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May 20, 2008Comments: 0 · Posts: 123 · Topics: 21
So a little update and I need your advice on some things.. Since I've back off he is messaging me everyday now
We originally met on a dating website so init ally we did't exchange numbers we use bbm or Whats app to text back and forth.. until today he still has not given me his number (red flag???? I dunno.. I kind of think he is waiting for whatever reason).
He messages me every day now even until late in the night. I don't initiate the conversations I just let him do it but I do respond ( not quickly though) I just make him e wait about 15 minute to a half an hour before replying unless we are making plans to see each other.
He's always asking me "What r u up 2" and so I think he wants to make plans but then sometimes he rears into another topic.. which is fine because I just go about my day normally now that I see that message will not always lead to seeing him.
On Saturday he did the same thing: "What r u up 2?" so he asked if he could come over and I said sure.. .. then he asks me if to come to his house instead.. and i said "no problem"..
We hung out and watched a movie.. I'm super reserved and I'm never gonna make the first move and I think he sees that so he asked me to come sit closer and then he slowly inches his way in my space.. He made me a drink and out of the blue grabs my drink and then starts kissing me (in a gentle way though which was super hot)I didn't see that coming because we were in a conversation when he decided to do that as well..... the kissing goes on for a while ..stops and then starts again.. Once he started slowly taking my sweater off and asked if I wanted to go to his bedroom I pulled back a bit and said maybe not because it was getting late .. he was really nice even after I said that .. we hung out a little more then he walked me out and I went home.. when I got home we messaged back and forth a bit.
So I'm unsure as to what he wants here.. Because of his message to me a while ago about not wanting to start something serious I cant sleep with him i just can't set myself up to get hurt..
He said in his message exactly this:
I've been distancing myself recently because I don't want to start something serious.
Because we got intimate so soon It becomes difficulty to detach after being intimate.
Given that that's what he said about being intimate and becoming attached, then why ask me about going to the bedroom..
Anyhow another thing that is really bothering me is that I don't even have his pone number.. why would I continue sleeping with someone when I don't even have their number. I'm not a phone person and don't care to talk on the phone but its the fact that him would bring me to his house but not give me his number that's odd.
He lives with his mother, grandmother, sister and nephew. I haven't met them but they were home when I went over..
I'm confused but I don't want to chase him away either by not being intimate with him..
I figure if it comes up again I'm
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May 20, 2008Comments: 0 · Posts: 123 · Topics: 21
I figure if it comes up again I'm just going to tell him that given what he said before I just wanted to respect his wishes on not being intimate to avoid the attachment and also because I want to get to know him better so neither of us get hurt in any of this.
I just feel like if I don't set standards here then I'm asking for trouble.
I'm willing to give and take here but within reason and laying down for him isn't going to happen unless what it means for me to do that with hi
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May 20, 2008Comments: 0 · Posts: 123 · Topics: 21
I'm willing to give and take here but within reason and laying down for him isn't going to happen unless he makes a change in what he wants and if he even develops feeling at all for me.
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May 20, 2008Comments: 0 · Posts: 123 · Topics: 21
no they where in the living room and we were in the other living room.. he's nephew (3 yrs old) did come in a few times to see him but that's all..
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Oct 29, 2014Comments: 1 · Posts: 16583 · Topics: 222
Be honest and upfront. And don't settle for less. Then walk away because you already had this conversation. There are people who are honestly looking for a long term monogamous relationship.. which one do you need to have?
The longer I see stories like these. My I'm going to be single forever. Guess it's happening all over not just here in the west coast area. Sad really is.
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May 20, 2008Comments: 0 · Posts: 123 · Topics: 21
the room we were in is separated by a kitchen and the other living room is on the other side of that kitchen.. I had a full shirt on under my sweater but I was nervous of anyone walking over but if anyone was to come over we would have heard them.... .. His room is actually off of the living room we were in...... He's 38 and I'm 36 so it's not that odd for him to have someone over I think.. ..
I guess I'll just keep my distance until I know him better and avoid being intimate until I'm 100% sure of him
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Oct 29, 2014Comments: 1 · Posts: 16583 · Topics: 222
Hmm this is one reason you should both have your own places for this reason alone.. more stress to deal with.
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Oct 29, 2014Comments: 1 · Posts: 16583 · Topics: 222
Wait back up, how long have you known him? & yes how are you communicating with him? . hm he's 38 and stable but his parents and siblings stay with him? And I assume very close to them?
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Sep 17, 2014Comments: 22 · Posts: 8048 · Topics: 36
"I've been distancing myself recently because I don't want to start something serious.
Because we got intimate so soon It becomes difficulty to detach after being intimate."
ugh. really? please tell me this doesn't work on women.
he doesn't want anything serious. he didn't have the decency to introduce you to his family even though they were in the next room. you don't have his phone number.
have you already slept with him?
it sounds like he is setting you up to a booty call.
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May 20, 2008Comments: 0 · Posts: 123 · Topics: 21
@ busyeyes88:
We message/text one another. I rather the texting too just because I don't want to sit on the phone with anyone..I have work and school to deal with so long conversations on the phone isn't appealing to me.. I will however not go to his place any more because I agree with you..It's gong to seems like rejection if that scenario keeps happening so outside neutral places it is!
I also didn't initiate any kissing or any other contact.. it really came as a surprise right in the middle on a conversation so I'll keep that in mind.. but I think I might have to tell him SOMETHING about this being platonic before hand so he does try kissing me while we are out either right?
I have no intentions on having sex with him and DEFINITELY do not want to be apart of anyone's harem
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May 20, 2008Comments: 0 · Posts: 123 · Topics: 21
@ FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
We text each other.. His dad passed away a few years back and so he's still living at home with his mom. I knowwwww.. I though that was weird having him still live at home. but his mom is retired and grandmother does not work.. His younger sister has a son and doesn't have a great job so he's really the man of that house
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Oct 29, 2014Comments: 1 · Posts: 16583 · Topics: 222
Damn.. ultimately it is your choice. Focus on school and work.. and just be friends. If you're physically or sexually attracted to him. It will be harder to be friends with ..
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May 20, 2008Comments: 0 · Posts: 123 · Topics: 21
crap!!!! well not what I wanted to hear but definitely grateful for the advice and I'm going to take it because I just don't have time for games and YES I want someone who also wants a relationship and not bullshit