off!"

Pisces: "What did you say your name was again?"

SUN SIGN PRAYERS JUST FOR FUN
by Nolan Myers
http://azure.bbboy.net/freespirits-print?forum=2&thread=13
Thanks to a site visitor for submitting these!

ARIES: "Dear God! Give me PATIENCE and I want it NOW!"

TAURUS: "Dear God, please help me accept CHANGE in my life, but NOT YET."

GEMINI: "Yo God...(or is it Goddess?)...Who are you?...What are you?.....Where are You?.....How many of you ARE there? I can't figure you out!"

CANCER: "Dear Daddy, I know I shouldn't depend on you so much, but you're the only One I can count on while my security blanket is at the cleaners."

LEO: "Hi, Pop! I'll bet you're really proud to have me as your kid!"

VIRGO: "Dear God, please make the world a better place, and don't screw it up like you did the last time."

LIBRA: "Dear God, I know I should make decisions for myself. But, on the other hand, what do YOU think?"

SCORPIO: "Dear God, help me forgive my enemies, even if the bastards don't deserve it."

SAGITTARIUS: "OH ALMIGHTY, ALL KNOWING, ALL-LOVING, ALL-POWERFUL, OMNIPRESENT, EVERLASTING GOD, IF I'VE ASKED YOU ONCE, I'VE ASKED YOU A THOUSAND TIMES --- HELP ME STOP EXAGGERATING!!!!!!!!!!"

CAPRICORN: "Dear Father, I was going to pray, but I guess I ought to figure things out for myself. Thanks anyway."

AQUARIUS: "Hi God! Some say you're a man. Some say you're a woman. I say we're ALL God. So, why pray? Let's have a party!"

PISCES: "Heavenly Father, as I prepare to consume this last fifth of Scotch to drown out my pain and sorrow, may my inebriation be for Thy greater Honor and Glory."

Which pet would go best with each sign?

Aries: _ Anything, as long as it's got a lot of energy!

Taurus: _ A turtle: it's slow-moving, doesn't need a lot of attention, and won't compete with its owner for food.

Gemini: A talking parrot; need I say more? Well, of course I do, but--

Cancer: _ Anything, as long as it needs to be nurtured.

Leo: _ A big, bold, ferocious feline, as long as it doesn't compete with its owner's place in the sun.

Virgo: _ Let's see, I have to get up at 7:30 to feed it, let it out at 7:45, at 10:00 I need to go to the grocery store to pick up three cans of food, which will cost $ 3.86, including tax--

Libra _: Hm, good question. One the one hand, a dog is active, affectionate, and companionable. On the other hand, a cat is pretty independent and won't require as much time and attention. Oh, I don't know. What would you do? Are you sure?

Scorpio: _ A cat. Secretive, mysterious, and unpredictable. What's not to like?

Sagittarius: _ A horse, of course! Let_s hope it's got enough stamina to keep up with me.

Capricorn: Do I have to pay for it?

Aquarius _: A hamster. First, I've got to set up a detailed cage with tubes going from here to here, and an energy sensor--they don't make anything like that? That's okay, I'm sure what I come up with will be much better.

Pisces : Fish. When their owner forgets about them for weeks on end, they're easy to replace. If Pisces remembers to replace them...






Message posted by: fieryearth on 3/19/2007 2:52:51 PM ip: xxx.xxx.xxx.34

Message posted by: fieryearth on 3/19/2007 2:52:51 PM ip: xxx.xxx.xxx.34
The Signs
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb 18) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a jerk.

PISCES (Feb 19-Mar 20) - You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have a minor influence on your friends, and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipbutter.

ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 20) - You are the pioneer type and think most people are quick-tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You too are a jerk.

TAURUS (Apr 21-May 20) - You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded.

GEMINI (May 21-Jun 20) - You are a quick and i

The Signs
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb 18) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a jerk.

PISCES (Feb 19-Mar 20) - You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have a minor influence on your friends, and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipbutter.

ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 20) - You are the pioneer type and think most people are quick-tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You too are a jerk.

TAURUS (Apr 21-May 20) - You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded.

GEMINI (May 21-Jun 20) - You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard.

CANCER (Jun 21-Jul 22) - You are sympathetic and understanding to other peoples problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a butter. Everybody in prison is a Cancer.

LEO (Jul 23-Aug 22) - You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you're an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieves and spend most of their lives kissing mirrors.

VIRGO (Aug 23-Sep 22) - You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nitpicking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

LIBRA (Sep 23-Oct 22) - You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are male, you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

SCORPIO (Oct 23-Nov 21) - The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-cookiemonster. Most Scorpios are murdered.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22-Dec 21) - You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarius' are drunks. You are not worth the time of day.