Why do you have to play Mr. Nice Guy?

This topic was created in the Taurus forum by OnTheVirg on Monday, July 16, 2018 and has 9 replies.
It's an endearing quality to have, but it more often than not becomes a double edged sword for my Taurus. It isn't for show either. I've seen him go out of his way to help randoms expecting nothing in return. He is drawn to their pain, fear, worry. He is very empathetic, it melts my heart to see him so selfless, it's what drew me to him.

Yet, it can become a bit irritating to watch because he doesn't know how to say no. Like in matters of his business. Simply put, there is a contract-Person breaks the contract, person pays. 9/10 he doesn't force them to pay when they try to fight it. He thinks it will bring in bad PR. He'd rather maintain a superficial relationship and sacrifice financially. That's where we butt heads because it's logic vs. Emotions. But it's about finding a balance. It's business, they will understand that.

Friendship is another area. He won't cut ties, especially, if the friend has wronged him many times. But why keep them around if they're causing you frequent pain and distrust?

He's aware it's become an issue at times, but he doesn't really do much about it. It's a constant internal struggle for him. I mean is your need for maintaining peace that important that you're willing to sacrifice your happiness? Is it more of an ego thing?

I'm learning to let things be over time. I more or less just want to understand...
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my bull was guilty of this for a long time. we never argued over it as it's his business to run as he saw fit but in recent years he is realising that's a bit of a mug's game. he's no longer failing victim to that as much as doesn't feel bad about saying no.

i'd like to think it's my own silent influence having an effect but more likely that he is just getting older and coming to the conclusion that it's a thankless task sometimes.

i'm actually surprised at how much he has changed since i first met him. maybe they just need time to come to the best conclusion at their own pace.
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Posted by jeane

my bull was guilty of this for a long time. we never argued over it as it's his business to run as he saw fit but in recent years he is realising that's a bit of a mug's game. he's no longer failing victim to that as much as doesn't feel bad about saying no.

i'd like to think it's my own silent influence having an effect but more likely that he is just getting older and coming to the conclusion that it's a thankless task sometimes.

i'm actually surprised at how much he has changed since i first met him. maybe they just need time to come to the best conclusion at their own pace.


But did you have to speak up for him to realize it or did he just realize it on his own? I agree it’s his business, therefore, his rules and how he wants to run it. I offer my support how I can. It’s tough to keep silent. Especially if it’s bothering him and he feels the need to express it while asking for my advice. I’d like to think my views has helped a bit. His business is pretty fresh also, and as of recently he’s learning to compromise by asking for a portion of the money he is owed. Then it’s not a total loss, but to a certain extent he still feels bad about it. But that’s money you’re owed, you shouldn’t feel bad about it. I’d call it a step above. It’s just difficult to understand when it doesn’t make sense to me rationally.
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Posted by OnTheVirg

Posted by jeane

my bull was guilty of this for a long time. we never argued over it as it's his business to run as he saw fit but in recent years he is realising that's a bit of a mug's game. he's no longer failing victim to that as much as doesn't feel bad about saying no.

i'd like to think it's my own silent influence having an effect but more likely that he is just getting older and coming to the conclusion that it's a thankless task sometimes.

i'm actually surprised at how much he has changed since i first met him. maybe they just need time to come to the best conclusion at their own pace.


But did you have to speak up for him to realize it or did he just realize it on his own? I agree it’s his business, therefore, his rules and how he wants to run it. I offer my support how I can. It’s tough to keep silent. Especially if it’s bothering him and he feels the need to express it while asking for my advice. I’d like to think my views has helped a bit. His business is pretty fresh also, and as of recently he’s learning to compromise by asking for a portion of the money he is owed. Then it’s not a total loss, but to a certain extent he still feels bad about it. But that’s money you’re owed, you shouldn’t feel bad about it. I’d call it a step above. It’s just difficult to understand when it doesn’t make sense to me rationally.
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he would tell me things and i would commiserate and tell him people are bastards. when he said he was thinking of not doing it anymore, i would enthusiastically encourage him that i thought that was the best plan.

i wouldn't ever tell him what to say or do. a lot of what i do is echo back and talk through the options and give a gentle steer by focusing on certain paths available to him.

i have come to learn that he has to come to these things himself - even if it takes years for the shoe to drop. i trust that he is clever enough to see where he is going wrong and no amount of berating from me will change the pace that he sets. i know he is going to get there eventually. sometimes the best thing for me is just to walk with him until he does.

he told me yesterday, he no longer feels bad about being confident in his worth and setting clear boundaries with people. before it would upset him. now they can get on board or go elsewhere.
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Posted by Apis

I'm guilty of some of this from time to time. For me a mixture of a lot of reasons.

1) I firmly believe you catch more flies with honey than you do vinegar. Its the same reason restaurants comp food for bltchy people (many other industries do this as well) Its actually a business technique. Sometimes its better to pick up dollars rather than trip over pennies. In the long run I have found its better to overlook a few things and make my money up In the next deal with said person, and yes I will tell them "remember that $ X you owe me? Well its getting tacked on here".

Maybe he just needs to examine his business model for ways to make this easier - asking for a percentage upfront?

2) yes, helping people too much can make you feel used, but for me its worth it. In a way it feeds the helpers ego by allowing them to showcase their skills.

3) I usually just let bad friends fade away unless they intentionally cause harm.

Your post reminds me so much of a conversation my ex Virgo and I had when I took early retirement and started the business I'm in now. Be careful to not be too critical of him and his methods. I don't know how long you guys have been in business, but the first 3-5 years are hard, there is a lot of ass kissing that has to be done, things you may take a loss on, that's the price of a good education.

Best advice I can give is to help him think of alternative by being a sounding board, instead of pointing out what you consider a Flaw.



Thanks for your insight.

What makes it feel worth it to you?

We aren’t in a business together, but he has jokingly asked me to help manage it. I take on the role of his cheerleader, his support, I want to see him be successful. He’s in the early stages of his business, so naturally there will be some hardship in the first few years before it can take off. He knows, but is impatient about it. My thinking is if you’re looking for ways to increase your financial growth, but you’re placing those obstacles yourself, then why continue? Using the same method thinking there’ll be different results. To me it’s like trying to fit a square shaped object into a triangular shaped hole. You know it won’t fit, but you’re attempting it anyway.

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Posted by Apr22Taurus

I don't know if it's a ego thing but bulls don't pretend to be nice, we just really are nice people.

I can relate so much to the friendship thing, no matter how many times a friend have wronged me, I don't care. I won't judge a friend over a situation that isn't favorable to me. A friend is a friend no matter what.


So you want to be a doormat?
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Taurus had the biggest heart in the zodiac and is symbolic of the earth in that we like to be a provider of things for people. We feel so much love and care so intensely that we become sympathetic/empathetic to the world and its living creatures. We don’t like to see people or animals in pain or struggling so we’ll go out of our way to help those in need to get them in a better place. Another thing is we hate to be a burden so we’ll do things that avoid us being a burden on people’s lives. The problem with that is those people who we try not being a burden to then become burdens to us causing pain and stress. It can become a double edged sword by making us feel good that we’re doing the right thing by helping out, but at the same time hurt us to our core by the way people use our sympathy/empathy against us Instead of kindly giving it back to us.
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Posted by FantamRooster

In my view suspicious people who are so afraid of getting taken advantage they end up being selfish are the weak ones. Bigger people can take some beatings because their sense of self isn't fragile.

Just one more reason I love Tauruses. I'm Taurus rising and Venus, and I've been accused of the same by nosy people who think they have a right to say something about the way I run my own railroad. *coughs*


I get your point. Showing vulnerability builds a stronger connection. He and I are the same in that we give people the benefit of the doubt for the most part. The difference is when it turns out bad, he’s actually shocked and he takes it to heart. For me, it’s like I knew it was to be expected.
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Posted by LentoBull91

Taurus had the biggest heart in the zodiac and is symbolic of the earth in that we like to be a provider of things for people. We feel so much love and care so intensely that we become sympathetic/empathetic to the world and its living creatures. We don’t like to see people or animals in pain or struggling so we’ll go out of our way to help those in need to get them in a better place. Another thing is we hate to be a burden so we’ll do things that avoid us being a burden on people’s lives. The problem with that is those people who we try not being a burden to then become burdens to us causing pain and stress. It can become a double edged sword by making us feel good that we’re doing the right thing by helping out, but at the same time hurt us to our core by the way people use our sympathy/empathy against us Instead of kindly giving it back to us.


This is him to the core. So the good far outweighs the bad in the end. It just hurts me to see him hurt and feeling like I can't do anything about it.
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