Well, that's it with Mr Taurus. I think.

This topic was created in the Taurus forum by NZAqua on Thursday, September 22, 2011 and has 59 replies.
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The gist of it:
Mr Taurus texts at 5pm "Hey hon, just finished work, I'll be over to yours at about 6.0, 6.45 okay? I love you xxx".
I text back yes, we discuss what to have for dinner, i suggest buying us a hot roast meal, he agrees, says he's looking forward to it.
I get a text at 6.40 "Hey hon, just been landed a case to work on, I'll finish it off and be over soon, looking forward to dinner, looking forward to seeing you". (He deals with child abuse cases and will sometimes get them after work, though rarely).
Me "Okay, no worries, see you soon, looking forward to eating dinner together xxx".
Him "Me too, sorry I'm held up but I'll be there soon, shouldn't be long"
At 8pm I go down and buy dinner. At 8.30 I eat alone. No word, no text, no idea of when he's coming over.
At 8.500 I send a text asking where he is. No reply. I know he's read the text cos my phone alerts me to when texts are read, not just received.
At 9.40 i send a text "You rude prick, I've been sitting waiting for three hours. Dinner is cold, I've eaten mine alone and I've had no word from you as to when you're likely to turn up" (He has a thing about me being late. i rarely am, but he asks that i text and let him know if I'll be late, which i always do because it's inconsiderate otherwise and I text whoever I'm due to meet if I'm going to be late).
9.40, him: "Do you want me to come over now?" (No apology, no acknowledgement of the dinner I bought and sat waiting to eat with him, no kiss my arse, nothing).
I tell him no, not to bother, I've been waiting for hours and it would have taken 30 seconds to send me a text to let me know wtf was going on. I say i don't mind if he's not coming because he has work to do, but i do expect the bloody courtesy of a text to tell me what the story is, especially since I've been told he's coming, I've spent money on dinner and waited to eat with him.
I get this (actual text)
"You know what? The child I helped tonight won't get beaten up by his parents. Fuck you Elle"
Me "What? Fuck you too". (I'm gobsmacked by now).
Him "Goodbye Elle, You just don't get it. It's not about you. You go find a man that will bow down to your world. If it comes down to being at a location for dinner and saving a child then I'll always take saving the child. Fuck you and goodbye. And I mean that".
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IF he was truly at work, IF he was kneedeep in a child abuse issue, then why are you choosing THIS instance to make an issue out of it?
sounds like, he's been a prick in the past and you chose this opportunity to get on your hind legs. sure, he could have text you, but he didnt and truthfully, depending on what he was doing at the time, maybe it would be like i dunno...UNPROFESSIONAL to answer text in the midst of such drama?
maybe the dude deserved to be ex'd, but frankly, you chose the absolute WRONG time to assert yourself. frankly, it makes you look needy and unsympathetic.
i'm sure that after having a long day, he would have loved to come over and share with you the drama he just experienced and you know, had you handled this more tactfully...more like an adult, you would have let him come over. you would have allowed him to explain. and you would have taken the opportunity to discuss how inconsiderate it was to not keep you informed TO HIS FACE rather than texting your feelings like a teenager.
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Continued...
So I;m sitting there wondering wtf and i don't reply because I'm not sure just what to say to that.
I go to bed because I'm shocked that he can be so hostile when he was the one that said he was coming over, said he wanted to eat dinner with me and then didn't let me know for three hours where he was.
I get a call at 11. He goes "I did a good thing for that kid tonight" I'm in no mood to talk by now so i tell him "that's nice for you but why are you ringing me when you just told me fuck you and goodbye?"
And he launched into a tirade of abuse so I put the phone down on him. He calls back twice, insists i turn the answer phone on so he can leave a message (what the? I'm on the phone to HIM and he wants to leave a message on the answerphone? Huh???
I turn the phone off and try to go to sleep.
I get this text:
"you are pathetic, like a child. Face reality. Look at the texts I sent you. I'm not going to lie down and take shit over this situation. Grow up Elle. I ain't coming back to you. Let me be the man who tells you that it aint okay to be a self absorbed bitch. And that is what you are".
I don't even bother to respond.
So, there you have it. When a man says he;s coming over, let's you buy his dinner, keeps you waiting for three fucking hours with no word and expects you to be okay with it he gets abusive when you tell him it takes 30 seconds to send a text to let you know what the story is since you're sitting waiting for him to turn up.
Four days ago he said he wanted to move in with me.
I give up. This is fucked up. It's so bizare that I'm actually laughing at it right now. Oh my word! lol!
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ooooooh, jinx!
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yeah, he's right...you are a child.
it's shocking that you actually think you're in the right.
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Posted by caligula
IF he was truly at work, IF he was kneedeep in a child abuse issue, then why are you choosing THIS instance to make an issue out of it?
sounds like, he's been a prick in the past and you chose this opportunity to get on your hind legs. sure, he could have text you, but he didnt and truthfully, depending on what he was doing at the time, maybe it would be like i dunno...UNPROFESSIONAL to answer text in the midst of such drama?
maybe the dude deserved to be ex'd, but frankly, you chose the absolute WRONG time to assert yourself. frankly, it makes you look needy and unsympathetic.
i'm sure that after having a long day, he would have loved to come over and share with you the drama he just experienced and you know, had you handled this more tactfully...more like an adult, you would have let him come over. you would have allowed him to explain. and you would have taken the opportunity to discuss how inconsiderate it was to not keep you informed TO HIS FACE rather than texting your feelings like a teenager.


I didn't make an issue out of it, I asked why I was sitting waiting three hours for him to turn up, which is exactly what he'd have done if it were the other way around. As for being needy, no, I don't believe I am, I have plenty of times where I do my own thing in a non-needy way. We have an agreement that if one of us is going to be late then we text. He was reading case notes, not out with the police at a house with the child since the child lives in another city. This is what he does, he's a case worker, not a social worker who does field work.
You're right about the "to his face" thing though, i could have let him come over and discussed it. By that time though, i wasn't in the mood to have a face to face with him.
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Posted by caligula
yeah, he's right...you are a child.
it's shocking that you actually think you're in the right.


I didn't say i was in the right, I said I was wondering wtf and i don't feel like a child, i feel like an adult who is wondering what is wrong with sending a text when you're three hours late to the partner he expects a text from if I'm going to be late of any description. I was 15 minutes late the other night, text to tell him that and he sulked all night. Only now it seems it's okay for him to do it and want me to be okay with it.
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Humm, in any case, i need to have a think about how it played out and my response to it so thanks for that.
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WHO cares!??!?!
he was WORK-ING! he wasn't out running the streets, drinking with the guys, fucking other women... he was AT WORK.
yes, he was very inconsiderate and i'm sure that your excitement waned as your dinner got cold but seriously, you allowed your feelings to get the better of you and that's what makes your behavior in this situation childish.
as a taurus, i wouldn't even think of apologizing to your ass now. FUCK YOUR FEELINGS! i'm at fucking work. i didn't do it intentionally but the fact that your ass is stressing me the fuck out after the fact and whining and shit, fuck you. what is he supposed to do, kiss your ass and wash your feet with his hair just because he was late?
now eventually, i'd calm down and apologize for making you wait, but i'd still say "fuck you" moving forward because what you've revealed to me is that you think that i need to drop any and everything for you. hell, if your arm aint broke and hyou're not bound and gagged in the back of a car, what's with the federal case?
shit happens and if you think i'm so shitty that i'd stay at work late to intentionally fuck you over, then hey, you're already fucked and punctuality can't save ya!
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Wow.
Honestly,I'd never look back.
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Actually,I'd never look back at the Aqua.
He DID make an effort in the beginning to let her know he just had a late case come in....his focus was on that,not dinner.he was honorably trying to help a child....and his woman was to busy behaving like one to understand that.
if he was a factory worker,yes....understandable to be that pissed.But he wasn't at a bar,or a game...he was busy helping a child who needed help.
Just as stated by NZ in another thread.....we look to your insides.....
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For him to react to her reaction the way he did...seems like this happens in some fashion at least occasionally.
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NZ,I have to ask....Is it possible he did not call or text again to let you know how late he might be, because he knew there would be a bad reaction?
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wow, "common courtesy?"
don't fall for it. he was indeed wrong, but as i said, why the fuck didn't you deal with this in person? CLEARLY it's not about his being late for dinner. i mean fuck, who would get upset about that?
the dude needed to be ex'd a long time ago and yet, you chose THIS issue to assert yourself and THAT is the problem.
maybe he needed to be removed from your life, but if you were woman, you would have chosen a more constructive manner to ex-him. guaranteed, you'll be lamenting this for a while, you two will probably reconnect and the issue, that you have chosen not to resolve, will still be on the table.
fuck, look at the title of your thread..."i think." what do you mean, "i think." if his comments and his lack of communication were so fucking bad, what is there to "think" about? you're playing games.
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Why is he switching it up on you? That's weird and he was acting bat-s@# $ crazy with those texts. It takes only a few seconds to keep someone updated, so no excuses there. It should just be "That's it with Mr. Taurus." I don't think you were being unreasonable at all here, and even if you were, all he had to do was state his case calmly. Why act like that? Almost as if your guilty of something.
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There's more to this story than she's letting on. TO get upset over one missed dinner (given his line of work), that reaction is excessive. I personally hate text messages, especially if I'm worried about someone and they're not where they're supposed to be at a specific time.
I take my work very seriously. I'd had a situation where my Gemini called me at least 3 times back to back on my personal cell when I was on a conference call. When I didn't answer, he called my office number. A few minutes later, a text popped up that said "Answer your damn phone". When I finally did call him back, I asked "Is everything ok? You called me 6 times and texted me in 10 minutes". He said "No, just wanted to know what's for dinner". I flipped and said "are you kidding me? i was on a f'ing conference call and you call me that many times to find out what's for dinner?" and hung up on him.
He didn't understand at the time that my job is important to me and if I can't answer his call or text him back right away, it's not because I'm ignoring him. It's usually because I either have someone in my office or I'm on the phone with a client.
So honestly I can understand why he reacted the way he did. If you want to get your point across with a Taurus, especially a male one, it's all about the delivery.
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Also if I forget to call someoneback when I say I will, it's usually when I'm at work and I'm focusing on work or get pulled into a matter that takes priority. Not that my loved one doesn't take priority, but I have to keep a paycheck...
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exactly^
i mean, what bitter, manless bitch would encourage you to dump a dude because he was late to dinner?
and i agree, the way she relayed the conversation no make sense. he didn't say "fuck you" out of the blue. i led with the assumption that when she expressed her hurt/anger over his not texting, she came out the mouth wrong to begin with. in other words, his initial "fuck you" was prompted and because she's manipulating this in her favor, she has decided to withhold what she said to instigate it.
bitches! i swear if i were lesbian, i'd be a woman beater.
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I just re-read this. WHy do people turn on the option of read receipt on their text messages? Seems like a trust issue...just saying and I could be wrong.
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yeah, i didn't know you could even do that? damn, i need to pimp my phone.
but i agree, it wreaks of insecurity.
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Oh for goodness sakes, i gave you the event in it's entirety. The very reason I wrote the damn thread was because of the "fuck you" that out of nowhere. As for being supportive and considerate for his work. yes, i have been, plenty. I'm the one that sits listening to him de-stress over cases and things that have happened. I'm the one who listens to his upsets and his frustrations over what goes on and helps him when he's struggling with deciding over whether or not he's done the right thing in ordering a child to be uplifted from a family or not.
As far as being understanding of his work - hell yes! Which is exactly why I told him in the beginning when he said he'd be a bit late that it was okay, that i understood he had work to do.
As far as being a chump that sits waiting for a courtesy text - no. Three hours late with no word? I don't think so. There are millions of people that hold jobs which require last minute things that come in - police, doctors, surgeons etc. How do they expect to maintain a healthy relationship if they don't find the courtesy to call or text their partner.
All this talk of insecurity - absolute bollocks. I don't require him to hold my hand every minute, i don't require him to spend every minute with me and I don't require him to place me first on his list at every given opportunity. What i do require is reciprocity - in that he expects me to text if I'm going to be late, which i do, and i in turn expect the same. It's just not that hard and it was put in place because we both have jobs that require after hours business at times.
I agree my timing was shit. Totally agree. Yea for sure, i could have picked a better time to discuss it and own up to that 100% . But the other accusations of half the story missing, other events that have happened, etc etc - no.
Thanks for the posts, interesting reading. I guess one person's view is different from the next.
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lol I agree Cali. Its not hard to text someone unless you're doing something that involves both hands, your eyes, and your brain. While I often go off the deep end myself when things don't go as planned, I usually keep that initial jump to myself. Then I take a deep breath and before I involve the other person I ask myself if my feelings are directly proportional to what actually happend. lol You called the man a rude prick because he was saving a child's life and you got selfishly impatient. You did him a favor tho. You obviously don't trust him and its better to let him go than to expect him to jump through hoops to right the imagined slights.
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your response is quite defensive, it does make me wonder if this is how you acted with him. I've got no more use for this topic. ciao.
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Secondly, if you think a Doctor would stop in the middle of a 4 hour emergency surgery to text their partner, Hun you are sadly mistaken. lol If the Dr is talking and says "OMG Hun, huge case in the ER, might be a little late" that partner would think "this is gonna be a long night" and suck it up. If they're mature, flexible, and understanding of course. Hopefully you'll be able to roll with the punches of life that dont always allow intentions to line up with actions soon.
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so if he was a surgeon and was in the middle of a heart transplant, you would expect him to drop everything, text you and let you know that he won't be able to pick up the milk?
gotcha!
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WOW!
GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD!
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lmao I was just about to say how I LOVE your reply "fuck, look at the title...what is there to THINK about....you're playin games"
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"I guess one person's view is different from the next."
Well,not really....it seems we're all seeing it pretty close to the same way.
Thing is,we're all Tau's....and we know how we operate.
We focus on getting the job done,so we can get home to you...not a play by play of each step on the phone.
And deny it all you want...but most Tau's don't blow up at the drop of a hat like that...it build's over time usually with good reason.
I'm all for reciprocity myself,when possible.but on the other side of that should be understanding and forgiveness.
We are easy going,we don't get our panties in a bunch...and don't want to spend much time digging yours out.
If you read those words he said to you....I will go find them for you....you can tell he's been feeling that for awhile.
"Him "Goodbye Elle, You just don't get it. It's not about you. You go find a man that will bow down to your world."
""you are pathetic, like a child. Face reality. Look at the texts I sent you. I'm not going to lie down and take shit over this situation. Grow up Elle. I ain't coming back to you. Let me be the man who tells you that it aint okay to be a self absorbed bitch. And that is what you are"."
That did not just develop during this fight hun,those are pretty strong feelings that have been brewing.
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Well, there goes the whole, 'Aqua's are humanitarians myth'.
I'm an Aries married to a Taurus. My relationship has made me grow by teaching me to be less selfish, have patience and look beyond the immediate. I was so much about what are you doing for me now but he was worth it, so I checked my ass when I wanted to go off on him like the demanding child I can be. I guess the worse thing I can say to you is you acted like an Aries! Tongue
Sometimes you have to pull back and understand. Gain perspective and think is this worth a major battle to the point of tossing all that you have away?
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Holy hell.
I never thought it'd be possible to feel mad and relieved at the same time.
Its so strange.
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NZ I'm curious...Why didn't you eat dinner, do what you had to do after dinner and take your ass to bed after you realized he wasn't coming? Allow him to come bond a little and then let him have it, for example, honey (insert pet name) let me explain something to you, not calling when you're going to be late makes me feel like you don't care about our plans, next time text me to let me know you are not going to make it, I have things to do with my time, thanks kiss kiss go to sleep all is well....
That whole fight was over the top and could have been avoided but the fact that you went off on him like you did begs one to wonder if you just aren't that happy in the relationship to begin with, you came off completely codependent in this situation and I wonder what that is all about.
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The whole "Helping Victims of Child Abuse" line of work brought things crashing down OUT of your favour.
From what I can tell (from your post) you've had some shit simmering yourself, NZ, with the whole "he doesn't like ME to be late" line of argument.
The timing, of course, was wrong.
You should've been more understanding given that the helpless were involved.
Unless of course a scenario involving the reverse happened before and HE reacted the same way to you.
But I'm not here to give you something to latch on to (since none of us will ever know the truth).
Learn from this.
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Why are y'all blaming her for his behavior? He didn't get mad because she called him a rude prick. He got mad because she told him don't worry about coming over @10:00 at night. I would have told him the same.
If you KNOW someone is waiting on you, you don't let three hours go by with no word. It doesn't matter how busy you are. All it takes is a few seconds to text. What would have been so hard by texting
"hey babe, im not sure if im going to make it in time. this case looks like it will take up more time than planned. i may or may not make it but don't wait up."
I thought of and typed that in less than a minute. I can't believe yall are cutting this dude slack. Then to continue to verbally abuse her after-the-fact makes me think he's guilty of something. No way you do something good for someone then get so angry at someone else, someone you claim to love, after. That makes no sense at all.
She handled it much better than I would have. More than her learning something, he hopefully learned to keep people in the know if they are waiting. Three hours is a long time.
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no one is excusing his behavior. i have said that the guy is a dick for not having messaged her, but regardless of his behavior, her actions threw a match on his gasoline. given she is the one who's here, we can only speak to how she can remedy her behavior and effectually change his.
people will piss you the fuck off. how you choose to deal with it is up to you. if she didn't want an end to this relationship, then she would find ways to diffuse situations and work through issues like adults.
ie, if they were married and the same thing happened, she wouldn't have had the option of telling him not to come home so then what? would she have barricaded herself in the bedroom? fed his food to the dog? pissed in lemonade?
overall, i think if you want someone to wife you, you have to learn how to behave as if you are a life-partner and part of that means not turning small things that can easily be resolved into big to-do's.
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Knowing someone is waiting for you and leaving them hanging with no word for three hours is not a small thing imo. He'd want proper treatment if the shoe was on the other foot, yet she doesn't deserve it? Yall really think this guy wouldn't throw a worse fit than she did if this happened to him? Please.
It's not just all about her getting wifed up and being the perfect life-partner, it's about him being a good potential husband and life-partner as well. Hopefully, he wouldn't do that to his wife if he was married. Someone saying "f#@ $ you" over and over again, just because you said don't worry about not coming over doesn't put him in the best light either. It seems she would have been a little less irritated if he at-least apologized, but he couldn't even do that.
Also, he's the one that broke it off with her. It could have been a "we'll talk about this tomorrow" from him, but no, he decides to throw his tantrum and end it.
So his timeline... he goes for three hours without calling, doesn't apologize but asks to come over, verbally abuses the girl, calls back and curses her out again, then decides its over.
Yet, she needs to work on how she handles things, oh yeah, if she wants to get wifed up.
btw, are they engaged or something?
They both could work on some things if that's the case, but he needs to control his temper and show a little more courtesy.
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So his initial "A case came up" wasnt any indication their plans wouldnt line up? Im just curious....because that text WAS informing her that he wouldnt be able to be there as she expected him. The fact that she expected a play by play when he told her the game just goes to show she doesn't trust him. She didnt say he ever asked her for a play by play. He asked her to let him know when she is going to be late, and he did this...by telling her that he had recieved a late case. The point that she stated it "RARELY HAPPENS" goes it show its less about his actions and more about her insecurity. He saw through it just like most of the Tauruses responding do. lol like it was said before, Geminis do the same bullcrap. They will ALWAYS try to make it out to be your problem that they have insecurity issues or even worse they'll make it seen like it was in your best interest for them to drive you insane...but it all comes back to THEIR issue.
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He wasnt "abusive to her" without her being disrespectful to him and the work he was doing. SHE CALLED HIM A RUDE PRICK FOR SAVING A CHILDS LIFE, FOR AS HE PUT IT "CHOOSING TO SAVE THAT CHILD LIFE" AS HE WOULD DO EVERYTIME. Breaking it off with her was less about her and more about the work that he is OBVIOUSLY passionate ,and rightly so, about. He doesnt have time to worry about a almost 40 year old woman sitting at home crying because she had to eat dinner alone as if shes never done it before or it will never have to again. Its about insecurity and insensitivity, atleast in my opinion and obviously his.
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It has more to do with his game playing than her insecurities. Even after he said the case just came in, he said he would finish it off and be there soon. That was at 6:40. She texts him at 8:50. He reads the text and decides not to answer. Why? She doesn't hear from him again until 9:40. If you have time to read the text, you have time to reply back and say that you may not make it in time. He was being an a@@. It has nothing to do with no play by play. If she's insecure, all he did was play a slick game by feeding her insecurity, which makes me wonder why would he even do that?
She didn't call him a rude prick for saving a child's life. She didn't know he did that because he never replied back and kept her in the know of what was going on. Come on, she called him a rude prick for keeping her waiting with no word for three hours. If you and him can't make those kind of connections then, yeah, I guess it makes sense to y'all for a reason to blow-up. One has nothing to do with the other. It's as if it's being said I have right to ignore you or treat you however I want because I'm helping fight a cause. If you can't multi-task by sending a simple text then a relationship is not needed.
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...lol Like I said, he probably did himself a favor, hopefully he doesnt pick up with someone with the same insecurities.
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Posted by SweetestFatale
...lol Like I said, he probably did himself a favor, hopefully he doesnt pick up with someone with the same insecurities.


He will. He's a Taurus, and they aren't the most secure themselves from what I read.
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Posted by lnana04
It has more to do with his game playing than her insecurities. Even after he said the case just came in, he said he would finish it off and be there soon. That was at 6:40. She texts him at 8:50. He reads the text and decides not to answer. Why? She doesn't hear from him again until 9:40. If you have time to read the text, you have time to reply back and say that you may not make it in time. He was being an a@@. It has nothing to do with no play by play. If she's insecure, all he did was play a slick game by feeding her insecurity, which makes me wonder why would he even do that?
She didn't call him a rude prick for saving a child's life. She didn't know he did that because he never replied back and kept her in the know of what was going on. Come on, she called him a rude prick for keeping her waiting with no word for three hours. If you and him can't make those kind of connections then, yeah, I guess it makes sense to y'all for a reason to blow-up. One has nothing to do with the other. It's as if it's being said I have right to ignore you or treat you however I want because I'm helping fight a cause. If you can't multi-task by sending a simple text then a relationship is not needed.



you are soooooooo missing the point.
as i have said, REPEATEDLY, he's a dick. just because he's a dick, doesn't mean she needs to in-turn be a bitch. she should have waited and handled it face-to-face. i think most all of us agree on this?
now whether or not he's an asshole and needs to be ex'd regardless is a whole nother issue. but his lack of courtesy could have easily been resolved in a simple conversation and thus, calling him a prick was unnecessary.

either way, i say that she's needy and childish.
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NZAqua, I'm a bullette who has been in a relationship with a bull for a year. Been knowing him for about 5. It takes a LOT of patience to be in committed relationship with a bull. They are hands-down, the most challenging men of the zodiac but the pay-off is worth it.
Your bull was inconsiderate. We all agree. My bull has, does and will do exactly what your bull did. You will NOT get a bull's respect by being temperamental.
What you must understand about Tau-men is that they are the 'quintessential man': rugged, masculine, with huge tender hearts. They need, no, absolutely have to have women who are secure, solid and unwaveringly in their corner. And by secure I mean that you are confident to know that his commitment brings with it his love and respect for you.
If your bull is a GOOD MAN, you have to be willing to forgive him his times of inconsideration and know that he is not intentionally meaning you harm. I can bet your last dollar, he already felt horrible for not being able to respond to your texts, for not calling you back timely and for missing out on dinner. What he most wanted from HIS WOMAN when he called and asked if you still wanted him to come over, was an excited voice saying, "sure baby, I missed you and I can't wait to see you." If you had done this (I promise) there is nothing this man wouldn't do for you.
***DISCLAIMER: This applies to the Bull. Only heed, if you want to bask in the adoration of one of these beautiful men!!!
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I totally concur with sweetfatale and caligula...It's more about her and how she chose to handle the whole situation with him, men can be assholes sometimes but that doesn't mean we lose ourselves and become reactive like little children, it doesn't mean allow a man to CONTROL US BY CONTROLLING OUR MOODS, we don't have to allow men to control our feelings by how they behave, clearly she's upset about how he behaved but she's not his mother and she's not entitled to get her way with him all the time but she could have addressed his behavior in a way that says my time and efforts are important and I'm just important as you are so don't let it happen again.
Her reaction was way over the top, I'm an Aquarius, I use to to let shit slide many moons ago, I would look the other way in my personal relationships to avoid conflict and so I taught men how to treat me and b/c I wouldn't address those little issues my intense need to be validate would build and build and build but never resolved until one day I would explode and my reaction would be over the top and I believe NZ has been holding some stuff in and looking the other way and thus chose to let him have it, I come to this conclusion b/c her reaction was totally disproportionate to what was going on, I wouldn't have called the man a prick unless I was upset about what he's done in the past and presently what he's doing to me in the relationship right now today.
IMO the whole thing could have been handled better on both sides but the only one we can control is ourselves, she didn't make things better between them she made things worse and if being with him and being close and connected is what she wants with a man well she won't get it by chastising a man for being late and sometimes a man will test to see if a woman is mature enough to handle the hard stuff and clearly NZ is not prepared to deal with the hard stuff without reacting in a hostile defensive way by name calling and making him feel like shit, a man would much rather leave than deal with that shit b/c he know if he married her he'd be miserable.
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caligula, I get the point.
I just think it's going back to square one to have to sit down face-to-face and tell someone how/why it's rude to have you waiting for three hours with no call. You'd think after dating someone, the courtesy to let your significant other know what's going on would be embedded by now. I agree with tiki, that it was probably something building, but obviously between them both. I'm not sure if it's as much about allowing men to control our moods, as it is about being frustrated that you still have to go over little stuff like this. He understands it, clearly, because he asks her to be considerate when the shoe is on his foot. He doesn't like being in that position, but it's okay to put her in it?
I understand the whole thing on handling it better, but more than anything, I understand her frustration. Imo, if it was me, I would really feel like I was working backwards.
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"He understands it, clearly, because he asks her to be considerate when the shoe is on his foot. He doesn't like being in that position, but it's okay to put her in it?"
You do understand we are only getting one side,from one participant right? we don't know how many times the shoe has actually been on the other foot....or how they normally communicate in the first place.
Bringing astrology in to it as always....their sun's (ego's) are already square...if their mercury's (communication) are in hard aspect as well....it ain't ever gonna work anyhow.They can't understand each other on a basic level.

Taurus 101....save the drama for your mama.
Once your reach our fill line on that...you're done.
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I see your point Inana and unfortunately sometimes we women find ourselves having to deal with the assbackward insensitive behavior from men but unless we know how to approach these hard situations, if approached wrong the relationship will end and can end (just like that).
She can't control him and calling him names won't make him validate her and respect her but what it will do is make him feel he's responsible for her happiness and end it with her, if a woman doesn't want to keep her man then by all means cuss his ass out, rip him a new one and move on but if she truly desires to stay in her relationship she'll have to find a better way to relate how she feels without making him feel responsible. IMO all NZ did was let him know she can't go on without him, her happiness and moods are based on what he's doing and not doing and she's going to throw a temper tantrum every time he does something she doesn't like.
Maturity plays a huge part in if a relationship will survive and move forward, if he appears to be behaving in an inconsiderate immature way then her meeting that behavior with the same kind of energy WON'T WORK but what it will do is create separation.
We all have times in our relationships where the men just don't seem to care or get rude or try to date and flirt with women in our faces or behind our backs but what a woman don't wanna do is let what he's doing fuck up her mood and control her life. He's late so fucking what, her attitude could be different thus having a different outcome, such as nothing I can do about him being late, nothing I can do about him not text messaging, I'm still happy, I'm okay, I'll address it in the morning, get over it and go to bed.
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Posted by lnana04
caligula, I get the point.
I just think it's going back to square one to have to sit down face-to-face and tell someone how/why it's rude to have you waiting for three hours with no call. You'd think after dating someone, the courtesy to let your significant other know what's going on would be embedded by now. I agree with tiki, that it was probably something building, but obviously between them both. I'm not sure if it's as much about allowing men to control our moods, as it is about being frustrated that you still have to go over little stuff like this. He understands it, clearly, because he asks her to be considerate when the shoe is on his foot. He doesn't like being in that position, but it's okay to put her in it?
I understand the whole thing on handling it better, but more than anything, I understand her frustration. Imo, if it was me, I would really feel like I was working backwards.



i get it! he didn't find and kill bin laden, so he could have txt her. we all get that Tongue
what i find strange about you is that you want to uphold her perspective as if regardless of the outcome, she did the "right" thing.
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Posted by caligula
Posted by lnana04
caligula, I get the point.
I just think it's going back to square one to have to sit down face-to-face and tell someone how/why it's rude to have you waiting for three hours with no call. You'd think after dating someone, the courtesy to let your significant other know what's going on would be embedded by now. I agree with tiki, that it was probably something building, but obviously between them both. I'm not sure if it's as much about allowing men to control our moods, as it is about being frustrated that you still have to go over little stuff like this. He understands it, clearly, because he asks her to be considerate when the shoe is on his foot. He doesn't like being in that position, but it's okay to put her in it?
I understand the whole thing on handling it better, but more than anything, I understand her frustration. Imo, if it was me, I would really feel like I was working backwards.



i get it! he didn't find and kill bin laden, so he could have txt her. we all get that Tongue
what i find strange about you is that you want to uphold her perspective as if regardless of the outcome, she did the "right" thing.
click to expand


What I find strange about some of you is that you all can call her immature, insecure, childish, needy etc. yet try and tell her she needs to learn how to stop the name calling and react to the situation like an adult. That's what sets me off because the replies are the opposite of what you all claim she needs to be in her situation.
As far as her doing the right or wrong thing, I'd say she was more in the right then he was. I would have been worse if I was in the situation, so of course I'm on her side because I don't think she overreacted at all. Not only is she suppose to sit there and wait for three hours, she's also suppose to calmly agree to see him and pretend she's not upset about it? All so she can be viewed as mature and able to handle a situation in his eyes. Just freakin much, but don't listen to me NZ. I'd definitely have you single, like I am lol, because I get highly irritated about things like this, especially when the person know they ain't doing right.
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We are not right wingers (least I'm not, I probably was many moons ago)...It's not about he's wrong I'm right or the relationship won't work. Yes we do things that appear wrong to our mates but calling names/over reacting won't solve anything, it'll inevitably break the relationship apart. Something so small as being late on his part and not communicating and her over reacting by name calling ended this relationship. Hopefully they'll patch things up once they cool down.
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Posted by lnana04

What I find strange about some of you is that you all can call her immature, insecure, childish, needy etc. yet try and tell her she needs to learn how to stop the name calling and react to the situation like an adult. That's what sets me off because the replies are the opposite of what you all claim she needs to be in her situation.
As far as her doing the right or wrong thing, I'd say she was more in the right then he was. I would have been worse if I was in the situation, so of course I'm on her side because I don't think she overreacted at all. Not only is she suppose to sit there and wait for three hours, she's also suppose to calmly agree to see him and pretend she's not upset about it? All so she can be viewed as mature and able to handle a situation in his eyes. Just freakin much, but don't listen to me NZ. I'd definitely have you single, like I am lol, because I get highly irritated about things like this, especially when the person know they ain't doing right.



so essentially, you're a "right fighter" as dr. phil calls it.
it doesn't matter if your stance is non-productive, all that matters to you is that you're 51% + right and therefore, the other person must bow to your will.
enjoy being single!
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