Taurus

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/ZodiakTaurus<BR>
21 April - 21 May

Taureans like others to think of them as refined, and experts when it comes to food and drink. This is just a cover; they are in reality a glutton and a drunk. Ruddy-faced, cheerful and slightly drunk old buffoons - think Santa Claus, think Falstaff, think Duke Ellington. They have too many close relatives.
ARRGGHH! BAA! UGH!

Personality

Hey, don't cross these babies. They have horns and spikes and all sorts of weapons. They probably sleep with shotguns under the bed. They are quick to lose their temper. They like to throw tantrums to get their own way and will carry on doing so long after childhood has left them behind. If they can't get their own way they'll attack you. Cross them at your peril.

They are like oak trees; unable to move, easy to get struck down in storms, big, ugly, strong and stupid. They feel threatened a lot. They tend to barricade themselves in behind security devices, barbed wire, gun turrets and arrow slits. They think everyone is out to rob them. We are.

Don't ever ask one of them what they think. For a start they'll tell you and tell you in blunt, plain old fashioned words. Boy, do they have a mouth on them. They drone on endlessly once asked. Don't give them the opportunity. Shut them up or they'll bore you forever. They could bore for their country. They are slow and cowardly but disguise it as not liking to be rushed - not taking risks. Taureans are so rich it's worth the effort of stealing from them. Other signs are poor, so not worth bothering with, but a Taurus will always reward you with rich pickings. They know this and hide their stuff away - it's always under the bed by the way. They have too many books.

Taurus in Love

They avoid falling in love. It cramps their style . Their style being a drunk, fat bull, hoarding money. Once they do fall in love you'd better hope it ain't you. They will stifle you, lock you away, smother you with tacky gifts, suffocate you with attention and affection. They think having lots of children will keep them safe from being dumped. They have a particularly claustrophobic approach to long-term relationships - you aren't allowed out of their sight. Instinctively they know they're going to get dumped eventually and they try everything to prevent it - which brings it on all the quicker. They hate to be betrayed and will get so angry and put on such a show of indignation, they bellow. Brilliant fun to goad one

But if you do betray one stay well out of their way, as they are very violent when aroused, and are likely to commit murder - or assault at the very least. You wouldn't want one of these as a real enemy.

They like to plot a seduction though and will ponderously go about it. But finesse, charm, grace? No, these are not words they will be familiar with. Exaggerated, theatrical, overexcited, now that's more like it. Think bulls rutting. Think cows being mounted. Think bovine. Think big. Think ungainly. Think all over in a second.

They are immune to subtlety. If they flirt with you and you are disgusted you should try to resort to a colorful barroom brawl with breaking beer bottles and slashing at them rather than laughing and moving to another table and stating for them to go away, that you are not going to sleep with them, they are repugnant.

Taurus in Business

Once a deal is struck - and it will be on their terms believe me - they'll stick to it through thick and thin.

Unflinching loyalty is their strong point - their only one. They like to think they've got good taste but it is firmly set in the 1950s.

I wouldn't employ one, they're such sticklers for details, far too bogged down in petty rules and bureaucracy. They don't have a lot of initiative. They also steal pens.

Posted by BellatheBull
They also steal pens.

Damn straight!! LOL!
Thanks for posting.

I like the really chunky ones at the doctors office...ROFL

marvelous

meant to say some of these are the negative sides of a taurus But MOSTLY not true.