Taurus male - Lost interest or got Spooked?

This topic was created in the Taurus forum by LadyArcher on Thursday, November 1, 2018 and has 8 replies.
I know its long, I just hope at least one person is willing to read.. I’m desperate.

So, I'm going to try to be as detailed in this as I possibly can. To start off, I am a Sagittarius female. I know, I know, from everything I've read the compatibility between Sagittarius and Taurus are generally hit and miss. But doable! I honestly feel crazy, I feel like I've met my soul mate (or at least one of them). I never thought something like this would exist for me.

I'm a VERY logical person. I think everything through from a million different perspectives and always try to come to a logical conclusion, which is why this situation with (I'd like to call him) my Taurus has truly thrown me for a loop. I approach relationships slowly and steadily. Think typical imagery. Talk for months, go on dates, wait 6 months to sleep with someone.. that type of thing. I takes me a while to build a connection with someone and usually in order for me to be genuinely attracted to someone I need to be able to connect with them. Therefore I need to get to know them deeply for a while first.

In saying that, it’s important to note that I've only been with 2 people my entire life (I'm almost 30). I'm a late bloomer and only really started having sex late last year. Both partners are what I would call fwb. The first was quick and strictly sex for a couple months because I wanted the experience. The other was a fwb type person I was getting to know and eventually got feelings for. That fell apart in the worse way a year later, just about 3-4 months ago. (In the end he started making sexual advances to my best friend in front of me. But that's a different story and yes he was a Leo. Really broke my heart.)

Fast forward to a few months later I met my Taurus on tinder. Out of sheer boredom I literally swiped about 3 people and then tossed my phone away; completely planning to never go back to the stupid, useless app when he messaged me. We immediately skipped the awkward stages and went straight to full on conversations, joking, laughing and being all around charming. We met up a day later, also something I’d never done so quickly and sat in his car talking. I felt an immediate connection. I literally felt like I've known him forever, even though I'd never met him before and knew nothing about him.

He was sweet and funny and voiced that he felt a connection with me too. When it was time for me to leave, neither of us wanted to part ways. After we parted he immediately messaged me, I had dinner with friends so he begged me to call him after or try to come back and see him. I did call, but declined to see him as we shared a quick kiss when I was leaving and both felt odd about it like already it was moving too quickly but neither of us could resist.

He said he felt badly and was overthinking the fact that he made the move to kiss me and was afraid that he had offended me. We settled after that and decided our first date would be at his place. I hesitated at first but I also wanted to be alone with him.

When I got to his house, I was so insanely happy to see him it scared me. Long story short by the end of it all that night we ended up having sex. Like I said, I'm practical and this was sooo unlike me (my friends were stunned when I finally told them) that I freaked out. I ended up in his bathroom sitting on a closed toilet seat lid with my head in my hands lamenting about what had happened. The door wasn't locked and to my surprise he came into the bathroom, saw me and immediately started comforting me. He apologized and said he knew he should have stopped but it got out of hand. I assured him that I wanted it as well, but I've never done it so quickly with someone and of course now I think he won't take me seriously. He reassured me otherwise and begged me not to leave. I fully intended to go (eventually) but stayed. We cuddled and had sex again a while later. I woke up about 2am intending to leave, looked across at him and couldn't bring myself to; he didn't want me to either. I ended up staying the night and we had sex again that morning. He wanted me to stay and I wanted to as well but I ended up leaving (running away). We messaged as soon as I got home, I told him that I missed him already (uncharacteristic for me as I do not get attached to people very quickly) and he responded "You're the one that wanted to leave.."

We saw each other rapidly for that week. Three more times to be exact.. and after that that's when things started taking a turn..

Now there were of course moments of hesitation on my end. I’ve never felt this way before and it was to be frank, terrifying. Early on I had mentioned us seeing other people. As this is all that I've been used to, all guys I've encountered have expressed wanting to multi date and I had always ended up getting my feelings hurt, so I brought it up early on to let him know he can. To spare my own feelings. He immediately said he didn't want that, but we never got to finish that conversation for me to express why I said it and that I honestly didn’t want that either. There were also instances where he seemed to feel slighted as he thought I was seeing other people (I wasn't) or was going to see other people (I did not) but he never expressed it outright. When I asked if he was upset about a possible trip to Miami with a (gay, but he doesn’t know that) male best friend of mine, his response was ‘I’m not your man, I can’t tell you what to do.’ And we kind of laughed it off.

Side note: Everyone thinks my best friend is straight, he’s not, he’s VERY handsome but I have no intentions on justifying our friendship and getting someone to trust me by outing him as gay to potential suitors. If they stick around, they’ll find out on their own.

Anyway, now.. weeks later he's basically shut down on me. Before he would text me throughout the day, call me whenever he got a moment to, now it’s a few texts in the morning ( he can’t really message while at work) and a few at night (he also does work at home), he doesn't call anymore (unless it’s to return my call, the latest he didn't return at all). He hasn't tried to see me in THREE weeks, cancelled two dates on me. One was because of work and the other because we had awful weather and work also came up. Even though I've expressed numerous times wanting to see him, still nothing. He had said he missed me too at one point, but didn't make a move to see me and has since not said it again.

I basically cracked this Wednesday morning at 3am and told him that I was overthinking the fact that we haven't seen each other and now we hardly talk and if he's lost interest he can tell me so I can back off. I keep waking up at all odd hours of the morning thinking of him and panicking which is why the message ended up being at 3am. He replied around 530 am, I guess he randomly woke up then to and simply said “Morning hun” I replied when I woke back up he followed with “Stop over thinking.” And followed up with a question about a trip I have coming up with some friends and then changed the subject entirely. Didn’t offer any reassurances about his interest or mentioned trying to see him. He just asked what date I was leaving for a trip and moved on from the subject. I start to overthink because sometimes I'd message him sweet things like when I messaged, 'This rain is making me want to snuggle under you while you work'. He read it but never replied. It’s not the first time he’s done that. He often reads messages when he’s on the go and doesn’t reply. But this time since then has been unreturned phone call and short messages last night when I messaged him. I basically left him on read as I tried to strike up a light conversation and all I got was a 'Lol' and nothing more. I didn't message him this morning as I usually do, but he did message and said 'Morning' when I replied he read it and didn't answer and has not messaged me since.

Now I’m wondering if he’s just lost interest, yaknow, guy already got sex what reason there is to stick around and he’s just slowly easing away or if he got spooked and thinks he’ll be hurt because I had mentioned a scenario about us seeing other people. I also have a two week trip coming up to Thailand (I leave in 8 days) and I was thinking that has him tentative about investing as well. It’s with some of my best friends, two of which are fairly attractive males (one gay) and another female friend of mine. All plutonic.

I did ask him on yesterday if he was sceptical about me going on this trip and his response was a straight forward ‘No I’m not.’ Please any Taurus experts; please tell me which it is? Should I just cut my losses or should I try to get him to see that I’ve already started falling for him? How do I get us back on track? I’ve since backed off, I haven’t messaged him today as I usually would and I don’t intend to. I figure if he’s intending on ghosting me, I’m giving him room to do so as much as it already hurts. This morning he was the one who messaged first BUT he also left me on read I replied so I don’t know how to gauge that.

I know this is fairly long, but I wanted to give as many details as I can and even mention where I know my short comings may be that could have caused a slight rift. Hopefully someone can shed some light on a way forward for me.

- Lady Archer
Go to this thread in the Taurus forum 'Why do Taurus men disappear/ghost?' and read the response on page five from Taurusbull1977. I think you'll find it very helpful especially the third reason for hot and cold.

For me, I think you are quite contradictory. You're 30 and say you think are logical and think everything through yet your actions show otherwise. You've slept with three people, all of whom have not been within any kind of loving or long term relationship. Just fwb and jumping straight into bed with this Taurus.

I think your story has a lot of waffle in it. In a nutshell, you lack experience in relationships and you've no idea what you're looking for. You jumped into bed with this guy because you appeared to get on well over a couple of hours. You had a whirlwind week with him which included more sex instead of dating, taking your time, establishing relevant things such as what you're both looking for, common ground etc. Now you're attached and fretting about this guy.

Meanwhile, in Taurus world, he's thinking of food, work, food, family, food, some sex he had with some girl, food, friends, work, food...

In addition, I'd read the story you wrote but put yourself in his shoes. Really put yourself in his shoes. I won't retype it out but I'll highlight a couple of points.

The dating others thing. He's probably clear with what he wants. You are not.

Him finding you feeling sorry for yourself in his bathroom after having sex together. Nothing like a big kick in the balls for him.

You banging on about going on trips with friends of yours, gay, straight, attractive or whatever. You're making a big deal about something that isn't a big deal. You had a life before you met. He is realistic and comfortable enough to know this.

In conclusion, I think you need to take some time in evaluating what you want from life. I don't think this guy thinks you're a match.
kinda emotionally immature for someone in the 30s

why the lamenting and stuff, and the whole I want to leave but I won't, such a turn off for any earth sign

I bet your text are just like this wall, how intense, chill a lil'

if there's no fun, no excitement in being with you, worse, all drama and regret? puff ofc he's avoiding you, you're draining him
Enjoy your trip Thailand. Let him come to you. Two weeks is enough time for him to figure out if he misses you or not.
Posted by AgentP911

Go to this thread in the Taurus forum 'Why do Taurus men disappear/ghost?' and read the response on page five from Taurusbull1977. I think you'll find it very helpful especially the third reason for hot and cold.

For me, I think you are quite contradictory. You're 30 and say you think are logical and think everything through yet your actions show otherwise. You've slept with three people, all of whom have not been within any kind of loving or long term relationship. Just fwb and jumping straight into bed with this Taurus.

I think your story has a lot of waffle in it. In a nutshell, you lack experience in relationships and you've no idea what you're looking for. You jumped into bed with this guy because you appeared to get on well over a couple of hours. You had a whirlwind week with him which included more sex instead of dating, taking your time, establishing relevant things such as what you're both looking for, common ground etc. Now you're attached and fretting about this guy.

Meanwhile, in Taurus world, he's thinking of food, work, food, family, food, some sex he had with some girl, food, friends, work, food...

In addition, I'd read the story you wrote but put yourself in his shoes. Really put yourself in his shoes. I won't retype it out but I'll highlight a couple of points.

The dating others thing. He's probably clear with what he wants. You are not.

Him finding you feeling sorry for yourself in his bathroom after having sex together. Nothing like a big kick in the balls for him.

You banging on about going on trips with friends of yours, gay, straight, attractive or whatever. You're making a big deal about something that isn't a big deal. You had a life before you met. He is realistic and comfortable enough to know this.

In conclusion, I think you need to take some time in evaluating what you want from life. I don't think this guy thinks you're a match.


Spot on...especially the part about it from his perspective. ..
Leave him alone. Live your life. Be your own happiness and if he comes back, fine. But you're putting way too much pressure on him.
If you feel this intensely after just one week it might be better for your mental health if you don’t jump onto a dick without knowing what the dude is about.
i didn't read all of this but i got the gist.

stop over thinking this. realise that taurus can move at a snail's pace. you're expecting far too much, far too soon.

i also agree with agentp's description of what he is thinking about.

if you want to make things work with a taurus, you must be patient. things run to their timetable. you can push the clock hands forward sometimes but for an easy life you have to go with the flow and let things develop organically.

at the moment you are at the stage of (new) friends that fuck. so behave like a friend, have the expectations of a friend. if things go well they will move beyond that but you can't jump forward stages.