Where to go with this Taurus man...
This topic was created in the Taurus forum by Kathleencancer27 on Monday, September 10, 2012 and has 9 replies.
Hi all! I'm new here and hoping you can offer me some insight. I'm a cancer. Ive known this taurus man for 8 years. we initially met through mutual friends and he pursue me pretty quickly. I denied his advances though I felt some sort of odd connection. For about a month after that we despised each other. Then one night after A LOT of drinking we slept together. I still didnt accept his advances and he eventually started dating my friend. Once that happened him and I actually became best friends. We hung out all the time and did stuff together constantly-but it was never sexual.
fast forward a year and a half. I found myself having feelings for him. I never revealed them as he was dating my friend. She cheated pretty constantly (he had also cheated on her) and im pretty sure theres was just a relationship of convenience. Well, one night he called me drunk and told me that all this time he had wished it was me. He said he loved me and wished he could be with me...shortly after we slept together again. It only happened once because I felt some intense guilt that I tried to quell by telling myself she was at that moment having an affair with one of his friends...but I know it was wrong.
Shortly after that happened he got in trouble for a stupid thing he did. (i was actually doing the same things, just didnt get caught.) He was gone for 5 years. For the first year and a half we stayed in contact. During that time I had a daughter, went back to school and all around grew up. My life did a 180. at some point I changed my number and we lost contact.
Fast forward again 3 1/2 years. He came home and searched and searched until he found my number from a mutual friend. He called me and said all this time he had missed me and wanted to be with me. I told him I would need to see that he'd changed certain aspects of his life before I could let him in. After that talk he called and texted me for four months but I ignored him because I was afraid of my feelings and was uncertain if he'd changed (i had been single for 4 years at this point). I found out that he eventually went back to his old girlfriend even though he had told me he wouldnt do that if I told him I would be with him. Long story a little bit shorter- I finally connected with him this past june and we started hanging out and talking. He constantly told me he loved me, wanted to be with me all that jazz. He got me to tear my wall down slowly. He has shown me that he's made many of the needed changes
fast forward a year and a half. I found myself having feelings for him. I never revealed them as he was dating my friend. She cheated pretty constantly (he had also cheated on her) and im pretty sure theres was just a relationship of convenience. Well, one night he called me drunk and told me that all this time he had wished it was me. He said he loved me and wished he could be with me...shortly after we slept together again. It only happened once because I felt some intense guilt that I tried to quell by telling myself she was at that moment having an affair with one of his friends...but I know it was wrong.
Shortly after that happened he got in trouble for a stupid thing he did. (i was actually doing the same things, just didnt get caught.) He was gone for 5 years. For the first year and a half we stayed in contact. During that time I had a daughter, went back to school and all around grew up. My life did a 180. at some point I changed my number and we lost contact.
Fast forward again 3 1/2 years. He came home and searched and searched until he found my number from a mutual friend. He called me and said all this time he had missed me and wanted to be with me. I told him I would need to see that he'd changed certain aspects of his life before I could let him in. After that talk he called and texted me for four months but I ignored him because I was afraid of my feelings and was uncertain if he'd changed (i had been single for 4 years at this point). I found out that he eventually went back to his old girlfriend even though he had told me he wouldnt do that if I told him I would be with him. Long story a little bit shorter- I finally connected with him this past june and we started hanging out and talking. He constantly told me he loved me, wanted to be with me all that jazz. He got me to tear my wall down slowly. He has shown me that he's made many of the needed changes
but he was still living with her. He swore if I gave him the word he'd leave. So, he recently left her. That night he stayed with me. The next day we had a talk and he said that he had been gone for 5 years and then went back into a dysfunctional relationship and that now he wanted to be single for a while. He tells me that hes not saying he doesnt want me in his life but that he needs some time to breathe to figure out who he is on his own and get all his stuff together. He told me we dont have to have sex but that he needs me in his corner. He says that he loves me and that if he's going to be in a committed relationship, its going to be with me but that he made a lot of mistakes in that first relationship and he wants to make sure that if we do that that he's going to be ready, with all the cards on the table and not make those same mistakes. He went on about how he missed out on a lot of things that I got to experience because he was "gone" and he just wants to experience some of those things. But he wants me to stay in contact with him...let him take me out to eat sometimes, wants to talk, asked me to help keep him in check, wants to be friends (swears sex isnt necessary even though its mind blowing) and has basically said he needs me to let him breathe for a little bit.
At first I freaked out and tried to completely control the situation and we talked about that too. I guess the problem is, I do understand where he's coming from. His last relationship was with someone who cheated constantly and treated him like garbage. She always talked about how his job wasnt good enough, he didnt make enough money and other things like that. I think he has issues with the fact that while away I changed my number and we lost conact. He's said he understands but when talking its become clear that he felt like I abandoned him when he needed me. He swears that had I told him as soon as he found me that I wanted to be with him too that he would have never gone back to her and we would have been able to work out the relationship.
Sorry this was so rediculously long. I guess I just want some advice from you taurus experts out there. Am i just being a gullible cancer whos hoping for more than she should. Is he just playing me and using me as a back up plan...or does he really just need some time to figure himself out before making a major commitment. I loved him 7 years ago and it took me this long to even admit it. I want to wait but I want to run
At first I freaked out and tried to completely control the situation and we talked about that too. I guess the problem is, I do understand where he's coming from. His last relationship was with someone who cheated constantly and treated him like garbage. She always talked about how his job wasnt good enough, he didnt make enough money and other things like that. I think he has issues with the fact that while away I changed my number and we lost conact. He's said he understands but when talking its become clear that he felt like I abandoned him when he needed me. He swears that had I told him as soon as he found me that I wanted to be with him too that he would have never gone back to her and we would have been able to work out the relationship.
Sorry this was so rediculously long. I guess I just want some advice from you taurus experts out there. Am i just being a gullible cancer whos hoping for more than she should. Is he just playing me and using me as a back up plan...or does he really just need some time to figure himself out before making a major commitment. I loved him 7 years ago and it took me this long to even admit it. I want to wait but I want to run
Harry99 - thankyou for your response. My heart has been telling me to give him space and be there for him as a friend. He says we have a friendship also known as a "painship" thats unbreakable because we're two of the weirdest people on earth and we like each other... My cancer nature just takes over and I start thinking of every single terrible possibility there is. He's pointed that out too, and reminded me that I have no control over the situation and to just keep in contact and take care of what I need to do for me. I guess Im just scared that I'll give him the space and he'll run away...
there seems to definitely be a patteen between you, him, and his ex girlfriend/ your ex friend.
he came on to you 1st
you denied him
he then dated your friend
you then became his best friend and slept with him
he went away, came back and called
you ignored him
he then went back to his ex
you then gave him the okay to pursue you
it could seem that you want him most when he's with her. now you are finally giving him the greenlight that he supposedly wanted, now he seems confused lol. maybe the two of you subconciously both like eachother better when shes involved.
im being silly here, but it really does seem to be a pattern. make sure he's over her.
he came on to you 1st
you denied him
he then dated your friend
you then became his best friend and slept with him
he went away, came back and called
you ignored him
he then went back to his ex
you then gave him the okay to pursue you
it could seem that you want him most when he's with her. now you are finally giving him the greenlight that he supposedly wanted, now he seems confused lol. maybe the two of you subconciously both like eachother better when shes involved.
im being silly here, but it really does seem to be a pattern. make sure he's over her.
Interesting perspective. Id be lying if I hadnt thought about this too..when he first came onto me I was kind of cocky and didnt find him to be all that attractive. Once we formed an actual friendship that wasnt based on anything sexual I found that we connected and he suddenly became attractive. When he came home and first got a hold of me again, he told me all about how all that time he had thought about me and wanted me. I asked him if he had talked to his ex and he told me that he had but that at that point it was nothing and that if I wanted to be with him he'd cut her off along and put every effort into us. I knew that I wanted him too...but ive been burned in the past and have a fear of commitment/men now and was afraid he was lying. Deep down I wanted to tell him I'd been thinking about him the whole time too and I loved him so much, but couldnt bring myself to open up like that. So, I ignored him after that in part because I thought he'd ust go away and i wouldnt have to face those feelings. I also wanted him to just cut it off without me having to tell him that I wanted him. Plus, when I talked to my girlfriends the first thing they said was, he has a past, hes not good enough, dont talk to him. I made the mistake of listening to everyone but myself- but he did'nt go away. he contined to pursue me until I finally gave in and went to see him one night.
We just talked and the rest is history I guess. He always asks me why I didnt just tell him then how I felt. Im a very guarded person- Ive chosen to be single for the last 4 1/2 years so I dont have to deal with feelings. But I cant help myself with him. So now, after all that, I have trouble understanding why he would go through all that trouble pursuing me and constantly telling me how much he loves me and wants to be with me if he was just going to end up wanting to be single. I do understand needing space and time to figure yourself out...im just scared that if I give him all this room to breathe that he'll never come back
We just talked and the rest is history I guess. He always asks me why I didnt just tell him then how I felt. Im a very guarded person- Ive chosen to be single for the last 4 1/2 years so I dont have to deal with feelings. But I cant help myself with him. So now, after all that, I have trouble understanding why he would go through all that trouble pursuing me and constantly telling me how much he loves me and wants to be with me if he was just going to end up wanting to be single. I do understand needing space and time to figure yourself out...im just scared that if I give him all this room to breathe that he'll never come back
*that should say cocky, not chickeny.
It may or may not be worth mentioning that when he came home, he didnt really have anyone around. He says he only talked to her in the first place because he had no one else here and he couldnt find me. It took him a little more than 2 months to find me. And during these conversations about space, more than once he's mentioned the fact that I disappeared when he needed me-so is he just trying to make sure now that i wont disappear again, or is he too chicken to tell me he doesnt want it anymore...or does he really need space? Agh!! my brain wont quit
It may or may not be worth mentioning that when he came home, he didnt really have anyone around. He says he only talked to her in the first place because he had no one else here and he couldnt find me. It took him a little more than 2 months to find me. And during these conversations about space, more than once he's mentioned the fact that I disappeared when he needed me-so is he just trying to make sure now that i wont disappear again, or is he too chicken to tell me he doesnt want it anymore...or does he really need space? Agh!! my brain wont quit
chickeny is seriously not the word i keep typing
Profanity filter Crablette. You can turn it off in your preferences. 
Thank you!!
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