why would a man deflate his numbers

This topic was created in the The Man Cave forum by GuardianAnu on Thursday, October 21, 2021 and has 27 replies.
...of women he's been with, probably forgot he told you the lower number and recently it comes out that that number is almost triple the original he told you?


Note: This was earlier on in the friendship, which is still just that even though there's a lot of interest coming from both sides but you can't date because it's long distance and covid has stalled you from being able to meet up in person so you can figure out if it's worth it or not. Once I pointed out that he once told me a much lower number he sadly said "If I did, then I lied to you".


Usually men inflate their number, not the other way around, so I'm knot sure what to do with this information. I have told him a few times I very the course of our friendship that I'm not impressed by numbers, and then when he threw that current number out I said "that's a little intimidating!"


We are both in our 40's so its not like I should be surprised, I'm not sure what my number would be if my relationships didn't last a longer time. I also just don't experience sexual attraction very often but this guy has my sex drive going crazy and I often have to stomp it back down into the ground because I don't know if it's going to come to fruition even if/when we can finally meet up. He's charming as fuck and genius level smart, which has always been something very found very attractive. Especially when they're modest about it.
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Have you seen him on video call?
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Why would his numbers matter either way?
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Posted by MyStarsShine

Have you seen him on video call?
Yes. We talk on video a few times a month.
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Men hoes get judged too

Maybe he didn’t want that judgment
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Posted by GuardianAnu
Posted by MyStarsShine

Have you seen him on video call?


Yes. We talk on video a few times a month.
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Maybe he thought it’d gross you out if he told you the truth initially and it’d scare you off?
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Posted by DonnaLibra

Why would his numbers matter either way?
Like I said, it's a little intimidating, but I am otherwise fine with it. I've been getting men with little to no experience all my life so far and that's also fine, but I would like to know what it's like to be with someone more experienced because it seems like I may have been missing out. 😅


I do need someone to be on the same wavelength with me when it comes to their views on sex, though, (it's too sacred to me to just throw around and I tried casual sex once in my early 20's so I know it does nothing for me) so as long as they are NOW that is all that matters. I'm not willing to be just another notch in a guy's bedpost. Call me old fashioned.
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Posted by Truemara

Men hoes get judged too

Maybe he didn’t want that judgment
Probably. Understandable.
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Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by GuardianAnu
Posted by MyStarsShine

Have you seen him on video call?


Yes. We talk on video a few times a month.


Maybe he thought it’d gross you out if he told you the truth initially and it’d scare you off?
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I was thinking that is possible, since it was in the very beginning when he told me and we were sussing each other out. That's the only answer I would find acceptable for lying and I could easily forgive him for that, especially since we haven't slept together. Yet.
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Posted by GuardianAnu
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by GuardianAnu
Posted by MyStarsShine

Have you seen him on video call?


Yes. We talk on video a few times a month.


Maybe he thought it’d gross you out if he told you the truth initially and it’d scare you off?


I was thinking that is possible, since it was in the very beginning when he told me and we were sussing each other out. That's the only answer I would find acceptable for lying and I could easily forgive him for that, especially since we haven't slept together. Yet.
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Has it put you off him a little that he’s put it about so much, especially as you haven’t?
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Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by GuardianAnu
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by GuardianAnu
Posted by MyStarsShine

Have you seen him on video call?


Yes. We talk on video a few times a month.


Maybe he thought it’d gross you out if he told you the truth initially and it’d scare you off?


I was thinking that is possible, since it was in the very beginning when he told me and we were sussing each other out. That's the only answer I would find acceptable for lying and I could easily forgive him for that, especially since we haven't slept together. Yet.


Has it put you off him a little that he’s put it about so much, especially as you haven’t?
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No, he's just not been in a lot of LTR's. I had been married for 5 years in my 20's and was with someone after that for 9 years and we are both monogamous. Other than that I had a few shorter term 1 -2 or 3 years relationships so if I didn't end up in longer ones, who knows how many more shorter term ones I would've had, especially if I didn't get traumatized in one of them to the point it completely zapped my sex drive and ability to trust which made me not want to date for a long time after that.


This guy woke my sex drive back up and I don't know what to do with it. I had to forcequit those feelings a year and a half ago because it was too anxiety inducing. It worked for a good long while but then it started up again, just not as intense because I don't want to have to switch it off again like that. I actually care about this guy. Before him, the switch would happen on its own because the guys hurt me bad enough or I had enough so my mind would just be like STOP HURTING NOW. YOU'RE FREE. But with him I forced it there to save the friendship, if that makes sense... But it was a gamble. I was worried I wouldn't even like him at all after, I even cried about it sometimes after doing it but we remained friends, so here we are.
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As long as he is clear of any std’s his number shouldn’t be an issue in today’s woke climate. Just don’t accept anymore little lies would be my only concern.
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Posted by GuardianAnu
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by GuardianAnu
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by GuardianAnu
Posted by MyStarsShine

Have you seen him on video call?


Yes. We talk on video a few times a month.


Maybe he thought it’d gross you out if he told you the truth initially and it’d scare you off?


I was thinking that is possible, since it was in the very beginning when he told me and we were sussing each other out. That's the only answer I would find acceptable for lying and I could easily forgive him for that, especially since we haven't slept together. Yet.


Has it put you off him a little that he’s put it about so much, especially as you haven’t?


No, he's just not been in a lot of LTR's. I had been married for 5 years in my 20's and was with someone after that for 9 years and we are both monogamous. Other than that I had a few shorter term 1 -2 or 3 years relationships so if I didn't end up in longer ones, who knows how many more shorter term ones I would've had, especially if I didn't get traumatized in one of them to the point it completely zapped my sex drive and ability to trust which made me not want to date for a long time after that.


This guy woke my sex drive back up and I don't know what to do with it. I had to forcequit those feelings a year and a half ago because it was too anxiety inducing. It worked for a good long while but then it started up again, just not as intense because I don't want to have to switch it off again like that. I actually care about this guy. Before him, the switch would happen on its own because the guys hurt me bad enough or I had enough so my mind would just be like STOP HURTING NOW. YOU'RE FREE. But with him I forced it there to save the friendship, if that makes sense... But it was a gamble. I was worried I wouldn't even like him at all after, I even cried about it sometimes after doing it but we remained friends, so here we are.
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The prob with some people that sleep around is they have disconnected sex which can mean they’re disconnected from themselves to some degree?
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Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by GuardianAnu
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by GuardianAnu
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by GuardianAnu
Posted by MyStarsShine

Have you seen him on video call?


Yes. We talk on video a few times a month.


Maybe he thought it’d gross you out if he told you the truth initially and it’d scare you off?


I was thinking that is possible, since it was in the very beginning when he told me and we were sussing each other out. That's the only answer I would find acceptable for lying and I could easily forgive him for that, especially since we haven't slept together. Yet.


Has it put you off him a little that he’s put it about so much, especially as you haven’t?


No, he's just not been in a lot of LTR's. I had been married for 5 years in my 20's and was with someone after that for 9 years and we are both monogamous. Other than that I had a few shorter term 1 -2 or 3 years relationships so if I didn't end up in longer ones, who knows how many more shorter term ones I would've had, especially if I didn't get traumatized in one of them to the point it completely zapped my sex drive and ability to trust which made me not want to date for a long time after that.


This guy woke my sex drive back up and I don't know what to do with it. I had to forcequit those feelings a year and a half ago because it was too anxiety inducing. It worked for a good long while but then it started up again, just not as intense because I don't want to have to switch it off again like that. I actually care about this guy. Before him, the switch would happen on its own because the guys hurt me bad enough or I had enough so my mind would just be like STOP HURTING NOW. YOU'RE FREE. But with him I forced it there to save the friendship, if that makes sense... But it was a gamble. I was worried I wouldn't even like him at all after, I even cried about it sometimes after doing it but we remained friends, so here we are.


The prob with some people that sleep around is they have disconnected sex which can mean they’re disconnected from themselves to some degree?
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That's actually a big reason I wouldn't want to sleep with someone who is like that.


I don't think that's the case with him. He did disclose near the beginning that he only had one one night stand with a girl because she was giving him the moon eyes while he was bartending, and she was cute, and he already knew her as it's a small town. She ended up being an absolute starfish though, barely made noise, and he stopped everything in the middle of the sex because he asked,her if she was enjoying it, she just barely moaned so he thought she wasn't and didn't want to continue if that was the case.


Funny thing is she stalked him for a while, outside his place even, then when he was talking to a friend of his who also knew of her and she asked him what that was like ( she had a slight smirk on her face) he said it was awful, she burst out laughing and said "yeah, you're not the first to say that about her".


He's told me things didn't last long with most girls because things just never clicked enough, although he did have one longer term gf for some years that ended amicably (he's friends with most of his exes) and that whoever he WAS having sex with, he was at least trying to get into a relationship.


He's also not sure he knows how to have a relationship, since his parents, as kind and caring humanitarians as they were to everyone and each other, were in a loveless marriage (his mom got pregnant out of wedlock so yhey did the "right thing") so they never did couple things around him, but they got along well enough. If his dad didn't die early, he feels like they would've divorced amicably after the kids left the nest.


I suppose that weighs on him some, and is taking it slow with me because he has learned the hard way he moved too fast with the others and doesn't want to fuck this up. Neither do I. We both got into relationships because of sex (I'm demi but have a sex drive and was insatiable in my younger years) and more of his screeched to a halt because of that. So I get it. Its the lie that has had me spinning because both of us don't tolerate lying, and I wanted to figure out what to do about that before I talk to him next so if it's brought up, I can let him know that's okay and I'm not judging him for it, that he can tell me anything and he shouldn't worry about getting in trouble for it.
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The concept of body count is funny to me.

If you counted by number of lays the people with low body counts/long term relationships would win out over the one with high one night stand.


Someone fucks 60 different people per year we’d call that slore behavior. But someone in a long term relationship fucking their partner several times a week is actuality getting at least double + lays.


Anyways it’s a non issue. Just get tested, be communicative and on the same page with expectations.
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I’m in the 400s easily… don’t really want nobody to know that. I really don’t give a number I think that’s pretty ridiculous to do. I don’t have any stis or kids(I think) so move on.


But if I did give a low number it would be because I’m compensating for the girl being inexperienced. Women get self conscious if you’ve had plenty of partners or disgusted if they are more monogamous and long term relationshipy

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Posted by Hypnotoad

Just shag him, apparently it's a good time since allot of other women already did.
😂😂Wtf lol
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"Especially when they're modest about it." Loool.


Just seduce him. You got nothing to lose.
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Posted by Hypnotoad

Just shag him, apparently it's a good time since allot of other women already did.

Idk about him giving them a good time if they are not coming back regularly.
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High body count speaks of an inability to create or maintain meaningful relationships as well as recklessness and opportunism. It doesn’t even mean he is “experienced In bed”, in fact he could have been so bad/basic/selfish every single time that only a few women came for seconds.

No wonder he was lying about it. Tongue
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Hes just messing with your thoughts and its working. Classic pickup strategy. Confuse em, make them interested, reel em in
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Posted by alexscaries
Posted by Undine

High body count speaks of an inability to create or maintain meaningful relationships as well as recklessness and opportunism. It doesn’t even mean he is “experienced In bed”, in fact he could have been so bad/basic/selfish every single time that only a few women came for seconds.

No wonder he was lying about it. Tongue


Or he could be easily bored and like variety.
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Sounds like a keeper, lol
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Posted by GuardianAnu
Posted by DonnaLibra

Why would his numbers matter either way?


Like I said, it's a little intimidating, but I am otherwise fine with it. I've been getting men with little to no experience all my life so far and that's also fine, but I would like to know what it's like to be with someone more experienced because it seems like I may have been missing out. 😅


I do need someone to be on the same wavelength with me when it comes to their views on sex, though, (it's too sacred to me to just throw around and I tried casual sex once in my early 20's so I know it does nothing for me) so as long as they are NOW that is all that matters. I'm not willing to be just another notch in a guy's bedpost. Call me old fashioned.
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This kinda doesn't add up. You say you want to know what it's like to be with someone more experienced because you feel left out but then you say you're not willing to be another notch. Sexually experienced men have a lot of notches and a long belt. Good sex is good sex. Experience doesn't equate to be good in bed.
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How did body count come into the conversation twice?

Did the low number not get enough interest, so he upped the number to see if that worked?


His higher number has seemed to do the trick. I wonder if the real number is somewhere in between.


It's weird to even talk about numbers anyways.

Too many and it seems like a forever bachelor and player, too little and it seems like inexperience.

It's almost easier to just leave it out of conversation altogether.
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Posted by alexscaries
Posted by saggurl88

How did body count come into the conversation twice?

Did the low number not get enough interest, so he upped the number to see if that worked?


His higher number has seemed to do the trick. I wonder if the real number is somewhere in between.


It's weird to even talk about numbers anyways.

Too many and it seems like a forever bachelor and player, too little and it seems like inexperience.

It's almost easier to just leave it out of conversation altogether.


A lot of it depends on experiences. There's often reasons. I wouldn't judge someone who had been with 100 people or 1. I think some people are looking for excuses to sabotage a relationship to justify their own insecurities.
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I don't even want to know or even care. I will get turned off if it's super high, so that's a risk the guy has to be willing to take if he's trying to win points by mentioning it.


Men say they don't judge but I think subconsciously their ego can't handle it if a women's numbers are high then what's socially acceptable for their age.


It's just better practice to say nothing at all about it and don't ask.
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Posted by alexscaries
Posted by saggurl88
Posted by alexscaries
Posted by saggurl88

How did body count come into the conversation twice?

Did the low number not get enough interest, so he upped the number to see if that worked?


His higher number has seemed to do the trick. I wonder if the real number is somewhere in between.


It's weird to even talk about numbers anyways.

Too many and it seems like a forever bachelor and player, too little and it seems like inexperience.

It's almost easier to just leave it out of conversation altogether.


A lot of it depends on experiences. There's often reasons. I wouldn't judge someone who had been with 100 people or 1. I think some people are looking for excuses to sabotage a relationship to justify their own insecurities.


I don't even want to know or even care. I will get turned off if it's super high, so that's a risk the guy has to be willing to take if he's trying to win points by mentioning it.


Men say they don't judge but I think subconsciously their ego can't handle it if a women's numbers are high then what's socially acceptable for their age.


It's just better practice to say nothing at all about it and don't ask.


I personally don't care as long as the woman isn't a virgin.
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Same. Too much to teach a person.

I think men who prefer them have either micro penises or are selfish in bed and she won’t know anyways 🤣🤣


Orgasms are only made up for the movies! They aren’t real! 😂😂😂
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Posted by alexscaries
Posted by saggurl88
Posted by alexscaries
Posted by saggurl88
Posted by alexscaries
Posted by saggurl88

How did body count come into the conversation twice?

Did the low number not get enough interest, so he upped the number to see if that worked?


His higher number has seemed to do the trick. I wonder if the real number is somewhere in between.


It's weird to even talk about numbers anyways.

Too many and it seems like a forever bachelor and player, too little and it seems like inexperience.

It's almost easier to just leave it out of conversation altogether.


A lot of it depends on experiences. There's often reasons. I wouldn't judge someone who had been with 100 people or 1. I think some people are looking for excuses to sabotage a relationship to justify their own insecurities.


I don't even want to know or even care. I will get turned off if it's super high, so that's a risk the guy has to be willing to take if he's trying to win points by mentioning it.


Men say they don't judge but I think subconsciously their ego can't handle it if a women's numbers are high then what's socially acceptable for their age.


It's just better practice to say nothing at all about it and don't ask.


I personally don't care as long as the woman isn't a virgin.


Same. Too much to teach a person.

I think men who prefer them have either micro penises or are selfish in bed and she won’t know anyways 🤣🤣


Orgasms are only made up for the movies! They aren’t real! 😂😂😂


Quite difficult to fake a male orgasm. I've found making loads of noise and spitting on her back seems to work.
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Selfish Fire sign! Winking No one cares about the mans orgasm! Tongue I was talking about men wanting female virginsLaughing


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