What's wrong with me?

This topic was created in the Taurus forum by Anon310 on Sunday, November 6, 2011 and has 36 replies.
I'm not even sure where to start this...Ever since I can remember I have never been the female that had a pack of guys lined up @ my door wanting to date me. I've never been the girl who goes out somewhere and has random guys just approach me and ask me for my number. The few relationships I've had started out as being friends, which is cool I guess but in a few instances it got so far into the friendzone that nothing much else ever came from it. When I was younger I was ok with being friends with a lot of guys and being the "cool chick". But now that I'm older I feel I have enough guy friends and want men to see me as a woman not just as a friend. It drives me crazy, because I feel like something is very wrong with me. I don't know what it is about me, but I always just end up becoming the friend. Then if I confess I like a guy I'm the one getting rejected and being told "I like you as a friend". It's frustrating because I'm already so critical of myself anyway so it just further confirms for me that maybe I'm just not that attractive to most men..I don't know. My last relationship was with a scorpio male for about 6 yrs and we have two kids together. Sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake by leaving him because now I'm alone and once again the vicious cycle of meeting a guy I like, being cool with him and not being the typical female..then bam stuck in the friendzone...ugh.
I know it sounds like this should go on to a relationship board, but I was just really wanting to know if any other Taurus females have gone through this same thing...or is it perhaps just a problem I have all by my lonesome?
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You sound like me. Or you get this wonderful phrase(s) "If only women were more like you" or some similar globber like you're marvelous ..with the internal BUT! With me though it's as if they think too highly of me that they forget I am a woman with needs. Physical, mental and all the rest. I'm on some pedestal for some reason and the heavens open and angelic voices burst into song.
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Girly, nothing is wrong with you. I can relate, as its easier for me to become the "homegirl" or the girl that still need to be protected quicker than anything else.
I'm thinking you would have luck with other earth signs as we all seem to prefer starting out as friends first, or try a Cancer maybe.
I just figure earth girls are relate-able and comfortable which prevents a lot of the airs people put on when dating or meeting people. Just continue to be who you are and someone that accepts and appreciate you will show up.
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Thank you ladies, you don't know how relieved I am to know that I'm not alone. My friends are jealous of the fact that I can be so comfortable around men and be friends with them, but in turn I get jealous of them because men hit on them and ask them for dates. I do often get teased though by my best friend because she said at least once a month one of my good guy friends will profess their undying love for me. LOL! Of course that is an exaggeration but in the past I have had my good guy friends tell me that they have always liked me or if they didn't have this or that I'd be theirs. I mean, I feel like I literally have to put in work just to get these mean to like me in a more romantic way.
I think I will take your advice lnana04 and maybe just deal with earth sign men. But it's so hard because I find myself more attracted to the fire and air signs..oh and lets not forget the good ole' water signs. I will say though that one of my ex's was an aquarius and while we did become friends first, that stage didn't last but a few weeks.
I will admit though that I'm do tend to down play my femininity and not look too pretty because I start to feel uncomfortable with attention. It's like I want the attention, but can't handle it when it comes. Do you ladies have any tips on how to still be the cool chick, but also get things moving a little faster on the romance side?
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Posted by everevolvingepithet
Wait for an old fashioned gentleman type to snap you up ?


Do those types still exist anymore? I know we're in a day and age where women can be just as aggressive as men, but I've done my fair share of chasing and I just decided that I'm not doing that any longer...especially when I have women in my life who don't have to chase and men just kind of fall into their laps.
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when in doubt, just find a Scorpio. Tongue
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Posted by Minotaur
when in doubt, just find a Scorpio. Tongue


LOL, oh no I'm done with them for good Tongue
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Posted by Anon310
What's wrong with me?



you, tell us.
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Posted by ellessque
Confused


lol this smilie is awesome. Confused Tongue
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Posted by everevolvingepithet
Wait for an old fashioned gentleman type to snap you up ?


Yes, where are they Bling...TALK! *shinging bright light in your face*
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I suppose you shouldn't be fed after midnight as well? LOL Oh you'll talk alright schee..you'll sching like a boid. *taking fist and rubbing it into palm*
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Zere are vays to torture you man, now TALK! Ve can do zees ze easy vay, or ve can do zeez ze hard vay, your choice.
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HAHAHAHA! Wise choice sir. Now I don't have to lash you to a chair and make a HAM. Big Grin
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Well you know it too. smile
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Well not to sound shallow, but are you a bit overweight? Maybe your girl friends are making you look bad if they are thinner or more attractive than you >.
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What the?!
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"I will admit though that I'm do tend to down play my femininity and not look too pretty because I start to feel uncomfortable with attention. It's like I want the attention, but can't handle it when it comes. Do you ladies have any tips on how to still be the cool chick, but also get things moving a little faster on the romance side?"
This is the problem. Learn how to deal with the attention rather than disguise yourself. Come into your own and embrace your gorgeousness and become the judge of who is deemed worthy of your attentions Tongue. It's fun. REally, it is! Pay attention to your appearance and make an extra effort. You can still be cool, sweet and down to earth whilst being ravishing. If you want flies (men) then ya gotta attract them and what does that but good ole fashioned femininity which is your birthright darlin. Venus is getting a bit pissy with you for disregarding her gifts. Use them wisely. Winking
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And the mixer..it has different attachments.
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'Well not to sound shallow, but are you a bit overweight? Maybe your girl friends are making you look bad if they are thinner or more attractive than you >.
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.......
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<"`dbk`e.
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Posted by nimbue
'Well not to sound shallow, but are you a bit overweight? Maybe your girl friends are making you look bad if they are thinner or more attractive than you >.
It's the truth. If she is the plain jane or overweight friend amongst her group of thin/dolled up friends, she will always be overlooked by men. It's like the short plain guy amongst his group of tall good looking friends... no woman is going to choose him if they see him around his friends.
Anyways, if that is the case and her personality is already fine, then the only solution is to lose weight, glam up, or switch friends.
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so, to snare a man...the op should compete with her friends...look like a caricature of herself...and change her size, if that were needed.
not consider her perception, or the type of men she comes into contact with and her approach to dating itself. it's got fuck all to do with looks.
in the scenarios you're talking about, based on face value alone and who has enough of their tits out that night, then yes somebody who doesn't look that way will be overlooked. the pursuit will be about sex, and sex alone. the op is talking about relationships and if you don't know the difference, i feel sorry for you.
oh, and if you've never seen a fat, short guy work a room and get all the girls then i suggest you get out more.
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Yes indeed. One of my bosses at work ( Pisces ) is a complete teddy bear. He is broad as a tank and has a pokey puppy tummy. Know what? The man oozes appeal out of every pore. His woman is a teeny scrap of fairy flesh, a Taurus. The point is, he's not what many would consider classically handsome and it matters not a bit. If he were single he'd yoke every girl in a room and then some.
And one thing about Taurus women, or maybe just this one. I do not compete. I stand on my own merit. If you likes, fabulous, if you don't oh well. I wouldn't lower myself to engage in nonsense. It's not about playing the game, it's about completely being switched on in my own skin and expecting someone else to recognize quality when he sees it.
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Posted by venusianbull

And one thing about Taurus women, or maybe just this one. I do not compete. I stand on my own merit. If you likes, fabulous, if you don't oh well. I wouldn't lower myself to engage in nonsense. It's not about playing the game, it's about completely being switched on in my own skin and expecting someone else to recognize quality when he sees it.


that's the money shot right there
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Posted by nimbue
so, to snare a man...the op should compete with her friends...look like a caricature of herself...and change her size, if that were needed.
not consider her perception, or the type of men she comes into contact with and her approach to dating itself. it's got fuck all to do with looks.
in the scenarios you're talking about, based on face value alone and who has enough of their tits out that night, then yes somebody who doesn't look that way will be overlooked. the pursuit will be about sex, and sex alone. the op is talking about relationships and if you don't know the difference, i feel sorry for you.
oh, and if you've never seen a fat, short guy work a room and get all the girls then i suggest you get out more.


Of course it has everything to do with looks. Most men don't want a serious relationship with an overweight/frumpy girlfriend. Isn't that obvious?
The type of man OP likes is not going to change overnight - she can't help what she is attracted to. It's easier for her to take the initiative and improve upon her appearance, which she already stated is lacking in maintenance.
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just for you, i'll bring in an anecdote Winking
cap girl. her man leaves her for a leo who by most standards of physical beauty, isn't much to look at. 'frumpy and overweight', especially in comparision to the cap. they're now engaged and he hasn't come crawling back to the cap girl as everybody predicted he would.
not me, though. i knew he wouldn't be back. the new girl doesn't insult his family, make unreasonable demands on him, play mind games, manipulate, criticise or belittle him. ever. in the end, beauty lost to the beast. figure that one out then come back and tell me you are right.
if the op did state that, then i must have missed it. but i do think that would boost her confidence, which would in turn boost her overall attractiveness-which again, has nothing to do with looks, but the kind of energy you project to others.
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Posted by nimbue
just for you, i'll bring in an anecdote Winking
cap girl. her man leaves her for a leo who by most standards of physical beauty, isn't much to look at. 'frumpy and overweight', especially in comparision to the cap. they're now engaged and he hasn't come crawling back to the cap girl as everybody predicted he would.
not me, though. i knew he wouldn't be back. the new girl doesn't insult his family, make unreasonable demands on him, play mind games, manipulate, criticise or belittle him. ever. in the end, beauty lost to the beast. figure that one out then come back and tell me you are right.
if the op did state that, then i must have missed it. but i do think that would boost her confidence, which would in turn boost her overall attractiveness-which again, has nothing to do with looks, but the kind of energy you project to others.



This is a rare case, and there are always exceptions, but in OP's case what she has been doing her entire life has not worked out for her. Now it's either her, or the men she is attracted to that needs to change.
As far as the engaged couple, he may be doing a 180 because he wants to be with someone the complete opposite personality wise and thinks he must downgrade in the appearance department. Most likely his Cap ex was far better looking than him and did not meet his needs emotionally and he felt second best around her. So in turn, he settles for someone less attractive that he perceives may be easier to control since he had no control in the previous relationship. He won't be satisfied for long though, because he will always long for that thin pretty girl he has had in the past, and will slowly resent his wife for not being up to his own superficial standards that he had to give up for a better personality.
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it's not rare in the circle of people i know. the less attractive girls (which really, is subjective anyway) have a different mindset to the girls who rely on their looks to attract a man, then do not know what to do with him once the reality of building a relationship sets in. looks can get you through the door, but you're out on your arse if you have nothing substantial to offer, for the men who want to pursue a meaningful relationship.
the leo is no doormat, from what i've heard. besides, i'd be willing to bet there are things about the leo he finds attractive, whether it's her smile, eyes, hands. men are good at honing in on the parts of a woman they like and dismissing others. plus, he fucks her. to some extent he finds her attractive.
actually, both cap and her libra ex were evenly matched in terms of looks.
i agree that the op or men she's attracted to needs to change, but it doesn't begin and end with how she looks. that's only the beginning, if it's a confidence issue, which it might not be. some women naturally relate to men as friends better, so it's about tapping into their inner sex appeal and approaching dating with a new knowledge of self.
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Posted by nimbue
it's not rare in the circle of people i know. the less attractive girls (which really, is subjective anyway) have a different mindset to the girls who rely on their looks to attract a man, then do not know what to do with him once the reality of building a relationship sets in. looks can get you through the door, but you're out on your arse if you have nothing substantial to offer, for the men who want to pursue a meaningful relationship.
the leo is no doormat, from what i've heard. besides, i'd be willing to bet there are things about the leo he finds attractive, whether it's her smile, eyes, hands. men are good at honing in on the parts of a woman they like and dismissing others. plus, he fucks her. to some extent he finds her attractive.
actually, both cap and her libra ex were evenly matched in terms of looks.
i agree that the op or men she's attracted to needs to change, but it doesn't begin and end with how she looks. that's only the beginning, if it's a confidence issue, which it might not be. some women naturally relate to men as friends better, so it's about tapping into their inner sex appeal and approaching dating with a new knowledge of self.


Well, I have a Sag friend that is engaged to an average looking (albeit rich and nicely dressed) Aqua man and she is beautiful, but has a history of going through men like tissues. Her saving grace is she has charm, is an excellent chef, a go-getter, model, and fits the qualifications of a trophy wife. However, the negatives is she is very selfish and demanding, and I'm quite sure her fiance is not getting his emotional needs met entirely. He will marry her because she is the most beautiful woman he has dated, but this does not guarantee he will not cheat on her throughout the marriage or leave her for someone better looking. I think either way, there's just no winning.
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I agree with Mistery 100% . You have to be comfortable with your loveliness, that depsite what some obviously closeminded people on this board think, comes in many various shapes and sizes. I generally always had a lot of male attention, friends and otherwise, but I didnt really start attracting the types of guys I wanted until I started to embrace the aspects of myself that best fit them. For example, I am a smart woman and wanted a genuinely cerebral man. I took the opportunity to find comfort and peace and true confidence in my intelligence (rather than the assholish defense mechanism that caused me to be a know it all). I accepted that I am a "cute girl" and decided to make the most of it. I think that when a man sees you embracing yourself he gets the idea from you that its a fun uplifting experience. When he sees you being cool and nonchalant, then he will return that too.
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Ok, so I'm back. I've read everybody's post and I appreciate the feedback. I changed my profile pic to one I took last Saturday on my webcam after I got my hair cut and colored. So that's what I look like. As far as weight, yes I can stand to lose some weight, which I'm working on because I want to be a healthy mom for my children..not to attract men.
I really do think part of my problem is that I'm attracted to the wrong type of men, I tend to like white guys and only a few I've met can really appreciate a women with a few extra pounds. And as far as my friends go, I have friend's that are bigger then me, but they have no problem getting men. I think it has more to do with my lack of self-confidence and being comfortable with who I am. But I am working on it and I'm also working on being more flirty instead of just acting like one of the guys. If it works who knows, but there's nothing wrong with having better confidence in myself anyway even if it doesn't get me the type of guys I like.
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Thats a great way to look at it Anon. Always love yourself for yourself before you consider how others will feel about it. Some people wont like you being more confident because looking down on you might have created a boost for them (which totally sucks). Believe that there is someone out there who is what you want and need who knows you are what they want and need. Most guys dont have to appreciate you as long as there is one whom you appreciate who appreciates you just as much. Confidence makes all the difference in the world. Nothing looks better on a curvy girl than CONFIDENCE. Look to other beautiful successful "bigger" women to build your confidence and self assurance while assessing how you can be a healthier happier you. Always create YOUR happy place first and let your companion be the "-er" to your happi-". There's nothing "wrong" with you, it seems. You're human and there is no human designed without the ability and blessing of growth.
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Your fabulous no matter what size, find creative ways to meet men that can appreciate how you look instead of chasing men that want skinny women, you'll always be friend zoned by men that only want skinny/average no larger than a size 10 or 12 type women, if your plus size then you may have to get on a few plus size dating sights/forums that cater specifically to bbw and men who are attracted to bbw women. Lose weight for you, don't do it to get a man or you'll never be successful at losing and keeping it off. Just be happy with yourself, be confident that you are beautiful and a man will love you just as much as you love yourself or more.
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you're not your
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I agree. Anon you're lovely, and I'm more than sure you can rock the HELL out of some apple bottom jeans.
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